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[David Pomeranz performing
"Nothing's Gonna Stop Me Now"]
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♪ Sometimes the world
looks perfect ♪
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♪ Nothing to rearrange ♪
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♪ Sometimes you just get
a feeling ♪
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♪ Like you need some kind
of change ♪
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♪ No matter what the odds
are this time ♪
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♪ Nothing's gonna stand
in my way ♪
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♪ This flame in my heart ♪
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♪ And a long lost friend ♪
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♪ Gives every dark street
a light at the end ♪
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♪ Standing tall
on the wings of my dreams ♪
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♪ Rise and fall
on the wings of my dreams ♪
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♪ The rain and thunder ♪
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♪ The wind and haze ♪
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♪ I'm bound for better days ♪
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♪ It's my life and my dream ♪
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♪ And nothing's gonna stop me
now ♪
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Cousin, cousin, I did it!
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I did it, I did it!
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I cashed my paycheck.
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I withdraw all my savings,
and I recycled
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all our aluminum cans.
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And I have enough money
to buy a car.
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Well, congratulations, Balki.
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Well, thanks, come on,
let's go buy me a car right now.
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You can't just go out
and buy a car.
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‐‐No?
‐‐No, you gotta do
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some research first.
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‐‐Research?
‐‐Yes, you gotta read
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Consumer Reports about the makes
and models
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you're interested in.
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You gotta check around,
shop around
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to the various dealers,
see what they have to offer.
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No, no, cousin,
no need for that.
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I'm gonna go right down to
Honest Achmed's
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Used Car Caravan.
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Honest Achmed?
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Yeah.
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You know, the guy on television
who says he'd kiss
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a camel to sell a car.
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Uh, Balki, sit down.
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Now, how can I say
this tactfully?
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I wouldn't know.
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If you try to buy a car
from Honest Achmed,
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he'll eat you alive.
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He's a cannibal?
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No, no.
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What I'm trying to say is that
Honest Achmed isn't honest.
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He isn't even Achmed.
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His real name is Burt Williams,
and he probably stole
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that camel he kisses.
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Cousin, why would he lie?
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To make money.
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You know, Balki, my father had
a system for finding
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reliable cars.
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He called it the Appleton
Used Car Rating System.
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I think it might be
just what you need.
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Well, well, cousin, come on.
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I'm sure your father was wise
behind his ears but,
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I don't think I need
his system.
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You know, this, this Mepio
didn't just fall
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off the turnip train,
you know.
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Well, I know you didn't.
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But, suppose you buy a car
without the Appleton
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Used Car Rating System.
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What would happen?
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Well, let's look
into the future.
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Look, it's a dark
and stormy night.
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I wake up
with terrible pains.
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Cousin, where does it hurt?
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Well, right there, right there.
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Right, I think it's
my appendix.
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And oh, Balki, you've
got to get me to the hospital.
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Cousin, it's no problem.
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I drive you in my new car.
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Oh, good, good.
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But when we get into your car,
it won't start.
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You've got to get
me to the hospital.
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Cousin, I'm trying, but
my car won't start.
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Help!
Help!
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Help!
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It's two in the morning.
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There's no one around.
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Oops, my appendix just burst.
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I'm dead.
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And all because you
wouldn't use
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the Appleton Used Car
Rating System
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and bought a bad, bad car.
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Oh, cousin, I don't want,
I don't want
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your death on my head
and shoulders.
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Give me the Appleton
Used Car Rating System.
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Only if you're sure.
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Cousin, I'm sure, I'm sure.
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I'm sure, what do I do?
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Now, first, give me
all your money.
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Who are you kidding?
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Give me your money.
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Okay.
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Now, don't worry.
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I'll use the Appleton System
to get you
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the right car
at the right price.
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Thank you, cousin.
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And after you pick out my car,
can I get
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a personalized license plate?
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Oh, sure, why not?
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I want one that says,
"Make the world
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a better place by being
nice to everyone you meet."
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You think that one
is taken?
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We'll have to check.
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My second choice is,
"Eat my rust."
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Come on, I want you
to see this.
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Hey, Harri, Lydia.
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Just keep up what
you're doing, I want Lydia
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to watch it for awhile.
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Oh, so, Harriette's told
you about the Appleton
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Used Car Rating System.
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You know, it was developed
by my dad to make sure
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we kids bought used cars
that would run
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trouble‐free for years.
