1
00:00:01,138 --> 00:00:02,583
Excuse me.
2
00:00:03,120 --> 00:00:04,754
- Are you Leslie Knope?
- Yes.
3
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We are part of a group
4
00:00:06,289 --> 00:00:08,324
that tries to identify
potential candidates
5
00:00:08,358 --> 00:00:10,192
for political office
here in town.
6
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Are you theoretically interested
in running for office?
7
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Abso-toot-ly I am.
8
00:00:14,197 --> 00:00:16,098
Very sorry that I just used
that word.
9
00:00:16,133 --> 00:00:18,534
Before we go any further,
I need you to tell me
10
00:00:18,568 --> 00:00:19,935
is there a scandal out there?
11
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Is there anything at all you
need to tell us about your life?
12
00:00:24,541 --> 00:00:26,609
Nope.
13
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Who were the suits?
14
00:00:31,798 --> 00:00:34,583
They want me to run for office.
15
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Oh, my God!
Leslie, yea!
16
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I know, right?
Yea.
17
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- Yea!
- Yea!
18
00:00:39,756 --> 00:00:40,956
- Yea!
- Yea!
19
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Wait, what does that mean
about you and Ben?
20
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I don't know.
21
00:00:43,460 --> 00:00:44,727
I think
it's gonna be really bad.
22
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Uh-oh. You just wanna go back
to saying "yea"?
23
00:00:46,496 --> 00:00:47,630
Yes, please.
24
00:00:47,664 --> 00:00:51,233
- Okay, yea.
- Yea. Yea.
25
00:00:51,268 --> 00:00:52,852
- Knope, follow me.
- Just one second.
26
00:00:52,903 --> 00:00:54,437
- Now!
- Ron, hey!
27
00:00:54,471 --> 00:00:56,572
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Ron! Ron, Ron, Ron, Ron, Ron!
28
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What's going on?
29
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My ex-wife Tammy is back.
30
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Yeah, I saw her
in the courtyard.
31
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No, my other ex-wife Tammy.
Tammy one.
32
00:01:03,497 --> 00:01:05,781
I have accrued 228
personal days.
33
00:01:05,815 --> 00:01:07,533
Starting right now,
I'm using all of them.
34
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While I'm gone,
you're in charge.
35
00:01:13,173 --> 00:01:16,542
Ah!
36
00:01:16,593 --> 00:01:20,212
Also, I keep a sizable supply
of ground chuck in my desk.
37
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Remove it or it will begin
to smell.
38
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Godspeed.
39
00:01:26,937 --> 00:01:28,003
- Hi, Ron.
- Move!
40
00:01:28,021 --> 00:01:30,473
Whoa!
41
00:01:30,507 --> 00:01:32,041
Ah, geez.
42
00:01:35,078 --> 00:01:43,285
Sync & corrected by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
43
00:01:53,016 --> 00:01:55,487
Warning! High levels
of swagger coming through.
44
00:01:55,607 --> 00:01:57,666
Tommy Haverford back
in the Parks Department.
45
00:01:57,701 --> 00:02:00,317
Entertainment720 hockey jersey,
anybody?
46
00:02:01,404 --> 00:02:02,888
Branded mouse pad?
47
00:02:02,923 --> 00:02:05,874
Entertainment720 is just
a little multi-national
48
00:02:05,892 --> 00:02:08,093
entertainment company
that I started with my boy
49
00:02:08,145 --> 00:02:09,411
Jean-Ralphio.
50
00:02:09,446 --> 00:02:11,113
What exactly do we do?
51
00:02:11,148 --> 00:02:13,782
Let's just say it's too hard
to explain.
52
00:02:13,817 --> 00:02:16,085
Donna, you look amazing.
How are the kids?
53
00:02:16,119 --> 00:02:17,653
- I don't have kids.
- Wow.
54
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- How long has it been?
- Three weeks.
55
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So did you get a chance to look
56
00:02:22,275 --> 00:02:23,576
at my sample position papers?
57
00:02:23,610 --> 00:02:26,245
How do you feel about my stance
on Egyptian debt relief?
58
00:02:26,279 --> 00:02:28,113
Uh, well, it probably won't
come up
59
00:02:28,165 --> 00:02:30,749
in a local City Council
election.
60
00:02:30,784 --> 00:02:33,502
But your thoroughness,
as always, is impressive.
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00:02:33,537 --> 00:02:34,787
Thank you.
62
00:02:34,838 --> 00:02:37,673
Now, we have three months.
63
00:02:37,707 --> 00:02:39,908
I think we should start
talking strategy.
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00:02:39,926 --> 00:02:42,094
My strategy is to win.
65
00:02:42,128 --> 00:02:45,297
I've been dreaming about running
for public office my whole life.
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00:02:45,348 --> 00:02:47,716
While other girls were playing
with Barbies,
67
00:02:47,750 --> 00:02:51,053
I was playing with a
Geraldine Ferraro action figure
68
00:02:51,087 --> 00:02:53,455
that I made myself from
a picture of her that I glued
69
00:02:53,490 --> 00:02:55,191
onto a popsicle stick.
70
00:02:55,225 --> 00:02:56,492
See you next week?
71
00:02:56,526 --> 00:02:57,526
Okay, I'm looking forward
to it.
72
00:02:57,561 --> 00:02:58,644
Hey! What--
73
00:02:58,695 --> 00:03:01,814
- Who was that?
- Uh...
74
00:03:01,865 --> 00:03:03,899
Lady--just ladies.
