1
00:00:01,072 --> 00:00:02,439
Washington, D.C.
2
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Take a deep breath, Andy.
[Breathes deeply]
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I mean, you can practically
smell the bills becoming laws.
4
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Yeah.
5
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You can taste the sweet sugar
of bureaucracy at work.
6
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That building
looks like a boob.
7
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- Yeah, well, it's not.
- Oh, yeah, I know.
8
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- It's the White House.
- No. It's the Capitol.
9
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My amazing lover, Ben Wyatt,
is here
10
00:00:19,855 --> 00:00:21,523
working on
a congressional campaign.
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And he took April with him
as his intern.
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I'm here to visit,
but I am also here to work,
13
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because I have
a very important meeting
14
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where I am going to try to get
federal funding
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so we can clean up
the Pawnee river.
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It's a bit of a fixer-upper.
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Romantic reunions,
government meetings,
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self-guided museum tours--
19
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I mean, am I living the dream?
I don't know.
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Did I also just walk
past a food truck
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and buy myself a waffle sundae?
Yes.
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Now take out your guidebook.
23
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Oh, I didn't bring
a guidebook.
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- Oh, I brought you one.
- You did?
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- Yeah.
- Thank you.
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Now throw it away, 'cause
Leslie Knope is your guidebook.
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I didn't--
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I didn't mean literally.
There were some notes in it.
29
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Okay, grab the book,
and let's hit the National Mall.
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There's a mall?
That's awesome.
31
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I need to get some flip-flops.
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00:01:02,631 --> 00:01:05,567
[Triumphant music]
33
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Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
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Why are we having
a conference-room meeting?
35
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Leslie's gone.
36
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Ron has taken initiative,
and he is leading the meeting.
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[Laughter]
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He's not joking.
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I wanted to let you all know
that I will be throwing
40
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the annual Parks Department
employee-appreciation barbecue.
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You're going to throw
the Leslie Knope
44
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You are gonna oversee
the Popsicle-eating contest,
45
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the slip'n slide-a-thon,
46
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the watermelon carving,
the gazpacho-off,
47
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and star in a one-woman show
48
00:01:53,249 --> 00:01:54,883
about parks rules
and regulations?
49
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"Parks and Dolls."
50
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♪ I got your park right here,
its name is Ramsett Park. ♪
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All: ♪ and its gates are open
from dawn till dark. ♪
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I am not doing any of that,
which is the point.
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Every summer
Leslie throws a barbecue
54
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to thank the Parks
and Maintenance staff.
55
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It's horrifying.
56
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Barbecues should be
about one thing--
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good, shared meat.
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There will be
no froofy desserts.
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00:02:20,543 --> 00:02:22,977
There will be
no giant-soap-bubble guns.
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00:02:23,045 --> 00:02:25,413
There will be
no adult men in costumes.
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And most of all,
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there will be
no [Bleep]ing vegetables.
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Well, Ron, can we at least
have corn on the cob?
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No.
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"In this temple,
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"As in the hearts of the people
for whom he saved the Union,
67
00:02:41,897 --> 00:02:44,699
the memory of Abraham Lincoln
is enshrined forever."
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00:02:44,767 --> 00:02:46,701
Andy, what are you doing?
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Have you ever seen any
of the National Treasure movies?
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Everything in this city
is a clue.
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Nothing in that movie
is accurate.
72
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Aha! A clue!
73
00:02:54,677 --> 00:02:56,678
Check it out.
74
00:02:56,745 --> 00:02:58,012
I think that's just gum.
75
00:02:58,080 --> 00:02:59,647
How do I know this isn't
a treasure map
76
00:02:59,715 --> 00:03:00,849
just waiting to be unfurled?
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- Because it's gum.
- That's gum.
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Yeah.
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So you can see
that the color changes
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about 1/3 of the way up,
and it's when construction
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00:03:08,524 --> 00:03:09,557
was actually halted
on the monu--
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00:03:09,625 --> 00:03:11,125
Leslie, this is
a really cool penis,
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but Ben and April
are meeting us
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at the Smithsonian
in 10 minutes.
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Let's talk on the way.
1776, a nation was born.
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Which nation?
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I offered Ron
a job last month,
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and he turned me down.
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And it literally
broke my heart.
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00:03:25,808 --> 00:03:29,844
But now I see that
this is truly where he belongs.
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Way to be, Ron!
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You're really
getting it done, man!
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He can't hear me.
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Okay, let's begin
the barbecue.
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Oh, hey, little guy.
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What are you doing?
Oh, no.
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Everyone, meet your meat.
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All: No!
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Why are you doing this to us?
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Well, in my opinion,
not enough people
101
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have looked their dinner
in the eyes
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and considered
the circle of life.
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This is your dinner.
His name is Tom.
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[Laughs]
Burn.
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Seriously?
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I understand
that it's hilarious,
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00:04:02,044 --> 00:04:03,945
but that is
his given, Christian name.
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Tom is very smart
and incredibly loyal.
109
00:04:06,482 --> 00:04:08,082
He's basically a dog.
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A dog we're going to cook,
chew, and swallow.
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Dude, there's kids
around here.
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Good point.
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Which one of you youngsters
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wants to help me drain the blood
from this animal?
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If you do a good job,
I'll give you the bladder.
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You can blow it up
for a fun play ball.
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Hey, Ron.
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You're not going to slaughter
that pig here, are you?
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Not to worry.
I have a permit.
