1
00:00:02,257 --> 00:00:03,325
Is the coast clear?
2
00:00:03,345 --> 00:00:04,263
What are you wearing?
3
00:00:04,304 --> 00:00:06,155
- My sneak-around clothes.
Is he gone?
4
00:00:06,189 --> 00:00:07,506
Yeah, he's gone.
Come in.
5
00:00:07,540 --> 00:00:08,907
You gotta see this.
6
00:00:08,942 --> 00:00:10,843
Tom and I have been seeing
each other for a few weeks,
7
00:00:10,877 --> 00:00:14,580
and... I think I'm ready
to say, "I love you"...
8
00:00:14,614 --> 00:00:15,814
To his apartment.
9
00:00:15,849 --> 00:00:19,685
I... love you so much.
10
00:00:19,719 --> 00:00:21,487
Look at all these blankets.
11
00:00:21,521 --> 00:00:23,722
One on the ottoman,
one on the chair,
12
00:00:23,740 --> 00:00:26,191
one on the couch...
here, feel.
13
00:00:26,226 --> 00:00:28,360
Holy hell, that's soft.
14
00:00:28,395 --> 00:00:29,862
Oh, my God, is that...
15
00:00:29,896 --> 00:00:32,164
Yep! A whole shelf
of coconut water.
16
00:00:32,198 --> 00:00:34,500
I think I'm gonna cry.
This is like girl heaven.
17
00:00:34,534 --> 00:00:35,934
Did he do all this
just for you?
18
00:00:35,969 --> 00:00:37,503
No! He just lives like this.
19
00:00:37,537 --> 00:00:39,872
He's deeply in debt,
but you know what? Who cares!
20
00:00:39,906 --> 00:00:41,273
'Cause check it out.
21
00:00:41,291 --> 00:00:43,342
Cheese plate
and Adriatic figs.
22
00:00:43,376 --> 00:00:45,544
Leslie, this is always here.
23
00:00:45,578 --> 00:00:47,413
I don't know when he has time
to make it.
24
00:00:47,447 --> 00:00:50,416
Boutique eye cream,
unisex cologne,
25
00:00:50,450 --> 00:00:52,818
lip exfoliator,
chocolate-covered almonds,
26
00:00:52,852 --> 00:00:55,754
and a Sudoku book...
just amenities everywhere!
27
00:00:55,789 --> 00:00:57,690
- I love amenities.
- I know!
28
00:00:57,724 --> 00:00:59,058
Check this out.
It's the best part.
29
00:00:59,092 --> 00:01:01,660
80 degrees.
Night and day.
30
00:01:01,695 --> 00:01:03,729
[Gasp]
Look at this one.
31
00:01:03,763 --> 00:01:05,347
There's another soft one.
32
00:01:05,398 --> 00:01:06,432
[Gasp]
33
00:01:06,466 --> 00:01:07,933
Both: Ohh.
34
00:01:07,967 --> 00:01:10,936
[Triumphant music]
35
00:01:10,970 --> 00:01:16,570
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
36
00:01:29,956 --> 00:01:32,124
Councilman Pillner,
could I have a moment?
37
00:01:32,158 --> 00:01:33,325
Make it quick.
38
00:01:33,360 --> 00:01:35,494
In his seminal
2009 documentary,
39
00:01:35,528 --> 00:01:38,597
filmmaker Ken Burns describes
the national park system
40
00:01:38,631 --> 00:01:40,516
as a America's best idea.
41
00:01:40,550 --> 00:01:42,267
- Way quicker.
- Okay.
44
00:01:47,006 --> 00:01:48,474
and I've heard
that you're planning on
45
00:01:48,508 --> 00:01:50,609
reducing the parks funding
by 8%.
46
00:01:50,643 --> 00:01:53,846
Councilman Pillner,
that cannot happen.
47
00:01:53,880 --> 00:01:56,448
I've gotten to know
the city councilmen pretty well
48
00:01:56,483 --> 00:01:57,449
because of my campaign.
49
00:01:57,484 --> 00:01:58,951
If you hear any of them
50
00:01:58,985 --> 00:02:00,753
talking about that
"blonde pain in the ass,"
51
00:02:00,787 --> 00:02:02,921
that's a-me.
52
00:02:02,956 --> 00:02:05,591
Leslie, that budget
is all but finalized.
53
00:02:05,625 --> 00:02:08,093
I love building ships
in bottles.
54
00:02:08,128 --> 00:02:10,396
When the ship is done,
I put a cork in it,
55
00:02:10,430 --> 00:02:11,713
put it on the shelf,
and I move on.
56
00:02:11,748 --> 00:02:13,432
Hold that cork, sir...
57
00:02:13,466 --> 00:02:15,050
'Cause I'm about to put
an adorable face
58
00:02:15,085 --> 00:02:17,202
on your proposed cuts.
59
00:02:17,220 --> 00:02:19,304
Meet Melody Sternway.
60
00:02:19,339 --> 00:02:21,907
She's enrolled in five
of our parks programs.
61
00:02:21,941 --> 00:02:23,375
Our department
is the only thing
62
00:02:23,410 --> 00:02:27,980
between her and a life
of tube tops and tribal tattoos
63
00:02:28,014 --> 00:02:30,649
and barfing in hot tubs.
64
00:02:30,683 --> 00:02:31,817
Please.
65
00:02:31,851 --> 00:02:33,218
Okay, you got me.
66
00:02:33,253 --> 00:02:35,055
I'll find the cuts
somewhere else.
67
00:02:41,161 --> 00:02:42,961
Good morning, everyone!
68
00:02:42,996 --> 00:02:46,098
I'm April Ludgate and I will be
filling in for Leslie
69
00:02:46,132 --> 00:02:48,617
while she runs for office.
70
00:02:48,668 --> 00:02:52,938
So the new emergency protocol
for the Parks department
71
00:02:52,972 --> 00:02:55,207
can be found in your binders.
72
00:02:55,241 --> 00:02:57,960
What exactly is the chain
of command vis-a-vis
73
00:02:58,011 --> 00:02:59,294
on-site response?
