* Sometimes the world looks perfect
* Sometimes you just
* Get a feeling like you need some kind of change
* No matter what the odds are this time
* Nothing's gonna stand in my way
* This flame in my heart
* Like a long lost friend
* Gives every dark street a light at the end
* Standing tall
* On the wings of my dream
* Rise and fall
* On the wings of my dream
* The rain and thunder
* The wind and haze
* I'm bound for better days
* It's my life and my dream
* Nothing's gonna stop me now * Nothing's gonna stop me now
* It's my life and my dream
* Nothing's gonna stop me now
* Nothing's gonna stop me now *
We're serious, you girls pick the restaurant
and Balki and I will take you to dinner.
Money is no object. You heard that right.
When Larry and Balki go first class, they eat the whole hog.
Oh, he'll give us a raise.
Cousin Larry put it in very uncertain terms.
Mmm-hmm, after the little talk I had with him yesterday
it's in the bag.
(CHUCKLES) I was good. No. No, I was great.
I told him that when he walked through that door today
I wanted an answer and it had better be the right one.
Good morning, Mr. Twinkacetti.
(EXHALES) Yeah, yeah.
Mr. Twinkacetti?
Isn't there... Something you want to tell us?
Yeah, get to work.
Well, look-- Look at the time. We'd better go.
Bye-bye. Bye.
Cousin, we are not going to let him do that to us, are you?
No.
No, we're not. We're gonna clear this up right now.
Mr. Twinkacetti, we need to talk about our raise.
Oh, yeah, I promised I'd have an answer for you, didn't I?
You're darn tooting.
Well, I guess we're snookered.
Hey...
What?
I know you're overworked. I'm not insensitive.
That's why I hired a new guy to help you out.
Wait a minute.
how can you afford to hire a new man?
You see, the money I'm gonna pay the new guy
will be trickling out of your salary. Sorry.
All right. All right, Twinkacetti. You pushed me too far.
Well, I'm not gonna take it anymore.
There are a million jobs out there better than this.
And there are a million bosses better than you.
I quit.
I quit too!
Balki, I appreciate your loyalty, and I understand
you're willing to make a sacrifice,
Yes, I do.
We're a team.
We should be together.
Mr. Twinkacetti
Like the great Nancy Sinatra said
"These boots were made for walking."
Fine. Walk. Who needs you?
Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah? Well, who needs you?
Ha! Ha-ha!
Ha!
That felt pretty good. Well, you can say that again.
Ha! Ha-ha!
Ha.
Now what do we do? I don't know.
Ah. Ah-ah.
Ha.
In America, you can do anything you want to do.
You just have to set your sights high.
Lower, Balki.
"Fat Marsha's?"
This can't be the place.
This place doesn't have a management program.
A methadone program, maybe.
Okay, we train for that.
Cousin, come on, face it.
We're going to have to chew the bullet on this one.
It's been two weeks, the rent is due
and I haven't heard back from the Supreme Court.
Uh, excuse me.
Uh, we were supposed to meet a Ms. Manning.
That's me, Fat Marsha.
You don't look fat, Fat Marsha.
Well, thank you, sweetie.
I used to weigh 300 pounds
but when I opened this place, I lost my appetite.
Now I'm having the time of my life.
or are you answering my ad in the personals?
We're-- We're here about the jobs.
My name is Balki Bartokomous
and this is my cousin, Larry Appleton.
Hey, you're cute.
Uh... Well, I think there's been a mistake.
No, you're cute, all right.
(CHUCKLING)
And you're not so bad yourself. Where are you from?
Oh, I'm from Mypos.
But I can still work here, can't I?
Well, of course, you can, darling.
I'm an equal-opportunity employer.
Well, I'm an equal opportunity.
Well, the employment office sent us here
for management trainee positions,
but I'm sure they gave us the wrong address.
Ah, no mistake.
My other management trainees quit.
They were, uh, worn out. (CHUCKLING)
I'll get you a couple of uniforms.
Well, no, actually, we were really looking for
something with career advancement opportunities.
Well, don't worry, cutie.
(LAUGHS)
She's got a nice smile.
Then, you put the burger on the bun,
the bun on the plate.
