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♪ Whoo-hoo! ♪
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Hey, ladies and gentlemen,
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for the first time ever
in her new part-time job
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in the Public Health Department
at City Hall,
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it's Ann Meredith Perkins!
Yay!
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Oh, Leslie, this is so nice!
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I put a poisonous gas
in one of these balloons,
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so if any of them pops,
you may die.
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No, April, we would all die.
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Gases fill the volume
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of whatever container
they're in.
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School.
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We have activities every hour
on your first day.
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10:00 A.M., Ann's first day
waffle explosion.
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11:00 A.M.,
the start-paperwork jamboree.
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And then 12:00 noon sharp
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is the inaugural
d-Ann-ce party.
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Welcome to City Hall, cupcake!
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How many of you are in here?
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There are seven.
And you have an office mate.
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His name is Stuart,
and he's kind of a grouch.
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I have an office mate?
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Get these [Bleep] balloons
out of here.
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Hi. I'm Ann.
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Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
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- Hey.
- Hey.
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Just to let you know,
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I gave the senior center
project to Donna.
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Sounds good.
The meeting's at 2:00?
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Yes. Conference room "C".
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Okay.
I think at some point,
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you and I should probably
make out with each other.
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Yeah, good call.
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The best part
of any relationship
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is the beginning.
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No problems, no fights.
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Just white wine, cuddling,
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and crazy amounts of
History Channel documentaries.
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Hey, we should take
separate cars
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to the restaurant tonight.
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Chris is deadly serious
about this...
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I know.
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I just don't wanna talk
about it, okay?
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I'll see you tonight.
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Okay.
Oh, by the way,
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I have a meeting
with Marlene Griggs-Knope.
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Is that any relation?
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- No.
- Oh, okay.
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Just a coincidence.
We get it all the time.
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We laugh about it.
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But I've never met her.
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- She's Filipino.
- Mm.
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Okay, bye.
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Why don't you ju t tell Ben
she's your mother?
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Because Ben and I
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are in this amazing
little bubble right now,
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and there's no room in here
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for Chris' stupid rules
about us not dating
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or my ball-busting mother.
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Oh, Leslie, I'm sorry,
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but I don't think
you thought this through.
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You know what I should do?
I should get my mother
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a one-way ticket to London,
leaving today.
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And that way,
Ben never has to meet her
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and I could visit her
in London.
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Everybody wins.
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What if he sees
a picture of her on your desk?
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What if Marlene says,
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"Hey, have you met
my daughter Leslie?
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She works
in the Parks Department."
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Stuart, please, could you
give us like 45 minutes?
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- It's my office too.
- Stuart.
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Boy, that guy was rude.
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I feel that
some structural changes
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could really unlock
this department's potential.
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- Jerry.
- Hmm?
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I believe you are capable
of much more.
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- I'm not.
- Nonsense.
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- Look in the mirror.
- What?
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You are an intelligent,
charismatic,
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beautiful superhero.
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I'm making you
head of Public Relations,
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which means you'll be leading
the daily briefing sessions.
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Excellent idea.
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This is my favorite part
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about having
a new city manager.
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They always try
to shake things up,
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and their ideas are terrible,
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and it brings City Hall
to a grinding halt.
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I just grab a few donuts,
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sit back, and enjoy the show.
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April, you are too valuable
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to just be Ron's assistant.
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So from now on, you are
a multitasking executive aide,
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assisting the entire office.
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Is this a nightmare?
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April, wake up.
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Tom, I just wanna say
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that you are
a wonderful employee
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and a terrific human being.
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Meeting adjourned!
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Tom.
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I enjoy you.
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You know what else I enjoy?
Your entrepreneurial spirit.
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I did recently sell
my Chronicles of Riddick DVD
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on eBay for $10.
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Used the profits
to buy the Blu-Ray.
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That's terrific.
I have an amazing project
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for someone of your talents.
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You are going to digitize
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the entire city archives
up on the fourth floor.
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No! I hate
the fourth floor!
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Last time I was up there,
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I saw someone buy crystal meth
out of a vending machine.
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It's a bad place.
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You won't be alone.
Andy.
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Starting now,
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you are nobody's shoeshine boy.
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Starting now, you are
an administrative assistant.
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For three weeks.
