1 00:00:00,463 --> 00:00:02,830 Okay, Jerry, what have you chosen 2 00:00:02,831 --> 00:00:03,898 to put in the time capsule? 3 00:00:03,899 --> 00:00:05,965 These are my mother's diaries. 4 00:00:06,033 --> 00:00:07,167 Wow. 5 00:00:07,234 --> 00:00:08,635 Yeah, she lived in Pawnee all of her life 6 00:00:08,702 --> 00:00:10,570 and recorded everything she ever did. 7 00:00:10,638 --> 00:00:11,704 Yeah, so it's, you know, kind of like 8 00:00:11,772 --> 00:00:13,339 a living document about the town. 9 00:00:13,407 --> 00:00:14,541 Hmm. 10 00:00:14,608 --> 00:00:16,709 A disappointingly good idea from Jerry. 11 00:00:16,777 --> 00:00:18,144 Better than good, Jerry. Perfect. 12 00:00:18,212 --> 00:00:19,746 Give me that. 13 00:00:19,813 --> 00:00:22,415 "January 18, 1964. 14 00:00:22,483 --> 00:00:25,518 "Jerrold starred in his school production of Peter Pan. 15 00:00:25,586 --> 00:00:27,520 He was a beautiful Tinker Bell." 16 00:00:29,056 --> 00:00:30,790 It was an all-boys school. 17 00:00:34,395 --> 00:00:37,797 Jerry! 18 00:00:37,865 --> 00:00:38,898 Hey, Leslie, I have an idea. 19 00:00:38,966 --> 00:00:40,767 Why don't we put Eduardo in there 20 00:00:40,834 --> 00:00:44,437 and seal the top so that he suffocates and dies? 21 00:00:44,505 --> 00:00:46,673 Okay, Tom, you're up. 22 00:00:46,740 --> 00:00:48,975 For my item, I chose a picture 23 00:00:49,043 --> 00:00:51,110 of my ex-girlfriend Lucy 24 00:00:51,178 --> 00:00:53,012 with a mustache drawn on her face 25 00:00:53,080 --> 00:00:55,415 and stink lines coming off her, 'cause she stinks. 26 00:00:55,482 --> 00:00:57,984 She broke up with me. Didn't really tell me why. 27 00:00:58,052 --> 00:00:59,285 Luckily, when you're the guy, 28 00:00:59,353 --> 00:01:00,853 you can just tell people she's crazy. 29 00:01:00,921 --> 00:01:03,223 "Hey, Tom, I heard you and Lucy broke up." 30 00:01:03,290 --> 00:01:05,892 "Yeah, man. Turns out she's crazy." 31 00:01:05,960 --> 00:01:08,228 That's what they always do on Entourage. 32 00:01:08,295 --> 00:01:09,662 Ron? 33 00:01:09,730 --> 00:01:11,030 I am submitting this menu 34 00:01:11,098 --> 00:01:13,633 from a Pawnee institution, JJ's diner, 35 00:01:13,701 --> 00:01:15,935 home of the world's best breakfast dish, 36 00:01:16,003 --> 00:01:18,605 the four horse meals of the egg-pork-alypse. 37 00:01:18,672 --> 00:01:20,206 Wendy loves it too. 38 00:01:20,274 --> 00:01:22,909 And I am submitting this. 39 00:01:22,977 --> 00:01:26,012 A brief history of everything that has ever happened 40 00:01:26,080 --> 00:01:27,280 since Pawnee was founded. 41 00:01:27,348 --> 00:01:29,249 Not like you get extra credit for this, 42 00:01:29,316 --> 00:01:30,717 but I did type it from memory. 43 00:01:30,784 --> 00:01:32,452 And for the first time ever compiled, 44 00:01:32,519 --> 00:01:34,921 it includes a complete list 45 00:01:34,989 --> 00:01:37,290 of every official town slogan we've ever had. 46 00:01:37,358 --> 00:01:38,625 - Oh, my God, Leslie. - I know. Can you believe it? 47 00:01:38,692 --> 00:01:40,260 - That's crazy. - Isn't it? 48 00:01:40,327 --> 00:01:42,729 "Pawnee: The Paris of America. 49 00:01:42,763 --> 00:01:45,632 "Pawnee: The Akron of Southwest Indiana. 50 00:01:45,699 --> 00:01:48,334 Pawnee: Welcome, German soldiers." 51 00:01:48,402 --> 00:01:51,504 After the Nazis took France, our mayor kind of panicked. 52 00:01:51,572 --> 00:01:53,840 "Pawnee: The factory fire capital of America. 53 00:01:53,907 --> 00:01:56,509 "Pawnee: Welcome, Vietnamese soldiers. 54 00:01:56,577 --> 00:01:58,678 Pawnee: Engage with Zorp." 55 00:01:58,746 --> 00:02:00,346 For a brief time in the '70s, 56 00:02:00,414 --> 00:02:02,215 our town was taken over by a cult. 57 00:02:02,283 --> 00:02:04,817 "Pawnee: Zorp is dead. Long live Zorp. 58 00:02:04,885 --> 00:02:06,919 "Pawnee: It's safe to be here now. 59 00:02:06,987 --> 00:02:09,589 Pawnee: Birthplace of Julia Roberts." 60 00:02:09,657 --> 00:02:11,891 That was a lie, she sued, and so we had to change it. 61 00:02:11,959 --> 00:02:13,993 "Pawnee: Home of the world-famous 62 00:02:14,061 --> 00:02:15,561 "Julia Roberts lawsuit. 63 00:02:15,629 --> 00:02:18,264 Pawnee: Welcome, Taliban soldiers." 64 00:02:18,332 --> 00:02:20,166 And finally, our current slogan: 65 00:02:20,234 --> 00:02:23,736 "Pawnee: First in friendship, fourth in obesity." 66 00:02:26,807 --> 00:02:37,247 Sync by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com 67 00:02:44,867 --> 00:02:46,927 Yes, Pawnee has had its set of problems, 68 00:02:46,928 --> 00:02:50,022 but this time capsule is our way of saying 69 00:02:50,023 --> 00:02:53,125 that Pawnee is gonna be around for a long time... 70 00:02:53,193 --> 00:02:54,293 Capsule. 