1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,594
There is a crazy flu going around.
2
00:00:02,917 --> 00:00:05,445
Lots of miserable
dehydrated people
3
00:00:05,491 --> 00:00:07,087
with high fevers and diarrhea.
4
00:00:07,453 --> 00:00:08,633
And one of those
5
00:00:08,753 --> 00:00:11,718
dehydrated, high-fevered
miserable people
6
00:00:11,755 --> 00:00:12,726
is April...
7
00:00:13,274 --> 00:00:14,157
Who hates me.
8
00:00:17,891 --> 00:00:20,361
- I want another nurse.
- Well, there are none.
9
00:00:20,481 --> 00:00:21,732
We're stretched pretty thin
right now.
10
00:00:21,852 --> 00:00:24,023
Then I want a janitor.
They can do what you do, right?
11
00:00:24,474 --> 00:00:27,279
Yep, nurses and janitors
are totally interchangeable.
12
00:00:27,527 --> 00:00:29,180
Except no one dresses up
like a janitor
13
00:00:29,210 --> 00:00:30,110
when they want to be slutty.
14
00:00:30,449 --> 00:00:32,943
I get the sense that maybe
you're angry at me
15
00:00:33,063 --> 00:00:33,882
for kissing Andy...
16
00:00:34,002 --> 00:00:35,558
No, I'm not. What are you talking about?
That's crazy.
17
00:00:35,678 --> 00:00:38,911
And that you think it might be
fun to take it out on me.
18
00:00:39,372 --> 00:00:40,435
Please don't do that.
19
00:00:40,641 --> 00:00:42,572
"Do"?
I can't do anything.
20
00:00:43,080 --> 00:00:44,103
I'm sick.
21
00:00:49,089 --> 00:00:50,881
My blankets are on the floor.
22
00:00:55,620 --> 00:01:05,560
Sync by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
23
00:01:12,670 --> 00:01:13,970
So, JJ, we wanted
24
00:01:14,021 --> 00:01:16,006
to talk to you
about the harvest festival.
25
00:01:16,073 --> 00:01:18,275
Yeah, I heard you were
bringing that back.
26
00:01:19,543 --> 00:01:21,328
Sorry, I haven't been
feeling myself.
27
00:01:22,747 --> 00:01:25,448
Well, I'm organizing
this huge harvest festival,
28
00:01:25,516 --> 00:01:28,518
and I need
at least 80 local businesses
29
00:01:28,586 --> 00:01:29,853
to participate.
30
00:01:29,921 --> 00:01:31,488
And normally, this is
the kind of thing
31
00:01:31,555 --> 00:01:32,756
I would love to do,
32
00:01:32,823 --> 00:01:35,692
but I'm just feeling
really tired.
33
00:01:35,760 --> 00:01:39,029
I think maybe my allergies
are acting up.
34
00:01:39,096 --> 00:01:43,900
I've already vomited,
like, five times today.
35
00:01:43,968 --> 00:01:45,969
We're having a meeting tonight
at the Chamber of Commerce,
36
00:01:46,020 --> 00:01:47,604
and we're gonna go over
all the details,
37
00:01:47,672 --> 00:01:49,673
and we'd just love if you
could come and join us.
38
00:01:49,740 --> 00:01:52,876
Sure, anything
for my favorite customer.
39
00:01:52,944 --> 00:01:54,861
I bet you say that
to all the girls.
40
00:01:54,946 --> 00:01:57,180
Oh, no, no.
Actually, you're my favorite.
41
00:01:57,248 --> 00:02:02,869
You spent over $1,000 last year
on waffles alone.
42
00:02:04,722 --> 00:02:05,755
Here.
43
00:02:05,823 --> 00:02:07,557
I didn't know what
to bring you,
44
00:02:07,625 --> 00:02:10,627
so I just got
some magazines and lipstick...
45
00:02:10,695 --> 00:02:11,745
woman stuff.
46
00:02:11,829 --> 00:02:13,163
Thanks.
47
00:02:13,214 --> 00:02:16,366
All my parents got me was that.
48
00:02:16,434 --> 00:02:17,884
Okay, well, I'm not very good
49
00:02:17,969 --> 00:02:19,869
at visiting people
in hospitals,
50
00:02:19,920 --> 00:02:22,005
so I'm going to go.
51
00:02:22,073 --> 00:02:25,708
Hey, if you see Andy,
will you not tell him I'm here?
52
00:02:25,760 --> 00:02:27,344
- Okay.
- Because of what happened,
53
00:02:27,411 --> 00:02:28,912
- I don't want him to think...
- Stop.
54
00:02:28,980 --> 00:02:31,081
Don't want to know.
55
00:02:31,148 --> 00:02:33,483
The less I know
about other people's affairs,
56
00:02:33,551 --> 00:02:34,651
the happier I am.
57
00:02:34,719 --> 00:02:37,721
I'm not interested
in caring about people.
58
00:02:37,788 --> 00:02:39,990
I once worked
with a guy for three years
59
00:02:40,057 --> 00:02:41,992
and never learned his name...
60
00:02:42,059 --> 00:02:44,694
Best friend I ever had.
61
00:02:44,762 --> 00:02:47,897
We still never talk sometimes.
62
00:02:50,401 --> 00:02:51,951
Mmm.
63
00:02:52,036 --> 00:02:54,921
So we've developed
a revenue-sharing formula
64
00:02:55,006 --> 00:02:57,374
that will hopefully appeal
to most business owners.
65
00:02:57,425 --> 00:02:58,608
Leslie!
66
00:02:58,676 --> 00:03:00,543
Go home.
You're sick.
67
00:03:00,611 --> 00:03:02,462
I'm not sick.
