1 00:00:01,367 --> 00:00:03,003 [David Pomeranz performing "Nothing's Gonna Stop Me Now"] 2 00:00:11,477 --> 00:00:14,781 ♪ Sometimes the world looks perfect ♪ 3 00:00:14,815 --> 00:00:17,417 ♪ Nothin' to rearrange ♪ 4 00:00:17,450 --> 00:00:20,320 ♪ Sometimes you just get a feeling ♪ 5 00:00:20,353 --> 00:00:21,387 ♪ Like you need ♪ 6 00:00:21,421 --> 00:00:24,791 ♪ Some kind of change ♪ 7 00:00:24,825 --> 00:00:28,595 ♪ No matter what the odds are this time ♪ 8 00:00:28,629 --> 00:00:30,664 ♪ Nothing's gonna stand in my way ♪ 9 00:00:30,697 --> 00:00:32,265 ♪ This flame in my heart ♪ 10 00:00:32,298 --> 00:00:34,234 ♪ And a long lost friend ♪ 11 00:00:34,267 --> 00:00:35,536 ♪ Gives every dark street ♪ 12 00:00:35,569 --> 00:00:38,171 ♪ A light at the end ♪ 13 00:00:39,239 --> 00:00:42,208 ♪ Standing tall ♪ 14 00:00:42,242 --> 00:00:46,112 ♪ On the wings of my dream ♪ 15 00:00:46,146 --> 00:00:49,082 ♪ Rise and fall ♪ 16 00:00:49,115 --> 00:00:52,653 ♪ On the wings of my dream ♪ 17 00:00:52,686 --> 00:00:55,756 ♪ Through the rain and thunder the wind and haze ♪ 18 00:00:55,789 --> 00:00:59,425 ♪ I'm bound for better days ♪ 19 00:00:59,459 --> 00:01:01,194 ♪ It's my life ♪ 20 00:01:01,227 --> 00:01:02,763 ♪ And my dream ♪ 21 00:01:02,796 --> 00:01:05,198 ♪ And nothing's gonna stop me now ♪ 22 00:01:05,231 --> 00:01:08,168 [instrumental music] 23 00:01:16,142 --> 00:01:18,812 [instrumental music] 24 00:01:26,720 --> 00:01:28,522 What are you doing? 25 00:01:28,555 --> 00:01:30,557 I'm gonna put ice cream in the punch. 26 00:01:30,591 --> 00:01:32,158 You don't put it in now! 27 00:01:32,192 --> 00:01:34,460 It's gonna melt before Balki gets here. 28 00:01:34,494 --> 00:01:36,863 Well, you‐you're putting the soda in! 29 00:01:36,897 --> 00:01:38,532 Soda doesn't melt. 30 00:01:38,565 --> 00:01:40,601 Don't you know anything about making punch? 31 00:01:40,634 --> 00:01:42,769 Hello, I can make a punch! 32 00:01:45,606 --> 00:01:48,709 M‐maybe, I should have gone down to the school with Balki. 33 00:01:48,742 --> 00:01:50,844 Uh, he was so nervous. 34 00:01:50,877 --> 00:01:53,346 Larry, you can't take his entrance exam for him. 35 00:01:53,379 --> 00:01:55,215 It's just one of those things has to do on his own. 36 00:01:55,248 --> 00:01:58,685 But getting into college is so important to Balki. 37 00:02:01,187 --> 00:02:03,223 Gosh! Balki going to college? 38 00:02:03,256 --> 00:02:05,926 It seems like he just graduated from high school. 39 00:02:05,959 --> 00:02:08,361 He did just graduate from high school. 40 00:02:09,329 --> 00:02:10,564 Oh, right. 41 00:02:12,633 --> 00:02:15,569 You know, I don't know what the big deal is about college? 42 00:02:15,602 --> 00:02:17,437 I went to college and other than learning 43 00:02:17,470 --> 00:02:19,873 how complex hydrocarbons are broken down to make glyceride 44 00:02:19,906 --> 00:02:21,642 I didn't get anything out of it. 45 00:02:25,411 --> 00:02:28,549 Alright, Balki going to college. 46 00:02:28,582 --> 00:02:32,385 Duh, I can't believe he's come so far so fast. 47 00:02:32,418 --> 00:02:34,387 And if you had seen him when he first walked through my door 48 00:02:34,420 --> 00:02:36,623 you‐you wouldn't have thought he was college material. 49 00:02:40,694 --> 00:02:43,564 Am I looking up Larry Appleton? 50 00:02:43,597 --> 00:02:45,899 Larry Appleton. That's me. 51 00:02:45,932 --> 00:02:49,335 Larry, Larry, Larry! 52 00:02:49,369 --> 00:02:51,204 I look everywhere for you! 53 00:02:51,237 --> 00:02:53,840 I walked the streets, I searched the alleys. 54 00:02:53,874 --> 00:02:56,843 I say to everyone, "Have you seen Larry?" 