75
00:03:03,933 --> 00:03:06,202
Meeting for the ladies'
yacht club.
76
00:03:06,236 --> 00:03:07,736
- Anchors away, ladies.
- What?
77
00:03:07,770 --> 00:03:09,271
Just don't--
78
00:03:09,289 --> 00:03:10,839
Ladies' yacht club?
79
00:03:10,874 --> 00:03:12,825
I cannot believe you haven't
told him yet.
80
00:03:12,876 --> 00:03:14,777
After I tell him,
I'm running for office,
81
00:03:14,811 --> 00:03:16,161
we're gonna have to break up.
82
00:03:16,213 --> 00:03:18,464
Why can't you just keep
sneaking around?
83
00:03:18,498 --> 00:03:22,618
Ann, you beautiful, naive,
sophisticated, newborn baby.
84
00:03:22,636 --> 00:03:24,119
What?
85
00:03:24,154 --> 00:03:26,789
Before, if people found out,
we would maybe lose our jobs.
86
00:03:26,823 --> 00:03:29,892
Now, if people find out,
it's gonna be a major scandal.
87
00:03:29,926 --> 00:03:32,461
My campaign will be over
before it begins.
88
00:03:32,479 --> 00:03:34,263
- What are you gonna do?
- I have a plan.
89
00:03:34,297 --> 00:03:35,764
And it's really good.
90
00:03:35,799 --> 00:03:38,000
I'm gonna postpone telling him
91
00:03:38,034 --> 00:03:40,969
until you figure out
what I'm supposed to do.
92
00:03:40,987 --> 00:03:42,304
So get crackin'.
93
00:03:42,322 --> 00:03:43,656
How is this on me?
94
00:03:43,690 --> 00:03:46,825
Fine! I'll do it.
God, who keeps emailing me?
95
00:03:46,860 --> 00:03:49,495
- A penis.
- What?
96
00:03:49,529 --> 00:03:51,614
Oh, my God.
97
00:03:51,648 --> 00:03:53,382
Oh--
98
00:03:53,416 --> 00:03:54,717
It's emailing me too.
99
00:03:54,751 --> 00:03:57,386
Whoever this is sent it
to every woman
100
00:03:57,420 --> 00:04:00,005
in the entire government.
101
00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:02,324
Oh, my God.
102
00:04:02,359 --> 00:04:06,262
He's gonna be so embarrassed.
I mean, that's a crazy accident.
103
00:04:06,296 --> 00:04:10,032
No, Andy, he did it on purpose.
104
00:04:10,066 --> 00:04:12,201
You know what? Respect.
That's a baller move.
105
00:04:12,235 --> 00:04:13,369
Pun intended.
106
00:04:13,403 --> 00:04:14,720
Excuse me.
107
00:04:14,771 --> 00:04:15,938
Chris, Jerry's making us look
at dirty pictures
108
00:04:15,972 --> 00:04:17,056
on his computer.
109
00:04:17,107 --> 00:04:18,891
It is exactly because of
that lewd photo
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00:04:18,942 --> 00:04:20,209
that I am here.
111
00:04:20,243 --> 00:04:21,894
Ben and I are launching a full
investigation.
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00:04:21,945 --> 00:04:24,846
And I want to apologize
to all the women...
113
00:04:24,864 --> 00:04:26,248
And Jerry.
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00:04:26,283 --> 00:04:29,351
If I could go back in time,
and cut your eyeballs out,
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00:04:29,386 --> 00:04:30,352
I would.
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00:04:30,387 --> 00:04:32,955
- Wow, that is so sweet.
- Thank you.
117
00:04:32,989 --> 00:04:35,791
We are getting a lot of media
requests about this.
118
00:04:35,825 --> 00:04:37,760
So Leslie, can you do
Perd Hapley?
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00:04:37,794 --> 00:04:40,245
Ho! She can do Perd Hapley.
120
00:04:40,297 --> 00:04:42,164
Hi-oh!
121
00:04:42,198 --> 00:04:44,133
Seriously,
can you do his TV show?
122
00:04:44,167 --> 00:04:46,552
Oh, yeah.
123
00:04:46,586 --> 00:04:48,754
Andrew my man-drew,
what are you up to?
124
00:04:48,805 --> 00:04:51,373
I'm about to do an experiment
where I huck this at the wall
125
00:04:51,408 --> 00:04:53,559
and see what happens.
126
00:04:53,593 --> 00:04:55,210
But that can wait.
Shoe shine?
127
00:04:55,228 --> 00:04:56,562
Andy, I'm gonna be honest.
128
00:04:56,596 --> 00:04:58,547
I came here today
to talk to you.
129
00:04:58,565 --> 00:05:01,717
Now look, you're enthusiastic.
You're hard-working.
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00:05:01,751 --> 00:05:03,152
You can lift heavy things.
131
00:05:03,186 --> 00:05:04,253
I think there might be a place
for you
132
00:05:04,287 --> 00:05:06,238
over at Entertainment720.
133
00:05:06,272 --> 00:05:08,157
Oh, my God.
134
00:05:08,191 --> 00:05:09,191
What is that?
135
00:05:09,225 --> 00:05:10,576
It's my company!
136
00:05:10,610 --> 00:05:12,060
I don't know, Tom.
137
00:05:12,078 --> 00:05:14,430
I mean, I'm just now getting
really good at shoe shining.
138
00:05:14,464 --> 00:05:16,432
And I mean, I'm still
pretty bad at it.
