[David Pomeranz performing "Nothing's Gonna Stop Me Now"]
♪ Sometimes the world looks perfect ♪
♪ Nothing to rearrange ♪
♪ Sometimes you just ♪
♪ Get a feeling like you need some kind of change ♪
♪ No matter what the odds are this time ♪
♪ Nothing's going to stand in my way ♪
♪ This flame in my heart ♪
♪ Like a long lost friend ♪
♪ Gives every dark street a light at the end ♪
♪ Standing tall ♪
♪ On the wings of my dream ♪
♪ Rise and fall ♪
♪ On the wings of my dream ♪
♪ Through the rain and thunder ♪
♪ The wind and haze ♪
♪ I'm bound for better days ♪
♪ It's my life and my dream ♪
♪ And nothing's gonna to stop me now ♪
[instrumental music]
[sighs]
Uh! I can't believe it.
Took me a year to finally get own parking space
and someone else parks in it.
Harriette, do you know anyone
who owns a black Porsche with red pin striping?
Oh, yeah, that's Doug Perkins' new car.
Yeah, well, I'm gonna have to find this Perkins' guy
and set him straight.
Well, you're in luck, here he comes now.
Aah, excuse me.
Are you the owner of the new Porsche in the parking lot?
Stop! Right there!
I'm in your space, right?
Yeah, you are.
Hey, I know what you're thinking.
But I can explain.
I've got a new car and your space is right next to the wall.
So there's less chance of dings.
But listen I've got your best interests at heart.
So, I'll park in your space, you can park in mine.
Well, that sounds fair.
Super.
I gotta run.
Ah, ah, ah, wait.
Where's your space?
Well, I don't have one. But when I get one, it's yours.
Well, after all, it is a Porsche.
You're lucky you're not parkin' it for him.
[singing in foreign language]
Hi, cousin.
Its a La Bamba kind of day.
[singing in foreign language]
Mr. Gorpley tell me that
I'm gonna find something extra in my pay envelope today.
The last time he said that you found
his laundry ticket stapled to your check.
Bartokomous, here's your paycheck.
Take it before I spend it on gum.
‐ Ah, Mr. Gorpley‐‐ ‐ What?
Uh...I just have looked
at my check and I cannot help
but notice that the amount is the same as last week.
And..
...did somebody forget something?
Let me see that.
I did forget something. Thanks for reminding me.
Oh, just doing your job.
I forgot to tell you that you're not getting a raise.
Why not?
Oh, nothing personal, Bartokomous.
No, it is personal.
You're getting a raise because you're a foreigner
you dress funny and I just didn't feel like it.
Oh, well, as long as you had a good reason.
[instrumental music]
[upbeat music]
(Larry) 'You know what I should have told that Perkins?'
'I should have told him to take a powder with his Porsche.'
Cousin, you know, you could look at it this way.
Now everybody will think you own a Porsche.
Balki, you're just as bad as I am.
You just stood by and let Gorpley take away your raise.
People walk all over us. Look at this.
I order a cheeseburger and I get a, get a, get a..
What is this?
I believe this is a Fillet‐O‐Fish.
I never get what I order.
And you know why I never get what I order?
Because you don't enunciate?
No! No!
Because waitresses intimidate me.
And this one was only 14.
Now, cousin, look, you know what we should do?
‐ Just let's eat our fish. ‐ Uh.
Fish is brain food.
Or is it brain is fish food?
Balki, how can you be so nice?
But, cousin, you know, on Mypos, we have a saying.
You can never be too nice or too thin.
Well, this isn't Mypos.
Here nice guys finish last.
[knocking on door]
‐ Oh, hi, Jennifer. ‐ Hi, Larry.
Look, I can't make our date tonight.
An old high school friend is in town.
I hope it's okay.
Oh, hey, no problem.
I knew you would understand. Bye.
Bye.
Now, why did I say it was no problem
it's a big problem.
I have tickets to the ballet.
[sighs]
[shoes squeaking]
Well, now, cousin
I think what you ought to do is just eat your fish
and consider the whole thing water under the Baryshnikov.
Balki! This is no laughing matter.
Let's face it.
We have trouble being assertive.
(man on TV) 'Do you have trouble being assertive?'
'Do you have trouble getting what you order in restaurants?'
'Does your girlfriend break dates with you?'
'At the last minute?'
'When you ask for a raise, does your boss laugh in your face?'
'Do people steamroll over you like you don't even exist?'
'Well, stop!'
'If you're tired of being pushed around'
'take the Stop seminar this weekend'
'and take charge of your life.'
'For more information, call 555‐STOP and do it today!'
Wow!
Talk about truth in advertising.
