* Sometimes the world looks perfect
* Nothing to rearrange
* Sometimes you just get a feeling
* Like you need some kind of change
* No matter what the odds are this time
* Nothing's gonna stand in my way
* This flame in my heart
* Like a long lost friend
* Gives every dark street a light at the end
* Standing tall
* On the wings of my dream
* Rise and fall
* On the wings of my dream
* The rain and thunder
* The wind and haze
* I'm bound for better days
* It's my life and my dream
* Nothing's gonna stop me now * Nothing's gonna stop me now
* It's my life and my dream
* Nothing's gonna stop me now
* Nothing's gonna stop me now *
Cousin, you'll never guess what!
Oh!
Are you all right? I couldn't be better.
Mmm-hmm. I have great news.
I signed us up for three days and two fun-filled nights
at the Hidden Mountain Ski Resort.
We're going skiing!
Skiing? What are you talking about?
That nice game where you put sticks on your feet
and slide down a mountain.
Balki, I know what skiing is.
And I hate skiing.
Oh, how do you know? Have you ever tried it?
Yes.
Our family went skiing every winter
and every winter I spent a week with my face in the snow.
My brothers and sisters would use me as a ski jump.
I'm the only Appleton who can't ski.
But, cousin, you haven't heard the best part yet.
Balki, Balki-- It-it, let me--
You signed me up for something
without my permission, didn't you?
Yes, I did, but-but-- And you shouldn't have.
You shouldn't have. Cousin, cousin, cousin--
You shouldn't have signed me up
No, I shouldn't have. Fine.
I'm drained.
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
But-- No matter what you do.
But-- No matter what you say.
No way are you getting me up on that mountain.
Hey, Larry, ready to hit the slopes?
Bad news, Jennifer.
Cousin Larry and I can't go skiing
with you and Mary Anne.
We can't?
Oh, no, we needed two more
to get a group rate. Why can't you go?
Because Cousin Larry have a recess in his jeans.
Uh, no, no, no, Balki, uh, uh, what I, what I said was
I had to reassess my means.
(CHUCKLES)
Oh, and great news, I can afford it.
Oh, good, because I need your check
for the deposit. It's $45.
Forty five dollars.
Well, that's cheap when you're
used to skiing at Aspen or the Alps.
But, cousin, you told me you hate skiing!
Alone, I hate skiing alone.
Going down the face of a mountain
where no man has skied before.
I want somebody to share it with.
Well, there will be 20 of us!
Cousin Larry used to be a ski jump.
Er.
Ski jumper, yeah.
Used to be a ski jumper.
(LAUGHING)
Oh, oh... (CHUCKLES)
Terrific. Yeah.
See you Friday. Yeah.
(LAUGHS)
Me and Jennifer,
long talks by the fire.
Jacuzzi, moonlight.
I wish I had time to grow a beard.
Sipping brandy. Observation.
Yes.
A man says he hates skiing. Yes.
A woman he yearns for walks into the room
and suddenly that same man is skiing the Alps.
Now, uh, cousin, konk me on the head
with an anvil if I'm wrong,
but didn't you just tell one lallopalooza of a lie?
Not at all.
You told me you hate skiing!
Balki, there's a difference between skiing
and skiing with Jennifer.
One of them is a sport.
The other is something worth dying for.
So, technically I wasn't lying.
Well, in Mypos we have a saying.
(SPEAKING IN MYPOSIAN)
Do you want me to translate? Not really, no.
It says, "He who lies falls into a deep pit."
In America we have a saying.
"Butt out."
Candlelit dinners, romantic music.
Maybe I should bring my Julio Iglesias tapes.
How do those boots feel?
Well, ooh,
kinda make you walk like Lee Majors.
How do I look?
Like six million bucks.
Okay, now, I got us a book
that will teach us everything we need to know.
Have you seen the book? Well, I think so.
Ah, here it is. Oh, where?
Uh, careful.
(CLEARS THROAT)
Maybe I'll just put them down. Yes.
(THUDDING)
I'll put them down, you move the table
over there.
Boy, you know, these boots are killing me.
(LAUGHS)
"The Zen Book Of Skiing.
Achieving Oneness with the Snow."
"Oneness?" Oneness.
This book will teach you to think like an expert skier.
"Chapter one, putting on your skis."
Well, I can get us that far.
Here.
It's easy, just step in.
Toe in, heel down.
Toe in... In.
Heel down. Yeah.
Toe in, heel down.
Boy,
Hmm. Uh, how you get them off?
All right, now, let me, let me get the book.
