1 00:00:01,672 --> 00:00:02,933 - Morning. - Hey. 2 00:00:02,934 --> 00:00:05,169 Hey, can you approve this new design for the campaign poster? 3 00:00:05,337 --> 00:00:08,071 Oh, Ann, you beautiful, rule-breaking moth. 4 00:00:08,138 --> 00:00:10,874 You know we can't talk about my campaign in here. 5 00:00:10,941 --> 00:00:12,041 Seriously? 6 00:00:12,109 --> 00:00:14,110 It's a "yes" or "no" question. 7 00:00:14,178 --> 00:00:15,612 When you're running for office, 8 00:00:15,680 --> 00:00:18,014 there are, like, a million rules of what you can and cannot do. 9 00:00:18,582 --> 00:00:19,249 Yes. 10 00:00:19,316 --> 00:00:20,584 And because I work for the government, 11 00:00:20,651 --> 00:00:22,885 I am not allowed to do anything campaign-related 12 00:00:22,952 --> 00:00:24,854 inside a government building. 13 00:00:24,921 --> 00:00:26,422 Boss, I need your Herbie Hancock on this. 14 00:00:26,490 --> 00:00:28,290 - Outside. - [Sighs] 15 00:00:28,358 --> 00:00:29,859 It's kind of a pain in the ass. 16 00:00:29,926 --> 00:00:33,262 But it's great exercise... But it's a pain in the ass. 17 00:00:33,329 --> 00:00:35,097 So Perd Hapley wants to do Thursday now. 18 00:00:35,098 --> 00:00:35,731 Fine. 19 00:00:35,799 --> 00:00:36,999 Did you finish the maintenance report? 20 00:00:37,066 --> 00:00:38,267 I did not finish it, but I will finish it. 21 00:00:38,334 --> 00:00:39,166 So wait, what was your question again? 22 00:00:39,234 --> 00:00:40,268 The slogan? 23 00:00:40,335 --> 00:00:41,335 Okay, can I just come out there, 24 00:00:41,404 --> 00:00:42,737 so we can talk about everything? 25 00:00:42,805 --> 00:00:44,906 No, April, I need to keep my work separate, okay? 26 00:00:44,973 --> 00:00:47,308 Just think of it like a fun game. 27 00:00:47,376 --> 00:00:49,611 Parks is inside. Campaign is outside. 28 00:00:49,678 --> 00:00:51,345 Parks is inside. Campaign's outside. 29 00:00:51,414 --> 00:00:52,480 Ooh, you know what would make it more fun? 30 00:00:52,548 --> 00:00:53,882 - What? - Oh, my God, this. 31 00:00:53,949 --> 00:00:56,182 [Gasps] 32 00:00:56,950 --> 00:00:57,885 April. 33 00:00:57,952 --> 00:01:01,021 [Triumphant music] Sync by Alice | www.addic7ed.com 34 00:01:01,022 --> 00:01:03,622 ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ Sync by Alice | www.addic7ed.com 35 00:01:18,138 --> 00:01:19,672 It's time, Leslie. 36 00:01:20,240 --> 00:01:22,675 You have to take a leave of absence from the department. 37 00:01:22,743 --> 00:01:24,343 Ron, that is ridiculous. 38 00:01:24,411 --> 00:01:26,778 - We've talked about this. - No, you've talked about it, 39 00:01:26,846 --> 00:01:28,346 and I've ignored it, because it is ridiculous. 40 00:01:28,414 --> 00:01:31,583 Need I remind you that even if I win the election, 41 00:01:31,651 --> 00:01:33,518 I can still work at the Parks department. 44 00:01:37,590 --> 00:01:40,291 Right now you're working 50 hours a week here 45 00:01:40,359 --> 00:01:42,126 and 50 hours a week on the campaign. 46 00:01:42,194 --> 00:01:43,561 Well, I have time to spare. 47 00:01:43,628 --> 00:01:46,931 I'm also volunteering at "Wheels For Meals On Wheels." 48 00:01:46,998 --> 00:01:49,333 We repair vans for "Meals On Wheels." 49 00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:52,069 You're a month behind on everything. 50 00:01:52,136 --> 00:01:54,371 You forgot to file the weekly Parks Maintenance report. 51 00:01:54,439 --> 00:01:56,574 You do it every week, and you forgot. 52 00:01:56,641 --> 00:01:58,175 Things are falling through the cracks. 53 00:01:58,242 --> 00:02:00,844 I'm pretty sure you've worn that sweater four days in a row. 54 00:02:00,911 --> 00:02:03,513 Or I own four identical versions of the same sweater. 55 00:02:03,581 --> 00:02:05,515 No, you don't, there's an old lollipop 56 00:02:05,583 --> 00:02:07,049 that's been stuck to the back since Tuesday. 57 00:02:08,517 --> 00:02:09,555 [Chuckles] 58 00:02:09,617 --> 00:02:11,855 That's the style now, Ron. 59 00:02:11,922 --> 00:02:13,957 It's called "lollipopping." 60 00:02:14,024 --> 00:02:15,524 All the kids are doing it. 61 00:02:15,592 --> 00:02:16,959 Leslie, you need to take a sabbatical. 62 00:02:17,026 --> 00:02:18,494 Okay. You know what, Ron? 63 00:02:18,561 --> 00:02:19,828 I accept your apology, 64 00:02:19,896 --> 00:02:21,763 I will not take a sabbatical, as we agreed, 65 00:02:21,831 --> 00:02:24,833 and we will never discuss this again. 66 00:02:25,651 --> 00:02:28,003 Sorry, Ann. You can't open this gift. 67 00:02:28,070 --> 00:02:29,671 It's for the most beautiful girl in Pawnee. 