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Gentlemen.
2
00:00:02,604 --> 00:00:04,971
Wildeness weekend is upon us.
3
00:00:05,804 --> 00:00:07,171
There will be no video games.
4
00:00:07,205 --> 00:00:09,540
There will be
no Internet pads.
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This weekend
you have two parents:
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Me and Mother Nature.
7
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And I...
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am Mother Nature's brother:
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Brother nature.
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But you can call me Andy.
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Or brother nature.
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Your call.
13
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- Thank you, Andy.
- Brother nature.
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For the last three years
15
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I have served as troop leader
of the Pawnee Rangers.
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This is our handbook.
17
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I wrote the whole thing myself.
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Okay, it's time
to give out the badges.
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00:00:39,212 --> 00:00:40,479
Um, let's see.
20
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Emily, you get the badge
for most community service.
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00:00:42,715 --> 00:00:43,865
[Applause]
22
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To Casey,
the best penguin blog badge.
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[Applause]
24
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To Abigail,
25
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flyest hairstyle.
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And Ann gets the badge
for second-flyest hairstyle.
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Oh!
I wasn't competing for that.
28
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I'll say.
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Five years ago,
30
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a plucky fifth-grader wanted
to join the Pawnee Rangers,
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but their executive council said
what obnoxious jerks always say.
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"No. This is males-only.
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Go start your own club."
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She couldn't.
35
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So I did.
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We're called
the Pawnee Goddesses,
37
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and we're freakin' awesome.
38
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Hey, Ron, whose club
do you think is better,
39
00:01:16,099 --> 00:01:17,398
yours or mine?
40
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The answer is mine.
Say mine is better.
41
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It's not a competition.
44
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[As a Southern belle]
Oh, my stars.
45
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I'm just a little lady.
46
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My fragile constitution cannot
handle the fearsome outdoors.
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I have no problem
with strong women, Leslie.
48
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Who's Leslie?
49
00:01:34,934 --> 00:01:37,385
My name is Annabelle Vandergraf,
50
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and, y'all,
51
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I just fall to pieces
52
00:01:40,473 --> 00:01:42,257
when the sun shines
53
00:01:42,275 --> 00:01:44,359
on my hair--ed.
54
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However, the Pawnee Rangers
were founded because some boys
55
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want to go out into nature
56
00:01:50,233 --> 00:01:52,267
and learn
traditional survival skills
57
00:01:52,301 --> 00:01:54,136
without being distracted
by girls.
58
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Well, my awesome goddesses
don't want to be distracted by losers.
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Say my club is better, Ron.
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00:01:59,575 --> 00:02:00,308
Say it.
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00:02:00,343 --> 00:02:01,293
My club is better.
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Say it.
63
00:02:02,495 --> 00:02:04,045
Come on. Say it's better.
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00:02:04,080 --> 00:02:05,163
Say it.
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00:02:05,214 --> 00:02:06,381
Say it's better.
Say my club is better.
66
00:02:06,415 --> 00:02:07,382
Say it. Give it up.
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Whose club is better? Mine.
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Say it. You know it.
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Say it.
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On principal,
I never say anything
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00:02:12,421 --> 00:02:15,423
that another person is obviously
trying to get me to say.
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My first wedding ceremony
took two hours,
73
00:02:17,693 --> 00:02:21,129
because after the priest said
"Repeat after me"
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I fell silent.
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[Triumphant music]
76
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♪ ♪
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Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
78
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I've been auditing
the budget, and I noticed
79
00:02:46,488 --> 00:02:48,490
you're way behind
on your paperwork.
80
00:02:48,524 --> 00:02:51,893
Uh, Jerry, you haven't
filled out a PC-10 form
81
00:02:51,928 --> 00:02:53,661
in two and a half years.
82
00:02:53,679 --> 00:02:55,297
Aw, jeez, I'm sorry.
83
00:02:55,331 --> 00:02:57,933
Yeah, we kinda do
our paperwork at our own speed.
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Oh, really?
85
00:02:59,168 --> 00:03:00,802
Well, I kinda need you
to do it at my speed.
86
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Fine, I'll do them.
87
00:03:03,606 --> 00:03:04,856
What is wrong
with you today?
88
00:03:04,891 --> 00:03:05,974
Did they cancel
Game of Thrones?
89
00:03:06,008 --> 00:03:08,009
Nothing is wrong,
just do your job.
90
00:03:10,446 --> 00:03:13,615
And they would
never cancel Game of Thrones.
91
00:03:13,649 --> 00:03:14,716
It's a crossover hit.
92
00:03:14,750 --> 00:03:16,851
It's not just
for fantasy enthusiasts.
93
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They're telling human stories
in a fantasy world.
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Fill out the forms, please.
Thank you.
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I used to have
one really good reason
96
00:03:26,528 --> 00:03:27,796
for staying in Pawnee.
97
00:03:27,830 --> 00:03:31,249
But now, I'm not sure
what's keeping me here.
98
00:03:31,300 --> 00:03:34,102
Although,
I am just two sandwiches away
99
00:03:34,136 --> 00:03:36,588
from a free meatball sub.
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This is expired.
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[Girls squealing]
102
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Rangers, as a reward
for coming on this trip,
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I have gotten you each
two gifts.
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Go ahead. Open 'em.
105
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What is this?
106
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That is a canvas sheet,
107
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the most versatile object
known to man.
108
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It can be used
to make tents, backpacks,
109
00:04:03,633 --> 00:04:05,100
shoes, stretchers,
110
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sails, tarpaulins,
111
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and I suppose, in the most
dire of circumstances,
112
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it can be a surface
on which to make
113
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"art."
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00:04:13,225 --> 00:04:14,476
What's the second gift?
115
00:04:14,510 --> 00:04:17,345
The second gift
is the box itself.