74
00:02:59,845 --> 00:03:02,097
You know what,
why don't we just say that
75
00:03:02,132 --> 00:03:04,233
whoever gets
to the emergency first
76
00:03:04,267 --> 00:03:05,584
will be in charge?
77
00:03:05,618 --> 00:03:08,086
Okay, so if there's
an explosion, say,
78
00:03:08,121 --> 00:03:11,590
in Ramset Park and someone
from Sewage gets there first,
79
00:03:11,624 --> 00:03:13,792
they'd be in charge?
80
00:03:13,827 --> 00:03:15,994
I had no idea
how terrible Leslie's job is.
81
00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:19,865
She referred to this meeting
as a nonstop thrill ride.
82
00:03:19,899 --> 00:03:25,404
I'm not quite sure,
but Tom can answer that if...
83
00:03:25,438 --> 00:03:26,805
What are you doing?
84
00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:28,707
Just bouncing some business
ideas off Russell Simmons
85
00:03:28,741 --> 00:03:30,209
on Twitter.
86
00:03:30,243 --> 00:03:31,243
Why?
87
00:03:31,277 --> 00:03:34,012
All due respect, miss Ludgate, do you
even know what you're doing here?
88
00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:36,281
All due respect,
Mr. hamster penis,
89
00:03:36,299 --> 00:03:37,416
but no, I don't.
90
00:03:37,450 --> 00:03:40,152
- My last name is Guiles.
- Are you sure?
91
00:03:40,186 --> 00:03:42,054
Because you look like
a hamster penis.
92
00:03:42,088 --> 00:03:45,140
What about a cologne
that can kill spiders?
93
00:03:45,175 --> 00:03:48,927
Ron Swanson, it is my pleasure
to inform you
94
00:03:48,961 --> 00:03:50,996
that you are a finalist
for the job
95
00:03:51,030 --> 00:03:52,681
of Assistant City Manager.
96
00:03:52,732 --> 00:03:54,650
Chris,
I feel I should remind you
97
00:03:54,684 --> 00:03:56,001
that I do not believe
98
00:03:56,035 --> 00:03:58,604
that the position or the entire
government should exist.
99
00:03:58,638 --> 00:04:01,740
That said, you'd be a fool
not to pick me.
100
00:04:01,774 --> 00:04:04,276
I will walk deeper
into the belly of the beast
101
00:04:04,310 --> 00:04:06,011
if it means I'm able
to further limit
102
00:04:06,045 --> 00:04:07,979
reckless government spending.
103
00:04:07,997 --> 00:04:10,616
I mean, I have so many ideas.
104
00:04:10,650 --> 00:04:12,718
Some are simple
like "take down traffic lights"
105
00:04:12,752 --> 00:04:15,087
and "eliminate
the Post Office."
106
00:04:15,121 --> 00:04:16,955
The bigger ones
will be tougher,
107
00:04:16,990 --> 00:04:20,359
like "bring all of this
crumbling to the ground."
108
00:04:20,393 --> 00:04:22,728
There is one more step
in the vetting process.
109
00:04:22,762 --> 00:04:25,564
You and I will embark
on a quick session
110
00:04:25,598 --> 00:04:28,600
of heart rate meditation,
focusing on conscious breathing
111
00:04:28,635 --> 00:04:30,636
and opening the heart chakra.
112
00:04:30,670 --> 00:04:32,771
I'm not sure
I'm interested in that.
113
00:04:32,805 --> 00:04:35,574
No, I am sure.
I am not interested in that.
114
00:04:35,608 --> 00:04:38,310
Ron, you and I are
very different people,
115
00:04:38,344 --> 00:04:39,945
and we have often been
at odds.
116
00:04:39,979 --> 00:04:43,482
It is crucial that you and I
spend a day spiritually engaged,
117
00:04:43,516 --> 00:04:45,551
and consider what it would
really mean to work together.
118
00:04:45,585 --> 00:04:47,319
Trust me, you'll love it.
I'll see you tomorrow.
119
00:04:47,353 --> 00:04:50,756
Oh, wear your yoga pants.
120
00:04:50,790 --> 00:04:52,090
Okay, I really wish
we would've
121
00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:53,392
talked about this first.
122
00:04:53,426 --> 00:04:54,860
What could possibly
be wrong
123
00:04:54,894 --> 00:04:56,528
about me saving
the Parks department budget?
124
00:04:56,563 --> 00:04:58,797
I don't know.
That's the point.
125
00:04:58,831 --> 00:05:01,600
You're thinking like
a Parks department employee,
126
00:05:01,634 --> 00:05:03,635
not a city council candidate.
127
00:05:03,670 --> 00:05:04,803
You're in a campaign
literally.
128
00:05:04,837 --> 00:05:06,071
Everything you do right now
is politics.
129
00:05:06,105 --> 00:05:07,723
Oh, really?
Is this politics?
130
00:05:07,757 --> 00:05:09,391
Ow.
[Chuckling]
131
00:05:09,425 --> 00:05:10,742
What is...
what is that?
132
00:05:10,777 --> 00:05:12,894
- What... why did you do that?
- I'm in a good mood.
133
00:05:12,929 --> 00:05:14,846
Because the city councilor
listened to me.
134
00:05:14,880 --> 00:05:16,765
It means I have some juice.
135
00:05:16,816 --> 00:05:18,350
Look, this might be
a good thing.
136
00:05:18,384 --> 00:05:20,485
But there's a reason
we strategize
137
00:05:20,520 --> 00:05:22,638
- before we make decisions.
- Okay.
138
00:05:22,672 --> 00:05:25,157
Okay. I'll make some calls,
see where we are.
139
00:05:25,191 --> 00:05:27,793
- Enjoying the view.
- What is going on?
140
00:05:27,827 --> 00:05:31,413
I'm just really into you.
Gimme a spin, baby.
141
00:05:31,947 --> 00:05:33,532
I hate doing Leslie's job.
142
00:05:33,566 --> 00:05:35,934
I'm filling in for a person
who smiles 90% of the time.
