1
00:00:00,900 --> 00:00:03,067
Okay, everybody,
latest poll is
2
00:00:03,231 --> 00:00:05,799
Newport, 40%,
Leslie, 32%,
3
00:00:05,867 --> 00:00:07,368
with everyone else way back.
4
00:00:07,436 --> 00:00:10,371
Now this debate is our best
chance to close that gap.
5
00:00:10,439 --> 00:00:13,273
Chris, Ann, and Tom, you guys
will be talking to reporters,
6
00:00:13,341 --> 00:00:15,041
providing facts, general spin.
7
00:00:15,109 --> 00:00:16,676
- Spin team!
- Spin team!
8
00:00:16,743 --> 00:00:19,179
This is the best
possible job for me.
9
00:00:19,246 --> 00:00:21,581
I can literally make
anything sound positive.
10
00:00:21,648 --> 00:00:23,149
Your house just burned down,
11
00:00:23,217 --> 00:00:24,484
and you lost all your money
in the stock market.
12
00:00:24,551 --> 00:00:26,019
It's a chance to start over.
13
00:00:26,087 --> 00:00:27,787
Fire is cleansing,
and true wealth
14
00:00:27,855 --> 00:00:29,221
is measured by the amount
of love in your life.
15
00:00:29,289 --> 00:00:34,193
If I had to have anybody
tell me that I had cancer,
16
00:00:34,260 --> 00:00:35,494
I would want it to be me.
17
00:00:35,561 --> 00:00:37,162
Ron, April, and Andy,
you'll be throwing
18
00:00:37,230 --> 00:00:38,597
a party
for our biggest donors.
19
00:00:38,664 --> 00:00:40,332
[British accent] Ooh,
I can't believe our house
20
00:00:40,400 --> 00:00:42,301
is going to be full
of rich people
21
00:00:42,369 --> 00:00:44,970
named Dottie
and Todd and Rick.
22
00:00:45,037 --> 00:00:46,871
Is the menu all set?
23
00:00:46,938 --> 00:00:49,740
Yes, I will be providing
several slabs
24
00:00:49,808 --> 00:00:51,542
of my world-famous
Swanson ribs.
25
00:00:51,610 --> 00:00:55,046
And I will be providing
my world-famous $100 lap dances.
26
00:00:55,114 --> 00:00:55,913
- Sweet!
- No.
27
00:00:55,981 --> 00:00:57,215
Okay.
28
00:00:57,282 --> 00:00:58,483
The election
is in two weeks.
29
00:00:58,550 --> 00:01:00,951
The debate
is in nine hours.
30
00:01:01,019 --> 00:01:01,951
Let's get to work.
31
00:01:02,020 --> 00:01:04,488
[Cheering]
32
00:01:04,555 --> 00:01:07,557
[Triumphant music]
33
00:01:07,625 --> 00:01:12,225
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
34
00:01:25,457 --> 00:01:26,742
Wow.
35
00:01:26,809 --> 00:01:28,744
Can't believe
we're doing this here.
36
00:01:28,811 --> 00:01:31,280
Seats, like, 800 people.
37
00:01:31,348 --> 00:01:32,314
Well, that's what you get
when your opponent's
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00:01:32,382 --> 00:01:34,082
the most famous person
in town.
39
00:01:34,150 --> 00:01:36,685
This is a lot bigger than my
high school debate auditorium.
40
00:01:37,753 --> 00:01:38,687
4 feet.
41
00:01:38,755 --> 00:01:40,422
Exact same size
as the podium you use
44
00:01:42,926 --> 00:01:44,159
I am Leslie Knope.
45
00:01:44,226 --> 00:01:45,994
I love this town,
46
00:01:46,062 --> 00:01:47,596
and I've worked my whole life
to make it great.
47
00:01:47,664 --> 00:01:49,197
I believe that
I've earned your vote.
48
00:01:49,265 --> 00:01:50,798
Bobby Newport believes
he can buy it.
49
00:01:50,866 --> 00:01:52,332
- You got this.
- I got this.
50
00:01:52,400 --> 00:01:53,701
You could debate Newport
in your sleep.
51
00:01:53,769 --> 00:01:54,936
I have.
52
00:01:55,003 --> 00:01:56,070
I know.
We sleep in the same bed.
53
00:01:56,137 --> 00:01:57,337
It's been hell.
54
00:01:57,405 --> 00:01:58,906
I finally get
a chance to stand
55
00:01:58,974 --> 00:02:01,876
in front of everyone and talk
about the town that I love.
56
00:02:01,944 --> 00:02:03,678
What if the town loves Bobby
more than me?
57
00:02:03,745 --> 00:02:05,979
There's no way.
You're going to destroy him.
58
00:02:06,047 --> 00:02:07,547
I'm going to wipe the floor
with his face.
59
00:02:07,615 --> 00:02:09,849
You're going to rip out
his spine with your teeth
60
00:02:09,917 --> 00:02:12,318
and then chew it up
and gargle with it.
61
00:02:12,386 --> 00:02:14,854
[Giggles] I love it when
you're needlessly disgusting.
62
00:02:14,922 --> 00:02:16,690
I'm trying to clean up
for the party,
63
00:02:16,757 --> 00:02:19,859
but I swear to God,
my arms can't move that way.
64
00:02:19,927 --> 00:02:21,194
Leave it messy.
It doesn't matter.
65
00:02:21,261 --> 00:02:24,797
Nothing matters.
Life is garbage.
66
00:02:24,864 --> 00:02:26,331
What happened?
67
00:02:26,399 --> 00:02:28,834
Ann broke up with me.
For reals this time.
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00:02:28,902 --> 00:02:31,269
And all I did was call
into this radio station
69
00:02:31,337 --> 00:02:32,671
and give her a sweet
little shout-out.
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00:02:32,739 --> 00:02:33,973
[Over radio]
So we're up in the club.
71
00:02:34,040 --> 00:02:34,907
- It's me!
[Over radio] We're dancing.
