1 00:01:46,873 --> 00:01:49,509 Oh, nice job. - Thank you. 2 00:01:49,609 --> 00:01:53,170 You finally found a task worthy of your talent. 3 00:01:56,516 --> 00:01:58,984 Cousin Larry, congratulate me. 4 00:01:59,152 --> 00:02:01,484 Congratulations. - Thank you. 5 00:02:01,654 --> 00:02:03,121 Why? 6 00:02:03,289 --> 00:02:06,486 Because today, I joined a healthy club. 7 00:02:09,429 --> 00:02:11,397 Why did you have to do something like that? 8 00:02:11,564 --> 00:02:15,694 Because, you see this? Body fat. You don't need it. 9 00:02:16,736 --> 00:02:20,194 But with aerobic exercise and weight resistance... 10 00:02:20,373 --> 00:02:24,776 ...you can whittle away that disgusting body bag of fat you got... 11 00:02:24,944 --> 00:02:29,210 ...and reap cardiovascular benefits. 12 00:02:29,382 --> 00:02:31,942 Whatever those are. And if you join today... 13 00:02:32,118 --> 00:02:35,781 Balki, some of these clubs are just out to rip you off. 14 00:02:38,291 --> 00:02:40,316 What does that mean? 15 00:02:40,493 --> 00:02:41,926 Turnip, turnip, turnip. 16 00:02:42,095 --> 00:02:48,295 They sell memberships to maroons like you and then, uh, split town with all the dough. 17 00:02:48,468 --> 00:02:50,595 Wish I had thought of that. 18 00:02:51,471 --> 00:02:54,531 Do you want to join with me? - Not on your life. 19 00:02:54,707 --> 00:02:57,699 This river runs too deep. 20 00:03:01,014 --> 00:03:03,141 You would meet women in tight leotards. 21 00:03:04,050 --> 00:03:05,176 Balki, think about it. 22 00:03:05,351 --> 00:03:08,582 Women who go to those clubs aren't interested in guys like you and me. 23 00:03:08,755 --> 00:03:12,350 You're wasting your money. - Well, if you say don't join, I don't join. 24 00:03:12,525 --> 00:03:15,323 Don't join. - Don't say that. 25 00:03:17,664 --> 00:03:19,598 Okay, I call and cancel my membership. 26 00:03:19,766 --> 00:03:22,064 Good. - But how I'm going to get exercise? 27 00:03:22,235 --> 00:03:24,965 Hey, hey, hey. You want exercise? 28 00:03:25,438 --> 00:03:28,464 I got 50 cases of motor oil in the stockroom. 29 00:03:28,641 --> 00:03:30,268 Why don't you work out on those? 30 00:03:32,845 --> 00:03:35,473 And you say he doesn't care about me. 31 00:03:45,191 --> 00:03:49,127 May I help you? - Hi. I'm looking for Balki Bartokomous. 32 00:03:50,763 --> 00:03:56,224 Well, I'm Balki Bartokomous' cousin. Larry Appleton. 33 00:03:56,769 --> 00:04:00,261 Jennifer Lyons. I sold Balki a membership to the Perfect Body Health Club. 34 00:04:00,440 --> 00:04:02,874 He was so excited, he forgot to sign the application. 35 00:04:03,042 --> 00:04:05,738 You're with Perfect Body? - Part-time. Are you a member? 36 00:04:05,912 --> 00:04:08,437 Uh, me? Uh, no. 37 00:04:09,048 --> 00:04:13,485 But I was thinking of joining a health club again. 38 00:04:14,153 --> 00:04:17,054 Well, Reuben's Perfect Body is the place. - I can see that. 39 00:04:17,223 --> 00:04:19,020 I mean, I would hope so. 40 00:04:20,760 --> 00:04:23,593 Jennifer. That was quick. 