1
00:01:54,781 --> 00:01:55,770
That's the last one.

2
00:01:55,949 --> 00:01:58,577
Darn. one more
and we would've had a perfect pyramid.

3
00:01:58,751 --> 00:02:00,810
-Why don't we use this one?
-No, Balki, no.

4
00:02:00,987 --> 00:02:04,150
What? Perfect.

5
00:02:05,325 --> 00:02:08,453
obviously, you don't know
the first thing about physics.

6
00:02:11,297 --> 00:02:14,733
Morning, gentlemen.
And l use the word incorrectly.

7
00:02:14,901 --> 00:02:16,835
Good morning, Mr. Twinkacetti.

8
00:02:17,003 --> 00:02:17,992
TWlNKACETTl:
Huh.

9
00:02:18,171 --> 00:02:22,437
oh, look what you got.
You lucky son of a goat.

10
00:02:24,544 --> 00:02:26,808
lt's my driver's license.
l just got it renewed.

11
00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:28,709
Congratulations.

12
00:02:28,882 --> 00:02:33,910
oh, to get an official document like that
must make you so aroused.

13
00:02:35,822 --> 00:02:39,519
Yeah. Come to think of it,
l wonder when mine's up for renewal.

14
00:02:39,692 --> 00:02:42,490
oh, it's a wonderful thing,
a driver's license.

15
00:02:43,263 --> 00:02:45,595
l don't have a driver's license.

16
00:02:45,765 --> 00:02:50,600
And l want to thank you both
for letting me hang out with you anyway.

17
00:02:51,404 --> 00:02:54,339
-What are you talking about?
-Your driver's license.

18
00:02:54,507 --> 00:02:57,305
Your membership card
to the American dream.

19
00:02:57,777 --> 00:02:59,472
Balki, it's only a driver's license.

20
00:02:59,646 --> 00:03:05,846
only a driver's license?
ls the Lincoln Memorial only a building?

21
00:03:06,052 --> 00:03:09,715
ls Mount Rushmore
only a chunk of stone?

22
00:03:10,390 --> 00:03:14,087
ls Merv Griffin only a talk-show host?

23
00:03:16,129 --> 00:03:18,620
Well, it's hard to argue
when you put it like that.

24
00:03:19,098 --> 00:03:21,362
Didn't you have a driver's license
back in Mypos?

25
00:03:21,534 --> 00:03:23,525
Well, we only had one car.

26
00:03:23,703 --> 00:03:26,763
-Well, my family only had one car.
-My country only had one car.

27
00:03:28,441 --> 00:03:32,241
Which is a good thing, because
they let the guy with the brain drive.

28
00:03:32,412 --> 00:03:34,903
Twinkacetti, Balki could
get a driver's license.

29
00:03:35,081 --> 00:03:36,343
-l could?
-Sure.

30
00:03:36,516 --> 00:03:41,920
Don't be ridiculous.
l am not born in the U.S.A.

31
00:03:42,088 --> 00:03:46,047
Well, that doesn't make any difference.
You can still get a driver's license.

32
00:03:46,226 --> 00:03:49,024
-You're teasing Balki.
-No. lt's no big deal.

33
00:03:49,195 --> 00:03:52,790
All you need is someone
to teach you how to drive.

34
00:03:52,966 --> 00:03:54,797
-Will you teach me?
-Well, sure.

35
00:03:54,968 --> 00:03:56,458
l'm your friend.

36
00:03:56,636 --> 00:03:58,001
ln your car?

37
00:03:58,171 --> 00:04:00,503
Uh.... ln my car?

38
00:04:00,673 --> 00:04:02,971
Uh, Balki, l don't think
that's a good idea.

39
00:04:03,142 --> 00:04:04,234
Why not?

40
00:04:04,410 --> 00:04:08,039
Well, Balki, a man's car
is not just a piece of machinery.

41
00:04:08,214 --> 00:04:10,148
l mean, my car is very special to me.

42
00:04:10,850 --> 00:04:14,013
Why, l spent years saving nickels
and dimes so that l could....