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00:02:34,975 --> 00:02:36,709
We're sweating.
73
00:02:36,776 --> 00:02:38,243
Let's just say we got
to second that night.
74
00:02:38,311 --> 00:02:40,711
- Kind of.
[Radio] Me so horny.
75
00:02:40,778 --> 00:02:42,546
[Over radio] This chick's
name is Ann Perkins.
76
00:02:42,615 --> 00:02:44,816
Look her up
on the government website.
77
00:02:44,883 --> 00:02:46,484
She is crazy hot.
Isn't that great?
78
00:02:46,551 --> 00:02:48,552
Come here.
Aah!
79
00:02:48,621 --> 00:02:50,387
I complimented you.
80
00:02:50,455 --> 00:02:53,790
I guess she's just afraid of
how powerful her feelings are.
81
00:02:53,858 --> 00:02:55,425
Dude, that's not why
she broke up with you.
82
00:02:55,493 --> 00:02:57,193
You have to stop
your stupid swagger
83
00:02:57,261 --> 00:03:00,563
and just tell her in a normal
voice that you care about her.
84
00:03:00,632 --> 00:03:02,499
What do you know?
You don't care about things.
85
00:03:02,566 --> 00:03:04,467
Yes, I do,
I care about...
86
00:03:04,535 --> 00:03:08,071
Andy...
And champion.
87
00:03:08,139 --> 00:03:10,640
And I want Leslie to win,
and I like sleeping.
88
00:03:10,707 --> 00:03:12,541
So everybody has things
they care about.
89
00:03:12,609 --> 00:03:14,677
If Ann is yours,
you need to tell her.
90
00:03:14,745 --> 00:03:16,178
[Sighs]
91
00:03:16,246 --> 00:03:18,380
[Indistinct chatter]
92
00:03:18,448 --> 00:03:20,716
Okay, Chris,
hypothetical crisis.
93
00:03:20,784 --> 00:03:22,317
Leslie just tried
to answer a question
94
00:03:22,385 --> 00:03:25,487
and audibly farted
then threw up. Spin.
95
00:03:25,555 --> 00:03:28,289
Leslie Knope
is literally overflowing
96
00:03:28,357 --> 00:03:30,091
with ideas for this town.
97
00:03:30,159 --> 00:03:32,226
And speaking of methane,
have you heard about her plan
98
00:03:32,294 --> 00:03:33,628
to limit greenhouse
gas emissions?
99
00:03:33,696 --> 00:03:35,096
- Wow.
- Nice.
100
00:03:35,164 --> 00:03:36,531
- Spin team!
- Spin team!
101
00:03:36,598 --> 00:03:38,399
Ann and I make
such a great team.
102
00:03:38,467 --> 00:03:40,702
It's silly that we're not
a team in real life.
103
00:03:40,770 --> 00:03:41,969
I just heard those words
come out of my mouth,
104
00:03:42,037 --> 00:03:43,403
and I have made a decision.
105
00:03:43,471 --> 00:03:47,274
I've heard that you
and Tom Haverford
106
00:03:47,341 --> 00:03:48,508
are no longer
romantically involved.
107
00:03:48,576 --> 00:03:49,509
Is that true?
108
00:03:49,577 --> 00:03:51,611
Yes, we broke up.
109
00:03:51,680 --> 00:03:54,281
And I honestly can't believe
we ever dated.
110
00:03:54,348 --> 00:03:56,817
Does defy logic.
111
00:03:56,885 --> 00:03:59,351
Okay, I still have
feelings for you.
112
00:03:59,419 --> 00:04:00,687
Strong feelings.
113
00:04:00,754 --> 00:04:03,556
Emotional, primal feelings.
114
00:04:03,623 --> 00:04:06,759
And I would like to give
our relationship another try.
115
00:04:06,827 --> 00:04:11,630
Chris, we dated for, like,
three months a year ago.
116
00:04:11,699 --> 00:04:13,265
I honestly think
that you've built this
117
00:04:13,333 --> 00:04:15,500
into something
that it wasn't.
118
00:04:15,568 --> 00:04:17,502
And according to your rule,
119
00:04:17,570 --> 00:04:19,004
we can't date
because you're my boss.
120
00:04:19,072 --> 00:04:20,405
Maybe not for long.
121
00:04:20,472 --> 00:04:22,841
If Newport wins,
the city council may replace me.
122
00:04:22,909 --> 00:04:27,779
But it would open it up
for us to be together.
123
00:04:27,847 --> 00:04:30,114
Would you like that?
124
00:04:30,182 --> 00:04:32,282
Don't answer.
Just think about it.
125
00:04:32,350 --> 00:04:35,086
Come on.
Let's spin.
126
00:04:38,389 --> 00:04:39,924
So you do a lot
of investing?
127
00:04:39,991 --> 00:04:41,425
- We like to dabble.
- Mm-hmm.
128
00:04:41,492 --> 00:04:42,659
I recently invested
129
00:04:42,728 --> 00:04:45,529
in some shirts I got
at a garage sale.
130
00:04:45,597 --> 00:04:47,831
Left those at Wendy's
on the way home.
131
00:04:47,898 --> 00:04:49,365
[Fake laughs]
So...
132
00:04:49,433 --> 00:04:51,000
The economy.
133
00:04:51,068 --> 00:04:54,003
[Fake laughter]
134
00:04:54,071 --> 00:04:55,238
Hello.
135
00:04:55,305 --> 00:04:56,572
You are here
136
00:04:56,640 --> 00:04:58,574
because you gave us money.
137
00:04:58,642 --> 00:05:01,410
Now we will give you ribs.
138
00:05:01,478 --> 00:05:02,911
Also you will watch
the debate.
139
00:05:02,979 --> 00:05:06,048
If you like the debate,
you'll give us more money.
140
00:05:06,116 --> 00:05:09,051
That is all.
Ron Swanson.
141
00:05:12,555 --> 00:05:15,590
Uh-oh. Somebody forgot
to pay the cable bill.