41 00:04:23,763 --> 00:04:25,958 I didn't even call you yet. - What do you mean? 42 00:04:26,132 --> 00:04:28,794 Well, what he means is, he was gonna call you... 43 00:04:28,968 --> 00:04:31,596 ...to tell you that I wanted to join the club with him. 44 00:04:31,771 --> 00:04:35,104 No, cousin, you said... - Balki, I think you better let me explain this. 45 00:04:35,275 --> 00:04:37,072 Balki. Excuse me. - This river... 46 00:04:37,243 --> 00:04:40,178 This river runs so deep... - Could I talk to you for a moment? 47 00:04:40,346 --> 00:04:42,678 We'll be right back. What are you trying to do? 48 00:04:42,849 --> 00:04:45,317 I'm trying to unjoin Reuben's Perfect Body. 49 00:04:45,485 --> 00:04:48,283 You can't. I am in love with her. 50 00:04:52,025 --> 00:04:53,856 Did I miss something? 51 00:04:54,727 --> 00:04:57,525 I think we are going to spend the rest of our lives together. 52 00:04:57,697 --> 00:04:59,631 Not you and me. 53 00:05:03,503 --> 00:05:04,868 Well, did you ask her out? 54 00:05:07,006 --> 00:05:10,169 You can take the boy out of Mypos... 55 00:05:11,277 --> 00:05:13,768 Women like this are only interested in jocks. 56 00:05:13,946 --> 00:05:18,440 I can't just ask her out. I have to deceive her first. 57 00:05:19,452 --> 00:05:21,682 Uh, excuse me, guys, but I have to get back to work. 58 00:05:21,854 --> 00:05:23,845 Could you sign this? 59 00:05:24,023 --> 00:05:27,151 Why don't you come with Balki tomorrow and see if you like the club? 60 00:05:27,593 --> 00:05:32,155 Well, I guess I could. I'll have to skip my 15-mile run. 61 00:05:33,032 --> 00:05:35,500 Good. Well, I'll see you both tomorrow morning. 62 00:05:35,668 --> 00:05:37,329 Okay. - Thanks. 63 00:05:37,503 --> 00:05:39,198 Bye. Bye-bye. 64 00:05:39,372 --> 00:05:40,964 BALKl: Bye, Jennifer. 65 00:05:44,243 --> 00:05:46,507 You run 15 miles every day? 66 00:05:49,182 --> 00:05:52,117 What do you do, get up real early before I'm awake? 67 00:05:53,019 --> 00:05:54,179 Yes. 68 00:06:22,682 --> 00:06:26,846 So many women. So little body fat. 69 00:06:29,055 --> 00:06:31,319 All right, look. Here are the ground rules. 70 00:06:31,491 --> 00:06:32,685 Jennifer is mine. 71 00:06:33,526 --> 00:06:36,757 I saw her first. - But I lusted after her first. 72 00:06:36,929 --> 00:06:38,794 This is America. Learn the customs. 73 00:06:40,767 --> 00:06:44,328 I never heard of that custom. - It's new. Come on. 74 00:06:44,504 --> 00:06:47,337 All right. Now, I'm gonna hit the weights. 75 00:06:48,708 --> 00:06:51,939 Watch and learn. 76 00:06:59,786 --> 00:07:03,415 There's a lot of weight on there. You probably wanna lower it. 77 00:07:03,756 --> 00:07:07,852 No. No pain, no gain. 78 00:07:08,161 --> 00:07:10,493 Okay, let me give you a hand. 79 00:07:21,441 --> 00:07:23,534 That other man must have been doing it wrong. 80 00:07:27,847 --> 00:07:30,680 That's right. Now, help me down. 81 00:07:42,795 --> 00:07:46,196 This is fun. - Don't... Just get me down. 82 00:07:48,134 --> 00:07:50,125 Hi, guys. 83 00:07:51,103 --> 00:07:52,934 Hi. - Hi. 84 00:08:00,313 --> 00:08:02,508 I'm about to start an advanced aerobics class... 85 00:08:02,682 --> 00:08:04,809 ...but there's a beginning one in five minutes. 86 00:08:04,984 --> 00:08:07,612 Well, uh, Jennifer, I think we can handle the advanced class. 87 00:08:07,787 --> 00:08:10,585 Okay, let's all start off by doing a little jogging in place. 