43
00:04:14,721 --> 00:04:17,281
l mean, it's not that l don't trust you.

44
00:04:18,691 --> 00:04:21,683
lt's just that, uh....
Well, see, uh....

45
00:04:22,362 --> 00:04:23,556
How can l say this?

46
00:04:23,730 --> 00:04:26,164
You don't want it driven
into the side of a building.

47
00:04:26,332 --> 00:04:27,890
That's it.

48
00:04:29,135 --> 00:04:30,534
Well, that's not entirely it.

49
00:04:30,703 --> 00:04:33,467
Face it, we both know
the yo-yo can't get a license.

50
00:04:33,640 --> 00:04:36,336
-Well, that's not true.
-Fifty bucks says he can't.

51
00:04:36,509 --> 00:04:38,773
l'm not even gonna
dignify that with a response.

52
00:04:38,945 --> 00:04:42,813
Translated, that means your pal
doesn't think you can do it.

53
00:04:42,982 --> 00:04:43,971
[CHUCKLES]

54
00:04:44,150 --> 00:04:47,119
He can do anything
he puts his mind to.

55
00:04:47,453 --> 00:04:49,045
Put your money
where your mouth is.

56
00:04:49,222 --> 00:04:51,952
All right, you got a bet.
And l'll teach him in my car.

57
00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:53,524
-You will?
-Did l say it?

58
00:04:53,693 --> 00:04:55,991
-Yes.
-Damn.

59
00:04:57,430 --> 00:04:58,897
You're on.

60
00:04:59,065 --> 00:05:01,499
lt's gonna be like
taking candy from a baby.

61
00:05:01,668 --> 00:05:03,431
l haven't done that in a while either.

62
00:05:05,071 --> 00:05:07,369
My very own driver's license.

63
00:05:07,540 --> 00:05:10,202
l can't wait to hit the highway.

64
00:05:10,376 --> 00:05:13,174
[BALKl SlNGlNG THE BEACH Bo YS
''LlTTLE DEUCE CoUPE'']

65
00:05:14,881 --> 00:05:16,508
l volunteered my car.

66
00:05:16,683 --> 00:05:18,742
Please, God,
tell me l didn't make a mistake.

67
00:05:23,990 --> 00:05:26,390
Was that a yes or a no?

68
00:05:37,136 --> 00:05:39,331
Cousin Larry,
l have been looking at the manual.

69
00:05:39,505 --> 00:05:41,336
-The manual?
-The driving manual.

70
00:05:41,507 --> 00:05:44,943
oh, the driving manual.
Well, you can't study that too much.

71
00:05:45,111 --> 00:05:47,602
-Well, l have read every day for a week.
-That's good.

72
00:05:47,780 --> 00:05:50,681
You said when l have read the manual
and memorized the rules...

73
00:05:50,850 --> 00:05:53,284
...you would give me my lesson
in front of the wheel.

74
00:05:53,453 --> 00:05:56,445
That's behind the wheel. And see?
That's what l'm talking about.

75
00:05:56,622 --> 00:05:59,090
You don't even know
which side of the wheel to be on.

76
00:05:59,926 --> 00:06:02,190
But you promised to teach me.

77
00:06:02,829 --> 00:06:04,057
l know, l know.

78
00:06:04,230 --> 00:06:06,596
l just was hoping
we could wait a little longer.

79
00:06:06,766 --> 00:06:09,758
At least until my car
depreciates another year.

80
00:06:11,637 --> 00:06:13,935
okay. A promise is a promise.

81
00:06:14,107 --> 00:06:16,439
All right, come on.

82
00:06:17,210 --> 00:06:18,802
okay.

83
00:06:19,579 --> 00:06:22,241
Now, let's pretend that this is my car.

84
00:06:22,915 --> 00:06:24,815
oh, poh-poh.

85
00:06:26,586 --> 00:06:28,611
You don't trust me in a real car?

86
00:06:29,322 --> 00:06:31,085
l think we should get some practice...