142
00:05:15,658 --> 00:05:18,292
[Laughs]
Am I right?
143
00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:19,293
It was me.
144
00:05:19,361 --> 00:05:21,395
Do it.
145
00:05:21,463 --> 00:05:22,563
Fierce. Power.
146
00:05:22,631 --> 00:05:24,365
Pump it up.
2012.
147
00:05:24,432 --> 00:05:25,767
[Sarah McLachlan's
I will remember you]
148
00:05:25,834 --> 00:05:27,268
Nothing gets me more amped
than Sarah McLachlan.
149
00:05:27,335 --> 00:05:29,070
Opening statement.
150
00:05:29,138 --> 00:05:30,938
I am Leslie Knope.
I love this town.
151
00:05:31,006 --> 00:05:32,306
I've worked my whole life
to make it great.
152
00:05:32,374 --> 00:05:33,507
I believe
I've earned your vote.
153
00:05:33,575 --> 00:05:35,708
Bobby Newport believes
he can buy it.
154
00:05:35,777 --> 00:05:37,443
I have the best campaign manager
in the world.
155
00:05:37,511 --> 00:05:39,579
I wouldn't say that.
Jen's a killer.
156
00:05:39,647 --> 00:05:41,982
You can beat Newport.
I don't know if I can beat her.
157
00:05:43,049 --> 00:05:44,350
Here's what I know.
158
00:05:44,418 --> 00:05:45,685
I love you,
and I like you.
159
00:05:45,753 --> 00:05:48,454
I love you,
and I like you.
160
00:05:49,790 --> 00:05:53,859
♪ And the home of the ♪
161
00:05:53,927 --> 00:05:59,698
♪ brave ♪
162
00:06:02,535 --> 00:06:04,870
[Cheers and applause]
163
00:06:05,938 --> 00:06:07,906
Your boy looks
a little lost out there.
164
00:06:07,973 --> 00:06:08,907
Oh, he'll be fine.
165
00:06:08,974 --> 00:06:10,842
Expectations are crazy low.
166
00:06:10,910 --> 00:06:12,310
If he puts
two sentences together
167
00:06:12,377 --> 00:06:13,845
without crying,
the press is going to say
168
00:06:13,913 --> 00:06:15,979
he's doing surprisingly well,
and if he falls to pieces,
169
00:06:16,047 --> 00:06:17,347
he's going to look sympathetic.
It's a win-win.
170
00:06:17,415 --> 00:06:20,350
So do you have any idea how long
this is going to take?
171
00:06:20,418 --> 00:06:22,085
Good evening, everyone,
and welcome to the event
172
00:06:22,153 --> 00:06:25,989
we are doing tonight, which is
a city council candidate debate
173
00:06:26,057 --> 00:06:29,059
that we're going to start now.
I'm Perd Hapley.
174
00:06:29,127 --> 00:06:33,162
And I am legendary newswoman
Joan Callamezzo, newly single.
175
00:06:33,230 --> 00:06:35,597
It's time
for opening statements.
176
00:06:35,665 --> 00:06:37,133
I am Fester Trim.
177
00:06:37,201 --> 00:06:40,102
Many of you know me as the man
who sells you your guns
178
00:06:40,170 --> 00:06:42,305
at the gun-believable
Gun Emporium.
179
00:06:42,372 --> 00:06:44,406
Whoo!
180
00:06:44,474 --> 00:06:46,608
I want to tell you
about my idea
181
00:06:46,676 --> 00:06:49,945
for assault rifle
vending machines.
182
00:06:50,012 --> 00:06:52,647
You might be thinking,
"what does an adult film star
183
00:06:52,715 --> 00:06:54,282
know about politics?"
184
00:06:54,350 --> 00:06:56,384
Well, I've produced
and starred in
185
00:06:56,452 --> 00:06:58,786
over 400 adult films
this year alone.
186
00:06:58,855 --> 00:07:00,288
- Whoo!
- Thank you.
187
00:07:00,356 --> 00:07:02,157
And just like Leslie,
I know
188
00:07:02,225 --> 00:07:05,459
what it's like to be the only
woman in a room full of men.
189
00:07:05,526 --> 00:07:06,760
I am Manrico Della Rossa.
190
00:07:06,828 --> 00:07:09,997
I believe animals are
as important as people.
191
00:07:10,065 --> 00:07:12,466
And if elected,
I will fight for them
192
00:07:12,533 --> 00:07:14,168
as if they are
my own children.
193
00:07:14,236 --> 00:07:15,502
I am Leslie Knope.
194
00:07:15,570 --> 00:07:17,404
I love this town,
195
00:07:17,472 --> 00:07:19,572
and I've worked my whole life
to make it great.
196
00:07:19,639 --> 00:07:22,141
I believe that
I've earned your vote.
197
00:07:22,209 --> 00:07:25,144
Bobby Newport believes
he can buy it.
198
00:07:25,212 --> 00:07:27,180
And maybe that's because he's
never earned anything
199
00:07:27,248 --> 00:07:30,149
his entire life.
200
00:07:30,217 --> 00:07:32,585
That--that hurt my feelings.
Hurt my feelings.
201
00:07:32,652 --> 00:07:34,420
You're supposed to be
this positive person.
202
00:07:34,488 --> 00:07:36,154
Can't we just talk
about things we like?
203
00:07:36,222 --> 00:07:37,923
[Applause]
204
00:07:37,991 --> 00:07:39,524
Well said.
205
00:07:39,592 --> 00:07:41,493
Uh, just a reminder
to our candidates
206
00:07:41,560 --> 00:07:43,728
to keep it civil.
207
00:07:43,796 --> 00:07:44,829
Looking at you, Leslie.
208
00:07:44,898 --> 00:07:46,831
Ah, that's okay, Joan.
209
00:07:46,900 --> 00:07:48,666
- I'm okay. I'm just--
- [Mouths words]
210
00:07:48,734 --> 00:07:50,935
I'm nervous, man.
I'm nervous. Gah.