88 00:08:10,756 --> 00:08:13,350 And jog, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. 89 00:08:13,526 --> 00:08:16,791 Jog, two, three, four... 90 00:08:18,297 --> 00:08:21,926 Six, seven, eight, jog, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. 91 00:08:22,101 --> 00:08:23,500 Jog, two, three, four... 92 00:08:23,669 --> 00:08:27,105 This is an advanced class? Ha. It's a joke. 93 00:08:29,408 --> 00:08:32,309 So, Jennifer, you're not going with anyone, are you? 94 00:08:32,478 --> 00:08:34,036 And arms. 95 00:08:37,049 --> 00:08:40,143 Hi. I'm Mary Ann. I'm a Sagittarius. 96 00:08:40,887 --> 00:08:43,515 I'm Balki. I'm a Bartokomous. 97 00:08:45,725 --> 00:08:48,558 Do you want to go out with me? - I'd love to. 98 00:08:49,595 --> 00:08:53,929 I think I just reaped a cardiovascular benefit. 99 00:09:11,017 --> 00:09:13,850 You guys look tired. - Tired? Ha-ha! 100 00:09:14,520 --> 00:09:17,455 Jennifer, tired is a state of mind. Ha-ha. 101 00:09:20,326 --> 00:09:23,159 And my mind is oatmeal. 102 00:09:25,298 --> 00:09:28,995 Cousin, we have been here four hours. 103 00:09:29,168 --> 00:09:31,102 Are you going to ask her out or what? 104 00:09:31,270 --> 00:09:36,173 I'm going to. I'm going to. I'm not here for my health, you know. 105 00:09:37,476 --> 00:09:40,240 I just haven't found the right moment yet. 106 00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:45,373 Well, we had a lot of spare moments during that 400 sit-ups we had to do. 107 00:09:45,551 --> 00:09:48,816 I feel like I gave birth to an ox. 108 00:09:51,390 --> 00:09:55,451 Well, I can't ask her now. I'm all sweaty. 109 00:09:59,498 --> 00:10:04,231 One, two. 110 00:10:04,403 --> 00:10:09,033 Sixty-eight, 69. 111 00:10:13,179 --> 00:10:15,204 Before I tell you what I just did... 112 00:10:15,381 --> 00:10:18,179 ...I want you to know, in Mypos, we have a saying. 113 00:10:24,123 --> 00:10:28,787 It says, "He who hesitates sleeps with the goats." 114 00:10:31,631 --> 00:10:34,759 I thought you all slept with the goats. 115 00:10:35,968 --> 00:10:37,595 We do. 116 00:10:38,638 --> 00:10:41,732 And this goat sleeper just asked Jennifer if she'd go out with you. 117 00:10:42,441 --> 00:10:44,602 You... You what? 118 00:10:47,246 --> 00:10:50,682 I am going to deport you in pieces. 119 00:10:53,419 --> 00:10:55,319 Help me unbuckle this. - I don't think so. 120 00:10:56,555 --> 00:10:58,022 Yah! 121 00:11:07,066 --> 00:11:08,090 What? 122 00:11:08,267 --> 00:11:11,327 How dare you interfere with the sanctity of a man's right to date. 123 00:11:11,504 --> 00:11:13,335 You scheming, girl-poaching... 124 00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:17,704 She said yes. - Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you. 125 00:11:25,451 --> 00:11:27,146 Boy. 126 00:11:28,621 --> 00:11:33,820 Never knew a workout could make you feel so good. 127 00:11:35,294 --> 00:11:39,128 I feel massive. 128 00:11:40,800 --> 00:11:43,360 I feel pumped up. 129 00:11:43,536 --> 00:11:46,937 I am Conehead the Barbarian. 130 00:11:48,174 --> 00:11:51,803 Well, nothing like a tough workout to make you feel alive. 131 00:11:51,977 --> 00:11:53,842 BALKl: Ha-ha-ha! 132 00:11:55,147 --> 00:11:59,106 So you thought the workout was tough, huh? 133 00:11:59,285 --> 00:12:00,513 Did I say tough? 