116
00:04:17,363 --> 00:04:20,215
You have 10 minutes
to assemble a shelter
117
00:04:20,249 --> 00:04:22,984
using only your two gifts.
118
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Go.
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Ladies!
120
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The goddess cabin
has never looked better.
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This year's
cabin refurbishment badge
122
00:04:30,710 --> 00:04:32,994
is going to be hotly contested.
123
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Okay,
so what did everybody make
124
00:04:34,714 --> 00:04:36,531
for their
loosely structured craft time?
125
00:04:36,549 --> 00:04:37,532
Lauren?
126
00:04:37,550 --> 00:04:38,833
I made a "Gertrude Stein."
127
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[Applause]
128
00:04:40,703 --> 00:04:43,171
Amazing.
Lauren, that's so good!
129
00:04:43,705 --> 00:04:45,840
I really wouldn't
want to follow that.
130
00:04:45,874 --> 00:04:47,375
Ann?
131
00:04:47,409 --> 00:04:48,710
Oh, boy. Um...
132
00:04:48,744 --> 00:04:52,547
I was making
some cornhusk dolls for everyone
133
00:04:52,581 --> 00:04:54,382
but they kinda turned out wrong
134
00:04:54,416 --> 00:04:56,417
so they look like monsters.
135
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I'm sorry.
136
00:04:59,455 --> 00:05:02,590
I'm just gonna
put that over there.
137
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In the fire.
138
00:05:04,727 --> 00:05:05,927
Well, Ann's keeping us warm.
139
00:05:05,961 --> 00:05:07,696
And that's important.
140
00:05:07,730 --> 00:05:08,813
April?
141
00:05:08,864 --> 00:05:10,665
[Strums ukulele]
♪ What was your craft? ♪.
142
00:05:10,700 --> 00:05:13,368
I drew something
on my arm.
143
00:05:13,402 --> 00:05:15,203
It's a pioneer girl
watching her grandmother
144
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get trampled by a buffalo.
145
00:05:16,238 --> 00:05:19,457
[All ooh and aww]
146
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Yeah.
This right here's all the blood
147
00:05:21,210 --> 00:05:22,160
coming out her face.
148
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[Rap music]
149
00:05:24,146 --> 00:05:25,547
DJ Bluntz
is in the building,
150
00:05:25,581 --> 00:05:27,499
here to announce
that Tom Haverford
151
00:05:27,550 --> 00:05:29,334
is in the building.
152
00:05:29,385 --> 00:05:31,836
Oh! 1-2, 1-2!
153
00:05:31,887 --> 00:05:33,621
Donatella.
T-mobile.
154
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Three words for you:
155
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Treat. Yo. Self.
156
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Both:
♪ Treat yourself 2011. ♪
157
00:05:39,795 --> 00:05:41,096
Once a year,
Donna and I
158
00:05:41,130 --> 00:05:42,697
spend a day treating ourselves.
159
00:05:42,732 --> 00:05:44,265
What do we treat ourselves to?
160
00:05:44,299 --> 00:05:45,633
- Clothes.
- Treat yourself.
161
00:05:45,668 --> 00:05:46,634
- Fragrances.
- Treat yourself.
162
00:05:46,652 --> 00:05:48,319
- Massages.
- Treat yourself.
163
00:05:48,354 --> 00:05:49,771
- Mimosas.
- Treat yourself.
164
00:05:49,805 --> 00:05:52,140
- Fine leather goods.
- Treat yourself!
165
00:05:52,158 --> 00:05:53,775
It's the best day
of the year.
166
00:05:53,809 --> 00:05:55,493
Both:
♪ The best day of the year ♪.
167
00:05:55,528 --> 00:05:56,611
I got a question.
168
00:05:56,645 --> 00:05:57,695
Mm-hmm?
169
00:05:57,747 --> 00:05:59,280
What do you think
about inviting Ben
170
00:05:59,314 --> 00:06:00,481
to come along with us today?
171
00:06:00,499 --> 00:06:02,834
What? Noo!
172
00:06:02,868 --> 00:06:04,152
This is our thing.
173
00:06:04,186 --> 00:06:05,837
But he really seems
like he could use a day off.
174
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He's like
a skinny little rubber band
175
00:06:07,489 --> 00:06:09,207
that's about to snap in half.
176
00:06:09,258 --> 00:06:11,760
Exactly.
He doesn't know how to relax.
177
00:06:11,794 --> 00:06:13,828
Donna, you and I
are relaxation professionals.
178
00:06:13,846 --> 00:06:14,846
There's no way Ben
can slow down enough
179
00:06:14,880 --> 00:06:16,214
to keep up with us.
180
00:06:16,265 --> 00:06:18,499
My Nubian princess,
this is our holy day.
181
00:06:18,533 --> 00:06:20,518
It's the one day a year
I allow myself to be selfish.
182
00:06:20,553 --> 00:06:21,936
Ooh, cupcakes.
183
00:06:21,971 --> 00:06:23,521
Those are all for me, Jerry.
184
00:06:23,556 --> 00:06:27,175
This homemade bulgogi
is so delicious, Kayla.
185
00:06:27,193 --> 00:06:28,893
This is the best Korean food
I've ever had.
186
00:06:28,944 --> 00:06:30,645
I would say
it's almost as good as
187
00:06:30,679 --> 00:06:33,381
lukewarm beans from a can.
188
00:06:33,416 --> 00:06:35,383
Right, Ron?
189
00:06:35,418 --> 00:06:37,652
I'm trying to teach my boys
about rationing food,
190
00:06:37,686 --> 00:06:39,520
and your self-indulgent
191
00:06:39,538 --> 00:06:41,823
ethnic food court isn't helping.
