[theme music]
♪ Sometimes the world looks perfect ♪
♪ Nothing to rearrange ♪
♪ Sometimes you just get a feeling ♪
♪ Like you need some kind of change ♪
♪ No matter what the odds are this time ♪
♪ Nothings gonna stand in my way ♪
♪ This flame in my heart ♪
♪ Like a long lost friend ♪
♪ Gives every dark street a light at the end ♪
♪ Standing tall ♪
♪ On the wings of my dream ♪
♪ Rise and fall ♪
♪ On the wings of my dream ♪
♪ The rain and thunder ♪
♪ The wind and haze ♪
♪ I’m bound for better days ♪ ♪ Ah ah ♪
♪ It’s my life and my dream ♪
♪ And nothing’s gonna stop me now ♪
[music continues]
[instrumental music]
Balki, that was a wonderful Myposian dinner.
Oh. Heh heh.
Don’t spoil it for me by telling me what it was.
Okay, cousin.
The pig bladder au jus
will be my little secret.
[knocking on door]
I’ll get it.
‐Hi. ‐Hey, guys.
Um, Mary Anne and I are raising money for the Big Brothers.
[gasps] I love the Big Brothers!
First time I ever saw them
on "Saturday Night Live"
I said to myself, "Those guys are good."
No, no, Balki.
That’s the Blues Brothers.
Blues Brothers.
The Big Brothers is a charitable organization.
Men who belong to it act as big brothers
to boys who need fathers.
Oh‐h‐h.
We’re roller‐skating in a ten‐hour marathon
to help raise money for them.
A marathon? I love marathons.
Will you get to meet Jerry Lewis?
No, Balki. Marathon. Marathon.
Not a telethon.
Oh‐h‐h.
Anyway, uh, we thought
you guys might like to sponsor us.
You know, pledge money for every hour we skate.
Well, Balki and I will be happy to sponsor you.
Great.
[knocking on door]
I’ll get that.
How much do you want?
How much you got?
‐Hi. ‐Hi.
Hi, Jennifer, Mary Anne.
‐Hi, Grant. ‐Hey.
Uh, Larry, Balki...
...this is Grant Larkin.
‐How you do you? ‐Okay.
Grant’s a flight attendant on our crew.
Oh, I just came by to drop off my pledge sheets
for the skate‐a‐thon.
Thanks, Grant.
Grant is a terrific fund raiser.
Last year, this wonderful guy
raised $1,000 for Big Brothers.
‐Oh! You’re kidding me! ‐He’s just amazing.
‐You should have seen him. ‐For those little, tiny...
‐He’s incredible. ‐That’s wonderful!
‐It was nothing. ‐Oh!
Oh, you’re being modest.
It was more than anyone else raised.
[indistinct chattering]
Oh! Oh, a‐a skate‐a‐thon!
A roller‐skating marathon!
Y‐you know...instead of, uh, pledging money
I should be skating myself.
‐Do you roller‐skate? ‐’Do I roller‐skate?’
The kids used to call me
Wheels Appleton.
Kids can be so cruel.
No. No, no, they called me that because I was a terrific skater.
Larry, I never knew that.
Here. Here’s a pledge sheet.
That’s great. We need all the help we can get.
Well, I gotta go. I’ll see you guys on Saturday.
‐See you. ‐Great.
‐Bye. ‐It’s nice meeting you, Wheels.
‐Bye‐bye. ‐Bye.
Balki, why don’t you skate too?
Oh, I would love to, but‐but I don’t know how.
Well, maybe Wheels can teach you.
Would you, Wheels?
Why not?
[instrumental music]
(Balki) ’I’m so excited.’
Learning how to skate at the feet of Wheels Appleton.
Tell me, Wheels...
...how long will it take me to learn how to skate?
I don’t know.
Ha! How long did it take you to learn how to skate?
I don’t know.
I never had a pair of skates on before
in my life.
I‐I‐I hate to dig up a can of worms
but...don’t that mean you lied to Jennifer
about being able to skate?
Well, what was I supposed to do?
Let Grant raise all that money for charity
and‐and be a big hero for Jennifer?
Well, cousin, you can’t keep her by lying.
Lord knows you’ve tried.
And every time you do...
...you wind up with a pocketful of babastiki.
It’s time to talk about reality.