87
00:06:31,257 --> 00:06:35,694
...before we get into an actual moving,
life-threatening motor vehicle.

88
00:06:35,995 --> 00:06:38,259
Now, get in the car.

89
00:06:43,736 --> 00:06:47,968
Don't you ever, ever do that again.

90
00:06:50,042 --> 00:06:52,340
-What?
-You slammed the door.

91
00:06:58,684 --> 00:07:03,678
Well, it's a little hard to remember
when you're driving a coffee table.

92
00:07:05,158 --> 00:07:06,853
okay. Now.

93
00:07:07,026 --> 00:07:10,962
You got your steering wheel,
your brake, gear shift, accelerator.

94
00:07:11,130 --> 00:07:13,291
Make sure it's in park and start it up.

95
00:07:13,633 --> 00:07:16,466
Cousin, there's nothing here.

96
00:07:16,636 --> 00:07:18,763
Don't you think
it would be easier in your car?

97
00:07:19,071 --> 00:07:21,767
Easier for you, not for me.

98
00:07:21,941 --> 00:07:25,377
All right, look, l'll build you
a little driving simulator.

99
00:07:25,545 --> 00:07:28,139
This is your gear shift...

100
00:07:28,314 --> 00:07:31,750
...the frozen broccoli
is your accelerator...

101
00:07:31,918 --> 00:07:35,945
...and the grapefruit is your brake.

102
00:07:36,522 --> 00:07:40,686
Now, it's in park, so just start it up.

103
00:07:42,161 --> 00:07:44,755
Did you give me the key?

104
00:07:52,638 --> 00:07:54,162
-What are you doing?
-Sunglasses.

105
00:07:54,373 --> 00:07:55,635
[BLoWS]

106
00:07:59,479 --> 00:08:02,141
-Buckle up.
-Start the car.

107
00:08:04,116 --> 00:08:06,607
okay. Now, put your foot on the brake.

108
00:08:06,786 --> 00:08:09,550
on the brake, the grapefruit. Good.

109
00:08:09,722 --> 00:08:12,020
Now, put it in drive...

110
00:08:12,191 --> 00:08:16,753
...and slowly, slowly,
give it a little broccoli.

111
00:08:17,530 --> 00:08:19,964
And just pull out into traffic.

112
00:08:20,132 --> 00:08:21,497
okay. Good.

113
00:08:21,667 --> 00:08:25,535
Now, we're cruising down the street.
A little broccoli, a little broccoli.

114
00:08:25,705 --> 00:08:27,332
okay, not so fast. Not so fast.

115
00:08:27,507 --> 00:08:28,838
There's a lot of traffic.

116
00:08:29,008 --> 00:08:31,670
This window too much on you?

117
00:08:33,913 --> 00:08:35,141
lt's fine.

118
00:08:35,314 --> 00:08:39,842
Now, what l'm gonna do is throw a few
emergency situations your way, okay?

119
00:08:40,019 --> 00:08:41,145
ls that all right? Good.

120
00:08:41,521 --> 00:08:43,819
-Look out!
-Aah!

121
00:08:44,557 --> 00:08:47,048
Now, that's rule number one.

122
00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:50,557
The driver never ever covers his eyes.

123
00:08:52,765 --> 00:08:55,700
-Why you did that?
-A school bus pulled out in front of you.

124
00:08:55,868 --> 00:08:57,130
l didn't see a school bus.

125
00:08:57,303 --> 00:09:01,239
How can you miss a big, yellow bus
with large flashing lights?

126
00:09:01,407 --> 00:09:04,899
Well, l was busy avoiding
the runaway baby carriage.

127
00:09:07,013 --> 00:09:08,412
What runaway baby carriage?

128
00:09:08,581 --> 00:09:11,482
What school bus?
l don't understand this game.

129
00:09:11,651 --> 00:09:12,743
All right.

130
00:09:12,919 --> 00:09:17,379
okay, Balki, if you're not gonna take this
seriously, there's no point in teaching you.

131
00:09:18,090 --> 00:09:21,389
-l'll do better.
-okay.