143
00:05:35,969 --> 00:05:37,502
Tom, can you please help me?
144
00:05:37,537 --> 00:05:40,038
Please?
Or just do it?
145
00:05:40,073 --> 00:05:41,940
Come on, lil sparkle.
Don't give up.
146
00:05:41,975 --> 00:05:43,141
What does Leslie always say?
147
00:05:43,176 --> 00:05:45,611
I don't know,
weird stuff about waffles.
148
00:05:45,645 --> 00:05:48,213
She says, "you get out
of a job what you put into it."
149
00:05:48,247 --> 00:05:50,349
You just need to find a project
you're passionate about.
150
00:05:50,383 --> 00:05:52,117
For instance,
I was incredible
151
00:05:52,151 --> 00:05:53,752
at naming drinks
at the Snakehole Lounge
152
00:05:53,786 --> 00:05:56,154
because I care a great deal
about signature beverages.
153
00:05:56,189 --> 00:05:58,690
The Beer-yonce Knowles.
154
00:05:58,725 --> 00:06:00,959
It's just a regular beer,
but we put it in a sexy-ass mug.
155
00:06:00,994 --> 00:06:02,861
Pairs nicely
with the Jay-zima.
156
00:06:02,895 --> 00:06:04,896
We bought a bunch of zima
when the factory shut down.
157
00:06:04,931 --> 00:06:07,165
That sounds fun.
Maybe I should work at a bar.
158
00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:09,568
Come on, there must be
some aspect of this job
159
00:06:09,602 --> 00:06:11,503
you care about.
160
00:06:11,537 --> 00:06:13,105
Hello.
161
00:06:13,139 --> 00:06:16,608
Here are some papers
Leslie requested.
162
00:06:16,643 --> 00:06:18,744
- These are blank.
- Weird.
163
00:06:18,778 --> 00:06:20,746
As long as I'm here,
can I ask you a question?
164
00:06:20,780 --> 00:06:24,549
Did you ever participate
in meditation with Chris?
165
00:06:24,584 --> 00:06:26,418
Oh, yeah.
166
00:06:26,452 --> 00:06:27,719
When we dated,
he made me do it every week.
167
00:06:27,754 --> 00:06:30,555
- What am I in for here?
- Okay, here's the deal.
168
00:06:30,590 --> 00:06:33,058
It's crazy boring,
it lasts forever,
169
00:06:33,092 --> 00:06:34,827
you're gonna
wish you were dead.
170
00:06:35,862 --> 00:06:38,399
Do you wanna borrow
my yoga pants?
171
00:06:40,433 --> 00:06:41,500
Hey.
172
00:06:41,534 --> 00:06:42,701
So did Pillner finalize
the budget?
173
00:06:42,735 --> 00:06:44,036
Are we okay?
174
00:06:44,070 --> 00:06:46,488
- We are the opposite of okay.
- What do you mean?
175
00:06:46,522 --> 00:06:47,839
To keep the money in Parks,
176
00:06:47,874 --> 00:06:49,441
they're gonna shut down
the Westside animal shelter.
177
00:06:49,475 --> 00:06:51,476
The money had to come
from somewhere,
178
00:06:51,511 --> 00:06:53,245
and the shelter is on
its last legs.
179
00:06:53,279 --> 00:06:55,213
So... they're closing it
at the end of the week.
180
00:06:55,248 --> 00:06:56,998
That's where Champion
came from.
181
00:06:57,033 --> 00:06:58,183
What will happen
to all the other animals?
182
00:06:58,217 --> 00:07:00,952
- Well, they'll be...
- Fine.
183
00:07:00,987 --> 00:07:03,522
No.
They'll be...
184
00:07:03,556 --> 00:07:05,724
[gasp]
No!
185
00:07:05,758 --> 00:07:07,225
Guys.
186
00:07:07,260 --> 00:07:10,796
Apparently, Leslie Knope
wielded her insider influence
187
00:07:10,830 --> 00:07:12,681
and got Councilman Pillner
188
00:07:12,715 --> 00:07:14,199
to save her precious
department,
189
00:07:14,233 --> 00:07:16,835
even though it meant
closing the shelter.
190
00:07:16,869 --> 00:07:19,638
Now I am not saying that
Leslie Knope is a dog murderer,
191
00:07:19,672 --> 00:07:22,641
per se, I just think that her
actions raise some questions.
192
00:07:22,675 --> 00:07:25,143
Like, for example,
is she a dog murderer?
193
00:07:25,178 --> 00:07:26,812
God.
194
00:07:26,846 --> 00:07:28,380
Well, I don't know the answer
to that, Jennifer,
195
00:07:28,414 --> 00:07:30,649
but your tone makes me think...
Yes.
196
00:07:30,683 --> 00:07:34,286
- Say your good-byes,
Pebble...
197
00:07:34,320 --> 00:07:37,055
'Cause "Weswie" Knope
gonna kill you.
198
00:07:37,590 --> 00:07:39,391
She got the perfect puppy
for that shot.
199
00:07:39,425 --> 00:07:40,726
She is good.
200
00:07:40,760 --> 00:07:42,244
Leslie, there is a woman
on the phone
201
00:07:42,295 --> 00:07:43,895
that says her daughter's scared
to go to sleep
202
00:07:43,930 --> 00:07:47,766
because Leslie Knope's going
to come murder her kitty.
203
00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:49,935
- Okay, we can fix this.
- Yes, we can.
204
00:07:49,969 --> 00:07:51,837
Tomorrow morning,
we are going back to Pillner
205
00:07:51,871 --> 00:07:53,472
and telling him to cut
the Parks budget.
206
00:07:53,506 --> 00:07:54,639
No, no, no, no.
207
00:07:54,674 --> 00:07:56,875
We can figure
something else out.
208
00:08:00,179 --> 00:08:02,614
[Cat meows]
209
00:08:04,049 --> 00:08:06,334
[Animal chatter]
210
00:08:06,369 --> 00:08:08,203
Leslie!
211
00:08:08,237 --> 00:08:10,455
Hey, honey, good morning.
How did you sleep?
212
00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:12,758
I adopted 32 cats and dogs.