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This just says,
"I can do what I want."
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I am the director
of the Parks Department,
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and this is a park.
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It's not a Parks thing.
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It's against, like, three laws
and a dozen health codes.
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Fine.
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Barbecue is postponed
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until I can go pick up some meat
from the Food 'n' Stuff.
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Let's go, Tom.
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No, pig Tom.
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[Laughing]
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So I want to see
the history of the girl scouts
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and then Lincoln's pocket watch
and the First Ladies exhibit
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00:05:00,436 --> 00:05:03,338
and everything--
I want to see everything.
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00:05:03,405 --> 00:05:04,939
Andy, get down from there.
135
00:05:05,007 --> 00:05:06,240
Hey, Leslie. Is this the train
from Back to the Future III?
136
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- Get down from there.
- I think it is.
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Hey, buddy.
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Come on down from there
for me, please.
139
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Sir, you protect
our nation's history,
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and you're a hero.
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00:05:14,616 --> 00:05:16,317
Yeah,
a hero with something to hide,
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like probably a treasure map.
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Oh, hey.
It's so good to see you.
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00:05:20,622 --> 00:05:22,657
It's so great to see you too.
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Yeah.
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Yikes.
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Okay, uh, guys,
let's motor.
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Guys. Guys.
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00:05:30,733 --> 00:05:32,667
Let's go get some astronaut
ice cream or something.
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00:05:32,735 --> 00:05:34,635
We were thinking
about maybe just--
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00:05:34,703 --> 00:05:36,771
uh, we--
maybe we were gonna go back to--
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We're gonna have sex.
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Okay.
You look great, April.
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Sorry, hon.
I actually have to go too.
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Oh, really? I thought maybe
we could sightsee together.
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I know.
I have, like, 1,000 meetings.
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00:05:45,481 --> 00:05:47,315
But I just wanted to come
wish you luck
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00:05:47,383 --> 00:05:48,416
before your presentation.
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00:05:48,484 --> 00:05:49,984
Oh, but you know
what you should see
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while you're here
is George Washington's fare--
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Farewell address candle stand.
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That was the first thing
I was going to see.
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God, I love you so much.
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Come to my office
as soon as you're done, okay?
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Okay.
166
00:06:00,262 --> 00:06:02,263
And it was nice
to see you again.
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Are you talking to my butt?
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- [Giggles] Yes.
- Okay.
169
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Where is Swanson?
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Man, I'm hungry.
My legs are tired.
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It feels like
I just exercised.
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Just sit on the ground.
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No, Jerry.
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It's dirty, and I'm wearing
my summer linens.
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God, you're such a baby.
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Look, I brought a picnic blanket
from your house.
177
00:06:21,784 --> 00:06:23,918
That's not a picnic blanket.
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That's a Merino wool throw
for my Eames chair!
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Uh-oh.
Do I sense trouble
180
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in the Haverford-Perkins
household?
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00:06:30,192 --> 00:06:31,426
No such luck, Donna.
182
00:06:31,493 --> 00:06:34,829
Ann and Tom, aka Haverkins,
are stronger than ever.
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00:06:34,897 --> 00:06:36,798
Everyone said it wouldn't last.
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00:06:36,865 --> 00:06:38,499
And it didn't.
185
00:06:38,567 --> 00:06:40,968
Shocking that our drunken plan
to move in together
186
00:06:41,036 --> 00:06:42,336
wasn't a success.
187
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- Let's move in together.
- Totally.
188
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No take-backs when we
sober up, though, partner.
189
00:06:46,909 --> 00:06:49,610
No take-backs, partner.
[Both laugh]
190
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After the first day, we realized
we had made a huge mistake.
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00:06:52,448 --> 00:06:53,648
Huge.
192
00:06:53,715 --> 00:06:56,451
However, everyone was being
so smug about it,
193
00:06:56,518 --> 00:06:57,885
saying there's no way
it would last,
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00:06:57,953 --> 00:07:00,054
so we're pretending
to still be together.
195
00:07:00,122 --> 00:07:02,423
That way, no one gets
the satisfaction of being right,
196
00:07:02,491 --> 00:07:04,092
even though they are,
but still.
197
00:07:04,159 --> 00:07:06,461
More importantly,
I bet Donna $1,000
198
00:07:06,528 --> 00:07:08,029
that we'd be together
for another month.
199
00:07:08,097 --> 00:07:09,797
I can't stress this enough.
200
00:07:09,865 --> 00:07:12,100
If she finds out
that we broke up,
201
00:07:12,167 --> 00:07:14,135
I'll go bankrupt.
202
00:07:14,203 --> 00:07:17,605
Oh, my God.
Food. Food.
203
00:07:17,673 --> 00:07:18,706
Yes, I am returned.
204
00:07:18,774 --> 00:07:20,708
No.
Not so fast, Shirley.
205
00:07:20,776 --> 00:07:23,144
I just have to thaw the meat,
season it, and grill it up.
206
00:07:23,212 --> 00:07:24,378
So it's going to be a few hours.
207
00:07:24,446 --> 00:07:26,180
[All groan]
No, Ron.
208
00:07:26,248 --> 00:07:28,983
My tummy's rumbling.
It's scary.
209
00:07:29,051 --> 00:07:30,384
Tommy's got the tum-rums.
210
00:07:30,452 --> 00:07:32,386
Ron, Chris Traeger
feelings update--
211
00:07:32,454 --> 00:07:36,457
I'm now feeling that your guests
are getting a little antsy.