139
00:05:16,466 --> 00:05:21,136
Let me ask you this.
Are you living your dreams?
140
00:05:21,171 --> 00:05:23,739
- I don't know, Tom.
- Well, I'm living mine.
141
00:05:23,773 --> 00:05:28,293
And if you wanna live yours,
here's my card.
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00:05:28,345 --> 00:05:31,747
- It's impossible to read.
- Black print, black background.
143
00:05:31,765 --> 00:05:33,298
It's the coolest possible
color scheme.
144
00:05:33,350 --> 00:05:35,267
- Yeah.
- It's also a strong magnet.
145
00:05:35,301 --> 00:05:37,686
So don't put it in your wallet.
It will erase your credit cards,
146
00:05:37,721 --> 00:05:39,772
guaranteed.
147
00:05:39,806 --> 00:05:43,525
Destroy my credit cards.
Debt and everything?
148
00:05:43,560 --> 00:05:47,229
Mr. Mayor, I promise you
that we will find the owner
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00:05:47,263 --> 00:05:48,497
of that weiner
150
00:05:48,531 --> 00:05:51,033
and we will punish him.
Good-bye.
151
00:05:51,067 --> 00:05:52,434
- Ann Perkins!
- Hey.
152
00:05:52,469 --> 00:05:54,370
I didn't know who to come to
with this,
153
00:05:54,404 --> 00:05:57,990
but that picture, uh--there's
something very disturbing
154
00:05:58,041 --> 00:05:59,608
about the testicles.
155
00:05:59,626 --> 00:06:01,510
I've always felt
the same way myself.
156
00:06:01,544 --> 00:06:04,213
The testicles are like
the ears of the genital system.
157
00:06:04,247 --> 00:06:05,781
They serve a very
important function,
158
00:06:05,799 --> 00:06:07,716
but they're not that great
to look at.
159
00:06:07,751 --> 00:06:11,987
Okay, wow.
No, I was speaking medically.
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00:06:12,021 --> 00:06:13,322
They're enlarged.
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00:06:13,356 --> 00:06:15,841
I think that maybe that guy
is sick with something--
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00:06:15,892 --> 00:06:18,460
perhaps, a hernia, or mumps.
163
00:06:18,495 --> 00:06:21,397
Ann Perkins!
You really know your testes.
164
00:06:21,431 --> 00:06:24,066
Thank you?
165
00:06:24,100 --> 00:06:26,318
For a female perspective
on this scandal,
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00:06:26,352 --> 00:06:28,970
we turn to a woman,
Leslie Knope.
167
00:06:28,988 --> 00:06:30,522
I'm about to ask you a question
right now
168
00:06:30,573 --> 00:06:31,907
and that question is this.
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00:06:31,941 --> 00:06:34,526
The lewd photo--
just how big a deal is it?
170
00:06:34,577 --> 00:06:37,079
Well, frankly, Perd,
it's not that big a deal.
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00:06:37,113 --> 00:06:38,614
If you know what I mean.
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00:06:38,648 --> 00:06:41,166
I don't know what you mean.
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00:06:41,201 --> 00:06:43,585
But it had the cadence
of a joke.
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00:06:43,620 --> 00:06:46,021
When men in government
behave this way,
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00:06:46,055 --> 00:06:48,424
they betray the public's trust.
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00:06:48,458 --> 00:06:50,843
Maybe it's time for more women
to be in charge.
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00:06:50,877 --> 00:06:53,495
There you have it,
where "it" is the thing
178
00:06:53,530 --> 00:06:56,165
Leslie Knope just said
about this situation.
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00:06:56,199 --> 00:06:57,399
Perd Hap--
180
00:06:57,434 --> 00:06:58,567
How was that?
Was that okay?
181
00:06:58,601 --> 00:07:01,136
Amazing.
That sound bite is gold.
182
00:07:01,171 --> 00:07:03,021
You're gonna get great
feedback on this,
183
00:07:03,056 --> 00:07:05,224
and we think we can capitalize.
184
00:07:05,275 --> 00:07:07,676
You're gonna announce
your candidacy on Friday.
185
00:07:07,710 --> 00:07:11,246
Friday.
In three months.
186
00:07:11,281 --> 00:07:14,049
No, this Friday.
Is that okay?
187
00:07:14,083 --> 00:07:15,984
No, yeah.
Yes, it is great.
188
00:07:16,018 --> 00:07:18,904
Okay, we'll do that then
now soon.
189
00:07:18,955 --> 00:07:21,240
And, um, I just have something
I've been postponing for a while
190
00:07:21,291 --> 00:07:23,192
that I need to do,
but I'll do it now.
191
00:07:23,226 --> 00:07:25,160
- Great.
- Great.
192
00:07:25,195 --> 00:07:26,695
Yea.
193
00:07:28,233 --> 00:07:29,097
I know it.
194
00:07:29,725 --> 00:07:31,254
- Ben?
- Uh, okay.
195
00:07:31,374 --> 00:07:33,111
Ben? I need to talk to you.
196
00:07:34,481 --> 00:07:36,663
That was my brother.
He just had a baby girl.
197
00:07:36,783 --> 00:07:39,417
Oh, my God, that's horrible.
Or good--full disclosure.
198
00:07:39,537 --> 00:07:40,837
I didn't listen to what
you just said.
199
00:07:40,871 --> 00:07:42,122
I need to talk to you
about something--
200
00:07:42,173 --> 00:07:43,506
Okay, well, before you
say anything,
201
00:07:43,541 --> 00:07:46,550
let me just show you
what I got at Doug's Donuts.