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This is a computer print out of
every used car for sale
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in the Chicagoland area.
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Oh, there certainly are
a lot of them.
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14,227.
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Before computers, used to take
my dad forever to do this.
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He started shopping
for my first car
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when I was 12 years old.
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Ask him how he plans
to narrow that down.
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Well, using another computer
program, I've eliminated
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all the trucks,
four‐wheel drive vehicles, RVs
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and everything costing
more than $2500.
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But, don't‐‐
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then the cars themselves
are rated according
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to such things as, mileage,
previous service record,
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coefficient of drag.
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Do you feel‐‐
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and then the ratings are
factored
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against the sale prices of the
cars,
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which reduces
the list even further
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down to the one car in Chicago
most likely to give Balki
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worry‐free driving
well into the next century.
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Were you a bedwetter?
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I'm just tryin'
to help the guy.
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Uh‐huh, what if your computer
doesn't find a car
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that Balki likes?
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Well, what does "like"
have to do with it?
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I didn't like the car
my father got for me.
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But it is still running.
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Well, what do ya think?
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You're right.
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He is a sick man.
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That's what I thought.
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I just wanted
a professional opinion.
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Dad always said
people wouldn't understand.
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Cousin, cousin, I found it,
I found it.
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I found the car of my dreams,
and it's right here
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in our parking garage, come on!
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And what is it, Balki,
that makes this the car
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of your dreams?
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It's red.
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Come on!
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Cousin, you can't see
it from there.
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Balki, Balki, you're gonna
have to have
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better reasons for buying
a car, other than the fact
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that it's red.
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Oh, I do, I do.
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You do?
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Yes, I do.
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Well, let's list your reasons.
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List them?
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Well, uh, it's got
those little flaps
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that keep the mud
from getting up on the fender.
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Uh‐huh.
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And, uh, it's got, it's got,
the aerial goes at an angle,
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so you feel like you're drivin'
fast all the time.
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Uh‐huh.
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Oh, oh, and this is what
really sold me.
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It's got one of those
Garfields stuck to the window.
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Balki, I thought that car
might catch your eye.
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You saw it, too?
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Yeah, saw, I ran it
through the Appleton System.
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How did it do?
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It didn't measure up.
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Cousin, you know, I...
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I had a silly idea that buying
a car would be fun.
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00:09:13,687 --> 00:09:17,157
Balki, buying a car is not
supposed to be fun.
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The fun comes years from now
when you look back
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and see you were
a good consumer.
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You weren't breastfed,
were you.
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Years from now,
you'll thank me.
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Years from now,
I'll buy a red car.
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Don't look, don't look.
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Cousin, I can't stand it,
I can't stand it!
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00:10:03,369 --> 00:10:06,707
I got you the most
reliable used car in Chicago.
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Okay, open your eyes.
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00:10:15,281 --> 00:10:19,185
Oh, cousin, it's beautiful.
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I think so, too.
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00:10:26,292 --> 00:10:27,761
Balki, Balki.
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00:10:27,794 --> 00:10:29,663
Cousin, you are the best.
199
00:10:29,696 --> 00:10:33,099
Cousin, I'm sorry I talked all
those terrible things about you.
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00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:36,436
I mean, never, never in my
wildest dreams.
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It's a convertible!
202
00:10:37,738 --> 00:10:43,176
It's a convertible!
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00:10:43,209 --> 00:10:45,145
No, no, no.
204
00:10:45,178 --> 00:10:49,349
Balki, come on, no, no, no, no.
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00:10:49,382 --> 00:10:52,118
Balki, Balki.
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00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:53,386
This isn't your car.
207
00:10:53,419 --> 00:10:55,421
‐ It isn't?
‐ No.
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00:10:55,455 --> 00:11:00,093
This is your car.
209
00:11:00,126 --> 00:11:05,766
Oh, god.
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00:11:05,799 --> 00:11:07,734
I knew you'd like it.
211
00:11:07,768 --> 00:11:11,271
And thanks to the Appleton
System, this car is so reliable,
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00:11:11,304 --> 00:11:13,073
you could be driving it forever.
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00:11:18,845 --> 00:11:22,348
That long?
214
00:11:22,382 --> 00:11:26,753
So, what do you say
we start this baby up
215
00:11:26,787 --> 00:11:28,154
and take her for a spin?
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00:11:33,960 --> 00:11:37,864
I was just as excited
when I got my first car.
