1 00:00:02,066 --> 00:00:02,600 [David Pomeranz performing "Nothing's Gonna Stop Me Now"] 2 00:00:11,400 --> 00:00:14,766 ♪ Sometimes the world looks perfect ♪ 3 00:00:14,800 --> 00:00:17,433 ♪ Nothing to rearrange ♪ 4 00:00:17,466 --> 00:00:20,500 ♪ Sometimes you just get a feeling ♪ 5 00:00:20,533 --> 00:00:24,700 ♪ Like you need some kind of change ♪ 6 00:00:24,733 --> 00:00:28,566 ♪ No matter what the odds are this time ♪ 7 00:00:28,600 --> 00:00:30,566 ♪ Nothing's gonna stand in my way ♪ 8 00:00:30,600 --> 00:00:32,466 ♪ This flame in my heart ♪ 9 00:00:32,500 --> 00:00:34,133 ♪ Like a long lost friend ♪ 10 00:00:34,166 --> 00:00:39,366 ♪ Gives every dark street a light at the end ♪ 11 00:00:39,400 --> 00:00:42,400 ♪ Standing tall ♪ 12 00:00:42,433 --> 00:00:46,300 ♪ On the wings of my dream ♪ 13 00:00:46,333 --> 00:00:49,066 ♪ Rise and fall ♪ 14 00:00:49,100 --> 00:00:53,033 ♪ On the wings of my dream ♪ 15 00:00:53,066 --> 00:00:56,066 ♪ Through the rain and thunder the wind and haze ♪ 16 00:00:56,100 --> 00:00:59,500 ♪ I'm bound for better days ♪ 17 00:00:59,533 --> 00:01:02,800 ♪ It's my life and my dream ♪ 18 00:01:02,833 --> 00:01:06,133 ♪ And nothing's gonna stop me now ♪ 19 00:01:15,700 --> 00:01:17,600 [instrumental music] 20 00:01:25,566 --> 00:01:28,166 ‐ Mind if I use your phone? ‐ Don't touch that phone. 21 00:01:28,200 --> 00:01:29,466 You wanna rephrase that, baby? 22 00:01:31,266 --> 00:01:33,066 I'm sorry, Harriette, I‐I‐I just mean 23 00:01:33,100 --> 00:01:35,233 I am expecting a very important phone call. 24 00:01:35,266 --> 00:01:38,333 Cousin Larry is on the verge of a very big perversion. 25 00:01:41,200 --> 00:01:44,300 Promotion. Very big promotion. 26 00:01:44,333 --> 00:01:47,333 And I‐I really can't talk about it. It's very hush hush. 27 00:01:47,366 --> 00:01:49,700 Oh, is that the job on the investigative reporting team 28 00:01:49,733 --> 00:01:51,466 working with Marshall and Walpole? 29 00:01:54,066 --> 00:01:56,766 ‐ How did you know? ‐ People talk in elevators. 30 00:01:56,800 --> 00:02:00,766 ‐ I listen. ‐ Cousin, there's an idea. 31 00:02:00,800 --> 00:02:03,600 You should wait in the elevator. That's where all the news is. 32 00:02:05,566 --> 00:02:06,633 Well, I hope you get your call soon. 33 00:02:06,666 --> 00:02:08,433 I've got to call the phone company. 34 00:02:08,466 --> 00:02:10,133 You know we moved into your building three days ago 35 00:02:10,166 --> 00:02:11,333 and still haven't gotten our phone hooked up. 36 00:02:11,366 --> 00:02:12,566 Really? 37 00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:14,333 My son is going through phone withdrawal. 38 00:02:14,366 --> 00:02:15,433 [telephone ringing] 39 00:02:17,633 --> 00:02:19,733 Hello. Hello. Yes. Yes. 40 00:02:19,766 --> 00:02:22,166 He's standing right here. I'm his cousin. 41 00:02:22,200 --> 00:02:24,133 He's my cousin. Oh! 42 00:02:24,166 --> 00:02:25,200 Appleton. 43 00:02:25,233 --> 00:02:26,466 Yes. 44 00:02:26,500 --> 00:02:27,800 Yes. 45 00:02:27,833 --> 00:02:28,800 Yes! 46 00:02:28,833 --> 00:02:30,566 That was Marshall and Walpole. 47 00:02:30,600 --> 00:02:32,066 They wanna see me upstairs right away. 48 00:02:32,100 --> 00:02:33,566 ‐ Oh! ‐ You know what that means? 49 00:02:33,600 --> 00:02:36,600 Yeah, that means I can use the phone now. 50 00:02:36,633 --> 00:02:39,366 ‐ Be my guest. ‐ Cousin, good luck. 51 00:02:39,400 --> 00:02:40,566 Good luck, baby. 52 00:02:45,300 --> 00:02:46,566 Look at those little legs go. 53 00:02:49,333 --> 00:02:52,300 Oh, Harriette, this job means so much to Cousin Larry. 54 00:02:52,333 --> 00:02:55,733 If he gets it, he'll feel five feet tall. 55 00:02:59,133 --> 00:03:01,066 ‐ Hey, baby. ‐ Hi, sweetums. 56 00:03:02,433 --> 00:03:04,200 ‐ Hi, Balki. ‐ Hi, Carl. 57 00:03:04,233 --> 00:03:05,766 Hey, Balki, I brought you some more 58 00:03:05,800 --> 00:03:07,433 wanted posters for your collection. 