202
00:07:46,670 --> 00:07:49,457
It's an L-shaped eclair!
203
00:07:49,726 --> 00:07:52,716
The "L" is for Leslie...
For your name.
204
00:07:57,521 --> 00:07:59,422
Hey.
205
00:07:59,440 --> 00:08:01,641
- How are you?
- Bad, really bad.
206
00:08:01,692 --> 00:08:03,960
Oh, God.
How did the breakup go?
207
00:08:03,995 --> 00:08:07,163
Well, I started crying
because he gave me an eclair.
208
00:08:07,198 --> 00:08:09,032
And then we made out
and spent the night together.
209
00:08:09,066 --> 00:08:11,901
But this morning in the cold
light of day,
210
00:08:11,936 --> 00:08:14,270
I cooked breakfast
and we made out some more.
211
00:08:14,305 --> 00:08:16,373
Wow, you opposite-of-broke-up
with him.
212
00:08:16,407 --> 00:08:20,510
He gave me an eclair, Ann!
213
00:08:20,544 --> 00:08:23,613
Joe, I've determined that
the lewd picture was sent by you
214
00:08:23,647 --> 00:08:27,984
because you sent it from your
personal email address,
215
00:08:28,019 --> 00:08:33,857
stinkmaster69@alumni.sarahlawrencecollege.edu.
216
00:08:33,891 --> 00:08:35,592
Really?
Sarah Lawrence?
217
00:08:35,626 --> 00:08:37,861
Yeah. I wanted a small
college experience.
218
00:08:37,895 --> 00:08:40,814
You also bragged about it
to many of your co-workers.
219
00:08:40,848 --> 00:08:43,566
There's an old sewage
department saying.
220
00:08:43,601 --> 00:08:45,702
"If you've got a nice
drainpipe,
221
00:08:45,736 --> 00:08:47,337
there's no reason to hide it."
222
00:08:47,371 --> 00:08:48,538
I doubt that's a saying.
223
00:08:48,572 --> 00:08:50,973
We are terminating you
effective immediately.
224
00:08:50,991 --> 00:08:52,442
Is this because you're jealous?
225
00:08:52,476 --> 00:08:54,978
No.
It's because you broke the law.
226
00:08:55,012 --> 00:08:56,980
The law of having
an amazing package.
227
00:08:57,014 --> 00:08:58,481
Before we have him
forcibly removed,
228
00:08:58,499 --> 00:09:00,834
you should know this, that
one of our female employees,
229
00:09:00,868 --> 00:09:02,752
a nurse, examined the photo
you sent her--
230
00:09:02,787 --> 00:09:04,421
I bet she did.
231
00:09:04,455 --> 00:09:05,922
And you have the mumps.
232
00:09:05,956 --> 00:09:07,257
You might wanna get
that checked.
233
00:09:07,291 --> 00:09:08,625
Sweet.
234
00:09:08,659 --> 00:09:11,428
Someone's got mumps
on his lumps.
235
00:09:11,462 --> 00:09:13,680
Up high.
Anyone?
236
00:09:13,714 --> 00:09:15,198
Ron isn't here.
237
00:09:15,232 --> 00:09:19,436
His ex-wife Tammy came,
and he got scared and ran away.
238
00:09:19,470 --> 00:09:21,054
Well, as acting manager
of the Parks Department,
239
00:09:21,105 --> 00:09:24,173
I declare that everything
you are saying is stupid.
240
00:09:24,191 --> 00:09:25,742
I love you.
241
00:09:25,776 --> 00:09:28,678
Hey, so Tom offered me a job
again.
242
00:09:28,712 --> 00:09:31,247
As my manager,
what do you think I should do?
243
00:09:31,282 --> 00:09:33,182
Well, what do you wanna do?
244
00:09:33,200 --> 00:09:36,252
I think it'd be kinda cool
to work for Tom.
245
00:09:36,287 --> 00:09:38,121
So take it.
246
00:09:38,155 --> 00:09:41,791
But working at a start-up
can be kind of risky.
247
00:09:41,826 --> 00:09:42,959
So don't take it.
248
00:09:42,993 --> 00:09:44,360
But Tom told me to follow
my dreams.
249
00:09:44,395 --> 00:09:45,762
So take it.
250
00:09:45,796 --> 00:09:49,132
- But this isn't my dream.
- So don't take it.
251
00:09:49,166 --> 00:09:51,468
- I don't know what to do.
- Me neither.
252
00:09:51,502 --> 00:09:53,586
You give such good advice.
253
00:09:53,637 --> 00:09:55,588
Babe, I love you.
254
00:09:55,639 --> 00:09:57,874
You're welcome.
255
00:10:00,778 --> 00:10:02,211
Ann Perkins!
256
00:10:02,229 --> 00:10:04,264
Hey. Did you maybe tell people
257
00:10:04,315 --> 00:10:07,383
that I diagnosed that guy with
mumps based on his porn photo?
258
00:10:07,418 --> 00:10:08,918
I did!
I was so proud of you.
259
00:10:08,953 --> 00:10:11,321
Okay, because now I have
everyone in City Hall
260
00:10:11,355 --> 00:10:12,856
sending me pictures
of their junk,
261
00:10:12,890 --> 00:10:14,757
asking me if they have mumps.
262
00:10:14,792 --> 00:10:16,826
Oh, my God.