211
00:07:51,003 --> 00:07:53,371
I guess I want
to do a good job
212
00:07:53,438 --> 00:07:56,573
because, um, I like it when
people think I do a good job.
213
00:07:56,641 --> 00:07:59,576
And I want your vote
because I want Pawnee and my dad
214
00:07:59,644 --> 00:08:01,913
to see what I'm made of.
215
00:08:02,980 --> 00:08:04,515
So let's do this.
216
00:08:04,582 --> 00:08:06,850
[Cheers and applause]
217
00:08:07,318 --> 00:08:08,051
The wrecking crew.
218
00:08:08,619 --> 00:08:09,952
Who let you guys in?
219
00:08:10,020 --> 00:08:11,353
Hey, Jason.
220
00:08:11,422 --> 00:08:13,790
[Applause]
221
00:08:13,857 --> 00:08:16,293
Ease back.
222
00:08:18,537 --> 00:08:20,671
This question
about public safety
223
00:08:20,839 --> 00:08:22,906
comes from Twitter
because apparently,
224
00:08:22,908 --> 00:08:24,942
that's something
that happens now.
225
00:08:25,060 --> 00:08:29,580
@munchmeat2015 asks,
"Pawnee used 2 b safe.
226
00:08:29,882 --> 00:08:32,348
"Some1 stole my car.
227
00:08:32,350 --> 00:08:33,383
"What will u do
228
00:08:33,451 --> 00:08:35,118
"2 make Pawnee safe
229
00:08:35,186 --> 00:08:36,753
& can u help me
find my car?"
230
00:08:36,821 --> 00:08:38,788
I can assure you,
231
00:08:38,856 --> 00:08:42,158
if you had a gun
mounted on the dashboard,
232
00:08:42,226 --> 00:08:45,929
which automatically shot people
trying to break into it,
233
00:08:45,997 --> 00:08:47,963
you would still have your car.
[Light applause]
234
00:08:48,031 --> 00:08:50,633
You know, I guess I would like
to tell Mr. Munchmeat
235
00:08:50,700 --> 00:08:52,467
that I think that stinks
that happened to him.
236
00:08:52,536 --> 00:08:54,169
You know, one time
a guy stole
237
00:08:54,237 --> 00:08:55,938
some downhill skis
out of my jeep.
238
00:08:56,006 --> 00:08:59,141
And I was so mad,
I punched a mailbox.
239
00:08:59,208 --> 00:09:02,411
I'm against crime,
and I'm not ashamed to admit it.
240
00:09:02,478 --> 00:09:06,681
[Applause]
241
00:09:07,249 --> 00:09:08,816
I can't get through
to the cable company.
242
00:09:08,884 --> 00:09:10,518
Can you do something?
243
00:09:10,586 --> 00:09:12,987
- Like what?
- Anything.
244
00:09:13,055 --> 00:09:15,256
Andy's just acting out scenes
from his favorite movies.
245
00:09:15,323 --> 00:09:16,858
[Imitates motorcycle engine]
246
00:09:16,926 --> 00:09:18,892
So Swayze runs,
boom!
247
00:09:18,960 --> 00:09:21,127
Tackles the guy
off the motorcycle.
248
00:09:21,195 --> 00:09:22,495
Dude's like, "you're dead, bro!"
Comes at him.
249
00:09:22,564 --> 00:09:24,598
Swayze ducks, scissor kick.
Sha!
250
00:09:24,666 --> 00:09:26,099
The guy has Swayze's head.
251
00:09:26,167 --> 00:09:28,669
And he says, "I used to [Bleep]
guys like you in prison."
252
00:09:28,736 --> 00:09:30,037
By the looks
of this guy,
253
00:09:30,104 --> 00:09:32,039
this is not consensual sex
we're talking about.
254
00:09:32,106 --> 00:09:33,473
We see bad guy
255
00:09:33,541 --> 00:09:35,575
had a gun
the whole time.
256
00:09:35,642 --> 00:09:38,243
He's like, "I'ma kill you
the old-fashioned way."
257
00:09:38,311 --> 00:09:40,512
Swayze's like,
"not this time."
258
00:09:40,581 --> 00:09:41,647
That's subtext.
He doesn't say that.
259
00:09:41,715 --> 00:09:44,183
Bypasses the gun,
hooks the arm.
260
00:09:44,250 --> 00:09:45,685
Back to the secret move
he used before
261
00:09:45,752 --> 00:09:47,419
to kill somebody,
he feels so bad about it.
262
00:09:47,487 --> 00:09:49,254
But this time he has to do it
because it's self-defense.
263
00:09:49,322 --> 00:09:51,122
K-k-k-kah!
264
00:09:51,190 --> 00:09:54,092
Takes the esophagus
out of the neck area.
265
00:09:54,159 --> 00:09:55,860
You can't eat.
You'll starve to death.
266
00:09:55,928 --> 00:09:58,162
And that is Road House.
267
00:09:58,230 --> 00:09:59,598
What should I do next?
268
00:09:59,665 --> 00:10:00,966
Leslie Knope.
269
00:10:01,033 --> 00:10:03,267
This question is about
Pawnee's park system.
270
00:10:03,335 --> 00:10:07,571
Why is Ramsett Park
so filthy and awful?
271
00:10:07,639 --> 00:10:11,141
It's difficult to get
into the complicated problems
272
00:10:11,209 --> 00:10:12,375
with Ramsett Park in such
a short amount of time.
273
00:10:12,443 --> 00:10:14,645
- You have 20 seconds.
- Oh, my God, okay.
274
00:10:14,713 --> 00:10:17,748
I will say that the parks
in Pawnee--
275
00:10:17,816 --> 00:10:20,718
I do have an update
on your time allotment,
276
00:10:20,785 --> 00:10:23,620
and that update is that
your time is almost gone.
277
00:10:23,687 --> 00:10:25,221
I have no more time left?
278
00:10:25,288 --> 00:10:27,724
Well, you had some time
when I started talking,
279
00:10:27,791 --> 00:10:29,626
but by the time I finished,
your time was up.