71 00:02:54,988 --> 00:02:56,322 And you can quote me on that. 72 00:02:56,389 --> 00:02:57,990 Oh, I'm actually gonna quote you on all of this, 73 00:02:58,058 --> 00:02:59,358 'cause it's a newspaper article. 74 00:02:59,426 --> 00:03:00,559 - I thought of a great headline. - Great. 75 00:03:00,627 --> 00:03:03,262 It's time to encapsulate the future. 76 00:03:03,330 --> 00:03:04,763 - Good one. - Sub headline: 77 00:03:04,831 --> 00:03:06,332 The parks department cuts the crapsule, 78 00:03:06,399 --> 00:03:07,766 buries the time capsule. 79 00:03:07,834 --> 00:03:09,168 I'll be back tomorrow with the photographer. 80 00:03:09,236 --> 00:03:10,703 Okay. 81 00:03:10,770 --> 00:03:12,571 Leslie, this guy's here. 82 00:03:12,639 --> 00:03:14,306 Hi. Can I help you? 83 00:03:14,374 --> 00:03:15,708 I'm Kelly Larson. 84 00:03:15,775 --> 00:03:17,276 I read online about your time capsule, 85 00:03:17,344 --> 00:03:18,811 and I'm here to make a suggestion. 86 00:03:18,879 --> 00:03:20,379 Oh, I'm sorry. We're not taking sugges... 87 00:03:20,447 --> 00:03:21,780 The Twilight books. 88 00:03:21,848 --> 00:03:23,649 It's a beautifully-told saga of vampires, 89 00:03:23,717 --> 00:03:25,150 werewolves, and romance. 90 00:03:25,218 --> 00:03:26,986 Ah, you are the person that's been emailing me 91 00:03:27,053 --> 00:03:28,621 about Twilight. 92 00:03:28,688 --> 00:03:30,756 I thought you would be younger... 93 00:03:30,824 --> 00:03:32,091 And a girl. 94 00:03:32,158 --> 00:03:33,926 Well, I'm not. I'm older and a boy. 95 00:03:33,994 --> 00:03:36,362 But I feel very strongly that these should be included. 96 00:03:36,429 --> 00:03:38,464 Can I tell you why? 97 00:03:38,531 --> 00:03:39,531 Sure, Kelly. Have a seat. 98 00:03:39,599 --> 00:03:41,100 - Awesome. - And plead your case. 99 00:03:41,167 --> 00:03:44,036 Thanks. Okay, Christmas Eve, 1973. 100 00:03:44,104 --> 00:03:46,005 Author Stephenie Meyer, nee Morgan, 101 00:03:46,072 --> 00:03:47,473 was born in Hartford, Connecticut. 102 00:03:47,540 --> 00:03:50,576 Oh, you're going all the way back to her birth. Okay. 103 00:03:50,644 --> 00:03:52,845 So basically, Ann kissed me 104 00:03:52,913 --> 00:03:55,514 and then April kissed me, and I told April, 105 00:03:55,582 --> 00:03:57,850 because of honesty is important. 106 00:03:57,918 --> 00:03:59,485 That's so true. 107 00:03:59,552 --> 00:04:00,986 But now she's gone and gotten herself 108 00:04:01,054 --> 00:04:02,888 a Venezuelan boyfriend who's, like, 109 00:04:02,956 --> 00:04:04,790 the handsomest dude I've ever seen. 110 00:04:04,858 --> 00:04:06,458 Present company excluded. 111 00:04:06,526 --> 00:04:08,027 Oh, thank you. 112 00:04:08,094 --> 00:04:09,962 Uh, I was talking about me. 113 00:04:10,030 --> 00:04:11,664 Hey. 114 00:04:11,731 --> 00:04:12,865 Ann Perkins! 115 00:04:12,933 --> 00:04:14,667 Andy just gave me a phenomenal shoeshine 116 00:04:14,734 --> 00:04:17,269 and I did not know that you two once lived together. 117 00:04:17,337 --> 00:04:19,138 Yes. Yes, we did. 118 00:04:19,205 --> 00:04:22,041 Thank you for catching him up on our history. 119 00:04:22,108 --> 00:04:23,909 Andy, that was an amazing shoeshine. 120 00:04:23,977 --> 00:04:28,213 I can literally see my face in my shoes. 121 00:04:28,281 --> 00:04:29,581 See you later! 122 00:04:29,649 --> 00:04:30,883 He didn't... he didn't pay me. 123 00:04:30,951 --> 00:04:32,251 Why are you hanging out with Chris? 124 00:04:32,319 --> 00:04:33,485 He just sat down. 125 00:04:33,553 --> 00:04:34,887 What am I supposed to do? He's my boss. 126 00:04:34,955 --> 00:04:36,755 - No, he's not. - He isn't? 127 00:04:36,823 --> 00:04:38,524 God dang it. 128 00:04:38,591 --> 00:04:40,826 I cannot figure out who my boss is. 129 00:04:40,894 --> 00:04:42,194 Andy, I like this guy. 130 00:04:42,262 --> 00:04:45,164 Please don't do anything weird, I beg you. 131 00:04:45,231 --> 00:04:48,000 I just started dating Chris, and I don't know how, 132 00:04:48,068 --> 00:04:49,802 but Andy's gonna screw it up. 133 00:04:49,869 --> 00:04:51,537 Andy screws everything up. 134 00:04:51,604 --> 00:04:53,472 When we were dating, I bought him a fish 135 00:04:53,540 --> 00:04:55,074 and I don't want to get into it, 136 00:04:55,141 --> 00:04:58,844 but somehow that fish ended up dead in a cowboy boot. 137 00:04:58,912 --> 00:05:00,379 And combined, they have sold more than 138 00:05:00,447 --> 00:05:02,748 100 million copies worldwide. 139 00:05:02,816 --> 00:05:04,917 Now, have you seen any of the Twilight movies? 140 00:05:04,985 --> 00:05:06,285 No, I have not. 141 00:05:06,353 --> 00:05:08,320 Well, let me describe them to you shot-for-shot. 142 00:05:08,388 --> 00:05:10,456 Movie number one. Twilight. 143 00:05:10,523 --> 00:05:12,758 We slowly pan up over a mossy log 144 00:05:12,826 --> 00:05:14,860 to see a deer drinking crystal-clear water. 