132
00:09:22,094 --> 00:09:25,530
l think we should take a few more
practice spins around the living room...

133
00:09:25,698 --> 00:09:28,792
...before the accelerator defrosts.

134
00:09:28,968 --> 00:09:32,529
And if you don't hit anything,
we'll, uh....

135
00:09:33,406 --> 00:09:34,805
We'll go for a ride in my car.

136
00:09:35,107 --> 00:09:36,768
oh, thank you, Cousin Larry.

137
00:09:36,943 --> 00:09:38,808
-And don't worry, l'll be careful.
-okay.

138
00:09:38,978 --> 00:09:42,641
-l'm turning right now.
-Signal. Signal. Signal!

139
00:09:51,457 --> 00:09:54,551
Next time, buckle up. lt's the law.

140
00:10:01,267 --> 00:10:02,564
SUSAN:
Balki, what happened?

141
00:10:02,735 --> 00:10:05,169
l had an accident in Cousin Larry's car.

142
00:10:05,571 --> 00:10:07,539
oh, no. Was anybody hurt?

143
00:10:07,707 --> 00:10:10,608
Unfortunately, l lived.

144
00:10:12,078 --> 00:10:16,139
-Seven, eight, nine, 1 0.
SUSAN: Larry, what happened?

145
00:10:16,315 --> 00:10:19,375
-Not now, l'm counting to a thousand.
-What happened?

146
00:10:19,552 --> 00:10:22,578
What happened? What happened?
He is what happened.

147
00:10:22,755 --> 00:10:24,950
We were practicing parking
at the supermarket...

148
00:10:25,124 --> 00:10:29,117
...when all of a sudden this runaway
shopping cart came hurtling across the lot.

149
00:10:29,295 --> 00:10:32,423
-A shopping cart?
-A hurtling shopping cart.

150
00:10:32,598 --> 00:10:35,158
-l told you to hit the brake.
-Yes, but you confused me.

151
00:10:35,334 --> 00:10:38,428
You keep shouting, ''Hit the grapefruit,
hit the grapefruit.''

152
00:10:38,604 --> 00:10:41,630
And l cannot remember
is it brake or gas, the grapefruit.

153
00:10:41,807 --> 00:10:44,298
Couldn't remember?
lt's the brake. lt's the brake.

154
00:10:44,477 --> 00:10:48,675
Grapefruit is the brake.
Who doesn't know that?

155
00:10:49,915 --> 00:10:53,248
The point is, the cart
plowed right into my front fender.

156
00:10:53,419 --> 00:10:56,582
oh, cousin,
l know you never can forgive me.

157
00:10:56,756 --> 00:11:00,886
l was a fool to think that ever
l could have a license like a real American.

158
00:11:01,060 --> 00:11:04,791
Now, l never will be
a real live cousin of my Uncle Sam.

159
00:11:04,964 --> 00:11:06,625
Balki....

160
00:11:07,366 --> 00:11:12,303
No. l am the lowest form of life.

161
00:11:12,471 --> 00:11:16,635
l am a car butcher.

162
00:11:17,309 --> 00:11:21,507
According to Mypos custom,
l have to go far away...

163
00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:24,707
...and cover my face in shame.

164
00:11:25,418 --> 00:11:26,646
Goodbye.

165
00:11:31,657 --> 00:11:34,319
l hate these old customs.

166
00:12:04,090 --> 00:12:05,182
[BALKl Mo ANS]

167
00:12:10,463 --> 00:12:11,896
[BALKl CRYlNG]

168
00:12:13,632 --> 00:12:15,156
Balki. Balki.

169
00:12:15,334 --> 00:12:17,962
Balki, l'm sorry.

170
00:12:18,137 --> 00:12:20,833
lt's just that it's my car
and it's your fault.

171
00:12:21,807 --> 00:12:25,607
No, no, no.
l mean, l didn't mean to say that.

172
00:12:25,778 --> 00:12:30,408
l overreacted. l owe you an apology.
l'm sorry.

