1
00:00:00,744 --> 00:00:02,445
We need to go over the schedule
leading up to the primary.
2
00:00:02,482 --> 00:00:04,081
- Let's talk shop.
- Ooh, shop talk!
3
00:00:04,110 --> 00:00:05,825
One of my five favorite
types of talk,
4
00:00:05,945 --> 00:00:08,079
along with pillow, girl,
real, and TED.
5
00:00:08,114 --> 00:00:09,681
Why are you wearing a poncho?
6
00:00:09,715 --> 00:00:13,018
Oh, because every surface area
in your house is sticky.
7
00:00:13,052 --> 00:00:15,687
Last time I was here, I found
a melted crayon on my blazer.
8
00:00:15,721 --> 00:00:16,822
Okay.
9
00:00:16,856 --> 00:00:19,357
I have a photo op
with Gryzzl tomorrow.
10
00:00:19,392 --> 00:00:21,493
Between now and then, we
have a ton of stuff scheduled.
11
00:00:21,527 --> 00:00:24,262
Looks like we're gonna have
to skip the pie-baking event
12
00:00:24,297 --> 00:00:25,864
and the ceremonial squash toss.
13
00:00:25,898 --> 00:00:26,832
- Oh.
- Oh, really?
14
00:00:26,866 --> 00:00:28,100
We have to skip that?
15
00:00:28,134 --> 00:00:30,335
I love watching those squashes
fly through the air.
16
00:00:30,369 --> 00:00:31,603
I kind of like
the way they land.
17
00:00:31,637 --> 00:00:32,604
Me too!
18
00:00:33,639 --> 00:00:34,840
Okay, excuse me,
19
00:00:34,874 --> 00:00:38,210
but I have to get back to a city
where things happen.
20
00:00:38,244 --> 00:00:39,344
Okay.
21
00:00:39,378 --> 00:00:41,079
This campaign is about to start
in earnest.
22
00:00:41,114 --> 00:00:43,215
Things are about to get
real intense.
23
00:00:43,249 --> 00:00:44,416
Leslie, you ready?
24
00:00:44,450 --> 00:00:45,484
- Me Leslie?
- Yeah.
25
00:00:45,518 --> 00:00:47,285
Well, I was an actual candidate,
26
00:00:47,320 --> 00:00:49,421
so I think I can handle
being a candidate's wife.
27
00:00:49,455 --> 00:00:50,989
I know all the issues
inside and out.
28
00:00:51,023 --> 00:00:52,490
Mm.
See, that's the problem.
29
00:00:52,525 --> 00:00:54,960
Being the wife of
is a minefield.
30
00:00:54,994 --> 00:00:56,128
If you were just
a ding-dong,
31
00:00:56,162 --> 00:00:57,696
I would just
slap a flag pin on you.
32
00:00:57,730 --> 00:00:59,231
I'd pour some Valium
down your throat
33
00:00:59,265 --> 00:01:02,200
and just shove you behind
the podium way upstage.
34
00:01:02,235 --> 00:01:04,903
It's the smarties
that freak people out.
35
00:01:04,937 --> 00:01:06,605
I think you're underestimating
the voters.
36
00:01:08,574 --> 00:01:12,177
I don't think that is possible.
37
00:01:12,211 --> 00:01:13,445
Stephen, be careful!
38
00:01:15,548 --> 00:01:18,049
Poncho!
39
00:01:21,053 --> 00:01:29,060
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
40
00:01:38,151 --> 00:01:40,639
I know you normally
hate foundations,
41
00:01:40,673 --> 00:01:43,008
but this one
I think you'll actually like.
42
00:01:43,042 --> 00:01:45,377
We take people that don't know
what they want to do
43
00:01:45,411 --> 00:01:48,213
and then put them to work doing
cool stuff all over the world,
44
00:01:48,247 --> 00:01:49,555
and I start in a couple months.
45
00:01:49,675 --> 00:01:52,851
Well, I had hoped you'd choose
a more dignified trade
46
00:01:52,885 --> 00:01:55,153
like masonry or logging,
47
00:01:55,187 --> 00:01:57,155
but you are
out of local government,
48
00:01:57,190 --> 00:01:59,124
and that's a step
in the right direction.
49
00:01:59,158 --> 00:02:01,560
It's definitely
the job I wanted...
50
00:02:03,262 --> 00:02:07,599
But it means that we
have to move to Washington.
51
00:02:07,633 --> 00:02:11,203
Well...
then bully for you.
52
00:02:11,237 --> 00:02:12,971
If you intend to move,
53
00:02:13,005 --> 00:02:16,074
I suppose you should return
the spare key to my house,
54
00:02:16,109 --> 00:02:19,211
the one I gave you years ago
when you were my assistant,
55
00:02:19,245 --> 00:02:21,113
for emergencies.
56
00:02:21,147 --> 00:02:22,180
Okay.
57
00:02:22,215 --> 00:02:24,516
Good talk.
58
00:02:27,487 --> 00:02:28,720
This neighborhood
59
00:02:28,755 --> 00:02:30,772
has been mostly abandoned
for years,
60
00:02:30,891 --> 00:02:33,226
but now, thanks
to the new Gryzzl headquarters,
61
00:02:33,260 --> 00:02:35,495
this district will soon
transform
62
00:02:35,529 --> 00:02:38,598
into a hub of innovation
for decades to come.
63
00:02:38,632 --> 00:02:39,599
Mr. Wyatt!
64
00:02:39,633 --> 00:02:41,334
Your campaign released
a schedule,
65
00:02:41,368 --> 00:02:43,803
and it looks like your wife
is skipping the Pie-mary.
66
00:02:43,837 --> 00:02:45,138
Care to explain?
67
00:02:45,172 --> 00:02:47,740
The Pie-mary
is a Southern Indiana tradition
68
00:02:47,775 --> 00:02:49,308
where Congressional
candidates' wives
69
00:02:49,343 --> 00:02:51,778
face off
in a pie-baking contest.
70
00:02:51,812 --> 00:02:53,313
The last contest winner
71
00:02:53,347 --> 00:02:55,348
was June Hartwell's
buttermilk meringue.
72
00:02:55,382 --> 00:02:58,785
Last contest loser
was all women.
