1
00:00:10,411 --> 00:00:13,281
Sometimes
the world looks perfect

2
00:00:14,048 --> 00:00:16,217
* Nothing to rearrange

3
00:00:16,284 --> 00:00:19,487
* Sometimes you just
get a feeling

4
00:00:19,553 --> 00:00:23,757
* Like you need
some kinda change

5
00:00:23,824 --> 00:00:27,428
* No matter what the odds
are this time

6
00:00:27,495 --> 00:00:29,730
* Nothing's gonna
stand in my way

7
00:00:29,797 --> 00:00:32,966
* This flame in my heart
like a long lost friend

8
00:00:33,033 --> 00:00:37,438
* Gives every dark street
a light at the end

9
00:00:38,272 --> 00:00:41,309
* Standing tall

10
00:00:41,375 --> 00:00:45,079
* On the wings of my dream

11
00:00:45,146 --> 00:00:48,048
* Rise and fall

12
00:00:48,116 --> 00:00:51,819
* On the wings of my dream

13
00:00:51,885 --> 00:00:53,287
* The rain and thunder

14
00:00:53,354 --> 00:00:55,089
* The wind and haze

15
00:00:55,156 --> 00:00:57,791
* I'm bound for better days

16
00:01:01,862 --> 00:01:05,233
* Nothing's gonna
stop me now *

17
00:01:19,780 --> 00:01:21,915
Okay, that's it.

18
00:01:21,982 --> 00:01:24,185
You're official
cable subscribers.

19
00:01:29,290 --> 00:01:31,125
Balki, give the man
back his belt.

20
00:01:31,192 --> 00:01:32,660
Okay.
Okay.

21
00:01:32,726 --> 00:01:35,563
Thanks a lot.

22
00:01:35,629 --> 00:01:37,465
Ah, thank you.
You're welcome.

23
00:01:37,531 --> 00:01:39,333
Bye-bye.
Bye-bye, now.

24
00:01:43,737 --> 00:01:46,607
Cousin, does this mean
we're cable ready?

25
00:01:48,842 --> 00:01:49,910
Yes.

26
00:01:49,977 --> 00:01:51,945
Balki, that little wire

27
00:01:52,012 --> 00:01:54,348
is going to change our lives.

28
00:01:54,415 --> 00:01:56,450
Here. Look at this.

29
00:02:00,521 --> 00:02:02,690
We never have to go
stand in line
to see a movie.

30
00:02:08,662 --> 00:02:12,400
No need to join a gym.

31
00:02:12,466 --> 00:02:15,303
We've got
the all-shopping channel.

32
00:02:15,369 --> 00:02:17,571
We never have to go
to the mall again.

33
00:02:19,707 --> 00:02:22,476
Well, we can go to the mall
once in a while.

34
00:02:22,543 --> 00:02:24,778
Okay.
Oh, here. Sit down.

35
00:02:24,845 --> 00:02:26,079
Sit down.

36
00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:29,517
Balki, you are gonna
love this.

37
00:02:31,485 --> 00:02:33,721
There's
the all-sports channel.

38
00:02:33,787 --> 00:02:36,690
There's the all-news channel.

39
00:02:38,125 --> 00:02:40,561
That must be
the all-music video channel.

40
00:02:40,628 --> 00:02:43,331
Is that Michael Jackson
or his sister?

41
00:02:47,201 --> 00:02:48,569
That's Diana Ross.

42
00:02:57,678 --> 00:03:00,381
Cousin, cousin,
can I pick a channel?

43
00:03:00,448 --> 00:03:01,615
Sure.
Really?

44
00:03:01,682 --> 00:03:03,651
Yes, go ahead.
Oh.

45
00:03:03,717 --> 00:03:04,885
What should I pick?

46
00:03:04,952 --> 00:03:06,320
Pick anything you want.

47
00:03:06,387 --> 00:03:07,788
You've got the control.

48
00:03:07,855 --> 00:03:10,558
Anything?
Anything you want.