145 00:05:14,928 --> 00:05:17,162 Okay, Kelly, this time capsule 146 00:05:17,230 --> 00:05:20,299 isn't just a barrel full of stuff that people like. 147 00:05:20,367 --> 00:05:23,469 It's about life in Pawnee at this moment in time, 148 00:05:23,536 --> 00:05:25,504 and there is nothing in Twilight 149 00:05:25,572 --> 00:05:27,272 that is specific to Pawnee. 150 00:05:27,340 --> 00:05:28,640 I disagree, okay? 151 00:05:28,708 --> 00:05:31,043 The town of Forks, Washington is exactly like Pawnee, 152 00:05:31,111 --> 00:05:34,380 except for the climate and the vampires. 153 00:05:34,447 --> 00:05:35,948 I'm sorry. I have to say no. 154 00:05:36,016 --> 00:05:37,616 I beg you to reconsider. 155 00:05:37,684 --> 00:05:38,951 And I'm gonna have to ask you to leave. 156 00:05:39,019 --> 00:05:41,954 Then I'm gonna have to do this. 157 00:05:47,961 --> 00:05:48,894 He brought handcuffs with him. 158 00:05:48,962 --> 00:05:50,396 This whole thing was planned. 159 00:05:50,463 --> 00:05:51,997 I think it's kind of cool. 160 00:05:52,065 --> 00:05:53,365 It's not cool. 161 00:05:53,433 --> 00:05:55,267 It's trespassing, and that is breaking the rules. 162 00:05:55,335 --> 00:05:57,269 Cool people make the rules. They don't break the rules. 163 00:05:57,337 --> 00:05:58,704 And if those kids want you to break the rules, 164 00:05:58,772 --> 00:05:59,905 then they aren't really your friends. 165 00:05:59,973 --> 00:06:01,740 Whoa, who are you even talking about? 166 00:06:01,808 --> 00:06:03,008 I don't know. I'm sorry. I'm just annoyed. 167 00:06:03,076 --> 00:06:04,676 But while we're on the subject, 168 00:06:04,744 --> 00:06:06,945 your friend Orrin with the long black nails and the cloak? 169 00:06:07,013 --> 00:06:07,946 He concerns me. 170 00:06:08,014 --> 00:06:09,381 He's a genius. 171 00:06:09,449 --> 00:06:11,650 I'll care of this trespasser. 172 00:06:11,718 --> 00:06:13,652 Give me 30 seconds. 173 00:06:13,720 --> 00:06:14,887 I'm just gonna call security. 174 00:06:14,954 --> 00:06:17,423 Guys, can we push the meeting an hour? 175 00:06:17,490 --> 00:06:18,891 What's going on? 176 00:06:18,958 --> 00:06:21,026 Some guy handcuffed himself to a pipe in my office 177 00:06:21,094 --> 00:06:22,628 because we wouldn't put a copy of Twilight 178 00:06:22,695 --> 00:06:23,762 in the time capsule. 179 00:06:23,830 --> 00:06:25,998 Damn it. Again? 180 00:06:27,934 --> 00:06:29,435 You look sad. 181 00:06:29,502 --> 00:06:30,602 You look like a weird goon 182 00:06:30,670 --> 00:06:32,204 who's obsessed with a kid's book. 183 00:06:32,272 --> 00:06:33,405 It's a girl, isn't it? 184 00:06:33,473 --> 00:06:35,107 I can tell. 185 00:06:35,175 --> 00:06:36,675 It's the look that Mike had on his face 186 00:06:36,743 --> 00:06:38,544 when Bella turned him down for the dance. 187 00:06:38,611 --> 00:06:40,145 Oh, yeah? Is it? 188 00:06:40,213 --> 00:06:41,513 What look did your mom have on her face 189 00:06:41,581 --> 00:06:43,682 when she realized her son was a complete failure? 190 00:06:43,750 --> 00:06:45,651 Okay, I'll be quiet. 191 00:06:45,718 --> 00:06:47,953 But I do know something about heartbreak. 192 00:06:48,021 --> 00:06:49,354 And you know who else does? 193 00:06:49,422 --> 00:06:52,091 - Kenneth "Babyface" Edmonds? - No. 194 00:06:52,158 --> 00:06:55,394 A little lady named Twilight author Stephenie Meyer. 195 00:06:55,462 --> 00:06:57,429 Trust me. 196 00:06:57,497 --> 00:06:58,864 You should listen to him. 197 00:06:58,932 --> 00:07:00,732 Those books are good. 198 00:07:00,800 --> 00:07:03,202 Oh, I love any book about vampires, 199 00:07:03,269 --> 00:07:05,838 werewolves, monsters, zombies, 200 00:07:05,905 --> 00:07:10,008 sorcerers, beasties, or time-traveling romances. 201 00:07:10,076 --> 00:07:12,444 And if I had an hour alone with Robert Pattinson, 202 00:07:12,512 --> 00:07:14,646 he would forget all about Skinnylegs McGee. 203 00:07:14,714 --> 00:07:15,681 I'll tell you that much. 204 00:07:15,748 --> 00:07:17,349 Okay, buddy, time is up. 205 00:07:17,417 --> 00:07:18,617 Give us the keys. 206 00:07:18,685 --> 00:07:20,586 They're hidden somewhere very far away. 207 00:07:20,653 --> 00:07:21,954 Then we're gonna have to cut you loose. 208 00:07:22,021 --> 00:07:23,322 Why? I'm not doing anything wrong. 209 00:07:23,389 --> 00:07:25,224 Yes, you are. You're trespassing. 210 00:07:25,291 --> 00:07:27,759 Well, the fact remains this is perfectly legal. 211 00:07:27,827 --> 00:07:29,394 No, it's not. You're trespassing. 212 00:07:29,462 --> 00:07:31,597 Look, I really don't want to cause any trouble, 213 00:07:31,664 --> 00:07:33,398 but I am not gonna leave until you 214 00:07:33,466 --> 00:07:34,766 put Twilight in the time capsule. 