It's just allergies.
68
00:03:02,546 --> 00:03:04,747
Come on, guys.
Just let me in there.
69
00:03:04,799 --> 00:03:06,082
- No.
- You can't come in here.
70
00:03:06,133 --> 00:03:07,417
You're not coming in.
71
00:03:07,485 --> 00:03:09,386
Leslie, you look tired,
and you're all sweaty.
72
00:03:09,437 --> 00:03:11,137
You look tired, and you're
all sweaty all the time.
73
00:03:11,222 --> 00:03:12,889
What's your excuse?
You want to go there, Jerry?
74
00:03:12,940 --> 00:03:14,724
- No.
- Fine, I'm coming in.
75
00:03:14,775 --> 00:03:16,893
Donna, barricade the door, now!
76
00:03:16,944 --> 00:03:19,779
Donna, come on, just let me in.
77
00:03:19,864 --> 00:03:21,097
Un-uh.
78
00:03:21,165 --> 00:03:23,233
Either go home,
or go back into quarantine.
79
00:03:23,300 --> 00:03:24,934
I'm not going home.
80
00:03:25,002 --> 00:03:26,769
Get out of here, Leslie.
Go home.
81
00:03:26,821 --> 00:03:28,438
Hit the bricks.
82
00:03:32,309 --> 00:03:33,643
Oh, come on.
No, no, no, no, no.
83
00:03:33,711 --> 00:03:35,078
She's germing up all my stuff.
84
00:03:35,129 --> 00:03:37,647
Aw, yuck.
Leslie!
85
00:03:39,917 --> 00:03:41,968
- Ann Perkins.
- Hey.
86
00:03:42,053 --> 00:03:43,169
How was your run?
87
00:03:43,254 --> 00:03:44,921
Ended
with a 5 1/2-minute mile,
88
00:03:44,972 --> 00:03:46,139
my personal low.
89
00:03:46,223 --> 00:03:48,508
I think the pavement
in this town is soft.
90
00:03:48,592 --> 00:03:51,010
- What's with the mask?
- Flu prevention.
91
00:03:51,095 --> 00:03:53,329
My body is finely tuned,
like a microchip.
92
00:03:53,397 --> 00:03:55,065
And the flu is like
a grain of sand.
93
00:03:55,132 --> 00:03:57,517
It could literally shut down
the entire system.
94
00:03:57,601 --> 00:03:59,636
My body's like a chip too.
95
00:03:59,703 --> 00:04:01,871
Potato chip.
96
00:04:01,939 --> 00:04:02,989
No.
97
00:04:03,074 --> 00:04:04,157
Speaking of potato chips,
98
00:04:04,241 --> 00:04:06,142
you and I are on
for dinner tomorrow, yes?
99
00:04:06,210 --> 00:04:07,310
Yes, definitely.
100
00:04:07,361 --> 00:04:10,313
I'm super, super excited.
101
00:04:10,381 --> 00:04:11,498
Looking forward to it.
102
00:04:11,582 --> 00:04:13,316
Excellent.
103
00:04:15,836 --> 00:04:17,454
Way to go, buddy.
Way to go.
104
00:04:17,505 --> 00:04:19,089
We've been on a couple
of dates.
105
00:04:19,156 --> 00:04:20,340
I really like him.
106
00:04:20,424 --> 00:04:24,660
The problem is,
he's like a perfect human man.
107
00:04:24,712 --> 00:04:27,497
I can't find one flaw.
108
00:04:27,565 --> 00:04:30,666
There was one time
I thought he farted.
109
00:04:30,718 --> 00:04:32,852
But it was me.
110
00:04:34,538 --> 00:04:38,224
I need to find someone
to fill in for April.
111
00:04:38,309 --> 00:04:40,743
Now, I know I'm not
gonna find someone
112
00:04:40,811 --> 00:04:44,314
who's both aggressively mean
and apathetic.
113
00:04:44,381 --> 00:04:47,750
April really is
the whole package.
114
00:04:47,818 --> 00:04:49,719
But I think
I might know someone
115
00:04:49,787 --> 00:04:52,455
who will be
just as ineffective.
116
00:04:55,910 --> 00:04:58,545
Hello, Andrew.
What's new?
117
00:04:58,629 --> 00:05:00,630
Um, a whole lot.
118
00:05:00,697 --> 00:05:02,599
Check this out.
I just invented it...
119
00:05:02,666 --> 00:05:03,833
super straw.
120
00:05:03,884 --> 00:05:07,537
♪ ♪
121
00:05:07,588 --> 00:05:09,105
Ahh.
122
00:05:09,173 --> 00:05:12,342
So just sit here
and do your thing.
123
00:05:12,409 --> 00:05:14,010
Do I have to tuck my shirt in?
124
00:05:14,061 --> 00:05:15,912
Because, honestly,
that's kind of a deal breaker.
125
00:05:15,980 --> 00:05:17,096
Let 'er fly.
126
00:05:17,181 --> 00:05:18,481
Hey, wait.
127
00:05:18,549 --> 00:05:19,882
Where's April?
128
00:05:19,934 --> 00:05:21,451
Is she all right?
129
00:05:21,519 --> 00:05:24,887
Yeah. I just gave her
the day off.
130
00:05:24,939 --> 00:05:27,790
Would it be weird
if I asked for the day off?
131
00:05:27,858 --> 00:05:30,243
Yeah, no. It's okay.
I didn't think so.
132
00:05:30,327 --> 00:05:32,061
I'm sorry.
Are you leaving?
133
00:05:32,129 --> 00:05:33,730
- I thought we had a meeting.
- No, we do.
134
00:05:33,797 --> 00:05:35,765
It's just I think
it's a little chilly in here.