Then back to shoes.
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Chris!
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I wasn't super paying attention
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to what you just said
that we'll be doing,
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but I will give 110%!
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Well, as soon
as you repeat yourself
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in a more interesting way.
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- Hey, Ben.
- Hey, what's up?
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Nothing much. Since I'm here,
I just wanted to let you know
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that Marlene Griggs-Knope
is my mom.
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What? Wh.. why?
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Also, she can be cruel
and difficult,
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and she make snap judgments
about people
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that she holds on to
for a very long time.
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And she's kind of a bully.
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Okay! Go in there
you're gonna be great.
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Oh God. Oh, my God.
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Oh, my God. I'm sorry.
Here... Sorry!
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Hello.
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I'm Mr. Ben Wyatt.
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Looks like you got some shirt
on your coffee.
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Yeah. You know
what happened?
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I spilled it,
but you know how it goes.
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Fun anecdote.
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The County School District
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needs four new school buses.
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I'm being stonewalled
by the board,
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and I'm hoping your office
can help us out.
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Okay.
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Really? That's it?
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Yeah.
Actually, no. It...
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it's probably not possible.
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Then I'm confused, Ben,
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because you
just told me it was.
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Five seconds ago.
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I got a second box of donuts,
if anybody...
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What the [Bleep] is this?
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This, Mr. Director,
is your new desk.
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Okay...
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This desk is the epitome
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of the Swedish concept
of Jamstalldhet,
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or "equality."
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Imagine someone
needs your attention.
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- Somebody say my name.
- Chris.
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Swivel!
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What is it, Jerry?
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You told me to say your name.
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And you did a great job,
superstar.
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Someone else say something.
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You look like a freak.
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Swivel!
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April, that is not
a very good attitude.
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I will keep my eye on you
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from my circular desk
where I can see everything.
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Tiny swivel.
See how it works?
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What about my office
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and its many walls?
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That becomes
a new public waiting room.
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You're gonna be
more accessible than ever.
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The fourth floor...
Small Claims Court,
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divorce filings,
state-ordered drug tests.
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It's somehow
both freezing and humid.
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There's a whole room
on the fourth floor
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where they store the knives
they've confiscated from people
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who went to the fourth floor
to stab someone.
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- You from parks and rec?
- Yeah.
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I'm here to show you around.
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Oh, nice to meet you, ma'am.
What's your name?
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Ethel Beavers.
Follow me.
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Okay, this is you.
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Whoa!
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Double computers?
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I get my own office phone.
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Hello, wall street.
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Buy more stocks. Now.
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This phone
kind of smells like a butt.
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Try not to move things around,
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'cause technically speaking,
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this is still a crime scene.
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Oh, here's your name tags.
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Here.
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Ethel, this shirt
is from theory.
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Name tags make holes.
I'm not wearing this.
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Well, do what you want.
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Bye, Ethel!
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Damn it.
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Remind me next time
to ask her where she was
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when Lincoln got shot.
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Remind... Tom...
Ask... something.
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You got it, boss.
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Hey! Somebody
made somebody a mix!
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And I definitely heard
your feedback from last time,
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so I only put five
Sarah Mclachlan songs
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- on this one.
- Cool.
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Should we talk about
how you claimed your mom
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was a Filipino woman
you'd never met?
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Should we?
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I was just trying
to delay the inevitable.
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If this turns
into something real,
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then we are gonna have
to deal with Chris' rule,
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and parents,
and annoying flossing habits,
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and a lot of un-fun stuff.
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00:07:49,706 --> 00:07:51,040
But not yet.
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I just want to enjoy the bubble
for a little while.
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I'm sorry.
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Everything's good?
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No, it's not.
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I was completely flustered.
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00:08:00,016 --> 00:08:01,450
I came off like an idiot.
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00:08:01,517 --> 00:08:03,118
I mean, at one point,
for no reason,
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00:08:03,186 --> 00:08:06,021
I just took off my shoes
and held them in my hand.
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00:08:06,089 --> 00:08:07,189
I'm gonna go ask her
how it went,
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00:08:07,256 --> 00:08:08,857
and I bet she loved you.
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I loved him!
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He's a total pushover.
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Very odd guy, though.
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He's like a goofy,
spineless jellyfish.