215 00:07:34,834 --> 00:07:36,602 This muscle-headed storm trooper 216 00:07:36,669 --> 00:07:37,769 doesn't scare me. 217 00:07:37,837 --> 00:07:39,905 Go ahead, Artie. 218 00:07:39,973 --> 00:07:41,406 No! No! No! No! No! 219 00:07:41,474 --> 00:07:44,676 Please! No! No! No! No! No! No! Get him away from me! 220 00:07:44,744 --> 00:07:46,078 I am very scared of you! 221 00:07:46,146 --> 00:07:47,412 All right! 222 00:07:47,480 --> 00:07:48,947 Okay! All right! All right! All right! 223 00:07:49,015 --> 00:07:50,282 Stop. 224 00:07:50,350 --> 00:07:51,416 If he wants to stay in there, 225 00:07:51,484 --> 00:07:52,518 I'll let him stay in there. 226 00:07:52,585 --> 00:07:54,319 In two hours, he's gonna be so hungry 227 00:07:54,387 --> 00:07:59,158 and freaked out, he's gonna be begging me to... 228 00:07:59,225 --> 00:08:01,093 He brought a pillow. 229 00:08:01,161 --> 00:08:02,528 Hey, Leslie, I'm making some sleepytime tea. 230 00:08:02,595 --> 00:08:04,630 You want any? 231 00:08:07,245 --> 00:08:09,571 Hey, dude, wake up, man. 232 00:08:09,691 --> 00:08:11,759 Oh, morning, Tom. 233 00:08:11,827 --> 00:08:14,128 Twilight is dope. 234 00:08:14,196 --> 00:08:16,230 - I told you. - I couldn't put it down. 235 00:08:16,298 --> 00:08:18,332 It was like she was peering into my soul. 236 00:08:18,400 --> 00:08:20,401 Sing it, friend. Here. 237 00:08:20,469 --> 00:08:23,270 Book two. Twilight: New Moon. 238 00:08:23,338 --> 00:08:24,672 Get cracking. 239 00:08:24,739 --> 00:08:26,006 There's a second book? 240 00:08:26,074 --> 00:08:28,309 And a third and a fourth. 241 00:08:28,376 --> 00:08:31,312 No [bleep] way. 242 00:08:31,379 --> 00:08:33,080 - It's fantastic. - Yeah. 243 00:08:33,148 --> 00:08:35,182 I worked really hard. I did every pair that I could. 244 00:08:35,250 --> 00:08:37,952 I didn't know what to do with these. 245 00:08:38,019 --> 00:08:40,087 - I think they're gloves. - No, no, no, no. 246 00:08:40,155 --> 00:08:41,322 Those are sports sandals. 247 00:08:41,389 --> 00:08:42,790 They're for adventure racing. 248 00:08:42,858 --> 00:08:45,025 They perfectly contour to the human foot, 249 00:08:45,093 --> 00:08:48,028 and the human foot is the ultimate technology. 250 00:08:48,096 --> 00:08:49,730 Dude, that is the coolest sentence 251 00:08:49,798 --> 00:08:51,499 I've ever heard somebody talk. 252 00:08:51,566 --> 00:08:54,168 So you love April, 253 00:08:54,236 --> 00:08:55,503 and she has a new boyfriend, right? 254 00:08:55,570 --> 00:08:57,671 You got all of that from a picture? 255 00:08:57,739 --> 00:08:59,773 No, you told me yesterday. Andy... 256 00:08:59,841 --> 00:09:03,644 I want to help you win her over. 257 00:09:03,712 --> 00:09:04,945 Why do I want to help him? 258 00:09:05,013 --> 00:09:06,647 Because he's a good person. 259 00:09:06,715 --> 00:09:08,282 I love good people. 260 00:09:08,350 --> 00:09:10,784 Hey, you know who should wear these shoes? 261 00:09:10,852 --> 00:09:12,786 Monkeys. 262 00:09:15,190 --> 00:09:17,458 Well, this is an interesting turn of events. 263 00:09:17,526 --> 00:09:18,692 Is it? I-I don't know. 264 00:09:18,760 --> 00:09:20,060 I mean, I guess it's kind of interesting. 265 00:09:20,128 --> 00:09:21,128 What the real story is 266 00:09:21,196 --> 00:09:23,297 is how wonderful our time capsule is 267 00:09:23,365 --> 00:09:25,866 and how it perfectly encapsulates... 268 00:09:25,934 --> 00:09:27,334 a word I really think you should use... 269 00:09:27,402 --> 00:09:29,370 what our town is all about. 270 00:09:29,437 --> 00:09:30,905 Hey, how's this for a headline? 271 00:09:30,972 --> 00:09:33,507 "Parks department foiled by pipe dreams." 272 00:09:33,575 --> 00:09:35,643 God, that's an amazing headline, 273 00:09:35,710 --> 00:09:37,311 but please don't write that story. 274 00:09:37,379 --> 00:09:40,347 The key to April's heart is within you, Andy. 275 00:09:40,415 --> 00:09:42,216 You need to tap in to the aspects 276 00:09:42,284 --> 00:09:45,052 of your personality that she once found attractive 277 00:09:45,120 --> 00:09:48,489 to make yourself the best version of yourself. 278 00:09:48,557 --> 00:09:49,590 What's great about you? 279 00:09:49,658 --> 00:09:51,125 I'm nice. 280 00:09:51,192 --> 00:09:52,693 Good! Nice. 281 00:09:52,761 --> 00:09:54,228 What else? 282 00:09:54,296 --> 00:09:55,362 I'm in a band. 283 00:09:55,430 --> 00:09:57,631 Band! 284 00:09:57,699 --> 00:10:01,468 - What else? - That's it. 285 00:10:01,536 --> 00:10:03,404 Am I Team Edward? Yes. 286 00:10:03,471 --> 00:10:06,740 Do I share his concerns about turning Bella, though? 287 00:10:06,808 --> 00:10:08,142 Absolutely not. 288 00:10:08,209 --> 00:10:10,711 Edward's primary goal at all times 289 00:10:10,779 --> 00:10:12,146 is Bella's protection. 290 00:10:12,213 --> 00:10:15,316 Can you please, please be quiet? 291 00:10:15,383 --> 00:10:16,617 Sorry. Sorry. 