55 00:02:56,877 --> 00:02:59,913 You don't know how many people have never heard of you! 56 00:03:01,748 --> 00:03:03,584 But now I find you 57 00:03:03,617 --> 00:03:05,586 and I'm safe, I'm safe! 58 00:03:05,619 --> 00:03:08,555 Yes, yes, now you're safe. 59 00:03:09,523 --> 00:03:11,491 Who are you? 60 00:03:11,525 --> 00:03:13,827 I'm Balki Bartokomous. 61 00:03:13,860 --> 00:03:16,429 Philo, my fifth cousin, three times removed 62 00:03:16,462 --> 00:03:18,865 is a step‐uncle to your father on my mother's side 63 00:03:18,899 --> 00:03:20,534 two continents removed. 64 00:03:20,567 --> 00:03:22,736 I see, so we're sort of related by rumor. 65 00:03:26,472 --> 00:03:28,709 [sighs] America. 66 00:03:29,843 --> 00:03:32,445 Land of my dreams.. 67 00:03:32,478 --> 00:03:34,347 ...home of the whopper. 68 00:03:38,051 --> 00:03:40,621 You mean, that's why you two got to be roommates? 69 00:03:40,654 --> 00:03:41,988 Balki just showed up on your doorstep one day? 70 00:03:42,022 --> 00:03:43,423 Yeah. 71 00:03:43,456 --> 00:03:46,026 He was a real babe in the woods. 72 00:03:46,059 --> 00:03:47,528 Yeah, if I hadn't taken him under my wing 73 00:03:47,561 --> 00:03:48,762 there's‐there's no telling 74 00:03:48,795 --> 00:03:51,364 what would've happened to him. 75 00:03:51,397 --> 00:03:53,834 He had no experience with women. 76 00:03:53,867 --> 00:03:55,636 I had to teach him everything. 77 00:03:57,403 --> 00:03:58,739 You know, Balki told me about the time 78 00:03:58,772 --> 00:04:00,741 you took him to that singles bar.. 79 00:04:01,908 --> 00:04:02,843 He did? 80 00:04:04,645 --> 00:04:06,046 Uh, the way Balki tells it 81 00:04:06,079 --> 00:04:09,315 you were both babes in the woods. 82 00:04:09,349 --> 00:04:11,985 So Larry took Balki to a singles bar to meet women.. 83 00:04:13,787 --> 00:04:16,723 [instrumental music] 84 00:04:24,430 --> 00:04:26,567 So, this is one of your American mating places? 85 00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:29,435 Meeting. A meeting place. 86 00:04:29,469 --> 00:04:31,437 People meet each other here. 87 00:04:31,471 --> 00:04:33,039 They mate somewhere else. 88 00:04:35,041 --> 00:04:36,710 Go slow. Take it easy. 89 00:04:36,743 --> 00:04:37,644 Be cool. 90 00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:40,881 I know how to be cool. 91 00:04:46,653 --> 00:04:49,990 Hey, mama, you be getting down with you bad self. 92 00:04:51,592 --> 00:04:53,026 What are you doing? 93 00:04:56,029 --> 00:04:57,397 Alright, let's get this over with 94 00:04:57,430 --> 00:04:58,464 so I can go home. 95 00:05:00,801 --> 00:05:03,637 Now, the first thing is what we call eye contact. 96 00:05:03,670 --> 00:05:04,705 Eye contact. 97 00:05:04,738 --> 00:05:06,039 Like the three stooges? 98 00:05:06,072 --> 00:05:08,509 Ay‐na‐nay, pook. 99 00:05:11,077 --> 00:05:14,380 ‐ Alright, I'm going, I'm out‐‐ ‐ No, no, cousin, cousin. 100 00:05:14,414 --> 00:05:16,416 Okay. Okay. 101 00:05:16,449 --> 00:05:19,319 Look, for safety's sake, we had better define eye contact. 102 00:05:20,053 --> 00:05:21,922 You look, look 103 00:05:21,955 --> 00:05:24,490 into a woman's eyes from across the room 104 00:05:24,525 --> 00:05:26,927 and if she looks back, you know, and you kind of hold the look 105 00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:28,729 that's eye contact. 106 00:05:30,864 --> 00:05:32,833 Like that woman is looking at you? 107 00:05:34,535 --> 00:05:35,736 What woman? 108 00:05:39,105 --> 00:05:40,874 Don't point. 109 00:05:51,417 --> 00:05:54,420 After you've made, uh, eye contact.. 110 00:05:54,454 --> 00:05:55,922 ...you work your way over to the woman 111 00:05:55,956 --> 00:05:58,792 and, uh, use your opening line. 112 00:05:58,825 --> 00:06:00,561 Something like, uh 113 00:06:00,594 --> 00:06:02,128 "You come here often?" 