135
00:05:35,833 --> 00:05:37,200
Are you okay?
Your eyes are glassy.
136
00:05:37,251 --> 00:05:38,418
Oh, my God.
Oh, my...
137
00:05:38,502 --> 00:05:40,069
Is she... is she sick?
Are you sick?
138
00:05:40,120 --> 00:05:43,173
- No.
- Yeah, she's sick.
139
00:05:43,240 --> 00:05:44,807
That's why I'm wearing this
140
00:05:44,875 --> 00:05:47,076
and misting myself
with hand sanitizer.
141
00:05:47,127 --> 00:05:48,795
I am not sick.
142
00:05:48,879 --> 00:05:50,580
I just have allergies, okay?
143
00:05:50,631 --> 00:05:51,914
I took a Claritin,
and I threw that up.
144
00:05:51,966 --> 00:05:53,616
So I took another one.
I threw that up.
145
00:05:53,684 --> 00:05:55,602
And then I took a third,
and it stayed down.
146
00:05:55,686 --> 00:05:56,719
I'm getting better.
147
00:05:56,770 --> 00:05:58,154
All right, you're burning up.
148
00:05:58,222 --> 00:05:59,856
You're burning up.
What?
149
00:05:59,923 --> 00:06:01,057
I have to get out of here.
150
00:06:01,108 --> 00:06:02,942
I have 2.8% body fat.
151
00:06:03,027 --> 00:06:04,310
My body's like a microchip.
152
00:06:04,395 --> 00:06:06,946
A grain of sand
could destroy it.
153
00:06:07,031 --> 00:06:10,066
My body's a microchip.
154
00:06:10,117 --> 00:06:11,100
Leslie, go home.
155
00:06:11,151 --> 00:06:12,535
No, I can't.
I can't go home.
156
00:06:12,603 --> 00:06:14,120
I have to get ready
for the Chamber of Secrets.
157
00:06:14,205 --> 00:06:15,605
Commerce.
158
00:06:15,673 --> 00:06:17,106
If this meeting
does not go perfectly,
159
00:06:17,174 --> 00:06:19,108
then the harvest festival's
gonna be over before it began.
160
00:06:19,176 --> 00:06:20,443
I cannot go home.
161
00:06:20,494 --> 00:06:23,796
- Okay, then who is your doctor?
- Ann's my doctor.
162
00:06:23,881 --> 00:06:26,082
And she's the most beautiful
nurse in the world.
163
00:06:26,133 --> 00:06:27,917
- Come on.
- Oh, God.
164
00:06:27,968 --> 00:06:29,252
Now I'm hot.
Now it's really hot in here.
165
00:06:29,303 --> 00:06:31,087
Okay, well, that's your fever.
166
00:06:31,138 --> 00:06:33,756
Leslie, I typed your symptoms
into the thing up here,
167
00:06:33,807 --> 00:06:37,510
and it says you could have
network connectivity problems.
168
00:06:37,595 --> 00:06:39,979
104.1.
169
00:06:40,064 --> 00:06:42,265
Leslie, you're dehydrated.
I'm admitting you.
170
00:06:42,316 --> 00:06:44,267
If I was sick, could I do this?
171
00:06:47,438 --> 00:06:50,373
- What are you doing?
- Cartwheels.
172
00:06:50,441 --> 00:06:51,708
Am I not doing them?
173
00:06:51,775 --> 00:06:53,676
- No.
- Look, don't worry.
174
00:06:53,744 --> 00:06:55,678
I've done presentations
like this before,
175
00:06:55,746 --> 00:06:56,946
and Tom will be with me.
176
00:06:56,997 --> 00:06:58,481
So you're in good hands.
177
00:06:58,532 --> 00:07:01,451
It's not
that I don't trust Ben.
178
00:07:01,502 --> 00:07:04,787
It's that I don't have
faith in Ben.
179
00:07:04,855 --> 00:07:08,291
And also, I'm starting
to forget who Ben is.
180
00:07:11,263 --> 00:07:13,405
I'll handle the general outline
if you want to uh...
181
00:07:13,525 --> 00:07:14,842
- Look.
- Just jump right in.
182
00:07:14,910 --> 00:07:16,310
The worst thing you can do
183
00:07:16,378 --> 00:07:18,346
with an important presentation
like this is over-prepare.
184
00:07:18,413 --> 00:07:19,947
- Well...
- So...
185
00:07:19,998 --> 00:07:21,716
I think it's best
if I go to the spa.
186
00:07:21,783 --> 00:07:25,386
No, we promised Leslie
we'd prep for the meeting.
187
00:07:25,454 --> 00:07:26,721
No, Ben, you promised Leslie.
188
00:07:26,788 --> 00:07:29,006
See, I never promise
Leslie anything.
189
00:07:29,091 --> 00:07:30,791
That way,
I never disappoint her.
190
00:07:30,859 --> 00:07:31,943
I try to be considerate.
191
00:07:32,010 --> 00:07:33,361
Well...
192
00:07:33,428 --> 00:07:36,830
I am off for a soak
and a schvitz.
193
00:07:36,882 --> 00:07:39,817
"Arrivederch."
194
00:07:44,973 --> 00:07:48,175
Ron Swanson's office.
195
00:07:48,243 --> 00:07:49,277
Yes.
196
00:07:49,344 --> 00:07:51,279
I will transfer you.
197
00:07:55,751 --> 00:07:59,353
I just dropped another call.
198
00:08:03,742 --> 00:08:06,661
I thought you might like
a fresh set of pillows.
199
00:08:06,712 --> 00:08:08,095
Are you trying to smother me?
200
00:08:08,163 --> 00:08:10,364
Help!