292 00:10:16,685 --> 00:10:18,953 Please keep it down. Be considerate. 293 00:10:19,020 --> 00:10:20,321 Look at it this way, Tom. 294 00:10:20,388 --> 00:10:22,323 Bella's love for Edward is being tested. 295 00:10:22,390 --> 00:10:23,924 By Jacob? 296 00:10:23,992 --> 00:10:25,225 Mm. Not exactly. 297 00:10:25,293 --> 00:10:26,393 - The volturi? - Yes. 298 00:10:26,461 --> 00:10:27,595 Okay, you know what? All right. 299 00:10:27,662 --> 00:10:28,862 I'm gonna go do my work in the conference room, 300 00:10:28,930 --> 00:10:30,931 'cause you guys are the worst. 301 00:10:30,999 --> 00:10:32,900 You seem tense, Leslie. You know what you should do? 302 00:10:32,968 --> 00:10:34,168 Read Twilight? 303 00:10:34,235 --> 00:10:35,169 Read Twilight. Here. 304 00:10:35,236 --> 00:10:37,638 Yeah, thanks. 305 00:10:37,706 --> 00:10:39,640 Sometimes I think she's in the volturi. 306 00:10:44,112 --> 00:10:45,446 Good morning, Kelly. 307 00:10:45,513 --> 00:10:47,114 Oh, morning, Leslie. 308 00:10:47,182 --> 00:10:49,049 Hope you don't mind I moved myself over to this pipe. 309 00:10:49,117 --> 00:10:50,117 It's a little more comfortable. 310 00:10:50,185 --> 00:10:51,285 No problem. 311 00:10:51,353 --> 00:10:52,353 Did you have a nice night? Sleep well? 312 00:10:52,420 --> 00:10:53,921 Mm, it was all right, considering. 313 00:10:53,989 --> 00:10:55,022 Picked you up some coffee. 314 00:10:55,090 --> 00:10:56,290 Thank you so much. 315 00:10:56,358 --> 00:10:57,725 Well, you seem pretty chipper this morning. 316 00:10:57,792 --> 00:10:58,892 I am, Kelly, 317 00:10:58,960 --> 00:11:02,363 because I know why you're here. 318 00:11:02,430 --> 00:11:04,098 You know what I did last night? 319 00:11:04,165 --> 00:11:05,866 Read Twilight, and it transformed your life 320 00:11:05,934 --> 00:11:07,468 and you're gonna put it in the time capsule? 321 00:11:07,535 --> 00:11:09,069 Well, I read the first ten pages. 322 00:11:09,137 --> 00:11:10,604 I couldn't really get into it, though. 323 00:11:10,672 --> 00:11:12,706 More of a Harry Potter girl myself. 324 00:11:12,774 --> 00:11:13,974 What? 325 00:11:14,042 --> 00:11:15,442 But I looked at the inside cover, 326 00:11:15,510 --> 00:11:18,178 and I saw this. 327 00:11:18,246 --> 00:11:20,347 Did a little research, and Liz Waverly 328 00:11:20,415 --> 00:11:22,216 is 12 years old, a straight "A" student 329 00:11:22,283 --> 00:11:23,384 at King Philip Middle. 330 00:11:23,451 --> 00:11:25,586 She's also a member of many 331 00:11:25,654 --> 00:11:27,287 Twilight Internet message boards 332 00:11:27,355 --> 00:11:29,923 and I'm guessing your daughter? 333 00:11:29,991 --> 00:11:32,426 Is that why you did this? 334 00:11:32,494 --> 00:11:34,128 To impress your daughter? 335 00:11:34,195 --> 00:11:37,731 Liz's mom and I divorced a couple years ago, 336 00:11:37,799 --> 00:11:39,233 and it's been really hard on her. 337 00:11:39,300 --> 00:11:41,769 And she loves Twilight and so... 338 00:11:41,836 --> 00:11:43,604 I read about your time capsule and I thought 339 00:11:43,672 --> 00:11:45,072 that if I could somehow convince you 340 00:11:45,140 --> 00:11:47,641 to get it in there, I'd be a big hero. 341 00:11:47,709 --> 00:11:49,643 That's really sweet. 342 00:11:49,711 --> 00:11:52,613 You should have told me you were doing this for your daughter. 343 00:11:52,681 --> 00:11:54,481 I didn't want to drag her into it. 344 00:11:54,549 --> 00:11:56,250 I'm sorry. This is a mistake. 345 00:11:56,317 --> 00:11:58,485 You don't have to put Twilight in the time capsule. 346 00:12:00,488 --> 00:12:02,523 I think we should put Twilight in the time capsule. 347 00:12:02,590 --> 00:12:04,024 Leslie, no. 348 00:12:04,092 --> 00:12:05,893 We don't negotiate with weirdos. 349 00:12:05,960 --> 00:12:08,028 Yeah, what happened to, "a perfect encapsulation 350 00:12:08,096 --> 00:12:09,463 of life in Pawnee"? 351 00:12:09,531 --> 00:12:11,498 Well, for that guy, life in Pawnee 352 00:12:11,566 --> 00:12:13,634 is him and his daughter reading that book. 353 00:12:13,702 --> 00:12:15,569 Besides, I can get Shauna on board. 354 00:12:15,637 --> 00:12:17,438 It would make a great human interest story. 355 00:12:17,505 --> 00:12:19,006 Uh, if this gets out, 356 00:12:19,074 --> 00:12:20,741 every time you want to do anything, 357 00:12:20,809 --> 00:12:22,376 some guy's gonna come into your office 358 00:12:22,444 --> 00:12:24,044 and handcuff himself to a pipe. 359 00:12:24,112 --> 00:12:27,481 Well, yeah, that's a good point. 360 00:12:27,549 --> 00:12:30,718 Then we shall bring the pipe to them. 361 00:12:30,785 --> 00:12:31,785 Oh, no. 362 00:12:31,853 --> 00:12:34,354 Oh, yes. 363 00:12:34,422 --> 00:12:35,856 What does that mean? 364 00:12:35,924 --> 00:12:37,891 Crackpot convention. 