Balki, if we had taken a seminar like that a long time ago
I'd be parking in my own space and you'd have your raise.
Alright, cousin, there's two things you've got to know
about the Mypiot right upfront.
Number one, we all enjoy a good pomegranate.
That one don't apply here.
But the next one does.
We don't demand things like raises.
We believe that if we sow the seeds of hard work
and water them with a cheerful attitude
then a tree of blessings will take root
and grow and then we will reap the fruit of our labors.
Which, in most cases, is the aforementioned pomegranate.
Terrific.
This from a country that gave us the Mediterranean fruit fly.
You're welcome.
Well, I'm going to take that seminar.
[clicking]
Hello?
I want to sign up for the STOP seminar
and take charge of my life.
Yes, I'll hold.
[instrumental music]
Balki.
I'm home.
How was your STOP seminar?
Very instructive.
(Balki) 'Good.'
Balki, look at me. What do you see?
Oh, cousin, I love this game but you make it too easy.
You should have tell me to cover my eyes first.
Balki, uncover your eyes and I'll tell you what you see.
You see a man who ordered a cheeseburger
for lunch and you know what I got?
A BLT?
At first.
But I sent it back and got a cheeseburger.
Well, now, cousin, isn't that nice.
You got to tell me all about it all over dinner.
‐ I'll sit over there‐‐ ‐ Stop!
Okay.
See, Balki, that's what I learnt today.
When someone tries to make you do something
you don't want to do, you just tell them 'Stop.'
In this case, I'm not hungry.
But, cousin, why you didn't tell me in the first place, I‐‐
Stop!
Are you telling me what to tell you?
Eh, I'm not sure what I'm telling you to tell me
but if you tell me what it is you want me to stop telling you
I'll stop telling it to you.
Alright, Balki. It's okay.
I'm just trying out the new Larry Appleton.
A man who's had it up to here with having it up to here.
[knocking on door]
I'll get it.
But only because I choose to.
Come in.
‐ Hi, Larry. ‐ Jennifer.
Listen, about Monday night, I can't make it.
‐ My supervisor called‐‐ ‐ Stop!
What?
Jennifer, I don't wanna hear about it.
I asked you out, you said yes, so, get on the horn
to your supervisor, tell him, you're not going anywhere
except out with me.
Do it now.
Well, okay.
Balki, you are looking
at a lean, mean, assertive machine.
[instrumental music]
Cousin, don't you think Jennifer will be mad at you?
No, no.
Balki, that's what they teach you
at STOP training.
People, especially women..
...like it when you talk to them like that.
‐ They do? ‐ Yes.
We‐well, they don't like it at first
but pretty soon they learn
that you're doing them a favor.
You think you're doing her a favor
by talking down to her like you talk down to me?
Exactly.
You see, Balki, at STOP
we learn that bending people
to your will..
...is the most unselfish thing you can do.
Cousin, I believe in being nice to others.
Well, of course you do, and I do too.
But before you can be nice to other people
you have to be nice to yourself.
‐ Really? ‐ Yes.
Balki, how do you feel
when you see other people get what they want?
‐ I feel happy. ‐ Right.
And other people will be happy
when they see you get what you want.
‐ Really? ‐ Yes.
So if you want other people to be happy
you have to take what you want.
Even if it doesn't make them happy
while you are taking it.
‐ Let me get this straight. ‐ Mm‐hmm.
I can make others happy
by taking what I want
even if it makes them unhappy while I'm taking it
because they don't realize how happy they're going to be
after I have gotten it.
Ooh, you're good.
‐ You are a STOP natural. ‐ I..
‐ You are, I mean it. ‐ No.
I mean it. Yes, yes, you are.
Balki, I am going to teach you
how to get your raise.
This is your raise.
Cousin, this is a cantaloupe.
Now cantaloupes are nice..
...but I was hoping for money.
Balki, this cantaloupe
represents your raise.
Alright, here, stand over here.
Stand over here. Uh‐huh.
Now..
...all you have to do to get your raise
is to walk over here
and take it.
Not yet.
Alright, now.
Balki..
...concentrate
commit to your goal.
Don't let any obstacles
come between you and your raise.
Are you ready to go get your raise?
Go.
Is that a spider on your neck?
Don't step on the Dimitri.
‐ Too bad about Wayne Newton. ‐ Something happened to Wayne?
‐ Ah‐ha! ‐ Oh.
Cousin, I don't know if I can do this.
Yes, you can. Yes, you can.
All we have to do..
...is focus your anger.
[chuckles] I don't have any anger.
Oh, yes, you do.
[laughs]
‐ No, I don't. ‐ Yes, you do.
I don't have any anger!