73
00:02:58,819 --> 00:03:00,887
Leslie would be the first
candidate's wife
74
00:03:00,921 --> 00:03:02,522
not to enter the Pie-mary.
75
00:03:02,556 --> 00:03:05,158
What kind of a statement
are you making by skipping it?
76
00:03:05,192 --> 00:03:07,060
We're--I'm not making
any kind of statement.
77
00:03:07,094 --> 00:03:09,095
We're just focusing
on bigger issues,
78
00:03:09,129 --> 00:03:13,733
like Ben's $150 million
revitalization project.
79
00:03:13,767 --> 00:03:14,934
Pardon me.
I need to get through.
80
00:03:14,968 --> 00:03:15,935
Pardon me. Excuse me.
81
00:03:15,969 --> 00:03:17,003
Mike Patterson here.
82
00:03:17,037 --> 00:03:18,237
Leslie, you've
made it pretty clear
83
00:03:18,272 --> 00:03:20,032
that you don't think homemaking
is important.
84
00:03:20,040 --> 00:03:21,708
Do you ever cook
for your children,
85
00:03:21,742 --> 00:03:24,210
and who's even watching
your children right now,
86
00:03:24,244 --> 00:03:25,778
while you're out
God only knows where?
87
00:03:25,813 --> 00:03:26,894
What are you talking about?
88
00:03:26,914 --> 00:03:28,381
I'm standing right here
in front of you.
89
00:03:28,415 --> 00:03:30,216
Okay. Take it easy.
Let's not get emotional.
90
00:03:30,250 --> 00:03:31,618
Okay.
We have to run.
91
00:03:31,652 --> 00:03:33,386
We'll see you all
at my economic address.
92
00:03:33,420 --> 00:03:34,587
Thanks for coming, everybody.
93
00:03:34,621 --> 00:03:36,456
What other traditions
are you against, Leslie?
94
00:03:36,490 --> 00:03:38,191
Baseball?
Hugging your children?
95
00:03:38,225 --> 00:03:39,892
How much did that haircut cost?
96
00:03:39,927 --> 00:03:42,061
None of your business,
and thank you for noticing.
97
00:03:42,996 --> 00:03:44,330
My desk was right here,
98
00:03:44,365 --> 00:03:45,999
sitting right on top of it
this whole time.
99
00:03:46,033 --> 00:03:47,033
How much money is it?
100
00:03:47,067 --> 00:03:48,067
It's not money.
101
00:03:48,102 --> 00:03:49,469
I told you, it's Ron's key.
102
00:03:49,503 --> 00:03:50,903
I hid it in here years ago.
103
00:03:50,938 --> 00:03:52,238
Ah! Wait!
104
00:03:52,272 --> 00:03:53,539
Yeah, no. No key.
105
00:03:53,574 --> 00:03:56,576
Just a note and a movie ticket
stub and four teeth.
106
00:03:56,610 --> 00:03:57,931
"If you are looking
for Ron's key,
107
00:03:57,945 --> 00:03:59,712
"I moved it,
and you'll never find it.
108
00:03:59,747 --> 00:04:01,047
Cordially, April."
109
00:04:01,081 --> 00:04:02,348
Well, where'd you put it, then?
110
00:04:02,383 --> 00:04:03,883
I don't know.
It was eight years ago.
111
00:04:03,917 --> 00:04:05,318
Oh, God.
112
00:04:05,352 --> 00:04:07,920
A key to Ron's house is lost
in a government building.
113
00:04:07,955 --> 00:04:09,036
That's his worst nightmare.
114
00:04:09,056 --> 00:04:09,989
Listen, babe.
115
00:04:10,024 --> 00:04:11,491
All we got to do
116
00:04:11,525 --> 00:04:14,394
is train Champion
to sniff out Ron's key.
117
00:04:14,428 --> 00:04:15,762
Okay.
118
00:04:15,796 --> 00:04:17,864
All we need is Ron's key
to give him a scent.
119
00:04:17,898 --> 00:04:19,932
So give me the key,
and I'll get you that key.
120
00:04:21,735 --> 00:04:25,305
No, You're Wrong
with Mike Patterson.
121
00:04:25,339 --> 00:04:26,406
Welcome back to the program.
122
00:04:26,440 --> 00:04:28,107
My guest is June Hartwell,
123
00:04:28,142 --> 00:04:30,543
wife of incumbent Congressman,
Paul Hartwell.
124
00:04:30,577 --> 00:04:31,744
Now, June, we all know
125
00:04:31,779 --> 00:04:33,299
what Ben Wyatt's wife
is really saying.
126
00:04:33,314 --> 00:04:34,714
By skipping the Pie-mary,
127
00:04:34,748 --> 00:04:38,017
she's saying women who love
their families are stupid.
128
00:04:38,052 --> 00:04:40,453
Well, Mike, we all
make certain choices.
129
00:04:40,487 --> 00:04:42,722
Ms. Knope chose
to try to have it all.
130
00:04:42,756 --> 00:04:44,691
I chose to put my family first.
131
00:04:44,725 --> 00:04:46,005
Well, I'm just speculating here,
132
00:04:46,026 --> 00:04:47,694
but do you think
that Leslie Knope's actions
133
00:04:47,728 --> 00:04:50,063
indicate that she actually hates
her family?
134
00:04:50,097 --> 00:04:54,100
Well, it only took three hours
for Jen to be right.
135
00:04:54,134 --> 00:04:55,668
I'm officially a distraction.
136
00:04:55,703 --> 00:04:56,869
I'm gonna enter
that Pie-mary.
137
00:04:56,904 --> 00:04:58,771
This is just nonsense.
It'll blow over.
138
00:04:58,806 --> 00:05:01,474
And the Pie-mary
is ridiculous and antiquated.
139
00:05:01,508 --> 00:05:02,875
But the more
they talk about this,
140
00:05:02,910 --> 00:05:05,078
the less they're gonna talk
about your economic plan.
141
00:05:05,112 --> 00:05:06,713
Besides,
I'm good at making pies,
142
00:05:06,747 --> 00:05:09,449
so I'll win,
and then I can promote
143
00:05:09,483 --> 00:05:12,352
my self-published women's rights
barbecue cookbook--
144
00:05:12,386 --> 00:05:13,886
The Feminine Mesquite.
