[David Pomeranz performing "Nothing's Gonna Stop Me Now"]
♪ Sometimes the world looks perfect ♪
♪ Nothing to rearrange ♪
♪ Sometimes you just get a feeling ♪
♪ Like you need some kind of change ♪
♪ No matter what the odds are this time ♪
♪ Nothing's going to stand in my way ♪
♪ This flame in my heart ♪
♪ And a long lost friend ♪
♪ Gives every dark street a light at the end ♪
♪ Standing tall ♪
♪ On the wings of my dream ♪
♪ Rise and fall ♪
♪ On the wings of my dream ♪
♪ To the rain and thunder ♪
♪ The wind and haze ♪
♪ I'm bound for better days ♪
♪ It's my life ♪
♪ And my dream ♪
♪ And nothing's gonna stop me now ♪
Thanks for letting me drive, Harriette.
When do I get to do it again?
How about "The Twelfth Of Never?"
I'll pencil you in.
So, are you and Larry going with us
on the company camping‐trip?
Oh, I am, but, uh, Cousin Larry
don't do well out of doors.
I know my Cousin Larry like the back of my hand
there's no way, no how, Cousin Larry is going camping.
Balki..
...we're going camping.
Bad call.
Cousin, I don't understand.
‐ You said you hate camping. ‐ I do.
But, Jennifer loves it.
She thinks it's romantic.
This is my chance to get Jennifer away
for a romantic weekend.
Wait a minute, cousin.
I'm getting a deja voodoo.
The last time you tried to get Jennifer away
for a romantic weekend, was the time you took us skiing
which resulted in our being trapped in an avalanche.
Jennifer has forgotten all about that.
Oh, is that right?
‐ Yes, it is. ‐ Really?
Well, that's interesting
I would have thought it would be hard
to forget being buried alive.
‐ Hi, guys. ‐ 'Hi, Jennifer.'
Are you ready to go to lunch?
Jennifer, I have a wonderful surprise for you.
How would you like to go camping?
I'd love it.
Oh, you‐you‐you mean with you?
The memory lingers on.
You know, I still hyperventilate
every time I pass a ski shop.
Well, you've got to be equipped with a paper bag.
Slip it over your head and do
some deep breathing, get it all up here.
Like this, right‐‐
Okay, okay, hey, people, people, people.
Hey, hey, hey.
Doesn't "Forgive and forget" mean anything?
‐ No. ‐ No.
This trip will be different.
It's totally organized.
We'll be with a big group.
I don't know.
You..
...the woods..
...so much could go wrong.
You're right. You're right, you are absolutely right.
I couldn't agree with you more.
And, and, and I wouldn't even go camping with just me.
And that's why, uh..
...that's why, uh, uh, that's why
Balki is going to be the camping leader.
‐ I am? ‐ Didn't I tell you that?
‐ No. ‐ Where's my head?
Oh, it's a good thing I'm not in charge.
I‐I'm going to be the leader?
Yes.
Oh, you never let me lead before.
Well, you weren't ready before.
‐ No. ‐ No, now you are.
‐ Yes? ‐ Yes.
Balki is a master of the wilderness.
Why, he was practically born outdoors.
I was born outdoors.
Well, there you are.
Can I pick a leader or what?
Well, I‐I guess if Balki is going to lead‐‐
You'll go. Great.
Balki, you wanna lead us to lunch?
Well, this is fun, let's see..
...how would you like to go to
Bosco's House Of Liver And Waffles?
"Liver And Waffles?"
Well, if you don't mind the drive‐thru
there's always Eels On Wheels.
Uh, Larry why don't you lead this one?
Yeah.
Well, uh‐uh, there‐there's always
Jack's Escargo‐go with the little snails that go..
Cousin..
...Mary‐Mary Anne said that, uh..
...that, that she would be, um..
...coming with us. What is all this?
Balki, this is what we need to go camping.
