(male narrator) Last week, on "Perfect Strangers.."
I don't understand, you said you hate camping.
I do, but Jennifer loves it.
She thinks it's romantic.
This is my chance to get Jennifer
away for a romantic weekend.
Oh, look.
Rafts.
The camp site is right on the river.
We'll rent a raft.
The river will take us slowly to the camp site
What could be more romantic?
Larry, aren't we going a lot faster than we were before?
Well, well, maybe a couple of knots.
[screaming]
‐ Larry, Larry. ‐ Cousin.
[David Pomeranz performing "Nothing's Gonna Stop Me Now"]
♪ Sometimes the world looks perfect ♪
♪ Nothing to rearrange ♪
♪ Sometimes you just get a feeling ♪
♪ Like you need some kind of change ♪
♪ No matter what the odds are this time ♪
♪ Nothing's going to stand in my way ♪
♪ This flame in my heart ♪
♪ Like a long lost friend ♪
♪ Gives every dark street a light at the end. ♪
♪ Standing tall ♪
♪ On the wings of my dream ♪
♪ Rise and fall ♪
♪ On the wings of my dreams ♪
♪ The rain and thunder ♪
♪ The wind and haze ♪
♪ I'm bound for better days ♪
♪ It's my life and my dream ♪
♪ Nothing's going to stop me now ♪
[instrumental music]
We can, we can rest.
Here. Ungh!
[panting]
[coughing]
Jennifer, thank God, you're alive.
You know, when I saw Larry coming to save me
I thought I was a goner.
Alright.
The first thing we have to do
is figure out how to get out of here.
No, cousin.
The first thing we have to do
is to figure out where "Here" is.
You mean we're lost?
No, no, no. We can't be lost.
The last time you got us lost
we were almost killed in an avalanche.
Jennifer, don't worry.
I will get us out of here.
‐ We're going to die! ‐ 'Oh, my God!'
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Okay, okay, ladies, ladies, please.
Have some consideration.
You're gonna wake up the owls.
Now, let's just take stock of our situation, huh?
Now, this happens to be a nice, safe spot for a camp site.
Isn't it? Yes.
And now, I'm going to be handing out some assignments seeing
that I'm the camping leader.
First of all, we need somebody to hunt for nuts and berries.
We need somebody to head up the firewood committee.
And, uh, one of you people gets to dig for the good‐luck slug.
Now, let's take the, uh, life jackets.
Spread them out to dry.
Now, wait‐wait‐wait.
Why are we making camp?
All we have to do is cut across the forest
in...that direction.
And we'll run right into the other fork of the river.
We'll just follow it down to the camp site
and we'll be there in time for the big barbeque
and talent show.
I think that we should stay here
and wait for the search party.
I'm with Balki.
Me too.
Uh, Balki, could I...speak with you privately.
Oh, sure.
Excuse us.
You have got to let me lead us out of here.
You have got to be kidding.
Cousin, Jennifer and Mary Ann won't follow you.
I'm having kind of a hard time myself.
Alright, wait, wait, wait.
You're the camping leader.
They'll follow me if you tell them to.
Cousin, they lost their way
not their minds.
But good news, I'm gonna put you in charge of gathering nuts.
‐ Eeh! ‐ Get back here.
If I don't get Jennifer's respect back
she won't trust me again.
If she doesn't trust me
she won't go out with me anymore.
‐ Well‐‐ ‐ And then, we'll drift apart.
I'll wind up...alone, heartbroken
no wife, no children.
Never to have a...darling little tike
to climb into my lap
and say in a sweet, innocent voice
"When is Uncle Balki coming over to visit?
I want him to tell me more stories of Mypos."
Oh, cousin, I want to be an uncle.
Of course you do.
Even though I don't know how that works since we are cousins.
Well, I‐‐
Wouldn't that be, wait a minute.
Are you sure you know how to get back to the camp site?
Of course. Nobody can be wrong all the time.
Okay.
I'll do it.
Oh, I suppose I'll have to, now, break the news
to Jennifer and Mary Ann.
‐ You can do it. ‐ Okay.
Well, here I go.
Jennifer, um, Mary Ann..
...first of all, I'd like to tell you
just how lovely you look today.
Now, uh, I've been thinking
about this, and as camping leader
I've decided that we should follow Cousin Larry.
‐ What? ‐ What?
Get 'em up, move 'em out.
♪ I don't know but I've been told ♪
♪ Illinois wind is a mighty cold ♪
♪ Sound off ♪
[indistinct]
♪ Three four ♪
[instrumental music]
[singing gibberish]
♪ Twenty‐three bottles of beer on the wall ♪
Look..
...I can see the other fork of the river.
‐ Oh! Oh! ‐ We made it, we made it!
And it only took us five hours.
The camp site can't be far from here. I did it.
‐ You did it! ‐ I did it.