192
00:06:41,857 --> 00:06:44,192
Goddesses, let's go over
our schedule for this afternoon.
193
00:06:44,210 --> 00:06:46,494
We have hiking,
and then capture the flag,
194
00:06:46,529 --> 00:06:48,730
and then a puppet show
about the Bill of Rights
195
00:06:48,764 --> 00:06:51,666
set to "Party in the USA"
by Miley Cyrus,
196
00:06:51,700 --> 00:06:53,835
and then we have lasso training,
197
00:06:53,869 --> 00:06:55,753
and a s'mores-off.
198
00:06:55,805 --> 00:06:57,755
[Cheering]
199
00:06:58,807 --> 00:07:00,508
So what's on our schedule,
Mr. Swanson?
200
00:07:00,942 --> 00:07:03,344
We have one activity planned:
201
00:07:03,378 --> 00:07:04,596
Not getting killed.
202
00:07:09,051 --> 00:07:10,268
Jerry.
203
00:07:10,319 --> 00:07:12,237
Oh, everybody must be
at Rangers weekend.
204
00:07:12,271 --> 00:07:14,055
You know, I actually
was a ranger for 12 years--
205
00:07:14,073 --> 00:07:15,056
That's wonderful.
206
00:07:15,074 --> 00:07:16,241
Maybe you should
take the day off.
207
00:07:16,275 --> 00:07:18,159
You know,
rest is very important.
208
00:07:18,194 --> 00:07:21,579
Did you know that lab rats
who are deprived of rest
209
00:07:21,630 --> 00:07:23,381
grow tumors
all over their bodies?
210
00:07:23,415 --> 00:07:24,749
You should Google it.
It's horrifying.
211
00:07:24,800 --> 00:07:26,084
Uh, thank you. Yes.
212
00:07:26,135 --> 00:07:27,469
You know, I'm gonna--
213
00:07:27,503 --> 00:07:29,003
I'm gonna go have lunch
with my daughter!
214
00:07:29,037 --> 00:07:29,938
You know, Chris,
if you wanted,
215
00:07:29,972 --> 00:07:31,840
you know,
you should join us for lunch.
216
00:07:31,874 --> 00:07:33,308
My daughter,
she's really sweet.
217
00:07:33,342 --> 00:07:35,509
I would love to, Jerry,
but I'm afraid that I am busy.
218
00:07:35,543 --> 00:07:36,377
I have got to run.
219
00:07:36,395 --> 00:07:37,428
Google those rat tumors!
220
00:07:39,348 --> 00:07:41,900
Both: ♪ Treat yourself 2011 ♪
221
00:07:41,934 --> 00:07:44,051
Oh, lord.
222
00:07:44,069 --> 00:07:45,270
Is he eating soup?
223
00:07:45,321 --> 00:07:47,055
On a bench? Alone?
224
00:07:48,089 --> 00:07:49,491
Tom.
225
00:07:49,525 --> 00:07:50,325
[Sighs]
226
00:07:50,326 --> 00:07:51,859
Fine.
227
00:07:52,227 --> 00:07:54,612
Come on, rubber band.
Come with us.
228
00:07:54,663 --> 00:07:55,730
What? What are you--
229
00:07:55,764 --> 00:07:56,948
No arguing.
230
00:07:56,999 --> 00:07:58,065
And no soup in the Benz.
231
00:07:58,483 --> 00:08:00,168
- Get in.
- Wha?
232
00:08:00,202 --> 00:08:01,402
What?
233
00:08:01,420 --> 00:08:02,587
What is happening right now?
234
00:08:02,621 --> 00:08:06,457
[Girls screaming]
235
00:08:06,509 --> 00:08:07,909
[Ukulele]
236
00:08:08,943 --> 00:08:10,211
Great pillow fight, girls.
237
00:08:10,245 --> 00:08:12,079
That was one
of our best ones yet.
238
00:08:12,097 --> 00:08:14,132
Okay.
Now it's time for awards.
239
00:08:14,183 --> 00:08:16,651
Lulu gets the golden pillow.
240
00:08:16,685 --> 00:08:19,437
And the silver pillow
goes to Janie.
241
00:08:19,471 --> 00:08:20,638
[Knock at door]
242
00:08:20,689 --> 00:08:21,639
Ooh!
243
00:08:22,690 --> 00:08:25,026
Yes, what is it?
244
00:08:25,060 --> 00:08:27,028
Ms. Knope,
245
00:08:27,062 --> 00:08:28,763
I don't like
the Rangers anymore.
246
00:08:28,781 --> 00:08:31,466
I want to become
a Pawnee Goddess.
247
00:08:31,500 --> 00:08:32,534
I did it!
248
00:08:32,568 --> 00:08:35,036
My club is officially
the best club.
249
00:08:35,070 --> 00:08:37,104
I would give myself
a merit badge that says
250
00:08:37,139 --> 00:08:38,873
"Best Club Founder,"
but I don't have one,
251
00:08:38,907 --> 00:08:40,207
so I'm going to give myself
252
00:08:40,242 --> 00:08:42,911
"Prettiest eyes"
as a placeholder.
253
00:08:42,945 --> 00:08:44,462
I secretly always
wanted this badge,
254
00:08:44,496 --> 00:08:46,464
so it works out great.
255
00:08:49,496 --> 00:08:50,964
You were defecting?
256
00:08:51,269 --> 00:08:53,253
I like you, Mr. Swanson,
it's just...
257
00:08:53,288 --> 00:08:55,272
All we do is sit in silence
and eat beans.
258
00:08:55,323 --> 00:08:58,192
Those beans were a reward.
259
00:08:58,226 --> 00:08:59,193
Well, see, the thing is
260
00:08:59,227 --> 00:09:00,527
this club is for girls only.