It’s time to talk about the hard facts.
It’s time to talk about the wrath of the Gabuggis.
"The Gabuggis?"
The Gabuggis...
...the Myposian fib furies.
Eva, Magda and Zsa Zsa.
They are the daughters of Vertash...
...God of Truth...
...and his lovely wife, Succotash.
Each of the Gabuggis...
...has one penetrating eye...
...right in the middle of her nose bridge...
...that sees everything.
And they punish those who dishonor truth
by telling lies.
Fascinating.
Balki, I’m sure I’ll be safe
f‐from the wrath of these Gabuggis...
...because I am doing a good thing.
I am helping children.
And even Eva, Magda and Zsa Zsa
won’t mind if I tell a teeny‐tiny, litsy‐bitsy
little white lie.
Pop!
To help children?
‐But, cousin, it’s‐‐ ‐Children.
Helping little children.
Cousin, you know, I‐I‐I...
...I know there’s an error in logic here somewhere
but I‐I‐I can’t put my finger on it.
Well, while you’re trying to figure out
where to put your finger...
...why don’t we learn how to skate?
‐Well, how we do that? ‐How?
I figure the quickest way to learn
is to keep these skates on
and never take them off.
Come on. Let’s give it a try.
It’ll be easy.
There. See? What did I tell you?
Well, we’re not moving yet.
If the sport was roller‐standing
we’d get a ten.
Alright.
Now we wanna start moving, okay?
‐Okay. ‐Here we go.
Huh?
‐See? ‐Yes.
[gasps]
Whoa...
[tapping skates]
See? Huh?
We are doing great!
[tapping skates]
Well, well, technically...
...we’re‐we’re not roller‐skating.
We’re still just roller‐walking.
All we need is a little speed.
[gasps]
There, you see?
[tapping skates]
Learning to roller‐skate
is just like learning to ride a bicycle.
All we need is speed.
Now...you give me a push.
[thumping]
[Larry screaming]
[shattering]
[Larry screaming]
[thumping]
(Larry) ’I’m fine.’
Larry’s good.
[instrumental music]
[telephone ringing]
[ringing continues]
[thud]
[ringing continues]
Hello?
Hello? Hello?
[clears throat]
There’s your mail, by the way.
Oh, cousin, skating is so simple.
And so grand.
So free.
So fluid.
So...
...swan‐like.
So light, so airy.
So cholesterol‐free.
I told you it was easy to learn.
[tapping skates]
You’re both on roller skates.
Did I miss a memo?
No, Mr. Gorpley. We’re‐we’re practicing.
We’re raising money for charity.
Charity begins at home. Practice there.
It’s for a good cause, Gorpley.
We’re in a skate‐a‐thon.
We’re‐we’re raising money for the Big Brothers.
You?
[laughing]
I hope they don’t need much.
[laughs]
Well, for your information...
...I have collected the most pledges.
Of course, you did.
Nobody thinks you’ll finish. Ha ha ha.
‐Oh, yeah? ‐Oh, ho ho ho.
Well, I intend to skate the full ten hours...
...and to raise more money than anyone else.
Now, cousin...
...that’s not going to happen.
Why?
Because you’re not lying to help children.
You’re lying to impress Jennifer.
And until you tell the truth...
...Eva, Magda and Zsa Zsa...
...will continue to be a thorn in your sideburns.
Balki, I am going to impress Jennifer.
And if the Gabuggis think they can stop me
let them try.
’Come on, ladies!’
Take your best shot.
I thought not.
[thud]
Cousin...
...you’re lucky.
That was Magda.
She’s the nicest one.
[instrumental music]
So...
...this is Skateland.
Not a professional rink, but I guess it’ll have to do.
The important thing is raising money for Big Brothers.
Larry, how did you manage to get $1,200 in pledges?
Even Grant couldn’t do that.
I guess some of us have it
and some of us don’t.
[imitating Larry] And some of us can’t get rid of it.
Jennifer, let’s go put on our skates.
‐Hi, Grant. ‐Hi, Wheels.
I’ll catch you later.
Cousin...
...this is your last chance
to tell Jennifer the truth.
The air is thick with Gabuggis.
Oh. Another Gabuggi update.
You know, Balki, I’m beginning to understand
why on Mypos a sheep can run for public office.