59 00:03:07,466 --> 00:03:11,266 Oh, thank you, Carl, I'm so glad you're married to a policeman. 60 00:03:11,300 --> 00:03:13,700 Got it, got it. 61 00:03:13,733 --> 00:03:14,766 Need it. 62 00:03:17,200 --> 00:03:18,466 Oh, Carl. 63 00:03:18,500 --> 00:03:21,033 A Joey, the Fish rookie card. 64 00:03:22,433 --> 00:03:25,166 First offense. Oh, thank you, Carl. 65 00:03:25,200 --> 00:03:27,066 You're welcome. 66 00:03:27,100 --> 00:03:29,366 Come here. 67 00:03:29,400 --> 00:03:30,566 ‐ Not you, baby. ‐ Oh! 68 00:03:34,800 --> 00:03:37,366 How come your lips taste so sweet? 69 00:03:37,400 --> 00:03:38,566 Is that powdered sugar on your mouth? 70 00:03:38,600 --> 00:03:40,633 No, no, no, it's not sugar. It's, um, uh, uh. 71 00:03:40,666 --> 00:03:42,800 Don't lie to me. You've been eating donuts. 72 00:03:42,833 --> 00:03:44,633 Oh, Carl, did you have some of those ones 73 00:03:44,666 --> 00:03:46,466 we'd always have toge.. Oh, you did. 74 00:03:46,500 --> 00:03:47,800 Look, there's a little jelly on your hand. 75 00:03:47,833 --> 00:03:49,300 There's some crumbs on your lip‐‐ 76 00:03:49,333 --> 00:03:52,400 Uh, e‐excuse me, baby, this is a family matter 77 00:03:52,433 --> 00:03:54,233 and you're in the line of fire. 78 00:03:54,266 --> 00:03:56,466 Oh, I beg your pardon. I beg you pardon. 79 00:03:56,500 --> 00:03:58,666 If‐if anybody needs me, I'll be over there 80 00:03:58,700 --> 00:04:00,466 separating the assault from the battery. 81 00:04:00,500 --> 00:04:01,466 Okay. 82 00:04:04,666 --> 00:04:06,466 ‐ How many donuts did you eat? ‐ None. 83 00:04:06,500 --> 00:04:08,166 ‐ How many? ‐ Just one. 84 00:04:08,200 --> 00:04:09,800 ‐ How many? ‐ Alright, two, okay, two. 85 00:04:09,833 --> 00:04:12,600 ‐ How many? ‐ Alright, nine. 86 00:04:16,800 --> 00:04:18,300 And I'm paying the price. 87 00:04:20,200 --> 00:04:21,600 Now, lookie here, I didn't come here to argue. 88 00:04:21,633 --> 00:04:24,233 I just came to tell you that I won't be home for dinner. 89 00:04:24,266 --> 00:04:25,600 They got me working undercover. 90 00:04:25,633 --> 00:04:27,400 Oh, I worry when you work undercover. 91 00:04:27,433 --> 00:04:29,300 Oh, well, now don't worry, don't worry. 92 00:04:29,333 --> 00:04:31,633 I'll be alright, and I'll be home before you know it. 93 00:04:31,666 --> 00:04:33,533 Come here. See you later. 94 00:04:33,566 --> 00:04:35,233 ‐ Bye, Balki. ‐ Bye, Carl. 95 00:04:35,266 --> 00:04:36,733 Thanks again for Joey, The Fish. 96 00:04:36,766 --> 00:04:38,466 Hey, I'm just glad I can get 'em for ya. 97 00:04:38,500 --> 00:04:40,266 ‐ He's gonna be big. ‐ Oh‐ho‐oh‐oh. 98 00:04:41,766 --> 00:04:43,533 ‐ I'll walk you to your car. ‐ Oh, no, no, no. 99 00:04:43,566 --> 00:04:46,566 No need to do that. I know the way. 100 00:04:46,600 --> 00:04:48,266 Carl, you got food in that car, don't you? 101 00:04:48,300 --> 00:04:50,200 Now.. 102 00:04:50,233 --> 00:04:51,566 It's just a little something for the guys 103 00:04:51,600 --> 00:04:53,300 down at the station. A small case of ding‐dongs. 104 00:04:53,333 --> 00:04:54,400 (Harriette) 'Yeah, I got it.' 105 00:04:56,300 --> 00:04:57,233 ‐ Balki. ‐ Cousin. 106 00:04:57,266 --> 00:04:58,233 ‐ 'Balki.' ‐ Cousin. 107 00:04:58,266 --> 00:04:59,200 ‐ Balki. ‐ 'Cousin.' 108 00:04:59,233 --> 00:05:00,200 ‐ Balki. ‐ 'Cousin.' 109 00:05:00,233 --> 00:05:01,300 ‐ Balki. ‐ Cousin. 110 00:05:03,666 --> 00:05:06,066 You are looking at Larry Appleton 111 00:05:06,100 --> 00:05:07,700 investigative reporter. 112 00:05:13,400 --> 00:05:16,166 Oh, cousin, congratulations. 113 00:05:16,200 --> 00:05:19,366 Your ship has finally hit the fan. 114 00:05:25,533 --> 00:05:29,200 How fat is your big, fat raise? 115 00:05:30,800 --> 00:05:33,700 Well, they didn't give me a raise as such. 116 00:05:33,733 --> 00:05:35,233 Well, no need to be greedy. 117 00:05:35,266 --> 00:05:38,166 After all, you got that fancy new office. 