Where do you think that come from?
Balki, that is the anger you have for Mr. Gorpley.
The man who promised you a raise
and then viciously took it away from you!
Well, I'll be snookered.
I didn't know that was in there.
Well, there's a lot more where that came from.
Don't you send half your paycheck home to your mama?
Yes, yes, I do.
That way she don't have to work so hard in her golden years.
So, wouldn't you have sent half your raise home to your mama?
Well, yes, I would.
So by taking money away from you
Mr. Gorpley is taking money away from your mama.
What kind of man would steal
from a kindly, old woman?
‐ A bad man. ‐ Mm‐hmm.
And..
...and how does that make you feel, Balki?
[crying] Awful.
How does that make you feel?
‐ Bad. ‐ How does that make you feel?
That makes me angry!
Good! Good! Good! Put me down!
Alright, now what are you going to do with that anger?
I'm going to use it to get what I want!
And why are you going to get what you want?
‐ Because I'm selfish! ‐ And why are you selfish?
Because I want to make people happy!
‐ Yes, yes, you've got it. ‐ Happy!
‐ You've got it. ‐ Ha, ha, ha!
[instrumental music]
(Larry) 'Balki, go in there'
'and get your raise.'
Alright, Mr. Gorpley..
...you can run..
...but you cannot ride.
[door slams]
Stop!
Last week I asked you very nicely to move your car.
You refused. I let you get away with it.
Well, those days are over.
I want you out of my space
and I want you out now.
Oh, man!
You've been to STOP seminar, haven't you?
Yes, I have.
I went to that seminar last week.
That's why I took your space.
I thought it would make you happy.
Then I spent the whole weekend telling my wife where to get off
she threw me out.
Just went upstairs, demanded a raise..
...I was fired.
STOP ruined my life.
Do yourself a favor!
Forget everything they told you..
...before it's too late!
Balki.
Uh, Mr. Gorpley, Mr. Gorpley.
Mr. Gorpley, uh, if‐if you see Balki before I do
you should know that‐that‐that he was, he was
uh, he was hypnotized at a party
and thinks he's General Patton.
If this is some sob story about the Mypion's raise
save your breath.
Over the weekend I thought about it
and I decided to give it to him.
You did?
Balki! Balki! Hey, Balki!
Listen, buddy, listen. Balki! Balki! Balki!
Change o' plan.
Balki! Balki!
You got your raise!
Of course I did.
Balki! Balki! You cannot do this!
Out of my way, little man.
I have a date with dynasty.
Balki! Balki!
You have got to stop STOP!
Cousin, if you don't want to make the trip to success
then get out of the road.
[clanking]
Ah, Bartokomous‐‐
Stop!
Excuse me?
Nobody takes money
out of my mama's mouth.
What are you talking about?
I'm talking about my mama's mouth
and the act of taking money out of it.
I deserve a raise.
Therefore, it's mine.
I demand it now.
Let me get this straight.
You are demanding a raise?
You got that right
you Mypiot mother mugger.
Do you know what this is?
[blowing a raspberry] It's a piece of paper.
Yes.
But not just any piece of paper.
This is the authorization for your raise.
I was just taking it up to payroll.
Well, of course you were.
Don't be ridiculous.
I got my raise?
You had it.
Now you don't.
Balki, Balki, what happened?
Balki! What are you doing?
I'm focusing my anger.
[instrumental music]
Cousin, great news!
Mr. Gorpley give me my raise back.
Oh, that's great, Balki. I'd..
I'm afraid I owe you a big apology
and I hope Mr. Gorpley wasn't too hard on you.
Actually, all I had to do was tell him
that I had been listening to you and that seemed to be enough.
[sighs]
Balki, I‐I don't know
how I bought that STOP business.
I mean, I‐I‐I just wanted to be able to stand up for myself
so that people wouldn't walk all over me.
I just thought that a little aggressiveness would help.
Cousin, it's okay to stand up for yourself
as long as you don't stand on other people.
You know, on Mypos we have a saying.
Would you care to hear it in the original?
‐ No, translation would be fine. ‐ Okay.
It says, "You get more flies with honey
than with a rifle."
I would think so, yes.
So anyway it's okay as long as you learned a lesson.
Oh, eh, uh, Balki, I have.
And never again will I jump
into something like this blindly.
Well, the good news is that we've taken care
of all the harm that's been done.
[knock on door]
(both) Come in!
(Larry) 'Oh, Jennifer.'
Larry, I've been thinking about the way
you treated me the other night.
Yes, about that I..
Don't ever talk to me that way again.
Cousin, it was a sucker punch.
You'll get her next time.
[instrumental music]
[theme music]