365 00:12:37,959 --> 00:12:40,527 So that's what today's forum is for. 366 00:12:40,595 --> 00:12:42,129 We're gonna hear suggestions from everyone, 367 00:12:42,197 --> 00:12:44,865 and then whichever items we generally agree on 368 00:12:44,933 --> 00:12:47,735 will go into the time capsule. 369 00:12:47,802 --> 00:12:49,737 Please remember this is a government project, 370 00:12:49,804 --> 00:12:52,639 so we need to refrain from corporate promotion 371 00:12:52,707 --> 00:12:53,874 and religious items. 372 00:12:53,942 --> 00:12:55,042 Who'd like to start? 373 00:12:55,110 --> 00:12:57,544 I think we should put in the Bible. 374 00:12:57,612 --> 00:12:59,313 Great. 375 00:13:01,349 --> 00:13:04,318 Eduardo. 376 00:13:04,385 --> 00:13:05,652 Hi, Eduardo. 377 00:13:05,720 --> 00:13:07,988 I want to apologize. 378 00:13:08,056 --> 00:13:09,690 Just because you're dating my soul mate 379 00:13:09,758 --> 00:13:12,192 doesn't give me any right to be a jerk to you. 380 00:13:12,260 --> 00:13:13,527 Um, I promise from now on, 381 00:13:13,595 --> 00:13:16,029 I'm just gonna be... Super nice to you. 382 00:13:16,097 --> 00:13:17,331 Thank you for saying that. 383 00:13:17,398 --> 00:13:18,599 You're welcome. 384 00:13:18,666 --> 00:13:20,200 Um, what, uh, CDs are those? 385 00:13:20,268 --> 00:13:21,735 Mouse Rat. My band. 386 00:13:21,803 --> 00:13:23,637 It's our latest album. Yeah. 387 00:13:23,705 --> 00:13:25,606 You, uh, like music? What are you listening to? 388 00:13:25,673 --> 00:13:28,242 The Smiths. Ugh. Very depressing. 389 00:13:28,309 --> 00:13:29,543 April's making you listen to that? 390 00:13:29,611 --> 00:13:31,078 She's really into that indie stuff. 391 00:13:31,146 --> 00:13:33,680 I'm more of a Dave Matthews guy myself. 392 00:13:33,748 --> 00:13:35,616 David Matthews! Crash into me! 393 00:13:35,683 --> 00:13:38,185 Yes! I love that song. 394 00:13:38,253 --> 00:13:40,254 Here you go, here. Take one. Check us out. 395 00:13:40,321 --> 00:13:42,790 We're amazing, so let me know how much you like us. 396 00:13:42,857 --> 00:13:44,057 Yeah, gracias. 397 00:13:44,125 --> 00:13:46,026 That means "thank you"? 398 00:13:46,094 --> 00:13:48,128 - Yes. - Nailed it. 399 00:13:48,196 --> 00:13:51,465 So we have one very moving case for Twilight. 400 00:13:51,533 --> 00:13:53,801 Anyone else? Great. 401 00:13:53,868 --> 00:13:55,636 - Two people for Twilight. - Oh, no, no, no, no. 402 00:13:55,703 --> 00:13:58,071 I'm Marcia Langman from the Society 403 00:13:58,139 --> 00:13:59,773 for family stability foundation. 404 00:13:59,841 --> 00:14:02,142 This book contains pagan creatures 405 00:14:02,210 --> 00:14:04,411 and strong sexual overtones. 406 00:14:04,479 --> 00:14:07,014 There are girls quivering. 407 00:14:07,081 --> 00:14:09,550 There are boys staring deeply into girls' eyes 408 00:14:09,617 --> 00:14:11,485 as they quiver and so forth. 409 00:14:11,553 --> 00:14:13,287 There really is a tremendous amount of quivering. 410 00:14:13,354 --> 00:14:14,988 It is anti-Christian, 411 00:14:15,056 --> 00:14:17,024 it is pro-quivering, and the government 412 00:14:17,091 --> 00:14:18,926 has no business promoting it. 413 00:14:20,929 --> 00:14:22,429 I totally disagree. 414 00:14:22,497 --> 00:14:23,964 Well, now we have two people for Twilight. 415 00:14:24,032 --> 00:14:25,599 Absolutely not. 416 00:14:25,667 --> 00:14:27,701 I'm with the National Civil Liberties Association. 417 00:14:27,769 --> 00:14:31,572 That book actually contains overt Christian themes, 418 00:14:31,639 --> 00:14:34,074 and as such, has no business being associated 419 00:14:34,142 --> 00:14:35,742 with any government project. 420 00:14:35,810 --> 00:14:40,480 So too Christian and not Christian enough? 421 00:14:40,548 --> 00:14:41,815 Do you see the irony here? 422 00:14:41,883 --> 00:14:43,450 No? Okay. 423 00:14:43,518 --> 00:14:46,887 Uh, Donna, why don't you put a question mark 424 00:14:46,955 --> 00:14:48,021 next Twilight? 425 00:14:48,089 --> 00:14:50,057 No! You promised! 426 00:14:50,124 --> 00:14:51,892 You promised? That's not fair! 427 00:14:51,960 --> 00:14:53,260 Wait, it's not a question of fairness. 428 00:14:53,328 --> 00:14:55,128 - It's secul... - Go back to Russia, commie! 429 00:14:55,196 --> 00:14:56,663 Hey, you go back to Russia! 430 00:14:56,731 --> 00:14:58,098 And you go back to wherever you came from! 431 00:14:58,166 --> 00:14:59,266 Why would I go to Russia? 432 00:14:59,334 --> 00:15:00,701 I have no interest in traveling to Russia. 433 00:15:00,768 --> 00:15:01,935 Can I just say that? 434 00:15:03,356 --> 00:15:04,680 Um, who else? 435 00:15:04,800 --> 00:15:06,167 I would like to include my favorite book: 436 00:15:06,235 --> 00:15:08,436 Crazy from the Heat: The David Lee Roth Story. 