118 00:05:38,200 --> 00:05:41,266 Well, they thought it would be best if I stayed right here. 119 00:05:41,300 --> 00:05:43,566 Well‐well, you got that company car you wanted. 120 00:05:43,600 --> 00:05:46,133 Well, no. 121 00:05:46,166 --> 00:05:47,500 ‐ Stationery? ‐ No. 122 00:05:47,533 --> 00:05:49,200 ‐ Business cards? ‐ No. 123 00:05:49,233 --> 00:05:50,500 Pencils with your name on them? 124 00:05:50,533 --> 00:05:52,533 ‐ No. ‐ Cousin, work with me here. 125 00:05:52,566 --> 00:05:54,566 I'm trying hard to keep up my enthusiasm. 126 00:05:56,300 --> 00:05:57,733 Balki, those things don't matter. 127 00:05:57,766 --> 00:06:00,300 This is a big break for me. 128 00:06:00,333 --> 00:06:02,100 I am on the Investigative Reporting team 129 00:06:02,133 --> 00:06:04,066 of the "Chicago Chronicle." 130 00:06:04,100 --> 00:06:05,633 I'll be out there digging up the facts. 131 00:06:05,666 --> 00:06:08,466 Exposing scandals, writing the hard news. 132 00:06:08,500 --> 00:06:12,333 Balki, for the first time, I am a real reporter. 133 00:06:12,366 --> 00:06:14,200 [telephone ringing] 134 00:06:14,233 --> 00:06:16,400 Appleton, assistant research liaison 135 00:06:16,433 --> 00:06:18,633 to the Investigative Reporting team of Marshall and Walpole. 136 00:06:18,666 --> 00:06:21,633 ‐ They did give me a title. ‐ Wow! 137 00:06:21,666 --> 00:06:23,600 Yes, sir, Mr. Walpole. 138 00:06:23,633 --> 00:06:25,466 This could be my first assignment. 139 00:06:27,666 --> 00:06:30,133 Yes, sir. I'm ready. 140 00:06:30,166 --> 00:06:31,766 Got it. Got it. 141 00:06:33,533 --> 00:06:36,666 What is it, cousin? Crime? Scandal? Hard news? 142 00:06:36,700 --> 00:06:38,233 Hard salami. 143 00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:41,766 They want me to get them lunch. 144 00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:44,233 Well, you still got that snappy title. 145 00:06:58,800 --> 00:06:59,766 Well, Balki. 146 00:07:01,666 --> 00:07:04,033 My first day as an investigative reporter 147 00:07:04,066 --> 00:07:06,600 and the only thing I exposed was some fatty corned beef. 148 00:07:08,500 --> 00:07:11,200 Oh, come on, cousin. Don't be discouraged. 149 00:07:11,233 --> 00:07:13,500 ‐ Your dream is coming true. ‐ Oh! 150 00:07:13,533 --> 00:07:15,500 Come on, you're‐you're a member 151 00:07:15,533 --> 00:07:18,500 of the Investigative Reporting team. 152 00:07:18,533 --> 00:07:20,666 Don't you think that Mushmouth and Polevault 153 00:07:20,700 --> 00:07:22,300 started out where you're starting out? 154 00:07:23,666 --> 00:07:26,333 Marshall and Walpole. 155 00:07:26,366 --> 00:07:29,433 Alright, alright, look, I read all about them. 156 00:07:29,466 --> 00:07:31,633 I know that they started out at the bottom 157 00:07:31,666 --> 00:07:34,166 writing little tiny pieces for the paper. 158 00:07:34,200 --> 00:07:36,566 And then they moved on to the Features department 159 00:07:36,600 --> 00:07:38,600 and they are writing bigger stories. 160 00:07:38,633 --> 00:07:41,033 And then, after a few years, they stumbled 161 00:07:41,066 --> 00:07:44,233 onto that milk scandal and the rest, as they say 162 00:07:44,266 --> 00:07:45,666 is hysterectomy. 163 00:07:50,533 --> 00:07:52,566 You know, Balki, you're right. 164 00:07:54,533 --> 00:07:55,700 You've shown me what I have to do. 165 00:07:55,733 --> 00:07:57,400 And not for the first time either. 166 00:08:00,333 --> 00:08:04,533 Cousin, I'm glad you're seeing that patience is the key. 167 00:08:04,566 --> 00:08:06,533 What patience? Patience is for losers. 168 00:08:06,566 --> 00:08:08,433 I don't have time for patience. 169 00:08:08,466 --> 00:08:10,533 What I need is a sensational story 170 00:08:10,566 --> 00:08:12,066 that will launch me right to the top. 171 00:08:12,100 --> 00:08:13,766 Just like Marshall and Walpole. 172 00:08:13,800 --> 00:08:17,166 But right now, I'm gonna get a good night sleep. 