114 00:06:02,162 --> 00:06:03,897 "Can I buy you a drink?" 115 00:06:03,930 --> 00:06:06,533 "Didn't we meet in the Oval Office?" 116 00:06:06,567 --> 00:06:07,801 Things like that. 117 00:06:08,869 --> 00:06:11,938 ‐ Can I try it? ‐ Oh...okay. 118 00:06:25,819 --> 00:06:28,555 I have made eye contact. 119 00:06:28,589 --> 00:06:30,591 Oh, boy. 120 00:06:30,624 --> 00:06:32,859 ‐ Can I try my opening line? ‐ Alright, go ahead. 121 00:06:32,893 --> 00:06:35,662 Just, uh, don't tell her you know me. 122 00:06:42,936 --> 00:06:43,870 Hello. 123 00:06:45,539 --> 00:06:47,674 Do you come here often? 124 00:06:47,708 --> 00:06:49,510 No. 125 00:06:49,543 --> 00:06:50,711 Would you smother me 126 00:06:50,744 --> 00:06:52,846 with your beautiful American body? 127 00:06:55,716 --> 00:06:56,817 Excuse us. 128 00:07:02,122 --> 00:07:03,657 You were one step away from throwing yourself 129 00:07:03,690 --> 00:07:05,425 at that woman's feet, weren't you? 130 00:07:06,492 --> 00:07:08,695 Old habits die hard. 131 00:07:10,664 --> 00:07:11,898 Why don't you show me, Cousin Larry? 132 00:07:11,932 --> 00:07:13,700 You're the expert. 133 00:07:13,734 --> 00:07:15,802 Look, look, I‐I just don't like these places. 134 00:07:15,836 --> 00:07:16,803 And besides, I'm.. 135 00:07:16,837 --> 00:07:19,673 ...I'm more of a kind of, uh, talking expert 136 00:07:19,706 --> 00:07:21,074 than a, uh.. 137 00:07:21,107 --> 00:07:23,877 Uh...I really don't wanna meet anyone. 138 00:07:27,013 --> 00:07:28,715 That woman is still looking at you. 139 00:07:28,749 --> 00:07:29,683 She is? 140 00:07:32,118 --> 00:07:33,687 Yes, she is. 141 00:07:37,223 --> 00:07:38,792 Oh, my God, she is. 142 00:07:38,825 --> 00:07:40,861 Go ahead and get her, you love‐devil. 143 00:07:43,029 --> 00:07:45,031 Alright...but this is a little faster 144 00:07:45,065 --> 00:07:47,634 than I usually like to operate. 145 00:07:47,668 --> 00:07:49,235 I'm only doing this for you. 146 00:08:06,086 --> 00:08:06,853 So.. 147 00:08:06,887 --> 00:08:09,523 Hey, pal, that's my girlfriend! 148 00:08:10,557 --> 00:08:11,725 Balki.. 149 00:08:11,758 --> 00:08:12,926 'Balki.' 150 00:08:12,959 --> 00:08:13,894 Balki.. 151 00:08:15,662 --> 00:08:18,799 [laughing] 152 00:08:18,832 --> 00:08:20,734 I wish, I wish I could've seen that. 153 00:08:20,767 --> 00:08:22,703 I'm a sucker for a cheap laugh. 154 00:08:25,572 --> 00:08:28,074 Uh, you know, I‐I don't mean to split hairs here 155 00:08:28,108 --> 00:08:30,276 but, uh, that is 156 00:08:30,310 --> 00:08:32,813 not at all the way I remember it. 157 00:08:32,846 --> 00:08:34,881 Well, did the guy beat you up or not? 158 00:08:36,249 --> 00:08:37,784 Well.. 159 00:08:37,818 --> 00:08:38,952 Uh.. 160 00:08:38,985 --> 00:08:41,988 "Beat up" is such a strong term. 161 00:08:43,657 --> 00:08:45,125 Sounds like he got his butt kicked. 162 00:08:45,158 --> 00:08:46,893 [laughs] 163 00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:51,765 Look, there have been countless times 164 00:08:51,798 --> 00:08:53,266 th‐that Balki has needed me 165 00:08:53,299 --> 00:08:55,969 and I have been there for him. 166 00:08:56,002 --> 00:08:58,204 I mean, for instance, the time he invited his friend Gina 167 00:08:58,238 --> 00:09:01,642 to‐to stay with us while her husband was out of town‐‐ 168 00:09:01,675 --> 00:09:03,209 Gina, i‐isn't she the one who had her baby 169 00:09:03,243 --> 00:09:04,611 while she was staying with you? 170 00:09:04,645 --> 00:09:07,614 Yes, in the middle of the night. 171 00:09:07,648 --> 00:09:10,751 And if I had not been there with one of my foolproof plans 172 00:09:10,784 --> 00:09:12,786 well, there is no telling what would've happened. 