145
00:05:13,921 --> 00:05:15,388
Everything's fine.
146
00:05:15,422 --> 00:05:17,023
I had it in a safe place,
147
00:05:17,057 --> 00:05:19,158
and then I moved it
to protect it,
148
00:05:19,193 --> 00:05:20,980
and I don't remember where.
149
00:05:21,037 --> 00:05:22,004
I see.
150
00:05:22,038 --> 00:05:23,472
Don't be mad, Ron.
151
00:05:23,506 --> 00:05:25,741
She hid it too good,
152
00:05:25,775 --> 00:05:27,776
and she left a string of clues.
153
00:05:27,810 --> 00:05:32,080
It's an impossible puzzle,
and I love puzzles!
154
00:05:32,115 --> 00:05:35,217
A minimal, unhelpful note,
these appear to be human teeth,
155
00:05:35,251 --> 00:05:36,218
and what is this?
156
00:05:36,252 --> 00:05:37,519
Twilight: New Moon.
157
00:05:37,553 --> 00:05:40,022
It's a movie,
but I've never seen it.
158
00:05:40,056 --> 00:05:41,790
It's, like,
about lame werewolves
159
00:05:41,824 --> 00:05:43,058
and vampires and stuff.
160
00:05:43,092 --> 00:05:45,360
Donna likes those things!
161
00:05:45,395 --> 00:05:47,129
Dollars to doughnuts
this points us her way.
162
00:05:47,163 --> 00:05:50,332
Finally, a scavenger hunt
worthy of my time.
163
00:05:50,366 --> 00:05:51,400
Onward!
164
00:05:52,402 --> 00:05:53,535
Okay.
165
00:05:53,569 --> 00:05:55,671
Snacks given, kids tucked in,
books read,
166
00:05:55,705 --> 00:05:57,939
three simultaneous meltdowns
for no reason,
167
00:05:57,974 --> 00:05:59,541
kids tucked back in,
168
00:05:59,575 --> 00:06:01,944
one of them briefly
got outside somehow,
169
00:06:01,978 --> 00:06:02,911
kids back in bed.
170
00:06:02,945 --> 00:06:04,179
They're all napping.
171
00:06:04,213 --> 00:06:07,149
Okay, I got everything
you need for pie domination.
172
00:06:07,183 --> 00:06:09,251
I even got
an extra whipped-cream can.
173
00:06:09,285 --> 00:06:12,587
One for baking,
one for directly-into-mouth.
174
00:06:12,622 --> 00:06:14,223
Oh, you know me so well.
175
00:06:16,092 --> 00:06:18,160
That might be one of the kids.
176
00:06:18,194 --> 00:06:19,194
Hi, Leslie.
177
00:06:19,228 --> 00:06:20,362
Elise Yarktin
178
00:06:20,396 --> 00:06:22,197
from the Indiana
Organization of Women.
179
00:06:22,231 --> 00:06:24,600
Oh, my goodness!
Elise, please come in.
180
00:06:24,634 --> 00:06:25,867
Wait!
181
00:06:25,902 --> 00:06:28,170
Are you here to give me
the Woman of the Year award?
182
00:06:28,204 --> 00:06:29,471
I have a speech prepared.
183
00:06:29,505 --> 00:06:31,106
Would you like
to see it right now?
184
00:06:31,140 --> 00:06:32,107
No.
185
00:06:32,141 --> 00:06:33,542
Leslie, we were thrilled
186
00:06:33,576 --> 00:06:35,711
to find out you were boycotting
that ridiculous Pie-mary,
187
00:06:35,745 --> 00:06:37,579
but we just got word
you've decided to enter?
188
00:06:37,614 --> 00:06:39,047
Yeah.
189
00:06:39,082 --> 00:06:41,883
Well, I agree that it's dumb,
but this is not about me.
190
00:06:41,918 --> 00:06:45,354
It's about Ben, and he will do
more for women than Hartwell.
191
00:06:45,388 --> 00:06:47,222
So, you know, lose a battle,
win the war.
192
00:06:47,257 --> 00:06:48,690
That kind of thing.
It's the way to go.
193
00:06:48,725 --> 00:06:50,392
Look, the Pie-mary
is retrogressive
194
00:06:50,426 --> 00:06:52,594
and misogynistic,
and if you participate,
195
00:06:52,628 --> 00:06:53,695
we will have no choice
196
00:06:53,730 --> 00:06:55,931
but to protest you and Ben
at the event.
197
00:06:55,965 --> 00:06:58,100
Hope you like pies...
198
00:06:58,134 --> 00:07:00,068
in yo' face.
199
00:07:00,103 --> 00:07:01,803
Metaphorically.
We'll be civil.
200
00:07:01,838 --> 00:07:05,107
Elise, there is no bigger
defender of gender equality
201
00:07:05,141 --> 00:07:07,109
than Leslie Knope,
and my husband, Ben,
202
00:07:07,143 --> 00:07:10,245
is a progressive champion
of women's rights.
203
00:07:10,280 --> 00:07:11,813
Babe, the oven's ready.
204
00:07:11,848 --> 00:07:13,515
Chop-chop!
Time to get baking.
205
00:07:13,549 --> 00:07:16,184
Daddy want pie!
206
00:07:16,219 --> 00:07:17,962
Hi. Ben Wyatt.
207
00:07:20,927 --> 00:07:22,936
We have a wonderfully
small number of clues.
208
00:07:23,056 --> 00:07:24,389
One is this ticket.
209
00:07:24,424 --> 00:07:27,292
Did you see this movie
about vampires and such?
210
00:07:27,327 --> 00:07:28,226
New Moon?
211
00:07:28,261 --> 00:07:29,895
Yeah, I saw it with April.
212
00:07:29,929 --> 00:07:31,730
She was so hopped up
on painkillers
213
00:07:31,764 --> 00:07:33,131
from getting
her wisdom teeth out,
214
00:07:33,166 --> 00:07:34,700
I convinced her
to see it with me.
215
00:07:34,734 --> 00:07:36,602
The teeth!