Here's your state‐of‐the‐art all‐season tent.
Your self‐contained, self‐igniting propane stove.
Your double‐mantled, high‐intensity
camping lantern with optional bug light.
Cousin, you're bringing beer?
Bug light.
But, cousin, I‐I, I thought the idea of camping
was just man and nature with nothing in between.
Don't you think I know that?
And hey, if it were just you and me..
...I'd bring nothing but my trusty hunting knife.
But, we're bringing women.
Well, cousin, on Mypos
when we bring women, it's easier.
They do all the heavy lifting.
And would Jennifer and Mary Anne
were like that hardy breed
but they're not.
Roughing it does not make American women feel romantic
comfort does.
Well, I‐I‐I want them to feel comfortable
but "Good Golly, Miss Molly," do we really need all this?
Well, I have already whittled it down to the bare essentials.
I'm still undecided about the portable shower.
‐ What's this? ‐ Ah.
Take your shoes off
step into this baby, give it a try.
This..
...is a top‐of‐the‐line
all‐weather..
...water‐proof sleeping bag.
And, when nestled on a Nature Sleep
super‐soft air mattress
it provides comfort and warmth.
Two of the ingredients necessary
for a romantic camping‐trip.
In fact, the man at the store said that in the event
of an emergency, two people could fit in this bag.
Well, I think he sold you a bill of rights.
There's no way you can get two people in here.
‐ Sure you can. ‐ No, I don't think so.
Well..
‐ What are you doing? ‐ I'll show you.
Well, I, Cousin, can I just save you some time?
There's no way two people are gonna fit in this bag.
Well, let me save you some time.
Two people will fit in here, no problem.
Alright, there's, you know, there's other things
we could be doing, this is..
...this is eating up my day, you know.
I, I..
There, are you satisfied?
Well, I'll be snookered.
‐ Two people can fit in here. ‐ Mm‐hmm.
But they'll have to take turns breathing.
And if it gets really cold..
...you just put on the hood.
My, it's cozy in here.
Of course it is.
Balki, the goose down in this bag
[screaming]
What, what?
There's a goose, down in this bag?
No, no, no, Balki, no, no, stop it.
Balki, just, don't, you're hysterical.
Balki, stop it.
Ow! Stop it!
Oh, I'd better stop it, stop it!
Feathers.
Goose feathers.
The goose feathers in the lining of this bag
will protect us, down to a temperature
of 60 below.
Well, cousin, I'm sorry.
As a child..
...I had a very traumatic experience with a goose.
I'll bet you did.
[phone ringing]
Would you like to get that or shall I?
[phone ringing]
The zipper is stuck.
Too bad you didn't get a sleeping bag
with a phone in it.
Alright, alright, alright.
Hopping, hopping.
Hopping, hop. Alright, here.
‐ Hopping, okay? ‐ Hopping, hopping.
‐ Hop, hop, hop. ‐ Hopping, hopping, hop.
[grunting]
[phone ringing]
Alright, alright.
You talk, I'll listen.
Hello, hello?
‐ Balki. ‐ Hello, hello?
‐ Balki! ‐ Aah!
‐ What is it? ‐ They hung up.
Oh.
We've got to get out of this thing.
No kidding.
[knocking]
Who is it?
(Jennifer) 'It's Jennifer.'
Uh, just a minute.
Uh, oh, over here, over here.
Alright, alright. Now, hopping, hopping.
‐ Hopping, hopping, hopping. ‐ Hopping, hopping, hopping.
‐ Hop, hop, hop. ‐ Hopping, hop, hop.
‐ Hop, hop, hop. ‐ Hop, hop, hop.
[grunting]
(in unison) Hi!
Hi, uh, I was just wondering when we were..
I, I‐I‐Is this a bad time?
[grunting]
Oh, no, uh, we, we were just, uh..
...testing this sleeping bag.
Yeah, what do you think, Balki, uh, passed the stress test?