49
00:03:13,294 --> 00:03:16,564
MAN ON TV:
And we are all tied up.

50
00:03:16,630 --> 00:03:20,901
There are only
three seconds to go.

51
00:03:20,968 --> 00:03:23,203
Here's the snap.
Hand-off goes
to Payton.

52
00:03:23,271 --> 00:03:26,507
He's trapped.

53
00:03:26,574 --> 00:03:28,242
Yes!
He's reversing
his field.

54
00:03:28,309 --> 00:03:30,110
Yes! Yes!
He's starts for one.
He's--

55
00:03:30,177 --> 00:03:31,512
What!

56
00:03:31,579 --> 00:03:35,349
Why? Why did you
change the channel?

57
00:03:35,416 --> 00:03:37,718
Well, you said that I could
pick anything that I want,

58
00:03:37,785 --> 00:03:39,987
and I'm not in the mood
for football.

59
00:03:43,391 --> 00:03:46,026
* A horse is a horse
Of course, of course *

60
00:03:46,093 --> 00:03:52,099
Mister Ed!

61
00:03:52,165 --> 00:03:54,067
* Go right to the source
and ask the horse

62
00:03:54,134 --> 00:03:56,304
* He'll give you the answer
that you'll endorse

63
00:03:56,370 --> 00:03:58,539
* He's always
on the steady course

64
00:03:58,606 --> 00:04:00,774
* Talk to Mr. Ed *

65
00:04:07,648 --> 00:04:10,384
* Who was bringing up
three very lovely girls...

66
00:04:10,451 --> 00:04:11,752
BOTH: * Ta-da-da-da da *

67
00:04:32,239 --> 00:04:34,442
All right, that's it.

68
00:04:34,508 --> 00:04:36,276
The war is over.

69
00:04:37,411 --> 00:04:39,613
Balki, it's time
to go to bed.

70
00:04:40,147 --> 00:04:41,549
Balki?

71
00:04:42,115 --> 00:04:43,451
Balki?

72
00:04:44,151 --> 00:04:45,519
Balki?

73
00:04:47,888 --> 00:04:51,659
What's shaking?
Balki, it is very,
very late.

74
00:04:51,725 --> 00:04:53,994
Balki, Balki, listen to me.

75
00:04:54,061 --> 00:04:55,729
Balki

76
00:04:55,796 --> 00:04:56,897
Balki.

77
00:05:01,702 --> 00:05:04,004
I learned that
on the all-wrestling channel.

78
00:05:05,439 --> 00:05:07,508
Balki, go to bed.

79
00:05:07,575 --> 00:05:08,809
Cousin, I will, I will,

80
00:05:08,876 --> 00:05:10,578
as soon as
what I'm watching is over.

81
00:05:10,644 --> 00:05:13,614
Ugh, how can you be
watching anything?

82
00:05:13,681 --> 00:05:15,416
You keep changing
the channel.

83
00:05:15,483 --> 00:05:16,884
But, cousin, it's easy.

84
00:05:16,950 --> 00:05:21,655
On this channel,

85
00:05:21,722 --> 00:05:23,591
And on this channel,

86
00:05:23,657 --> 00:05:26,326
Arnold Schwarzenegger
is blowing up soldiers.

87
00:05:26,394 --> 00:05:28,362
Oh, there goes one now.

88
00:05:31,432 --> 00:05:32,900
And on this channel,

89
00:05:32,966 --> 00:05:35,235
Arnold Schwarzenegger
is blowing up

90
00:05:35,302 --> 00:05:36,970
drug-dealing soldiers.

91
00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:42,910
I just love cable.
There's so much variety.

92
00:05:44,712 --> 00:05:45,846
Balki,

93
00:05:45,913 --> 00:05:47,681
go to bed.

94
00:05:47,748 --> 00:05:51,184
It is almost time to get up.

95
00:05:51,251 --> 00:05:54,354
But, cousin,
how will I know what happens
to Arnold Schwarzenegger?