They're yours.
216
00:07:36,636 --> 00:07:38,237
You were super out of it.
217
00:07:38,271 --> 00:07:40,672
You kept yelling,
"Team Voldemort!" at the screen,
218
00:07:40,707 --> 00:07:41,840
and we were kicked out.
219
00:07:41,874 --> 00:07:43,508
I was furious.
220
00:07:43,543 --> 00:07:45,377
You only get to see
the second Twilight film
221
00:07:45,411 --> 00:07:46,745
for the seventh time once.
222
00:07:46,779 --> 00:07:48,914
Do you remember anything
about a key
223
00:07:48,948 --> 00:07:51,717
or April doing
anything unusual that day?
224
00:07:51,751 --> 00:07:54,219
She did make us stop
by the shoe-shine stand
225
00:07:54,254 --> 00:07:55,654
before she left,
because she wanted
226
00:07:55,688 --> 00:07:57,322
to drop something off for Andy.
227
00:07:57,357 --> 00:07:59,091
She had a real bad crush on him.
228
00:07:59,125 --> 00:08:02,928
Oh, babe! You had a crush on me!
229
00:08:02,962 --> 00:08:04,196
That's embarrassing.
230
00:08:04,230 --> 00:08:05,163
We're married.
231
00:08:05,198 --> 00:08:06,465
Still!
232
00:08:06,499 --> 00:08:08,066
To the shoe-shine stand!
233
00:08:08,101 --> 00:08:10,636
- Stop! Stop!
- Ooh, chase me!
234
00:08:14,474 --> 00:08:16,041
Garry, what the hell
are you doing?
235
00:08:16,075 --> 00:08:17,209
Oh, gosh.
236
00:08:17,243 --> 00:08:19,478
Well, I dropped my wedding ring
down this grate,
237
00:08:19,512 --> 00:08:20,913
and then I was trying
to get it out,
238
00:08:20,947 --> 00:08:22,648
and I dropped my keys
down there too,
239
00:08:22,682 --> 00:08:24,683
so I can't leave.
240
00:08:24,717 --> 00:08:26,418
Damn. This takes me back.
241
00:08:26,452 --> 00:08:27,886
You mind if I stay and watch?
242
00:08:27,921 --> 00:08:28,887
Oh, not at all.
243
00:08:28,921 --> 00:08:30,322
Appreciate the company.
244
00:08:30,356 --> 00:08:32,290
The I.O.W.
does not mess around,
245
00:08:32,325 --> 00:08:33,625
which, normally,
is why I love them,
246
00:08:33,660 --> 00:08:34,993
but now I'm on the other side.
247
00:08:35,028 --> 00:08:36,161
Oh, my God, Ben!
248
00:08:36,195 --> 00:08:38,196
I gave them $100
in their annual pledge.
249
00:08:38,231 --> 00:08:40,799
Do you know how many anti-me
signs that could buy?
250
00:08:40,833 --> 00:08:43,635
You just don't do
the pie contest, obviously.
251
00:08:43,670 --> 00:08:45,203
Then we're just back
where we started.
252
00:08:45,238 --> 00:08:46,559
Then it just seems
like I'm saying
253
00:08:46,572 --> 00:08:48,040
I'm better
than the women who bake.
254
00:08:48,074 --> 00:08:50,042
What should we do?
Should we get a divorce?
255
00:08:50,076 --> 00:08:51,810
Well, how about this?
256
00:08:51,844 --> 00:08:53,779
What if I register
for the contest?
257
00:08:53,813 --> 00:08:55,047
I bake the pie.
258
00:08:55,081 --> 00:08:56,682
I act as my own wife.
259
00:08:56,716 --> 00:08:57,916
Oh, that could work.
260
00:08:57,951 --> 00:08:59,951
We sidestep the controversy,
261
00:08:59,986 --> 00:09:02,988
we refocus the campaign
onto the actual candidate,
262
00:09:03,022 --> 00:09:05,824
and then we flip the antiquated
tradition right on its head.
263
00:09:05,858 --> 00:09:08,393
Exactly, but more importantly,
264
00:09:08,428 --> 00:09:12,631
we change the idea
of what a pie is.
265
00:09:12,665 --> 00:09:14,366
I feel like
that's not more important,
266
00:09:14,400 --> 00:09:16,768
but I-I like the energy
that we have, so let's hear it.
267
00:09:16,803 --> 00:09:17,936
Okay. Picture this.
268
00:09:17,971 --> 00:09:21,606
Crust on the bottom,
filling, crust on top.
269
00:09:21,641 --> 00:09:22,741
What am I describing?
270
00:09:22,775 --> 00:09:23,909
A pie.
271
00:09:23,943 --> 00:09:26,345
No, but you're
in the right zone.
272
00:09:26,379 --> 00:09:27,346
Oh.
273
00:09:27,380 --> 00:09:29,047
- Calzone!
- Sure.
274
00:09:29,082 --> 00:09:31,683
Pies are just
sweet calzones, honey,
275
00:09:31,718 --> 00:09:33,685
and I'm good at making calzones.
276
00:09:33,720 --> 00:09:34,720
You're amazing.
277
00:09:34,754 --> 00:09:35,988
I can win this thing.
278
00:09:36,022 --> 00:09:37,489
Of course you can, baby!
279
00:09:37,523 --> 00:09:38,924
Get in there and start baking!
280
00:09:38,958 --> 00:09:41,126
♪ Talk about the highway ♪
281
00:09:41,160 --> 00:09:44,529
♪ To the calzone-zone! ♪
282
00:09:45,598 --> 00:09:48,000
I am having
some serious déjà vu.
283
00:09:48,034 --> 00:09:49,635
How many times have you lost
your wedding ring?
284
00:09:49,669 --> 00:09:51,536
Oh, G--
285
00:09:51,571 --> 00:09:53,772
Too many times to count.
286
00:09:53,806 --> 00:09:55,507
And it causes
real trouble with Gayle.
287
00:09:55,541 --> 00:09:56,981
Yeah, I mean,
anytime I lose my ring,
288
00:09:57,010 --> 00:09:59,044
she turns
into a real grumpy goose.
289
00:09:59,078 --> 00:10:00,579
- Is that so?