173
00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:34,383
l was more concerned
about my car than your feelings.

174
00:12:34,553 --> 00:12:35,952
No, you were right.

175
00:12:36,555 --> 00:12:40,992
l am a lowly immigrant
who dared to dream.

176
00:12:41,694 --> 00:12:43,992
Don't talk like that.

177
00:12:44,497 --> 00:12:49,594
l don't deserve a driver's license.
l don't even deserve a library card.

178
00:12:51,203 --> 00:12:54,866
l would probably be arrested
for speed reading.

179
00:12:56,876 --> 00:12:59,401
Things don't always come easy.

180
00:12:59,578 --> 00:13:02,342
lt wasn't easy for you
to pack up and come to America.

181
00:13:02,515 --> 00:13:04,449
You found me. You found a job.

182
00:13:04,617 --> 00:13:07,085
You found a place to live.
That was tough.

183
00:13:07,319 --> 00:13:10,186
And you're not a quitter.
You know why?

184
00:13:11,624 --> 00:13:14,252
l give up. Why?

185
00:13:15,261 --> 00:13:18,389
[SlNGlNG ''AMERlCA THE BEAUTlFUL'']

186
00:13:19,799 --> 00:13:23,565
[BoTH SlNGlNG
''AMERlCA THE BEAUTlFUL'']

187
00:13:24,670 --> 00:13:29,107
Because you were born with the desire
to make yourself better.

188
00:13:29,875 --> 00:13:32,469
That's why you came to America.

189
00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:37,548
Hanging in there is part of
what the American spirit is all about. Yes.

190
00:13:37,716 --> 00:13:40,276
[BoTH SlNGlNG
''AMERlCA THE BEAUTlFUL'']

191
00:13:43,689 --> 00:13:46,021
[SlNGlNG SoFTLY]

192
00:13:46,192 --> 00:13:49,684
When you fall off that horse, you've got to
climb right back on and show it who's boss.

193
00:13:49,862 --> 00:13:52,387
When the going gets tough,
the tough get going.

194
00:13:52,698 --> 00:13:54,359
Never say die.

195
00:13:54,533 --> 00:13:58,401
lf at first you don't succeed,
try, try again.

196
00:13:58,571 --> 00:14:02,871
You mean if l live in a glass house,
l must not throw stones.

197
00:14:03,042 --> 00:14:05,033
Yeah, uh....

198
00:14:05,211 --> 00:14:07,839
You can fool some of the sheep
all of the time...

199
00:14:08,013 --> 00:14:11,915
...but you can't fool some of the sheep
all of the time.

200
00:14:12,084 --> 00:14:15,747
Yes, yes, yes. Whatever works for you.

201
00:14:16,655 --> 00:14:20,056
The point is l don't want you
to lose your confidence.

202
00:14:20,226 --> 00:14:21,784
l believe in you.

203
00:14:21,961 --> 00:14:25,124
And to prove it, l want you
to go out there this afternoon...

204
00:14:25,297 --> 00:14:28,061
...and use my car to take that test.

205
00:14:28,234 --> 00:14:31,135
Cousin Larry,
you'll let me use your car again?

206
00:14:32,571 --> 00:14:34,334
Yes.

207
00:14:36,175 --> 00:14:40,475
Cousin Larry, Dimitri...

208
00:14:40,646 --> 00:14:45,583
...if you trust me that much, l'll do it.

209
00:14:45,751 --> 00:14:47,048
Great.

210
00:14:47,219 --> 00:14:50,711
-l'll get back on that horse.
-You bet you.

211
00:14:50,890 --> 00:14:54,087
-l'll show it who's boss.
-That's the spirit.

212
00:14:54,260 --> 00:14:55,522
-Cousin Larry?
-What?

213
00:14:55,694 --> 00:14:59,027
-Let go the key.
-l'm trying. l'm really trying.

214
00:15:09,341 --> 00:15:11,138
[CHATTERlNG]

215
00:15:19,018 --> 00:15:21,145
Nervous?