263
00:10:16,861 --> 00:10:19,562
Your inbox is literally filled
with penises.
264
00:10:19,597 --> 00:10:20,947
- Mm-hmm.
- I am so sorry.
265
00:10:22,199 --> 00:10:25,502
Oh, look.
Ed Miller from payroll.
266
00:10:25,536 --> 00:10:27,954
Before I do this,
is there any possible way that
267
00:10:28,005 --> 00:10:29,305
we could still keep dating?
268
00:10:29,340 --> 00:10:31,841
We've attacked this
from all angles.
269
00:10:31,876 --> 00:10:33,610
Either you don't run
for office--
270
00:10:33,644 --> 00:10:35,111
Which is out of the question.
271
00:10:35,146 --> 00:10:37,247
Or you break up with him
and avoid a potential scandal.
272
00:10:38,649 --> 00:10:40,266
- Do you need to get that?
- No, it's just penises.
273
00:10:40,301 --> 00:10:42,468
Leslie, I don't want you
to break up with him either.
274
00:10:42,520 --> 00:10:44,654
- There's just no other way.
- Yeah.
275
00:10:44,688 --> 00:10:46,589
Just be direct and honest.
276
00:10:46,607 --> 00:10:47,891
- Okay.
- Okay.
277
00:10:47,925 --> 00:10:49,292
Hmm.
278
00:10:49,326 --> 00:10:51,778
It's the entire Sanitation
Department for Muncie.
279
00:10:51,812 --> 00:10:52,829
Ooh.
280
00:10:54,498 --> 00:10:55,965
Would you like any wine
to start?
281
00:10:56,000 --> 00:10:58,868
Yes, and I'm gonna be direct
and honest with you.
282
00:10:58,903 --> 00:11:00,336
I would like a glass of red wine
283
00:11:00,371 --> 00:11:01,538
and I'll take
the cheapest one you have
284
00:11:01,572 --> 00:11:02,705
because I can't tell
the difference.
285
00:11:02,740 --> 00:11:04,657
- I'll have the same.
- Great.
286
00:11:04,708 --> 00:11:07,844
- Okay. Here's the deal.
- Okay.
287
00:11:07,878 --> 00:11:10,780
- I really, really like you.
- I like you too.
288
00:11:10,814 --> 00:11:12,582
And I think I know
what you're gonna say.
289
00:11:12,616 --> 00:11:15,785
- I highly doubt that.
- I think I do.
290
00:11:15,819 --> 00:11:18,054
- Oh, I don't.
- And, um...
291
00:11:18,088 --> 00:11:21,341
- I got you something.
- No. What is this?
292
00:11:21,392 --> 00:11:23,026
- Is this jewelry?
- It's not, just open it.
293
00:11:23,060 --> 00:11:26,128
No.
Oh, I need to go to...
294
00:11:26,146 --> 00:11:27,430
Another place.
295
00:11:27,464 --> 00:11:29,849
I'm gonna go to the bathroom--
the Whiz Palace,
296
00:11:29,900 --> 00:11:31,184
as we like to call it here--
297
00:11:31,235 --> 00:11:34,404
and I'm going to be back
and I'm not gonna split.
298
00:11:34,438 --> 00:11:37,264
I'm here for you because
we need to talk about stuff.
299
00:11:37,384 --> 00:11:40,142
- Okay?
- All right.
300
00:11:40,160 --> 00:11:41,911
Wait--
301
00:11:48,252 --> 00:11:51,245
- Ron.
- What are you doing here?
302
00:11:51,365 --> 00:11:53,708
Running away from my problems.
303
00:11:53,828 --> 00:11:55,611
Come on in.
304
00:12:02,092 --> 00:12:03,987
- Ok, so here's what's going on.
- I didn't ask.
305
00:12:04,107 --> 00:12:05,464
Friday, I'm supposed
to announce that I'm running
306
00:12:05,704 --> 00:12:07,238
for City Council,
and I haven't told Ben yet.
307
00:12:07,272 --> 00:12:09,273
I know I said that we broke up,
but we couldn't.
308
00:12:09,308 --> 00:12:10,508
We're still dating.
309
00:12:10,542 --> 00:12:11,776
But now I have to break up
with him for real,
310
00:12:11,810 --> 00:12:12,994
but I don't wanna break up
with him
311
00:12:13,045 --> 00:12:14,412
because he's so cute.
He's so nice.
312
00:12:14,446 --> 00:12:15,880
If you're gonna stay here,
there are three rules
313
00:12:15,914 --> 00:12:17,715
you need to follow.
314
00:12:17,749 --> 00:12:21,485
One, no talk about Tammy one.
Two, no talk about Ben.
315
00:12:21,520 --> 00:12:23,321
Three, no talk.
316
00:12:23,355 --> 00:12:24,722
I didn't even ask you
last night.
317
00:12:24,756 --> 00:12:26,123
What is going on
with Tammy one?
318
00:12:26,158 --> 00:12:28,559
You just violated rules
number one and three.
319
00:12:28,593 --> 00:12:30,127
You lose your coffee
privileges.
320
00:12:30,162 --> 00:12:32,146
Oh.
321
00:12:32,180 --> 00:12:37,134
Oh, you choose, Knope--
hunting, fishing, or drinking?
322
00:12:37,169 --> 00:12:39,503
I'd really love to shoot
a gun right now.
323
00:12:39,538 --> 00:12:40,905
Fishing it is.
324
00:12:42,407 --> 00:12:44,992
And so effective immediately,
all male employees
325
00:12:45,027 --> 00:12:48,362
must stop sending explicit
photos to Ms. Perkins.