The slutty nurse is trying
201
00:08:10,415 --> 00:08:12,333
to smother me to death
with a pillow!
202
00:08:12,384 --> 00:08:13,534
Okay, never mind.
203
00:08:13,585 --> 00:08:15,419
Stay back, slut.
204
00:08:15,504 --> 00:08:17,438
I know what she's trying to do.
205
00:08:17,506 --> 00:08:18,839
She's trying to get me
to break.
206
00:08:18,890 --> 00:08:20,841
And you know what?
I'm not gonna do it.
207
00:08:20,909 --> 00:08:22,093
I'm gonna be professional,
208
00:08:22,177 --> 00:08:23,945
and I'm gonna put on
a happy face,
209
00:08:24,012 --> 00:08:25,513
and then I'm gonna
go into a supply closet
210
00:08:25,580 --> 00:08:27,915
and snap a bunch
of tongue depressors.
211
00:08:27,983 --> 00:08:30,718
Okay, so let's, um,
talk about your opening remarks.
212
00:08:30,786 --> 00:08:32,453
Do you want me
to write you a rap?
213
00:08:32,521 --> 00:08:33,754
I'll write you a rap.
No, you know what?
214
00:08:33,822 --> 00:08:35,323
You're never gonna be able
to pull it off.
215
00:08:35,390 --> 00:08:36,440
You're too white.
216
00:08:36,525 --> 00:08:37,792
How about a show tune
or something?
217
00:08:37,859 --> 00:08:40,861
I was just, uh, planning
to introduce myself...
218
00:08:40,912 --> 00:08:42,196
Non-musically,
219
00:08:42,264 --> 00:08:44,432
and then get everyone
to refer to their packets,
220
00:08:44,499 --> 00:08:46,400
and, uh, blah, blah, blah.
221
00:08:46,468 --> 00:08:48,469
No.
No "blah, blah, blah," okay?
222
00:08:48,537 --> 00:08:50,571
You need to go over
every single detail with me.
223
00:08:50,639 --> 00:08:53,240
Leslie, I promise you,
I won't half-ass this, okay?
224
00:08:53,292 --> 00:08:54,675
Now get some rest.
225
00:08:54,743 --> 00:08:56,911
I have some great news.
I think my fever just broke.
226
00:08:56,979 --> 00:08:58,596
Good-bye.
227
00:09:05,053 --> 00:09:06,087
This came out.
228
00:09:06,154 --> 00:09:07,288
Eh.
229
00:09:07,356 --> 00:09:08,589
I am starving.
230
00:09:08,640 --> 00:09:10,191
I haven't had lunch
since yesterday.
231
00:09:10,258 --> 00:09:11,759
So I'm gonna head over
to Callahan's.
232
00:09:11,810 --> 00:09:13,060
Oh, no, no, no.
Don't go there.
233
00:09:13,128 --> 00:09:14,595
They totally skimp on pickles.
234
00:09:14,646 --> 00:09:16,430
Let me go
to Bighead Joe's for you.
235
00:09:16,481 --> 00:09:18,899
They have
the most insane burritos.
236
00:09:18,950 --> 00:09:20,835
I don't much go
for ethnic food.
237
00:09:20,902 --> 00:09:22,169
No, no, no.
Trust me.
238
00:09:22,237 --> 00:09:24,071
They have one that's called
the meat tornado.
239
00:09:24,139 --> 00:09:26,324
Literally killed a guy
last year.
240
00:09:26,408 --> 00:09:28,776
You had me
at "meat tornado."
241
00:09:32,497 --> 00:09:33,914
What are you doing?
242
00:09:33,982 --> 00:09:35,416
Hey, that flu medicine
really helped.
243
00:09:35,467 --> 00:09:37,118
I feel
a thousand percent better.
244
00:09:37,185 --> 00:09:38,552
Good as new.
245
00:09:38,620 --> 00:09:40,554
Does this scarf look okay?
I don't want to look stuffy.
246
00:09:40,622 --> 00:09:42,423
But I also don't want
to look too schlubby.
247
00:09:42,474 --> 00:09:44,342
- Get back in that bed.
- So no to the scarf?
248
00:09:44,426 --> 00:09:47,128
- Get back in the bed.
- No, I'm going to that meeting.
249
00:09:47,195 --> 00:09:48,696
Either you get back in the bed,
250
00:09:48,764 --> 00:09:50,164
or I will strap you down.
251
00:09:50,232 --> 00:09:52,933
I've done it before.
Don't test me.
252
00:09:57,856 --> 00:09:59,907
- Okay, okay, okay.
- All right.
253
00:09:59,975 --> 00:10:02,143
Now, what superpower
would you rather have?
254
00:10:02,210 --> 00:10:04,995
Would you rather be able to fly
or be invisible?
255
00:10:05,080 --> 00:10:06,313
Ed, go first.
256
00:10:06,365 --> 00:10:09,149
- Uh, fly, I guess.
- I forgot to tell you.
257
00:10:09,201 --> 00:10:10,951
You can only fly five feet
above the ground.
258
00:10:12,987 --> 00:10:15,489
I bring a certain panache
and spice
259
00:10:15,557 --> 00:10:17,358
to the spa experience
for these guys.
260
00:10:17,426 --> 00:10:19,794
Before I joined, they were just
three old white dudes
261
00:10:19,845 --> 00:10:22,012
quietly boiling in hot water.
262
00:10:22,097 --> 00:10:25,199
Would you rather live
in the pocket
263
00:10:25,267 --> 00:10:27,835
of a giant kangaroo
264
00:10:27,903 --> 00:10:31,439
or have a pocket
on your own stomach
265
00:10:31,506 --> 00:10:34,341
that has a tiny kangaroo
in it all the time?