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Why do you ask, sweetheart?
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No reason.
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Don't worry about it.
It's totally fine.
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No, it's not fine.
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What if she starts going around
telling people
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I'm a pushover?
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No one's gonna believe that.
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When I first met you,
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00:08:34,762 --> 00:08:36,563
I thought
you were a fascist hardass.
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00:08:36,630 --> 00:08:38,565
- What?
- A cute fascist hardass,
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but still,
you give off a very...
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Education department
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now officially requesting
ten school buses.
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I thought
they only wanted four.
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Well, now that I'm a pushover,
why not ask for 10, or 20,
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or 100 new school buses
and a fleet of school yachts?
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00:08:53,646 --> 00:08:54,847
- How about that?
- Hmm.
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Here's what we're gonna do.
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00:08:55,915 --> 00:08:57,649
You are gonna tell me
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00:08:57,717 --> 00:08:59,317
everything there is to know
about your mom,
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00:08:59,386 --> 00:09:01,119
and I'm gonna have
another meeting with her,
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00:09:01,187 --> 00:09:02,488
and we're gonna have it out.
259
00:09:02,555 --> 00:09:04,655
Or... we could go
to Belize
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00:09:04,723 --> 00:09:05,790
and go scuba diving.
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00:09:05,858 --> 00:09:07,191
And we could look
at the whale sharks.
262
00:09:07,259 --> 00:09:10,395
You're certified, right?
Let's get you certified.
263
00:09:13,265 --> 00:09:14,699
April, do you have
that usage report
264
00:09:14,767 --> 00:09:15,966
that I asked for?
265
00:09:19,404 --> 00:09:22,506
- Anything for you, Jerry.
- Thank you.
266
00:09:22,573 --> 00:09:25,008
Oh, come on!
Why?
267
00:09:25,075 --> 00:09:26,843
Excuse me.
268
00:09:26,911 --> 00:09:28,678
There's a sign at Ramsett Park
269
00:09:28,746 --> 00:09:30,980
that says "Do not drink
the sprinkler water,"
270
00:09:31,048 --> 00:09:32,416
so I made sun tea with it,
271
00:09:32,483 --> 00:09:34,418
and now I have an infection.
272
00:09:34,485 --> 00:09:36,251
Sir?
273
00:09:36,319 --> 00:09:37,920
Sir, are... are... are...
274
00:09:37,987 --> 00:09:39,422
are you listening to me, sir?
275
00:09:39,489 --> 00:09:42,090
Sir, I'm talking to you!
276
00:09:42,158 --> 00:09:43,258
Sir!
277
00:09:43,326 --> 00:09:45,428
Sir, are you aware
278
00:09:45,495 --> 00:09:47,763
that there is waste
279
00:09:47,831 --> 00:09:49,799
in your water system?
280
00:09:49,866 --> 00:09:53,000
Okay, you need to be strong,
powerful, decisive.
281
00:09:53,068 --> 00:09:54,803
This is not a meeting.
It's a battle.
282
00:09:54,870 --> 00:09:56,771
Normal meeting rules
do not apply.
283
00:09:56,839 --> 00:09:58,105
I'll be my mom,
284
00:09:58,173 --> 00:09:59,774
and I'm gonna be
very harsh with you,
285
00:09:59,842 --> 00:10:01,643
and it's only because
I like you a lot.
286
00:10:01,710 --> 00:10:03,945
- Okay.
- Go!
287
00:10:05,815 --> 00:10:07,181
- Hello.
- Wrong.
288
00:10:07,249 --> 00:10:08,515
- What?
- No preambles.
289
00:10:08,583 --> 00:10:10,851
No introductions.
Just walk in and start talking.
290
00:10:10,919 --> 00:10:14,087
I'd like to discuss
the new school bus.
291
00:10:14,155 --> 00:10:16,957
I'd like to discuss
your rhyming, Dr. Seuss.
292
00:10:17,024 --> 00:10:18,459
And you should be
sitting by now.
293
00:10:18,526 --> 00:10:20,327
- Uh, what?
- Just walk in and take a seat.
294
00:10:20,394 --> 00:10:21,662
Um...
295
00:10:21,729 --> 00:10:23,396
"Um" is the sound
in "dumb."