We'll rest here for a few minutes
then, we'll into camp with our heads held high.
What's that?
Life jackets.
Those look like the ones we left at the other clearing.
Mary Ann, this is the other clearing.
We've been walking for five hours
and you lead us in a circle.
How could you lead us in a circle!
Jennifer, Jennifer, Jennifer
may, may I, may I have a word with you?
Now, is this really fair?
Shouldn't you pick on someone your own size?
Well...let me have him.
Let me have him.
Let go. I know it's hard.
Get up.
How could you lead us in a circle?
How could you lead us in a circle!
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Alright.
Alright, now..
...we've wasted a lot of daylight.
So, so, girls, I want you to go
and, and, uh, search for firewood.
Cousin Larry and I are going to forage the forest for food.
‐ Fine. ‐ 'But wait.'
Let's not forage the forest for food so fast.
I know what I did wrong.
Now, I really know where I'm going.
‐ We head through the woods.. ‐ Let's get some firewood.
If we just, no, if we kinda, we kinda cross here and wa‐‐
‐ Cousin, cousin, cousin. ‐ We have, we have, we have‐‐
It's over. Let it go.
I can't, I just can't
[mumbling]
Cousin, cousin, come on, listen, listen to me.
Listen to me. Listen.
It's gonna be great.
We're gonna build a fire
and we're gonna tell stories
along the camp fire.
And we're gonna have a wonderful camping‐trip.
I don't wanna have a wonderful camping‐trip.
‐ You don't? ‐ No.
I want Jennifer to respect me.
But, cousin, that ship has sunk.
‐ I can't believe I did this. ‐ Well, I‐‐
I can't believe I did this.
Cousin, cousin, listen
J‐Jennifer won't be mad forever.
‐ She won't? ‐ No.
‐ No? ‐ W‐Would you stop?
Please don't make that sound.
My ears.
L‐Listen, you know what it is?
It's just every time her life get's threatened
she gets a little cranky.
Yeah, I‐I suppose you're right.
Well, cousin
as soon as the forest rangers comes to rescue us
her head will be wearing a big, happy face.
Forest ranger?
Alright, wait a minute.
Jennifer is not going to be rescued
by some good‐looking guy.
She's going to be rescued by me.
Alright, you stay here.
I'm going to go get help.
Now, cousin, cousin, no.
It's going to be dark soon
it's not safe to travel around the woods alone.
Balki, there's a full moon.
Cousin, you got lost in a full sun.
Balki, I'm going to find help or die trying.
Oh!
Boy, are you having one bad day.
Balki, help, I'm stuck in quicksand.
Cousin, don't worry, I'll help you.
[screaming]
It's gonna be kinda hard to save you from here.
Yes, yes, it will.
[instrumental music]
[screaming]
‐ 'Help!' ‐ 'Help!'
‐ Help! ‐ Help!
Jennifer! Mary Anne! help!
Where'd they go to get firewood? Canada?
Help!
Cousin, if I don't get out, I want you to pick up
I have a, I have a, I have a roll of film
at the Photorama.
Oh, Balki, Balki.
[groaning]
[exhaling]
Cousin, cousin, just wait. Wait, wait, wait.
I‐I‐I know how to keep us from sinking.
‐ How? ‐ Well, I saw this movie once.
‐ Yes. ‐ Did you ever see, uh..
..."Tarzan Fight For His Life?"
Super flick.
‐ Spit it out! Spit it out! ‐ Okay.
Tarzan, Tarzan says that, that if you don't struggle
then you won't get caught in the quicksand.
‐ Alright, then relax. Relax. ‐ Relax.
‐ Relax.
[exhaling]
‐ Balki. ‐ Yes.
We're not sinking.
Well, of course, we are not. Tarzan don't lie.
Now, how are we going to get out of here?
‐ Well, now, cousin. ‐ Yeah.
Over there, there's a nice branch you can grab.
‐ Over where? ‐ Over there.
‐ Over there? ‐ Over there!
‐ Oh, over there. ‐ Over there.
‐ Right there. ‐ Oh, yeah. Alright.
‐ Yes, I see it. ‐ Well, then..
...grab it!
Alright. Alright.
Yeah. Yeah.
‐ Relax. ‐ Yeah.
‐ Relax. Relax ‐ I'm relaxed. I'm relaxed.
Yeah. Yes. Yes! Yes!
‐ Yes! Yes! ‐ Yes! Yes!
‐ Relax. Relax! ‐ I'm sinking. I'm sinking!
‐ Relax! Relax. ‐ I'm relaxed. I'm relaxed.
‐ Relax. Relax. ‐ I'm relaxed. I'm relaxed.
Relax.
♪ Don't do it ♪
♪ Where you want to go to it ♪
♪ Go do it ♪
♪ Where you want to go ♪
[humming]
Balki.