173 00:09:12,819 --> 00:09:15,055 Oh, that's interesting. 174 00:09:15,088 --> 00:09:16,823 Uh, the way I heard it 175 00:09:16,857 --> 00:09:18,692 your plan sort of fell apart! 176 00:09:18,725 --> 00:09:20,026 Well.. 177 00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:21,928 Larry had rehearsed everything 178 00:09:21,962 --> 00:09:23,564 using a stopwatch, so.. 179 00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:28,268 Balki, it's time. 180 00:09:28,301 --> 00:09:30,937 ‐ Gina? It's time? ‐ Yes. 181 00:09:30,971 --> 00:09:33,707 Ah, Gina, how exciting! 182 00:09:33,740 --> 00:09:36,009 ‐ Little baby. ‐ Mm. 183 00:09:36,042 --> 00:09:37,744 Why is the light on? 184 00:09:37,778 --> 00:09:40,046 The‐the baby's coming, Larry. 185 00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:41,748 What baby? 186 00:09:41,782 --> 00:09:43,784 Who are you? 187 00:09:43,817 --> 00:09:45,752 Why am I holding a sheep? 188 00:09:47,287 --> 00:09:49,690 He doesn't wake up well. 189 00:09:49,723 --> 00:09:51,892 Cousin, it's Gina. Remember the plan? 190 00:09:54,360 --> 00:09:56,296 The plan? Yes. Of course, I remember the plan. 191 00:09:56,329 --> 00:09:58,298 It's my plan. Alright. 192 00:09:58,331 --> 00:10:01,067 No need to worry. First babies take a long time. 193 00:10:01,101 --> 00:10:03,670 Oh, well, Larry, I've been in labor a long time. 194 00:10:03,704 --> 00:10:04,705 Why didn't you tell us? 195 00:10:04,738 --> 00:10:05,772 Well, I didn't wanna bother you. 196 00:10:05,806 --> 00:10:07,774 You were up so late. 197 00:10:07,808 --> 00:10:09,843 Alright. Don't panic! 198 00:10:11,277 --> 00:10:12,613 Go! 199 00:10:17,884 --> 00:10:19,786 ‐ Are you alright? ‐ Yes. Yes, I'm okay. 200 00:10:19,820 --> 00:10:21,688 ‐ What are you doing? ‐ Calling the hospital. 201 00:10:21,722 --> 00:10:23,323 Ca‐calling the hospital is my job. 202 00:10:23,356 --> 00:10:25,759 ‐ You get the suitcase! ‐ But.. 203 00:10:25,792 --> 00:10:27,327 I‐I called the hospital last time. 204 00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:28,428 Look, I gave you a chance to prove 205 00:10:28,461 --> 00:10:30,196 you're a good communicator, and what did you say? 206 00:10:30,230 --> 00:10:32,065 "Hello, hospital? Baby is coming." 207 00:10:32,098 --> 00:10:34,200 Cavemen are more articulate! 208 00:10:34,234 --> 00:10:35,669 Could you please hurry? 209 00:10:35,702 --> 00:10:36,937 Oh! 210 00:10:36,970 --> 00:10:38,905 Hello, hospital? The baby is coming. 211 00:10:41,307 --> 00:10:42,976 Brilliant! 212 00:10:43,009 --> 00:10:44,778 ‐ I forgot to tell who‐‐ ‐ Oh, L‐Larry, there's no time. 213 00:10:44,811 --> 00:10:46,146 We get to the hospital 214 00:10:46,179 --> 00:10:47,280 they'll probably figure out why I'm there. 215 00:10:47,313 --> 00:10:49,415 Good‐good thinking. Okay. Alright. 216 00:10:49,449 --> 00:10:52,886 No need to panic. Everything is under control. 217 00:10:52,919 --> 00:10:55,188 Alright, I get the note 218 00:10:55,221 --> 00:10:57,991 and we are gone.. 219 00:10:58,024 --> 00:10:58,959 Yes! 220 00:11:04,064 --> 00:11:05,866 My keys. My keys. Where are my keys? 221 00:11:05,899 --> 00:11:06,833 ‐ They're in your pants. ‐ Where are my pants? 222 00:11:06,867 --> 00:11:08,802 ‐ Where are my pants? ‐ They're in the closet. 223 00:11:08,835 --> 00:11:11,204 Where is the closet? Where is the closet? 224 00:11:11,237 --> 00:11:12,773 ‐ Cousin.. ‐ Look, look. 225 00:11:12,806 --> 00:11:14,941 We can't get to the hospital without my keys. 226 00:11:14,975 --> 00:11:16,409 ‐ 'Cousin‐‐' ‐ Don't cousin me now. 227 00:11:16,442 --> 00:11:18,311 Look, look, I don't have my keys. 228 00:11:18,344 --> 00:11:19,379 I don't have my pants. 