261
00:09:00,561 --> 00:09:02,863
Maybe you should start
your own club, for boys.
262
00:09:02,897 --> 00:09:03,931
Get back to your canvas box.
263
00:09:03,965 --> 00:09:06,083
We'll discuss this no further.
264
00:09:06,117 --> 00:09:08,035
And I'll thank you
to keep the ruckus down
265
00:09:08,069 --> 00:09:10,570
so my boys can
focus on solitude.
266
00:09:10,588 --> 00:09:12,406
- I'm sorry, Darren.
- Let's go.
267
00:09:15,110 --> 00:09:17,261
So, treat yourself day
is just a day
268
00:09:17,295 --> 00:09:20,464
where you go to the spa
and then the mall?
269
00:09:20,498 --> 00:09:21,632
[Sighs]
270
00:09:21,683 --> 00:09:22,983
I knew you wouldn't get it.
271
00:09:23,018 --> 00:09:25,386
Well, I'm a relaxation novice.
272
00:09:25,420 --> 00:09:26,387
Give me some guidance.
273
00:09:26,421 --> 00:09:28,188
Listen to me, Ben-to box,
274
00:09:28,223 --> 00:09:30,224
the point of this
is to pamper yourself.
275
00:09:30,258 --> 00:09:32,493
Just relaaax, man.
276
00:09:32,527 --> 00:09:33,527
I can't.
277
00:09:33,561 --> 00:09:35,262
Something about
the sound of harps
278
00:09:35,280 --> 00:09:37,898
that makes me nervous.
279
00:09:37,932 --> 00:09:39,233
Oh, my God!
280
00:09:39,267 --> 00:09:40,651
- Hi, Donna.
- Hey.
281
00:09:40,702 --> 00:09:42,636
Relaxation lesson number one:
282
00:09:42,671 --> 00:09:44,304
Acupuncture.
283
00:09:44,339 --> 00:09:46,640
It's great for your back,
and your rear.
284
00:09:46,675 --> 00:09:49,476
Needles in your face,
pleasure in your base.
285
00:09:52,881 --> 00:09:54,648
- [Laughing] I know.
- That's my boss.
286
00:09:54,666 --> 00:09:56,316
[Clears throat]
Hey, Chris.
287
00:09:56,351 --> 00:09:59,586
Uh, I would like you
to meet my daughter, Millicent.
288
00:09:59,621 --> 00:10:01,338
Wow.
289
00:10:01,372 --> 00:10:02,489
Jerry, great job.
290
00:10:02,523 --> 00:10:03,857
I'm your dad's boss.
291
00:10:03,892 --> 00:10:05,792
And his much-younger friend.
292
00:10:05,827 --> 00:10:07,227
Pleasure to meet you.
293
00:10:07,262 --> 00:10:08,378
Isn't she beautiful?
294
00:10:08,429 --> 00:10:11,164
I say she looks
like my wife, Gayle,
295
00:10:11,182 --> 00:10:13,267
and Gayle agrees.
[Laughs]
296
00:10:13,301 --> 00:10:15,435
So, anyway,
we were gonna go to lunch, so--
297
00:10:15,470 --> 00:10:18,338
I retroactively accept
your original offer.
298
00:10:18,873 --> 00:10:19,556
Let's go!
299
00:10:19,557 --> 00:10:20,857
Ladies, I just wanted
300
00:10:20,892 --> 00:10:23,644
to thank you for not cheering
when I sent Darren away.
301
00:10:23,678 --> 00:10:25,979
Ms. Knope,
wasn't Darren just asking
302
00:10:26,014 --> 00:10:27,547
for the same equality
that you and the goddesses
303
00:10:27,582 --> 00:10:30,584
wanted five years ago?
304
00:10:30,618 --> 00:10:31,818
In a sense,
305
00:10:31,852 --> 00:10:33,453
but it's a little bit
more complicated than--
306
00:10:33,488 --> 00:10:34,988
Wasn't your answer
the very same thing
307
00:10:35,023 --> 00:10:37,291
that the ranger council
said to you?
308
00:10:37,325 --> 00:10:38,292
"Stick to your own kind"?
309
00:10:38,326 --> 00:10:40,711
Who wants
homemade peanut brittle?
310
00:10:40,745 --> 00:10:43,597
Ms. Perkins, please,
we're in the middle of a debate.
311
00:10:43,631 --> 00:10:45,198
Sorry.
312
00:10:45,216 --> 00:10:46,333
Come on, goddesses.
313
00:10:46,367 --> 00:10:48,368
We just struck
a huge blow for equality
314
00:10:48,386 --> 00:10:50,037
by proving that
we were better than them.
315
00:10:50,071 --> 00:10:51,071
I disagree.
316
00:10:51,105 --> 00:10:52,639
What about a public forum?
317
00:10:52,674 --> 00:10:54,474
You always say that
there's no better solution
318
00:10:54,509 --> 00:10:55,759
for a hot-button issue
319
00:10:55,810 --> 00:10:58,228
than a good ol'-fashioned
public forum.
320
00:10:58,262 --> 00:10:59,229
[Low]
Great idea, Lauren.
321
00:10:59,263 --> 00:11:00,547
What was that?
322
00:11:00,565 --> 00:11:03,183
I said,
"great idea, Lauren."
323
00:11:03,217 --> 00:11:04,601
I've taught them too well.
324
00:11:04,652 --> 00:11:07,821
I've created a mob of
little Leslie Knope monsters.
325
00:11:07,855 --> 00:11:09,089
I'm so proud.
326
00:11:09,123 --> 00:11:10,157
And a little annoyed.
327
00:11:10,191 --> 00:11:11,908
But mostly proud.
328
00:11:11,943 --> 00:11:13,243
70/30.
329
00:11:13,277 --> 00:11:15,245
Just relax and don't move.