296
00:10:23,464 --> 00:10:24,964
That's what she says to people.
297
00:10:25,031 --> 00:10:26,732
And now you've crossed your legs
like a woman.
298
00:10:26,800 --> 00:10:28,067
God! Okay,
should we just start over?
299
00:10:28,134 --> 00:10:30,035
No. No, we need to put
a pin in this.
300
00:10:30,103 --> 00:10:31,471
Here is a list
301
00:10:31,538 --> 00:10:33,973
of my mother's top 100
favorite conversation topics,
302
00:10:34,040 --> 00:10:35,174
starting with Persian rugs,
303
00:10:35,241 --> 00:10:36,308
ending with Daniel Craig.
304
00:10:36,376 --> 00:10:38,711
You have ten minutes
to memorize it.
305
00:10:38,779 --> 00:10:40,912
- Deliverance the movie?
- Mm-hmm.
306
00:10:40,980 --> 00:10:42,213
Oh, God.
307
00:10:42,281 --> 00:10:44,916
So Jerry is,
like, basically my boss now...
308
00:10:44,984 --> 00:10:46,718
which I'm never
gonna work for him...
309
00:10:46,786 --> 00:10:49,053
Ron's trapped
in this weird desk prison,
310
00:10:49,121 --> 00:10:51,890
and I now work
at this traveling IV station.
311
00:10:51,958 --> 00:10:54,225
This Mort Jansen's office?
312
00:10:54,293 --> 00:10:55,460
Nope.
313
00:11:04,268 --> 00:11:07,505
Tell Mort
I said "your move."
314
00:11:10,141 --> 00:11:12,208
Oh, my God. I wanna work
up here with you guys.
315
00:11:12,275 --> 00:11:13,376
This is awesome.
316
00:11:13,443 --> 00:11:15,712
How many more of those stupid
documents do you have to scan?
317
00:11:15,779 --> 00:11:17,213
Just this one,
318
00:11:17,280 --> 00:11:20,049
and all the ones
in those boxes.
319
00:11:20,117 --> 00:11:21,985
I gotta get out of here pronto.
320
00:11:22,052 --> 00:11:24,153
Time to get those old ladies
to do my work for me.
321
00:11:24,221 --> 00:11:25,254
How?
322
00:11:25,322 --> 00:11:26,623
By shining down on 'em
323
00:11:26,690 --> 00:11:28,156
with the Haverford charm ray.
324
00:11:28,224 --> 00:11:29,758
Wah-wah wah-wah wah-wah...
325
00:11:30,826 --> 00:11:31,860
Well, well, well,
326
00:11:31,928 --> 00:11:33,862
if it isn't Ethel Beavers.
327
00:11:33,930 --> 00:11:35,697
What's up, beautiful?
328
00:11:35,765 --> 00:11:38,199
Julianne Moore just called.
She wants her hair back.
329
00:11:39,435 --> 00:11:42,370
Nobody named Julien called.
330
00:11:42,438 --> 00:11:43,838
Never mind.
I just need to ask you
331
00:11:43,906 --> 00:11:45,239
a couple of questions.
332
00:11:45,306 --> 00:11:48,776
One, can you help me out
with this project we're doing?
333
00:11:48,844 --> 00:11:51,779
And, two,
will you please invite me
334
00:11:51,847 --> 00:11:53,915
to your 30th birthday party?
335
00:11:56,451 --> 00:11:58,118
What are you doing?
336
00:11:58,186 --> 00:11:59,619
I'm making a test call
to your phone
337
00:11:59,687 --> 00:12:00,854
to make sure it's working
338
00:12:00,922 --> 00:12:03,189
so you don't miss
any more calls.
339
00:12:03,257 --> 00:12:04,357
You know what?
Don't bother.
340
00:12:04,425 --> 00:12:05,692
Maybe I'll just find
an open window
341
00:12:05,760 --> 00:12:08,695
- and plummet to my death.
- Okay.
342
00:12:10,364 --> 00:12:13,199
This...
isn't gonna work.
343
00:12:13,267 --> 00:12:15,835
Okay, you did not
just swivel away
344
00:12:15,836 --> 00:12:16,602
while I was talking to you.
345
00:12:16,670 --> 00:12:20,439
This spaceship keyboard
is driving me crazy.