173 00:08:17,200 --> 00:08:19,400 I'm gonna get up at 3:30, go hang out at night court. 174 00:08:19,433 --> 00:08:20,766 Love that show. 175 00:08:22,700 --> 00:08:25,300 There's bound to be something happening down there. 176 00:08:25,333 --> 00:08:26,733 [knock on door] 177 00:08:30,400 --> 00:08:32,100 ‐ Hi, guys. ‐ Hi, Carl. 178 00:08:32,133 --> 00:08:35,166 Listen, uh, Harriette and I still don't have our phone yet. 179 00:08:35,200 --> 00:08:36,733 I'm really sorry to bother you but I'm expecting 180 00:08:36,766 --> 00:08:39,266 a real important phone call from headquarters, and I told them 181 00:08:39,300 --> 00:08:41,233 they could reach me here, I hope you guys don't mind 182 00:08:41,266 --> 00:08:43,066 if I kinda hang around a little while? 183 00:08:43,100 --> 00:08:44,333 ‐ Oh, no. Come on in. ‐ No, it's no problem. 184 00:08:44,366 --> 00:08:46,800 ‐ Alright. ‐ Alright. 185 00:08:46,833 --> 00:08:49,266 Uh, look, Carl, uh, I don't mean to seem rude 186 00:08:49,300 --> 00:08:50,433 but, uh, I gotta get some shut‐eye. 187 00:08:50,466 --> 00:08:51,700 ‐ Oh! ‐ I'm exhausted. 188 00:08:51,733 --> 00:08:53,600 ‐ Okay. Goodnight. ‐ Goodnight. 189 00:08:53,633 --> 00:08:56,666 ‐ So, Carl, how's it going? ‐ Oh, great. 190 00:08:56,700 --> 00:08:59,166 We're this close to busting a big politician. 191 00:08:59,200 --> 00:09:00,500 But, hey, I can sleep tomorrow. 192 00:09:02,133 --> 00:09:03,433 Let's talk. 193 00:09:05,233 --> 00:09:07,466 Cousin, I‐I thought you were going to bed. 194 00:09:07,500 --> 00:09:09,333 Oh, suddenly, I feel wide awake. 195 00:09:09,366 --> 00:09:11,166 Guess I'm getting my second wind. 196 00:09:11,200 --> 00:09:12,700 I'll get the antacid. 197 00:09:18,400 --> 00:09:22,166 So, Carl, uh, you're closing in on a corrupt politician? 198 00:09:22,200 --> 00:09:24,566 Yeah, I really wanna nail this guy. 199 00:09:24,600 --> 00:09:26,400 And we're about to spring a trap for him 200 00:09:26,433 --> 00:09:28,133 and a big mob kingpin. 201 00:09:28,166 --> 00:09:31,166 Cousin, you want, uh, mint or original formula? 202 00:09:32,733 --> 00:09:36,033 ‐ Original formula. ‐ Yeah. 203 00:09:36,066 --> 00:09:38,433 He's been takin' bribes from the mob for years. 204 00:09:38,466 --> 00:09:40,166 Cousin, uh, you want a spoon 205 00:09:40,200 --> 00:09:41,366 or will you be chugalugging tonight? 206 00:09:44,233 --> 00:09:46,200 Chugalugging, chugalugging. Ahem! 207 00:09:46,233 --> 00:09:49,600 So, uh, this politician, we talking, uh, local, state 208 00:09:49,633 --> 00:09:51,466 federal, appointed, elected? Did I vote for him? 209 00:09:51,500 --> 00:09:53,233 Did you vote for him? Nod if I'm getting warm. 210 00:09:53,266 --> 00:09:56,066 Uh, Larry, I really can't say anymore about it. 211 00:09:56,100 --> 00:09:57,733 This is official police business. 212 00:09:57,766 --> 00:10:00,033 And I've got to remember, I'm talking to a member 213 00:10:00,066 --> 00:10:02,233 of the "Chronicle's" Investigative Reporting team. 214 00:10:02,266 --> 00:10:04,100 I wouldn't wanna see this on the front page. 215 00:10:04,133 --> 00:10:05,333 [telephone ringing] 216 00:10:07,133 --> 00:10:08,600 Larry and Balki's Water Works. 217 00:10:08,633 --> 00:10:10,566 Which drip do you want to talk to? 218 00:10:14,300 --> 00:10:17,333 ‐ Carl, it's‐it's for you. ‐ That's my call. 219 00:10:17,366 --> 00:10:19,200 Oh, two points. 220 00:10:19,233 --> 00:10:21,266 Hello. Yeah. 221 00:10:21,300 --> 00:10:23,300 It's going down tonight? 222 00:10:23,333 --> 00:10:26,566 ‐ Oh, when? ‐ Oh! "Childproof cap." 223 00:10:28,500 --> 00:10:31,333 Okay, you make sure that Alderman is there 224 00:10:31,366 --> 00:10:32,766 and I'll bring Carmine. 225 00:10:32,800 --> 00:10:35,800 Right. Uh‐huh. 226 00:10:35,833 --> 00:10:38,233 Okay, no, he doesn't suspect a thing. 227 00:10:38,266 --> 00:10:40,766 Listen, uh, what's the address to the restaurant? 