330
00:11:15,279 --> 00:11:17,264
Okay. Ah...
331
00:11:17,298 --> 00:11:19,433
This is the most
332
00:11:19,467 --> 00:11:22,369
stressed-out I've ever been
333
00:11:22,403 --> 00:11:23,470
in my life.
334
00:11:23,504 --> 00:11:24,955
Ben, listen.
335
00:11:25,006 --> 00:11:26,807
I'm gonna talk to you
about things you like
336
00:11:26,841 --> 00:11:28,008
to take your mind
off the needles, okay?
337
00:11:28,042 --> 00:11:29,009
[Grunts]
338
00:11:29,043 --> 00:11:31,578
Accounting.
339
00:11:31,596 --> 00:11:32,779
Trigonometry.
340
00:11:32,814 --> 00:11:33,914
Stamps, probably.
341
00:11:33,948 --> 00:11:35,148
More of a rare coins guy.
342
00:11:35,183 --> 00:11:36,616
Help me. Help me!
343
00:11:36,651 --> 00:11:40,320
There is nothing that I like
more than running for charity.
344
00:11:40,355 --> 00:11:42,639
You know, last summer
I did a 50-mile bike ride
345
00:11:42,690 --> 00:11:44,591
- for the red cross.
- Yes, she did.
346
00:11:44,609 --> 00:11:45,925
Millicent Gergich,
347
00:11:45,943 --> 00:11:48,061
biking for charity is literally
348
00:11:48,095 --> 00:11:49,646
one of my interests on Facebook.
349
00:11:49,697 --> 00:11:50,697
[All laugh]
350
00:11:50,732 --> 00:11:52,783
I can't believe
how alike we are.
351
00:11:52,817 --> 00:11:55,235
I know, it's like
we're literally the same person.
352
00:11:55,269 --> 00:11:58,121
[Laughs]
353
00:11:58,156 --> 00:12:01,241
We are having a moment.
354
00:12:02,443 --> 00:12:03,710
Attention, everyone.
355
00:12:03,745 --> 00:12:05,812
Welcome to wonder weekend's
356
00:12:05,847 --> 00:12:08,331
first-ever public forum.
357
00:12:08,383 --> 00:12:10,000
Our topic today?
358
00:12:10,051 --> 00:12:11,418
Should the amazing goddesses
359
00:12:11,452 --> 00:12:14,688
take pity on the once-powerful
Pawnee Rangers,
360
00:12:14,722 --> 00:12:18,392
and let them into our
clearly superior organization?
361
00:12:18,426 --> 00:12:20,427
Ron, your opening statement.
362
00:12:22,997 --> 00:12:24,514
This forum,
like all public forums,
363
00:12:24,565 --> 00:12:25,599
is a waste of time.
364
00:12:25,633 --> 00:12:27,034
Thank you.
365
00:12:27,068 --> 00:12:28,235
Powerful stuff.
366
00:12:28,269 --> 00:12:30,854
Okay. Let's open up
the floor to debate.
367
00:12:30,905 --> 00:12:32,322
Who-- yes, Abigail.
368
00:12:32,356 --> 00:12:35,475
Isn't it like Brown vs.
The Board of Education?
369
00:12:35,493 --> 00:12:37,577
Separate but equal
is never really equal.
370
00:12:37,612 --> 00:12:38,712
We should let the boys in.
371
00:12:38,746 --> 00:12:40,363
Mmm, interesting. Casey?
372
00:12:40,415 --> 00:12:41,665
I disagree.
373
00:12:41,699 --> 00:12:44,251
I think there's a benefit
to educating the genders separately.
374
00:12:44,285 --> 00:12:46,253
I see where
you're coming from.
375
00:12:46,287 --> 00:12:47,821
Let's hear from a ranger.
376
00:12:47,839 --> 00:12:49,923
Anyone? Darren?
377
00:12:49,957 --> 00:12:52,392
It's cold
and dirty out here.
378
00:12:52,427 --> 00:12:54,561
And you guys have candy.
379
00:12:54,595 --> 00:12:56,046
I want the candy.
380
00:12:56,597 --> 00:12:58,899
The goddesses are making
some well-informed statements,
381
00:12:58,933 --> 00:13:00,434
but the most compelling point
382
00:13:00,468 --> 00:13:02,469
is from Darren, about the candy.
383
00:13:02,503 --> 00:13:05,172
We have amazing candy in there.
384
00:13:05,706 --> 00:13:07,207
Welcome to Nirvana,
385
00:13:07,241 --> 00:13:08,975
the Plaza at Eagleton.
386
00:13:09,009 --> 00:13:10,544
There's a reflecting pool
out back,
387
00:13:10,578 --> 00:13:12,779
there's an old-timey train
that runs through the mall,
388
00:13:12,814 --> 00:13:15,048
and three Burberrys.
389
00:13:15,083 --> 00:13:16,817
If you tell your friend,
"hey, meet me at Burberry,"
390
00:13:16,851 --> 00:13:19,453
they gotta specify which one.
391
00:13:19,487 --> 00:13:20,821
Let's hit it.
392
00:13:22,206 --> 00:13:23,189
I really want this dress,
393
00:13:23,207 --> 00:13:25,025
and I like this crystal beetle,
394
00:13:25,059 --> 00:13:28,545
but it's expensive
and there's no use for it.
395
00:13:28,579 --> 00:13:30,030
Donna Meagle?
396
00:13:30,064 --> 00:13:31,898
Treat yourself.
397
00:13:31,933 --> 00:13:34,134
Velvet slippies,
cashmere socks,
398
00:13:34,168 --> 00:13:36,219
velvet pants,
cashmere turtle.
399
00:13:36,254 --> 00:13:38,004
I'm a cashmere-velvet
candy cane.