346
00:12:20,506 --> 00:12:22,274
I'm down to one word a minute,
347
00:12:22,341 --> 00:12:23,809
and the word is
"perflipitusclub,"
348
00:12:23,877 --> 00:12:26,378
because I can't fly spaceships.
349
00:12:26,446 --> 00:12:28,681
Donna, you know as well as I do
350
00:12:28,748 --> 00:12:30,883
these city manager shakeups
always Peter out.
351
00:12:30,951 --> 00:12:33,585
- You just have to wait.
- Usually I'm with you.
352
00:12:33,652 --> 00:12:36,320
But this is Chris Traeger,
the Six Million dollar Man.
353
00:12:36,388 --> 00:12:37,655
He won't quit.
354
00:12:37,723 --> 00:12:39,824
So you need to swivel your ass
down to his office
355
00:12:39,892 --> 00:12:41,459
and have a word with him.
356
00:12:41,526 --> 00:12:42,794
Mommy.
357
00:12:42,861 --> 00:12:44,462
Oh!
358
00:12:44,529 --> 00:12:48,298
Oh, that is
so thoughtful of you.
359
00:12:48,365 --> 00:12:49,800
Of course!
360
00:12:49,867 --> 00:12:51,167
I just figured, hey,
361
00:12:51,235 --> 00:12:53,303
why not put my mother
in a good mood?
362
00:12:54,538 --> 00:12:55,739
So it's my understanding
363
00:12:55,807 --> 00:12:58,108
that despite what I said
in our meeting,
364
00:12:58,175 --> 00:13:00,443
you have somehow increased
your request
365
00:13:00,511 --> 00:13:01,578
for more school buses.
366
00:13:01,646 --> 00:13:02,913
Excuse me,
367
00:13:02,981 --> 00:13:05,180
but I'm having coffee
with my daughter.
368
00:13:05,248 --> 00:13:06,515
Maybe we could do this
another time.
369
00:13:06,583 --> 00:13:08,550
No, we're gonna talk
about this now.
370
00:13:09,886 --> 00:13:11,186
Or if you'd prefer,
371
00:13:11,254 --> 00:13:12,755
I could put a permanent freeze
on the education budget.
372
00:13:12,823 --> 00:13:14,423
It's your call.
373
00:13:14,491 --> 00:13:15,925
Wow, maybe you
should talk to him, mom.
374
00:13:15,993 --> 00:13:18,794
He seems
pretty self-assured.
375
00:13:19,895 --> 00:13:21,462
There's nothing left.
376
00:13:21,530 --> 00:13:22,797
It's over.
377
00:13:22,865 --> 00:13:24,465
Hey, hey, hey, don't say that.
378
00:13:24,533 --> 00:13:26,134
Now, come on.
379
00:13:26,201 --> 00:13:27,636
Get yourself together
380
00:13:27,703 --> 00:13:29,037
and go out there
and be the woman
381
00:13:29,105 --> 00:13:32,173
you always knew you could be.
382
00:13:32,241 --> 00:13:35,943
Thank you so much.
383
00:13:36,011 --> 00:13:37,444
Who was that?
384
00:13:37,512 --> 00:13:38,612
I don't know.
385
00:13:38,680 --> 00:13:41,148
I saw her crying,
and so I helped.
386
00:13:41,215 --> 00:13:43,450
What did you
wanna talk to me about?
387
00:13:43,518 --> 00:13:45,485
Look, Chris, I'm very flattered
388
00:13:45,553 --> 00:13:47,721
you thought of me
for this amazing opportunity,
389
00:13:47,789 --> 00:13:50,457
but I don't really know
if this gig is in my wheelhouse.
390
00:13:50,525 --> 00:13:52,992
I tend to work best
with young, attractive people.
391
00:13:53,060 --> 00:13:55,662
Tom, I have made you
a project leader.
392
00:13:55,729 --> 00:13:56,896
This is a big deal!
393
00:13:56,964 --> 00:13:58,998
You should keep an open mind.
394
00:13:59,066 --> 00:14:01,500
Let your brain unlock the door
to your heart's future.
395
00:14:01,568 --> 00:14:03,670
I made that expression up
when I was 14.