96
00:05:54,422 --> 00:05:59,427
He blows everybody up

97
00:05:59,493 --> 00:06:01,094
Now get some sleep.

98
00:06:01,161 --> 00:06:02,630
Okay, okay, cousin, okay.

99
00:06:02,696 --> 00:06:04,131
Good night, good night.

100
00:06:06,667 --> 00:06:07,935
Ah.

101
00:06:14,875 --> 00:06:17,010
Maria, I'm home.

102
00:06:34,828 --> 00:06:37,665
Hello.
 Mailroom.

103
00:06:37,731 --> 00:06:41,201
Uh, no, Balki's not here
right now, Mr. Myers.

104
00:06:41,268 --> 00:06:43,904
Yeah, I'll have him
get it up to you
as soon as he gets back.

105
00:06:43,971 --> 00:06:45,405
Yes, bye.

106
00:06:50,177 --> 00:06:51,879
Larry, where is Balki?

107
00:06:51,945 --> 00:06:53,614
He was supposed to drop off
the letters

108
00:06:53,681 --> 00:06:59,119
for my advice column
over an hour ago.

109
00:06:59,186 --> 00:07:01,655
Thank goodness,
my deadline's in 20 minutes.

110
00:07:01,722 --> 00:07:05,092
Lydia, I know
you're busy, but, uh,

111
00:07:05,158 --> 00:07:06,560
I need some advice.

112
00:07:06,627 --> 00:07:09,029
Oh, well...

113
00:07:09,096 --> 00:07:12,299
I am never too busy
to help a friend.

114
00:07:12,365 --> 00:07:15,503
What's the problem, Larry,
can't get a date?

115
00:07:18,205 --> 00:07:20,307
No, no, it's Balki.

116
00:07:20,373 --> 00:07:23,544
Well, Balki shouldn't have
a problem getting a date.

117
00:07:25,713 --> 00:07:29,149
No, no, this has nothing
to do with dating.

118
00:07:29,216 --> 00:07:30,383
See, for the past two weeks

119
00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:33,420
Balki has been glued
to the TV.

120
00:07:33,487 --> 00:07:39,993
He won't go to bed at night.

121
00:07:40,060 --> 00:07:41,929
What do you think
I should I do?

122
00:07:45,666 --> 00:07:47,400
Lydia, what do you think?

123
00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:48,736
Don't push me!

124
00:07:49,937 --> 00:07:53,073
I am not good at these
spur-of-the-moment answers.

125
00:07:53,140 --> 00:07:55,242
I am a small, neurotic woman

126
00:07:55,308 --> 00:07:57,678
with problems
of my own, Larry.

127
00:07:58,912 --> 00:08:01,381
I can't take
this kind of pressure.

128
00:08:01,448 --> 00:08:03,617
Why is everyone
bothering me?

129
00:08:03,684 --> 00:08:06,620
Why do all the people think
I have the answers?

130
00:08:08,388 --> 00:08:09,690
Thank you.

131
00:08:12,993 --> 00:08:15,062
Where is that idiot Mypiot?

132
00:08:15,128 --> 00:08:16,630
He's not still
at lunch, is he?

133
00:08:16,697 --> 00:08:18,265
No! No, he's here,
Mr. Gorpley.

134
00:08:18,331 --> 00:08:19,800
I don't even know
if he went to lunch.

135
00:08:19,867 --> 00:08:21,001
You know Balki,
he usually works

136
00:08:21,068 --> 00:08:22,570
straight through
work, work, work.

137
00:08:24,972 --> 00:08:26,607
Yes, something's wrong.

138
00:08:26,674 --> 00:08:27,875
The managing editor sent out

139
00:08:27,941 --> 00:08:29,710
an emergency
delivery yesterday

140
00:08:29,777 --> 00:08:32,646
that never got there.

141
00:08:32,713 --> 00:08:33,914
has fouled-up this week.

142
00:08:33,981 --> 00:08:35,549
If I get one more complaint

143
00:08:35,616 --> 00:08:38,385
we'll have to do something
about that, won't we?