400
00:13:38,039 --> 00:13:40,540
Treat yourself.
401
00:13:40,575 --> 00:13:42,109
I mean, this is insane.
402
00:13:43,394 --> 00:13:44,978
Jerry, a word?
403
00:13:45,012 --> 00:13:46,079
Of course.
404
00:13:46,114 --> 00:13:48,315
I had an amazing lunch.
405
00:13:48,349 --> 00:13:50,600
I've already passed
the kale salad I had.
406
00:13:50,651 --> 00:13:51,651
But, even better?
407
00:13:51,686 --> 00:13:53,570
Your daughter
was delightful company.
408
00:13:53,604 --> 00:13:55,272
Now, I don't want to put you
409
00:13:55,323 --> 00:13:56,907
in an awkward position, but--
410
00:13:56,941 --> 00:13:58,692
You would like
to date my daughter.
411
00:13:58,726 --> 00:13:59,893
Yes!
But you are her father.
412
00:13:59,911 --> 00:14:01,661
And that is a sacred thing.
413
00:14:01,696 --> 00:14:03,864
I would like to spend
the next 2 to 4 days with you
414
00:14:03,898 --> 00:14:05,231
so you can get
to know me better,
415
00:14:05,249 --> 00:14:06,700
to find out if I'm
the kind of person
416
00:14:06,734 --> 00:14:08,418
who's good enough
for your daughter.
417
00:14:08,452 --> 00:14:09,836
Then, you can come with us
418
00:14:09,871 --> 00:14:11,204
on our first 3 to 6 dates--
419
00:14:11,238 --> 00:14:12,205
Chris,
I appreciate the gesture,
420
00:14:12,240 --> 00:14:13,740
it's very nice,
421
00:14:13,758 --> 00:14:15,342
but, Milly,
she's a grown woman,
422
00:14:15,376 --> 00:14:16,877
and of course I trust her.
423
00:14:16,911 --> 00:14:18,678
And I trust you.
424
00:14:18,713 --> 00:14:19,980
Jerry.
425
00:14:20,014 --> 00:14:21,014
Thank you.
426
00:14:26,187 --> 00:14:27,354
Mmm.
427
00:14:27,388 --> 00:14:28,922
Boys, I'm trying
to teach you something
428
00:14:28,940 --> 00:14:32,425
about nature and self-reliance.
429
00:14:32,460 --> 00:14:35,028
Nothing beats hard work
and determination.
430
00:14:35,062 --> 00:14:36,530
Is this
the Pawnee goddesses?
431
00:14:36,564 --> 00:14:37,531
I've got
the puppies you ordered.
432
00:14:37,565 --> 00:14:38,532
Oh!
433
00:14:38,566 --> 00:14:40,200
The puppies
for the puppy party
434
00:14:40,234 --> 00:14:41,401
that we're having
in our cabin?
435
00:14:41,435 --> 00:14:42,402
Those puppies?
436
00:14:42,436 --> 00:14:43,403
What?
437
00:14:43,437 --> 00:14:44,671
Noo!
438
00:14:44,705 --> 00:14:47,273
[Laughing and fawning]
439
00:14:49,626 --> 00:14:52,045
Man, did you buy anything
for yourself today?
440
00:14:52,079 --> 00:14:53,296
Yeah, I got this
pack of socks.
441
00:14:53,331 --> 00:14:54,297
Plain white socks?
442
00:14:54,332 --> 00:14:55,498
That's not a treat!
443
00:14:55,550 --> 00:14:56,499
Donna!
444
00:14:56,551 --> 00:14:57,918
Get me away from him.
445
00:14:57,952 --> 00:15:00,053
Look. Maybe this is our
version of treat yourself day
446
00:15:00,087 --> 00:15:01,555
and he needs to do his version.
447
00:15:01,589 --> 00:15:02,806
What are you talking about?
448
00:15:02,840 --> 00:15:05,225
Wyatt, if you could blow
big money on one thing--
449
00:15:05,259 --> 00:15:06,726
not sock money--
450
00:15:06,761 --> 00:15:09,496
what would it be?
451
00:15:13,801 --> 00:15:15,302
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
452
00:15:15,336 --> 00:15:16,770
This is a whole new
level of nerd.
453
00:15:16,804 --> 00:15:18,605
You're right.
This is ridiculous.
454
00:15:18,639 --> 00:15:19,606
What am I doing?
455
00:15:19,640 --> 00:15:20,607
Wait. No, no, no, no.
456
00:15:20,641 --> 00:15:22,192
I mean that
in a good way, Ben.
457
00:15:22,243 --> 00:15:23,526
Listen to me,
458
00:15:23,578 --> 00:15:25,612
you're part of the
treat yourself team now, okay?
459
00:15:25,646 --> 00:15:27,514
If that costume
somehow makes you happy,
460
00:15:27,548 --> 00:15:29,416
you're gonna buy it.
461
00:15:29,450 --> 00:15:31,534
And you're gonna wear it
out of the store, okay?
462
00:15:31,586 --> 00:15:32,535
You're gonna treat yourself.
463
00:15:32,587 --> 00:15:33,553
Yeah, you know what?
464
00:15:33,588 --> 00:15:34,621
I'm gonna do that.
465
00:15:34,655 --> 00:15:36,155
I'm gonna--
466
00:15:36,173 --> 00:15:37,857
I'm gonna treat myself.
467
00:15:37,892 --> 00:15:39,893
Thanks, you guys.
468
00:15:41,529 --> 00:15:44,631
[Crying]
Thank you.
469
00:15:44,665 --> 00:15:46,499
I really needed this.
470
00:15:46,517 --> 00:15:48,068
[Sobbing]
471
00:15:48,102 --> 00:15:52,038
I'm gonna treat myself.