396
00:14:03,737 --> 00:14:05,672
Still in use today.
By me.
397
00:14:05,739 --> 00:14:07,906
Gotta jam.
398
00:14:07,974 --> 00:14:09,841
You know what?
It's just not possible.
399
00:14:09,909 --> 00:14:11,509
And don't even bother trying
to outflank me either,
400
00:14:11,577 --> 00:14:12,944
because you will fail.
401
00:14:13,012 --> 00:14:15,213
Where did all this confidence
come from all of a sudden?
402
00:14:15,281 --> 00:14:17,182
Hey, guys, come on.
Let's relax.
403
00:14:17,249 --> 00:14:19,051
- You know, Ms. Griggs-Knope...
- Marlene.
404
00:14:19,118 --> 00:14:20,318
There's probably
a compromise here.
405
00:14:20,386 --> 00:14:22,754
"Compromise is usually
a sign of weakness."
406
00:14:22,822 --> 00:14:24,488
Yes, it is,
according to Andrew Carnegie.
407
00:14:24,556 --> 00:14:26,891
But your demands remind me
of a different quote,
408
00:14:26,958 --> 00:14:28,325
from the great Bill Watterson...
409
00:14:28,393 --> 00:14:31,896
"you need a lobotomy.
I'll get a saw."
410
00:14:31,963 --> 00:14:34,565
I love Calvin and Hobbes.
411
00:14:34,632 --> 00:14:37,201
Me too!
412
00:14:37,268 --> 00:14:40,036
I gotta say,
this is some of my best work.
413
00:14:40,104 --> 00:14:41,470
This could not
have gone better.
414
00:14:42,539 --> 00:14:43,807
They are really hitting it off.
415
00:14:43,874 --> 00:14:46,910
Thank God.
Crisis averted.
416
00:14:48,374 --> 00:14:50,990
Well, I am very glad
you came back up here.
417
00:14:51,874 --> 00:14:52,990
Oh...
418
00:14:53,071 --> 00:14:54,071
Yeah, me too.
419
00:14:54,089 --> 00:14:55,690
- Yeah, uh...
- So you have a deal.
420
00:14:55,757 --> 00:14:57,358
Well, let me
mull everything over,
421
00:14:57,426 --> 00:15:01,262
and then we can reconnect
and hash things out.
422
00:15:01,330 --> 00:15:03,264
It might get rough,
but that can be fun.
423
00:15:03,332 --> 00:15:05,933
- Ben can handle it.
- Yup, I can.
424
00:15:06,001 --> 00:15:07,201
Okay, great.
425
00:15:07,235 --> 00:15:10,337
- It was a pleasure.
- Oh, mm-hmm.
426
00:15:12,006 --> 00:15:13,440
What's so great
is she was impressed by you too.
427
00:15:13,508 --> 00:15:15,275
I mean, you could tell instantly
that the way you guys
428
00:15:15,343 --> 00:15:16,443
were connecting
was really amazing.
429
00:15:16,511 --> 00:15:17,944
Now, what I'm thinking
is that maybe
430
00:15:18,012 --> 00:15:19,079
we should go over
to her house...
431
00:15:19,146 --> 00:15:21,381
you two are
just the cutest things
432
00:15:21,449 --> 00:15:22,448
on four legs!
433
00:15:22,516 --> 00:15:24,584
- Aw.
- But why so much black?
434
00:15:24,651 --> 00:15:26,385
It's like you're going
to a funeral.
435
00:15:26,453 --> 00:15:29,355
- She's got a point, babe.
- So marry her then.
436
00:15:29,423 --> 00:15:31,090
I wish!
437
00:15:31,157 --> 00:15:33,292
Hey, sorry to interrupt
the love fest,
438
00:15:33,360 --> 00:15:35,094
but can you hand me that
folder there, please, Ethel?
439
00:15:35,161 --> 00:15:37,530
Oh, great.
440
00:15:37,598 --> 00:15:39,364
Why you gotta be
like that, Ethel?
441
00:15:39,432 --> 00:15:41,533
Looks like someone got up
on the wrong side of the crib.
442
00:15:43,168 --> 00:15:44,402
Stop laughing, Muriel.
443
00:15:45,638 --> 00:15:47,071
Stop it!
