* Sometimes the world looks perfect
* Nothing to rearrange
* Sometimes you just get a feeling
* Like you need some kind of change
* No matter what the odds are this time
* Nothing's gonna stand in my way
* This flame in my heart
* Like a long-lost friend
* Gives every dark street a light at the end
* Standing tall
* On the wings of my dream
* Rise and fall
* On the wings of my dream
* The rain and thunder the wind and haze
* I'm bound for better days
* Oh oh
* It's my life and my dream
* And nothing's going to stop me now *
Fourteenth President?
Franklin Pierce.
Term?
Ow.
Oh, you're still here?
Cousin, I have to go to bed.
Balki, all you have to do is get an A
on your history final and you'll graduate high school
at the top of your class.
we've been studying for hours
and I'm scraping the bottom of my bucket.
Well, scrape a little deeper.
Balki, nobody in the family has ever
graduated at the top of the class.
I came close.
All I needed was a 96 on my geometry final.
But Mr. Blanchard threw in a trick question
I only got a 94.
I came in second to that little tramp, Becky Jo Quinn.
Cousin, my history final is in four hours
and if I don't get some sleep
my brain isn't going to be worth babbasticki.
Balki. Don't you understand?
You could be the first in the family
to be a valedictorian.
Well, I... I don't think so, cousin.
I... I enjoy eating meat so much.
No, no, Balki, a valedictorian is the person
who is number one in his graduating class.
And he gets to make the big speech
at the graduation ceremony.
And all we need to do
is get a 100 on the final tomorrow.
But, cousin, getting a perfect 100
on the history final is like, uh
swimming across Lake Mypos without getting a single leech.
Balki, anything worth doing
is going to be hard.
Now...
Concentrate.
Ow!
Fifteenth President? James Buchanan.
Term? 1857 to 1861.
Wife's name? He wasn't married.
Why not? Who the heck knows?
Cousin, I'm going to bed.
Balki.
into that graduation valedictorian
number one, numero uno.
Are you gonna let a little thing like sleep get in you way?
Yes. Now, cousin, I'm sorry
but I am not studying anymore tonight and that's that.
Oh, that's that, is it?
That is exactly what that is.
I'm not studying any more tonight.
My brain is exhausted
and besides I know everything in the book.
You know everything in this? Yes, I do.
You do I do. I do.
You do? I do.
Jefferson Davis.
Who is the vice president of the Confederacy?
Alexander Stephens.
He was from Georgia.
He weighed under a hundred pounds.
Who is the publisher of your history book?
You're a sick man, cousin. Oh, you don't know, do you?
Do you You don't know!
Well, it's the Warren Weber Company
of Milwaukee, Wisconsin.
Cousin, my teacher's not going to ask that.
No. And I thought my teacher wasn't gonna ask
how many pages there were in the textbook.
But he did!
The only person who knew the answer
Now, are you going to be
Balki Barotkomous, valedictorian?
Or a nobody?
Valedictorian?
Or a nobody?
all right, cousin, let's go for the mold!
That's the spirit.
"Chapter one..."
Balki.
What time is it?
BALKI: It's "Howdy Doody" time.
Oh, my Lord! We fell asleep.
It's 10 o'clock.
Balki.
Your history exam. It started an hour ago.
Really
Coats, coats. Get the coats. Get the coats.
Door. Door. Open the door.
Door.
Uh, Mr. Jones, I finished with the test.
I think you'll enjoy it.
the extra credit question.
Don't know it, huh? Uh, that too.
Mister... Mister... Mister Jones
I can explain why I'm late.
and then I fall asleep and then I didn't wake up
until this morning when Cousin Larry
knocked me off the couch and then
knocking my head against the banister with each step.
Just between you and me, it's a lucky thing
I don't have a percussion.
Can he still take the test?
Well, sure, but I'm afraid
he only has 20 minutes to complete it.
It would take me 20 minutes just to read this.
Don't read it. Go on instinct.
Balki! Listen to me.
You can do it.
You know the answers.
But you're going to have to work fast, very fast.
Ahem. He also has to work alone.
I'm out of here.
Oh, good, the seventh President was Andrew Jackson.
I... I couldn't think whether it was Andrew or Jermaine.
Uh, Balki, I have to turn these papers in by noon.
Oh! Okay, I'm sorry.
Well, Balki, congratulations. You got a 100.
Yes. Yes!
Uh, Cousin, I did it. I... Oh.
Now. Cousin!
Now we're so happy, we do the dance of joy.
* Dai dai dai dai dai dai dai dai
* Hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey *
Well, you should be happy, Balki
Second? What do you mean second?
We got a 100. We're number one. We're number one.
Uh, I don't know what you are
but Balki finished second in the class.
You see, Henry Fong also got a 100 on the test.
And his overall average is one point higher than Balki's.
Oh!
Oh, cousin, I... I'm sorry, I did the best I could.
No, a 100 is nothing to be ashamed of.
Wait a second. You didn't answer the extra credit question.
I didn't see an extra credit question.
Well, I gave Henry a chance.
So I'll give you a chance to answer it.
I must warn you it's kind of a trick question.
Naturally.
But if you get it right
you will be number one in the class.
Okay, now.
Who was the publisher of our history book?
Balki. You know this.
Oh, cousin. Oh, wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Oh, I see it. I see it.
It's... It's right on the tip of my brain.
It's... coming closer. It's...
I see it. I see it. It's...
It's... gone.
Well, don't feel bad
nobody's ever gotten one of my extra credit questions.
I'm sorry, cousin.
I let you down.