144
00:08:38,451 --> 00:08:41,054
Oh, I have an idea!

145
00:08:41,121 --> 00:08:42,556
I'll fire him.

146
00:08:43,624 --> 00:08:45,626
I'll make sure
he gets the message.

147
00:08:45,693 --> 00:08:47,995
And you have
just a lovely, lovely--

148
00:08:48,061 --> 00:08:49,162
Jerk.

149
00:09:05,078 --> 00:09:07,180
Balki, did you go home
for lunch?

150
00:09:08,649 --> 00:09:09,883
Did you turn on the TV?

151
00:09:09,950 --> 00:09:11,752
I don't want
to talk about it.

152
00:09:12,886 --> 00:09:15,656
Did you turn on
the TV?

153
00:09:15,723 --> 00:09:19,092
Oh, cousin, you can read me
like a brown paper bag.

154
00:09:20,961 --> 00:09:23,363
Leave It to Beaver was on.

155
00:09:23,430 --> 00:09:25,298
It was a wonderful episode.

156
00:09:25,365 --> 00:09:26,834
At the end, Ward said,

157
00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:29,536
"Beav, no matter
what you do,

158
00:09:29,603 --> 00:09:31,972
"your mother and I
will always love you."

159
00:09:33,373 --> 00:09:35,609
Well, I gotta tell you,
I broke down and cried

160
00:09:35,676 --> 00:09:37,344
till my eyes fell out.

161
00:09:39,913 --> 00:09:43,216
Balki, you are
40 minutes late.

162
00:09:43,283 --> 00:09:45,919
And Ward said that
at the end
of every episode.

163
00:09:48,555 --> 00:09:50,590
Gorpley is going
to fire you.

164
00:09:50,658 --> 00:09:53,360
All right, cousin, I...
I, I, I'm sorry.

165
00:09:53,426 --> 00:09:55,595
I know I did wrong.

166
00:09:55,663 --> 00:09:57,530
It won't happen again,
I promise.

167
00:09:57,597 --> 00:10:01,201
Oh, good.
I'm glad to hear it.

168
00:10:01,268 --> 00:10:04,705
Aren't you going
to forgive me
like Ward forgave the Beav?

169
00:10:06,139 --> 00:10:08,709
Yes, I forgive you.
Hmm.

170
00:10:11,144 --> 00:10:12,846
This stuff has got
to go up to Myers

171
00:10:12,913 --> 00:10:14,581
in classified right away.

172
00:10:14,648 --> 00:10:16,850
Okay, I'll get it fast.

173
00:10:16,917 --> 00:10:19,987
I'm faster
than a speeding bullet!

174
00:10:21,588 --> 00:10:23,957
More powerful
than a locomotive!

175
00:10:25,826 --> 00:10:27,695
Able to leap small children

176
00:10:27,761 --> 00:10:29,663
in a single bound!

177
00:10:31,832 --> 00:10:33,767
You got
a problem there, sugar.

178
00:10:37,437 --> 00:10:38,571
A couch potato?

179
00:10:38,638 --> 00:10:39,840
You know,
one of those people

180
00:10:39,907 --> 00:10:41,141
that spend so much time
watching TV

181
00:10:41,208 --> 00:10:43,744
they end up with a butt
the size of Detroit.

182
00:10:46,747 --> 00:10:48,481
Well, I think
it's just the novelty

183
00:10:48,548 --> 00:10:50,718
of having 24-hour cable.

184
00:10:50,784 --> 00:10:52,853
Oh, yeah?
Does he stay up all night?

185
00:10:52,920 --> 00:10:55,088
No, no, not all night.

186
00:10:55,155 --> 00:10:57,557
He's usually in bed
by 5:00, 6:00 in the morning

187
00:10:57,624 --> 00:10:59,026
right after Gumby.