444
00:15:47,139 --> 00:15:49,107
I gotta say, I'm a genius.
445
00:15:49,174 --> 00:15:50,942
The only thing my mom loves
more than music boxes
446
00:15:51,009 --> 00:15:52,544
is McSteamy
from Grey's Anatomy.
447
00:15:52,612 --> 00:15:54,045
So I made her...
448
00:15:54,113 --> 00:15:56,079
A McSteamy-style music box,
449
00:15:56,147 --> 00:15:57,348
and I thought maybe
you could give it to her.
450
00:15:57,415 --> 00:15:58,582
She would love you for it.
451
00:15:58,650 --> 00:16:01,051
I think maybe
that's not such a good idea.
452
00:16:01,119 --> 00:16:02,419
Why?
453
00:16:02,487 --> 00:16:04,288
I mean, it's not
the best picture of him, but...
454
00:16:04,356 --> 00:16:08,058
Your mom kind of...
455
00:16:08,126 --> 00:16:09,960
Um...
456
00:16:10,027 --> 00:16:12,161
Made a pass at me.
457
00:16:14,431 --> 00:16:16,666
So Webster's dictionary
458
00:16:16,734 --> 00:16:18,868
describes a pork as a...
459
00:16:18,935 --> 00:16:21,337
no, it's park... park.
460
00:16:21,405 --> 00:16:24,106
I'm sorry.
Geez, okay. So...
461
00:16:24,174 --> 00:16:26,175
You know what,
can we start over?
462
00:16:26,243 --> 00:16:28,510
Let's... let's go from
the first thing I said... pork...
463
00:16:28,578 --> 00:16:30,111
which, by the way,
464
00:16:30,179 --> 00:16:32,781
they have a great pork sandwich
in the cafeteria today.
465
00:16:32,848 --> 00:16:34,949
- Ron Swanson.
- Chris.
466
00:16:35,017 --> 00:16:37,452
You have come up with a plan
467
00:16:37,520 --> 00:16:39,521
so spectacularly horrible
468
00:16:39,589 --> 00:16:41,657
that it might ruin
the entire department.
469
00:16:41,724 --> 00:16:42,990
- Now, wait a minute.
- No, I mean that
470
00:16:43,057 --> 00:16:44,057
as a compliment.
471
00:16:44,125 --> 00:16:46,427
SO it pains me to say this...
472
00:16:46,495 --> 00:16:48,829
My department has to go back
to the way it was.
473
00:16:48,897 --> 00:16:50,498
Give 'em time.
They'll adjust.
474
00:16:50,565 --> 00:16:52,966
No, they won't.
They're miserable.
475
00:16:53,034 --> 00:16:56,370
Tom only performs
when there's someone to impress,
476
00:16:56,438 --> 00:16:58,138
so marooning him
on freak island
477
00:16:58,206 --> 00:16:59,539
isn't helping anyone.
478
00:16:59,607 --> 00:17:02,309
And you made April
assistant to everyone?
479
00:17:02,376 --> 00:17:04,477
You know who April hates?
480
00:17:04,545 --> 00:17:06,446
Everyone.
481
00:17:06,514 --> 00:17:09,048
And Jerry can only function
if no one's looking.
482
00:17:09,116 --> 00:17:10,317
You shine a light on him,
483
00:17:10,384 --> 00:17:13,085
and he shrinks up faster
than an eskimo's scrotum.
484
00:17:13,153 --> 00:17:14,787
Well, that's
very perceptive, Ron.
485
00:17:14,854 --> 00:17:16,657
And... very graphic.
486
00:17:17,025 --> 00:17:18,393
I understand your point,
487
00:17:18,425 --> 00:17:20,693
but there's no way that
I get just rolled-over on this.
488
00:17:23,095 --> 00:17:24,763
Okay.
489
00:17:24,831 --> 00:17:26,732
You won't ever hear me
say this again,
490
00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:29,067
so savor this moment.
491
00:17:30,636 --> 00:17:33,037
I may have a compromise.
492
00:17:33,104 --> 00:17:35,272
Look, she was just
flirting a little.
493
00:17:35,341 --> 00:17:37,742
I'm sure she's not
really interested in me.
494
00:17:37,810 --> 00:17:39,744
Oh, my God. I can't even
have this conversation.