212
00:07:36,525 --> 00:07:39,060
Fine. I'll skip a few steps
and speed things up.
213
00:07:39,128 --> 00:07:40,194
There you go.
214
00:07:40,262 --> 00:07:41,529
Is there at least
something to drink?
215
00:07:41,597 --> 00:07:43,131
There's beer in the cooler.
216
00:07:43,198 --> 00:07:44,499
What about for the children?
217
00:07:44,566 --> 00:07:46,400
You can get water
from that water fountain
218
00:07:46,468 --> 00:07:47,835
and use it
to water down the beer.
219
00:07:47,903 --> 00:07:49,804
Why don't you just
give the kids water?
220
00:07:49,872 --> 00:07:50,805
I suppose you could do that.
221
00:07:50,873 --> 00:07:52,406
Now, would everyone
please back off
222
00:07:52,474 --> 00:07:54,876
and just let me cook in peace?
223
00:07:54,943 --> 00:07:56,377
These people are soft.
224
00:07:56,445 --> 00:07:57,979
They're grill virgins.
225
00:07:58,046 --> 00:08:00,348
But by the time
this day is over,
226
00:08:00,415 --> 00:08:02,183
they'll have been
taken by the grill
227
00:08:02,251 --> 00:08:04,852
and delicately and tenderly
shown the ways
228
00:08:04,920 --> 00:08:07,421
of flavorful meat love.
229
00:08:07,489 --> 00:08:09,090
Mmm...
230
00:08:09,158 --> 00:08:11,526
The first time
is so beautiful.
231
00:08:12,593 --> 00:08:14,162
Ben and I are a power couple,
232
00:08:14,229 --> 00:08:16,097
like the Roosevelts
or the Clintons.
233
00:08:16,165 --> 00:08:17,665
I've got a big meeting here.
234
00:08:17,733 --> 00:08:20,201
Ben is off running
a congressional campaign.
235
00:08:20,269 --> 00:08:22,503
I mean, the only way
we could be more awesome
236
00:08:22,571 --> 00:08:24,839
is if we had our own
signature dance move.
237
00:08:24,907 --> 00:08:26,007
Oh, wait.
We do.
238
00:08:26,074 --> 00:08:29,277
Three, four.
[Scatting]
239
00:08:29,344 --> 00:08:32,580
[Door slams]
240
00:08:32,648 --> 00:08:35,883
I'm Leslie Knope.
I have a 3:00 with Mr. Jepson.
241
00:08:35,951 --> 00:08:37,118
What's this in reference to?
242
00:08:37,186 --> 00:08:38,819
I'm here to present
my application
243
00:08:38,887 --> 00:08:40,721
for the Federal Riverbed
Preservation Grant.
244
00:08:40,789 --> 00:08:43,024
Oh. Most people just mail
their applications in.
245
00:08:43,091 --> 00:08:44,959
[Chuckles]
I'm not most people.
246
00:08:45,027 --> 00:08:47,061
Mr. Jepson actually had
to step out for the day.
247
00:08:47,129 --> 00:08:51,732
You can just add your proposal
to that pile there.
248
00:08:51,800 --> 00:08:53,000
Oh, uh, I'm sorry.
249
00:08:53,068 --> 00:08:55,369
I was told I would have
a face-to-face meeting with him
250
00:08:55,437 --> 00:08:57,772
so I could make my case
for my town.
251
00:08:57,839 --> 00:08:59,073
Does he have office hours?
252
00:08:59,141 --> 00:09:00,408
He's unavailable
for the rest of the week.
253
00:09:00,475 --> 00:09:02,043
But you can just add
the proposal.
254
00:09:02,110 --> 00:09:05,079
- He'll get to it.
- Oh...
255
00:09:05,147 --> 00:09:06,914
Okay.
256
00:09:09,851 --> 00:09:11,819
It's kind of
a special application.
257
00:09:11,887 --> 00:09:14,855
Uh, you know,
there's a-a CD inside
258
00:09:14,923 --> 00:09:18,259
that, uh, plays the sound
of a babbling river,
259
00:09:18,327 --> 00:09:21,495
and I was going to play that
while I gave my presentation.
260
00:09:21,563 --> 00:09:23,564
I was also going to show a DVD
261
00:09:23,632 --> 00:09:26,334
that had some images
of frolicking river otters.
262
00:09:26,401 --> 00:09:28,336
You know what?
I-I'll make sure he reads it.
263
00:09:28,403 --> 00:09:29,937
What city is it for?
264
00:09:30,005 --> 00:09:31,405
Pawnee.
265
00:09:31,473 --> 00:09:34,108
Is that Pawnee, Illinois,
Indiana, Iowa,
266
00:09:34,176 --> 00:09:36,010
Kansas, Missouri,
Nebraska, Oklahoma,
267
00:09:36,078 --> 00:09:37,745
or Texas?
268
00:09:37,813 --> 00:09:39,714
- (Softly) Indiana.
- Okay.
269
00:09:42,190 --> 00:09:43,623
This is amazing.
270
00:09:43,690 --> 00:09:44,623
Look at this.
271
00:09:44,691 --> 00:09:46,692
This whole place is your office.
272
00:09:46,760 --> 00:09:48,694
Nope.
This is my office.
273
00:09:48,762 --> 00:09:50,396
Ben, you're fired.
It's my office now.
274
00:09:50,463 --> 00:09:51,864
Boom.