216
00:15:21,320 --> 00:15:25,450
of course not. Don't be ridiculous.

217
00:15:25,624 --> 00:15:27,819
You know that manual
backwards and forwards.

218
00:15:27,993 --> 00:15:30,928
-Backwards?
-lt's a figure of speech.

219
00:15:31,096 --> 00:15:33,860
-There's one question l have to ask you.
-Yes.

220
00:15:34,033 --> 00:15:36,900
lf four persons come to a four-way stop
at the same moment...

221
00:15:37,069 --> 00:15:40,368
...and the man on my right
has the right of way, who goes first?

222
00:15:40,539 --> 00:15:42,837
Because everybody
has somebody on his right.

223
00:15:45,911 --> 00:15:48,675
-That's why you buy insurance.
-Thank you.

224
00:15:48,847 --> 00:15:49,939
l'm very nervous.

225
00:15:50,115 --> 00:15:53,812
Relax. The people here
are very, very nice.

226
00:15:53,986 --> 00:15:55,214
Next.

227
00:15:57,256 --> 00:15:59,349
Well, come on. l don't have all day.

228
00:15:59,792 --> 00:16:02,226
Hey, you lucked out.
You got a good one.

229
00:16:04,229 --> 00:16:09,394
-okay, your first name is spelled B-A-L-K--
-K-l. K-l.

230
00:16:09,568 --> 00:16:10,899
Balki Bartokomous.

231
00:16:11,971 --> 00:16:15,998
-Current address, 6--
-627 Lincoln Boulevard.

232
00:16:16,608 --> 00:16:20,806
-Your place of birth?
-Mypos. lt's a Mediterranean island.

233
00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:23,278
Who's this, your ventriloquist?

234
00:16:25,117 --> 00:16:28,018
No, this my Cousin Larry.

235
00:16:29,688 --> 00:16:31,178
You, see the eye chart?

236
00:16:31,557 --> 00:16:35,653
Yes, l see it. Boy, that was an easy test.

237
00:16:37,162 --> 00:16:39,790
Cover the left eye, please.

238
00:16:39,965 --> 00:16:42,160
Your left or my left?

239
00:16:42,334 --> 00:16:44,063
Your left. My right.

240
00:16:49,341 --> 00:16:51,366
Take your hand off my face.

241
00:16:53,846 --> 00:16:56,041
Read the first line.

242
00:16:57,149 --> 00:16:58,810
''E.''

243
00:16:59,551 --> 00:17:01,576
Cover the other eye.

244
00:17:04,790 --> 00:17:06,985
Uncover the left eye.

245
00:17:08,160 --> 00:17:11,152
Lucky break. l couldn't see a thing.

246
00:17:13,165 --> 00:17:14,860
What's the last line you can read?

247
00:17:16,001 --> 00:17:20,529
''Copyright l963.
Printed in Hicksville, New York.''

248
00:17:20,706 --> 00:17:23,573
By somebody named ''Pat Pending.''

249
00:17:27,780 --> 00:17:29,509
okay. l'll give that to you.

250
00:17:29,681 --> 00:17:31,774
You see, Larry? l passed the eye test.

251
00:17:31,950 --> 00:17:34,646
See? All that studying paid off.

252
00:17:34,820 --> 00:17:36,651
Here's your written test. over there.

253
00:17:43,162 --> 00:17:46,097
All right, now take your time.
Some of these questions can be tricky.

254
00:17:46,265 --> 00:17:51,134
Uh, excuse me.
Cousin Larry, you're getting on my nerves.

255
00:17:51,470 --> 00:17:54,928
l'm sorry, it's just that getting a
driver's license is very important to him.

256
00:17:55,107 --> 00:17:57,632
-lt's kind of a symbol of--
-Park it over there.

257
00:17:57,810 --> 00:18:01,439
Yes, right. No problem.
l know you live with a lot of stress.

258
00:18:05,951 --> 00:18:07,646
What's the matter?

259
00:18:08,654 --> 00:18:09,882
Nothing. l have finished.