Yeah, couple more hours and we should know for sure.
[grunting]
Oh, uh, Jennifer, uh, have any gear you need tested?
Uh, no, I was just wondering what time
we were leaving in the morning.
‐ Oh. ‐ Oh, uh, let's see.
I wanna get up at 5:30 and get in the shower.
You're gonna dry your hair or just let it air‐dry?
[indistinct chatter]
You want an omelet for breakfast with feta cheese..
...uh, out the door by six o'clock, uh..
‐ 6:15? ‐ 6:15?
Fine.
Uh, Balki is still our camping leader, right?
‐ Oh, sure. ‐ Oh.
You never said a truer thing, yes.
Lead on, lead on.
Well, I was just checking.
‐ Bye‐Bye. ‐ Bye.
You don't think she noticed anything wrong, do you?
No, no.
I think she probably sees two men
wearing a sleeping bag each and every day.
Small setback, small setback.
But this is still going to be the greatest camping trip ever.
Cousin, wake up and smell the propane.
We're trapped and we haven't even left the apartment yet.
[instrumental music]
Alright, everybody in my group over here!
Gather 'round the picnic table!
Now, I'd like to take this opportunity
to point out that the tip for the group leader
is not included in the price of the trip.
Are you gonna wear that all weekend?
I'm starting to get a migraine.
If there are any hunters in the woods
I wanna make sure they see me.
See you?
Hang a couple of lights on your butt
and airplanes will land on your back!
Why do you always do that to me?
'Why do you undermine my self‐confidence..'
Oh, Mary Anne, isn't this wonderful?
This is great.
I haven't camped out since...since..
...well, I guess I've never camped out.
Now, remember, campers, this is not a zoo.
Do not pet or feed the animals.
This is their home. Try to respect that.
Larry, come on.
Yeah, I'm coming, I'm coming.
[grunting]
Larry, are you sure you don't want any help with that?
Oh, no, I'm fine, I'm fine.
If I can't carry twice my body weight in camping gear
I don't deserve to go camping.
Uh, now, can I have your attention?
All Chronicle campers, please go down the path
to the corral where you'll be given a mule
'to take you to the campsite.'
'And remember, those mules can bite.'
[laughing]
Aren't you guys coming?
Oh, you go ahead. We'll catch up.
Balki, we need to talk.
[panting]
Did you see the girl's faces
when the man mentioned mules?
No, cousin, I was being a good listener.
Well, I did. They were not happy campers.
Well, Cousin, how else we're gonna get to the campsite?
Oh, huh.
Oh! Look!
'Rafts!'
Well, Balki, this is perfect!
The campsite is right on the river.
We'll rent a raft, the river
will take us slowly to the campsite
what could be more romantic?
Shearing a sheep with the woman you love?
But that's not the point.
The point is, as leader
I veto the rafts and I go for the mules.
Balki, Balki, I‐I..
...I didn't wanna bring this up before
uh, because you were doing so well as leader, but technically
technically, your leadership doesn't begin
until we get to the campsite.
You‐You never mentioned that.
Well, I didn't think it was necessary.
It's implied in the term "Camping leader."
"Camping leader!"
When we get to the campsite
the camping leader, that's you..
...will be in charge of the camping.
But it is my responsibility to get us there.
Wow!
I had no idea there was such a subtle division of leadership.
Well, now, you do.
Follow me.
‐ Hi. ‐ Hi.
We'd like to rent a raft, large enough for four.
Okay.
That's $30 a day for the raft.
Are you guys gonna need a guide?
‐ No. ‐ Yes.
‐ Excuse us. ‐ Certainly.
What, uh..
What are you doing?
Well, Cousin, I‐I thought it might be nice
to‐to take a guide.
Balki, we don't need a guide to take us down the river.
Pay attention.
The river only goes one way. It's a one‐way river.
Well, cousin, I think it's a tad more complicated than that.