266
00:10:34,393 --> 00:10:35,726
Preston.
267
00:10:35,811 --> 00:10:38,145
Tiny kangaroo
in my stomach pocket.
268
00:10:38,196 --> 00:10:41,182
Forgot to mention,
the tiny kangaroo is a racist.
269
00:10:43,118 --> 00:10:45,519
Hey, Ann.
270
00:10:45,570 --> 00:10:46,821
What happened?
271
00:10:46,872 --> 00:10:49,523
I just saw you a few hours ago,
and you were fine.
272
00:10:49,574 --> 00:10:51,492
Not like, "damn, you're fine,"
273
00:10:51,543 --> 00:10:53,127
but fine health-wise.
274
00:10:53,194 --> 00:10:55,713
My body has no fat
to protect itself from disease.
275
00:10:55,797 --> 00:10:57,798
Things happen very quickly.
Listen to me.
276
00:10:57,866 --> 00:11:00,367
It's very important
that you replenish my body
277
00:11:00,419 --> 00:11:01,886
with electrolytes
278
00:11:01,970 --> 00:11:04,221
after every involuntary loss
of bodily fluids.
279
00:11:04,306 --> 00:11:05,973
- Oh, boy.
- My body tends to lose
280
00:11:06,040 --> 00:11:08,809
a lot of fluids when it's sick.
281
00:11:08,877 --> 00:11:10,728
My brain is on fire.
I'm dying.
282
00:11:10,812 --> 00:11:13,714
Mm. Well, you definitely
have the flu.
283
00:11:13,782 --> 00:11:16,150
Oh, my God.
284
00:11:16,218 --> 00:11:18,352
The microchip
has been compromised.
285
00:11:18,420 --> 00:11:22,323
Pierre Garcon
was a sixth-round pick.
286
00:11:22,390 --> 00:11:25,159
Collie was the fourth round.
287
00:11:25,226 --> 00:11:27,912
Indianapolis Colts
know how to draft so well.
288
00:11:27,996 --> 00:11:29,163
They really do.
289
00:11:29,230 --> 00:11:32,466
Andy, this was delicious.
290
00:11:32,534 --> 00:11:33,701
It's awesome, huh?
291
00:11:33,752 --> 00:11:37,204
It's a whole new
meat delivery system.
292
00:11:37,272 --> 00:11:38,539
Thank you, son.
293
00:11:38,590 --> 00:11:40,407
What do you say
we go out to the parking lot,
294
00:11:40,475 --> 00:11:42,877
run a few pass plays
to burn off the calories?
295
00:11:42,944 --> 00:11:46,080
You are an unstoppable
good-idea machine!
296
00:11:47,215 --> 00:11:48,599
I like Andy.
297
00:11:48,683 --> 00:11:50,618
I'm surrounded
by a lot of women
298
00:11:50,685 --> 00:11:52,453
in this department.
299
00:11:52,521 --> 00:11:54,922
And that includes the men.
300
00:11:54,990 --> 00:11:58,726
Hup, hup, hup!
301
00:11:58,777 --> 00:12:00,444
Peyton Manning
reading the defense!
302
00:12:00,529 --> 00:12:01,762
Reggie Wayne, post corner!
303
00:12:10,372 --> 00:12:11,789
Andy, wait up!
304
00:12:14,476 --> 00:12:15,793
Hey, April.
305
00:12:15,877 --> 00:12:18,779
I saw that you called for me.
What can I do for you?
306
00:12:18,830 --> 00:12:22,082
- I need more flu medicine.
- Oh, an actual request.
307
00:12:22,150 --> 00:12:24,018
Well, you can't have any.
308
00:12:24,085 --> 00:12:26,253
That stuff is powerful...
no extra doses.
309
00:12:26,321 --> 00:12:27,972
I didn't take any.
310
00:12:28,056 --> 00:12:30,724
Leslie came in here
and stole it and left.
311
00:12:32,727 --> 00:12:33,978
Leslie?
312
00:12:34,062 --> 00:12:37,648
Leslie!
313
00:12:37,732 --> 00:12:39,200
Hey, have you seen Leslie?
314
00:12:39,267 --> 00:12:40,768
I had a dream
315
00:12:40,835 --> 00:12:42,970
that she came into this room,
316
00:12:43,021 --> 00:12:46,507
stole my flu medicine,
told me not to tell you,
317
00:12:46,575 --> 00:12:48,859
and then disappeared
through that hole in the wall.
318
00:12:48,944 --> 00:12:50,544
The door?
319
00:12:50,612 --> 00:12:53,313
Maybe we should get
a suite here for them, okay?
320
00:12:53,365 --> 00:12:55,216
Ben Wyatt!
Hello!
321
00:12:55,283 --> 00:12:56,650
Uh, hi, Leslie.
322
00:12:56,701 --> 00:12:58,152
- Good to see you.
- You too.
323
00:12:58,220 --> 00:13:00,504
Wow, you're really burning up.
324
00:13:00,589 --> 00:13:01,705
Can I get some money
325
00:13:01,790 --> 00:13:03,541
for the cab that I took
over here, please?
326
00:13:03,625 --> 00:13:04,558
Sure.
How much?
327
00:13:04,626 --> 00:13:05,559
I'm not sure.
328
00:13:05,627 --> 00:13:06,760
I looked at the meter,
329
00:13:06,828 --> 00:13:09,179
and it had
Egyptian hieroglyphics on it.
330
00:13:09,264 --> 00:13:10,831
- Wow.
- Do you know the exchange rate?
331
00:13:10,882 --> 00:13:12,716
So should we do this?