472
00:15:52,073 --> 00:15:54,808
Uh-oh. Batman's crying.
473
00:15:54,842 --> 00:15:57,043
I am a goddess.
474
00:15:57,078 --> 00:15:59,696
A glorious female warrior.
475
00:15:59,730 --> 00:16:01,448
All:
I am a goddess.
476
00:16:01,482 --> 00:16:04,017
A glorious female warrior.
477
00:16:04,051 --> 00:16:06,236
Queen of all that I survey.
478
00:16:06,287 --> 00:16:09,456
All:
Queen of all that I survey.
479
00:16:09,490 --> 00:16:11,691
Enemies of fairness
and equality,
480
00:16:11,726 --> 00:16:13,576
hear my womanly roar.
481
00:16:13,628 --> 00:16:16,997
All: Enemies of fairness
and equality,
482
00:16:17,031 --> 00:16:19,699
hear my womanly roar.
483
00:16:19,734 --> 00:16:22,035
[Screams]
484
00:16:22,069 --> 00:16:25,305
[All scream]
485
00:16:25,339 --> 00:16:26,706
Congratulations,
you are now goddesses.
486
00:16:26,724 --> 00:16:28,541
Oh, my God!
487
00:16:28,559 --> 00:16:29,542
[Applause and cheers]
488
00:16:29,560 --> 00:16:31,544
Now, have yourselves
489
00:16:31,562 --> 00:16:32,545
a puppy party.
490
00:16:32,563 --> 00:16:34,564
[Puppies barking]
491
00:16:41,221 --> 00:16:42,956
Oh, boy.
492
00:16:46,821 --> 00:16:47,856
Hey.
493
00:16:47,916 --> 00:16:49,717
Can I sit down?
494
00:16:51,652 --> 00:16:54,788
Look, I didn't mean
for this to happen.
495
00:16:54,822 --> 00:16:57,791
I have a lot of respect
for the Pawnee Rangers,
496
00:16:57,825 --> 00:17:00,294
even if they were jerks
five years ago.
497
00:17:00,328 --> 00:17:02,229
You're not a jerk.
498
00:17:02,263 --> 00:17:04,998
You're a good troop leader.
499
00:17:05,033 --> 00:17:07,634
Not for these times I'm not.
500
00:17:07,669 --> 00:17:10,237
It's taken me a while
to see this,
501
00:17:10,271 --> 00:17:12,906
but these kids...
502
00:17:12,941 --> 00:17:15,042
I don't understand 'em.
503
00:17:15,076 --> 00:17:17,344
And they certainly
don't understand me.
504
00:17:17,378 --> 00:17:18,912
That's not true.
505
00:17:18,947 --> 00:17:20,614
No, it is.
506
00:17:20,648 --> 00:17:21,648
And it's okay.
507
00:17:21,683 --> 00:17:23,617
People change.
508
00:17:23,651 --> 00:17:25,686
Their interests change.
509
00:17:25,720 --> 00:17:28,655
It's the way of the world.
510
00:17:28,690 --> 00:17:31,908
When did kids get
so interested in fun?
511
00:17:33,962 --> 00:17:35,412
Ah...
512
00:17:35,463 --> 00:17:38,715
I'm gonna turn in.
513
00:17:38,750 --> 00:17:41,535
You were right, by the way.
514
00:17:41,569 --> 00:17:43,470
Your group is better.
515
00:17:49,811 --> 00:17:51,411
What's wrong?
Out with it.
516
00:17:51,446 --> 00:17:54,948
I was... seeing a woman,
517
00:17:54,983 --> 00:17:57,150
uh, for a while, and then
518
00:17:57,185 --> 00:17:59,353
we stopped seeing each other.
519
00:17:59,387 --> 00:18:01,855
Uh, pretty recently.
520
00:18:01,889 --> 00:18:04,274
That's why you've been
off your game.
521
00:18:04,325 --> 00:18:06,076
Sorry, dog.
522
00:18:06,110 --> 00:18:07,461
You're a catch, Wyatt.
523
00:18:07,495 --> 00:18:09,396
You're gonna be okay.
524
00:18:09,430 --> 00:18:10,931
There's chickenheads
everywhere, Ben.
525
00:18:10,965 --> 00:18:12,332
Chickenheads all around
this mall.
526
00:18:12,367 --> 00:18:14,334
You're gonna find one,
and you're gonna be great.
527
00:18:14,369 --> 00:18:15,335
But, for now,
why don't you let it out?
528
00:18:15,370 --> 00:18:17,371
Treat yourself
to a good cry.
529
00:18:19,090 --> 00:18:20,407
One question, though.
530
00:18:20,441 --> 00:18:22,292
Yeah?
531
00:18:22,343 --> 00:18:25,912
Why so serious?
532
00:18:28,299 --> 00:18:29,266
Wait, I got something.
533
00:18:29,300 --> 00:18:30,267
Oh!
534
00:18:30,301 --> 00:18:32,319
Cool! Awesome! Nice!
535
00:18:32,353 --> 00:18:34,054
Thanks, D-money.
536
00:18:34,088 --> 00:18:35,288
What kind of bait
did you use?
537
00:18:35,323 --> 00:18:37,808
I bought this mackerel
at the supermarket.
538
00:18:37,859 --> 00:18:39,092
I've been standing in the water
539
00:18:39,110 --> 00:18:40,093
with the fish on my hook
540
00:18:40,111 --> 00:18:42,029
for 30 minutes.
541
00:18:42,063 --> 00:18:44,064
I saw it on an episode
I Love Lucy.
542
00:18:44,098 --> 00:18:45,399
Pathetic? Maybe.
543
00:18:45,433 --> 00:18:47,300
But, feels pretty good
to have a bunch of little boys
544
00:18:47,335 --> 00:18:48,902
be super into me.