188
00:11:00,093 --> 00:11:02,495
Mmm-hmm. Well, does he ever
hum the theme

189
00:11:02,562 --> 00:11:03,964
from I Dream of Jeannie?

190
00:11:08,268 --> 00:11:10,670
(SCATTING I DREAM OF JEANNIE
THEME MUSIC)

191
00:11:24,818 --> 00:11:26,419
That's it.

192
00:11:26,486 --> 00:11:28,155
You got yourself
a couch potato.

193
00:11:58,151 --> 00:12:00,453
We've been robbed!

194
00:12:00,520 --> 00:12:01,889
Balki.

195
00:12:01,955 --> 00:12:04,557
Balki, we haven't been robbed.

196
00:12:04,624 --> 00:12:05,959
I took the television.

197
00:12:06,026 --> 00:12:10,397
Oh,
you took the television.

198
00:12:10,463 --> 00:12:11,932
You took the television?

199
00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:16,069
and what I've done
is for your own good.

200
00:12:16,136 --> 00:12:17,871
You've been watching
too much television lately

201
00:12:17,938 --> 00:12:20,173
and you've just got to stop.

202
00:12:21,541 --> 00:12:22,910
Let me get this straight.

203
00:12:24,644 --> 00:12:26,613
You're telling me that

204
00:12:26,679 --> 00:12:28,215
I can't watch television.

205
00:12:28,281 --> 00:12:31,218
Yes.
Yes, I see, and...

206
00:12:33,020 --> 00:12:34,521
I'm telling you

207
00:12:35,488 --> 00:12:38,525
give me the TV.

208
00:12:41,761 --> 00:12:43,797
It's not here.

209
00:12:43,864 --> 00:12:45,465
It's in a locker
at the bus station.

210
00:12:45,532 --> 00:12:47,567
Oh, I see.

211
00:12:47,634 --> 00:12:50,871
It's in a locker
at the bus station.

212
00:12:52,772 --> 00:12:56,009
Give me the key.

213
00:12:57,544 --> 00:12:58,912
I haven't got it.

214
00:12:58,979 --> 00:13:01,081
I gave it to Jennifer
and Mary Anne.

215
00:13:03,851 --> 00:13:05,819
They're on a flight
to Zurich.

216
00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:14,361
What is this?
Some kind of sick joke?

217
00:13:15,896 --> 00:13:17,898
Balki, ever since
we got cable

218
00:13:17,965 --> 00:13:19,933
you spend all night
watching TV

219
00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:24,704
and eating junk food.

220
00:13:24,771 --> 00:13:25,939
Now, what kind
of life is that?

221
00:13:26,006 --> 00:13:27,240
It's a wonderful life.

222
00:13:27,307 --> 00:13:29,276
Now, cousin...

223
00:13:29,342 --> 00:13:31,178
Cousin, if that's
all that's bothering you,

224
00:13:31,244 --> 00:13:33,413
just sit down,
listen to this.

225
00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:36,616
I can stop watching TV
anytime I want to.

226
00:13:36,683 --> 00:13:37,885
You can stop anytime?

227
00:13:37,951 --> 00:13:40,487
You have to ask?
Yes.

228
00:13:40,553 --> 00:13:41,989
What was the question?

229
00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:47,627
Of course, I can.
Then do it.

230
00:13:47,694 --> 00:13:50,597
Do what?
Stop.

231
00:13:50,663 --> 00:13:51,698
When?
Tonight.

232
00:13:51,764 --> 00:13:52,799
Tonight?
Tonight.

233
00:13:52,866 --> 00:13:55,468
Who?
You! Tonight!

234
00:13:55,535 --> 00:13:59,172
Stop watching TV, tonight!

235
00:14:04,711 --> 00:14:06,246
Well, all right.

236
00:14:10,183 --> 00:14:11,751
We don't have a television.

237
00:14:11,818 --> 00:14:14,021
I'll have to do without,
won't I?

238
00:14:14,087 --> 00:14:15,488
Goodness gracious.

239
00:14:15,555 --> 00:14:17,157
Great balls of fire.