332
00:13:12,801 --> 00:13:15,035
Oh, boy.
Hold on.
333
00:13:15,103 --> 00:13:16,837
- Be careful.
- What?
334
00:13:16,905 --> 00:13:20,341
The floor and the wall
just switched.
335
00:13:20,408 --> 00:13:21,775
Okay.
336
00:13:21,843 --> 00:13:23,978
Walk very carefully.
337
00:13:31,958 --> 00:13:33,500
You know, I find it a little insulting
338
00:13:33,620 --> 00:13:34,954
that you don't trust me
to handle this.
339
00:13:35,005 --> 00:13:37,290
It's not that
I don't trust you, okay?
340
00:13:37,358 --> 00:13:40,059
It's just... This harvest festival
is my project.
341
00:13:40,127 --> 00:13:42,195
It's my career on the line.
342
00:13:42,263 --> 00:13:43,396
And I just need to make sure
343
00:13:43,464 --> 00:13:46,833
that I've done everything I can
to make it work.
344
00:13:46,901 --> 00:13:48,651
Okay.
345
00:13:48,736 --> 00:13:50,170
It's showtime.
346
00:13:50,237 --> 00:13:51,771
Okay.
347
00:13:51,822 --> 00:13:53,940
Good evening, everyone.
I'm Leslie Monster.
348
00:13:53,991 --> 00:13:55,775
And this is Nightline.
349
00:13:55,826 --> 00:13:57,160
Okay, I wouldn't open
with that.
350
00:13:57,244 --> 00:13:58,328
No?
351
00:13:58,412 --> 00:14:00,180
- Why don't we sit down. Okay?
- Yep.
352
00:14:00,247 --> 00:14:04,050
Libertarianism is all
about individual liberty,
353
00:14:04,118 --> 00:14:05,451
and it should never be defined
354
00:14:05,519 --> 00:14:07,837
by the terms "liberal"
or "conservative."
355
00:14:07,922 --> 00:14:10,540
And communism is
no good, right?
356
00:14:10,624 --> 00:14:11,541
That's right.
357
00:14:11,625 --> 00:14:13,359
Big swing and a miss.
358
00:14:13,427 --> 00:14:14,494
And what's the word
359
00:14:14,562 --> 00:14:17,030
for when a few clerics are
in charge?
360
00:14:17,097 --> 00:14:18,064
Religious oligarchy.
361
00:14:18,132 --> 00:14:20,466
Holy [bleep].
362
00:14:20,518 --> 00:14:22,852
- I can remember things.
- I guess.
363
00:14:22,937 --> 00:14:25,405
Mm, hey, keep mine rare.
364
00:14:25,472 --> 00:14:28,558
A man after my own heart.
365
00:14:30,377 --> 00:14:33,413
I vomited
somewhere in this room.
366
00:14:33,480 --> 00:14:35,882
I don't remember where, though.
367
00:14:35,950 --> 00:14:39,586
Wait. You might want to check
that drawer.
368
00:14:39,653 --> 00:14:42,422
Stop...
369
00:14:42,489 --> 00:14:43,890
Pooping.
370
00:14:43,958 --> 00:14:46,059
You have to get up
off the floor now.
371
00:14:46,126 --> 00:14:47,427
This floor is my friend.
372
00:14:47,494 --> 00:14:49,996
Nothing like a complete
physical breakdown
373
00:14:50,064 --> 00:14:52,799
to make a guy seem
less intimidating.
374
00:14:52,867 --> 00:14:54,434
I love the flu.
375
00:14:54,501 --> 00:14:55,919
And then I said,
"uh, you know what?
376
00:14:56,003 --> 00:15:00,340
I think we need to get
these bananas out of here."
377
00:15:00,407 --> 00:15:01,641
Have a seat, boys.
378
00:15:01,709 --> 00:15:03,610
Oh, hey, Tom,
glad you could make it.
379
00:15:03,677 --> 00:15:06,045
Uh, you have a nice day
with your spa buddies?
380
00:15:06,113 --> 00:15:07,730
Actually, yes, Ben, I did.
381
00:15:07,815 --> 00:15:09,415
And my spa buddies own
382
00:15:09,483 --> 00:15:11,234
a couple of car dealerships
in town,
383
00:15:11,318 --> 00:15:12,886
and they've agreed to donate
384
00:15:12,953 --> 00:15:15,255
a fleet of vehicles
for harvest festival...
385
00:15:15,322 --> 00:15:18,124
25 vans for the entire event.
386
00:15:18,192 --> 00:15:20,460
Okay, Tom, I'm ready.
Get up there and introduce me.
387
00:15:20,527 --> 00:15:21,828
You got it.
388
00:15:21,895 --> 00:15:23,663
I can't let you
do this, Leslie.
389
00:15:23,731 --> 00:15:26,699
Hey, this ain't
your call, McCluskey.
390
00:15:26,767 --> 00:15:30,086
Hey, Ron,
can I ask you a question?
391
00:15:30,170 --> 00:15:33,106
- Sure.
- It's about April.
392
00:15:33,173 --> 00:15:36,409
I don't like to get involved
in people's personal...
393
00:15:36,477 --> 00:15:39,629
I hurt her feelings,
and now she's pissed at me.
394
00:15:39,713 --> 00:15:41,247
I feel like
if I could just explain myself,
395
00:15:41,298 --> 00:15:44,250
she'd understand,
but she's avoiding me.
396
00:15:44,318 --> 00:15:46,486
It's making me miserable.
397
00:15:49,456 --> 00:15:52,091
April's in the hospital,
sick with the flu.
398
00:15:52,142 --> 00:15:53,109
What?
399
00:15:53,193 --> 00:15:54,560
I knew it!