228 00:10:40,800 --> 00:10:45,100 Uh‐huh. Uh‐huh. Okay, got it. 229 00:10:45,133 --> 00:10:47,733 Alright, I'll see you in 20 minutes. Bye. 230 00:10:47,766 --> 00:10:50,300 Listen, fellas, I really shouldn't have said all I said 231 00:10:50,333 --> 00:10:51,533 about the case I'm workin' on. 232 00:10:51,566 --> 00:10:54,033 You know, if it ever got out, I could get in a lot of trouble. 233 00:10:54,066 --> 00:10:55,400 But you two guys are my friends 234 00:10:55,433 --> 00:10:57,800 and I know that you won't say anything to anybody. 235 00:10:57,833 --> 00:11:01,466 Carl, don't worry because your secret is safe with us. 236 00:11:01,500 --> 00:11:02,500 Thanks. 237 00:11:02,533 --> 00:11:05,033 If anybody knows how to keep a secret 238 00:11:05,066 --> 00:11:07,033 we are those people. 239 00:11:07,066 --> 00:11:09,466 ‐ Thank you. ‐ Once again, Carl, don't worry. 240 00:11:09,500 --> 00:11:10,333 Alright. 241 00:11:10,366 --> 00:11:12,766 Because your secret is safe with us. 242 00:11:12,800 --> 00:11:14,400 Gee, thanks. 243 00:11:16,800 --> 00:11:18,500 What secret is he talking about? 244 00:11:20,566 --> 00:11:24,166 I think Carl is going to make a big bust. 245 00:11:24,200 --> 00:11:27,133 That's the secret? Carl is interested in sculpting? 246 00:11:28,800 --> 00:11:30,533 Not that kind of bust. 247 00:11:30,566 --> 00:11:31,733 No. 248 00:11:33,633 --> 00:11:36,633 A bust means Carl is going to arrest a crooked politician 249 00:11:36,666 --> 00:11:39,100 who is involved with organized crime. 250 00:11:39,133 --> 00:11:41,700 This is the story I'm looking for. 251 00:11:41,733 --> 00:11:44,166 All I have to do is rub a pencil across this pad. 252 00:11:44,200 --> 00:11:45,600 Then I can make out the impression and find out 253 00:11:45,633 --> 00:11:47,700 where the arrest is going to happen. 254 00:11:47,733 --> 00:11:50,166 Cousin, cousin, why would you want to do that? 255 00:11:50,200 --> 00:11:51,666 Because I am going to put this story 256 00:11:51,700 --> 00:11:53,733 on the front page of "The Chronicle." 257 00:11:53,766 --> 00:11:55,266 On the front page? 258 00:11:55,300 --> 00:11:57,400 Someone might see it. 259 00:11:57,433 --> 00:12:00,200 Not just someone. Everyone. 260 00:12:02,133 --> 00:12:04,166 Cousin, I don't think so. 261 00:12:04,200 --> 00:12:06,533 We promised Carl that we would keep this a secret 262 00:12:06,566 --> 00:12:08,366 and I intend to keep our word. 263 00:12:21,800 --> 00:12:26,300 Give me the pad...Balki. 264 00:12:26,333 --> 00:12:28,600 I need the address on that pad. 265 00:12:28,633 --> 00:12:30,533 When Carl makes the arrest, I've got to be there. 266 00:12:30,566 --> 00:12:34,233 This is my big story. This is my ticket to the big time. 267 00:12:34,266 --> 00:12:37,166 Well, in this case, you don't have a ticket to ride. 268 00:12:39,433 --> 00:12:41,600 Cousin, Carl told us to keep this a secret 269 00:12:41,633 --> 00:12:43,700 and I intend to do it. 270 00:12:43,733 --> 00:12:47,433 Oh, hey, hey, hey, I don't have a problem with that. 271 00:12:47,466 --> 00:12:50,600 You keep it a secret, but give me the pad. 272 00:12:57,533 --> 00:12:59,733 Cousin, if you build a career by betraying a friend 273 00:12:59,766 --> 00:13:01,433 you'll hate yourself. 274 00:13:01,466 --> 00:13:03,100 I'd get over it. 275 00:13:09,800 --> 00:13:12,266 Stand back.. 276 00:13:12,300 --> 00:13:14,766 ...or I'll sweep you into tomorrow. 277 00:13:17,766 --> 00:13:21,100 Balki, give me that pad. 278 00:13:23,633 --> 00:13:26,033 No, cousin. This is wrong. 279 00:13:26,066 --> 00:13:28,433 Carl don't want us to have this information. 280 00:13:28,466 --> 00:13:30,766 Oh, oh, oh! 281 00:13:30,800 --> 00:13:33,466 So that's what's bothering you. 282 00:13:33,500 --> 00:13:35,700 Yes. 283 00:13:35,733 --> 00:13:38,266 You think Carl doesn't want us to have that information. 