Do you want pancakes?
213
00:08:12,792 --> 00:08:14,826
- I'm gonna make pancakes.
- Is that a pig?
214
00:08:14,861 --> 00:08:16,194
- What? Which one?
- Is that a pig?
215
00:08:16,228 --> 00:08:18,430
You talking about this one?
This one right here?
216
00:08:18,464 --> 00:08:20,899
[Pig squealing]
Yes, that is a pig.
217
00:08:24,309 --> 00:08:26,960
This is the best
meditation center in the area.
218
00:08:27,359 --> 00:08:28,560
It doesn't look like much.
219
00:08:28,594 --> 00:08:31,730
Actually, this strip mall
has surprisingly decent chi.
220
00:08:31,764 --> 00:08:34,266
Although, the smells from
the Greek restaurant next door
221
00:08:34,300 --> 00:08:35,667
are not ideal.
222
00:08:35,701 --> 00:08:40,205
But through this door
lies a deep, serene quietude.
223
00:08:40,239 --> 00:08:44,276
[Yelling in Greek]
224
00:08:44,310 --> 00:08:46,912
Excuse me, ladies.
On your right.
225
00:08:46,946 --> 00:08:48,780
After you, Ron.
226
00:08:48,798 --> 00:08:51,283
Now... take in the vibe
of the room
227
00:08:51,317 --> 00:08:54,553
and remain open of mind
and of spirit.
228
00:08:54,587 --> 00:08:56,972
Now quietly...
sit behind me
229
00:08:57,006 --> 00:08:58,690
and let's join breath.
230
00:08:58,724 --> 00:09:02,144
- I'll stand.
- Interesting technique.
231
00:09:04,397 --> 00:09:06,848
[Inhaling deeply]
232
00:09:11,571 --> 00:09:14,339
[Cats meowing]
Andy, look at this little guy!
233
00:09:14,373 --> 00:09:16,374
He's such a little runt.
Hey, there.
234
00:09:16,409 --> 00:09:18,026
Hey, Tom, look.
235
00:09:18,077 --> 00:09:20,645
Oh, I just had five cats on me
at once!
236
00:09:20,680 --> 00:09:22,747
You wanna come in here
and try to break my record?
237
00:09:22,782 --> 00:09:24,533
That's okay, Andy, I think
I'm gonna keep my distance.
238
00:09:24,584 --> 00:09:26,218
Don't want none
of that animal dander
239
00:09:26,252 --> 00:09:28,152
interacting
with this cashmere.
240
00:09:28,171 --> 00:09:29,988
What's your endgame here,
my dear?
241
00:09:30,022 --> 00:09:31,456
This is only temporary
242
00:09:31,490 --> 00:09:33,208
until I find a way
to keep the shelter open
243
00:09:33,259 --> 00:09:34,593
without cutting
the Parks budget.
244
00:09:34,627 --> 00:09:36,661
Hey, what if I threw together
a pet adoption
245
00:09:36,696 --> 00:09:38,680
in one of our parks...
would that be cool?
246
00:09:38,714 --> 00:09:40,332
April, that would be
the coolest thing
247
00:09:40,366 --> 00:09:43,768
since 'N Sync, Aerosmith,
and Nelly performed together
248
00:09:43,803 --> 00:09:45,136
at the Super Bowl
halftime show.
249
00:09:45,171 --> 00:09:46,571
Ew.
250
00:09:46,606 --> 00:09:48,139
I think I may have found
a project
251
00:09:48,174 --> 00:09:50,575
I'd actually enjoy doing...
252
00:09:50,610 --> 00:09:52,511
helping these cats and dogs.
253
00:09:52,545 --> 00:09:54,513
They should be rewarded
for not being people.
254
00:09:54,547 --> 00:09:57,015
I hate people.
255
00:09:57,049 --> 00:09:59,150
I'm very proud of you,
April.
256
00:09:59,185 --> 00:10:01,419
Meanwhile, you and I are gonna
look at the town budget
257
00:10:01,454 --> 00:10:03,822
and we're gonna find
something expendable.
258
00:10:03,856 --> 00:10:06,424
Hey, Ben, the pig ate
your noise-canceling headphones.
259
00:10:06,459 --> 00:10:08,026
[Chuckling]
260
00:10:08,044 --> 00:10:10,896
Pigs are awesome!
261
00:10:10,930 --> 00:10:14,416
All told, we were in there
about six hours.
262
00:10:14,467 --> 00:10:17,068
And no,
I was not meditating.
263
00:10:17,103 --> 00:10:19,337
I just stood there,
quietly breathing.
264
00:10:19,372 --> 00:10:21,606
There were no thoughts
in my head whatsoever.
265
00:10:21,641 --> 00:10:23,742
My mind was blank.
266
00:10:23,776 --> 00:10:26,545
I don't know what the hell
these other crackpots are doing.
267
00:10:26,579 --> 00:10:29,748
[Bird cawing]
268
00:10:29,782 --> 00:10:32,067
Jerry, the puppies are going
to the bathroom everywhere.
269
00:10:32,101 --> 00:10:33,418
We can't let people see that.
270
00:10:33,452 --> 00:10:35,737
I need you to continuously
clean out the cages, okay?
271
00:10:35,771 --> 00:10:37,221
- You got it, boss.
- Thank you.
272
00:10:37,240 --> 00:10:39,841
Donna, did you put the info
sheets on all the cages?
273
00:10:39,875 --> 00:10:41,059
- Last one.
- Great.
274
00:10:41,093 --> 00:10:43,361
Each animal has a photo,
special talents,
275
00:10:43,396 --> 00:10:44,696
and a personal history...
276
00:10:44,730 --> 00:10:46,531
That I made up.
277
00:10:46,566 --> 00:10:49,668
A lot of these dogs have rescued
people from burning buildings.
278
00:10:49,702 --> 00:10:52,203
This one helped Ray Charles
around.
279
00:10:52,237 --> 00:10:55,707
What?
This cat was in Boogie Nights?
280
00:10:55,741 --> 00:10:58,793
- Hi. You like this little guy?