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00:11:37,898 --> 00:11:40,834
Come on, come on, come on.
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00:11:40,867 --> 00:11:42,903
Don't be shy.
219
00:11:59,319 --> 00:12:00,754
Huh?
220
00:12:00,787 --> 00:12:04,357
Listen to that engine purr.
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00:12:04,390 --> 00:12:09,429
That is the sound
of the Appleton System at work.
222
00:12:35,121 --> 00:12:39,492
Okay, Balki, start it up.
223
00:12:39,526 --> 00:12:44,130
Okay, Balki, start the engine.
224
00:12:44,164 --> 00:12:47,868
Balki, turn the key,
start it up.
225
00:12:47,901 --> 00:12:50,804
Balki, start her up.
226
00:12:50,837 --> 00:12:54,841
Balki, turn it‐‐
227
00:12:54,875 --> 00:12:55,576
What are you doing out here?
228
00:12:55,609 --> 00:12:58,178
Just hangin' out.
229
00:12:58,211 --> 00:12:59,079
I told you to start the car.
230
00:12:59,112 --> 00:13:01,548
Yeah, well, I tried,
nothing happened.
231
00:13:01,582 --> 00:13:04,150
Well, I'm sure it's just
a simple problem.
232
00:13:04,184 --> 00:13:06,019
Well, I have a simple solution.
233
00:13:06,052 --> 00:13:09,022
Why don't we take this thing
back and get another one?
234
00:13:09,055 --> 00:13:12,258
Possibly a red one.
235
00:13:12,292 --> 00:13:13,493
Balki, we are not taking
it back.
236
00:13:13,527 --> 00:13:15,061
There is nothing wrong
with it.
237
00:13:15,095 --> 00:13:16,963
Well, there is one thing
wrong with it.
238
00:13:16,997 --> 00:13:20,300
It won't start.
239
00:13:20,333 --> 00:13:22,335
I'm sure it's just
a small adjustment.
240
00:13:22,368 --> 00:13:25,038
It passed the Appleton
System with flying colors.
241
00:13:25,071 --> 00:13:30,010
Well, maybe the Appleton System
should take a flying leap.
242
00:13:30,043 --> 00:13:31,845
Cousin, I'm sorry,
I'm sorry.
243
00:13:31,878 --> 00:13:36,182
It just slipped out.
244
00:13:36,216 --> 00:13:38,384
Balki, have a little faith.
245
00:13:38,418 --> 00:13:41,522
Even as kids, some of us had
our doubts about dad's system.
246
00:13:41,555 --> 00:13:44,257
I can see why.
247
00:13:44,290 --> 00:13:48,895
But it never, ever
let us down.
248
00:13:48,929 --> 00:13:50,531
Now, come on, give me
a hand here.
249
00:13:50,564 --> 00:13:52,866
The problem seems to be
with the electrical system.
250
00:13:52,899 --> 00:13:55,401
So, we have to check and see
if the battery
251
00:13:55,435 --> 00:13:57,538
is delivering sufficient power.
252
00:13:57,571 --> 00:14:00,306
Grab a screwdriver.
253
00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:02,509
All we have to do
is touch these screwdrivers
254
00:14:02,543 --> 00:14:05,345
to the battery terminals and see
if there's any electricity.
255
00:14:09,950 --> 00:14:14,420
Cousin, it seems that
the battery is dead.
256
00:14:14,454 --> 00:14:20,193
You know, Mr. Wizard once said
that electricity won't flow
257
00:14:20,226 --> 00:14:23,964
unless there is
a complete circuit.
258
00:14:23,997 --> 00:14:27,901
I wonder what he meant by that?
259
00:14:27,934 --> 00:14:29,335
Ah!
260
00:14:51,091 --> 00:14:52,659
Battery's fine.
261
00:15:05,539 --> 00:15:08,308
Okay.
262
00:15:08,341 --> 00:15:10,076
I think now we're
getting somewhere.
263
00:15:10,110 --> 00:15:12,579
Well, that's what you said
when you stripped
264
00:15:12,613 --> 00:15:15,415
the threads on the carburrito.
265
00:15:15,448 --> 00:15:16,583
It's carburetor.
266
00:15:16,617 --> 00:15:18,418
Car‐bur‐etor.
267
00:15:18,451 --> 00:15:19,419
And it was an accident.