229 00:11:19,412 --> 00:11:20,981 I can't do this! 230 00:11:21,014 --> 00:11:23,083 She'll just have to have the baby at some other time! 231 00:11:23,116 --> 00:11:25,351 Why don't you help me? 232 00:11:25,385 --> 00:11:26,787 [panting] 233 00:11:29,222 --> 00:11:31,057 Oh. Oh, I see. 234 00:11:31,091 --> 00:11:33,894 You're trying to make me look bad in front of Gina. 235 00:11:33,927 --> 00:11:35,962 Where is Gina? Where is the mother? 236 00:11:35,996 --> 00:11:37,798 We can't do this without the mother! 237 00:11:37,831 --> 00:11:39,132 [panting] 238 00:11:39,165 --> 00:11:40,734 Cousin. 239 00:11:40,767 --> 00:11:42,803 Someday you'll forgive me for this. 240 00:11:49,275 --> 00:11:52,145 Feel better? 241 00:11:52,178 --> 00:11:53,914 No. 242 00:11:55,782 --> 00:11:57,518 Can we go have a baby now? 243 00:11:57,551 --> 00:11:59,152 Okay. 244 00:11:59,185 --> 00:12:00,887 I'll follow you. 245 00:12:00,921 --> 00:12:03,456 Where're you going? 246 00:12:03,489 --> 00:12:05,491 ‐ To the hospital. ‐ Right, yes. 247 00:12:05,526 --> 00:12:07,994 Gina, there you are. Thank God! 248 00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:16,069 [instrumental music] 249 00:12:24,545 --> 00:12:26,479 You know, I'm a little worried about Balki. 250 00:12:26,513 --> 00:12:29,382 Shouldn't he be finished with his exam by now? 251 00:12:29,415 --> 00:12:31,417 What if he sat down 252 00:12:31,451 --> 00:12:34,788 to take the test and froze up? 253 00:12:34,821 --> 00:12:37,190 I mean, what‐what‐what if his mind went blank 254 00:12:37,223 --> 00:12:39,025 and he couldn't remember a thing? 255 00:12:40,493 --> 00:12:41,394 What‐what‐what if he got dizzy 256 00:12:41,427 --> 00:12:44,464 and, and the room started spinning and.. 257 00:12:44,497 --> 00:12:48,034 ...and he started hyperventilating.. 258 00:12:48,068 --> 00:12:49,435 You mean, like what happens to you 259 00:12:49,469 --> 00:12:51,404 when you sit down to write your advice column? 260 00:12:53,940 --> 00:12:55,576 Alright. 261 00:12:55,609 --> 00:12:58,311 Alright. I'm just not gonna talk anymore. 262 00:12:58,344 --> 00:13:00,080 That way no one can make fun of me. 263 00:13:05,886 --> 00:13:08,555 Ladies, ladies, we're‐we're all a little edgy 264 00:13:08,589 --> 00:13:11,892 because we're worried about Balki. 265 00:13:11,925 --> 00:13:13,960 Oh, but maybe I should have gone down there with him. 266 00:13:13,994 --> 00:13:15,529 He always needs me to get through 267 00:13:15,562 --> 00:13:17,898 these pressure situations. 268 00:13:17,931 --> 00:13:19,065 You know, if I wasn't there to help him 269 00:13:19,099 --> 00:13:21,134 he wouldn't have gotten through his first day of work. 270 00:13:21,167 --> 00:13:23,336 Wait a minute. I was there. 271 00:13:23,369 --> 00:13:25,371 And I wouldn't call what you did help. 272 00:13:25,405 --> 00:13:28,008 Now Gorpley was looking for a reason to fire Balki. 273 00:13:28,041 --> 00:13:29,543 And Larry was trying to write his first article 274 00:13:29,576 --> 00:13:31,311 for the newspaper, when all of a sudden.. 275 00:13:33,213 --> 00:13:35,248 ‐ You've finished? ‐ Yes, yes, yes. 276 00:13:35,281 --> 00:13:37,317 I'm finished. 277 00:13:37,350 --> 00:13:38,585 This is all of 'em? 278 00:13:38,619 --> 00:13:40,086 Yes. I'm sorry it take so long. 279 00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:42,422 But I‐I thought that I would alphabeticalize them. 280 00:13:44,591 --> 00:13:46,226 Is that okay? 281 00:13:46,259 --> 00:13:47,260 You think you're pretty smart, don't you? 282 00:13:47,293 --> 00:13:49,362 Well, I'm no Sam Donaldson, but.. 283 00:13:51,565 --> 00:13:53,867 We'll see how smart you are. 284 00:13:53,900 --> 00:13:55,602 I need 100 copies of this flyer. 