- He's so cute.
281
00:10:58,844 --> 00:11:00,045
I know.
282
00:11:00,079 --> 00:11:02,080
All the animal are up-to-date
on their shots.
283
00:11:02,098 --> 00:11:04,583
- And I think he likes you.
- He's pretty awesome.
284
00:11:04,617 --> 00:11:05,951
Did you know
his great-grandfather
285
00:11:05,985 --> 00:11:07,719
was Spuds Mackenzie?
286
00:11:07,753 --> 00:11:10,755
What do you think, sweetie?
Do you wanna take him home?
287
00:11:10,773 --> 00:11:13,424
Yes, please.
288
00:11:13,442 --> 00:11:15,727
Realistically,
I'm guessing we dropped
289
00:11:15,761 --> 00:11:18,263
three to five points
in the polls.
290
00:11:18,297 --> 00:11:21,333
This late in the game,
it's killer.
291
00:11:21,367 --> 00:11:22,867
And that's a dog biscuit.
292
00:11:22,902 --> 00:11:24,369
Andy put them on the table
293
00:11:24,403 --> 00:11:26,437
'cause he wanted to try
to have the dogs play poker.
294
00:11:26,455 --> 00:11:28,823
Okay, Leslie,
we are out of time.
295
00:11:28,874 --> 00:11:31,176
- We have to go back to them.
- Oh, my God!
296
00:11:31,210 --> 00:11:34,579
This is it.
297
00:11:34,614 --> 00:11:36,848
Hmm.
298
00:11:36,882 --> 00:11:39,017
Oh, for God's sake, Leslie.
299
00:11:39,051 --> 00:11:40,318
There's just not enough money
to do all the things
300
00:11:40,353 --> 00:11:41,619
you wanna do.
301
00:11:41,637 --> 00:11:43,955
You're trying to fit
two ships into one bottle.
302
00:11:43,990 --> 00:11:46,358
Take it from me,
you can't do that.
303
00:11:46,392 --> 00:11:47,559
Okay, just look at this.
304
00:11:47,593 --> 00:11:50,562
There are three employees
designated as D1,
305
00:11:50,596 --> 00:11:51,930
or on retainer.
306
00:11:51,964 --> 00:11:53,264
Public Works is still
paying them
307
00:11:53,299 --> 00:11:55,133
even though they haven't worked
in two years.
308
00:11:55,151 --> 00:11:56,468
It's an oversight.
309
00:11:56,502 --> 00:11:58,136
We get rid of them
and we have just enough money
310
00:11:58,170 --> 00:11:59,537
to keep the animal shelter
operating
311
00:11:59,572 --> 00:12:01,573
while still maintaining
the Parks budget.
312
00:12:01,607 --> 00:12:02,907
Interesting.
313
00:12:02,942 --> 00:12:04,859
Looks like we found
a bigger bottle.
314
00:12:04,910 --> 00:12:06,745
I know you're just
making a joke,
315
00:12:06,779 --> 00:12:09,214
but using a bigger bottle
would be considered cheating
316
00:12:09,248 --> 00:12:11,082
by most of our major
trade publications.
317
00:12:11,117 --> 00:12:12,784
FYI.
318
00:12:12,818 --> 00:12:15,487
Ron, you've radiated
mindfulness.
319
00:12:15,521 --> 00:12:16,921
What were you thinking about?
320
00:12:16,956 --> 00:12:19,391
- I wasn't thinking at all.
- Incredible.
321
00:12:19,425 --> 00:12:21,393
It takes a ton of work
for me
322
00:12:21,427 --> 00:12:23,261
to get to that kind of
a clear head space,
323
00:12:23,295 --> 00:12:24,896
no matter how hard I try.
324
00:12:24,930 --> 00:12:26,931
Don't try so hard.
325
00:12:26,966 --> 00:12:30,135
Don't try... so hard.
326
00:12:30,169 --> 00:12:32,737
Ron, I'm going to try
your "not trying" method
327
00:12:32,772 --> 00:12:34,372
right here, right now.
328
00:12:34,407 --> 00:12:36,274
Chris, wait.
329
00:12:36,308 --> 00:12:38,243
I know this crap
is important to you,
330
00:12:38,277 --> 00:12:39,911
so I should come clean.
331
00:12:39,945 --> 00:12:42,280
I got nothing
out of that experience at all.
332
00:12:42,314 --> 00:12:45,050
So if you're looking for someone
who enjoys meditation...
333
00:12:45,084 --> 00:12:46,518
Oh, I didn't expect you
to enjoy it.
334
00:12:46,552 --> 00:12:49,454
My one reservation about you
as a co-worker
335
00:12:49,488 --> 00:12:50,955
was that you seem inflexible.
336
00:12:50,990 --> 00:12:52,624
And merely by agreeing
337
00:12:52,658 --> 00:12:54,259
to an activity you're not
interested in,
338
00:12:54,293 --> 00:12:56,628
you showed flexibility.
339
00:12:56,662 --> 00:12:59,831
Ron, you've got the job.
340
00:12:59,865 --> 00:13:01,499
- You wanna head back?
- I do.
341
00:13:01,533 --> 00:13:05,403
But first, there's a hot,
spinning cone of meat
342
00:13:05,438 --> 00:13:07,672
in that Greek restaurant
next door.
343
00:13:07,706 --> 00:13:12,210
I don't know what it is, but
I'd like to eat the whole thing.
344
00:13:12,244 --> 00:13:14,378
Why is it so dead?
Where is everyone?
345
00:13:14,397 --> 00:13:16,347
Don't give up yet.
There's a few minutes left.
346
00:13:16,381 --> 00:13:18,716
Is this where we drop off
our unwanted cats?
347
00:13:18,734 --> 00:13:21,603
- No. It's the opposite.
- Okay.
348
00:13:21,654 --> 00:13:24,272
I'm just gonna put these here
for a second.
349
00:13:24,323 --> 00:13:26,658
And then, uh...
[Cat meowing]
350
00:13:26,692 --> 00:13:28,526
[Scoffs]
351
00:13:28,560 --> 00:13:30,395
We ended up with more animals
than we started with.