I should have remembered
The Warren Weber Company of Milwaukee, Wisconsin.
He said it, he said it.
Congratulations, Balki.
This means that you graduate
with the highest average in the class.
Oh, thank you, Mr. Jones.
Oh, I'm going to be so proud when I get up
in front of everybody to make my speech.
Come on, cousin, I want to go buy
an underarm deodorant that won't fail me.
MR. JONES: Well, uh, hold on a minute.
What speech are you talking about, Balki?
Oh, the speech that I make at the graduation ceremony.
Uh, there is no graduation ceremony.
There isn't?
Then... Oh-oh, I make my speech at the prom
before all the promming starts?
Uh, there's no prom, either.
I suppose you're gonna tell me there's no class picture.
No graduation
No class picture? What is this
It's night school.
You'll get your diploma in the mail.
You mean I don't get to make a speech?
It's a school policy.
Well, the policy stinks.
Oh, no, cousin, it's... It's all right.
Mr. Jones, I really enjoyed having you as a teacher.
Thank you very much.
Goodbye, Balki, good luck.
Bye-bye.
I'm sorry, Balki.
I had no idea, everybody gets a graduation.
No, cousin, it's all right. It's really all right.
Um, but if you don't mind I'm going to walk home
I just... I wanna be alone for just a moment.
It's not fair.
Night school students work... Work harder
than anyone to get their diplomas.
They didn't do it the easy way like you and I did.
Living at home, going to school during the day
having all night to do homework.
No, no. They have to go to classes in the evening
because they have jobs during the day.
They study whenever they can find the time.
On the bus, on the way to work, on the weekends.
And what do they get from you?
Can you spare the postage? Uh, listen, uh...
No, no, no! Hear me out!
These people earn their diplomas.
If anyone deserves a graduation, they do.
My summer camp had a graduation.
Even dog obedience school has a graduation.
And all they have to do is learn to go on the paper.
If you have any decency,
any compassion,
any sense of justice
you will see that these people get
their own graduation ceremony.
That was very moving...
But I don't work here anymore.
After I turn these papers in, I'm finished for the semester.
Aw, come on.
Can't you do something?
Well... I guess we could go talk to the principal.
Thank you. Thank you.
And try not to grovel. She'll eat you alive.
Cousin. Balki.
I have to talk to you. I have to talk to you too.
Me first. I spoke to Mr. Jones and he...
Cousin, cousin, cousin, please, please.
Look, I've been walking around the windy city
for two hours feeling sorry for myself
and then just before my lips
were chapped beyond recognition,
I say to myself "Balki, what the matter with you is?"
Not only did I graduate from high school, but thanks to you
I graduate number one in my class.
Well, wait till you hear what I have...
I mean, let's be real!
I didn't know about any graduation ceremony
or giving a speech
or going to a prom until you told me.
So why, why should I feel like
my heart has been torn out by the roots?
I am a high school graduate.
I can cope.
You mean you really don't care
whether you have a graduation ceremony or not?
Oh, cousin, I'm past that.
Cousin... This is a mature,
adult Balki you're talking to.
So, if I told you that Mr. Jones and I spoke to your principal
and your class is going to have
a graduation ceremony you would say...
Cowabunga!
This is the happiest day of my life.
And you did it! You did it!
Balki! Balki! Balki!
If you don't put me down
Oh, oh, oh.
Cousin, I'm sorry.
I'm... I'm just... I'm so happy.
I get to have a graduation ceremony.
And I get to give a speech.
I hope my lips heal in time.
Cousin, I can't believe this.
How can I ever thank you?
Just give a great speech.
If you need any help
you can always use the one I wrote, but never got to use
because of that little tramp, Becky Jo Quinn.
Cousin...
You're going to have to let that go.
Graduation. Boy, does this bring back memories?
You know, I was voted most likely to succeed.
Well, we all have our little disappointments.
Larry's such a sweet guy to go to all this trouble for Balki.
I'm so excited.
I have never known anyone
We've got to move this along.
Traffic school meets here in an hour.
It's time. Let's take our seats.
What a coincidence. They played that at my graduation.
I wanna thank you all for coming.
Before I hand out the diplomas, we'll hear
from our valedictorian, Mr. Balki Bartokomous.
Thank you.
I'm a little nervous.
The last time I spoke to a group this size
they were grazing on a hillside.
I... I don't know how to make a speech.
But I can tell you what I feel.
Right now, I'm so happy that it's like
skyrockets are going off inside my heart.
There goes one now.
You know, just a short while ago
I was tending sheep on the hillsides of Mypos
and my only possessions were the bearwood staff
that my grandfather give me
and my heavy wool blanket
to keep out the cold and
and, of course, my Sony Walkman.
I didn't even know what a valedictorian was
and now...
I am one.
I keep thinking any minute
somebody's going to walk through the door and say
"Hey you! What you think you're doing?
"You think you really get to live in this nice place
"and have a nice job
"and have wonderful friends and get an education?
"Get real, farm boy."
But... It is real.
I live in America.
I have a job.
I... I get to pay taxes.
I even have a Visa card with a $200 limit.
And in just a minute
I'm going to have a high school diploma.
That's really something special.
I think that my fellow graduates
and I are going to make you very proud.
We have a... Big curiosity
to learn things and a big feeling
of how lucky we are to live in America
and a... A big wish
that we can make America...
As happy as America makes us.
That's all that's in there.
I'm finished now.
Cousin, I don't understand
We've been driving around for an hour.
Balki, it's tradition.
You graduate, you drive to Evanston.
Everybody does it.
Welcome to your prom.
Congratulations, baby.
May I have this dance?