280
00:10:29,693 --> 00:10:30,960
Thank you very much.
281
00:10:31,028 --> 00:10:32,495
- She's off her game.
- She's fine.
282
00:10:32,562 --> 00:10:34,130
Mr. Newport, rebuttal.
283
00:10:34,197 --> 00:10:36,933
I know this. If something is
dirty, we should clean it up.
284
00:10:37,001 --> 00:10:37,834
Let's start there.
[Applause]
285
00:10:37,901 --> 00:10:41,803
Right?
286
00:10:41,871 --> 00:10:44,506
You know what, I had this
cleaning lady named Yolanda
287
00:10:44,573 --> 00:10:45,941
who was very wise.
288
00:10:46,009 --> 00:10:47,676
She basically raised me.
289
00:10:47,744 --> 00:10:50,445
And one day she said,
"little Bobby,
290
00:10:50,513 --> 00:10:52,480
I'm not going to clean
your room no mas."
291
00:10:52,548 --> 00:10:54,982
And from that day on,
my room was gross.
292
00:10:55,050 --> 00:10:56,216
Really bummed me out.
293
00:10:56,284 --> 00:10:58,185
I think we should make
our parks
294
00:10:58,253 --> 00:10:59,353
look like my room
295
00:10:59,420 --> 00:11:01,255
after Yolanda
finally, you know,
296
00:11:01,322 --> 00:11:02,857
gave in and cleaned it up
for me.
297
00:11:02,924 --> 00:11:04,825
If I may, Joan.
298
00:11:04,893 --> 00:11:05,960
That's a very sweet story,
Bobby,
299
00:11:06,028 --> 00:11:07,828
but not all of us
have Yolandas
300
00:11:07,896 --> 00:11:09,530
who can clean up
our room for us.
301
00:11:10,097 --> 00:11:10,864
Some of us believe
302
00:11:10,931 --> 00:11:12,298
that you need to roll up
your sleeves
303
00:11:12,366 --> 00:11:14,000
and do the hard work
yourself.
304
00:11:14,068 --> 00:11:15,535
[Applause]
305
00:11:15,602 --> 00:11:17,671
I'd just like to say that,
like Leslie,
306
00:11:17,738 --> 00:11:19,505
I don't have people
do my work for me.
307
00:11:19,573 --> 00:11:22,042
Leslie and I do
our work ourselves.
308
00:11:22,109 --> 00:11:23,810
My work, of course,
is having sex
309
00:11:23,878 --> 00:11:26,912
with men and women
on camera.
310
00:11:26,980 --> 00:11:31,750
Once again, Brandi and Leslie
are essentially the same person.
311
00:11:31,818 --> 00:11:34,953
But Bobby Newport is
super handsome and charming,
312
00:11:35,021 --> 00:11:37,723
so that means people
will probably vote for him
313
00:11:37,791 --> 00:11:40,358
because there's no justice
in the world.
314
00:11:40,426 --> 00:11:42,627
How do you respond
to Newport's claim
315
00:11:42,695 --> 00:11:44,128
that the city parks
need to be cleaned up?
316
00:11:44,196 --> 00:11:46,530
Leslie Knope works tirelessly
every day,
317
00:11:46,598 --> 00:11:49,200
so our parks can be
the best they can be.
318
00:11:49,267 --> 00:11:51,803
78% of Pawneeans label
our parks "pristine."
319
00:11:51,870 --> 00:11:53,871
And we all know
the better-looking a park is,
320
00:11:53,939 --> 00:11:56,207
the more attention it will get
from lady parks
321
00:11:56,274 --> 00:11:58,875
who want to have sex
with it.
322
00:11:58,943 --> 00:11:59,843
Excuse us.
323
00:11:59,911 --> 00:12:01,444
What the hell is wrong with you?
324
00:12:01,512 --> 00:12:03,080
We're fighting
for our lives out there.
325
00:12:03,147 --> 00:12:04,915
Oh, I don't know.
326
00:12:04,982 --> 00:12:06,416
Maybe the fact
that we just broke up,
327
00:12:06,483 --> 00:12:07,650
and you're already riding
the Traeger train.
328
00:12:07,719 --> 00:12:09,519
What are you talking about?
329
00:12:09,587 --> 00:12:11,621
I saw you guys getting back
together. What about us?
330
00:12:11,689 --> 00:12:13,223
What about us, Tom?
331
00:12:13,290 --> 00:12:14,357
We're not together
any more
332
00:12:14,425 --> 00:12:15,925
because you keep acting
like an ass.
333
00:12:16,492 --> 00:12:17,492
I'm sorry.
334
00:12:17,560 --> 00:12:20,196
I just act that way
sometimes...
335
00:12:20,263 --> 00:12:22,631
Because I'm nervous,
and...
336
00:12:22,699 --> 00:12:24,366
I feel like
you're out of my league.
337
00:12:24,434 --> 00:12:27,103
But I'd do anything to get back
together with you.
338
00:12:27,170 --> 00:12:28,938
Please.
339
00:12:29,005 --> 00:12:30,606
Vote for me to be
your boyfriend.
340
00:12:30,673 --> 00:12:32,040
[Sighs]
341
00:12:32,108 --> 00:12:34,508
Ben, he's winning.
How is he winning?
342
00:12:34,576 --> 00:12:35,610
Everything he's saying
is nonsense,
343
00:12:35,677 --> 00:12:36,811
and he's fooling them.
344
00:12:36,879 --> 00:12:37,912
Okay, you're doing fine.
345
00:12:37,980 --> 00:12:39,513
I need to go back
on the attack.
346
00:12:39,581 --> 00:12:41,082
No! No, no, no, no, no.
See, okay.
347
00:12:41,150 --> 00:12:43,017
When you attacked, you kind of
came off like a bully,
348
00:12:43,085 --> 00:12:44,652
and he looked sympathetic,
so, you know,
349
00:12:44,720 --> 00:12:46,487
y-you did a really good job
of easing off.