240
00:14:21,694 --> 00:14:23,230
So that's it?

241
00:14:26,699 --> 00:14:28,268
What did I just say?

242
00:14:30,503 --> 00:14:31,871
Good.

243
00:14:34,441 --> 00:14:36,509
but I have to go.

244
00:14:36,576 --> 00:14:40,047
Mr. Flynn wants me
to cover the hearing
at the Water Commission.

245
00:14:41,714 --> 00:14:43,583
You'll be all right?
Well, I'll be fine.

246
00:14:43,650 --> 00:14:46,053
I'll just sit here
and read this book.

247
00:14:49,522 --> 00:14:50,924
Okay.

248
00:14:53,760 --> 00:14:54,827
See you later?
See you later.

249
00:14:54,894 --> 00:14:57,064
I'll just be sitting here,

250
00:15:35,068 --> 00:15:36,369
Balki.

251
00:15:38,505 --> 00:15:39,606
Balki.

252
00:15:40,473 --> 00:15:41,641
Balki!

253
00:15:45,178 --> 00:15:47,880
Where did you get that?

254
00:15:47,947 --> 00:15:49,682
Crazy Al's Video.

255
00:15:51,418 --> 00:15:54,187
All right, well, this has
gotten completely
out of hand.

256
00:15:54,254 --> 00:15:56,023
We have to take this back.

257
00:15:57,790 --> 00:15:59,726
I don't think so.

258
00:16:20,280 --> 00:16:22,182
Give me the remote.

259
00:16:22,249 --> 00:16:24,217
Get your own remote.

260
00:16:25,985 --> 00:16:27,387
Oh, look, there's Gumby.

261
00:16:27,454 --> 00:16:28,488
Oh!

262
00:16:29,956 --> 00:16:31,124
You tricked Balki.

263
00:16:31,191 --> 00:16:33,860
You're damn right
I tricked Balki.

264
00:16:33,926 --> 00:16:36,163
Give me my remote!

265
00:16:37,030 --> 00:16:38,231
Balki!

266
00:16:41,901 --> 00:16:44,237
I don't want to see you
become a couch potato.

267
00:16:44,304 --> 00:16:46,273
A couch potato?

268
00:16:46,339 --> 00:16:47,407
Hah!

269
00:16:49,176 --> 00:16:51,611
No way, Rosay.

270
00:16:54,747 --> 00:16:56,249
And do you know why?

271
00:16:56,316 --> 00:17:00,220
Because I have no idea
what that is.

272
00:17:02,089 --> 00:17:04,591
Now give me my remote!

273
00:17:05,958 --> 00:17:07,427
Balki!

274
00:17:07,494 --> 00:17:08,795
A couch potato is someone

275
00:17:08,861 --> 00:17:10,330
who is addicted to television.

276
00:17:10,397 --> 00:17:13,032
They sit on the couch
watching it day and night.

277
00:17:13,100 --> 00:17:14,801
They lose interest
in everything else.

278
00:17:14,867 --> 00:17:18,171
Their life is reduced
to staring blindly

279
00:17:18,238 --> 00:17:20,540
at some flickering images
on a little screen.

280
00:17:20,607 --> 00:17:22,242
Is that what
you want to become?

281
00:17:23,910 --> 00:17:25,112
Balki?

282
00:17:26,045 --> 00:17:27,247
Balki?

283
00:17:28,181 --> 00:17:30,150
What are you doing?

284
00:17:30,217 --> 00:17:32,185
Is that a TV in the window
across the way?

285
00:17:35,722 --> 00:17:37,224
That's a fish tank.

286
00:17:38,558 --> 00:17:41,528
Oh, I thought
I was watching Sea Hunt.

287
00:17:43,496 --> 00:17:52,105
Oh, God!

288
00:17:52,172 --> 00:17:53,840
Now listen, cousin.

289
00:17:53,906 --> 00:17:55,875
For the last time,

290
00:17:55,942 --> 00:17:59,779
hand over the remote.