Then you take the ticket from the wheel
and you place 'em both on the counter.
"Ring the bell."
I like your spirit, Balki. Oh.
(CHUCKLES)
And you have nice, firm handwriting.
Do you ever arm-wrestle naked? Oh!
No. That would be cheating.
Cheating?
(LAUGHING) I like that.
Here. Put these on.
No. Like this.
Need a hand, honey? No, I got it.
Oh, there's something about a man in uniform that drives me crazy.
Hmm... I'll see you boys in a couple of hours.
I'm gonna go pump some iron.
Oh, cousin, you're not going to believe this.
I already don't believe this.
It's a humongous can of tuna.
Yes, I bet they are. And look at this.
A message center.
And this.
(RINGS)
A bell system.
Balki, wake up and smell the roach spray.
Well, in Mypos, this is a five-star restaurant.
This is the best offer we've had in two weeks.
All right, all right. Let's try to make the best of it.
Okay. Uh, I want be the cook. No.
No, no, I want...
Balki, I'll be the cook, you be the waiter.
No, I want be the cook. No.
I want be the cook. No.
No, you can't. Balki, please. (SIGHS)
All right, you can be the cook. Okay.
Why am I arguing about the level of my humiliation?
(SIZZLING)
* Pour myself a cup of ambition
* And yawn and stretch and try to come to life
* Working nine to five
* What a way to make a living
* Working nine to five
* It's all takin' and no givin'... *
Balki.
(SIZZLING)
Mmm-hmm.
There you go.
...baby. Yeah, baby.
There you go.
May I help you? Yeah.
Last time I was in here, the meat loaf was gritty.
It tasted like sawdust
and the gravy was a kind of greenish-brown stuff.
What's it like today?
Pretty much the same.
Give me a double order.
(SNAPS FINGERS)
Double order of meat loaf.
Oh, and, uh, I'm missing an order of fries.
I don't see an order of fries.
If it's not on the wheel, you don't get a meal.
I just made that up.
French fries.
I love this machine. It does shrimp too.
Yes, I know, but if we did
Are these ready? Well, almost. Okey-dokey.
Now, we've got two blackhawk burgers... (RINGS)
...and one puck burger... (RINGS)
...and three slap-shot slaws.
(RINGS)
Balki, I can see the orders.
Do you have to ring the bell?
(RINGS) I have to ring the bell.
Okay.
We got two blackhawks with slaw
and one puck with slaw.
Your French fries are coming.
Your meat loaf will be out in a sec.
It's soaking.
Anybody need anything?
Good.
Balki, this job is a breeze.
I think I'll bring in a little TV tomorrow.
Balki, what are you doing?
Marsha told me to do that for the 4:00 rush.
but you don't see me packing.
You got vacation already?
No, Balki, I mean, it's 4:00 now.
You're looking at the rush.
Ah, Balki, come here.
Come on. Look outside.
(BELL RINGS)
Okay? Do you see a rush?
I see a big herd of people coming
across the street from the stadium.
Oh, my Lord. There must have been a game today.
Cousin, they're pulling the parking meters out of the ground.
There must have been a hockey game.
Oh, that was the worst game I've ever seen!
(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)
Hey, I haven't ordered yet.
All right, yes. Who had the puck burger?
Where is my chili dog? I don't know.
Here, have a puck burger.
(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)
Hurry up. What's wrong with you?
When are you gonna take my order?
Yeah, I'm a little busy right now.
MAN: Yeah, right!
Balki, what are you doing?
Pat Sajak makes it look so easy.
All right. Balki. Balki.
Don't go to pieces on me now. I need you. I need...
Be here for me.
I will. All right, come on.
All right, all we gotta do is
just put these things together here.
I'll just put them together. Everything will be fine.
We're just gonna get these fries in all the orders.
If we put the fries on all of these, we're gonna be fine.
Balki, Balki, Balki.
Are you with me, buddy?
Yes, I am. All right. All right.
Hey! I'd like to eat while I still have my teeth.
MAN: Yeah! All right, here we go. Coming.
I'm still waiting for my chili dog.
(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)
Okay, you have the blackhawk burgers and the puck pups.
I still haven't ordered yet. Well, I ordered for you.