268
00:15:19,452 --> 00:15:22,623
What, you never made a mistake
in your life?
269
00:15:22,656 --> 00:15:25,325
Not of this magnitude.
270
00:15:25,358 --> 00:15:29,730
You know, Balki, I am doing
all this for you.
271
00:15:29,763 --> 00:15:32,533
I found the car for you.
272
00:15:32,566 --> 00:15:35,335
I made the deal for you.
273
00:15:35,368 --> 00:15:38,038
And I am trying to fix it
for you.
274
00:15:38,071 --> 00:15:39,272
You're right there, cousin.
275
00:15:39,305 --> 00:15:43,076
We wouldn't be here
if it wasn't for you.
276
00:15:48,649 --> 00:15:50,517
Okay, well, tell you what,
277
00:15:50,551 --> 00:15:55,088
if you don't wanna help,
why don't you just go home.
278
00:15:57,658 --> 00:16:02,763
Cousin, I would love
to go home,
279
00:16:02,796 --> 00:16:04,965
but my car don't work.
280
00:16:10,370 --> 00:16:13,306
All right, look, I tell
you what,
281
00:16:13,339 --> 00:16:14,775
we're both very tired
and we've been working
282
00:16:14,808 --> 00:16:17,377
on this all weekend.
283
00:16:17,410 --> 00:16:19,713
Well, I think it would be best
if we just put our differences
284
00:16:19,746 --> 00:16:22,716
aside and worked together.
285
00:16:22,749 --> 00:16:24,718
Cousin, you're right.
286
00:16:24,751 --> 00:16:27,087
You're right, and you're right.
287
00:16:27,120 --> 00:16:28,755
You're right.
288
00:16:28,789 --> 00:16:31,157
Okay, what can I do to help?
289
00:16:31,191 --> 00:16:33,694
Well, well, to start with
you could
290
00:16:33,727 --> 00:16:39,232
put in the oil.
291
00:16:39,265 --> 00:16:42,235
Of course, we wouldn't have
to put in new oil
292
00:16:42,268 --> 00:16:44,304
if you hadn't broken
the oil filter
293
00:16:44,337 --> 00:16:46,540
when you were trying to fix
the fuel pump, huh?
294
00:16:51,344 --> 00:16:53,580
Well, the fuel pump wouldn't
have been broken
295
00:16:53,614 --> 00:16:56,482
if you hadn't hit it
with a hammer.
296
00:16:56,517 --> 00:17:00,220
Huh?
297
00:17:00,253 --> 00:17:01,688
Cousin, you told me
to hit it with a hammer.
298
00:17:01,722 --> 00:17:05,125
I said tap, tap it
with a hammer.
299
00:17:05,158 --> 00:17:08,595
Tap, hit, eight of one,
half a dozen of another.
300
00:17:10,797 --> 00:17:13,033
Just put in the oil.
301
00:17:19,439 --> 00:17:22,175
Cousin, when you, when you‐‐
302
00:17:22,208 --> 00:17:23,744
‐ Balki.
‐ Let me just ask you this.
303
00:17:23,777 --> 00:17:25,311
Balki, just put in the oil.
304
00:17:25,345 --> 00:17:27,180
‐ Put in the oil!
‐ Let me just ask you this.
305
00:17:27,213 --> 00:17:28,381
Let me just ask you this
question.
306
00:17:28,414 --> 00:17:30,116
Put in the oil.
Put in the oil.
307
00:17:30,150 --> 00:17:31,618
Put in the oil, now!
308
00:17:31,652 --> 00:17:33,119
Now!
Now!
309
00:17:37,624 --> 00:17:39,560
Okay.
310
00:17:51,137 --> 00:17:52,272
Cousin, I just wanna ask you
one little question.
311
00:17:52,305 --> 00:17:57,310
Balki, put in the oil, now!
312
00:18:38,785 --> 00:18:41,454
Cousin, was this what you‐‐
313
00:18:41,487 --> 00:18:44,157
Thank you.
314
00:18:59,906 --> 00:19:03,944
Well, Balki, we did it.
315
00:19:03,977 --> 00:19:06,547
Yup, we took apart everything
in my car
316
00:19:06,580 --> 00:19:11,818
and put it back together again.
317
00:19:11,852 --> 00:19:14,688
You have to do that sometimes.
318
00:19:14,721 --> 00:19:18,291
The amazing thing is we don't
have any parts left over.