- Oh, yeah.
290
00:10:00,613 --> 00:10:02,514
She'll say, you know,
"Garry, you'd lose your head
291
00:10:02,548 --> 00:10:03,982
if it wasn't screwed
on tight."
292
00:10:04,017 --> 00:10:05,717
And then she makes me go
293
00:10:05,752 --> 00:10:07,853
for the fresh oranges
for the morning OJ.
294
00:10:07,887 --> 00:10:11,823
Yeah, I mean,
she says, "Hey, Mr. Forgetful."
295
00:10:11,858 --> 00:10:13,258
Well, I mean,
those words--
296
00:10:13,293 --> 00:10:14,688
I mean, they rattle
around here for hours.
297
00:10:14,808 --> 00:10:16,414
That's why
I've got to be extra careful
298
00:10:16,534 --> 00:10:18,570
with this replacement ring,
because if I lost--
299
00:10:24,153 --> 00:10:26,448
I'm gonna order us some dinner.
300
00:10:29,372 --> 00:10:31,106
The shoe-shine stand
is gone...
301
00:10:31,141 --> 00:10:33,742
or maybe it was never here.
302
00:10:33,777 --> 00:10:35,657
They must have moved
it during the remodel.
303
00:10:35,679 --> 00:10:37,746
It's probably
in basement storage.
304
00:10:37,781 --> 00:10:38,781
To the basement!
305
00:10:42,552 --> 00:10:44,720
- Tighter!
- Are you sure, dude?
306
00:10:44,754 --> 00:10:46,522
Yeah, dude. Tighter.
I can do it.
307
00:10:46,556 --> 00:10:47,656
Do what exactly?
308
00:10:47,691 --> 00:10:49,358
Nothing.
We're not doing anything.
309
00:10:49,392 --> 00:10:51,627
And we definitely
do not live down here now.
310
00:10:51,661 --> 00:10:53,963
Guys, where's the old
shoe-shine stand from upstairs?
311
00:10:53,997 --> 00:10:55,397
We don't know anything
about that.
312
00:10:55,432 --> 00:10:56,432
Boys, think.
313
00:10:56,466 --> 00:10:57,600
We are on a quest,
314
00:10:57,634 --> 00:10:59,835
and we are not leaving
until we get an answer.
315
00:10:59,870 --> 00:11:01,737
Well, we're on our own quest,
316
00:11:01,771 --> 00:11:03,939
which is to squeeze this
just tight enough
317
00:11:03,974 --> 00:11:05,674
to make my eyes bulge out
a little bit,
318
00:11:05,709 --> 00:11:07,309
but not so tight that I die.
319
00:11:07,344 --> 00:11:08,425
Oh, I've been there.
320
00:11:08,445 --> 00:11:09,912
That's a real tightrope walk.
321
00:11:09,946 --> 00:11:11,947
Oh! Hey!
322
00:11:11,982 --> 00:11:15,518
Last week this real scary ghost
came down here looking for it.
323
00:11:15,552 --> 00:11:18,521
It had black hair, but you could
see through its skin,
324
00:11:18,555 --> 00:11:19,989
and it didn't like me,
325
00:11:20,023 --> 00:11:22,391
but that's just 'cause
I got a soul of a Ghostbuster.
326
00:11:22,425 --> 00:11:23,692
Yeah, it said something
327
00:11:23,727 --> 00:11:26,462
about how it was worried
Brett was gonna mug it.
328
00:11:26,496 --> 00:11:29,432
Okay, so we're looking
for a racist ghost
329
00:11:29,466 --> 00:11:31,667
with black hair
who likes shoe shines.
330
00:11:31,701 --> 00:11:33,068
I think I have the answer.
331
00:11:33,103 --> 00:11:35,337
The chase continues!
332
00:11:36,373 --> 00:11:37,640
Okay, wait.
333
00:11:37,674 --> 00:11:39,575
The time that you told us you
were mugged in the park,
334
00:11:39,609 --> 00:11:41,110
what were you
reaching for in the river?
335
00:11:41,144 --> 00:11:43,078
- A burrito.
- That's right!
336
00:11:43,113 --> 00:11:46,048
You fell in the river
reaching for a burrito.
337
00:11:46,083 --> 00:11:48,250
Yes, ma'am, that was not
one of my finer moments.
338
00:11:49,519 --> 00:11:51,187
Ooh, it's getting late.
We need to bounce.
339
00:11:51,221 --> 00:11:53,456
- I can give you a ride.
- Oh, thank you, Donna.
340
00:11:53,490 --> 00:11:55,357
Probably gonna get an earful
when I get home tonight.
341
00:11:56,393 --> 00:11:58,727
Gayle might even call me
the B word.
342
00:11:58,762 --> 00:11:59,829
"Bozo."
343
00:11:59,863 --> 00:12:01,430
- Wow.
- Mm.
344
00:12:01,465 --> 00:12:03,866
We are very different people.
345
00:12:04,935 --> 00:12:06,535
Did you hear back from Elise?
346
00:12:06,570 --> 00:12:07,937
Oh, yeah, we're good.
347
00:12:07,971 --> 00:12:09,538
The I.O.W.
is not gonna protest us.
348
00:12:09,573 --> 00:12:11,440
How's your pie?
349
00:12:11,475 --> 00:12:13,542
I don't know.
I didn't make a pie.
350
00:12:13,577 --> 00:12:14,543
Okay.
351
00:12:14,578 --> 00:12:16,111
How is your dessert calzone?
352
00:12:16,146 --> 00:12:17,246
It's ready.
353
00:12:17,280 --> 00:12:19,882
The question is, are they?
354
00:12:19,916 --> 00:12:21,317
All right.
355
00:12:21,351 --> 00:12:24,687
Our next contestant is candidate
Ben Wyatt's wife, Leslie.
356
00:12:24,721 --> 00:12:27,523
Let's see what Mrs. Wyatt
has baked up for us, shall we?
357
00:12:27,557 --> 00:12:29,425
It's actually Ms. Knope,
358
00:12:29,459 --> 00:12:31,694
and, actually, right now
it's Mr. Wyatt.