68 00:02:29,739 --> 00:02:30,806 [Gasps] 69 00:02:30,939 --> 00:02:32,106 Hold up, hold up, hold up. 70 00:02:32,173 --> 00:02:34,845 Hold up, hold up, wait. That's you. 71 00:02:37,913 --> 00:02:39,146 Wow. 72 00:02:39,214 --> 00:02:41,248 Yeah, and look, I got one too. 73 00:02:41,316 --> 00:02:42,750 Matching His and Hers. 74 00:02:42,818 --> 00:02:44,819 So I'm "Tommy's girl," and you're just "Tom"? 75 00:02:44,887 --> 00:02:46,586 Why not "Ann's man"? 76 00:02:46,654 --> 00:02:49,088 [Chuckles] Nobody owns me, cupcake, not even you. 77 00:02:49,156 --> 00:02:51,424 You can either burn these hats in a fire, 78 00:02:51,492 --> 00:02:53,092 or you can use a blowtorch. 79 00:02:53,160 --> 00:02:55,061 How about this option? 80 00:02:55,129 --> 00:02:57,096 - We put the hats on-- - Don't say it. 81 00:02:57,164 --> 00:02:59,367 We take everything else off. 82 00:03:01,435 --> 00:03:04,236 These Kangol hats are exactly like the one 83 00:03:04,303 --> 00:03:06,471 Samuel L. Jackson wore to the Latin Grammys. 84 00:03:06,540 --> 00:03:08,340 - How could she not like them? - I don't know. 85 00:03:08,408 --> 00:03:11,376 It's like somehow everything I do with her is wrong. 86 00:03:11,444 --> 00:03:14,479 Dude, seriously, leave me out of this. 87 00:03:14,548 --> 00:03:15,781 I kind of set up Tom and Ann, 88 00:03:15,849 --> 00:03:18,017 and now they won't stop asking me for advice, 89 00:03:18,084 --> 00:03:20,184 which is a really bad move on their part, 90 00:03:20,252 --> 00:03:24,121 because I really don't care what happens to them... 91 00:03:24,189 --> 00:03:25,857 Or anyone. 92 00:03:25,925 --> 00:03:26,991 [Knock at door] 93 00:03:27,059 --> 00:03:29,226 Champion! Hey, bud. 94 00:03:29,294 --> 00:03:30,962 I missed you. 95 00:03:31,030 --> 00:03:32,496 Thank you so much. I hope he wasn't a handful. 96 00:03:32,565 --> 00:03:34,165 Not in the slightest. 97 00:03:34,232 --> 00:03:38,401 As the Germans would say, "er ist ein wunder hund." 98 00:03:38,469 --> 00:03:40,370 - He is a wonder dog. - Oh. 99 00:03:40,438 --> 00:03:41,438 The dog training course I took 100 00:03:41,505 --> 00:03:42,773 was conducted entirely in German, 101 00:03:42,840 --> 00:03:45,141 and so now I'm fluent in German... 102 00:03:45,209 --> 00:03:46,710 Words relating to dogs. 103 00:03:46,778 --> 00:03:48,344 April and Andy went away for the night, 104 00:03:48,412 --> 00:03:50,447 and I looked after Champion here. 105 00:03:50,514 --> 00:03:51,747 He's a mutt. 106 00:03:51,815 --> 00:03:54,951 Half amazing, half terrific. 107 00:03:55,018 --> 00:03:58,153 Ich bin ein three-legged dog. 108 00:03:58,221 --> 00:03:59,655 Well, I took him to PetSmart. 109 00:03:59,723 --> 00:04:01,223 I got him various toys, 110 00:04:01,291 --> 00:04:04,560 got him shots, got him groomed, and gave him plenty of exercise. 111 00:04:04,628 --> 00:04:05,527 He's healthier than ever. 112 00:04:05,596 --> 00:04:07,762 Wait, did his leg grow back? 113 00:04:07,830 --> 00:04:10,098 Aw, no, no. That's okay. 114 00:04:10,165 --> 00:04:11,633 - Andy, if I may-- - Yes. 115 00:04:11,701 --> 00:04:13,534 Dogs tend to take on the personalities 116 00:04:13,603 --> 00:04:15,169 - of their owners-- - Mm-hmm. 117 00:04:15,237 --> 00:04:16,905 So if you were to sit on your couch all day 118 00:04:16,973 --> 00:04:18,940 watching cartoons and eating nothing but Cheetos, 119 00:04:19,008 --> 00:04:19,975 that's what he would want to do too. 120 00:04:20,042 --> 00:04:21,142 [Chuckles] Who wouldn't? 121 00:04:21,210 --> 00:04:23,011 That sounds like an amazing day, right? 122 00:04:23,079 --> 00:04:25,279 Okay, well, thanks. [Sighs] 123 00:04:25,347 --> 00:04:27,248 Bye, Champion. 124 00:04:27,816 --> 00:04:29,016 Morning, Leslie. 125 00:04:29,084 --> 00:04:30,884 [Laughs] Jerry, take that shirt off. 126 00:04:30,952 --> 00:04:32,386 You look ridiculous. 127 00:04:32,454 --> 00:04:36,957 Gayle gave me this shirt yesterday as a birthday present. 128 00:04:37,025 --> 00:04:38,692 Oh, my God, Jerry. 129 00:04:38,760 --> 00:04:40,494 I can't believe I forgot your birthday. 130 00:04:40,561 --> 00:04:41,928 Leslie, it is okay. 131 00:04:41,996 --> 00:04:43,863 I mean, let's face it, it's a tough one to remember. 132 00:04:43,931 --> 00:04:46,266 My birthday is February 29th, 133 00:04:46,334 --> 00:04:49,169 so I only get one real birthday, you know, once every four years. 134 00:04:49,237 --> 00:04:51,438 But it's great because my wife Gayle 135 00:04:51,506 --> 00:04:52,772 makes such a big deal out of it. 136 00:04:52,840 --> 00:04:54,274 We go, we split a huge piece 137 00:04:54,342 --> 00:04:55,641 of cotton candy cheesecake 138 00:04:55,708 --> 00:04:57,309 from Cakey J's Cheesecake Facility. 139 00:04:57,377 --> 00:05:00,279 And then, well, we hold hands for a while. 