284 00:13:38,300 --> 00:13:40,233 ‐ That is correct. ‐ But Balki, no. 285 00:13:40,266 --> 00:13:43,133 That is not correct. The truth, the truth is.. 286 00:13:43,166 --> 00:13:45,266 The truth.. 287 00:13:45,300 --> 00:13:48,366 ...is that Carl wants me to have that address. 288 00:13:48,400 --> 00:13:50,266 You see this is the way information is passed 289 00:13:50,300 --> 00:13:53,200 from undercover cops to investigative reporters. 290 00:13:55,433 --> 00:13:58,266 But if, if Carl wanted you to have this information 291 00:13:58,300 --> 00:14:00,266 why he didn't just come out and say it? 292 00:14:00,300 --> 00:14:02,200 ‐ Well, he couldn't do that. ‐ No? 293 00:14:02,233 --> 00:14:05,133 No. He'd get into trouble. 294 00:14:05,166 --> 00:14:06,666 We wouldn't want that to happen now, would we? 295 00:14:06,700 --> 00:14:07,766 ‐ No. ‐ 'No.' 296 00:14:07,800 --> 00:14:09,633 ‐ 'No.' ‐ No. 297 00:14:09,666 --> 00:14:12,333 But you said that Carl wanted you to have this address. 298 00:14:12,366 --> 00:14:14,266 He does want me to have that address. 299 00:14:14,300 --> 00:14:16,233 ‐ He does. ‐ But he can't give it to me. 300 00:14:16,266 --> 00:14:17,200 ‐ He can't? ‐ No. 301 00:14:17,233 --> 00:14:19,400 That's why he told me to keep it a secret. 302 00:14:19,433 --> 00:14:21,133 Balki, think about it. 303 00:14:24,333 --> 00:14:26,166 If Carl didn't want me to put it in the paper 304 00:14:26,200 --> 00:14:28,200 he wouldn't have told me to keep it a secret. 305 00:14:31,366 --> 00:14:33,533 Wait a minute. 306 00:14:33,566 --> 00:14:38,266 Are you, are you saying that Carl gave us a secret 307 00:14:38,300 --> 00:14:41,300 and told us to keep that secret a secret 308 00:14:41,333 --> 00:14:44,166 but that‐that really wasn't what he wanted? 309 00:14:44,200 --> 00:14:46,133 What he really wanted was for you 310 00:14:46,166 --> 00:14:47,733 to put that secret on the front page 311 00:14:47,766 --> 00:14:51,800 of the newspaper so that everyone can know this secret 312 00:14:51,833 --> 00:14:54,000 that we are supposed to be keeping a secret? 313 00:14:57,500 --> 00:15:00,433 Exactly. 314 00:15:00,466 --> 00:15:02,500 ‐ Exactly what? ‐ Exactly what you just said. 315 00:15:02,533 --> 00:15:04,266 I don't know what I just said. 316 00:15:05,700 --> 00:15:08,166 All I know is you had the wind problem. 317 00:15:08,200 --> 00:15:10,600 I went into the kitchen to get the antacid. 318 00:15:10,633 --> 00:15:12,500 I couldn't get the top of it off‐‐ 319 00:15:12,533 --> 00:15:15,233 Balki, Balki, Balki, Balki, Balki. 320 00:15:15,266 --> 00:15:19,200 Look, this is all very, very simple. 321 00:15:19,233 --> 00:15:21,433 Carl told us to keep a secret 322 00:15:21,466 --> 00:15:23,266 hoping we would make it public. 323 00:15:23,300 --> 00:15:25,500 On the other hand, if Carl had told us to make it public 324 00:15:25,533 --> 00:15:28,466 we would be honor‐bound to keep it a secret. 325 00:15:28,500 --> 00:15:30,666 Because Carl knows a secret being a secret 326 00:15:30,700 --> 00:15:32,533 is the only thing worth making public. 327 00:15:32,566 --> 00:15:34,300 Otherwise, why call it a secret? 328 00:15:40,533 --> 00:15:42,133 Take the pad. 329 00:15:44,500 --> 00:15:46,266 I've got a headache. 330 00:15:51,666 --> 00:15:53,266 [panting] 331 00:15:55,766 --> 00:15:59,666 Nothing. There is nothing. This always works in the movies. 332 00:15:59,700 --> 00:16:01,666 Balki, how am I gonna find out where Carl's making the arrest? 333 00:16:03,366 --> 00:16:06,200 He gave us a secret.. 334 00:16:06,233 --> 00:16:08,266 ...he wanted to keep a secret. 335 00:16:08,300 --> 00:16:10,800 Balki, why can't I ever get a break? 336 00:16:10,833 --> 00:16:12,600 Oh, don't worry, cousin. 337 00:16:12,633 --> 00:16:17,733 It's the Side Show Restaurant, 6818 West Fullerton. 