400
00:15:54,612 --> 00:15:55,778
I didn't know that.
401
00:15:55,863 --> 00:15:57,730
- Is she okay?
- Yeah, she's fine.
402
00:15:57,781 --> 00:15:59,565
You can go visit her
tomorrow morning.
403
00:15:59,633 --> 00:16:01,117
But don't tell her I told you.
404
00:16:01,201 --> 00:16:03,503
I won't.
405
00:16:03,570 --> 00:16:06,272
No, no.
Nope.
406
00:16:06,323 --> 00:16:07,273
Come here.
Ugh.
407
00:16:07,324 --> 00:16:08,992
Ohhh!
408
00:16:09,076 --> 00:16:12,445
Before we get started,
a quick announcement...
409
00:16:12,513 --> 00:16:15,348
Every Thursday night
is ladies' night
410
00:16:15,416 --> 00:16:18,751
down at the Snakehole Lounge
over on Burnham Avenue.
411
00:16:18,819 --> 00:16:21,254
Ladies get two drinks
for the price of one.
412
00:16:21,305 --> 00:16:22,822
Oh, no, that can't be right.
413
00:16:22,890 --> 00:16:25,425
That's way too good of a deal.
414
00:16:25,476 --> 00:16:27,126
Nope.
415
00:16:27,194 --> 00:16:29,178
That is what it says.
416
00:16:29,263 --> 00:16:30,179
Wow.
417
00:16:30,264 --> 00:16:31,648
That sounds like a fun time.
418
00:16:31,732 --> 00:16:33,700
Anyway, uh,
419
00:16:33,767 --> 00:16:35,401
it is now my great honor
to welcome to the stage
420
00:16:35,469 --> 00:16:38,371
the woman responsible
for the entire harvest festival.
421
00:16:38,439 --> 00:16:40,473
Ladies and gentlemen,
Leslie Knope!
422
00:16:53,454 --> 00:16:54,820
Every one of you,
423
00:16:54,872 --> 00:16:57,206
just by showing
up here tonight,
424
00:16:57,291 --> 00:16:58,624
has already made history.
425
00:16:58,676 --> 00:17:01,527
In days past,
the harvest festival
426
00:17:01,595 --> 00:17:03,212
was the cornerstone
427
00:17:03,297 --> 00:17:05,848
of Pawnee's
small-business community...
428
00:17:05,933 --> 00:17:07,467
a weeklong showcase
429
00:17:07,518 --> 00:17:10,803
for everything from textiles
to small farms.
430
00:17:10,854 --> 00:17:13,022
By our estimates,
as many as 30,000 people
431
00:17:13,107 --> 00:17:14,674
might attend the festival,
432
00:17:14,742 --> 00:17:16,075
and the monetary value
433
00:17:16,143 --> 00:17:18,561
of that kind of direct
customer-to-business exposure
434
00:17:18,645 --> 00:17:21,014
is, frankly, incalculable.
435
00:17:23,200 --> 00:17:25,218
What?
436
00:17:25,285 --> 00:17:26,753
Three, two, one.
437
00:17:26,820 --> 00:17:28,204
And my shift's over.
438
00:17:28,288 --> 00:17:30,189
What the [bleep]
is your problem?
439
00:17:30,257 --> 00:17:31,858
Whoa, I thought
you weren't gonna lose it.
440
00:17:31,925 --> 00:17:33,993
While I was on duty, I didn't.
Now it's just me.
441
00:17:34,061 --> 00:17:36,429
I get that you're mad
that I kissed Andy, okay?
442
00:17:36,497 --> 00:17:37,830
But it was a moment
of confusion,
443
00:17:37,898 --> 00:17:39,198
and it was a mistake.
444
00:17:39,249 --> 00:17:40,700
And I'm very sorry.
445
00:17:40,768 --> 00:17:42,085
You want to hate me forever?
446
00:17:42,169 --> 00:17:43,553
- Okay.
- Fine!
447
00:17:43,637 --> 00:17:44,937
You know what?
I don't care.
448
00:17:45,005 --> 00:17:46,372
But you shouldn't take it out
on Andy,
449
00:17:46,440 --> 00:17:48,874
because he really likes you,
and he did nothing wrong.
450
00:17:48,926 --> 00:17:52,211
And just for the record,
I'm starting to hate you too.
451
00:17:54,948 --> 00:17:57,683
That's the most
I've ever liked Ann.
452
00:17:57,735 --> 00:17:59,769
The time is now.
453
00:17:59,853 --> 00:18:01,904
The place is Pawnee.
454
00:18:01,989 --> 00:18:04,223
Let's make history.
455
00:18:06,160 --> 00:18:08,745
That was amazing.
456
00:18:08,829 --> 00:18:10,396
That was a flu-ridden
Michael Jordan
457
00:18:10,464 --> 00:18:12,598
at the '97 NBA finals.
458
00:18:12,666 --> 00:18:14,233
That was...
459
00:18:14,284 --> 00:18:16,035
Kirk Gibson
hobbling up to the plate
460
00:18:16,103 --> 00:18:17,587
and hitting a homer
off of Dennis Eckersley.
461
00:18:17,671 --> 00:18:20,740
That was...
462
00:18:20,808 --> 00:18:23,476
That was Leslie Knope.
463
00:18:23,544 --> 00:18:25,745
Thank you so much.
Any questions?
464
00:18:25,813 --> 00:18:27,463
Yes, sir?
465
00:18:27,548 --> 00:18:30,149
Are we going to get
the same sales-tax incentives
466
00:18:30,217 --> 00:18:31,267
we used to?