140 00:05:00,347 --> 00:05:02,314 We listen to some Anita Baker. 141 00:05:02,382 --> 00:05:06,018 She meets up with some friends, and I turn in early. 142 00:05:06,085 --> 00:05:08,420 This is unacceptable. Birthdays are important. 143 00:05:08,488 --> 00:05:09,821 I'm so sorry we forgot yours. 144 00:05:09,889 --> 00:05:12,257 I guess it just slipped through the cracks. 145 00:05:12,824 --> 00:05:14,692 Yes, I guess it did. 146 00:05:14,760 --> 00:05:17,362 Anyway, Happy Birthday to Jerry. 147 00:05:17,429 --> 00:05:19,497 You are a kind and wonderful soul. 148 00:05:20,065 --> 00:05:20,898 Thank you. 149 00:05:20,966 --> 00:05:22,800 Also I need you to do some fecal contamination testing 150 00:05:22,868 --> 00:05:24,602 - at the reservoir. - Now? 151 00:05:24,670 --> 00:05:25,936 Yes, go get a kit from maintenance, 152 00:05:26,004 --> 00:05:27,404 and I need you to check the water for bird dung. 153 00:05:27,472 --> 00:05:28,805 Can I at least grab the gloves? 154 00:05:28,873 --> 00:05:30,140 Jerry, what are you doing standing here? 155 00:05:30,208 --> 00:05:33,343 - Our water has poop in it. - Oh, my God. 156 00:05:33,411 --> 00:05:36,046 Now Jerry is turning 64 this year. 157 00:05:36,113 --> 00:05:38,948 - He's only 64? - 64 divided by 4 is-- 158 00:05:39,016 --> 00:05:40,417 - 16. - 64. 159 00:05:40,485 --> 00:05:43,319 So we're gonna throw him a Sweet 16 surprise party. 160 00:05:43,387 --> 00:05:45,120 It's gonna be very special. 161 00:05:45,189 --> 00:05:48,558 - The usual, cake and pop? - No, April, the unusual. 162 00:05:48,625 --> 00:05:50,560 - Fish and pop. - No. 163 00:05:50,627 --> 00:05:52,361 - Cake and fish. - No, no fish. 164 00:05:52,429 --> 00:05:55,431 Jerry only gets a real birthday every four years. 165 00:05:55,499 --> 00:05:56,832 And four years from now, who knows? 166 00:05:56,900 --> 00:05:59,301 He might be retired... Or dead. 167 00:05:59,368 --> 00:06:00,669 Let's start a pool. 168 00:06:00,736 --> 00:06:01,769 Who wants retied? Who wants dead? 169 00:06:01,837 --> 00:06:02,804 - Dead. - No. 170 00:06:02,871 --> 00:06:04,439 - I got one dead. - No. 171 00:06:04,507 --> 00:06:05,607 [Cell phone rings] 172 00:06:05,675 --> 00:06:07,209 - You need to take that? - Mm, no. 173 00:06:07,276 --> 00:06:09,744 The campaign can wait, 'cause this is official Parks business. 174 00:06:09,812 --> 00:06:12,146 Donna, can we use your lake house? 175 00:06:12,215 --> 00:06:13,815 How did you know about that? 176 00:06:13,882 --> 00:06:15,416 My family has a lake house up in the foothills, 177 00:06:15,483 --> 00:06:17,318 but we keep it quiet. 178 00:06:17,385 --> 00:06:20,287 We're not big on hospitality. 179 00:06:20,355 --> 00:06:22,523 The Meagles are a cold people. 180 00:06:22,591 --> 00:06:23,857 Can we use your house? 181 00:06:24,925 --> 00:06:26,827 I suppose. 182 00:06:26,894 --> 00:06:28,362 Bring your own towels. 183 00:06:29,430 --> 00:06:30,598 Wow, Donna. 184 00:06:30,665 --> 00:06:32,365 This place is beautiful. 185 00:06:32,433 --> 00:06:35,134 Yes, it is, and it will stay that way. 186 00:06:35,202 --> 00:06:38,337 These are the house rules. No dirty shoes in the house. 187 00:06:38,404 --> 00:06:40,206 Upstairs is Meagle space only. 188 00:06:40,274 --> 00:06:44,377 And if you listen closely, that is the bubbling of the hot tub. 189 00:06:44,445 --> 00:06:46,246 You do not have access to it. 190 00:06:46,313 --> 00:06:50,482 If you follow these rules, we won't have a problem. 191 00:06:50,550 --> 00:06:52,951 Oh, my God. 192 00:06:53,018 --> 00:06:56,087 - Is that Ginuwine? - Mm-hmm. 193 00:06:56,155 --> 00:06:57,822 Why do you have Ginuwine's platinum record 194 00:06:57,890 --> 00:06:59,324 on your wall? 195 00:06:59,392 --> 00:07:02,694 Why do you have a photo of you with Ginuwine at some place? 196 00:07:02,762 --> 00:07:05,195 Oh, have I never talked about this before? 197 00:07:05,264 --> 00:07:06,330 Ginuwine's my cousin. 198 00:07:07,648 --> 00:07:08,832 Ginuwine? 199 00:07:08,900 --> 00:07:11,869 The Ginuwine is your cousin? 200 00:07:11,936 --> 00:07:13,337 How do I not know this? 201 00:07:13,405 --> 00:07:16,774 Who's Ginuwine? 202 00:07:16,841 --> 00:07:20,510 Ginuwine? 203 00:07:20,578 --> 00:07:24,881 Ginuwine is Ginuwine. He's Ginuwine. 204 00:07:24,948 --> 00:07:26,716 Saying his name over and over again is not going to help me. 205 00:07:26,784 --> 00:07:28,485 He's an R&B singer. 206 00:07:28,552 --> 00:07:30,754 Pony, Differences. 207 00:07:30,821 --> 00:07:32,955 Do you really not know who Ginuwine is? 208 00:07:33,023 --> 00:07:34,658 I know that he's Donna's cousin. 