437 00:15:09,313 --> 00:15:10,813 Well, I think if we're gonna be adding a book 438 00:15:10,881 --> 00:15:12,748 to the time capsule, it would probably be Twilight. 439 00:15:12,816 --> 00:15:14,217 I don't care about Twilight. 440 00:15:14,284 --> 00:15:15,918 Why is this only about his favorite book? 441 00:15:15,986 --> 00:15:17,620 I want my favorite book in there. 442 00:15:17,688 --> 00:15:19,455 Okay, I have an idea. 443 00:15:19,523 --> 00:15:21,691 Two time capsules. 444 00:15:21,758 --> 00:15:24,827 One that totally encapsulates what's happening 445 00:15:24,895 --> 00:15:26,596 right now in Pawnee in this moment in time 446 00:15:26,663 --> 00:15:28,064 and the other one that's just for items 447 00:15:28,131 --> 00:15:30,700 of personal significance, like Twilight. 448 00:15:30,767 --> 00:15:32,535 No Twilight! 449 00:15:32,603 --> 00:15:34,203 Yes, Twilight! 450 00:15:35,772 --> 00:15:38,140 - Hey. - Hey. 451 00:15:38,208 --> 00:15:39,542 Thanks for coming. 452 00:15:39,610 --> 00:15:42,011 I only have a second. I have to get to work. 453 00:15:42,079 --> 00:15:44,513 Bella's going on her first hunt. 454 00:15:46,750 --> 00:15:48,251 I just don't get why you broke up with me. 455 00:15:48,318 --> 00:15:49,652 Is it 'cause I'm not cool enough 456 00:15:49,720 --> 00:15:51,887 like the normal kids compared to the vampires? 457 00:15:51,955 --> 00:15:54,890 Is it an Edward-Bella-Jacob type situation 458 00:15:54,958 --> 00:15:57,893 where you like me but there's someone else you like more? 459 00:15:57,961 --> 00:16:02,231 Uh, it's nothing to do with Twilight. 460 00:16:02,299 --> 00:16:05,468 It just didn't work out. Okay? 461 00:16:05,535 --> 00:16:06,969 Well, what difference does it make? 462 00:16:07,037 --> 00:16:08,804 If we stayed together, you probably would have 463 00:16:08,872 --> 00:16:09,805 just dumped me for Ron. 464 00:16:09,873 --> 00:16:12,441 Actually, that's the reason. 465 00:16:12,509 --> 00:16:14,710 I believe you when you say that you're not in love 466 00:16:14,778 --> 00:16:17,013 with Wendy anymore, but you're definitely not cool 467 00:16:17,080 --> 00:16:18,147 with her dating Ron. 468 00:16:18,215 --> 00:16:19,482 You talk about it constantly. 469 00:16:19,549 --> 00:16:21,450 Well, I can't help it, okay? 470 00:16:21,518 --> 00:16:23,919 I mean, he's so manly, and he's my boss. 471 00:16:23,987 --> 00:16:26,522 Imagine if your boss was Angelina Jolie, 472 00:16:26,590 --> 00:16:28,257 and then one day, she just started 473 00:16:28,325 --> 00:16:29,525 dating your ex-boyfriend. 474 00:16:29,593 --> 00:16:30,860 Wouldn't that freak you out a little bit? 475 00:16:30,927 --> 00:16:33,496 Well, not if I had great new boyfriend, dumbass. 476 00:16:33,563 --> 00:16:35,498 Look, Tom, I like you. 477 00:16:35,565 --> 00:16:38,067 You're really cute and you're funny 478 00:16:38,135 --> 00:16:40,603 and you're small enough for me to throw you around. 479 00:16:40,671 --> 00:16:42,938 So if you ever work through this, 480 00:16:43,006 --> 00:16:44,940 then give me a call. 481 00:16:50,981 --> 00:16:53,215 My grandmother lived in Pawnee for 60 years, 482 00:16:53,283 --> 00:16:56,419 and I want to put her ashes in the time capsule. 483 00:16:56,486 --> 00:17:00,289 My cat, Turnip, was the greatest cat ever, 484 00:17:00,357 --> 00:17:03,025 and I'd like to put his ashes in the time capsule. 485 00:17:03,093 --> 00:17:06,128 For the last time, and I won't say this again, 486 00:17:06,196 --> 00:17:09,465 there will be no human or feline ashes 487 00:17:09,533 --> 00:17:11,200 in either one of the time capsules. 488 00:17:11,268 --> 00:17:13,336 Except for Turnip. 489 00:17:13,403 --> 00:17:15,371 Except for Turnip. 490 00:17:15,439 --> 00:17:16,672 No chanting. 491 00:17:16,740 --> 00:17:18,007 Look, we don't know what the world 492 00:17:18,075 --> 00:17:19,608 is going to be like in 50 years. 493 00:17:19,676 --> 00:17:23,546 We could all have been wiped out from disease or the flu. 494 00:17:23,613 --> 00:17:25,514 So what's your suggestion? 495 00:17:25,582 --> 00:17:27,583 I don't know. 496 00:17:27,651 --> 00:17:29,251 I'm just scared. 497 00:17:29,319 --> 00:17:30,686 Hey. 498 00:17:45,936 --> 00:17:47,103 Andy! 499 00:17:47,170 --> 00:17:49,205 I got two microphones, a four-track recorder, 500 00:17:49,272 --> 00:17:51,741 and every bass tab to Dave Matthews ever. 501 00:17:51,808 --> 00:17:52,942 - Vamos! - We're gonna jam 502 00:17:53,009 --> 00:17:54,410 for, like, nine hours. Is that cool? 503 00:17:54,478 --> 00:17:55,478 - Yeah. - All right. 504 00:17:55,545 --> 00:17:57,646 That's ridiculous. 505 00:17:57,714 --> 00:17:59,482 Now, why should the bill of rights 506 00:17:59,549 --> 00:18:02,151 be in the official time capsule 507 00:18:02,219 --> 00:18:04,487 but this painting of my dog 508 00:18:04,554 --> 00:18:07,056 is in time capsule seven? 