You heard the boss.
275
00:09:51,931 --> 00:09:52,965
Scram, Wyatt.
276
00:09:53,033 --> 00:09:55,067
- Hey.
- Hey. How'd it go?
277
00:09:55,135 --> 00:09:56,735
Um, I think okay.
278
00:09:56,803 --> 00:09:58,337
- Yeah?
- Okay, I think.
279
00:09:58,405 --> 00:10:00,339
Well, I have a surprise
for you.
280
00:10:00,407 --> 00:10:04,376
Uh, there's a swanky D.C.
Cocktail party at the Hay-Adams,
281
00:10:04,444 --> 00:10:06,712
and I got us all on the list.
282
00:10:06,780 --> 00:10:10,082
Wow, look at you.
You're a big shot.
283
00:10:10,150 --> 00:10:12,051
Hey, uh, Benjamin,
how fancy is this party tonight?
284
00:10:12,118 --> 00:10:15,921
I mean, is this, like, a shorts
or a pants kind of gala?
285
00:10:16,489 --> 00:10:18,190
- Pants.
- Great.
286
00:10:18,258 --> 00:10:19,825
Could we just real quick stop
at the nearest place
287
00:10:19,893 --> 00:10:21,026
that has free pants?
288
00:10:24,431 --> 00:10:26,398
I know that Ron
doesn't want us to eat anything
289
00:10:26,466 --> 00:10:28,200
before the meat,
but I smuggled in some candy.
290
00:10:28,268 --> 00:10:29,568
Oh, thank God.
I'm starving.
291
00:10:30,636 --> 00:10:31,503
Raisins?
292
00:10:32,071 --> 00:10:33,038
It's nature's candy.
293
00:10:33,106 --> 00:10:34,573
Now, they're basically grapes.
294
00:10:34,641 --> 00:10:36,875
So remember to pace yourself.
295
00:10:38,578 --> 00:10:40,379
I can't even follow
my own advice.
296
00:10:40,447 --> 00:10:42,381
It's too delicious.
297
00:10:43,783 --> 00:10:44,950
Oh, my God.
298
00:10:45,018 --> 00:10:46,552
Did you put glitter
in the laundry detergent?
299
00:10:46,619 --> 00:10:48,053
Oh, yeah.
300
00:10:48,121 --> 00:10:49,788
I'm experimenting with some
new entrepreneurial ideas.
301
00:10:49,856 --> 00:10:51,790
That one's called "Sparkle Suds."
302
00:10:51,858 --> 00:10:52,958
Dress loud.
303
00:10:53,026 --> 00:10:54,860
Will you stop putting
glitter in everything?
304
00:10:54,928 --> 00:10:56,261
This morning
you put glitter in the butter.
305
00:10:56,329 --> 00:10:58,163
"Disco Dairy."
Spread the party.
306
00:10:58,231 --> 00:11:00,632
No, that's not a good idea.
That's terrible.
307
00:11:00,700 --> 00:11:03,402
Well, the target demographic
isn't angry, middle-aged nurses.
308
00:11:03,470 --> 00:11:05,170
- Oh--shh, stop it--hey.
- Wait--
309
00:11:05,238 --> 00:11:06,271
Hey.
310
00:11:06,339 --> 00:11:07,673
I'm going to get in line
for some food.
311
00:11:07,741 --> 00:11:08,841
Y'all want anything?
312
00:11:08,908 --> 00:11:10,542
- We're good. We're really good.
- Nope.
313
00:11:10,610 --> 00:11:11,977
Just spending a little time
with my baby girl.
314
00:11:12,545 --> 00:11:13,579
Ew.
315
00:11:14,146 --> 00:11:15,514
Get off me.
316
00:11:17,550 --> 00:11:19,718
There's so much free food
at this party, honey.
317
00:11:19,786 --> 00:11:23,422
I love politics.
Look, I made a shrimp claw.
318
00:11:23,490 --> 00:11:24,690
I'm really proud
of you, babe.
319
00:11:24,758 --> 00:11:26,291
Now put your used plate
in my purse.
320
00:11:26,359 --> 00:11:27,826
I almost have a complete set.
321
00:11:27,894 --> 00:11:29,962
Really? Oh, my God.
You're so smart.
322
00:11:30,029 --> 00:11:32,331
They say it will pass,
but we'll only get $400 million
323
00:11:32,398 --> 00:11:33,732
instead of $900 million.
324
00:11:33,800 --> 00:11:38,237
Kate works at the Pentagon
and Lacey works for Eric Cantor.
325
00:11:38,304 --> 00:11:39,605
What do you do, Leslie?
326
00:11:39,672 --> 00:11:41,874
I was just recently elected.
I'm a councilwoman.
327
00:11:41,941 --> 00:11:43,976
Local government
is so important.
328
00:11:44,043 --> 00:11:45,878
My grandma's on the city council
in her town.
329
00:11:45,945 --> 00:11:47,513
Gives her a reason
to leave the house.
330
00:11:47,580 --> 00:11:48,881
Oh.
331
00:11:48,948 --> 00:11:50,616
Where did you say
you were from?
332
00:11:50,683 --> 00:11:52,151
It's called Pawnee.
333
00:11:52,218 --> 00:11:53,285
Pawnee, Missouri?
334
00:11:53,353 --> 00:11:55,654
Oh, my--
that is so random.
335
00:11:55,722 --> 00:11:57,990
I've been there--
totally cute.