209 00:07:35,225 --> 00:07:37,259 When I'm dating someone, I have a list 210 00:07:37,327 --> 00:07:38,761 called my "oh-no-nos." 211 00:07:38,828 --> 00:07:41,764 A woman commits an "oh-no-no," it can end the relationship. 212 00:07:41,831 --> 00:07:44,733 Not loving '90s R&B music 213 00:07:44,801 --> 00:07:48,970 is number three on the "oh-no-nos" list. 214 00:07:49,038 --> 00:07:50,906 Girl doesn't even know who Ginuwine is. 215 00:07:51,473 --> 00:07:53,240 Hey, boy. How was the ride? 216 00:07:53,508 --> 00:07:55,475 Oh, hey, you want me to show you something? 217 00:07:55,476 --> 00:07:56,243 Okay. 218 00:07:56,312 --> 00:07:57,712 - [Speaks german] - [Barks] 219 00:07:57,780 --> 00:07:59,348 Platz. 220 00:07:59,780 --> 00:08:01,048 Steh Auf. 221 00:08:01,116 --> 00:08:04,185 See, it's pretty cool, huh? Would you like me to teach you? 222 00:08:04,252 --> 00:08:06,954 Uh, whatever. I mean, anybody can do that. 223 00:08:07,022 --> 00:08:12,192 [Speaking gibberish] 224 00:08:13,928 --> 00:08:15,529 Toxic. Merkel. 225 00:08:15,596 --> 00:08:16,996 - Merkel. - What is "Merkel"? 226 00:08:17,064 --> 00:08:19,566 She's the Chancellor of Germany. 227 00:08:19,634 --> 00:08:22,235 Not only more jobs but better jobs. 228 00:08:22,303 --> 00:08:25,705 I just did a phone interview while simultaneously 229 00:08:25,772 --> 00:08:28,274 decorating this house for Jerry's surprise party. 230 00:08:28,342 --> 00:08:31,845 Totally multitasking, totally on top of all of it. 231 00:08:31,912 --> 00:08:35,014 Crow for dinner tonight, Mr. Swanson? 232 00:08:35,082 --> 00:08:37,250 Okay, we are locked and loaded. 233 00:08:37,318 --> 00:08:39,118 Music is ready. Slideshow is prepped. 234 00:08:39,186 --> 00:08:41,720 - April, when does Jerry arrive? - How would I know? 235 00:08:42,287 --> 00:08:43,555 Who was supposed to invite Jerry? 236 00:08:44,122 --> 00:08:46,624 Guys, someone was supposed to invite Jerry. 237 00:08:46,692 --> 00:08:48,961 It's his surp-- 238 00:08:49,028 --> 00:08:52,530 Crap, it was me. I forgot to invite Jerry. 239 00:08:55,903 --> 00:08:57,372 You need to take a sabbatical. 240 00:08:57,373 --> 00:08:59,006 I'm not taking a sabbatical. 241 00:08:59,074 --> 00:09:00,508 Is this because I forgot to invite Jerry 242 00:09:00,576 --> 00:09:03,178 - to his own birthday party? - It did seem like an oversight. 243 00:09:03,245 --> 00:09:05,113 I have a prediction, Ron. By the end of the night, 244 00:09:05,181 --> 00:09:07,081 you are going to take a bite of Jerry's cake, 245 00:09:07,148 --> 00:09:09,984 which incidentally, we need to pick up on the way home, 246 00:09:10,051 --> 00:09:13,620 and you are gonna say, "sabbatical, schmabbatical. 247 00:09:13,688 --> 00:09:16,390 Leslie can do it all. She's the best, and I'm stupid." 248 00:09:17,458 --> 00:09:18,993 That does sound like me. 249 00:09:19,660 --> 00:09:23,029 Hey. Here's a fun game. 250 00:09:23,097 --> 00:09:26,432 Let's talk minimum acceptable thread count for sheets. 251 00:09:26,500 --> 00:09:29,268 - Ooh, that does sound fun. - Stop me when I hit it. 252 00:09:29,336 --> 00:09:31,804 1,000... 253 00:09:31,871 --> 00:09:33,239 800... 254 00:09:34,307 --> 00:09:36,442 700... 255 00:09:37,710 --> 00:09:38,844 600? 256 00:09:38,912 --> 00:09:40,979 Ann, I'm at 600. Are you really not stopping me? 257 00:09:41,046 --> 00:09:42,647 I have those cotton t-shirt sheets. 258 00:09:42,715 --> 00:09:44,782 Huh? 259 00:09:44,850 --> 00:09:46,518 It's always the most beautiful ladies 260 00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:49,187 who hurt you the worst. 261 00:09:49,255 --> 00:09:51,590 She's never seen a single Paul Walker movie? 262 00:09:51,657 --> 00:09:53,057 That's a huge "oh-no-no." 263 00:09:53,126 --> 00:09:56,193 She also "doesn't care" about Blu-ray? 264 00:09:56,261 --> 00:09:58,562 - She's a monster. - April, this is serious. 265 00:09:58,630 --> 00:10:00,331 I might have to break up with Ann. 266 00:10:00,398 --> 00:10:02,233 Yeah, well, then break up with her. 267 00:10:02,300 --> 00:10:03,900 [Sighs] But she's my dream girl. 268 00:10:03,968 --> 00:10:05,136 Then don't break up with her. 269 00:10:05,203 --> 00:10:06,504 Except she hates everything I like. 270 00:10:06,571 --> 00:10:09,072 I own more pairs of Uggs than she does. 271 00:10:09,141 --> 00:10:11,574 I was getting kind of sick of listening 272 00:10:11,642 --> 00:10:13,909 to Tom and Ann talk about their relationship, 273 00:10:13,977 --> 00:10:16,949 but then I remembered that alcohol existed. 274 00:10:21,017 --> 00:10:22,685 Thank you, alcohol. 275 00:10:22,753 --> 00:10:24,320 [Knock at door] 276 00:10:24,388 --> 00:10:26,222 Jerry? Jerry. 