291
00:18:00,580 --> 00:18:01,614
No.

292
00:18:05,285 --> 00:18:07,019
-Balki!
-Cousin.

293
00:18:07,086 --> 00:18:10,257
I want my MTV!

294
00:18:12,592 --> 00:18:15,428
Balki, TV is ruining
your life.

295
00:18:15,495 --> 00:18:16,829
Ever since we got cable

296
00:18:16,896 --> 00:18:18,698
we don't go
to ball games anymore,

297
00:18:18,765 --> 00:18:20,833
we don't go out
with Jenifer and Mary Anne,

298
00:18:20,900 --> 00:18:22,869
we don't do anything.

299
00:18:24,371 --> 00:18:27,274
You want to know
what you can do.

300
00:18:29,309 --> 00:18:33,280
You can give me back
my remote!

301
00:18:35,715 --> 00:18:37,750
All right, Balki,
take one more step

302
00:18:37,817 --> 00:18:40,153
and the remote is dead meat.

303
00:18:43,390 --> 00:18:45,158
You're bluffing.

304
00:18:46,259 --> 00:18:47,794
Try me.

305
00:18:49,429 --> 00:18:52,665
You don't have the guts.

306
00:19:03,276 --> 00:19:04,877
I don't believe
you did that.

307
00:19:06,413 --> 00:19:08,147
Well, believe it.
It's gone.

308
00:19:10,517 --> 00:19:13,520
I don't need
a stinking remote.

309
00:19:13,586 --> 00:19:16,323
I can still
turn on that television.

310
00:19:16,389 --> 00:19:19,859
Why?
Because I've got this!

311
00:19:36,843 --> 00:19:39,912
No, no, no. No, no.

312
00:19:39,979 --> 00:19:41,714
All right, I wasn't going
to mention this,

313
00:19:41,781 --> 00:19:43,650
because I thought
it would be too painful.

314
00:19:43,716 --> 00:19:45,885
But you give me
no choice.

315
00:19:45,952 --> 00:19:48,855
When was
the last time you wrote
a letter to your mama?

316
00:19:55,127 --> 00:19:56,463
Mama?

317
00:19:57,597 --> 00:20:00,600
Well, it... It was just
the other day.

318
00:20:00,667 --> 00:20:02,034
Wrong!

319
00:20:02,101 --> 00:20:04,604
It was over two weeks ago.

320
00:20:04,671 --> 00:20:06,005
Well, that can't be.

321
00:20:06,072 --> 00:20:11,411
It was...
It was right after

322
00:20:11,478 --> 00:20:13,546
Time flies
when you're a potato.

323
00:20:15,515 --> 00:20:17,817
There's the cable guide.

324
00:20:17,884 --> 00:20:19,286
Why don't you look
and see when it was on.

325
00:20:19,352 --> 00:20:20,387
Go ahead.
No.

326
00:20:20,453 --> 00:20:22,188
Yes. Yes.
No. No.

327
00:20:22,255 --> 00:20:24,524
Look! Look!
No.

328
00:20:31,331 --> 00:20:33,266
What's today, Wednesday?
Wednesday.

329
00:20:38,638 --> 00:20:40,340
It was two weeks ago.

330
00:20:40,407 --> 00:20:41,974
Yes, it was.

331
00:20:42,041 --> 00:20:46,313
I've never gone two weeks
without writing Mama.

332
00:20:46,379 --> 00:20:49,316
She must think something
horrible has happened to me.

333
00:20:49,382 --> 00:20:51,618
Something horrible
has happened to you.

334
00:20:56,556 --> 00:20:57,957
Cousin, you're right.

335
00:20:59,459 --> 00:21:02,295
I've turned into
a Mr. Potato Head.

336
00:21:06,366 --> 00:21:08,901
What am I going to do?

337
00:21:08,968 --> 00:21:12,439
Balki, television
is only bad if you abuse it.