509 00:18:07,124 --> 00:18:10,092 Well, I think pet paintings/ashes 510 00:18:10,160 --> 00:18:11,961 are in time capsule four. 511 00:18:12,028 --> 00:18:14,764 No, that's baseball cards. 512 00:18:14,831 --> 00:18:16,532 No, baseball cards 513 00:18:16,600 --> 00:18:19,268 are in time capsule nine: Childhood memorabilia. 514 00:18:19,336 --> 00:18:20,503 Honestly, Twilight could go 515 00:18:20,570 --> 00:18:22,104 in almost any of these categories. 516 00:18:22,172 --> 00:18:23,873 Oh, shut up, Kelly! 517 00:18:23,940 --> 00:18:25,341 Make me, Bob! 518 00:18:25,409 --> 00:18:27,843 Okay, let's take a ten-minute break! 519 00:18:27,911 --> 00:18:29,545 Oh, God. 520 00:18:29,613 --> 00:18:32,615 This time capsule's tearing this town apart. 521 00:18:32,682 --> 00:18:33,749 You're leaving soon. 522 00:18:33,817 --> 00:18:35,251 Can I blame it on you in the press? 523 00:18:35,318 --> 00:18:37,953 Sure. 524 00:18:38,021 --> 00:18:39,822 Well, I got to say, I think it's kind of impressive. 525 00:18:39,890 --> 00:18:41,123 I've been to a lot of towns. 526 00:18:41,191 --> 00:18:42,858 Usually people don't care about anything. 527 00:18:42,926 --> 00:18:44,393 I mean, don't get me wrong. 528 00:18:44,461 --> 00:18:46,195 These people are weirdos, 529 00:18:46,263 --> 00:18:50,032 but they're weirdos who care. 530 00:18:52,102 --> 00:18:53,769 Excuse me, everyone. 531 00:18:53,837 --> 00:18:56,872 I realize things have gotten a little out of control, 532 00:18:56,940 --> 00:18:58,874 and that's Ben's fault, and he's sorry. 533 00:18:58,942 --> 00:19:00,709 But I have an idea, and if you like it, 534 00:19:00,777 --> 00:19:03,646 I think we can end this right now. 535 00:19:03,713 --> 00:19:05,448 "Dear Pawnee of the future, 536 00:19:05,515 --> 00:19:07,283 "congratulations. 537 00:19:07,350 --> 00:19:09,185 "You have found a time capsule 538 00:19:09,252 --> 00:19:11,220 "that was buried over 50 years ago. 539 00:19:11,288 --> 00:19:14,123 "We wanted to include a collection of items 540 00:19:14,191 --> 00:19:15,357 "that would best represent 541 00:19:15,425 --> 00:19:18,027 "what life was like in our town at that moment. 542 00:19:18,094 --> 00:19:20,830 "Instead, you'll find only one item... 543 00:19:20,897 --> 00:19:24,533 "a video recording of a public forum we held 544 00:19:24,601 --> 00:19:27,770 "in order to determine just what those items would be. 545 00:19:27,838 --> 00:19:29,939 "This is truly what life was like... 546 00:19:30,006 --> 00:19:32,875 "a lot of people with a lot of opinions 547 00:19:32,943 --> 00:19:34,944 "arguing passionately for what they believed in. 548 00:19:35,011 --> 00:19:38,047 "So enjoy watching it. 549 00:19:38,114 --> 00:19:40,783 "A-assuming you still have electricity. 550 00:19:40,851 --> 00:19:43,853 "And sorry about the weird blank gap in the middle. 551 00:19:43,920 --> 00:19:45,354 "A man named Jerry Gergich 552 00:19:45,422 --> 00:19:47,890 "screwed up the recording somehow. 553 00:19:47,958 --> 00:19:50,092 "He had one job to do. 554 00:19:50,160 --> 00:19:53,596 Sincerely, Pawnee of the past." 555 00:19:53,948 --> 00:19:57,878 Sync by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com 556 00:19:59,477 --> 00:20:00,871 Is Eduardo coming? 557 00:20:01,230 --> 00:20:03,526 No, he went back to Venezuela. 558 00:20:03,780 --> 00:20:05,315 Oh, that sucks. 559 00:20:05,829 --> 00:20:07,237 He was a really good bassist. 560 00:20:07,357 --> 00:20:09,505 - I was actually started to like him. - I know. 561 00:20:10,318 --> 00:20:11,910 That's what made me start to hate him. 562 00:20:15,762 --> 00:20:19,382 The nice and band totally worked. 563 00:20:23,569 --> 00:20:25,935 Have you enjoyed your time with Andy? 564 00:20:26,400 --> 00:20:28,019 Yeah, he's great. 565 00:20:28,139 --> 00:20:30,315 And he told me how great you are... 566 00:20:30,607 --> 00:20:34,185 And he told me that I would be crazy to let you away. 567 00:20:35,016 --> 00:20:36,593 - He did, huh? - He did. 568 00:20:36,889 --> 00:20:40,459 And also, there's a pretzel stand over there that literally serves 569 00:20:40,579 --> 00:20:42,684 the best pretzel I've ever had. Would you like one? 570 00:20:42,804 --> 00:20:43,885 Absolutely. 571 00:20:45,561 --> 00:20:46,582 Hey guys. 572 00:20:48,244 --> 00:20:50,786 Listen, I've never seen this before, so... 573 00:20:50,906 --> 00:20:53,469 I'd really appreciated if no one like talked or texted or anything. 574 00:20:54,807 --> 00:20:55,610 Oh... 575 00:21:00,529 --> 00:21:01,810 Hey. 576 00:21:01,930 --> 00:21:05,162 - Hey, Leslie, thanks for setting this up. - Dude, what did I just say? 577 00:21:05,430 --> 00:21:08,219 - I was the guy who introduced you to... - How about you shut up? 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net