359
00:12:31,728 --> 00:12:33,295
Leslie has her own busy life,
360
00:12:33,330 --> 00:12:35,464
and I happen to be
an excellent pie maker,
361
00:12:35,499 --> 00:12:37,566
so we figured
we'd switch it up a bit.
362
00:12:37,601 --> 00:12:39,502
Now, pack your suitcases,
363
00:12:39,536 --> 00:12:42,671
because we're going
to a little town
364
00:12:42,706 --> 00:12:46,342
called a-Napoli
in Ital-y.
365
00:12:46,376 --> 00:12:49,178
Free Ben Wyatt! Free Ben Wyatt!
366
00:12:49,212 --> 00:12:51,714
Excuse me.
Free me from what?
367
00:12:51,748 --> 00:12:53,616
From the tyranny of women.
368
00:12:53,650 --> 00:12:54,984
We are the Male Men.
369
00:12:55,018 --> 00:12:56,719
We are a men's rights
activist group,
370
00:12:56,753 --> 00:12:58,187
and we are fed up!
371
00:12:58,221 --> 00:12:59,922
I'm sorry.
What's happening now?
372
00:12:59,956 --> 00:13:05,394
Behind every successful woman
is a man she has oppressed.
373
00:13:05,428 --> 00:13:08,364
First, Leslie Knope
poaches her husband's campaign
374
00:13:08,398 --> 00:13:10,032
by making it all about her.
375
00:13:10,066 --> 00:13:12,134
Now she's forcing him
to bake pies
376
00:13:12,169 --> 00:13:13,969
and enter a contest for her?
377
00:13:14,004 --> 00:13:15,037
Oh, excuse me!
378
00:13:15,072 --> 00:13:16,372
I'm not forcing him
to do anything.
379
00:13:16,406 --> 00:13:17,606
He loves to cook.
380
00:13:17,641 --> 00:13:20,376
He--he has five
personalized aprons.
381
00:13:20,410 --> 00:13:22,545
Oh, so I guess
he was asking for it
382
00:13:22,579 --> 00:13:24,046
because of the way
he was dressed.
383
00:13:24,081 --> 00:13:29,152
We are sick and tired
of this feminized society!
384
00:13:29,272 --> 00:13:31,840
Men have had
a very rough go of it
385
00:13:31,875 --> 00:13:36,078
for--just recently,
and it ends now!
386
00:13:36,112 --> 00:13:37,813
Male and proud!
387
00:13:37,847 --> 00:13:41,510
Male and proud! Male and proud!
388
00:13:42,977 --> 00:13:44,820
Leslie Knope exemplifies
389
00:13:44,940 --> 00:13:47,242
the feminist attack
on our values.
390
00:13:47,276 --> 00:13:48,610
She could learn
a little something
391
00:13:48,644 --> 00:13:50,445
about traditional
family structure
392
00:13:50,479 --> 00:13:52,347
from me and my husband,
Marshall.
393
00:13:52,381 --> 00:13:54,482
Um, fierce alert!
Eat 'em up, honey!
394
00:13:54,517 --> 00:13:55,884
The idea that feminism
395
00:13:55,918 --> 00:13:58,453
is an attack on family values
is absurd.
396
00:13:58,487 --> 00:14:00,822
Ooh, so you're
defending Leslie Knope.
397
00:14:00,856 --> 00:14:02,290
No. Absolutely not.
398
00:14:02,324 --> 00:14:03,892
Frankly, I don't
think she's done enough
399
00:14:03,926 --> 00:14:06,728
to distance herself
from this misogynistic lunacy.
400
00:14:06,762 --> 00:14:09,364
Let's turn,
now, to Sasha Dunkirk.
401
00:14:09,398 --> 00:14:12,767
She is head of the group
Women Against Feminism.
402
00:14:12,802 --> 00:14:14,636
What a surprise!
403
00:14:14,670 --> 00:14:18,239
The woman is only talking
to other women.
404
00:14:18,274 --> 00:14:20,875
Can we have one conversation
about feminism
405
00:14:20,910 --> 00:14:22,677
where men get to be in charge?
406
00:14:22,712 --> 00:14:24,345
I actually agree with him.
407
00:14:24,380 --> 00:14:26,314
I don't need your pity.
408
00:14:26,348 --> 00:14:29,484
Joan, Leslie Knope and I
are united
409
00:14:29,518 --> 00:14:31,519
in our disgust
of this week's events.
410
00:14:31,554 --> 00:14:35,323
Leslie, if you're watching,
I, Brandi Maxxxx,
411
00:14:35,358 --> 00:14:39,394
star of 69 Jump Street
and 50 Shaved Old Gays,
412
00:14:39,428 --> 00:14:40,795
have your back.
413
00:14:40,830 --> 00:14:41,863
Oof!
414
00:14:41,897 --> 00:14:43,765
Really stepped in it
this time, Knope.
415
00:14:43,799 --> 00:14:45,433
Why isn't
the other candidate's wife
416
00:14:45,468 --> 00:14:46,935
being scrutinized like this?
417
00:14:46,969 --> 00:14:50,538
Because June Hartwell
is a lukewarm bowl of nothing.
418
00:14:50,573 --> 00:14:51,973
She started
an awareness campaign
419
00:14:52,007 --> 00:14:53,241
called "Bring a Sweater."
420
00:14:53,275 --> 00:14:54,809
She calls it
goose-bump prevention.
421
00:14:54,844 --> 00:14:56,277
Come on, you guys,
you know the drill.
422
00:14:56,312 --> 00:14:58,046
Just ignore the fact
that you're right,
423
00:14:58,080 --> 00:15:01,616
put on your blandest outfits,
so that one, hopefully,
424
00:15:01,650 --> 00:15:03,610
and then just go out there
and publicly apologize.
425
00:15:03,619 --> 00:15:04,586
Done.
426
00:15:04,620 --> 00:15:06,554
- What?
- Apologize for what?
427
00:15:06,589 --> 00:15:08,467
Doesn't matter.
Just say you're sorry.
428
00:15:08,587 --> 00:15:09,802
It's like taking
a shot of tequila.
429
00:15:09,856 --> 00:15:11,424
You just got to force it down.
430
00:15:11,458 --> 00:15:13,693
Suddenly, the world feels
so much more pleasant.