285 00:13:55,636 --> 00:13:57,437 You've got ten minutes. 286 00:13:57,470 --> 00:14:00,340 Oh, but guess what? The copy machine is broke. 287 00:14:00,373 --> 00:14:02,308 Hey, relax, I'm looking out for you. 288 00:14:04,277 --> 00:14:06,212 You can use the mimeograph machine. 289 00:14:06,246 --> 00:14:08,381 See, I even got your stencil. All ready to go. 290 00:14:09,182 --> 00:14:10,951 Ten minutes, Bartokomous. 291 00:14:10,984 --> 00:14:12,252 Now, if you can't do the job.. 292 00:14:12,285 --> 00:14:14,320 ...I know someone who can. 293 00:14:21,261 --> 00:14:22,428 Balki, you need help with the mimeograph machine? 294 00:14:22,462 --> 00:14:24,430 ‐ Oh, no, no, cousin. ‐ Good. 295 00:14:24,464 --> 00:14:26,667 Just...point it out to me. 296 00:14:26,700 --> 00:14:28,935 Oh. 297 00:14:28,969 --> 00:14:30,070 Back here, look here. 298 00:14:30,103 --> 00:14:32,038 Just wheel it out to your table 299 00:14:32,072 --> 00:14:33,373 and I'll plug it in. 300 00:14:35,976 --> 00:14:36,910 Alright. 301 00:14:44,217 --> 00:14:46,119 ‐ 'Alright, get the stencil!' ‐ Okay. 302 00:14:47,153 --> 00:14:48,989 Okay, get the paper. 303 00:14:49,022 --> 00:14:50,323 Paper. 304 00:14:52,158 --> 00:14:54,360 ‐ Paper. ‐ Okay. Stencil's on. 305 00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:56,462 Paper goes in here 306 00:14:56,496 --> 00:14:58,164 and turn it on here. 307 00:14:58,198 --> 00:14:59,566 ‐ Get it? ‐ Got it. 308 00:14:59,600 --> 00:15:00,667 Good. 309 00:15:11,244 --> 00:15:13,313 ‐ How's it going, Balki? ‐ Oh, it's going fine! 310 00:15:13,346 --> 00:15:14,515 Just, just dandy. 311 00:15:14,548 --> 00:15:16,617 You just finish your article. 312 00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:21,955 ‐ Balki. ‐ No, no. No problem. 313 00:15:21,988 --> 00:15:23,156 No problem, cousin. 314 00:15:24,725 --> 00:15:26,560 ‐ Appleby? ‐ Uh, yes, sir. 315 00:15:26,593 --> 00:15:28,529 I need that article in five minutes. 316 00:15:28,562 --> 00:15:31,331 Yes, sir. Appleton, sir, Appleton. 317 00:15:35,135 --> 00:15:36,236 ‐ Alright. ‐ Cousin, no! 318 00:15:36,269 --> 00:15:37,571 You have to do your article. 319 00:15:37,604 --> 00:15:39,706 Balki, look, I can do this in just a‐‐ 320 00:15:39,740 --> 00:15:43,243 Cousin, you only have five minutes and you just‐‐ 321 00:15:43,276 --> 00:15:45,078 I'll‐I'll just take a look at this here. 322 00:15:45,111 --> 00:15:47,280 Alright, look, see, here's the problem. 323 00:15:47,313 --> 00:15:49,583 You got all these papers jammed under the drum, here. 324 00:15:49,616 --> 00:15:52,018 Alright. 325 00:15:52,052 --> 00:15:53,253 Oh, alright. Oops! 326 00:15:53,286 --> 00:15:54,454 Get the basket! 327 00:15:54,487 --> 00:15:55,722 ‐ The basket? ‐ The paper basket! 328 00:15:55,756 --> 00:15:56,690 The paper basket. 329 00:15:58,692 --> 00:15:59,693 'I got it.' 330 00:15:59,726 --> 00:16:02,729 ‐ Ooh! Balki! ‐ Cousin! Cousin! 331 00:16:03,597 --> 00:16:04,998 It's alive! 332 00:16:05,031 --> 00:16:06,733 And it's hungry! 333 00:16:06,767 --> 00:16:08,334 Turn it off! Turn it off! 334 00:16:09,202 --> 00:16:10,971 It, it...I can't! 335 00:16:11,738 --> 00:16:13,239 [groaning] 336 00:16:13,273 --> 00:16:15,475 [whirring] 337 00:16:15,509 --> 00:16:17,443 [groaning] 338 00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:19,212 ‐ Balki, Balki! ‐ What? 339 00:16:19,245 --> 00:16:20,681 The plug, the plug, the plug. 340 00:16:20,714 --> 00:16:23,116 ‐ The plug? ‐ The plug. The plug, Balki. 341 00:16:23,149 --> 00:16:24,317 The plug! 342 00:16:29,690 --> 00:16:30,757 Ow. Ow. 343 00:16:32,826 --> 00:16:35,328 ‐ I did it! ‐ Oh! 344 00:16:35,361 --> 00:16:37,363 Appleman, where is the story? 