336
00:11:58,057 --> 00:11:59,091
Pawnee, Indiana.
337
00:11:59,159 --> 00:12:01,627
Pawnee, Missouri,
is a total craphole.
338
00:12:01,694 --> 00:12:04,763
Ben and I both did
some amazing things today.
339
00:12:04,831 --> 00:12:06,832
He scored a victory
for the congressional campaign
340
00:12:06,900 --> 00:12:08,000
he's working on.
341
00:12:08,067 --> 00:12:11,203
And I was mistaken
for Beverly D'Angelo
342
00:12:11,271 --> 00:12:12,905
by a Japanese tourist.
343
00:12:12,972 --> 00:12:17,609
So, pretty big day
for both of us.
344
00:12:17,677 --> 00:12:20,813
Ron, can I have a burger?
I'm hungry.
345
00:12:20,880 --> 00:12:22,548
For the last time,
no burgers yet.
346
00:12:22,615 --> 00:12:24,550
I've got ribs,
and I've got beef cheek.
347
00:12:24,617 --> 00:12:27,352
Ron, where are
my vegan soy patties?
348
00:12:27,420 --> 00:12:29,121
Oh, I gave them to the kids.
They love them.
349
00:12:29,189 --> 00:12:31,356
They're skipping them
across the pond.
350
00:12:31,424 --> 00:12:32,691
Donna, I got to go
to the boys' room.
351
00:12:32,759 --> 00:12:34,693
- Can I have a ride in your car?
- Absolutely not.
352
00:12:34,761 --> 00:12:37,830
This barbecue stinks.
I'm saying it. It stinks.
353
00:12:37,897 --> 00:12:39,097
Do you have any plates
or anything?
354
00:12:39,165 --> 00:12:40,566
I mean, how are we supposed
to eat these rumps?
355
00:12:40,633 --> 00:12:42,067
Ron, if no one takes me
to the bathroom,
356
00:12:42,135 --> 00:12:44,236
I'm just going to have
to go in the trees.
357
00:12:44,304 --> 00:12:46,371
All right.
Forget it.
358
00:12:47,439 --> 00:12:49,074
You have ruined
a perfectly good barbecue
359
00:12:49,142 --> 00:12:52,911
with your demands and chatter.
360
00:12:52,979 --> 00:12:54,813
Enjoy the rest of your evening.
361
00:13:06,459 --> 00:13:08,727
Does anybody feel
like they can't breathe?
362
00:13:08,795 --> 00:13:11,063
- I think I need some fresh air.
- We're outside.
363
00:13:11,130 --> 00:13:12,364
God, these women--
364
00:13:12,432 --> 00:13:15,067
they're so smart
and accomplished and pretty.
365
00:13:15,634 --> 00:13:16,835
And they're tall.
366
00:13:17,002 --> 00:13:18,237
Why are they all so tall?
367
00:13:18,304 --> 00:13:20,472
It's like C-Span
and Neiman Marcus had kids
368
00:13:20,539 --> 00:13:21,440
or something.
369
00:13:21,507 --> 00:13:23,508
Hey, so there's a couple more
people I want you to meet.
370
00:13:23,576 --> 00:13:26,078
Great. I can't wait to meet,
like, five more tall women.
371
00:13:26,145 --> 00:13:28,213
Excuse me, Senators?
372
00:13:28,281 --> 00:13:30,015
Ben Wyatt, from
Congressman Murray's campaign.
373
00:13:30,083 --> 00:13:31,884
Ben, I remember you
from the Kennedy Center.
374
00:13:31,951 --> 00:13:33,018
- That's right.
- Yeah.
375
00:13:33,086 --> 00:13:34,887
I wanted to introduce
my friend Leslie Knope--
376
00:13:34,954 --> 00:13:37,589
Senators Barbara Boxer
and Olympia Snow.
377
00:13:37,657 --> 00:13:39,524
- A pleasure to meet you.
- How do you do?
378
00:13:39,592 --> 00:13:40,792
So, Leslie, what do you do?
379
00:13:40,860 --> 00:13:43,695
I am a city councilwoman
from Pawnee, Indiana.
380
00:13:43,763 --> 00:13:45,264
But you've probably
never heard of us.
381
00:13:45,331 --> 00:13:46,531
We're small and unimportant.
382
00:13:46,599 --> 00:13:49,067
- I'm sure that's not true.
- But it is.
383
00:13:49,135 --> 00:13:50,802
We've got tons of problems.
384
00:13:50,870 --> 00:13:53,839
We're overrun with raccoons
and obese toddlers.
385
00:13:53,907 --> 00:13:55,107
Anyway,
I'm probably boring you.
386
00:13:55,174 --> 00:13:58,510
I just wanted to say
that you are my role models,
387
00:13:58,578 --> 00:14:01,747
and, uh, you are
incredibly amazing women,
388
00:14:01,814 --> 00:14:03,015
and it is an honor to meet you,
389
00:14:03,082 --> 00:14:05,150
and I really respect
your grace under pressure,
390
00:14:05,218 --> 00:14:07,920
[voice breaking]
And thank you for your time.
391
00:14:10,522 --> 00:14:12,291
Excuse me, Senators.
392
00:14:15,561 --> 00:14:17,496
Uh, Leslie?
393
00:14:17,563 --> 00:14:18,497
Hello?
394
00:14:19,064 --> 00:14:21,166
- What's going on?
- Nothing.