431
00:15:13,727 --> 00:15:16,228
I do three shots every time
I have to enter this house.
432
00:15:19,833 --> 00:15:21,867
Donna, what are you
doing here so early?
433
00:15:21,902 --> 00:15:23,069
I come bearing gifts.
434
00:15:23,103 --> 00:15:25,004
First off,
I got a dude in maintenance
435
00:15:25,038 --> 00:15:26,439
to open up that grate
this morning.
436
00:15:26,473 --> 00:15:30,876
So here's your rings,
keys, credit cards,
437
00:15:30,911 --> 00:15:32,578
and I found some heart medicine
I assume is yours.
438
00:15:32,612 --> 00:15:34,714
Yeah, no, that's mine.
That's mine. Oh, my gosh.
439
00:15:34,748 --> 00:15:36,182
Also, I thought I'd bring over
440
00:15:36,216 --> 00:15:38,050
some fresh oranges
for you and Gayle.
441
00:15:38,085 --> 00:15:40,252
Okay, well,
that is just so kind, Donna.
442
00:15:40,287 --> 00:15:41,387
Thank you.
443
00:15:41,421 --> 00:15:43,556
- You're one of a kind, Garry.
- Oh.
444
00:15:43,590 --> 00:15:46,158
And I just want to thank you
for taking me down memory lane,
445
00:15:46,193 --> 00:15:47,560
you big B word.
446
00:15:47,594 --> 00:15:49,862
- Oh.
- "Buddy."
447
00:15:51,498 --> 00:15:54,233
So much has
changed around here.
448
00:15:54,267 --> 00:15:57,436
Uhh, I just wanted to remember
the good old days,
449
00:15:57,471 --> 00:15:59,605
when a shoe shine was two bits
450
00:15:59,640 --> 00:16:03,242
and there were no Mexicans
in the music business.
451
00:16:03,276 --> 00:16:05,177
If you don't mind,
Councilman Milton,
452
00:16:05,212 --> 00:16:07,346
we just need
to search this stand.
453
00:16:07,381 --> 00:16:09,215
Yes! Found it.
454
00:16:12,219 --> 00:16:15,621
"Hi, Andy.
I hate people, but you are okay.
455
00:16:15,656 --> 00:16:17,623
It's weird. Woof, woof.
April."
456
00:16:17,658 --> 00:16:19,091
Oh, my God, babe,
you were so into me.
457
00:16:19,126 --> 00:16:20,359
That's hilarious.
458
00:16:20,394 --> 00:16:21,560
That's it.
459
00:16:21,595 --> 00:16:24,196
It's a dead end.
No more clues.
460
00:16:25,165 --> 00:16:28,000
See me in my office.
461
00:16:28,035 --> 00:16:29,735
If it makes you feel any better,
462
00:16:29,770 --> 00:16:32,805
I had a big crush on you too.
463
00:16:32,839 --> 00:16:36,142
It does make me feel
a little better. Thanks.
464
00:16:36,176 --> 00:16:37,777
Oh, thank God.
465
00:16:37,811 --> 00:16:39,845
Get off my boat!
466
00:16:41,081 --> 00:16:42,248
Good afternoon.
467
00:16:42,282 --> 00:16:44,450
I'm here today
to share with you all
468
00:16:44,484 --> 00:16:47,954
my vision for the economic
future of Southern Indiana,
469
00:16:47,988 --> 00:16:51,991
but first, Leslie Knope,
my wife...
470
00:16:52,025 --> 00:16:53,192
has a brief statement.
471
00:16:53,226 --> 00:16:54,226
Hello, everyone.
472
00:16:54,261 --> 00:16:55,361
Thank you. Wow.
473
00:16:55,395 --> 00:16:57,296
How about this weather
we're having?
474
00:16:57,330 --> 00:16:58,731
Very temperate.
475
00:16:58,765 --> 00:16:59,732
Okay.
476
00:16:59,766 --> 00:17:01,767
Recently,
I made an attempt to--
477
00:17:01,802 --> 00:17:03,302
Actually, hang on. Stop.
478
00:17:03,337 --> 00:17:07,473
I'm sorry. This whole thing
just makes me queasy
479
00:17:08,675 --> 00:17:11,077
I love how independent
my wife is,
480
00:17:11,111 --> 00:17:14,113
and because of that,
I will not let her speak.
481
00:17:14,147 --> 00:17:15,581
That came out wrong.
482
00:17:15,615 --> 00:17:19,118
The point is
Leslie is a great mother,
483
00:17:19,152 --> 00:17:21,954
public servant,
all-around person,
484
00:17:21,989 --> 00:17:25,391
and I am tired of everybody
constantly telling her
485
00:17:25,425 --> 00:17:27,560
that she's making
the wrong choice.
486
00:17:28,895 --> 00:17:30,596
So you can say
whatever you want.
487
00:17:30,631 --> 00:17:33,265
I couldn't care less about
the political consequences.
488
00:17:34,635 --> 00:17:36,302
Thank you, Ben.
489
00:17:36,336 --> 00:17:38,671
Well, the first thing
I'm gonna do is say sorry.
490
00:17:38,705 --> 00:17:42,641
I'm sorry that the spotlight
is on me and not on Ben,
491
00:17:42,676 --> 00:17:45,611
because he is going to make
a great congressman.
492
00:17:45,646 --> 00:17:47,179
Second, the Male Men.
493
00:17:47,214 --> 00:17:48,547
Where are you? Ah!
494
00:17:48,582 --> 00:17:50,549
You're ridiculous,
and men's rights is nothing.
495
00:17:50,584 --> 00:17:52,952
Third, I'm now gonna give you
permanent answers
496
00:17:52,986 --> 00:17:55,554
to all the silly questions that
you're gonna end up asking me
497
00:17:55,589 --> 00:17:57,890
and every other woman in this
election over the next few months.
498
00:17:57,924 --> 00:17:59,725
Why did I change my hairstyle?
499
00:17:59,760 --> 00:18:01,961
Well, I don't know, I just
thought it would look better.
500
00:18:01,962 --> 00:18:03,796
Or my kids got gum in it.