545
00:18:48,936 --> 00:18:49,903
That came out wrong.
546
00:18:49,937 --> 00:18:51,405
Ron!
547
00:18:51,439 --> 00:18:52,989
Come fish with us!
548
00:18:53,041 --> 00:18:54,908
That's okay.
549
00:18:54,942 --> 00:18:56,827
Seems like you have
things under control.
550
00:18:56,878 --> 00:18:57,944
Come on!
551
00:18:57,962 --> 00:18:59,379
Come do that thing
where you catch one
552
00:18:59,414 --> 00:19:00,547
with your hands!
553
00:19:00,581 --> 00:19:02,516
I've seen him do it,
it's incredible.
554
00:19:02,550 --> 00:19:03,517
Ron, come on!
555
00:19:03,551 --> 00:19:05,752
We need you
to help us have fun!
556
00:19:05,786 --> 00:19:07,454
First annual Leslie Knope
557
00:19:07,488 --> 00:19:09,673
remote control speedboat race!
558
00:19:09,724 --> 00:19:12,492
[Cheering]
559
00:19:12,527 --> 00:19:13,510
See ya Monday.
560
00:19:22,603 --> 00:19:23,687
Jerry.
561
00:19:23,738 --> 00:19:24,804
Where did you come from?
562
00:19:24,822 --> 00:19:26,807
Listen,
as I said earlier,
563
00:19:26,841 --> 00:19:29,159
I want keep everything
above board in regards
564
00:19:29,193 --> 00:19:30,544
to my relationship
with your daughter.
565
00:19:30,578 --> 00:19:33,747
And, as you know, Millicent
and I went out last night.
566
00:19:33,781 --> 00:19:35,449
And... it went terrific.
567
00:19:35,483 --> 00:19:36,533
Chris, that's great,
568
00:19:36,584 --> 00:19:37,534
but you really don't
have to do this.
569
00:19:37,585 --> 00:19:39,536
Again, the date was amazing,
570
00:19:39,587 --> 00:19:42,172
we had sparkling conversation,
571
00:19:42,206 --> 00:19:43,924
and, full disclosure,
572
00:19:43,958 --> 00:19:45,625
she did spend the night
at my house.
573
00:19:45,659 --> 00:19:47,127
Have a great day, Jerry.
574
00:19:54,168 --> 00:19:55,368
What are you doing here?
575
00:19:55,403 --> 00:19:56,803
We're here for the club.
576
00:19:56,837 --> 00:19:58,054
That was last week.
577
00:19:58,106 --> 00:19:59,606
The ad says today.
578
00:19:59,640 --> 00:20:00,640
Ad?
579
00:20:04,512 --> 00:20:06,012
"Are you tough as nails?
580
00:20:06,047 --> 00:20:07,697
" Would you rather sleep
on a bed of pine needles
581
00:20:07,732 --> 00:20:09,082
"than a mattress?
582
00:20:09,117 --> 00:20:10,917
"Do you find
video games pointless
583
00:20:10,952 --> 00:20:13,353
"and shopping malls stupid?
584
00:20:13,387 --> 00:20:15,322
"Do you march to the beat
of your own drummer?
585
00:20:15,356 --> 00:20:18,325
"Did you make the drum yourself?
586
00:20:18,359 --> 00:20:21,411
"If so, you might just have
what it takes to be
587
00:20:21,462 --> 00:20:23,079
"a Swanson.
588
00:20:23,131 --> 00:20:25,882
"Pawnee's most hardcore
outdoor club starts today.
589
00:20:25,917 --> 00:20:28,935
Boys and girls welcome."
590
00:20:31,139 --> 00:20:32,105
Swansons!
591
00:20:32,140 --> 00:20:34,407
Are you prepared
for whatever lies ahead?
592
00:20:34,442 --> 00:20:35,442
All:
Yes, sir.
593
00:20:35,476 --> 00:20:36,560
Before we proceed,
594
00:20:36,594 --> 00:20:39,712
do any of have any
dietary restrictions?
595
00:20:39,730 --> 00:20:41,681
Correct, you do not.
596
00:20:41,715 --> 00:20:43,250
First outing is right now.
597
00:20:43,284 --> 00:20:44,484
I will be teaching you
598
00:20:44,519 --> 00:20:47,103
to dig a proper trench.
599
00:20:47,155 --> 00:20:48,955
Does that sound like
something you want to do?
600
00:20:48,990 --> 00:20:51,424
All:
Yes, sir.
601
00:20:51,459 --> 00:20:53,493
This will be
no fun at all.
602
00:20:56,659 --> 00:20:59,893
The Town of Pawnee invites you
to stay tuned for more Parks & Rec.
603
00:21:00,059 --> 00:21:02,393
And to try our delicious local corn.
604
00:21:04,626 --> 00:21:06,427
[Sighs]
The Internet's not working.
605
00:21:06,461 --> 00:21:07,428
Ben!
606
00:21:07,462 --> 00:21:08,563
We need your help.
607
00:21:08,597 --> 00:21:09,630
Guys, I've told you
how to do it.
608
00:21:09,665 --> 00:21:10,915
You just unplug the router
609
00:21:10,966 --> 00:21:12,583
and then you plug it
back in again.
610
00:21:15,971 --> 00:21:17,255
Guess I'll do it.
611
00:21:22,343 --> 00:21:23,494
Still not working.
612
00:21:23,628 --> 00:21:25,112
Well,
give it a minute. God.
613
00:21:25,147 --> 00:21:27,682
[Sighs]
614
00:21:27,916 --> 00:21:29,283
Okay, it's working.
615
00:21:29,593 --> 00:21:39,360
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
www.tvsubtitles.net