326
00:12:48,413 --> 00:12:51,332
If I may, what if based
on empirical evidence,
327
00:12:51,366 --> 00:12:55,386
I truly believe there's a grave
and immediate medical emergency?
328
00:12:55,420 --> 00:12:59,490
Were that the case,
could I then show you my dong?
329
00:12:59,524 --> 00:13:00,791
No.
330
00:13:00,825 --> 00:13:03,227
- That would be harassment.
- Fair enough.
331
00:13:03,261 --> 00:13:05,162
Now completely different
scenario.
332
00:13:05,197 --> 00:13:07,832
Let's say I've been watching
a lot of women's golf
333
00:13:07,866 --> 00:13:09,741
and I've had some wine--
334
00:13:09,861 --> 00:13:10,935
How about this?
335
00:13:10,969 --> 00:13:14,153
I'm gonna get a male doctor to
come in and do some screenings.
336
00:13:14,273 --> 00:13:14,939
Perfect.
337
00:13:14,973 --> 00:13:17,067
Just as a backup,
I'm sending you some photos.
338
00:13:17,187 --> 00:13:18,901
- That will not be necessary.
- That's me.
339
00:13:20,671 --> 00:13:22,773
Brand-new day,
brand-new merch.
340
00:13:22,807 --> 00:13:25,876
I got you guys some awesome
Entertainment720 stuff.
341
00:13:25,910 --> 00:13:30,079
Donna, this is for you.
Entertainment720 umbrella.
342
00:13:30,098 --> 00:13:34,050
Entertainment720 fly swatters.
Rubik's cube with my face on it.
343
00:13:34,084 --> 00:13:35,302
♪ Breath mints ♪
344
00:13:35,353 --> 00:13:36,853
Fireplace bellows.
345
00:13:36,888 --> 00:13:38,488
And...drum roll please.
346
00:13:39,724 --> 00:13:41,625
Drum roll sound effect
key chain.
347
00:13:41,659 --> 00:13:44,528
Shouldn't you be working
at your new company, Tom?
348
00:13:44,562 --> 00:13:45,812
I am working, April.
349
00:13:45,863 --> 00:13:48,231
I'm making high-level
network contacts.
350
00:13:48,266 --> 00:13:50,283
You think Bethenny Frankel
sits behind a desk all day?
351
00:13:50,318 --> 00:13:53,437
She makes $100 million a year.
How much you make a year?
352
00:13:53,471 --> 00:13:54,638
$101 million.
353
00:13:54,672 --> 00:13:56,506
Well, I, for one,
am happy to see Tom.
354
00:13:56,541 --> 00:13:57,741
Thanks, Jerry!
355
00:13:57,775 --> 00:14:00,293
Here. Have an umbrella
and some breath strips.
356
00:14:00,328 --> 00:14:01,878
Whoa.
357
00:14:01,913 --> 00:14:03,213
All right, enough chitchat,
everyone.
358
00:14:03,247 --> 00:14:05,949
- Please get back to work.
- You're not our boss.
359
00:14:05,967 --> 00:14:08,118
- What'd you just say to me?
- Ma'am.
360
00:14:08,152 --> 00:14:11,788
So...did you get a chance
to think about my offer?
361
00:14:11,806 --> 00:14:13,957
Yeah, I've been thinking a lot
about what you said.
362
00:14:13,991 --> 00:14:16,493
I wanna do my dreams,
but I just don't think my dream
363
00:14:16,527 --> 00:14:18,795
is working for a company that
puts logos on stuff.
364
00:14:18,830 --> 00:14:20,530
That's not my company does.
365
00:14:20,565 --> 00:14:22,399
Although, maybe we'll start.
366
00:14:22,433 --> 00:14:25,035
Hey, what you think?
367
00:14:25,069 --> 00:14:26,353
Donna...that looks great.
368
00:14:26,404 --> 00:14:28,538
I could do without this one.
369
00:14:30,324 --> 00:14:32,475
So running for office.
370
00:14:32,493 --> 00:14:34,945
Now I'm gonna have to find
a replacement for you.
371
00:14:34,979 --> 00:14:37,681
- I might not win.
- You'll win.
372
00:14:37,715 --> 00:14:42,085
- I might not run.
- You should.
373
00:14:42,119 --> 00:14:44,004
What's our plan here, Knope?
374
00:14:44,038 --> 00:14:47,691
I figure we build a fire,
roast the fish we shot,
375
00:14:47,725 --> 00:14:49,392
and make s'mores.
376
00:14:49,427 --> 00:14:51,194
I don't have the material
for s'mores.
377
00:14:51,229 --> 00:14:52,629
I do.
378
00:14:52,663 --> 00:14:54,664
I always carry emergency
s'more rations in my car.
379
00:14:54,699 --> 00:14:57,217
Given your hunting abilities
380
00:14:57,268 --> 00:14:59,219
and my chocolate supply,
381
00:14:59,270 --> 00:15:03,523
I figure we could stay up here
for two...three years.
382
00:15:09,313 --> 00:15:10,847
You know, when I was 12,
383
00:15:10,882 --> 00:15:14,017
my brother shot me in
the pinky toe with a nail gun.
384
00:15:14,051 --> 00:15:16,686
Granted, it was
a hilarious prank,
385
00:15:16,721 --> 00:15:18,187
and we all had a good laugh.
386
00:15:18,206 --> 00:15:19,355
That's awful.