467
00:18:31,351 --> 00:18:33,186
That's a very good
question, sir,
468
00:18:33,253 --> 00:18:36,255
and I would counter
with my own question, which is,
469
00:18:36,306 --> 00:18:38,808
why is half of your face
all swirly?
470
00:18:38,892 --> 00:18:40,293
Okay, um, unfortunately,
471
00:18:40,360 --> 00:18:43,312
Leslie has another very
important meeting right now.
472
00:18:43,397 --> 00:18:44,814
So if you have
any other questions,
473
00:18:44,898 --> 00:18:46,599
you can just direct them,
uh, towards me.
474
00:18:46,667 --> 00:18:47,817
Give it up, everybody,
475
00:18:47,901 --> 00:18:49,602
for Scott Bakula
from Quantum Leap.
476
00:18:49,653 --> 00:18:52,038
All right.
Okay, let's...
477
00:18:52,105 --> 00:18:53,906
Excuse me.
478
00:18:53,957 --> 00:18:56,509
Um, and to answer
your question, sir,
479
00:18:56,577 --> 00:18:58,411
there will be
sales-tax incentives this year.
480
00:18:58,479 --> 00:18:59,912
I think I should drive you
to the hospital.
481
00:18:59,980 --> 00:19:01,581
Was I wearing a tiara
when I came in here?
482
00:19:01,648 --> 00:19:03,116
Because if you happen upon it,
483
00:19:03,183 --> 00:19:04,717
will you have Lady Pennyface
retrieve it
484
00:19:04,785 --> 00:19:06,119
and send it posthence?
485
00:19:06,186 --> 00:19:07,220
Chocolate-covered popcorn.
486
00:19:09,956 --> 00:19:11,974
- Oh, hey.
- Hey, there.
487
00:19:12,059 --> 00:19:14,227
I got you, uh,
some waffles here,
488
00:19:14,294 --> 00:19:16,095
courtesy of JJ's diner,
489
00:19:16,146 --> 00:19:17,897
and chicken soup,
courtesy of me.
490
00:19:17,964 --> 00:19:19,816
- I'll take the waffles.
- Okay.
491
00:19:19,900 --> 00:19:22,235
Thank you.
492
00:19:22,302 --> 00:19:23,903
So how did the rest
of the meeting go?
493
00:19:23,970 --> 00:19:26,823
Um, well, you said you needed
494
00:19:26,907 --> 00:19:28,474
80 total businesses
to participate.
495
00:19:28,525 --> 00:19:30,076
Yeah.
496
00:19:30,143 --> 00:19:31,244
We have 110...
497
00:19:31,311 --> 00:19:32,612
And counting.
498
00:19:32,663 --> 00:19:34,980
So, uh, nice work, Leslie.
499
00:19:35,032 --> 00:19:36,999
- Nice work to you too.
- Oh.
500
00:19:37,084 --> 00:19:39,285
Uh, left the chicken soup there,
just in case.
501
00:19:39,336 --> 00:19:41,537
It's an old family recipe.
502
00:19:41,622 --> 00:19:44,123
It's not a big deal, but...
503
00:19:44,174 --> 00:19:46,292
- Thank you for that.
- Okay.
504
00:19:50,848 --> 00:19:52,164
Hi, April.
505
00:19:52,216 --> 00:19:54,050
It's me, Andy.
506
00:19:54,134 --> 00:19:56,519
Just stay sleeping.
507
00:19:56,603 --> 00:20:00,339
I am going to be here
when you wake up.
508
00:20:00,407 --> 00:20:02,441
I will not leave your side.
509
00:20:07,347 --> 00:20:11,734
You could be asleep for hours.
Maybe I'll come back later.
510
00:20:11,818 --> 00:20:14,019
Hope you feel better.
Okay.
511
00:20:14,071 --> 00:20:16,455
Oh, and I know you think
that I'm a jerk,
512
00:20:16,523 --> 00:20:19,158
but I hope you can forgive me.
513
00:20:22,746 --> 00:20:24,463
Gross.
Your forehead is all sweaty.
514
00:20:24,531 --> 00:20:26,048
That's gross.
515
00:20:28,135 --> 00:20:29,969
But I still like you.
516
00:20:30,036 --> 00:20:31,037
Okay.
517
00:20:31,104 --> 00:20:33,038
Oh, that's disgusting.
518
00:20:40,557 --> 00:20:41,674
Got your message.
What's up?
519
00:20:41,758 --> 00:20:43,476
I got a call
from the boys upstairs.
520
00:20:44,064 --> 00:20:45,726
And they have
a new assignment for us.
521
00:20:45,846 --> 00:20:46,890
- Okay.
- Yeah.
522
00:20:47,010 --> 00:20:50,387
And I feel like we should ask
for an extension to stay here.
523
00:20:50,706 --> 00:20:52,087
Yes, definitely.
You know...
524
00:20:52,207 --> 00:20:54,092
The festival thing's
getting pretty huge,
525
00:20:54,120 --> 00:20:56,717
and, uh, couple loose ends
that need tying up.
526
00:20:56,837 --> 00:20:59,077
Good, so I'll make the call,
then, to get the extension?
527
00:20:59,123 --> 00:21:00,580
- Yeah, they need our help.
- For the loose ends.
528
00:21:00,700 --> 00:21:01,644
- Great.
- Good.
529
00:21:01,695 --> 00:21:03,556
Okay, you need
a ride back to the office?
530
00:21:03,607 --> 00:21:05,576
No, no, I'm gonna go
for a light 15k.
531
00:21:05,696 --> 00:21:06,653
I missed yesterday.
532
00:21:08,121 --> 00:21:09,475
Way to go, buddy.
Way to go.
533
00:21:09,675 --> 00:21:19,875
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