(male announcer) ’The skate‐a‐thon is underway!’
’Good luck, everybody!’
[instrumental music]
’Three hours to go!’
’Hang in there, skaters!’
[music continues]
’We’re in the homestretch!’
[music continues]
’Twenty seconds to go!’
You can do it, Larry!
‐Go, Balki! ‐Go, Larry!
Go, Balki!
Why can’t you ever cheer for my boyfriend?
Oh, okay. Go, Larry!
Are we moving?
Three.
Two.
One!
[buzzer buzzing]
I did it. I did it!
I raised more money than Grant.
Larry, you were wonderful.
Oh, Balki, did you hear that?
Jennifer thinks I’m wonderful.
You were wonderful too, Balki.
And my heart is pure.
I’m so proud of you, Larry.
Do you know you raised the most money?
Did I?
Well...it doesn’t matter
who raised the most money.
I never thought of this as a competition.
I just welcome the opportunity
to unselfishly devote my time
and skating ability to those in need.
[drumroll]
Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention, please?
Cunningham hardware has offered to donate $500
to the Big Brothers in the name of the person
who can jump the most barrels.
[indistinct chattering]
Well, their money is safe.
After ten hours, nobody’s got
the energy to do that.
I do.
‐You do? ‐Sure.
I’ll give it a shot.
This is exciting.
Jennifer, let’s go over there
where I can get a better picture.
No. This can’t be happening.
The skate‐a‐thon is over.
I won, and they’re taking a picture of Grant?
[intense music]
‐Come on, Grant! You can do it! ‐Come on, Grant! Go, Grant!
‐’Come on!’ ‐’You can do it!’
[crowd cheering]
[indistinct chattering]
[music continues]
[crowd cheering]
[crowd clapping]
[clapping continues]
Face it, cousin.
All your lying was for nothing.
But it’s still not too late
to save yourself from the wrath of the Gabuggis
by telling Jennifer the truth.
[sighs] Maybe you’re right.
‐Larry. ‐Jennifer.
Did you see Grant fly over those barrels?
It is the most beautiful thing I ever saw.
Add another barrel!
Larry, you jump barrels?
I’m from Wisconsin, the barrel‐jumping state.
I’m gonna get Mary Anne’s camera.
Cousin, no, no, no.
I can’t let you do this.
The Gabuggis, I had a feeling
have been just waiting to get you over a barrel.
Balki, I can’t let Grant beat me.
‐Now, get out of my way! ‐No, cousin.
I have to save you.
Oh, my Lord!
‐What? ‐Balki, you were right.
‐I see them. ‐Who?
‐The Gabuggis. ‐Where?
Over there!
[grunts]
[intense music]
‐Go, Larry! ‐Come on, Wheels.
‐’Come on, Wheels.’ ‐’You can do it.’
[crowd cheering]
[intense music]
[music continues]
[clanging]
[instrumental music]
[Larry grunting]
[grunting continues]
[sighs] Larry...
...I’m sure you’re a good skater
but you were crazy to try to jump that many barrels.
Jennifer, I have a confession to make.
Until four days ago
I never skated before in my life.
And Wisconsin is actually the dairy state.
And, uh, I’m not five foot ten.
Boy, when you come clean
you leave a ring around the tub.
Why did you lie to me, Larry?
I was just jealous of Grant.
Jealous of Grant?
Grant is a happily married man.
Well, you never mentioned he was married.
Well, I didn’t think it was important.
I guess I made a fool out of myself, Jennifer.
Well, you‐you didn’t...
...except for maybe the barrel‐jumping thing, but...
[sighs]
...at least you raised a lot of money
for the Big Brothers.
Thanks for that.
Balki, I had a wonderful time.
Maybe tomorrow you can come up
and we can play roller derby.
I’m counting the moments
my little lamb‐shank.
Well, bye, Larry.
We’ll see you guys tomorrow.
Oh, yeah. And by then I’ll have the pictures developed.
And then we can relive the whole thing.
Oh, good.
[grunts]
Ah!
I never should have lied, Balki.
‐That is correct. ‐You were right.
That is correct.
When I lie, something bad happens.
The Gabuggis make sure of that.
‐Are they still here? ‐No.
They slipped out the moment you told the truth.
Oh.
They’re probably on their way
back to Washington.
[theme music]