395
00:14:21,234 --> 00:14:22,434
I'm just tired, okay?
396
00:14:22,502 --> 00:14:24,736
I saw 24 historical sights
in a day,
397
00:14:24,804 --> 00:14:27,539
and it's 120 degrees out
with 200% humidity,
398
00:14:27,607 --> 00:14:29,074
'cause this is
a stupid swamp town.
399
00:14:29,142 --> 00:14:30,943
Okay, that would make
anyone cranky.
400
00:14:31,010 --> 00:14:32,611
- I'm not cranky.
- Okay.
401
00:14:32,679 --> 00:14:35,614
I thought you'd enjoy meeting
numbers 4 and 26
402
00:14:35,682 --> 00:14:37,416
on Leslie's list
of amazing women.
403
00:14:37,483 --> 00:14:39,751
I do. I did.
404
00:14:39,819 --> 00:14:41,687
You're the most amazing
boyfriend ever.
405
00:14:41,754 --> 00:14:43,355
And if you don't get
out of here soon,
406
00:14:43,423 --> 00:14:45,123
I'm going to punch you
in the face.
407
00:14:45,191 --> 00:14:48,827
Journal needs a quote
for the profile.
408
00:14:49,395 --> 00:14:51,096
It's fine.
Just go.
409
00:14:51,164 --> 00:14:54,967
I'll see you
at your apartment later.
410
00:14:55,034 --> 00:14:57,069
This is Ben Wyatt.
411
00:14:59,706 --> 00:15:02,174
Excuse me.
I just need to get my coat here.
412
00:15:02,241 --> 00:15:04,643
Could you give me
a minute here, please?
413
00:15:04,711 --> 00:15:06,044
Are you--
are you okay?
414
00:15:06,112 --> 00:15:07,245
Can I get you anything?
415
00:15:07,313 --> 00:15:08,613
I-I would like you
to just leave
416
00:15:08,681 --> 00:15:10,282
and give me
a little privacy here, please.
417
00:15:10,350 --> 00:15:11,483
All right.
418
00:15:11,551 --> 00:15:14,586
I'm sorry.
I hope everything's okay.
419
00:15:14,654 --> 00:15:15,854
[Scoffs]
420
00:15:15,922 --> 00:15:18,924
Nosy people have no respect
for personal space.
421
00:15:23,070 --> 00:15:25,039
Ann... what the hell?
422
00:15:25,040 --> 00:15:26,369
[Laughs]
423
00:15:26,370 --> 00:15:29,039
I put glitter in all
your moisturizers and lotions.
424
00:15:29,107 --> 00:15:31,475
I'm calling it
"Sparkle Skin", by Annie.
425
00:15:31,543 --> 00:15:33,844
Twinkle, twinkle,
big star.
426
00:15:33,912 --> 00:15:35,546
Ann!
That is an amazing idea,
427
00:15:35,613 --> 00:15:37,481
and I will buy it from you,
but never do that again.
428
00:15:37,549 --> 00:15:39,249
That was really
expensive moisturizer.
429
00:15:39,317 --> 00:15:41,351
Yeah, well,
you ruined all of my clothes.
430
00:15:41,419 --> 00:15:43,821
Well, then, I did you
a huge favor, 'cause they stink.
431
00:15:43,888 --> 00:15:45,823
- Are you serious?
- Yes.
432
00:15:45,890 --> 00:15:47,858
Oh, hello, lovers.
433
00:15:47,926 --> 00:15:49,493
- Oh.
- Tom!
434
00:15:49,561 --> 00:15:51,995
You're amazing!
Kiss me more!
435
00:15:52,063 --> 00:15:53,397
- Uh-huh.
- All right. Enough of this.
436
00:15:53,465 --> 00:15:55,733
Y'all broke up a long time ago,
didn't you?
437
00:15:55,800 --> 00:15:57,768
No. We're stronger
than ever, so...
438
00:15:57,836 --> 00:15:59,103
It's all right.
439
00:15:59,170 --> 00:16:00,437
I'ma let y'all have this one.
440
00:16:00,505 --> 00:16:02,005
As someone who has lied a lot
441
00:16:02,073 --> 00:16:05,275
about various aspects
of a myriad of relationships,
442
00:16:05,343 --> 00:16:07,277
I respect the effort
you've gone to.
443
00:16:07,345 --> 00:16:08,712
Let's call off the bet.
444
00:16:08,780 --> 00:16:10,214
Thanks, Donna.
445
00:16:10,281 --> 00:16:11,515
No problem.
446
00:16:11,583 --> 00:16:14,084
- I guess that's it.
- Yep.
447
00:16:14,152 --> 00:16:15,853
The end of a relationship.
448
00:16:15,920 --> 00:16:18,489
And the beginning
of a partnership.
449
00:16:18,556 --> 00:16:19,623
Let's talk "Sparkle Skin."
450
00:16:19,691 --> 00:16:20,758
Do we know anyone
451
00:16:20,825 --> 00:16:22,426
in product development
over at Sephora?
452
00:16:22,494 --> 00:16:24,061
Good-bye, Tom.
453
00:16:24,129 --> 00:16:25,496
Here's a picture
of me and April
454
00:16:25,563 --> 00:16:26,864
making out in her apartment.
455
00:16:26,931 --> 00:16:28,132
- Oh.
- Here's a picture of us
456
00:16:28,199 --> 00:16:30,801
making out in Ben's office.