277 00:10:26,290 --> 00:10:28,089 [Scoffs] Where the hell could he be? 278 00:10:28,158 --> 00:10:29,824 Maybe someone else had a surprise party 279 00:10:29,892 --> 00:10:31,160 and actually remembered to invite him. 280 00:10:31,227 --> 00:10:34,095 [Alarm beeps] 281 00:10:34,164 --> 00:10:35,063 Jerry? 282 00:10:35,131 --> 00:10:36,865 Jerry. 283 00:10:36,932 --> 00:10:38,300 Jerry? 284 00:10:38,368 --> 00:10:41,336 Jerry! Come on in. 285 00:10:41,404 --> 00:10:43,437 - [Gasps] Oh, God. - Leslie. 286 00:10:43,505 --> 00:10:45,173 Hello, Jerry. 287 00:10:45,240 --> 00:10:47,575 Jerry, why did you call us in here? 288 00:10:47,643 --> 00:10:49,277 Well, because I thought you were Gayle. 289 00:10:49,344 --> 00:10:50,744 What are you doing in my bathroom? 290 00:10:50,812 --> 00:10:53,714 Yes, Leslie, what are we doing in Jerry's bathroom? 291 00:10:53,782 --> 00:10:55,849 There is a Parks emergency 292 00:10:55,917 --> 00:10:58,085 that only you can help us solve, 293 00:10:58,153 --> 00:10:59,619 so we need you to get out of the tub. 294 00:10:59,687 --> 00:11:00,853 Let's get going. 295 00:11:00,921 --> 00:11:03,490 O-okay, jes--w-- I gotta get dressed. 296 00:11:03,558 --> 00:11:05,458 - No, there's no time. - There's time, Jerry. 297 00:11:05,526 --> 00:11:06,893 Get dressed. [Groans] 298 00:11:06,960 --> 00:11:08,861 Okay, well, what is the big emergency? 299 00:11:08,929 --> 00:11:11,565 Oh, did we lose more seniors in the woods? 300 00:11:11,632 --> 00:11:12,699 No, it's a sinkhole, right? 301 00:11:12,766 --> 00:11:14,767 Crap on a catapult. 302 00:11:14,835 --> 00:11:17,369 They screwed up my campaign signs. 303 00:11:17,437 --> 00:11:18,504 Now I gotta deal with this. 304 00:11:18,572 --> 00:11:20,038 Okay, but what about the sinkhole? 305 00:11:20,106 --> 00:11:22,908 Don't worry, Leslie will deal with this and the sinkhole. 306 00:11:22,975 --> 00:11:25,377 Right, Leslie? 307 00:11:25,445 --> 00:11:27,413 Yes, Ron. I will, Ron. 308 00:11:27,480 --> 00:11:30,082 And I shall do it with aplomb. 309 00:11:30,649 --> 00:11:32,217 What the hell is wrong with Tom? 310 00:11:32,534 --> 00:11:33,351 Don't know. 311 00:11:33,419 --> 00:11:36,054 It's like I'm dating some idiotic game show host. 312 00:11:36,122 --> 00:11:39,191 He is driving me crazy with these stupid questions. 313 00:11:39,258 --> 00:11:40,291 Well, soon it won't matter. 314 00:11:41,759 --> 00:11:42,694 Why? What did he tell you? 315 00:11:42,762 --> 00:11:43,929 Nothing. 316 00:11:44,496 --> 00:11:46,765 Wait, is he gonna break up with me? 317 00:11:46,833 --> 00:11:48,766 I don't know. I'm-- 318 00:11:48,834 --> 00:11:51,135 No, no, no, no, no, no. No. 319 00:11:51,203 --> 00:11:52,469 That's not how this ends, okay? 320 00:11:53,037 --> 00:11:55,172 I break up with him. 321 00:11:55,990 --> 00:11:58,976 I think I will celebrate with a drink. 322 00:12:00,044 --> 00:12:01,378 Quit pulling. 323 00:12:01,446 --> 00:12:03,347 Fine, I'll let you off the leash. 324 00:12:04,414 --> 00:12:05,749 - Andy. - What the [Bleep], dude? 325 00:12:05,816 --> 00:12:07,117 Where did you come from? 326 00:12:07,184 --> 00:12:08,718 I think that Champion should stay on his leash. 327 00:12:08,786 --> 00:12:11,387 There's unfamiliar terrain and strange smells. 328 00:12:11,455 --> 00:12:13,256 No, leashes are just for dogs that bite people. 329 00:12:13,323 --> 00:12:14,690 That's not true. 330 00:12:14,759 --> 00:12:17,560 Chris, Champion's my dog, okay? 331 00:12:17,628 --> 00:12:18,995 He's not going anywhere. 332 00:12:19,063 --> 00:12:21,830 Sometimes you just have to let a dog be a dog. 333 00:12:21,898 --> 00:12:23,866 He'll be all right. 334 00:12:25,433 --> 00:12:26,903 Champion! 335 00:12:28,971 --> 00:12:30,538 He'll come back. 336 00:12:30,606 --> 00:12:32,841 So as you can imagine, we would never have ordered 337 00:12:32,909 --> 00:12:35,210 a sign with all this complicated nonsense 338 00:12:35,278 --> 00:12:37,444 because, you know, we're not insane. 339 00:12:37,512 --> 00:12:39,380 See right here on the order form? 340 00:12:39,447 --> 00:12:41,983 - It says, "http://--" - Mm-hmm. 341 00:12:42,050 --> 00:12:44,685 - "www.knope2012--" - I can read the sign. 342 00:12:44,753 --> 00:12:47,155 - It does. - ".com/imagescmyk/--" 343 00:12:47,222 --> 00:12:51,392 - well, but this isn't what-- - "page/carnpaignlqty100123--" 344 00:12:51,459 --> 00:12:52,558 You don't need to read the whole thing. 345 00:12:52,626 --> 00:12:54,460 - "9u/09230023--" - Mm-hmm. 346 00:12:54,528 --> 00:12:56,129 "099twposter--" 347 00:12:56,197 --> 00:12:59,099 - it does say that. - ".jpeg." 348 00:12:59,167 --> 00:13:01,067 Jpeg. Yes, Walter, it does say that. 349 00:13:01,135 --> 00:13:04,604 You're right, but using basic logic and human intelligence, 350 00:13:04,672 --> 00:13:08,440 one can surmise that this is a link to an image. 