‐ Oh, you do? ‐ Yes, I do.
‐ Oh, you do, oh, do you? ‐ Yes, I do, cousin‐‐
Alright. Well, Balki, let me ask you a question.
How many rivers have you been on?
How many? How many rivers?
How many rivers have you been on
in a rubber raft in America?
‐ None. ‐ None?
As in zero, as in no rivers have you been on
in a rubber raft in America?
‐ That is correct. ‐ Well, I have.
And I say we don't need a guide.
[thumping]
Pay attention!
Balki!
Look, we sit in the raft
with Jennifer and Mary Anne.
The river slowly takes us to the campsite.
We glide up, we get out.
‐ I take charge‐‐ ‐ Yeah, yeah, sure.
The point is, everyone will have fun
'cause we'll be rollin'.
‐ Rolling? ‐ Rollin'.
‐ Rolling? ‐ Rollin' on the river.
Rolling on the river?
♪ Left a good job in the city ♪
[snapping fingers]
♪ Workin' for the man every night and day ♪
♪ And I never lost a minute of sleepin' ♪
♪ Worrying 'bout the way things might have been ♪
♪ Big wheel keep on turnin' ♪
♪ Proud Mary keep on burnin' ♪
[instrumental music]
Well, I think we all have to agree that this is absolutely
the best time we have ever had out of doors.
Oh, look, a deer.
(in unison) Oh!
It looks just like Bambi.
(in unison) Oh!
Oh, Larry, it's absolutely beautiful out here.
It is, isn't it?
Ah, nature.
I love it.
It's good to get back to the simple life.
Now, I have three kinds of cheesecake.
Almond
chocolate chip
and Grand Marnier.
Cousin, uh, there's an important decision to be made.
Mm‐hmm. You're absolutely right, Balki.
Almond, chocolate chip
or Grand Marnier?
I, no, the river has a fork in the road.
Which way should we go?
Now, uh, let's see..
...the, uh, the map says
we go...left.
Well, that may be what the map says, but I'm telling you
Mother Nature is whispering in my ear that we should go right.
[laughing] Isn't that cute?
Mother Nature is whispering in his ear.
Well, maybe Mother Nature hasn't looked at the map.
[laughing]
Now...almond, chocolate chip or Grand Marnier?
[instrumental music]
Uh, cousin, I think we have a problem.
No kidding, we're out of champagne.
I knew I should have brought more.
No, cousin, I think the river is getting angry at us.
[screaming]
(Larry) 'No big deal. Uh, let's just paddle.'
Larry, aren't we going a lot faster than we were before?
Well, well, maybe a couple of knots.
Speed is hard to judge when you're on the water.
(Mary Anne) Ah! Look out, Larry!
Danger, on the other hand, is rather easy to judge!
'On the other hand is rock, rock!'
[screaming]
Don't panic!
We can do this!
People go down rivers every day.
How hard can it be?
Cousin, this is not the log ride at Knott's Berry Farm!
[screaming]
Harder! We have to paddle!
[screaming]
[clamoring]
‐ Balki! ‐ Balki!
'Stop it! Stop it!'
Stop it!
[gasping]
There. Huh, huh?
That wasn't so bad.
No.
(Larry) Just a little white water.
I think we're okay.
What's that sound?
I've heard that sound before.
You have?
Yeah, on my trip to Niagara Falls.
(in unison) Niagara Falls!
Paddle! Paddle to the right! To the right. To the right!
‐ What? Alright! ‐ To the left!
To the left!
[screaming]
[dramatic music]
‐ No. Cousin! ‐ Larry, Larry.
[screaming]
Balki, I can't swim!
(Jennifer) H‐Hold on, I'll save you.
(Jennifer) Mary Anne, I can't swim!
(Jennifer) Oh, no. No! Ah!
(Mary Anne) Save me!
(Jennifer) Oh, no! The current's too strong.
(Mary Anne) I can't swim!
[theme music]