350
00:12:46,555 --> 00:12:49,723
- Leslie, this is fun, isn't it?
- Yeah.
351
00:12:49,791 --> 00:12:51,591
Well, there's no reason
on earth that I can think of
352
00:12:51,659 --> 00:12:53,727
that we shouldn't have
concussion grenades
353
00:12:53,795 --> 00:12:55,896
in our nation's
movie theaters.
354
00:12:55,964 --> 00:12:57,497
By the year 2013,
we will have
355
00:12:57,565 --> 00:12:59,666
a fully functional mall
on Jupiter.
356
00:12:59,734 --> 00:13:02,636
Sure, I agree that movies
should be more faithful
357
00:13:02,703 --> 00:13:04,003
to the books that
they are based on,
358
00:13:04,071 --> 00:13:05,537
but what does that have
to do with this election?
359
00:13:05,605 --> 00:13:07,406
All my movies
are based on books.
360
00:13:07,474 --> 00:13:10,575
And anyone who even
rubs their hands
361
00:13:10,643 --> 00:13:12,744
on a leather jacket
362
00:13:12,812 --> 00:13:14,746
should be tried for murder.
363
00:13:14,814 --> 00:13:17,883
I'm an American.
My father is an American.
364
00:13:17,950 --> 00:13:20,685
My mother is an American.
365
00:13:20,753 --> 00:13:22,720
My godfather is the viceroy
366
00:13:22,789 --> 00:13:24,589
of the principality
of Liechtenstein.
367
00:13:24,657 --> 00:13:28,358
Once again, people,
grenade launcher.
368
00:13:28,426 --> 00:13:30,360
Daniel Craig.
369
00:13:30,428 --> 00:13:33,730
No...
Timothy Dalton.
370
00:13:33,799 --> 00:13:36,433
I was in favor of closing
the borders bookstore,
371
00:13:36,501 --> 00:13:38,169
not the border to Mexico.
372
00:13:38,236 --> 00:13:40,971
I guess my thoughts
on abortion are...
373
00:13:41,039 --> 00:13:42,605
You know, let's just all
have a good time.
374
00:13:42,673 --> 00:13:45,641
I don't care about that issue.
Just ask someone else.
375
00:13:45,709 --> 00:13:47,110
For the record,
I'd appear in a film
376
00:13:47,178 --> 00:13:49,578
with any
of my fellow candidates.
377
00:13:52,516 --> 00:13:54,350
- Anteaters.
- Kill shot.
378
00:13:54,418 --> 00:13:56,052
- Money shot.
- Fudgsicles.
379
00:13:56,120 --> 00:13:57,920
Let's spend our money
on what matters.
380
00:13:57,987 --> 00:13:59,888
Police, fire,
381
00:13:59,956 --> 00:14:01,489
parks, and schools.
382
00:14:01,557 --> 00:14:03,458
[Cheers and applause]
383
00:14:03,526 --> 00:14:06,461
After a rough start,
your girl's doing okay.
384
00:14:06,529 --> 00:14:09,131
Um, I think she's doing
a little better than okay.
385
00:14:09,199 --> 00:14:10,833
Or did you miss
the applause
386
00:14:10,900 --> 00:14:12,367
she got on
the raccoon safety question?
387
00:14:12,435 --> 00:14:13,802
Oh, that was great.
388
00:14:13,869 --> 00:14:16,503
That probably pulled her even
with Bobby. [Yawns]
389
00:14:16,571 --> 00:14:18,306
I can't believe you're
so casual about this.
390
00:14:18,373 --> 00:14:19,606
Don't you even want
to win the debate?
391
00:14:19,674 --> 00:14:21,608
Oh, we're gonna win
the debate.
392
00:14:21,676 --> 00:14:22,810
Got an ace in the hole.
393
00:14:22,878 --> 00:14:25,479
- Little surprisey-wisey.
- What?
394
00:14:25,547 --> 00:14:27,414
Oh, you'll see.
Hey, quick question.
395
00:14:27,482 --> 00:14:29,150
Does that guy Chris Traeger
have a girlfriend,
396
00:14:29,218 --> 00:14:30,150
and is his penis normal?
397
00:14:30,218 --> 00:14:31,818
Stop talking.
398
00:14:31,886 --> 00:14:35,621
You guys, uh, know anything
about a guy named John Rambo?
399
00:14:35,689 --> 00:14:39,392
Open on villagers being
thrown out into a rice field.
400
00:14:39,460 --> 00:14:40,961
Land mines blowing them up
into pieces.
401
00:14:41,028 --> 00:14:42,762
After I steal
this cable feed,
402
00:14:42,830 --> 00:14:45,698
I will repay the cable company
for the service we used.
403
00:14:45,766 --> 00:14:47,099
[Knuckles crack]
404
00:14:52,072 --> 00:14:53,739
This last question
before the break
405
00:14:53,806 --> 00:14:55,774
is for Mr. Newport.
406
00:14:55,842 --> 00:14:59,245
Uh, some--not me--have
criticized your involvement
407
00:14:59,312 --> 00:15:01,613
with your father's
candy company Sweetums.
408
00:15:01,681 --> 00:15:04,082
Would your affiliation
with big business
409
00:15:04,149 --> 00:15:06,351
affect your decisions
as a city councilor?
410
00:15:06,418 --> 00:15:08,786
I want to run this town
like a business.
411
00:15:08,854 --> 00:15:10,955
My opponent, Leslie Knope,
412
00:15:11,023 --> 00:15:13,691
has a very
anti-business agenda.
413
00:15:13,759 --> 00:15:16,694
Recently, my dad told me
that if Leslie Knope
414
00:15:16,762 --> 00:15:18,095
wins the election,
415
00:15:18,162 --> 00:15:20,130
they'll probably have to
move Sweetums to Mexico.
416
00:15:20,198 --> 00:15:22,032
[Audience murmuring]
417
00:15:22,100 --> 00:15:24,467
That would be terrible,
of course.