134 00:12:00,953 --> 00:12:03,478 I meant challenging. 135 00:12:03,656 --> 00:12:06,989 In fact, I found myself wanting it to be more challenging. 136 00:12:07,393 --> 00:12:08,758 Didn't you? - Oh, yes. 137 00:12:08,928 --> 00:12:12,159 You're not tired, are you? - Oh, no. 138 00:12:12,331 --> 00:12:15,528 I'm chock-full of energy. Ha! 139 00:12:19,705 --> 00:12:23,573 You know, Balki, in six hours, two women... 140 00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:26,075 Let me amend that. 141 00:12:27,012 --> 00:12:31,608 Two gorgeous women are coming to this apartment. 142 00:12:31,784 --> 00:12:34,275 You know what that means, don't you? 143 00:12:52,037 --> 00:12:54,505 What are we talking about? 144 00:12:55,808 --> 00:12:59,266 Okay. Balki, for your benefit... 145 00:12:59,445 --> 00:13:02,710 ...I think we should identify our objective. 146 00:13:03,182 --> 00:13:06,174 Is this where you talk down to me? - Yes. 147 00:13:07,052 --> 00:13:10,021 Now, here's the plan. 148 00:13:11,290 --> 00:13:16,592 What we are trying to achieve is physical contact. 149 00:13:16,762 --> 00:13:21,324 Now, how do we achieve physical contact? 150 00:13:22,168 --> 00:13:23,931 Begging? 151 00:13:33,045 --> 00:13:34,603 Dancing. 152 00:13:34,780 --> 00:13:37,510 Cousin Larry, you are a genius. 153 00:13:37,683 --> 00:13:42,848 We'll dance, we'll eat, we'll drink with visitors. 154 00:13:44,590 --> 00:13:48,048 But first, we'll rest. 155 00:13:48,227 --> 00:13:52,163 Rest? Why? I'm not tired. Ha! 156 00:13:53,566 --> 00:13:58,503 Neither am I. But since we probably won't be getting any sleep tonight... 157 00:14:04,677 --> 00:14:07,145 We better stockpile some right now. 158 00:14:07,313 --> 00:14:11,113 Well, if we have to. - Hey, this is no fun for me either. 159 00:14:11,283 --> 00:14:15,219 I just hate sitting around like a bump on a frog. 160 00:14:15,955 --> 00:14:19,914 Well, we'll give it five minutes. And if we can't sleep, we'll go for a run. 161 00:14:32,404 --> 00:14:33,894 Ow. 162 00:14:35,140 --> 00:14:36,630 Ow. 163 00:14:37,776 --> 00:14:41,177 Oh, my gosh. What time is it? 164 00:14:41,347 --> 00:14:42,336 Ow. 165 00:14:43,415 --> 00:14:44,848 Ow. 166 00:14:46,051 --> 00:14:47,416 Oww. 167 00:14:48,087 --> 00:14:50,851 Oh! Oh! Oh! It's almost 8:00. 168 00:14:51,023 --> 00:14:53,218 Balki. Oh. Balki. 169 00:14:53,392 --> 00:14:57,260 We overslept and died. 170 00:15:00,799 --> 00:15:02,494 Balki. 171 00:15:15,781 --> 00:15:17,544 A little sore? 172 00:15:18,984 --> 00:15:22,351 I think we overdid the workout a little. 173 00:15:22,521 --> 00:15:26,013 Or you threw me out the window. 174 00:15:26,959 --> 00:15:31,259 Balki, it's almost 8:00. The giris are gonna be here any minute. 175 00:15:58,190 --> 00:15:59,350 Ow. 176 00:16:00,426 --> 00:16:04,419 I have to call and cancel the date. - Are you crazy? 177 00:16:04,596 --> 00:16:06,723 No, are you? 178 00:16:08,934 --> 00:16:12,028 Where are you going? - I'm going to call and cancel the date. 179 00:16:12,204 --> 00:16:14,934 Oh, no, you're not. - Oh, yes, I am. 180 00:16:15,107 --> 00:16:17,541 Oh, no, you're not. 181 00:16:39,264 --> 00:16:41,323 No, you don't. 182 00:16:43,469 --> 00:16:45,664 Ow! Ow! Ow! 183 00:16:49,041 --> 00:16:51,669 It's too late. They're here. 184 00:16:52,945 --> 00:16:56,813 I'll tell them we're too sore. I'll tell them to come back in a month. 