* Sometimes the world looks perfect
* Nothing to rearrange
* Sometimes you just get a feeling
* Like you need some kind of change
* Nothing's gonna stand in my way
* This flame in my heart like a long lost friend
* Gives every dark street a light at the end
* Standing tall
* On the wings of my dreams
* Rise and fall
* On the wings of my dreams
* The rain and thunder
* The wind and haze
* I'm bound for better days
* And nothing's gonna stop me now *
My first happy hour.
You know what I don't understand?
I don't understand how a restaurant
can make money by giving away food.
Oh, the food is just an inducement.
And it looks so real.
The food is real.
will spend a lot of money on drinks.
Oh. Oh!
So, people like you, who only drink ice water make out like bandits.
Shh. Shh. Shh.
Oh. Yes, yes.
Mary Anne, are you coming?
Well, I guess I could come back later.
Hey, baby.
My name is Chuck. You wanna go home with a love machine?
I hate to pull the plug on you, Chuck
but the lady is already going home with someone.
Wait a minute. A happy hour game.
Love machine, pull the plug.
I get it, I see it, and I love it.
I'd love stay and chat, but we're going to sitting down now.
Stay and chat? Sit down now?
It's a little weak.
I think you can do better, cousin.
Your turn, Chuck.
Why would you wanna go home with him anyway?
Oh, yeah, I forgot.
It's shrimp night.
He's got you two to one, cousin.
Say, Chuck, do you have a blueprint for your brain?
I'm building an idiot. Oh, yeah?
Cousin, you didn't tell me you were building an idiot.
It was going to be a surprise.
I don't like your jokes, little man.
Humor is very subjective.
What are you doing? What are you doing?
Put, put Cousin Larry down.
Now, you know that isn't what I meant.
BALKI: Ooh! Oh!
I was humiliated in front of Jennifer.
Well...
Maybe, you were not the only one who was humiliated.
Perhaps you have forgotten,
I don't understand how one mean person
can ruin everyone's happy hours.
I do.
All my life, bullies have pushed me around
I'm like a bully magnet.
You think when you grow up things would change,
but they don't.
It's always the same.
The big guy takes advantage of the...
Little, tiny... ...more average-sized guys.
And you know what really makes my blood boil?
Mexican food.
You know, what really makes me angry
can do about guys like Chuck.
Now, you know, I'm not so sure I agree with you.
What about David and Goliath?
What about the Captain and Tennille?
What are you talking about?
Cousin, I've been thinking about this
all on the way home and I've got an idea.
Now.
A crazy man standing on one foot.
No. I'm the Karate Kid.
And I'm Ferris Bueller.
What are you talking about?
Cousin, we learn karate.
Oh, Balki, it takes years to learn karate.
Well, cousin, I've got a bulletin for you.
I saw that movie.
I went back for popcorn and when I got back
that kid was kicking everything he could get his feet on.
I don't know. Larry Appleton, fists of fury.
It just doesn't sound right.
This is America.
Don't forget. Where the little, tiny...
More average-sized guys
can, can do whatever they set their minds to.
Think of it, cousin.
Not afraid of the Chucks of this world.
Never again we be humiliated.
Naaaa.
That's impossible.
What did you say?
I said, "That's impossible."
* To dream
* The impossible dream
I don't know, Balki.
* To fight
* The unbeatable foe
Chuck's an awfully big guy.
* To bear
* With unbearable sorrow
But we've got to do something.
* To run
* Where the brave dare not go
You're right, Balki.
* This is my quest
Bring it on home, cousin.
* Follow my star
We'll never be afraid again.
* No matter how hopeless
We'll take karate.
* No matter how far
* To dream
* The impossible
* Dream *
Welcome to my dojo.
I am Sensei Pete Nakima, your instructor.
I'm Larry Appleton, and this is...
This is my cousin, Balki Bartokomous.
Why did you come to my karate class?
Wait, are you familiar with the concept of happy hour?
I'm with the Chicago Chronicle
and I'm doing a piece on self-defense
and the urban male ego for our Sunday magazine section.
I want to explore how civilized man
deals with his own primitive instincts.
You got beat up, huh?
Yes.
I can help you with that.
Koi, come.
Time to start class.
Please sit around the edge of the mats.
Konnichiwa. Good afternoon, everyone.
I'd like to introduce you to our new students.
Oh, God.
Hui.
Goldstein will help me demonstrate
what you will be learning today.
I need a volunteer.
What about one of the new students?
Up!
Koi.
Bartokomous-san, I want you to attack
Goldstein-san from the back.
Why?
I'm not even mad at him.
Attack him.
Ha-ha-ha! Bartokomous-san!
Now, attack him from the front.
I don't think so.
Is he gonna do that again?
No. He'll do something
different.
Balki, Balki, are you all right?
Well, I, I think so.
Balki, this karate stuff is great!
It is?
Before you know it we're gonna be
two of the toughest guys in Chicago.