(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)
Who do I have to kill to get a chili dog around here?
Uh, it's ready right now. I'll get it. I'm gonna get it.
Balki. Balki, I need a chili dog desperately.
Well, cousin, we're all out of chili.
Well, but, well, it, my chili happens to be very popular.
Balki, there is a man over there who will kill me
if I don't give him a chili dog right now.
Well, cousin, we're out of chili.
Hey, bozos.
BOTH: Hi.
I still don't have my chili dog.
Coming.
Is that him? Yes, yes, that's him.
Well, then I suggest we find some chili. Okay.
Okay, okay.
What is it? Well, I-- I found something.
What is it? It looks something like chili.
It's green.
I'm waiting.
Close enough.
There you go.
Uh, this was supposed to be to go.
Right, yes, of course.
Here you go. On the house.
Watch where you're walking, jerk face.
Hey, how would you like me to walk on your face, dirt ball?
Now, who you calling a dirt ball, you jerk face?
You, horse breath! CUSTOMERS: Fight!
ALL: (SHOUTING) Fight! Fight! Fight!
We have a very strict no-fighting policy.
(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)
(WHISTLE BLOWS) Okay, break it up.
Put them down. Carefully.
CUSTOMERS: Aww...
Well, these two hockey pucks started it.
Out. Now.
Are we still on for tonight? Are we still on for tonight?
I'll let you know.
I-- I-- I can explain everything.
Well, there's nothing to explain.
You okay, honeybunch? What...
Well, you okay, Balki?
Well, I-- I got a little something in my eye, but I...
Well, good, because I was afraid
you'd broken something important.
No, no. (LAUGHING)
I-- I-- I think she just invited me to Club Med.
(PANTING)
Why were those dogs chasing us?
Because we smell like cheap hamburger.
(PANTING)
I'm not sure what I smell like.
I can't believe it.
We actually managed to find jobs
that are worse than working for Twinkacetti.
Oh, cousin, it wasn't all that bad.
"Wasn't all that bad?"
Balki, we spent the day feeding tainted meat to homicidal hockey fans.
What job could be worse?
Well, what about that lady I saw on television
that has to check the waistbands on men's underwear?
What I meant was we should have taken the pay cut
and stayed with Twinkacetti.
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
Oh, Mr. and Mrs. Twinkacetti.
I know the rent is due,
Don't worry about that, boys. I just found out why you quit.
Donald has something he wants to say.
I'd, uh, like you to come back to work for me.
Well, uh, what happened to the new man?
He's history. Tell them why, Donald.
That bum was stealing me blind.
High praise indeed.
Well, Mr. Twinkacetti, we would love
to come back and work for you
and we're management trainees
and we're advancing rather rapidly.
Balki. Uh, uh...
On the other hand, every management trainee has his price.
Yes, yes, I see.
(INAUDIBLE CONVERSATION)
But we'd be willing to hear your offer.
Make 'em an offer, Donald.
Uh, let's say, same job, same pay, no hard feelings. What do you say?
(INAUDIBLE CONVERSATION)
Let's say we get the raise we should've gotten in the first place
you pay us overtime
and we never hear the word "losers" again.
(GRUNTS)
Can I go now? I still got dishes to do.
Of course, dear.
It's nice to have you back, boys.
Oh, thank you. Thank you, Mrs. Twinkacetti.
Do yourselves a favor.
Burn these clothes.
Bye-bye. Bye.
How do you like that, Balki?
We got our jobs back. Yeah.
(BOTH SIGH)
Why don't we feel happy?
Maybe it's because we're going back to same the crummy jobs we hated two weeks ago.
That's a good point, a very good point.
Well, this is one way to look at it.
We're not going to have those jobs forever.
You came to Chicago to be a photographer and you will be.
And you didn't travel thousands of miles
to be a clerk in a discount store.
Yeah.
And then we can tell Twinkacetti what to do with our jobs
and we can mean it.
Yeah!
Cousin, I'm getting happy.
Do you know what I feel coming on?
A dance of joy? Yes!
BOTH: * Dai dai dai dai dai da-da-da-dai
* Hey, hey, hey Hey, hey, hey, hey *