Just... Yeah, yeah.
No, Balki, I, I, all right, no.
Balki, look, back up. Well, I--
Back up, back up, Balki, back up.
(CREAKING)
You all right? Think so.
All right.
(CREAKING)
Don't do that.
All right. Back up. Maybe I...
(CREAKING)
Balki, Balki, let go. You, let go.
You, let go first. No, you, let go.
we'll both let go. Ready?
BOTH: One, two, three.
All right, on the count of three we'll really let go. Ready?
BOTH: One, two, three.
All right, all right, move your, move your right foot.
Pick up, pick up your right foot, put it over there.
All right, move your left foot, put it over there.
All right, straighten out, straighten out.
(SIGHS) All right, now let's get the book.
Any idea how we can get over there?
Ah, yes.
Uh, you take your downhill ski, or is it your uphill ski?
No, you take your downhill ski
and you put it over your uphill ski
like that. Okay? Yeah.
I remember this move because my brothers and sisters
used to use it to step over me.
(CHUCKLES)
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
Cousin, do-do you really think
you can be an expert skier by tomorrow afternoon?
Well, I'm going to try.
Now, you just take your uphill ski, put it over the other one
and you're home free.
Oh! Oh!
All right, all right, Balki, you're right.
Who was I trying to kid.
I can't even ski in my own living room.
This isn't going to work.
But, cousin, I'm sorry to say this, but I'm glad.
Now, you can make a new beginning
and tell Jennifer the truth.
The truth? The truth?
Who said anything about the truth?
I just need a better plan.
(GRUNTING)
(LARRY PANTING)
How about this?
As soon as we get up there, I'll insist
we go for one run before the lifts close.
Then after about 100 yards, I'll fall in a soft spot
fake an injury and spend the rest of the weekend
getting sympathy from Jennifer.
Listen to yourself.
You want to tell one more lie
to cover up another.
By the time it get to the bottom
it's one humongous snowball of lies!
What happened to the pit?
Where do you think the snowball lands?
Now, you think everything is so simple.
You think everything is black and white.
Well, it's not.
There is a lot of gray in this world. A lot.
I'm simply
reshaping the facts into a greater truth.
Cousin, why you have to do that?
Why you have to reshape the facts?
Balki, where have you been?
I have been Larry Appleton for the past six months
and Jennifer isn't interested in him.
That's because she never sees him.
After she's blinded by love
then I will show her the real Larry Appleton.
But tomorrow, all Jennifer is going to see
is Larry Appleton downhill racer.
Oh...
(GRUNTS)
(PANTING)
That ski lift was fun.
Wasn't it? Yeah.
You don't think anybody saw me fall when I got off, do you?
Well, of course not. Don't be ridiculous.
Those people were laughing about something else.
Now...
I-I'm sorry about skiing over your hand.
Uh, oh, don't worry about it.
I'm used to it.
All right, now there's a good spot.
in that soft pile of snow and fake an injury.
The pit deepens.
All right, here come the girls. Try to look cool.
What are you guys doin' over here?
Trying to look cool.
I'm just a sucker for fresh powder.
But the run is over there, this side isn't even marked.
Oh. Looks too steep for me.
Come on, take a bite outta life.
No guts, no glory.
Ye-e-eah!
(LARRY SCREAMING)
Cousin, I think you missed your soft spot!
Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, ho, ho!
Help! Help!
(SCREAMING)
Boy, he really likes to show off, doesn't he?
No, he's screaming for help.
Help! Oh, no! Oh, no!
(LARRY SCREAMING)
No, no!
(SCREAMING)
(GRUNTS)
Hang on, Larry, we're coming!
Here we come! Wait for me. Wait.
We're on our way, Larr.
Hang on.
Wait, you wait.
Whoo, oh...
(MUMBLING INDISTINCTLY)
Whoo! Oh! Oh, baby.
I'm skiing!
Whoo!
(SCREAMING)
Cousin, are we having fun or what?
Yoo-hoo! Anybody home?
Oh, thank God.
We finally found a place
to get in out of the cold.
And then we'll make our way down the hill
and see if we can find the highway.
We've been walking for two hours, I'm exhausted.
Well, I'll say one thing for us.
I think we all achieved oneness with the snow.
And you, you achieved oneness with that tree, huh?
Do I have any more pine needles sticking out of my forehead?
No.
at 60 miles per hour.
Oh, poor thing. Sit down.
You must be really shaken up.
No, I'm fine. Uh, except for my ankle.
I think I twisted it.