Good. 'Cause here comes Goldstein.
Balki?
Kyai.
Balki?
Ha. Aah.
Ho! Hah!
Ah, ow! Ha!
Whoa!
Ooh.
I'll get that.
Hello?
Oh, that's...
Hmm? Oh, the noise.
Well, we were just moving the furniture.
No, no. Thank you.
Pretty good workout, huh?
You know, Balki, these sneak attacks
have really sharpened my reflexes.
My senses have been honed to a razor's edge.
Yeah, you could cut your toenails on my senses, too.
Cousin, now that we are
lean cuisine, fighting machines.
I hope we don't have to use karate on anyone
because as the sensei said,
"The most powerful weapon is the voice of love."
Right. Tell me about it.
It's not like I'm looking for trouble.
Hey, you!
Get away from my car!
Now, get out of here!
Cousin, I
think that lady was just waiting for the bus.
You know, Balki, I was surprised
to hear you wanted to came back here
I didn't want to come back here.
Oh, I'm not wild about this place.
The lighting makes my skin look sallow.
Balki, Larry told us you wanted to come here.
I can see clearly now the lane is gone.
Nobody wants to be here.
How come we're here?
I wanted to come here, okay?
So relax.
Cousin, your motives are less than pure.
You came here to pick a fight with Chuck.
Now, we're leaving.
Now, we've been avoiding this place for weeks.
I came here as a matter of principle.
We should have the freedom to eat
where we want without having to
worry about bar slime like Chuck.
Larry, you better lower your voice
because the bar slime just slid in.
Oh, well you look at that. I'm out of water.
I better go to the bar and get a refill.
Cousin, cousin, cousin.
Have you forgotten what our sensei told us?
"A victory born of revenge
will satisfy only the shallowest of souls."
I've got no problem with that.
It's not like I'm looking for trouble.
Cousin, cousin.
If you're not looking for trouble, then sit down at the table.
Balki, I'm out of water and I'm darn thirsty.
Come on, do you... Look, I promise
I'll go out of my way to avoid a fight.
Is that what you wanna hear?
Yes, it is.
Fine.
I'll be right back.
Watch it, buddy.
Sorry.
I just bet you are.
You don't remember me, do you?
Should I?
A few weeks ago, you hit on the woman I was in here with.
When I said something about it, you dragged me down this bar
then you beat up my cousin.
Now do you remember me?
You beat me up.
That may not have meant anything to you,
Look, I don't apologize to nobody.
Jerk, I think you and I had better step outside.
Why don't you get outta here before you get hurt?
What's the matter? You chicken, Chuck?
Hey, everybody. Chuck here is chicken.
Nobody calls me chicken.
Oh, is that right, my fine feathered friend?
Now, Chuck, Chuck.
You know, where I come from that's a compliment.
The chicken is a symbol of bravery and honor.
And as a matter of fact the chicken happens to be
the Myposian national bird.
And that's the kind of thing that I felt would be of interest
to a man of your integrity and obvious physical strength.
I must warn you, I know karate.
I must warn you, I don't care.
Wait. Wait.
Everything is under control. Go back to your libations.
Show's over.
Please, do you mind? I'm having a moment.
What are you doing?
Stop it, guys. Don't do it.
Balki. Leave Cousin Larry alone.
Larry, are you sure you're all right?
I'm fine, fine.
In karate, we learn how to take a fall.
And you do it very well.
Well, I'm just glad everyone's all right.
Come on, Mary Anne.
Bye, Balki. Bye-bye.
Cousin, don't feel bad.
You almost had him.
Balki, it's not just that I got beaten up.
Again.
And it's not that I was humiliated.
Again.
Are you helping?
Is this some kind of help?
Don't you see what's happened?
I've gone from peaceful little Larry Appleton
to a guy who picks fights in bars.
At least when I was getting beaten up I was a nice person.
I was a nice person, wasn't I?
Oh, I'm just kidding. Of course, you are a nice person.
You still a nice person. That's why you are upset.
Now, sit down, listen.
You learned a very important lesson tonight.
Oh, you're darn right I did.
No, no, no.
No? What did I just say?
No. That's right.
Now, cousin there's nothing wrong with taking karate.
It's fun. It's good exercise.
We get to wear snazzy outfits and go barefoot.
But, you're doing what you always do.
You take a good thing and you pound it into the ground.
and learn self-defense and be a nice person?
I do enjoy the classes.
And our sensei said you were a karate natural.
He said I was a natural?
He probably said that because I move so well.
You know, I think he said it
because your legs are so short.
Just kind of... Come on. Get up.
Come on, try again. Oh, no, cousin.
Try and hit me. Cousin, cousin.
Come on, give it your best shot.
Cousin, we've had enough hitting for one...
Come on, come on, I won't hurt you.
Uh!
Cousin, are you, are you all right?
Fine.
I'm fine.
Balki.
I'm going to pass out now.