351 00:13:08,508 --> 00:13:10,676 This isn't what we wanted printed on the signs. 352 00:13:10,743 --> 00:13:12,178 Whatever's on the order form I print. 353 00:13:12,245 --> 00:13:15,580 In this case, it was a long string of letters and numbers. 354 00:13:15,648 --> 00:13:17,316 Can I just sh--show you something here? There you go. 355 00:13:17,383 --> 00:13:18,450 That's highly against protocol. 356 00:13:18,518 --> 00:13:19,919 Well, here, look. 357 00:13:19,986 --> 00:13:22,421 That's a good sign. 358 00:13:22,488 --> 00:13:24,588 You should've used that. 359 00:13:24,656 --> 00:13:27,125 You told April you were breaking up with me? 360 00:13:27,193 --> 00:13:30,328 Ann, we consistently disagree on "who wore it best." 361 00:13:30,395 --> 00:13:32,396 You still use an iPad one. 362 00:13:32,464 --> 00:13:34,966 You read books all the time. 363 00:13:35,034 --> 00:13:37,501 Okay, how about my "oh-no-nos" for you? 364 00:13:37,569 --> 00:13:40,403 You make me see terrible movies, and then you talk through them. 365 00:13:40,471 --> 00:13:43,673 "You put 20" rims on your volkswagen golf, 366 00:13:43,741 --> 00:13:45,608 and you insist on being introduced 367 00:13:45,676 --> 00:13:47,377 as "the brown Gosling." 368 00:13:47,445 --> 00:13:51,048 Everything you just said makes me like me more. 369 00:13:51,115 --> 00:13:53,750 I can't take it any more, okay? I'm breaking you up. 370 00:13:53,818 --> 00:13:54,885 You guys are done. 371 00:13:54,953 --> 00:13:57,920 - Fine with me. - Fine, fine. 372 00:13:57,988 --> 00:14:00,056 - Oh, April. - I'm drunk. 373 00:14:00,123 --> 00:14:04,060 You made me drunk, you made me drunk, and you-- 374 00:14:04,127 --> 00:14:07,063 - No, no. Give it a rest. - [Grunts] I need it. 375 00:14:07,130 --> 00:14:07,997 - Okay. - Fine. 376 00:14:08,065 --> 00:14:09,431 Let's get you to bed. 377 00:14:09,499 --> 00:14:11,000 You know, why are you guys even fighting anyway? 378 00:14:11,068 --> 00:14:12,267 It's so stupid. 379 00:14:12,335 --> 00:14:14,402 "I hate Ann because of this stupid reason." 380 00:14:14,470 --> 00:14:15,971 "And I hate Tom for this stupid reason." 381 00:14:16,038 --> 00:14:17,138 Who cares? 382 00:14:17,206 --> 00:14:19,540 - You want some help? - No, I got it. 383 00:14:19,608 --> 00:14:21,809 Well, we did everything, Ron. We got new signs. 384 00:14:21,878 --> 00:14:23,211 We put them in people's yards. 385 00:14:23,279 --> 00:14:26,248 We got Jerry for the surprise-- sinkhole emergency. 386 00:14:26,315 --> 00:14:28,315 And, uh, we briefly ran out of gas, 387 00:14:28,383 --> 00:14:29,516 and then we walked to the gas station. 388 00:14:29,584 --> 00:14:31,285 We got more gas, and now we're all good. 389 00:14:31,353 --> 00:14:33,319 Yep, you truly are attempting to do it all. 390 00:14:33,320 --> 00:14:34,121 Thank you. 391 00:14:34,189 --> 00:14:35,990 We didn't get to the drug store for my liver medication. 392 00:14:36,057 --> 00:14:37,291 Well, you should've thought about that 393 00:14:37,359 --> 00:14:39,059 before we dragged you out of the bath, Jerry. 394 00:14:39,127 --> 00:14:40,527 Yeah. 395 00:14:40,595 --> 00:14:42,662 Okay, wait a second. 396 00:14:42,730 --> 00:14:43,897 This is clearly not a sinkhole problem. 397 00:14:43,964 --> 00:14:45,131 What's going on? 398 00:14:45,199 --> 00:14:46,966 Jerry, as soon as we open this door, 399 00:14:47,034 --> 00:14:49,037 everything will become clear. 400 00:14:51,605 --> 00:14:52,705 Surprise! 401 00:14:52,773 --> 00:14:54,510 Oh, what the [Bleep]? 402 00:14:57,477 --> 00:14:58,611 Surprise. 403 00:15:00,388 --> 00:15:01,823 Where the hell is everybody? 404 00:15:01,888 --> 00:15:03,323 Well, it got so late. 405 00:15:03,390 --> 00:15:05,291 We just weren't sure you were still coming. 406 00:15:05,359 --> 00:15:08,928 Everybody's either in bed or out looking for Champion. 407 00:15:08,996 --> 00:15:10,196 Oh, yeah. Champion ran away. 408 00:15:10,264 --> 00:15:12,132 - Wake everybody up. - Leslie. 409 00:15:12,199 --> 00:15:13,366 No, I am not gonna let this fall apart. 410 00:15:13,434 --> 00:15:14,766 We are gonna throw Jerry 411 00:15:14,834 --> 00:15:17,702 an amazing Sweet 16 surprise party 412 00:15:17,770 --> 00:15:21,006 no matter how agonizing it is for all of us. 413 00:15:21,573 --> 00:15:23,208 That's the spirit. 414 00:15:23,276 --> 00:15:25,043 - Champion. - Champion! 415 00:15:25,111 --> 00:15:27,446 Champion, come here, boy. 416 00:15:27,514 --> 00:15:29,681 I have an organic, gluten-free soy bone for you. 417 00:15:29,749 --> 00:15:31,482 Champion! 418 00:15:31,550 --> 00:15:34,485 Chris, there's something I have to tell you. 419 00:15:35,203 --> 00:15:37,487 - I ate one of your soy bones. - Really? 