352
00:13:30,429 --> 00:13:32,180
This is what happens
when you try.
353
00:13:32,214 --> 00:13:34,115
All of these animals
are gonna die.
354
00:13:34,166 --> 00:13:35,500
God!
355
00:13:35,534 --> 00:13:36,868
I hope you're happy,
356
00:13:36,902 --> 00:13:38,803
stupid people
in this stupid town!
357
00:13:38,838 --> 00:13:41,906
Hey!
Hey, you!
358
00:13:41,941 --> 00:13:44,709
Get back here and get your
[Bleep] cats out of there!
359
00:13:44,744 --> 00:13:47,011
Do you think
Barack and Michelle Obama
360
00:13:47,046 --> 00:13:48,747
feel like this
at the end of the day?
361
00:13:48,781 --> 00:13:50,849
Probably.
I mean, I don't know how else...
362
00:13:50,883 --> 00:13:52,684
wait a second.
Is that...
363
00:13:52,718 --> 00:13:54,219
so am I Michelle?
364
00:13:54,253 --> 00:13:56,855
Hey, how is everyone?
365
00:13:56,889 --> 00:13:58,189
- Great!
- Pretty good.
366
00:13:58,224 --> 00:14:00,358
We saved the animal shelter
and the Parks budget.
367
00:14:00,392 --> 00:14:02,660
That's great news.
Let me guess.
368
00:14:02,695 --> 00:14:04,629
You found room in other parts
of the budget somewhere?
369
00:14:04,663 --> 00:14:05,964
Totally.
370
00:14:05,998 --> 00:14:08,599
Got rid of a bunch of lame-ass
D1's from Public Works.
371
00:14:08,617 --> 00:14:09,768
Awesome news.
372
00:14:09,802 --> 00:14:11,653
Hey, you know what else
is pretty neat,
373
00:14:11,704 --> 00:14:12,871
is thanks to you,
374
00:14:12,905 --> 00:14:15,073
councilman Pillner
went through the budget
375
00:14:15,107 --> 00:14:16,941
and decided that
not just Public Works
376
00:14:16,959 --> 00:14:19,043
but all D1's will be terminated
in two weeks.
377
00:14:19,578 --> 00:14:21,612
- I'm getting fired.
- Ba-what now?
378
00:14:24,090 --> 00:14:25,191
Oh! Councilman Houser...
379
00:14:25,290 --> 00:14:27,080
I was just looking for you.
380
00:14:27,090 --> 00:14:28,691
I have found my assistant
city manager.
381
00:14:28,725 --> 00:14:30,493
You wanna guess who it is?
It's Ron Swanson!
382
00:14:30,527 --> 00:14:32,144
I'm sorry.
I should've let you guess.
383
00:14:32,195 --> 00:14:33,262
I'm just so excited.
384
00:14:33,296 --> 00:14:34,897
I'd put a pin in this
for now.
385
00:14:34,931 --> 00:14:36,899
Why?
Why pin it?
386
00:14:36,933 --> 00:14:38,467
The council vote
is three to two
387
00:14:38,502 --> 00:14:39,869
in favor of another term
for you.
388
00:14:39,903 --> 00:14:41,904
But one of the yes votes
is retiring.
389
00:14:41,938 --> 00:14:43,372
If Bobby Newport wins,
390
00:14:43,407 --> 00:14:44,607
he's gonna try to bring in
his own guy.
391
00:14:44,641 --> 00:14:46,008
Why would he do that?
392
00:14:46,043 --> 00:14:47,793
He's not exactly thrilled
you've been volunteering
393
00:14:47,828 --> 00:14:50,146
for the Knope campaign
in your spare time.
394
00:14:50,180 --> 00:14:52,481
Sorry, Chris.
If Newport wins...
395
00:14:52,516 --> 00:14:54,018
You're gone.
396
00:14:56,053 --> 00:14:58,370
I just need one more week.
397
00:14:58,405 --> 00:15:00,056
- And then I think...
- Sorry, could you please...
398
00:15:00,090 --> 00:15:01,557
Be careful?
399
00:15:01,591 --> 00:15:03,678
Oh, I am always careful.
400
00:15:06,129 --> 00:15:06,929
We're good.
401
00:15:06,963 --> 00:15:08,764
If I could just get
a little bit more time,
402
00:15:08,798 --> 00:15:10,199
I could figure out
how to fix this.
403
00:15:10,233 --> 00:15:12,634
Unfortunately, I cannot
give you any more time.
404
00:15:12,652 --> 00:15:13,803
With due respect...
405
00:15:13,837 --> 00:15:15,671
Leslie, I am retiring
at the end of this term,
406
00:15:15,705 --> 00:15:17,173
so I've been fine
with you guys
407
00:15:17,207 --> 00:15:18,707
pushing me around
on this budget thing.
408
00:15:18,742 --> 00:15:21,310
But if you're ever
gonna hold this job,
409
00:15:21,344 --> 00:15:23,045
there's something you need
to understand.
410
00:15:23,080 --> 00:15:25,781
City Council isn't about
making everybody in town happy.
411
00:15:25,816 --> 00:15:27,583
In fact,
every decision you make
412
00:15:27,617 --> 00:15:30,553
is gonna make a lot of people
very unhappy.
413
00:15:30,587 --> 00:15:34,323
We play with live ammo
around here.
414
00:15:34,357 --> 00:15:36,425
Now I'm gonna close the book
on this budget draft
415
00:15:36,460 --> 00:15:38,094
by the end
of the business day.
416
00:15:38,128 --> 00:15:40,763
So if you can find some way
out of this mess by 5:00 P.M.,
417
00:15:40,797 --> 00:15:42,164
you let me know.
418
00:15:42,199 --> 00:15:43,999
- Thank you.
- That's fair.
419
00:15:44,034 --> 00:15:45,968
I did it!
I got it out.
420
00:15:46,002 --> 00:15:48,304
Oh, geez.
You don't take the ship out.
421
00:15:48,338 --> 00:15:51,107
Here you go.