501
00:18:03,830 --> 00:18:05,398
Are you trying to have it all?
502
00:18:05,432 --> 00:18:07,767
That question makes no sense.
It's a stupid question.
503
00:18:07,801 --> 00:18:09,302
Stop asking it.
Don't ask it.
504
00:18:09,336 --> 00:18:10,970
Do you miss your kids
while you're at work?
505
00:18:11,004 --> 00:18:12,638
Yes, of course I do.
506
00:18:12,673 --> 00:18:14,040
Everybody does.
507
00:18:14,074 --> 00:18:16,475
And then, you know,
sometimes I don't.
508
00:18:16,510 --> 00:18:18,878
Yeah, and by the way, no one's
ever asked me that question.
509
00:18:18,912 --> 00:18:20,780
No one asks me,
"Where are your kids?"
510
00:18:20,814 --> 00:18:22,114
Or "Who's taking care
of them?"
511
00:18:22,149 --> 00:18:24,083
By the way, who is taking care
of the kids right now?
512
00:18:24,117 --> 00:18:25,217
My mom, babe.
Everything's fine.
513
00:18:25,252 --> 00:18:26,219
Right.
514
00:18:26,253 --> 00:18:27,653
So maybe Leslie doesn't fit
515
00:18:27,688 --> 00:18:30,723
your personal idea of what
a candidate's wife should be.
516
00:18:30,757 --> 00:18:32,291
So what?
517
00:18:32,326 --> 00:18:34,060
That's good,
because there shouldn't be
518
00:18:34,094 --> 00:18:35,227
just one idea anyway.
519
00:18:35,262 --> 00:18:36,395
That's right.
520
00:18:36,430 --> 00:18:37,763
If you want to bake a pie,
that's great.
521
00:18:37,798 --> 00:18:39,465
If you want to have a career,
that's great too.
522
00:18:39,499 --> 00:18:41,667
Do both or neither.
It doesn't matter.
523
00:18:41,702 --> 00:18:44,637
Just don't judge what
someone else has decided to do.
524
00:18:44,671 --> 00:18:47,139
I mean, we're all just trying
to find the right path for us
525
00:18:47,174 --> 00:18:50,810
as individuals on this Earth.
526
00:18:56,016 --> 00:18:58,217
I'd say that's 50/50
boos and cheers.
527
00:18:58,251 --> 00:18:59,418
Yeah, that seems about right.
528
00:18:59,453 --> 00:19:02,455
Let Ben speak!
Let Ben speak!
529
00:19:02,489 --> 00:19:03,422
He just spoke.
530
00:19:03,457 --> 00:19:05,391
Oh. Sorry.
I-I just got here.
531
00:19:05,425 --> 00:19:06,659
I had a broken bike chain.
532
00:19:06,693 --> 00:19:07,927
My bad.
533
00:19:09,040 --> 00:19:11,333
So I guess we are celebrating
534
00:19:11,453 --> 00:19:15,256
that you trusted me
and I let you down.
535
00:19:15,291 --> 00:19:16,391
Great.
536
00:19:16,425 --> 00:19:19,694
I change my house locks
every 16 days.
537
00:19:19,728 --> 00:19:21,229
That key has been useless
538
00:19:21,263 --> 00:19:24,766
since the second Tuesday
after I gave it to you.
539
00:19:24,800 --> 00:19:27,202
What matters is that I trust you
540
00:19:27,236 --> 00:19:29,771
and admire you as a person.
541
00:19:29,805 --> 00:19:32,774
I will be sorry
to see you leave this town
542
00:19:32,808 --> 00:19:35,343
for many reasons...
543
00:19:35,377 --> 00:19:36,811
not the least of which
544
00:19:36,846 --> 00:19:40,515
is that you created a puzzle
that even I couldn't solve.
545
00:19:40,549 --> 00:19:45,053
And boy, oh, boy,
did you love Andy.
546
00:19:46,822 --> 00:19:49,424
"Woof, woof."
547
00:19:49,458 --> 00:19:51,292
It really is embarrassing.
548
00:19:51,327 --> 00:19:53,394
Oh, my God.
I totally know where the key is.
549
00:20:01,003 --> 00:20:03,271
How'd you remember?
550
00:20:03,305 --> 00:20:05,740
"Woof, woof."
551
00:20:05,774 --> 00:20:06,975
Bark.
552
00:20:07,009 --> 00:20:09,244
Why here?
553
00:20:10,913 --> 00:20:13,281
Because this tree
reminds me of you.
554
00:20:13,315 --> 00:20:16,383
It's strong and quiet
555
00:20:17,094 --> 00:20:19,090
and always here when you need it...
556
00:20:20,663 --> 00:20:22,072
or whatever.
557
00:20:22,870 --> 00:20:25,838
I have always felt a
certain kinship with April,
558
00:20:25,873 --> 00:20:27,353
and this is proof
that I was correct--
559
00:20:27,913 --> 00:20:30,048
not the nice things
she said about me,
560
00:20:30,082 --> 00:20:32,517
the fact that I buried
a large amount of gold
561
00:20:32,551 --> 00:20:34,619
under that same tree years ago.
562
00:20:36,188 --> 00:20:38,623
I've since moved it.
563
00:20:38,657 --> 00:20:40,558
Or have I?
564
00:20:42,361 --> 00:20:43,795
- Elise.
- Oh...
565
00:20:43,829 --> 00:20:45,363
What did I do wrong now?
566
00:20:45,397 --> 00:20:47,865
No, actually,
we at the I.O.W.
567
00:20:47,900 --> 00:20:49,567
loved what you said
in your speech.
568
00:20:49,602 --> 00:20:50,835
Really?
569
00:20:50,869 --> 00:20:54,405
But what we loved even more
was how you, Ben,
570
00:20:54,440 --> 00:20:57,709
gave Leslie a platform
in which to speak her mind.
571
00:20:59,044 --> 00:21:01,014
Congratulations, Ben Wyatt.
572
00:21:01,134 --> 00:21:04,449
You are this year's I.O.W.
Woman of the Year.
573
00:21:04,483 --> 00:21:06,069
Son of a bitch.
574
00:21:06,189 --> 00:21:12,129
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www.addic7ed.com
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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