418
00:15:24,535 --> 00:15:25,969
Thousands of people
in this town
419
00:15:26,037 --> 00:15:28,872
would lose their jobs,
and we all wouldn't have candy.
420
00:15:28,940 --> 00:15:31,275
Now, I'm not saying
that is gonna happen,
421
00:15:31,342 --> 00:15:32,742
but I do know this.
422
00:15:32,810 --> 00:15:35,344
If I win...
423
00:15:35,412 --> 00:15:37,246
I bet I could
get them to stay.
424
00:15:37,314 --> 00:15:39,481
[Applause]
425
00:15:39,549 --> 00:15:41,250
Wow. Shocking stuff.
426
00:15:41,318 --> 00:15:43,552
We're gonna be back
with our closing statements
427
00:15:43,620 --> 00:15:45,687
right after a word
from our sponsor, Sweetums,
428
00:15:45,755 --> 00:15:48,490
Pawnee's biggest supplier
of candy and jobs.
429
00:15:48,558 --> 00:15:50,225
[Applause]
Stick around.
430
00:15:52,245 --> 00:15:53,645
So Sweetums is gonna
move to Mexico
431
00:15:53,713 --> 00:15:54,947
if Bobby doesn't win?
432
00:15:55,015 --> 00:15:56,415
How could they do that
to this town?
433
00:15:56,483 --> 00:15:58,717
- What a crappy stunt to pull.
- One minute back.
434
00:15:58,785 --> 00:16:00,519
What do we do?
I think we attack him.
435
00:16:00,587 --> 00:16:02,188
He's more confident now.
I have to attack him.
436
00:16:02,255 --> 00:16:04,023
And say what?
We didn't plan for this.
437
00:16:04,091 --> 00:16:05,557
- What would you even say?
- I don't know.
438
00:16:05,625 --> 00:16:06,858
I'll figure out
as I'm saying it.
439
00:16:06,925 --> 00:16:09,194
Just let me attack him.
I want to attack him.
440
00:16:09,261 --> 00:16:10,695
No, no, no, no.
It's too risky.
441
00:16:10,762 --> 00:16:12,330
Just go with the closing
statement we rehearsed.
442
00:16:12,398 --> 00:16:14,466
Add a line at the end
about how you're pro business,
443
00:16:14,533 --> 00:16:17,470
and we'll deal with
the fallout tomorrow, okay?
444
00:16:19,037 --> 00:16:21,038
What?
What's the matter with you?
445
00:16:21,106 --> 00:16:24,574
I can do it.
I can crush him.
446
00:16:24,642 --> 00:16:25,509
I promise.
447
00:16:26,576 --> 00:16:28,512
[Exhales]
448
00:16:28,579 --> 00:16:30,114
Ah, screw it.
Go get him.
449
00:16:30,181 --> 00:16:33,884
- Really?
- Kick his ass.
450
00:16:34,451 --> 00:16:39,955
♪ I am lineman
for the county ♪
451
00:16:40,023 --> 00:16:43,959
♪ and the Wichita lineman ♪
452
00:16:44,027 --> 00:16:47,195
[Siren passing in distance]
453
00:16:50,034 --> 00:16:54,802
♪ Is still the line ♪
454
00:16:55,070 --> 00:16:56,904
The final thing
these candidates will say
455
00:16:56,972 --> 00:16:58,873
are their closing statements.
456
00:16:58,941 --> 00:17:01,743
We will begin with our first
candidate to go, Bobby Newport.
457
00:17:01,810 --> 00:17:05,213
How do we fix this town?
I have no idea.
458
00:17:05,281 --> 00:17:06,681
You tell me.
459
00:17:06,749 --> 00:17:08,783
That's what I'm counting on.
You telling me.
460
00:17:09,851 --> 00:17:12,052
And that's how it ends.
461
00:17:12,120 --> 00:17:15,055
I loved it.
It's called Babe.
462
00:17:15,123 --> 00:17:17,658
And I know it sounds corny.
Talking pig. Whatever.
463
00:17:17,726 --> 00:17:19,793
You should all see it.
464
00:17:19,861 --> 00:17:22,696
[Sniffles]
I feel like I just did.
465
00:17:22,764 --> 00:17:23,964
It's on.
466
00:17:24,031 --> 00:17:26,466
And, Leslie Knope,
closing statement?
467
00:17:26,533 --> 00:17:28,269
[Exhales]
468
00:17:30,036 --> 00:17:31,804
I'm very angry.
469
00:17:31,872 --> 00:17:35,441
I'm angry
that Bobby Newport
470
00:17:35,509 --> 00:17:37,343
would hold this town hostage
471
00:17:37,411 --> 00:17:39,279
and threaten to leave
472
00:17:39,346 --> 00:17:41,247
if you don't give him
what he wants.
473
00:17:41,315 --> 00:17:43,515
It's despicable.
474
00:17:43,583 --> 00:17:47,152
Corporations are not allowed
to dictate what a city needs.
475
00:17:47,219 --> 00:17:49,554
That power belongs
to the people.
476
00:17:49,622 --> 00:17:52,724
Bobby Newport and his daddy
would like you to think
477
00:17:52,792 --> 00:17:54,926
it belongs to them.
478
00:17:54,994 --> 00:17:56,628
I love this town.
479
00:17:56,696 --> 00:17:59,897
And when you love something,
you don't threaten it.
480
00:17:59,964 --> 00:18:03,867
You don't punish it.
You fight for it.
481
00:18:03,935 --> 00:18:07,137
You take care of it.
You put it first.
482
00:18:07,505 --> 00:18:09,640
As your city councilor,
483
00:18:09,708 --> 00:18:13,577
I will make sure that no one
takes advantage of Pawnee.
484
00:18:13,645 --> 00:18:17,647
If I seem too passionate,
it's because I care.
485
00:18:17,715 --> 00:18:21,951
If I come on strong,
it's because I feel strongly.
486
00:18:22,019 --> 00:18:24,120
And if push too hard,
487
00:18:24,187 --> 00:18:26,889
it's because things aren't
moving fast enough.