345 00:16:37,397 --> 00:16:38,732 Mr. Burns, something came up 346 00:16:38,765 --> 00:16:41,535 and I still have a bit of polishing to do. 347 00:16:41,568 --> 00:16:44,070 This is‐this is news, not silverware. 348 00:16:44,104 --> 00:16:45,205 I need a story! 349 00:16:45,238 --> 00:16:46,573 Mr. Burns, it was my fault. 350 00:16:46,607 --> 00:16:48,809 I accidentally threw his article away. 351 00:16:48,842 --> 00:16:50,310 But I just found it. 352 00:16:50,343 --> 00:16:51,377 Well, actually, that's not the final 353 00:16:51,411 --> 00:16:52,813 final version. 354 00:16:52,846 --> 00:16:54,615 ‐ If I could just have a.. ‐ It's pretty good. 355 00:16:54,648 --> 00:16:56,550 Well, Mr. Burns, if I could only.. Pretty good? 356 00:16:56,583 --> 00:16:58,318 I'd say, for your first assignment 357 00:16:58,351 --> 00:16:59,620 it's pretty good. 358 00:17:01,555 --> 00:17:04,525 See you on Monday, Appleton. 359 00:17:04,558 --> 00:17:05,458 Then maybe you can explain to me 360 00:17:05,491 --> 00:17:08,128 why you were trying to mimeograph your tie! 361 00:17:09,796 --> 00:17:11,164 [laughing] 362 00:17:11,197 --> 00:17:12,699 Okay. Okay, alright. 363 00:17:12,733 --> 00:17:14,701 That particular time 364 00:17:14,735 --> 00:17:18,338 Balki was more help to me than I was to him. 365 00:17:18,371 --> 00:17:20,206 But that was an exception. 366 00:17:20,240 --> 00:17:21,642 I mean, more often than not 367 00:17:21,675 --> 00:17:23,209 he wouldn't know what to do 368 00:17:23,243 --> 00:17:25,612 unless I led him by the hand. 369 00:17:25,646 --> 00:17:28,849 Come on, you guys know that! 370 00:17:28,882 --> 00:17:31,417 I mean, why do I feel like I'm defending myself? 371 00:17:31,451 --> 00:17:33,554 I think of all the times 372 00:17:33,587 --> 00:17:35,255 that if I wasn't there 373 00:17:35,288 --> 00:17:38,358 he wouldn't know what to do. 374 00:17:45,165 --> 00:17:46,199 Jennifer, you can think of something. 375 00:17:46,232 --> 00:17:48,434 Oh, of course I can. 376 00:17:52,205 --> 00:17:54,274 ‐ Harriette? ‐ I got nothin', baby. 377 00:17:55,475 --> 00:17:58,178 ‐ Lydia? ‐ I'm not saying anything. 378 00:17:58,211 --> 00:18:00,213 I don't want to open myself to insults. 379 00:18:03,249 --> 00:18:06,119 ‐ I've got one. ‐ Yeah, there. You see? 380 00:18:06,152 --> 00:18:09,523 I remember the time you taught Balki all about plumbing? 381 00:18:09,556 --> 00:18:11,491 'You see, Jennifer and I were out of town' 382 00:18:11,525 --> 00:18:13,560 and Larry offered to fix our shower. 383 00:18:13,594 --> 00:18:15,328 And so he and Balki went up there while we were.. 384 00:18:16,196 --> 00:18:17,598 Boy, cousin. 385 00:18:17,631 --> 00:18:20,200 This place looks like the Ty‐D‐Bol Man man went berserk. 386 00:18:21,802 --> 00:18:22,836 If you want to make an omelet 387 00:18:22,869 --> 00:18:25,171 you've got to break some eggs. 388 00:18:26,907 --> 00:18:28,441 A few cans of spackle 389 00:18:28,474 --> 00:18:30,677 and they'll never know we've been here. 390 00:18:35,448 --> 00:18:39,119 Boy, this spackle must be amazing stuff. 391 00:18:41,254 --> 00:18:42,322 Yes, it is. 392 00:18:44,858 --> 00:18:47,460 Now, what do you say we button this job up? 393 00:18:47,493 --> 00:18:49,229 Jennifer and Mary Anne will be back tonight. 394 00:18:56,436 --> 00:18:57,771 Cousin.. 395 00:18:57,804 --> 00:18:59,740 ...where does this go? 396 00:19:18,592 --> 00:19:20,226 Trash. 397 00:19:26,499 --> 00:19:28,769 Well, I think we're ready to test this baby. 398 00:19:36,409 --> 00:19:38,645 [air howling] 399 00:19:40,313 --> 00:19:42,649 [shattering] 400 00:19:58,865 --> 00:20:00,534 It's broken. 