Perhaps...perhaps I should try it.
Yes, by all means.
[intense music]
Yes!
‐ Yes! Yes! ‐ See that?
‐ Yes! Balki. ‐ Oh.
‐ Balki, you've done it. ‐ Oh. Ah!
‐ You've done it. ‐ Ah ha ha.
‐ Oh. ‐ Ah!
Oh, oh. Yeah.
Oh!
Oh, Balki.
Balki.
[laughing]
Relax. Relax.
[instrumental music]
[crickets chirping]
Who wants more of Balki's all‐natural trail mix?
Fresh off the trail.
This stuff is delicious.
What do you call these nut‐like things?
Nuts.
I think he is asleep.
Well, at least we're safe for a while.
Oh, Jennifer, try not to be too hard on Cousin Larry.
He was just trying to show you a good time.
But Balki, every time he tries to show me a good time
they send out a search party.
He knows that.
That's the reason he tried to make this trip
the best trip you've ever taken.
And he struck out again, wow!
Listen, I‐I know how we can make him feel better.
Um, we can use a trick the experts use.
I‐I saw one time, this episode of "Fathers Knows Best"
and, uh, David had a problem with Ricky.
And he went into the‐‐
No, no, Balki, I‐I think you're talking about
"Ozzie And Harriet."
Ooh! Right, right, right.
So, uh, so, anyway, um..
...so, David got the Beav to pretend
that he needed some help‐‐
No, no, wa‐wait. No.
No, Balki, the Beav was on "Leave It To Beaver."
Oh, of course, right, right, right. Thank you.
Um, wait a minute. Maybe it was...it was Wally.
Yeah, it was Wally who needed help. Okay‐‐
Was that, was that Wally on‐on "Leave It To Beaver"
or Wally on "Ozzie And Harriet?"
I don't know.
Okay.
So, somebody on television
pretended that they needed help..
...so that somebody else on television would come
and help them...and be the hero
and get their confidence back.
You mean, that if we trick Larry into doing something heroic
maybe he'll get his confidence back?
Yeah, I was thinking maybe you could pretend
to be bitten by a snake
and then, and then I could run and hide in the bushes
and you can wake Cousin Larry up
and then he can suck out the deadly poison.
‐ Balki, that's great. ‐ You like it?
Yes, you can use my eyeliner pencil to draw the snake bite.
(Jennifer) 'Where should I put it, on my hand?'
Uh, uh, well, I think your arm is better.
‐ 'Oh.' ‐ No, no, her leg.
No, no, her arm is..
Please...I don't want your pity.
So, what did we decide?
Is it gonna be on your arm or on your leg?
[crickets chirping]
[growling]
Mary Anne, your stomach is growling.
Sorry.
[growling]
‐ Mary Anne! Mary Anne! ‐ What? What?
(Mary Anne) 'Oh, my God.'
‐ Balki, Balki. ‐ He's gone.
‐ Larry! Larry! ‐ Oh! Oh, Jennifer, what is it?
‐ Bear! Bear! ‐ A bear? Where?
‐ There. There. ‐ Oh, oh.
[growling]
‐ Where's Balki? ‐ He's not here.
Of course, he isn't.
I see what's going on.
Larry, Larry, please, there really is a bear over there.
[sighing] Okay, fine.
‐ Be careful. ‐ Yeah.
[growling]
Yoo‐hoo! Mister bear!
Are you hungry?
Here's my arm.
Larry, what are you doing?
I'm scaring the bear away so I can get my confidence back.
Boo.
There.
Okay? I got my confidence back.
Alright, Balki, you can come out now.
What are you doing up?
[growling]
‐ He's gonna get us. ‐ Alright, everybody back!
Back! Back! Back, furball!
I hate these woods and everything in it!
Just...get out of my face!
Leave us alone!
[Larry yelling]
You could have been killed.
He scared it away.
Larry, you saved our lives.
I did?
I guess I did.
Yeah...I really scared that bear away.
I really risked my life.
I...I really think you oughta catch me.
Oh, boy!
Some weekend, huh?
Whoa, you can say that again.
You believe that Sunday‐night traffic?
Balki, I was referring to almost drowning in a river
getting lost in the woods and being attacked by a bear.
Oh, well, that too.
Yes, by all means that was, that was quite‐quite something.
How long do you think it'll be before Jennifer
forgets that I saved her life
and remembers that I was the one who risked it.
Oh, about...a week, ten days tops.
Well, I'm gonna enjoy it while I can.
You know, on the bus ride home
Jennifer looked at me differently.
Her eyes, uh, swelled up with what I have to think is
a new‐found respect for me.
Well...they did swell up, cousin
but I'm pretty sure it was from the poison ivy
you gathered for her to sleep on.
Poison ivy?
Can't be.
I used the same leaves to make my bed.
[instrumental music]