185 00:17:01,320 --> 00:17:07,225 If they find out we're this sore after one workout, they'll drop us like that. 186 00:17:09,762 --> 00:17:11,161 Ow. 187 00:17:12,664 --> 00:17:17,192 I am supposed to act like I am not in the worst pain of my whole young life? 188 00:17:17,369 --> 00:17:20,167 Yes, please. 189 00:17:20,339 --> 00:17:23,502 I want Jennifer. 190 00:17:24,676 --> 00:17:26,166 Okay. 191 00:17:26,345 --> 00:17:30,509 If you really want Jennifer. 192 00:17:42,327 --> 00:17:43,555 Help me open the door. 193 00:17:46,565 --> 00:17:50,797 All right. You get the top, you get the top, you get the top. 194 00:17:52,404 --> 00:17:54,463 Turn, turn. 195 00:17:54,640 --> 00:17:57,905 Open, open. Hi, hi, hello. 196 00:17:58,077 --> 00:18:00,443 Hello. Come on in. - Hi. 197 00:18:00,612 --> 00:18:01,909 Why is it so dark in here? 198 00:18:02,081 --> 00:18:05,016 Oh, hey, Balki, don't be shy. Turn on the lights. 199 00:18:11,490 --> 00:18:13,720 Okay, Balki, come on. 200 00:18:28,974 --> 00:18:31,670 You guys are walking funny. Are you sore from your workout? 201 00:18:31,844 --> 00:18:33,004 Yes... - Oh, of course not. 202 00:18:33,178 --> 00:18:34,770 Not at all. 203 00:18:35,214 --> 00:18:40,880 So, uh, why don't we just sit down and talk and get to know one another? 204 00:18:49,995 --> 00:18:51,758 Karate. 205 00:18:51,930 --> 00:18:55,331 Karate yells. We're into, uh, many, many sports. 206 00:18:56,869 --> 00:19:00,430 We have wine and cheese. - Oh, well, well, why don't we? 207 00:19:00,606 --> 00:19:04,702 Why don't we see if the ladies wanna wait before plunging into the old feed bag? 208 00:19:04,877 --> 00:19:06,003 I'm starving. 209 00:19:09,414 --> 00:19:13,441 Well, uh, Balki, why don't you go get it? 210 00:19:13,619 --> 00:19:15,678 You brought it up. 211 00:19:19,258 --> 00:19:22,022 Why don't you help me go get it? 212 00:19:25,597 --> 00:19:26,996 Excuse us. 213 00:19:32,571 --> 00:19:34,801 You guys do everything together, don't you? 214 00:19:41,780 --> 00:19:43,213 Need any help? BALKl: Yes... 215 00:19:43,382 --> 00:19:46,442 No, no, no. - No, of course not. 216 00:19:46,952 --> 00:19:49,648 You just, uh, make yourselves comfortable. 217 00:19:53,458 --> 00:19:54,755 All right, all right, Balki. 218 00:19:55,260 --> 00:19:58,229 You get the cheese. I'll get the wine. 219 00:20:01,133 --> 00:20:02,623 BALKl: Aah! 220 00:20:03,969 --> 00:20:05,903 Ow. Ow. 221 00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:21,618 Out of cheese. 222 00:20:24,056 --> 00:20:26,456 Help me open the wine. 223 00:20:38,770 --> 00:20:44,106 Where's Larry? - Oh, he's on the floor. 224 00:20:48,380 --> 00:20:50,007 Doing sit-ups. 225 00:20:50,182 --> 00:20:54,516 Thirty-seven, 38, 39. Be right with you. 226 00:20:59,524 --> 00:21:01,754 We have wine... 227 00:21:02,294 --> 00:21:04,228 ...and no glasses. 228 00:21:05,430 --> 00:21:07,625 Couldn't you just pass the bottle around? 