495
00:17:39,812 --> 00:17:41,779
The whole thing
is screwed up now.
496
00:17:41,847 --> 00:17:43,815
There's so many ways
to destroy a bubble,
497
00:17:43,882 --> 00:17:46,916
but my mom flirting with you
is number one on the list.
498
00:17:46,984 --> 00:17:49,118
And I'm sorry,
I have to say this...
499
00:17:49,186 --> 00:17:51,087
Were you asking for it
in any way?
500
00:17:51,155 --> 00:17:52,456
No!
501
00:17:52,523 --> 00:17:53,923
- How were you dressed?
- Oh, my God.
502
00:17:53,991 --> 00:17:55,859
- I was wearing this.
- Here's what we do.
503
00:17:55,926 --> 00:17:57,461
You issue
a government-wide memo
504
00:17:57,528 --> 00:17:59,563
about sexual harassment,
and then you go to Mexico.
505
00:17:59,630 --> 00:18:02,398
Just for a couple of weeks.
506
00:18:02,466 --> 00:18:04,066
Where are you going?
Ben!
507
00:18:04,133 --> 00:18:06,301
Ben! Wait.
Just k...
508
00:18:06,370 --> 00:18:08,203
Hey.
Hi, mom.
509
00:18:08,271 --> 00:18:10,639
- Hi again.
- Leslie and I are dating.
510
00:18:11,207 --> 00:18:12,375
We haven't told anyone
511
00:18:12,442 --> 00:18:14,810
because there's a rule
against office relationships,
512
00:18:14,878 --> 00:18:16,445
but it's happening.
513
00:18:16,513 --> 00:18:18,780
I'm sorry we didn't tell you
before you touched my knee,
514
00:18:18,848 --> 00:18:20,448
and I trust
you won't tell anyone now,
515
00:18:20,516 --> 00:18:22,584
since it could get
your daughter fired.
516
00:18:29,792 --> 00:18:31,993
That is hilarious.
517
00:18:32,060 --> 00:18:34,628
That's what we thought too.
518
00:18:34,696 --> 00:18:37,130
Well...
519
00:18:37,198 --> 00:18:39,800
Four buses.
520
00:18:39,868 --> 00:18:42,603
- Two.
- Deal.
521
00:18:47,208 --> 00:18:48,308
I like this one.
522
00:18:48,876 --> 00:18:50,510
Me too.
523
00:18:50,577 --> 00:18:52,678
You keep your hands off him.
524
00:18:52,746 --> 00:18:56,348
Margaret's pecan squares.
525
00:18:56,417 --> 00:18:58,785
They are like crack.
I brought you one.
526
00:18:58,852 --> 00:19:00,286
How are you so happy
working here?
527
00:19:00,353 --> 00:19:01,654
I don't know, man.
It's not that bad.
528
00:19:01,722 --> 00:19:03,122
A year ago I lived in a pit.
529
00:19:03,189 --> 00:19:05,858
Now I got a job,
and a kickass wife,
530
00:19:05,926 --> 00:19:08,560
and my band is so good,
531
00:19:08,628 --> 00:19:11,262
and are you gonna eat
that pecan square?
532
00:19:14,834 --> 00:19:19,003
When life gives you lemons,
make lemonade.
533
00:19:19,071 --> 00:19:21,840
I read that once
on a can of lemonade.
534
00:19:21,908 --> 00:19:25,275
I like to think
that it applies to life.
535
00:19:27,278 --> 00:19:28,712
Here you go.
536
00:19:28,780 --> 00:19:30,948
Thank you.
537
00:19:35,720 --> 00:19:37,955
Kind of figured you'd
be back in your office by now.
538
00:19:38,022 --> 00:19:40,557
Well, you know
how new city managers are.
539
00:19:40,624 --> 00:19:43,192
Seems like everyone else
is back to normal.
540
00:19:44,628 --> 00:19:45,962
How long
do you have to do this?
541
00:19:46,029 --> 00:19:48,230
A week.
542
00:19:48,298 --> 00:19:50,900
Citizen request.
Swivel, swivel, swivel.
543
00:19:50,968 --> 00:19:53,736
Hello. I can help you
in here, sir.
544
00:19:53,804 --> 00:19:57,404
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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