387
00:15:19,373 --> 00:15:21,190
But I avoided going
to the doctor.
388
00:15:21,209 --> 00:15:23,326
I hate paperwork.
389
00:15:23,361 --> 00:15:26,296
After a few weeks,
the toe just kinda fell off.
390
00:15:26,330 --> 00:15:27,797
You only have nine toes?
391
00:15:27,832 --> 00:15:30,500
I have the toes I have.
392
00:15:30,535 --> 00:15:32,102
Let's just leave it at that.
393
00:15:32,136 --> 00:15:35,639
The point is the doctor said
if I had come in right away,
394
00:15:35,673 --> 00:15:38,241
they might've saved the toe.
395
00:15:38,276 --> 00:15:40,544
You can't run away
from your problems.
396
00:15:40,578 --> 00:15:42,779
Especially if you only have
nine toes.
397
00:15:44,098 --> 00:15:48,151
Sorry.
That was uncalled for.
398
00:15:48,185 --> 00:15:51,655
I'm Ron Swanson.
And you're Leslie [bleep] Knope.
399
00:15:54,325 --> 00:15:57,160
You with me?
400
00:16:01,499 --> 00:16:03,400
Well, what is your dream?
401
00:16:03,434 --> 00:16:05,702
It's to be the biggest rock
star on the planet obviously.
402
00:16:05,736 --> 00:16:07,404
But that could take another
3-5 years.
403
00:16:07,438 --> 00:16:08,672
Don't get me wrong.
404
00:16:08,706 --> 00:16:11,975
Shoe shining has been a...
been a pretty wild ride.
405
00:16:12,009 --> 00:16:15,478
But is it possible there's
something more out there for me?
406
00:16:15,513 --> 00:16:18,315
Andy, there's tons of stuff
you can do.
407
00:16:18,349 --> 00:16:20,100
I'll help you figure it out.
408
00:16:20,134 --> 00:16:21,968
- Really?
- Yes.
409
00:16:22,019 --> 00:16:25,722
One year from now, you,
Andy Dwyer, will no longer be
410
00:16:25,756 --> 00:16:29,159
a shoe shinist.
411
00:16:29,193 --> 00:16:30,760
Kyle, beat it.
412
00:16:30,795 --> 00:16:32,963
I wanna make out
with my wife now.
413
00:16:32,997 --> 00:16:34,831
But you've only done half
of one of my shoes.
414
00:16:34,865 --> 00:16:39,819
Here.
Now I haven't done anything.
415
00:16:39,870 --> 00:16:42,939
Scram, kid.
416
00:16:45,209 --> 00:16:47,243
- Hello.
- Hey, Ron! Welcome--
417
00:16:47,277 --> 00:16:50,113
Stop.
First order of business.
418
00:16:50,147 --> 00:16:52,549
I promised Leslie
I'd hire her a new assistant
419
00:16:52,583 --> 00:16:55,451
so the department doesn't
completely shut down
420
00:16:55,469 --> 00:16:57,804
while she runs for office.
421
00:16:57,838 --> 00:17:00,624
- You're running for office?
- Yeah, City Council.
422
00:17:00,658 --> 00:17:02,626
- Leslie, that is great.
- Thank you.
423
00:17:02,660 --> 00:17:06,830
Will you pledge right now
not to raise taxes?
424
00:17:06,864 --> 00:17:10,967
- I think that's premature.
- No pledge, no vote.
425
00:17:10,985 --> 00:17:12,986
The point is
she needs an assistant.
426
00:17:13,020 --> 00:17:15,672
- Start asking around--
- Hire Andy.
427
00:17:15,706 --> 00:17:19,809
- Andy can do it.
- Sure, yeah.
428
00:17:19,844 --> 00:17:20,977
Done.
429
00:17:20,995 --> 00:17:23,980
Andy, you are now Leslie's
assistant.
430
00:17:23,998 --> 00:17:25,782
Honey.
431
00:17:25,816 --> 00:17:28,451
No--
432
00:17:28,486 --> 00:17:30,754
Leslie, I'm gonna work
my ass off for you.
433
00:17:30,788 --> 00:17:33,056
I'll do anything you ask me.
I will prove myself.
434
00:17:33,090 --> 00:17:34,357
You don't even have to pay me.
435
00:17:34,392 --> 00:17:35,792
No, honey, no.
436
00:17:35,826 --> 00:17:39,346
Tomorrow, there will be
a 300-page orientation booklet
437
00:17:39,380 --> 00:17:41,197
as well as a dozen
homemade cookies
438
00:17:41,232 --> 00:17:42,766
in the shape of your face.
439
00:17:42,800 --> 00:17:45,568
But today...
440
00:17:45,603 --> 00:17:49,739
There's something else
I have to do.
441
00:17:49,774 --> 00:17:54,744
If any of you need
anything at all, too bad.
442
00:17:54,779 --> 00:17:57,313
Deal with your problems
yourselves like adults.
443
00:17:57,347 --> 00:17:59,682
I'll be in my office,
waiting for Tammy one.
444
00:17:59,700 --> 00:18:00,984
You want me to find her?
445
00:18:01,018 --> 00:18:02,986
There's no need.
She'll find me.
446
00:18:03,020 --> 00:18:08,458
She has the tracking ability
and body odor of a bloodhound.
447
00:18:10,745 --> 00:18:13,129
Okay, so now you're sure that
everything is okay, you know,
448
00:18:13,164 --> 00:18:14,330
down there?