338 00:16:17,766 --> 00:16:21,133 I‐I‐I glanced at the pad while he was writing it down. 339 00:16:21,166 --> 00:16:24,133 Balki, I'll never forget you for this. 340 00:16:24,166 --> 00:16:26,100 We've got ten minutes to get there. 341 00:16:27,433 --> 00:16:29,433 He, and‐and.. 342 00:16:29,466 --> 00:16:32,166 I‐if you put on the front page of the newspaper 343 00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:34,200 then everyone would know the secret 344 00:16:34,233 --> 00:16:35,766 that we are supposed to be keeping a secret. 345 00:16:35,800 --> 00:16:37,533 ‐ Because he said to us that‐‐ ‐ Let's go. 346 00:16:48,100 --> 00:16:49,500 Hey, Alderman, I'm glad you could make it. 347 00:16:49,533 --> 00:16:52,166 ‐ Hey. ‐ Adios. 348 00:16:52,200 --> 00:16:53,700 Well, there was no way I was gonna miss 349 00:16:53,733 --> 00:16:55,466 Sergeant Bergetti's surprise party. 350 00:16:55,500 --> 00:16:58,566 After all, Carmine is one of the best cops on the force. 351 00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:00,333 So, uh, how is Carl gonna get him here 352 00:17:00,366 --> 00:17:01,733 without, uh, spoiling the surprise? 353 00:17:01,766 --> 00:17:03,533 How do you get a cop to go anywhere? 354 00:17:03,566 --> 00:17:06,400 You promise him a free meal, right? 355 00:17:06,433 --> 00:17:08,333 Alright, alright, but one question. 356 00:17:08,366 --> 00:17:10,333 With all the cops in here, who's minding the city? 357 00:17:10,366 --> 00:17:12,100 [all laughing] 358 00:17:19,533 --> 00:17:21,166 Look at this place. 359 00:17:21,200 --> 00:17:23,066 It's crawling with criminals. 360 00:17:24,766 --> 00:17:26,433 They look like nice people to me. 361 00:17:26,466 --> 00:17:28,700 Oh, Balki, Balki, Balki. 362 00:17:30,466 --> 00:17:32,766 When you've been on the street as long as I have 363 00:17:32,800 --> 00:17:36,300 there are some things you just know. 364 00:17:36,333 --> 00:17:38,466 I have been on the street as long as you have. 365 00:17:38,500 --> 00:17:40,333 We left the house at the same time. 366 00:17:46,533 --> 00:17:48,400 Just stick close to me. 367 00:17:48,433 --> 00:17:51,000 Try not to draw attention to yourself. 368 00:17:59,333 --> 00:18:00,566 Planter. 369 00:18:04,566 --> 00:18:06,000 [rattling] 370 00:18:08,833 --> 00:18:10,333 Loose tile. Careful. 371 00:18:20,500 --> 00:18:22,633 Oh, my Lord. 372 00:18:22,666 --> 00:18:26,233 Alderman Zittrell is sitting at a table in the corner. 373 00:18:26,266 --> 00:18:27,800 'He must be the crooked politician' 374 00:18:27,833 --> 00:18:29,633 Carl is going to arrest. 375 00:18:31,100 --> 00:18:33,100 Oh, my Lord! 376 00:18:33,133 --> 00:18:34,733 That's the chief of police with him. 377 00:18:34,766 --> 00:18:36,466 He must be a crook too. 378 00:18:36,500 --> 00:18:38,733 What a story! 379 00:18:38,766 --> 00:18:39,766 I've got to know what they're talking about. 380 00:18:39,800 --> 00:18:42,300 Balki.. 381 00:18:42,333 --> 00:18:45,600 ...I am going to try to tape their conversation. 382 00:18:45,633 --> 00:18:48,066 Wait here. 383 00:18:48,100 --> 00:18:49,700 Could I have a Shirley Temple over here? 384 00:18:54,700 --> 00:18:58,233 Wait here. Don't speak. 385 00:18:58,266 --> 00:19:00,000 Don't move. 386 00:19:05,466 --> 00:19:07,266 Let me freshen that for you. 387 00:19:15,766 --> 00:19:17,700 ‐ There you are. ‐ Thank you. 388 00:19:26,066 --> 00:19:28,133 I can't believe it. 389 00:19:28,166 --> 00:19:30,733 I am blowing the lid off the biggest story in town. 390 00:19:30,766 --> 00:19:32,733 If Carl hadn't let this slip, I'd still be getting lunch 391 00:19:32,766 --> 00:19:34,633 for those bozos, Marshall and Walpole. 392 00:19:36,433 --> 00:19:39,333 Let it slip? What? 393 00:19:39,366 --> 00:19:42,133 You told me that Carl wanted us to have this information. 394 00:19:42,166 --> 00:19:44,666 No, he did, uh, let it slip is a generic term 395 00:19:44,700 --> 00:19:46,500 which can be used to denote one who wants to convey inform‐‐ 396 00:19:46,533 --> 00:19:49,666 Cousin, cut the Bullwinkle! 