488
00:18:26,957 --> 00:18:30,659
This is my home.
You are my family.
489
00:18:30,727 --> 00:18:33,862
And I promise you...
490
00:18:33,930 --> 00:18:35,931
I'm not going anywhere.
491
00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:40,102
Holy [Bleep], Leslie,
that was awesome.
492
00:18:40,169 --> 00:18:44,172
[Cheers and applause]
493
00:18:44,240 --> 00:18:47,174
Thanks, Bobby.
494
00:18:51,279 --> 00:18:54,849
- Yeah!
Play it. Woo-hoo!
495
00:18:54,916 --> 00:18:57,018
Knope 2012!
496
00:18:57,085 --> 00:18:59,486
Hyah! Hyah!
497
00:18:59,554 --> 00:19:01,956
[Rock music playing]
498
00:19:02,524 --> 00:19:03,323
Ron!
499
00:19:03,325 --> 00:19:05,225
What the voters
saw tonight
500
00:19:05,293 --> 00:19:06,493
is an undeniable fact.
501
00:19:06,561 --> 00:19:09,029
That one of these candidates
is right for this town,
502
00:19:09,096 --> 00:19:12,398
and one of them is not.
Thanks, guys.
503
00:19:12,466 --> 00:19:14,034
Ann Perkins!
Uh-oh.
504
00:19:14,101 --> 00:19:16,369
I'm sorry, Chris.
505
00:19:16,436 --> 00:19:18,437
It's very flattering.
I just--
506
00:19:18,505 --> 00:19:21,206
I just don't think
it's a good idea.
507
00:19:21,274 --> 00:19:23,108
It was worth a shot.
508
00:19:23,176 --> 00:19:25,477
Well, I hope that
whoever you end up with
509
00:19:25,545 --> 00:19:28,547
treats like you like
the amazing person that you are.
510
00:19:28,614 --> 00:19:29,848
Thank you.
511
00:19:29,916 --> 00:19:31,817
And I am going to go
run some stairs
512
00:19:31,885 --> 00:19:35,019
and work through
these feelings.
513
00:19:35,087 --> 00:19:36,721
- Is he sad?
- Oh, my God.
514
00:19:36,789 --> 00:19:38,056
He looks sad.
515
00:19:38,123 --> 00:19:39,757
I'm not going out
with Chris again.
516
00:19:39,825 --> 00:19:40,825
Does that mean we're
getting back together?
517
00:19:40,893 --> 00:19:42,359
No. I don't know.
518
00:19:42,427 --> 00:19:43,295
No, not right now.
519
00:19:43,362 --> 00:19:44,396
There's a chance
I'm never
520
00:19:44,463 --> 00:19:45,997
gonna date anyone
ever again.
521
00:19:46,065 --> 00:19:49,167
I'll take it.
And you know what else?
522
00:19:49,735 --> 00:19:51,467
I'm coming for you, girl...
523
00:19:51,535 --> 00:19:54,771
Just...Like...You...Want.
524
00:19:54,839 --> 00:19:56,540
Just get out there
and spin, man.
525
00:19:57,108 --> 00:19:58,209
You got it.
526
00:19:58,276 --> 00:20:00,578
Leslie Knope is scrappy
like a terrier.
527
00:20:00,645 --> 00:20:03,247
She's smoooooth
like a blended whiskey.
528
00:20:03,315 --> 00:20:05,782
My girl has big ideas
and big feelings,
529
00:20:05,850 --> 00:20:07,083
and she's not afraid
to express 'em.
530
00:20:07,900 --> 00:20:10,086
- Was I too mean?
- No, you were perfect.
531
00:20:10,153 --> 00:20:11,321
- Leslie!
- Hey!
532
00:20:11,388 --> 00:20:13,389
- Oh, it was amazing.
- Oh, thank you.
533
00:20:13,457 --> 00:20:15,057
Hey, how was the spin room?
534
00:20:15,125 --> 00:20:16,459
It was a lot.
We'll talk about it.
535
00:20:16,527 --> 00:20:18,160
Woo! We did it!
We did it!
536
00:20:18,229 --> 00:20:20,730
Oh, my God, I was so nervous,
but we completely go through it.
537
00:20:20,797 --> 00:20:22,098
I haven't felt this good
since I scored
538
00:20:22,165 --> 00:20:23,932
that lacrosse goal
at state, seriously.
539
00:20:23,999 --> 00:20:25,567
Hey, party at my dad's
lake house.
540
00:20:25,635 --> 00:20:27,836
Bring whoever you want.
541
00:20:34,910 --> 00:20:37,443
Scrawny Christians,
missionaries,
542
00:20:37,510 --> 00:20:38,978
come to him, and they're like,
"Are you John Rambo?"
543
00:20:39,046 --> 00:20:40,179
He's like, "yeah."
544
00:20:40,247 --> 00:20:42,281
And they're like, "we need you
to take us upriver."
545
00:20:42,349 --> 00:20:44,183
And he's like,
"it's a war zone up there."
546
00:20:44,218 --> 00:20:45,517
And they're like,
"yeah, we know.
547
00:20:45,585 --> 00:20:47,553
We're gonna change things."
548
00:20:47,620 --> 00:20:50,223
And he's like, "you bringing
any weapons?"
549
00:20:50,290 --> 00:20:51,557
They're like, "of course not."
550
00:20:51,624 --> 00:20:52,924
"Then you're not
changing anything.
551
00:20:52,992 --> 00:20:54,459
Go home."
552
00:20:54,526 --> 00:20:56,127
And then they come back
in a rainstorm.
553
00:20:56,195 --> 00:20:59,965
This time he says,
"nope. Go home."
554
00:21:00,032 --> 00:21:01,566
They go home again.
555
00:21:01,633 --> 00:21:04,569
Bottom line, they go upriver.
Does not go well.
556
00:21:04,915 --> 00:21:09,915
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
www.tvsubtitles.net