457
00:16:30,869 --> 00:16:33,237
This is a picture--
oh, this is us making out--
458
00:16:33,304 --> 00:16:34,471
I don't know where that is,
459
00:16:34,539 --> 00:16:35,973
but you can tell
that she's sucking on my lip.
460
00:16:36,040 --> 00:16:37,075
[Laughs]
461
00:16:37,476 --> 00:16:38,775
Traveling.
462
00:16:39,343 --> 00:16:40,477
Making out--
are you okay, boss?
463
00:16:40,545 --> 00:16:42,279
No.
Not really.
464
00:16:42,347 --> 00:16:44,148
I know I should be focusing
on this river cleanup,
465
00:16:44,215 --> 00:16:46,784
but all I keep thinking about
is Ben laughing in a helicopter
466
00:16:46,851 --> 00:16:48,218
with Hot Rebecca.
467
00:16:48,286 --> 00:16:50,120
- Who's Hot Rebecca?
- [Sighs]
468
00:16:50,188 --> 00:16:52,923
She's just this
jealousy amalgam I created.
469
00:16:54,626 --> 00:16:56,727
I combined all
of the giant, dark-haired,
470
00:16:56,795 --> 00:16:59,296
smartphone power goddesses
into one woman
471
00:16:59,364 --> 00:17:00,798
called Hot Rebecca.
472
00:17:00,865 --> 00:17:03,000
- Ah.
- I mean, Ben's life is filled
473
00:17:03,067 --> 00:17:04,968
with senators and briefings
and Super PACs.
474
00:17:05,036 --> 00:17:07,838
I can't even get a meeting
with some bureaucrat.
475
00:17:07,906 --> 00:17:10,440
[Laughs] I don't even know
what a bureaucrat is.
476
00:17:10,508 --> 00:17:13,677
Everything's going to be fine
with you and Ben,
477
00:17:13,745 --> 00:17:17,815
because if I know Ben,
he, too, is an amalgam.
478
00:17:17,882 --> 00:17:19,183
- No.
- Yeah.
479
00:17:19,250 --> 00:17:22,519
Point is, you're better
than Hot Rebecca.
480
00:17:22,587 --> 00:17:23,687
You're kickass Leslie.
481
00:17:23,755 --> 00:17:27,491
Long-distance relationships
are never easy,
482
00:17:27,559 --> 00:17:29,426
but you never, ever
give up on stuff.
483
00:17:29,494 --> 00:17:31,361
Thanks.
484
00:17:31,429 --> 00:17:33,530
- That's what makes you...
- Nope.
485
00:17:33,598 --> 00:17:36,166
An amalgam.
Nailed it.
486
00:17:37,435 --> 00:17:40,204
Ron, a word?
487
00:17:40,271 --> 00:17:42,639
Are you aware of what's going on
out in your department?
488
00:17:42,707 --> 00:17:43,640
I am.
489
00:17:43,708 --> 00:17:44,875
My department is pouting
490
00:17:44,943 --> 00:17:46,810
because I didn't put on
a puppet show
491
00:17:46,878 --> 00:17:49,646
based on the funniest
email chain of the year.
492
00:17:49,714 --> 00:17:50,914
I would have liked
to have seen that show.
493
00:17:50,982 --> 00:17:52,316
My nomination was
494
00:17:52,383 --> 00:17:55,819
Jerry accidentally forwards
his bank statement to everyone.
495
00:17:55,887 --> 00:17:57,988
[Laughs]
Classic...
496
00:17:58,056 --> 00:17:59,356
And depressing.
497
00:17:59,424 --> 00:18:01,258
The point of a barbecue
is not to do
498
00:18:01,326 --> 00:18:04,962
hokey, office joke theater.
The point is--
499
00:18:05,029 --> 00:18:07,865
The point of the barbecue
was to thank the department.
500
00:18:07,932 --> 00:18:10,467
It was an employee-appreciation
barbecue.
501
00:18:11,035 --> 00:18:13,103
Ron, I gave you the chance
502
00:18:13,171 --> 00:18:15,439
to become assistant
city manager.
503
00:18:15,506 --> 00:18:18,308
And you chose to stay here,
which is fine.
504
00:18:18,376 --> 00:18:20,611
But if you're going
to lead the department,
505
00:18:20,678 --> 00:18:23,180
you occasionally
have to lead the department.
506
00:18:23,248 --> 00:18:26,884
And I say that as one
of your closest colleagues
507
00:18:26,951 --> 00:18:29,419
and dearest friends...
508
00:18:29,487 --> 00:18:31,054
But also as your boss.
509
00:18:33,791 --> 00:18:36,627
I went to our nation's capital
this weekend
510
00:18:36,694 --> 00:18:38,495
in order to apply
for a federal grant
511
00:18:38,563 --> 00:18:40,664
to clean up our city's river.
512
00:18:40,732 --> 00:18:43,567
But things move pretty slow
in Washington,
513
00:18:43,635 --> 00:18:44,935
and I'm not going
to wait around.
514
00:18:45,003 --> 00:18:47,437
Now, I was recently reminded
by someone
515
00:18:47,505 --> 00:18:51,909
that I'm not the type of person
to shy away from hard work.
516
00:18:52,844 --> 00:18:53,911
What?
Did I--
517
00:18:54,478 --> 00:18:55,679
Do you need something
from me right now?
518
00:18:55,747 --> 00:18:57,080
No, no, no.
Never mind.