420 00:15:37,555 --> 00:15:39,022 Yeah, it was really good. 421 00:15:39,089 --> 00:15:40,557 I was gonna give it to Champion, 422 00:15:40,625 --> 00:15:43,360 but it just-- it looked so yummy. 423 00:15:43,427 --> 00:15:46,829 The point is, I'm a terrible dog owner. 424 00:15:46,897 --> 00:15:48,632 And I think, if we find Champion, 425 00:15:48,699 --> 00:15:49,932 you should keep him. 426 00:15:50,500 --> 00:15:53,935 Andy, if it wasn't for you and April, 427 00:15:54,003 --> 00:15:55,437 Champion would still be back at the pound. 428 00:15:55,505 --> 00:15:58,340 You gave him a home. That's amazing. 429 00:15:58,408 --> 00:16:00,842 And he's your dog. 430 00:16:00,910 --> 00:16:02,611 If you just call out his name, he will come to you. 431 00:16:02,679 --> 00:16:04,480 What--no, he won't 'cause I've been trying it, 432 00:16:04,548 --> 00:16:06,582 and it didn't work. 433 00:16:06,650 --> 00:16:08,350 I think he likes your music. 434 00:16:08,418 --> 00:16:09,450 Why don't you sing to him? 435 00:16:09,518 --> 00:16:11,018 Really? I don't have my guitar. 436 00:16:11,086 --> 00:16:12,453 - I usually-- - Come on. 437 00:16:12,521 --> 00:16:16,524 [Whispers] I feel naked without it, okay. 438 00:16:16,592 --> 00:16:21,496 ♪♪♪ Champion, you're lost ♪♪♪ 439 00:16:21,564 --> 00:16:23,698 ♪♪♪ and soon you'll be found ♪♪♪ 440 00:16:23,765 --> 00:16:28,468 ♪♪♪ I rescued you from the pound, 441 00:16:28,536 --> 00:16:30,237 ♪♪♪ something something ♪♪♪ 442 00:16:30,305 --> 00:16:32,339 ♪♪♪ oh man ♪♪♪ 443 00:16:32,407 --> 00:16:34,408 ♪♪♪ on the ground ♪♪♪ 444 00:16:34,475 --> 00:16:37,010 ♪♪♪ get on out of here ♪♪♪ 445 00:16:37,078 --> 00:16:37,977 Champion! 446 00:16:38,045 --> 00:16:40,380 Champion, hey! 447 00:16:40,448 --> 00:16:42,114 Oh, buddy, you came back. 448 00:16:42,182 --> 00:16:44,717 You came back to my voice. 449 00:16:46,284 --> 00:16:47,520 Dog whistle. 450 00:16:48,088 --> 00:16:49,689 - April, wake up. - Jerry's here. 451 00:16:49,756 --> 00:16:50,789 - [Groans] - April. 452 00:16:50,857 --> 00:16:51,990 - April. - Hey. 453 00:16:52,058 --> 00:16:55,160 - Hi. - Hi. 454 00:16:55,229 --> 00:16:58,196 Why is your arm around her? I broke you up. 455 00:16:58,264 --> 00:17:00,098 Well, we got back together again 'cause of what you said. 456 00:17:00,165 --> 00:17:01,966 What do you mean? I didn't say anything. 457 00:17:02,034 --> 00:17:03,468 Yeah, when we were carrying you to bed, 458 00:17:03,536 --> 00:17:05,903 you correctly pointed out that we were arguing about stuff 459 00:17:05,971 --> 00:17:07,905 that was stupid, and so we talked it out. 460 00:17:07,973 --> 00:17:09,907 And I apologized, and he apologized. 461 00:17:09,975 --> 00:17:11,175 And now everything's great. 462 00:17:11,244 --> 00:17:12,344 - Thanks. - No. 463 00:17:12,911 --> 00:17:15,479 I'm drunk. Don't listen to me, no. 464 00:17:15,547 --> 00:17:17,715 - See you out there. - No. 465 00:17:17,782 --> 00:17:19,717 - Whoa, thanks, guys. This is really-- 466 00:17:19,784 --> 00:17:20,851 this is really great. 467 00:17:20,918 --> 00:17:23,587 Okay, I want everyone to go around 468 00:17:23,655 --> 00:17:25,456 and tell their favorite Jerry story. 469 00:17:25,523 --> 00:17:26,957 [Laughs] 470 00:17:27,524 --> 00:17:29,294 A positive one. 471 00:17:32,362 --> 00:17:33,630 Who's first? 472 00:17:33,697 --> 00:17:36,399 Jerry, today is your birthday, 473 00:17:36,467 --> 00:17:39,068 but it's about much more than that. 474 00:17:39,136 --> 00:17:42,238 It's also about Ann and I getting back together 475 00:17:42,306 --> 00:17:44,507 and being the hottest couple in Pawnee. 476 00:17:44,575 --> 00:17:45,840 I'd also like to announce 477 00:17:45,908 --> 00:17:48,843 our official relationship mash-up name. 478 00:17:48,911 --> 00:17:51,146 It's "Tan." To Tan. 479 00:17:51,213 --> 00:17:53,415 I would like to announce that 480 00:17:53,483 --> 00:17:55,417 the name Tan is officially over. 481 00:17:55,485 --> 00:17:57,051 To the end of Tan. 482 00:17:57,119 --> 00:17:59,821 - Haverkins it is. - Okay, Donna? 483 00:17:59,889 --> 00:18:02,556 I would like to address the fact that rule number seven 484 00:18:02,624 --> 00:18:06,527 says, "no pets," and yet there is a three-legged animal 485 00:18:06,595 --> 00:18:07,695 - in my living room. - Okay, Ron. 486 00:18:07,763 --> 00:18:11,965 Jerry's work is often adequate. 487 00:18:18,305 --> 00:18:19,205 I'll go. 488 00:18:19,372 --> 00:18:21,675 Jerry has a wife 489 00:18:21,742 --> 00:18:23,976 and three beautiful daughters-- a full life-- 490 00:18:24,544 --> 00:18:25,445 and that's amazing. 491 00:18:25,513 --> 00:18:28,548 April and Andy have Champion, and that's amazing. 