397 00:19:53,100 --> 00:19:56,433 Okay. I lied. Big deal. 398 00:19:56,466 --> 00:19:58,166 I'm trying to build a career here. 399 00:19:58,200 --> 00:20:00,433 If you have a problem with that.. 400 00:20:00,466 --> 00:20:02,366 ...go home. 401 00:20:05,133 --> 00:20:06,600 I will. 402 00:20:08,466 --> 00:20:12,100 But first, I'm going to get that tape recorder. 403 00:20:14,333 --> 00:20:17,433 Balki, you are interfering with the freedom of the press. 404 00:20:17,466 --> 00:20:18,566 Oh, phoo! 405 00:20:23,200 --> 00:20:24,166 Cousin. 406 00:20:27,133 --> 00:20:28,100 Balki. 407 00:20:31,500 --> 00:20:33,033 Cousin, please. 408 00:20:36,333 --> 00:20:37,300 (both) Hi! 409 00:20:38,800 --> 00:20:40,766 ‐ What do you want? ‐ How about your bread? 410 00:20:40,800 --> 00:20:41,700 The bread's fine. 411 00:20:41,733 --> 00:20:43,633 Well, then, you'll be wanting some more. 412 00:20:52,266 --> 00:20:53,766 Loose tile, careful. 413 00:20:59,400 --> 00:21:01,033 ‐ Are you happy? ‐ Well.. 414 00:21:01,066 --> 00:21:02,466 You could have gotten us killed. 415 00:21:06,700 --> 00:21:08,766 (chief of police on recorder) 'Don't worry, everything's all set.' 416 00:21:08,800 --> 00:21:11,466 'As soon as Carl comes in that door with Carmine' 417 00:21:11,500 --> 00:21:13,600 'boom, we'll let him have it.' 418 00:21:13,633 --> 00:21:16,366 (Alderman on recorder) 'I can't wait to see his face. He is going to die when‐‐' 419 00:21:17,833 --> 00:21:19,500 (Balki and Larry on recorder) 'Hi.' 420 00:21:22,733 --> 00:21:25,533 Balki, Alderman Zittrell is planning to murder Carl. 421 00:21:25,566 --> 00:21:27,033 We've got to get out of here and warn him. 422 00:21:28,300 --> 00:21:29,733 Quiet down, everybody, they're comin'. 423 00:21:29,766 --> 00:21:32,233 Okay, this is it. 424 00:21:32,266 --> 00:21:35,066 ‐ Now when I give the signal. ‐ Balki, we've got to stop him. 425 00:21:35,100 --> 00:21:36,500 [muffled screaming] 426 00:21:43,566 --> 00:21:46,666 Surprise! 427 00:21:46,700 --> 00:21:48,333 Well, you got that right. 428 00:22:01,533 --> 00:22:04,566 Carl, I am so sorry about all the embarrassment‐‐ 429 00:22:04,600 --> 00:22:06,766 Hey, Larry, don't worry about it. 430 00:22:06,800 --> 00:22:09,033 You're already a legend downtown. 431 00:22:09,066 --> 00:22:11,166 They'll be laughing about you for years. 432 00:22:12,333 --> 00:22:14,366 Oh, cousin, isn't that nice? 433 00:22:14,400 --> 00:22:16,466 And you thought you made a fool of yourself. 434 00:22:18,333 --> 00:22:20,266 Well, I better get downstairs. 435 00:22:20,300 --> 00:22:22,100 Harriette waits up for me. 436 00:22:22,133 --> 00:22:23,766 She likes to dust me for fingerprints. 437 00:22:25,700 --> 00:22:27,466 Why? Doesn't she trust you when you work undercover? 438 00:22:27,500 --> 00:22:30,066 Oh, no, no, no. It's nothing like that. 439 00:22:30,100 --> 00:22:33,066 It's just a little thing that we do. 440 00:22:40,700 --> 00:22:45,066 Boy, some investigative reporter. 441 00:22:45,100 --> 00:22:47,100 I blew the lid off a surprise party. 442 00:22:48,833 --> 00:22:51,433 Oh, come on, cousin. Don't be down on yourself. 443 00:22:51,466 --> 00:22:53,633 You're a good writer and a hard worker. 444 00:22:53,666 --> 00:22:56,133 And someday, you're gonna be just as famous 445 00:22:56,166 --> 00:22:58,033 as Maytag and Whirlpool. 446 00:22:59,666 --> 00:23:00,700 You really think I'm a good writer? 447 00:23:00,733 --> 00:23:02,566 Well, of course, I do. 448 00:23:02,600 --> 00:23:04,066 Don't be ridiculous. 449 00:23:05,533 --> 00:23:07,600 Well, maybe you're right. 450 00:23:07,633 --> 00:23:10,800 If I just hang in there, work hard.. 451 00:23:10,833 --> 00:23:11,800 ...my time will come. 452 00:23:11,833 --> 00:23:13,533 Of course, it will. 453 00:23:13,566 --> 00:23:16,400 Remember, cousin, patience is a virgin. 454 00:23:26,800 --> 00:23:28,300 [theme music]