319
00:19:18,324 --> 00:19:19,192
Always a good sign.
320
00:19:19,225 --> 00:19:22,195
Well, Balki, why don't we
start it up
321
00:19:22,228 --> 00:19:24,297
and take this baby
for a spin.
322
00:19:33,774 --> 00:19:35,509
Cousin, it started.
323
00:19:35,542 --> 00:19:39,345
Chalk up one more
for the Appleton System.
324
00:19:39,379 --> 00:19:41,247
Why don't we turn it off
and call it a victory?
325
00:19:41,281 --> 00:19:42,816
No, no, no, no.
326
00:19:42,849 --> 00:19:44,785
Put her into drive.
327
00:19:44,818 --> 00:19:49,289
That would be the d?
328
00:19:49,322 --> 00:19:53,493
Yes, it would.
329
00:19:53,527 --> 00:19:55,461
Perfect.
330
00:19:55,495 --> 00:19:58,965
Balki, you are about to drive
your very own car
331
00:19:58,999 --> 00:20:00,634
for the first time.
332
00:20:00,667 --> 00:20:03,436
This is a moment you'll
never forget.
333
00:20:03,469 --> 00:20:06,439
Cousin, thank you
for making it possible.
334
00:20:06,472 --> 00:20:08,742
Hey, don't thank me.
335
00:20:08,775 --> 00:20:12,946
Thank the Appleton Used
Car Rating System.
336
00:20:12,979 --> 00:20:15,749
Go ahead, Balki, step
on the gas.
337
00:20:33,534 --> 00:20:38,672
Cousin, in the Appleton System,
exactly when do
338
00:20:38,705 --> 00:20:41,374
you admit failure?
339
00:21:04,397 --> 00:21:07,000
Cousin, thank you for helping
me buy my first car.
340
00:21:07,033 --> 00:21:09,435
Actually, it was your second.
341
00:21:09,469 --> 00:21:11,805
No, I don't count
the first one.
342
00:21:11,838 --> 00:21:15,509
I never actually drove it,
forward.
343
00:21:18,679 --> 00:21:21,447
Well, I'm just glad
Honest Achmed gave ya
344
00:21:21,481 --> 00:21:23,449
a good deal on the trade‐in.
345
00:21:23,483 --> 00:21:27,420
Yeah, $150 for a car
that only drives backwards
346
00:21:27,453 --> 00:21:30,423
ain't bad.
347
00:21:30,456 --> 00:21:35,596
And I'm really happy
with the red car I just bought.
348
00:21:35,629 --> 00:21:39,365
Balki, I owe you an apology.
349
00:21:39,399 --> 00:21:42,035
I thought the Appleton System
was foolproof
350
00:21:42,068 --> 00:21:45,972
and that's why I couldn't admit
that...
351
00:21:46,006 --> 00:21:48,809
Your car was a lemon.
352
00:21:48,842 --> 00:21:54,047
No, cousin, it was
a sedan.
353
00:21:54,080 --> 00:21:59,820
And it was just about
the ugliest one I've ever seen
354
00:21:59,853 --> 00:22:01,955
in my life,
355
00:22:01,988 --> 00:22:03,557
except for that picture you
showed me
356
00:22:03,590 --> 00:22:05,091
of your first car.
357
00:22:05,125 --> 00:22:07,761
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
358
00:22:07,794 --> 00:22:09,429
My dad picked that car out.
359
00:22:09,462 --> 00:22:11,598
That car was reliable.
360
00:22:11,632 --> 00:22:14,100
Car was fuel efficient.
361
00:22:14,134 --> 00:22:19,405
Car was ugly.
362
00:22:19,439 --> 00:22:21,942
Oh, boy.
363
00:22:21,975 --> 00:22:25,712
You know something, I hated
that, I hated that car.
364
00:22:27,848 --> 00:22:31,051
But I could never tell my dad.
365
00:22:31,084 --> 00:22:32,719
Cousin, you know what I think?
366
00:22:32,753 --> 00:22:34,521
First thing in the morning,
you should call up
367
00:22:34,555 --> 00:22:39,860
your papa and get that piece
of your mind off your chest.
368
00:22:39,893 --> 00:22:42,996
You're right, I will, I will.
369
00:22:43,029 --> 00:22:48,101
And Balki, tomorrow,
when we go into work,
370
00:22:48,134 --> 00:22:51,404
we don't know anything about
that hole in the wall.