Oh, no, I'm so sorry.
Well, it's getting dark.
I think we better stay here for the night.
I-I don't think I can walk on this ankle.
Hey, look, I found a blanket and a bottle of wine.
You two get out of your wet coats.
I saw some firewood outside.
Come on, Mary Anne.
Well, I'll open that.
(DOOR CREAKS OPEN)
Well, well, well.
Mr. Liar-Liar-Pants-On-Fire.
I hope you're happy. Yes, very happy.
How can you say that?
We slide down the wrong side of the mountain
wander around for two hours
bodies all aching and racked with pain,
and now, we're stuck in this cabin
with the girls for the whole night.
You don't have to thank me now.
Looks like fate has put us right where we wanted to be.
Cousin, no! Not faith.
It's your lies that put us here.
Fate, lies, what's the difference?
My plan is working.
Cousin, don't you see what's happening?
"Going wrong?" Balki, look around.
I have wine, a beautiful woman
a mountain cabin.
I guess this puts an end once and for all
to the great Myposian pit theory.
Well, maybe things look good now
but you mark my words
it ain't over 'til the fat lady eats.
It was the Giant Slalom Finals at Innsbruck.
It came down to a duel between Ingmar and myself.
We stared across at each other with a fierce respect
born out of years of intense competition.
It's getting deeper
and deeper.
Anyway, by the first turn
I was already a split second ahead
but then fate stepped in.
A few meters in front of me, frozen in fear
was a snowshoe rabbit.
Poor little rabbit. What did you do?
Well, I lost the race.
How tragic.
Not really.
I grew up a lot on the mountain that day.
You see, I could have skied right through
that furry little creature
but I learned that there are a lot of things
more important than winning.
Is the truth one of them?
Anyway, my racing days are in the past.
I like to live in the present.
There's so much I don't know about you.
Hmm, you can say that again, and that reminds me
I have a story. It's called...
(SPEAKING IN MYPOSIAN)
What does that mean?
It means the little goat herder who lied.
Well, I think the girls are a little tired of stories.
Not at all. Go ahead, Balki.
Once upon a time
there was a little goat herder
and he had curly brown hair
and, uh, little round cheeks
and, uh, no upper lip at all.
Balki.
It came to pass that the king
announced a royal yak hunt.
Well, that was a wonderful
little folktale. More wine, anyone?
It was the day of the hunt
and the little goat herder
decided to show off for the fair maiden.
So he shot an arrow into the air
and where it landed he didn't care.
But he should have, because it hit the king
right smack in the royal buttocks.
And they all lived happily ever after?
The king was exceeding angry
and he threw the little goat herder into a dungeon.
A dungeon not unlike a pit.
I think I saw that on TV.
Wasn't Richard Chamberlain the little goat herder?
Ah, those Mypos tales.
Who knows what they mean?
And who cares?
Well, this is the last log. Hmm.
Well, you know, the best way to fight off the cold
is with, uh, body heat.
That's a great last resort
but we have a fire.
Uh, I'll just get some more wood.
Oh, no, no, no, you stay here.
I'll go get it. Uh. That's a man's job.
How's that ankle?
Oh, huh. Well, comes and goes.
Changes legs too.
Are you sure you don't need any help?
Oh, no, no, I'll just go rustle up some firewood.
(CHUCKLES) Love to breath that fresh mountain air.
(WIND WHOOSHING)
(BREATHES HEAVILY)
(COUGHING)
Good Lord, it's cold out here.
I'm getting hungry.
I'm really sorry that we ruined your ski trip.
Oh, that's okay, I'm having fun.
Well, it's a good thing I brought my body.
(RUMBLING)
Wow!
Did you feel that? Well, of course, I did.
Don't be ridiculous.
I still respect you.
I think we just had an earthquake.
They don't have earthquakes in Wisconsin.
It was probably just an avalanche.
Hmm.
Cousin Larry!
I found the wood.
Get him to the couch.
(MUMBLING INDISTINCTLY)
(GROANING)
Oh, Larry, are you okay?
I was outside. I was happy.
I found the perfect log.
And suddenly I heard this... This-this...
Rumbling? Yes, this rumbling.
And I turned around and saw this big, this big...
Mountain? Yes, mountain!
The mountain started chasing me towards the-the-the...
Pit?
No, not the pit.
Where we are now, the cabin!
I never saw so much snow!
There was enough snow to cover this entire...
(PANTING)
(WHIMPERING)
Oh, cousin, we're buried alive.
Not for long.
Very soon we'll all be dead.