229 00:21:07,799 --> 00:21:10,666 Oh, here we go, here are some glasses. Here we go. 230 00:21:20,545 --> 00:21:21,739 Wine? 231 00:21:23,081 --> 00:21:24,105 We don't drink. 232 00:21:28,353 --> 00:21:29,752 Hey, why don't we dance? 233 00:21:33,025 --> 00:21:34,549 We can dance. - No, we can't. 234 00:21:34,726 --> 00:21:35,988 Yes, we can. - No, we can't. 235 00:21:36,161 --> 00:21:37,560 We can dance. - We can't dance. 236 00:21:37,729 --> 00:21:39,196 We can dance. We can dance. - No. 237 00:21:39,364 --> 00:21:41,059 We will dance. - No dance. 238 00:21:41,233 --> 00:21:46,068 You're not gonna fight over this, are you? - Fight? We can hardly move. 239 00:21:47,439 --> 00:21:48,906 I have a confessión to make. 240 00:21:49,341 --> 00:21:52,833 We are not the jerks you thought we were. - Jocks. 241 00:21:56,748 --> 00:22:00,445 Well, we figured the way you guys overdid it this morning, you'd be pretty sore. 242 00:22:00,619 --> 00:22:03,019 We're surprised you didn't call and cancel the date. 243 00:22:07,726 --> 00:22:10,388 Well, we were worried that if you thought... 244 00:22:10,562 --> 00:22:13,258 You didn't think just because we work out, we're only interested in hunks? 245 00:22:14,800 --> 00:22:16,290 Well, yes. 246 00:22:18,337 --> 00:22:19,827 We did. 247 00:22:20,005 --> 00:22:22,200 Well, I did. 248 00:22:22,374 --> 00:22:27,402 And I tried to deceive you, and I'm slime. 249 00:22:29,348 --> 00:22:34,012 And I guess you'll probably want to leave now. 250 00:22:34,486 --> 00:22:38,582 I'm sorry. We can't walk you to the door. 251 00:22:43,261 --> 00:22:47,027 Well, maybe we'll stay. As long as you've learned your lesson. 252 00:22:47,199 --> 00:22:51,192 Oh, yes, I have. I have, I have. 253 00:22:51,970 --> 00:22:55,201 Tell you what. Why don't you guys sit down? 254 00:22:55,374 --> 00:22:57,274 We'll go get the cheese out of the trash. 255 00:23:07,919 --> 00:23:09,477 BALKl: Good night. Bye-bye. 256 00:23:13,158 --> 00:23:15,592 Now, you see, those were two nice ladies. 257 00:23:15,761 --> 00:23:19,629 They were not just interested in our semi-hard bodies. 258 00:23:20,265 --> 00:23:23,564 They really liked our insides too. - Yeah. 259 00:23:24,069 --> 00:23:26,765 Why did you think they would not like you for who you are? 260 00:23:26,938 --> 00:23:29,566 Oh, I don't know. 261 00:23:29,741 --> 00:23:31,504 I guess it's because in high school... 262 00:23:31,676 --> 00:23:36,010 ...the cheerleaders always dated the jocks instead of guys like me. 263 00:23:36,181 --> 00:23:40,015 I mean, the giris in the Latin Club were fine. 264 00:23:41,987 --> 00:23:45,514 But just once, I wanted a cheerleader. 265 00:23:46,658 --> 00:23:50,059 I mean, I really wanted a cheerleader. 266 00:23:50,228 --> 00:23:54,995 I mean, I really wanted a cheerleader. 267 00:23:55,467 --> 00:23:58,732 Cousin, calm down, you're going to hurt yourself. 268 00:24:01,973 --> 00:24:03,463 Well, what do you wanna do now? 269 00:24:04,142 --> 00:24:08,306 Well, we could watch TV. - Who's gonna turn it on? 270 00:24:08,480 --> 00:24:14,077 We could listen to a record. - Stereo is way over there. 271 00:24:15,454 --> 00:24:16,751 We could go to sleep. 272 00:24:17,889 --> 00:24:19,356 Good night. 273 00:24:30,068 --> 00:24:31,695 Ow.