260
00:18:10,055 --> 00:18:12,580
-Finished? How could you be?
-l knew all the answers.

261
00:18:12,758 --> 00:18:16,057
Excuse me, l think my friend here
may have made a hasty act here.

262
00:18:16,228 --> 00:18:19,755
Cousin, cousin, relax. l may be nervous,
but l know my g's and u's.

263
00:18:19,932 --> 00:18:22,765
-That's p's and q's.
-l didn't know that.

264
00:18:22,935 --> 00:18:24,368
okay, one wrong.

265
00:18:24,703 --> 00:18:27,331
one wrong?
one wrong, Balki, that's great.

266
00:18:27,506 --> 00:18:29,872
-l got one wrong?
-only one. That's fantastic.

267
00:18:30,042 --> 00:18:33,102
-l got one wrong?
-lt's okay. You passed.

268
00:18:33,278 --> 00:18:34,870
You must have made a mistake.

269
00:18:35,047 --> 00:18:38,483
Look, you're allowed seven mistakes.
You passed the test.

270
00:18:39,284 --> 00:18:40,512
l demand a recount.

271
00:18:40,686 --> 00:18:43,621
No, Balki. Balki, let it go.

272
00:18:44,990 --> 00:18:49,324
Well, what do you know?
He's right. A perfect paper.

273
00:18:49,495 --> 00:18:51,861
l knew l was right.

274
00:18:52,030 --> 00:18:54,828
l'm sorry. All out of little gold stars.

275
00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:57,525
What about a little happy face?

276
00:19:00,839 --> 00:19:04,275
Balki, you've gotta
be nice to these people.

277
00:19:04,443 --> 00:19:07,776
lf that man was your driving examiner,
you'd be in a lot of trouble.

278
00:19:07,946 --> 00:19:09,345
Let's go.

279
00:19:11,583 --> 00:19:14,381
on this part of the test,
you're only allowed three mistakes.

280
00:19:14,553 --> 00:19:16,521
-Where's your car?
-ln front.

281
00:19:16,688 --> 00:19:20,715
ln the red zone? That's one.

282
00:19:35,073 --> 00:19:38,133
l told you all sales are final.

283
00:19:38,310 --> 00:19:40,335
Do l stand behind my products?

284
00:19:40,512 --> 00:19:45,449
Listen, Sister, look behind your Tv.
Do you see me there?

285
00:19:46,618 --> 00:19:48,916
There's your answer.

286
00:19:49,788 --> 00:19:52,552
Those nuns are so pushy.

287
00:19:54,760 --> 00:19:56,352
ls Balki here? l can't find him.

288
00:19:56,528 --> 00:19:59,520
He went for his driver's test two hours ago
and never came back.

289
00:19:59,698 --> 00:20:01,723
oh, too bad. You lost your pal?

290
00:20:01,900 --> 00:20:05,358
You lost your car?
You lost the bet. Pay me.

291
00:20:05,537 --> 00:20:08,836
He could be lying out there injured.
How can you think of money?

292
00:20:09,007 --> 00:20:12,238
Easy, l'm not a nice person.
Now pay me.

293
00:20:14,179 --> 00:20:15,840
Balki, you're alive.

294
00:20:16,014 --> 00:20:18,642
Yes, l think so. l have to sit down.

295
00:20:18,817 --> 00:20:20,375
TWlNKACETTl:
Get the man a chair.

296
00:20:20,552 --> 00:20:22,577
What happened? l was worried.

297
00:20:22,754 --> 00:20:26,246
l tried to call you from the hospital,
but the phones were being used.

298
00:20:26,425 --> 00:20:28,325
The hospital? You were in the hospital?

299
00:20:28,927 --> 00:20:32,658
l didn't want to get on the expressway,
but l got confused.

300
00:20:32,831 --> 00:20:34,822
You're not supposed to be
on the expressway.

301
00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:38,902
l know, but l said to him,
''You want to take a left?''

302
00:20:39,071 --> 00:20:42,632
And he said, ''Right.'' So....