422
00:15:52,609 --> 00:15:54,810
Chris! Great news!
423
00:15:54,845 --> 00:15:59,115
I found a way to reduce
government spending by 85%.
424
00:15:59,149 --> 00:16:01,083
Here's a hint...
no more departments.
425
00:16:01,118 --> 00:16:04,186
Ha, that crazy
and impractical plan
426
00:16:04,221 --> 00:16:05,521
may have to wait.
427
00:16:05,555 --> 00:16:07,323
Turns out that Bobby Newport,
if he beats Leslie,
428
00:16:07,357 --> 00:16:08,657
is going to appoint
his own city manager.
429
00:16:08,692 --> 00:16:10,326
So I may have
offered you a job
430
00:16:10,360 --> 00:16:13,395
that I have no authority
to offer.
431
00:16:13,430 --> 00:16:17,533
- I'm so so sorry.
- Well, that is disappointing.
432
00:16:17,567 --> 00:16:19,435
But don't worry about me.
I'll be fine.
433
00:16:19,469 --> 00:16:20,803
Oh, I know.
434
00:16:20,837 --> 00:16:22,688
I mean, in the grand scheme
of things, who cares?
435
00:16:22,722 --> 00:16:24,106
We're all just molecules,
436
00:16:24,141 --> 00:16:27,476
floating around
in random patterns...
437
00:16:27,511 --> 00:16:30,212
Devoid of meaning.
438
00:16:30,247 --> 00:16:31,947
Well, I'll see you
when I see you.
439
00:16:31,982 --> 00:16:33,582
I'm a rolling stone.
440
00:16:33,617 --> 00:16:35,484
- Peace.
- Stop.
441
00:16:35,519 --> 00:16:37,486
Have a seat.
442
00:16:37,521 --> 00:16:41,390
We did things your way,
now we're gonna do it my way.
443
00:16:41,408 --> 00:16:44,726
Prepare to experience
true freedom and bliss.
444
00:16:44,744 --> 00:16:47,563
Oh, maybe I should just go
back to being a nurse full-time.
445
00:16:47,597 --> 00:16:51,133
No, I will not let you return
to a life of shaving wieners
446
00:16:51,168 --> 00:16:53,135
and dodging knife attacks
from meth heads.
447
00:16:53,670 --> 00:16:57,039
Right.
Okay, what are you gonna do?
448
00:16:57,073 --> 00:17:00,242
Well, either you get fired,
the Parks budget shrinks,
449
00:17:00,277 --> 00:17:01,644
or the animal shelter's
gotta go.
450
00:17:01,678 --> 00:17:03,078
Or we find money
somewhere else.
451
00:17:03,113 --> 00:17:05,181
Okay, Leslie,
there is nowhere else.
452
00:17:05,215 --> 00:17:07,983
This is a town budget,
not a bottomless trust fund.
453
00:17:08,018 --> 00:17:09,885
Okay?
454
00:17:09,919 --> 00:17:11,120
Money doesn't just appear
out of nowhere.
455
00:17:11,154 --> 00:17:12,388
- Shh. Stop talking.
- What?
456
00:17:12,422 --> 00:17:13,756
Shh.
457
00:17:13,790 --> 00:17:15,424
I have half an idea
and I'm putting it together.
458
00:17:15,458 --> 00:17:16,692
- Okay.
- Hey!
459
00:17:16,726 --> 00:17:17,860
- Do you wanna...
- Heh.
460
00:17:17,894 --> 00:17:18,928
- I'm...
- No!
461
00:17:18,962 --> 00:17:20,996
- Do you?
- Unh. Shh.
462
00:17:21,031 --> 00:17:23,299
Okay, now I have
a complete idea.
463
00:17:23,333 --> 00:17:26,735
Ben, I'm going to commit
political suicide.
464
00:17:29,372 --> 00:17:30,773
[Knocking]
465
00:17:30,807 --> 00:17:34,810
Hey, it's me. Tommy!
[Knocking]
466
00:17:34,844 --> 00:17:36,345
- Hi!
- I'm not here.
467
00:17:36,379 --> 00:17:37,580
April.
468
00:17:37,614 --> 00:17:38,914
Swear on my
great-great-grandmother's grave
469
00:17:38,949 --> 00:17:40,049
I'm not here.
470
00:17:40,083 --> 00:17:42,001
I'm gonna come in
for a second.
471
00:17:42,052 --> 00:17:43,852
Can you just
leave me alone?
472
00:17:43,887 --> 00:17:46,138
Why so glum,
sugar plum?
473
00:17:46,172 --> 00:17:47,556
Um, I don't know.
474
00:17:47,591 --> 00:17:49,625
Maybe because I worked so hard
on that dumb pet adoption
475
00:17:49,659 --> 00:17:51,293
and I failed.
476
00:17:51,328 --> 00:17:53,229
That's why it's stupid
to work hard.
477
00:17:53,263 --> 00:17:54,363
Let me show you something.
478
00:17:54,397 --> 00:17:56,015
Because you worked hard,
479
00:17:56,066 --> 00:17:58,767
this little terribly-dressed
girl has a puppy.
480
00:17:58,801 --> 00:18:01,303
And this little puppy
has a home.
481
00:18:01,338 --> 00:18:03,939
If Leslie's taught me anything,
it's that yes,
482
00:18:03,974 --> 00:18:07,076
98% of the time,
this job is frustrating
483
00:18:07,110 --> 00:18:09,245
and you hit brick walls.
484
00:18:09,279 --> 00:18:13,148
But the other 2%,
it's stuff like this kid.
485
00:18:13,183 --> 00:18:15,017
And that puppy.
486
00:18:15,051 --> 00:18:16,719
What... what is that photo?
487
00:18:16,753 --> 00:18:18,721
That must come preloaded
in there or something.
488
00:18:18,755 --> 00:18:21,724
- Oh, my God.
- See you at work tomorrow?
489
00:18:21,758 --> 00:18:23,058
Fine.
490
00:18:23,093 --> 00:18:24,193
All right.
491
00:18:24,227 --> 00:18:26,297
Bye, pups!