449
00:18:14,364 --> 00:18:17,167
You're perfectly healthy.
450
00:18:17,201 --> 00:18:20,804
That man has the largest penis
I have ever seen.
451
00:18:20,838 --> 00:18:22,472
I actually don't even know
if he has mumps.
452
00:18:22,506 --> 00:18:23,840
Forgot to look.
453
00:18:23,874 --> 00:18:29,429
I was distracted by the largest
penis I have ever seen.
454
00:18:32,483 --> 00:18:34,184
I know I've been acting
really weird lately,
455
00:18:34,218 --> 00:18:37,087
and, um, I really like you.
456
00:18:37,121 --> 00:18:38,822
What I'm about to say
is gonna contradict the idea
457
00:18:38,856 --> 00:18:40,423
that I really like you,
but that won't change--
458
00:18:40,458 --> 00:18:41,558
So just open the box.
459
00:18:41,592 --> 00:18:43,293
Please stop bringing out
the box, okay?
460
00:18:43,327 --> 00:18:44,728
- Leslie--
- You're being really nice,
461
00:18:44,762 --> 00:18:46,830
and what I'm about to say
is gonna make you hate me.
462
00:18:46,864 --> 00:18:48,998
Okay, then I'll just open
the box for you.
463
00:18:52,369 --> 00:18:54,938
Wow.
464
00:18:54,972 --> 00:18:56,740
You knew?
465
00:18:56,774 --> 00:18:58,792
I figured it out a while ago.
466
00:18:58,843 --> 00:19:01,044
I'm sorry.
I should've told you I knew.
467
00:19:01,078 --> 00:19:05,415
But I just--I wanted this
to last as long as possible.
468
00:19:05,449 --> 00:19:07,217
We have to break up.
469
00:19:07,251 --> 00:19:10,887
Why?
Why do we have to break up?
470
00:19:10,921 --> 00:19:14,224
Well, Leslie, everything
you've accomplished,
471
00:19:14,258 --> 00:19:16,226
you have earned
and you have worked for.
472
00:19:16,260 --> 00:19:18,928
I don't want anyone to think
that you got where you are today
473
00:19:18,963 --> 00:19:22,732
by sleeping with your boss.
474
00:19:22,766 --> 00:19:24,067
But I really like sleeping
with my boss.
475
00:19:24,101 --> 00:19:26,369
Yeah...Yeah.
476
00:19:26,403 --> 00:19:28,705
Okay, look. I'm gonna make this
real easy for you.
477
00:19:28,739 --> 00:19:34,010
Um, it's not you, it's me.
I'm not ready for a commitment.
478
00:19:34,044 --> 00:19:35,979
I just don't like you anymore.
479
00:19:36,013 --> 00:19:38,748
I know it's hard to hear that,
but...
480
00:19:38,783 --> 00:19:40,917
You're boring, and frankly
you disgust me.
481
00:19:40,951 --> 00:19:42,635
Echh!
482
00:19:45,055 --> 00:19:46,790
How did you figure it out?
483
00:19:46,824 --> 00:19:49,826
Leslie, there was a dude
in the ladies' yacht club.
484
00:19:49,860 --> 00:19:51,828
Yeah, but I covered that
pretty well.
485
00:19:51,862 --> 00:19:55,482
Also, you've been making
campaign speeches in your sleep.
486
00:19:55,516 --> 00:19:59,369
Granted, you always do that,
but they got really specific
487
00:19:59,403 --> 00:20:01,204
and moving.
488
00:20:01,238 --> 00:20:02,772
Did I have a good opening line?
489
00:20:02,807 --> 00:20:07,110
It was simple, but I liked it.
490
00:20:07,144 --> 00:20:10,914
Friends, honored guests,
Pawneeans.
491
00:20:10,948 --> 00:20:15,001
I am Leslie Knope, and
I am running for City Council.
492
00:20:17,654 --> 00:20:27,798
Sync & corrected by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
493
00:20:28,843 --> 00:20:32,446
- Hello, Tammy.
- Ronald.
494
00:20:32,480 --> 00:20:34,915
That's enough small talk.
What do you want?
495
00:20:34,949 --> 00:20:37,539
You remember what I do
for a living, I trust?
496
00:20:37,889 --> 00:20:40,621
Yes.
You ruin people's lives.
497
00:20:42,703 --> 00:20:45,592
You're being audited, Ronald.
498
00:20:45,627 --> 00:20:46,727
I don't care.
499
00:20:46,761 --> 00:20:49,215
Then why is your mustache
trembling?
500
00:20:49,484 --> 00:20:51,498
I'm here as a friend.
501
00:20:51,532 --> 00:20:52,900
Call it nostalgia.
502
00:20:52,934 --> 00:20:55,669
Or perhaps guilt
for all the times
503
00:20:55,703 --> 00:20:57,671
I tried to smother you
in your sleep.
504
00:20:57,705 --> 00:21:00,925
- I don't need your help.
- Wrong. You do.
505
00:21:01,159 --> 00:21:03,832
But as you're so fond of saying,
it's a free country.
506
00:21:04,088 --> 00:21:05,357
Good luck.
507
00:21:05,812 --> 00:21:08,048
I hope you don't go to jail.
508
00:21:10,607 --> 00:21:13,421
Sit up straight.
You're not doing your breast any favors.
509
00:21:14,811 --> 00:21:16,663
Thank you.
510
00:21:17,732 --> 00:21:20,903
Hi. Your breasts are amazing.
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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