303
00:20:42,808 --> 00:20:44,332
So l took a right and suddenly...

304
00:20:44,509 --> 00:20:47,910
...Frank and me were on the expressway
in the middle of rush hour.

305
00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:51,914
And l don't know why they call it
rush hour because nothing moves.

306
00:20:52,417 --> 00:20:54,112
Who is Frank?

307
00:20:54,286 --> 00:20:57,551
That grumpy guy
from the driver's license store.

308
00:20:57,723 --> 00:20:59,247
The one who had a heart attack.

309
00:21:00,025 --> 00:21:02,118
Frank had a heart attack?

310
00:21:02,294 --> 00:21:05,855
Well, no. lt turns out
what he had was a bad lunch.

311
00:21:06,031 --> 00:21:10,092
A salami sandwich, french fries
and two chili dogs.

312
00:21:11,036 --> 00:21:14,733
Nice guy,
but he had more gas than Exxon.

313
00:21:16,842 --> 00:21:18,002
You're breaking my heart, eh?

314
00:21:18,176 --> 00:21:21,168
You lost the bet, pay me.
Give me my money.

315
00:21:22,247 --> 00:21:27,150
-You're really enjoying this, aren't you?
-Human suffering is my thing.

316
00:21:27,653 --> 00:21:30,713
Suffer this. l got my license.

317
00:21:32,557 --> 00:21:34,491
You got it? You got it.

318
00:21:34,660 --> 00:21:36,628
[LARRY LAUGHlNG]

319
00:21:36,795 --> 00:21:38,695
You got it.

320
00:21:39,598 --> 00:21:43,762
Frank was so happy he wasn't dead
that he gave me my driver's license.

321
00:21:44,469 --> 00:21:47,063
No way. Let me see that.

322
00:21:47,839 --> 00:21:49,306
Excuse me a moment.

323
00:21:50,442 --> 00:21:51,636
[SCREAMS]

324
00:21:54,146 --> 00:21:55,613
Hey, but we had fun, didn't we?

325
00:21:57,516 --> 00:21:59,313
Uh, Mr. Twinkacetti....

326
00:21:59,484 --> 00:22:02,419
All right, the money. okay.

327
00:22:06,325 --> 00:22:08,885
So my kid misses Christmas.

328
00:22:11,763 --> 00:22:15,665
-Balki, you did it. l'm proud of you.
-Thank you, Cousin Larry.

329
00:22:15,834 --> 00:22:20,430
But you made me stick with it
when l was ready to throw up the towel.

330
00:22:21,139 --> 00:22:24,540
Beautifully put.
But you're the one who passed the test.

331
00:22:24,710 --> 00:22:29,272
Yes, but l was ready to be a quitter,
and give up my part of the American dream.

332
00:22:29,448 --> 00:22:30,847
But you wouldn't let me.

333
00:22:31,016 --> 00:22:35,214
lnstead, you had faith in me,
and you trusted me with your car.

334
00:22:35,387 --> 00:22:38,914
Well, trust is what friendship is all about.

335
00:22:39,091 --> 00:22:40,956
And you didn't even worry
about your car.

336
00:22:41,126 --> 00:22:43,924
l never gave it a thought.
Did you put on the parking brake?

337
00:22:44,096 --> 00:22:48,590
of course l did. Don't be ridiculous.

338
00:22:48,767 --> 00:22:50,735
What's a parking brake? Got you.

339
00:22:53,839 --> 00:22:56,933
Larry Appleton, you are the best friend...

340
00:22:57,109 --> 00:23:00,545
...this Mediterranean
sheepherder ever had.

341
00:23:01,079 --> 00:23:02,808
Thanks.

342
00:23:02,981 --> 00:23:04,812
What do you say
we go out and celebrate?

343
00:23:04,983 --> 00:23:07,918
lt's on Twinkie.
Where are the car keys?

344
00:23:08,086 --> 00:23:11,351
oh, they're nice and safe.
l locked them in the car.

345
00:24:01,339 --> 00:24:03,330
[ENGLlSH SDH]