Bye, little piggies!
492
00:18:28,331 --> 00:18:31,300
I don't usually poison my body
with dark alcohol,
493
00:18:31,334 --> 00:18:34,403
but this whiskey is...
excellent!
494
00:18:34,437 --> 00:18:35,671
Nectar of the gods.
495
00:18:35,705 --> 00:18:38,741
[Exhales] Well, I should get
back to my office.
496
00:18:38,775 --> 00:18:40,843
As long as I have one.
497
00:18:40,877 --> 00:18:43,512
Chris, I'm not one
for positive thinking
498
00:18:43,546 --> 00:18:45,864
or visualization
or meditation
499
00:18:45,899 --> 00:18:48,183
or really anything in the world
that you believe in.
500
00:18:48,718 --> 00:18:51,687
But you might consider
the upside of losing your job.
501
00:18:52,421 --> 00:18:53,455
For example?
502
00:18:53,490 --> 00:18:56,225
You would no longer be
a government parasite,
503
00:18:56,259 --> 00:18:58,994
sucking the lifeblood from
honest, hardworking people.
504
00:18:59,029 --> 00:19:03,465
Instead, you'd contribute
to society like a man.
505
00:19:03,500 --> 00:19:05,367
That's just one way
it might be good.
506
00:19:05,402 --> 00:19:07,020
I'm sure there are others.
507
00:19:08,971 --> 00:19:10,541
I'm sure there are.
508
00:19:14,728 --> 00:19:16,979
Uh-oh. You look serious.
What's on the agenda?
509
00:19:17,013 --> 00:19:18,564
Just one item, Jennifer.
510
00:19:18,598 --> 00:19:20,048
You're going to announce
511
00:19:20,066 --> 00:19:21,550
that Bobby Newport will use
his personal fortune
512
00:19:21,584 --> 00:19:22,818
to save the animal shelter.
513
00:19:22,852 --> 00:19:25,988
No.
No, that's...
514
00:19:26,022 --> 00:19:28,724
that's, um...
515
00:19:28,758 --> 00:19:30,225
that is a great idea.
516
00:19:30,260 --> 00:19:32,528
In fact, I don't know why
I hadn't thought of it already.
517
00:19:32,562 --> 00:19:33,829
Damn it.
Damn it!
518
00:19:33,863 --> 00:19:35,230
[Bangs table]
519
00:19:35,265 --> 00:19:36,615
I swear the air in this town
is killing my brain cells.
520
00:19:36,666 --> 00:19:38,300
Actually, the water's not good
for you either.
521
00:19:38,335 --> 00:19:39,535
You shouldn't drink
the tap water.
522
00:19:39,569 --> 00:19:40,703
Has anyone told you that yet?
523
00:19:40,737 --> 00:19:43,172
In exchange,
no more puppy killer ads
524
00:19:43,206 --> 00:19:44,707
for the rest of the campaign.
525
00:19:44,741 --> 00:19:46,575
- That's all we ask.
- Okay.
526
00:19:46,593 --> 00:19:48,877
Well, what's to stop me
from just paying for the shelter
527
00:19:48,912 --> 00:19:49,878
and still running the ads?
528
00:19:49,913 --> 00:19:51,380
Because I told
councilman Pillner
529
00:19:51,414 --> 00:19:52,748
that if you don't agree
to our terms,
530
00:19:52,782 --> 00:19:54,049
he should cut
the Parks budget.
531
00:19:54,084 --> 00:19:56,752
And we'll leak that
it was Leslie's decision
532
00:19:56,786 --> 00:19:58,554
and yours seem
tough and fair,
533
00:19:58,588 --> 00:20:01,056
what with sacrificing
her old apartment.
534
00:20:01,091 --> 00:20:03,425
Okay, what's in it
for you?
535
00:20:03,460 --> 00:20:05,694
A safe home for the animals,
a job for my friend,
536
00:20:05,729 --> 00:20:06,995
and a full Parks budget.
537
00:20:07,030 --> 00:20:08,464
I wasn't born yesterday.
538
00:20:08,498 --> 00:20:10,999
You've gotta have an angle.
This is a home run for us!
539
00:20:11,034 --> 00:20:12,901
We're gonna dominate
the news cycle for a whole week.
540
00:20:12,935 --> 00:20:15,454
Well, you can have this week.
We'll take the next one.
541
00:20:15,488 --> 00:20:17,506
Oh, yeah?
What makes you so sure?
542
00:20:17,540 --> 00:20:19,775
Because in a week,
we have a debate.
543
00:20:19,793 --> 00:20:22,611
And your guy Bobby Newport
is gonna have to show up,
544
00:20:22,645 --> 00:20:24,613
and he's gonna
have to open his mouth.
545
00:20:24,647 --> 00:20:27,349
And I'm gonna kick his ass.
546
00:20:27,384 --> 00:20:30,085
She'll take care of that.
See ya next week!
547
00:20:34,537 --> 00:20:36,938
How's my best buddy?
Just bought this.
548
00:20:37,022 --> 00:20:38,423
Cranium. It's a board game.
Have you heard of it?
549
00:20:38,457 --> 00:20:41,342
It is literally the most fun
I have ever had.
550
00:20:41,393 --> 00:20:42,494
What do you say,
after work,
551
00:20:42,528 --> 00:20:45,497
you, me, whiskey, wheatgrass,
Cranium?
552
00:20:45,531 --> 00:20:47,215
- Ron?
- Chris?
553
00:20:47,249 --> 00:20:49,768
Sorry, he's meditating.
554
00:20:49,802 --> 00:20:51,269
He asked me to tell
anyone who comes in
555
00:20:51,303 --> 00:20:53,404
that he wishes
to remain undisturbed
556
00:20:53,439 --> 00:20:56,274
so as to better clarify
his head space.
557
00:20:56,308 --> 00:20:57,609
Oh, God, Ron.
I am so sorry.
558
00:20:57,643 --> 00:20:58,959
I'll let you get at it.
559
00:21:04,643 --> 00:21:09,959
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
www.tvsubtitles.net