492 00:18:28,616 --> 00:18:31,918 I have a stepbrother who lives in London 493 00:18:31,985 --> 00:18:34,386 and 2.8% body fat. 494 00:18:37,685 --> 00:18:39,186 Guys... guys... 495 00:18:39,991 --> 00:18:41,193 What do I do? 496 00:18:41,560 --> 00:18:42,528 I mean, she's asleep. 497 00:18:42,595 --> 00:18:44,262 You probably should just sit there and not move. 498 00:18:44,331 --> 00:18:46,932 She's really tired. Just a few hours. 499 00:18:46,999 --> 00:18:48,233 Few hours? 500 00:18:49,301 --> 00:18:51,436 Is this all the eggs we have? 501 00:18:51,503 --> 00:18:54,339 Yes. What are you making? 502 00:18:54,406 --> 00:18:55,406 Eggs. 503 00:18:55,474 --> 00:18:58,976 [Birds chirping] 504 00:18:59,044 --> 00:19:01,245 - Leslie. - Surprise! 505 00:19:01,313 --> 00:19:04,315 Oh, God. What happened? 506 00:19:04,383 --> 00:19:09,686 Well, you slept with Jerry last night. 507 00:19:09,754 --> 00:19:12,756 No, I was planning Jerry's morning surprise party. 508 00:19:12,824 --> 00:19:14,491 Morning surprise parties are always the best. 509 00:19:14,559 --> 00:19:16,425 - Let's get going. - I made some coffee. 510 00:19:17,243 --> 00:19:19,262 Let's go for a walk. 511 00:19:19,330 --> 00:19:22,164 I now officially insist that you take a sabbatical. 512 00:19:22,232 --> 00:19:23,766 - No, no. - Let me finish. 513 00:19:26,334 --> 00:19:28,437 I used to work in a sheet metal factory, 514 00:19:28,505 --> 00:19:32,174 but then a job came along at the tannery. 515 00:19:32,242 --> 00:19:34,610 The hours were better, and I would get paid. 516 00:19:34,678 --> 00:19:37,012 Also I'd have the chance to work with leather 517 00:19:37,080 --> 00:19:38,913 both before and after it was on the cow, 518 00:19:38,981 --> 00:19:41,383 which had always been a dream of mine. 519 00:19:41,450 --> 00:19:43,451 I didn't want to give up my sheet metal job, 520 00:19:43,519 --> 00:19:46,287 so I tried to do both jobs and finish middle school. 521 00:19:47,005 --> 00:19:47,789 How old were you? 522 00:19:47,790 --> 00:19:49,457 11. 523 00:19:49,525 --> 00:19:52,527 The point is, I was so tired, 524 00:19:52,595 --> 00:19:55,228 I tried to puncture an eight-gauge aluminum foil 525 00:19:55,296 --> 00:19:57,698 with a leather awl. [Laughs] 526 00:19:58,466 --> 00:20:00,434 - Wow. - I learned a lesson. 527 00:20:00,502 --> 00:20:03,336 Never half-ass two things. 528 00:20:03,405 --> 00:20:05,539 Whole-ass one thing. 529 00:20:05,607 --> 00:20:07,541 So if you want to win that seat-- 530 00:20:07,609 --> 00:20:08,642 Which I do. 531 00:20:09,710 --> 00:20:12,712 Then commit yourself 100%. 532 00:20:12,780 --> 00:20:14,146 Take a sabbatical. 533 00:20:15,614 --> 00:20:17,784 I will cut back to 10 hours a week. 534 00:20:18,551 --> 00:20:19,520 Deal. 535 00:20:20,587 --> 00:20:23,255 - 15. - 10. 536 00:20:23,823 --> 00:20:24,657 Deal. 537 00:20:25,981 --> 00:20:28,215 Ugh, I can't believe I got them back together. 538 00:20:28,783 --> 00:20:30,650 Now they're always gonna want to come talk to me about stuff. 539 00:20:30,718 --> 00:20:32,151 Eh, that's a good thing, babe. 540 00:20:32,219 --> 00:20:34,253 They want to talk to you because you're important to them. 541 00:20:34,821 --> 00:20:36,822 Yes, but I hate them. 542 00:20:36,890 --> 00:20:38,223 I know you do, sweetheart. 543 00:20:38,224 --> 00:20:39,492 Oh, hey, uh, by the way, 544 00:20:39,493 --> 00:20:41,327 I think that Chris is lonely, so I told him he could borrow 545 00:20:41,395 --> 00:20:42,328 Champion whenever. 546 00:20:43,396 --> 00:20:45,864 [Laughs] 547 00:20:45,932 --> 00:20:49,068 - Andy, he's kissing me. - Aww. 548 00:20:50,136 --> 00:20:51,437 Jerry, I wanted to say I'm sorry 549 00:20:51,505 --> 00:20:52,971 that I screwed up your birthday party. 550 00:20:53,038 --> 00:20:55,107 - Oh, that's okay. - But we all pitched in. 551 00:20:55,174 --> 00:20:57,809 And we are sending you and Gayle to a B&B 552 00:20:57,876 --> 00:20:59,211 in your favorite place in the world. 553 00:21:00,278 --> 00:21:01,312 Muncie? 554 00:21:01,379 --> 00:21:04,949 Amazingly, yes. Muncie, Indiana. 555 00:21:05,017 --> 00:21:06,985 [Sighs] Thank you, guys. It was really expensive. 556 00:21:07,152 --> 00:21:07,652 [Cell phone rings] 557 00:21:08,720 --> 00:21:10,721 - Oh, campaign. - Take it. 558 00:21:10,788 --> 00:21:12,223 [Cell phone continues ringing] 559 00:21:12,290 --> 00:21:14,195 Excuse me. 560 00:21:16,263 --> 00:21:20,164 If the Bread and Breakfast... [Indistinct chatter] 561 00:21:20,932 --> 00:21:21,966 This is Leslie. 562 00:21:23,967 --> 00:21:28,542 Sync & corrections by Alice www.addic7ed.com 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net