401 00:20:00,567 --> 00:20:02,268 No! 402 00:20:08,709 --> 00:20:10,644 [groaning] 403 00:20:11,978 --> 00:20:13,914 [sputtering] 404 00:20:16,617 --> 00:20:18,351 [splashing] 405 00:20:20,821 --> 00:20:23,256 Well, do something! 406 00:20:27,928 --> 00:20:29,362 [grunting] 407 00:20:34,801 --> 00:20:35,936 [sputtering] 408 00:20:39,940 --> 00:20:42,308 Don't look at me! 409 00:20:43,844 --> 00:20:45,879 Find the cut‐off valve! 410 00:20:45,912 --> 00:20:47,581 I think it's underneath the sink! 411 00:20:47,614 --> 00:20:49,950 ‐ Then turn it off! ‐ But I can't‐‐ 412 00:20:49,983 --> 00:20:51,518 Turn it off! 413 00:20:51,552 --> 00:20:54,755 Cousin, I can't! My fingers are stuck. 414 00:20:54,788 --> 00:20:56,322 Go on without me, cousin. 415 00:20:56,356 --> 00:20:57,658 [sobbing] Save yourself! 416 00:20:59,492 --> 00:21:00,561 Aah! 417 00:21:03,396 --> 00:21:05,331 [groaning] 418 00:21:17,377 --> 00:21:18,044 Balki, get up! 419 00:21:20,914 --> 00:21:22,348 [splashing] 420 00:21:25,719 --> 00:21:27,453 [indistinct yelling] 421 00:21:36,530 --> 00:21:38,064 [panting] 422 00:21:40,734 --> 00:21:42,703 [sobbing] 423 00:21:42,736 --> 00:21:45,471 [water gurgling] 424 00:21:51,612 --> 00:21:52,813 Well.. 425 00:21:56,983 --> 00:21:59,686 Maybe that wasn't a good example. 426 00:21:59,720 --> 00:22:01,722 I guess I'm wrong. 427 00:22:01,755 --> 00:22:05,626 I haven't been helping Balki. 428 00:22:05,659 --> 00:22:07,393 I've been holding him back. 429 00:22:08,795 --> 00:22:09,830 Oh, my God! 430 00:22:11,598 --> 00:22:13,099 I helped him study for his entrance exam. 431 00:22:14,835 --> 00:22:16,603 He probably went down there and failed 432 00:22:16,637 --> 00:22:18,038 all because of me. 433 00:22:19,806 --> 00:22:21,542 I should get out of his life. 434 00:22:22,876 --> 00:22:24,978 Look at me! I'm a college man! 435 00:22:26,046 --> 00:22:28,815 Balki, you did it! 436 00:22:28,849 --> 00:22:30,116 Alright, alright. 437 00:22:30,150 --> 00:22:31,417 ♪ For he's a jolly good ♪ 438 00:22:31,451 --> 00:22:33,119 No, no. Wait, wait, wait. 439 00:22:33,153 --> 00:22:35,956 Wait, before you sing "For He's a Jolly Good Felon" 440 00:22:35,989 --> 00:22:37,490 there's something I want to say. 441 00:22:37,524 --> 00:22:39,392 Like so many other things that have happened to me 442 00:22:39,425 --> 00:22:41,161 since I come to this country 443 00:22:41,194 --> 00:22:43,463 I couldn't have done this without my Cousin Larry. 444 00:22:45,431 --> 00:22:47,568 ‐ Really? ‐ Well, yes! 445 00:22:47,601 --> 00:22:48,702 Did you hear that? 446 00:22:48,735 --> 00:22:50,470 He couldn't have done it without me. 447 00:22:52,005 --> 00:22:54,508 What was it? The coaching I gave you on language section? 448 00:22:54,541 --> 00:22:56,777 Or the work I did with you on the math drills? 449 00:22:56,810 --> 00:22:58,512 O‐or the mnemonic coding 450 00:22:58,545 --> 00:22:59,680 I gave you to remember the history dates? 451 00:22:59,713 --> 00:23:00,847 Well, those were all great 452 00:23:00,881 --> 00:23:02,415 but I was referring to the fact 453 00:23:02,448 --> 00:23:04,050 that you loaned me your pencil. 454 00:23:05,919 --> 00:23:08,589 Oh, come on, cousin, I‐I'm‐I'm just kidding. 455 00:23:08,622 --> 00:23:11,491 That's‐that's college humor. 456 00:23:11,525 --> 00:23:12,425 Cousin, what do you say? 457 00:23:12,458 --> 00:23:14,761 Now we're so happy, we do the dance of joy! 458 00:23:15,929 --> 00:23:17,497 ♪ Di di di di ♪ 459 00:23:17,531 --> 00:23:18,899 ♪ Di di di di di ♪ 460 00:23:18,932 --> 00:23:20,066 ♪ Hey hey hey hey ♪ 461 00:23:20,100 --> 00:23:21,802 ♪ Hey hey hey ♪ 462 00:23:21,835 --> 00:23:22,903 (all) Yay! 463 00:23:24,104 --> 00:23:27,007 [instrumental music] 464 00:23:30,611 --> 00:23:33,146 [instrumental music] 465 00:23:47,528 --> 00:23:50,063 [music continues]