338
00:21:12,505 --> 00:21:14,941
All you have to do
is learn to be more selective

339
00:21:15,007 --> 00:21:16,509
about what you watch.

340
00:21:16,576 --> 00:21:17,844
Do you think
I could do that?

341
00:21:17,910 --> 00:21:20,480
Of course you can,
I'll help you.

342
00:21:20,547 --> 00:21:22,114
Oh, thank you, cousin.

343
00:21:22,181 --> 00:21:23,616
Now, first thing
in the morning,

344
00:21:23,683 --> 00:21:25,051
we'll go see Crazy Al

345
00:21:25,117 --> 00:21:26,486
and return this TV.

346
00:21:26,553 --> 00:21:27,754
That's a good idea.

347
00:21:27,820 --> 00:21:54,481
You know,
while we're at it,

348
00:21:54,547 --> 00:21:56,749
Leaving already,
Bartokomous?

349
00:21:56,816 --> 00:21:58,885
Yes, Cousin Larry
surprised me.

350
00:21:58,951 --> 00:22:01,287
He is taking me
to a rock concert tonight.

351
00:22:01,354 --> 00:22:04,056
My life in America just keeps
getting better and better.

352
00:22:04,123 --> 00:22:07,560
Isn't that nice?
Isn't it?

353
00:22:07,627 --> 00:22:08,995
Did you get
the postage meter refilled?

354
00:22:09,061 --> 00:22:11,364
Yes, sir, and I put
the receipit on your desk.

355
00:22:11,431 --> 00:22:12,932
"Receipit"?
Receipit.

356
00:22:14,434 --> 00:22:15,768
Did you copy
all those invoices?

357
00:22:15,835 --> 00:22:18,971
Yes, sir, and I made
copies of the copies.

358
00:22:19,038 --> 00:22:21,207
Aha, I bet you didn't get
those mail bags washed?

359
00:22:21,273 --> 00:22:23,910
Oh, come on,
you weren't serious
about that, were you?

360
00:22:23,976 --> 00:22:27,847
Cousin. Uh, yes, uh,
I got them washed
and ironed,

361
00:22:27,914 --> 00:22:31,050
light starch, half in boxes,
half on hangers.

362
00:22:32,619 --> 00:22:34,387
Anything else?

363
00:22:34,454 --> 00:22:37,156
One of these days, Bartokomous,
you're going to foul up.

364
00:22:37,223 --> 00:22:40,226
And when you do,
I'm going to throw a party.

365
00:22:40,292 --> 00:22:42,995
Oh, thank you, sir.

366
00:22:45,197 --> 00:22:47,166
And, listen, you don't have
to pay for everything.

367
00:22:47,233 --> 00:22:49,702
Cousin Larry and I
will bring the little hats.

368
00:22:53,506 --> 00:22:55,975
Come on, Balki,
let's get going.

369
00:22:56,042 --> 00:22:58,177
Now, you sure you're ready
for a rock concert?

370
00:22:58,244 --> 00:23:00,613
They might have those
big diamond-vision screens.

371
00:23:00,680 --> 00:23:02,549
Cousin, nothing
I can't handle.

372
00:23:02,615 --> 00:23:05,284
I've got that
TV turkey off my back.

373
00:23:05,351 --> 00:23:07,887
Good.

374
00:23:07,954 --> 00:23:09,822
you tell me who we're going
to go see tonight?

375
00:23:09,889 --> 00:23:10,857
Chicago.

376
00:23:10,923 --> 00:23:13,125
I know where we are,
I'm asking you

377
00:23:15,795 --> 00:23:17,964
Chicago.
Yes, I understand.

378
00:23:18,030 --> 00:23:19,832
I'm asking you

379
00:23:19,899 --> 00:23:22,802
who's going to be singing
here in Chicago?

380
00:23:24,370 --> 00:23:25,672
The Beatles.

381
00:23:27,306 --> 00:23:29,676
Well, it was like
pulling teeth,

382
00:23:29,742 --> 00:23:31,611
but thank you
for a straight answer.