519
00:18:57,148 --> 00:19:00,951
Point is, I'm going to clean up
this river by myself.
520
00:19:01,019 --> 00:19:03,186
Every Saturday
from 8:00 a.m. to 10:00 a.m.,
521
00:19:03,254 --> 00:19:04,187
I will be here.
522
00:19:04,255 --> 00:19:06,123
Those are my office hours.
523
00:19:06,190 --> 00:19:07,758
If you want to come
and talk to me
524
00:19:07,825 --> 00:19:09,860
or ask me questions
or raise an issue,
525
00:19:09,928 --> 00:19:11,295
this is where I'll be.
526
00:19:11,362 --> 00:19:12,629
Let's get to work, Pawnee.
527
00:19:12,697 --> 00:19:14,065
[Applause]
528
00:19:14,197 --> 00:19:15,265
Oh, my God.
529
00:19:15,333 --> 00:19:17,067
The smell is so much worse
when you get up close.
530
00:19:17,135 --> 00:19:19,569
Yeah.
Oh, look, a handgun.
531
00:19:19,637 --> 00:19:20,570
I call it.
532
00:19:20,638 --> 00:19:22,472
- Holy--
- Whoa!
533
00:19:23,040 --> 00:19:25,909
Everyone, get in here now!
534
00:19:28,346 --> 00:19:30,781
Your work is appreciated.
535
00:19:30,848 --> 00:19:31,815
Eat some corn.
536
00:19:31,883 --> 00:19:33,817
- Wow. Thank you, Ron.
- Thanks, boss.
537
00:19:33,885 --> 00:19:35,452
- Thanks, Ron.
- Thanks, Ron.
538
00:19:35,520 --> 00:19:37,087
Also, here's Tom.
539
00:19:37,155 --> 00:19:38,622
Aah!
540
00:19:40,058 --> 00:19:42,326
It actually smells
really delicious.
541
00:19:42,393 --> 00:19:43,593
It really does.
542
00:19:43,661 --> 00:19:45,329
Give me some of Tommy's ribs.
543
00:19:45,396 --> 00:19:47,631
- Oh, heck, yeah.
- Sorry, Tom.
544
00:19:47,699 --> 00:19:49,166
Oh, my God.
That's good.
545
00:19:49,233 --> 00:19:51,301
I mean, if I'd known
it didn't go well
546
00:19:51,369 --> 00:19:53,003
with the guy from Interior, I--
547
00:19:53,071 --> 00:19:54,838
No, no, no.
You did nothing wrong.
548
00:19:54,906 --> 00:19:56,306
I'm so happy for you
549
00:19:56,374 --> 00:19:59,343
and how much everyone loves you
and how great you're doing.
550
00:19:59,410 --> 00:20:00,944
I just freaked out.
I'm sorry.
551
00:20:01,512 --> 00:20:02,846
Long distance sucks.
552
00:20:02,914 --> 00:20:06,450
It does.
But we can do this, right?
553
00:20:06,517 --> 00:20:08,251
Yeah, definitely.
554
00:20:08,319 --> 00:20:09,753
Can you come visit next month?
555
00:20:09,821 --> 00:20:11,621
We can take a proper tour
of the sights.
556
00:20:12,189 --> 00:20:14,524
There's only one sight
I want to see right now.
557
00:20:14,592 --> 00:20:16,626
All right,
I mean, this is getting weird,
558
00:20:16,694 --> 00:20:18,829
but, uh, there it is.
559
00:20:18,896 --> 00:20:20,764
I meant
the Jefferson Memorial,
560
00:20:20,832 --> 00:20:21,765
you perv.
561
00:20:21,833 --> 00:20:22,866
Right. Sorry.
562
00:20:22,934 --> 00:20:24,768
Sorry, I-I don't, uh--
563
00:20:24,836 --> 00:20:27,137
I'm--I'm just--
564
00:20:27,205 --> 00:20:28,138
Wait.
No, you didn't.
565
00:20:28,206 --> 00:20:30,207
No, I didn't.
[Both laugh]
566
00:20:30,506 --> 00:20:32,607
- Spin it around and back it on up.
- All right.
567
00:20:34,296 --> 00:20:37,296
The White House--
America's most whitest house--
568
00:20:37,764 --> 00:20:39,932
most notably is
where Sinbad lived
569
00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:41,134
in the film First Kid.
570
00:20:41,201 --> 00:20:42,602
Sinbad, wow.
571
00:20:42,669 --> 00:20:45,238
The other tour guide
never said anything about that.
572
00:20:45,305 --> 00:20:48,107
Do you know why
it's called the Oval Office?
573
00:20:48,175 --> 00:20:49,675
No.
574
00:20:49,743 --> 00:20:51,677
Because of a man--
Oval Redenbacher...
575
00:20:51,745 --> 00:20:53,179
- What?
- Popcorn inventor.
576
00:20:53,247 --> 00:20:55,181
He used to hang out
with John F. Kennedy.
577
00:20:55,249 --> 00:20:57,049
Excuse me.
Attention, everyone.
578
00:20:57,117 --> 00:20:58,384
This tour guide
579
00:20:58,452 --> 00:21:00,486
is the most amazing tour guide
there ever was.
580
00:21:00,554 --> 00:21:02,889
Please, step up.
581
00:21:02,956 --> 00:21:05,157
$200 cash up front.
582
00:21:05,659 --> 00:21:10,259
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
www.tvsubtitles.net