[theme song]
♪ Sometimes the world looks perfect ♪
♪ Nothing to rearrange ♪
♪ Sometimes you just get a feeling ♪
♪ Like you need some kinda change ♪
♪ No matter what the odds are this time ♪
♪ Nothing’s gonna stand in my way ♪
♪ This flame in my heart ♪
♪ Like a long lost friend ♪
♪ Gives every dark street a light at the end ♪
♪ Standing tall ♪
♪ On the wings of my dream ♪ ♪ Wings of my dream ♪
♪ Rise and fall ♪
♪ On the wings of my dream ♪ ♪ Wings of my dream ♪
♪ Through the rain and thunder ♪
♪ The wind and haze ♪
♪ I’m bound for better days ♪
♪ It’s my life and my dream ♪
♪ Nothing’s gonna stop me now ♪
[instrumental music]
[groans]
Hurry up, Balki. We’re gonna be late for work.
Oh, just a minute, cousin
I’m‐I’m almost finished with my breakfast.
[screams]
Is something wrong?
No.
Why?
You screamed.
Oh‐ho‐ho, that!
Well, um, as a matter of fact
I do have a little pain in my tooth, but it’s nothing.
Well, it doesn’t sound like nothing.
What does it feel like?
Well, ahem. It‐it feels like
someone is hammering
a huge nail...
...up...inside my head...
...and...twisting it...
‐I got it. ‐...and turning it.
I got it, I got the picture. I got the picture.
Balki, buddy, it sounds like you’ve got a cavity.
A cavity is a hole in your tooth.
When we get to the office I’ll call and make
an appointment for you with my dentist.
Oh, no! No, no, no, no, sir.
I’m not going to no dentist.
I’ll go on a liquid diet
I’ll have my jaw hot‐wired
but I’m not going to no dentist
not no way, not no how.
Oh, you would love it.
Oh, it’s too bad you don’t wanna go.
’Cause they let you sit in a chair that goes up and down.
Really?
Oh, and they spray water
in your mouth.
They do?
And when you leave they give you balloons!
Oh, a trip to the dentist is like a visit
to the amusement park.
It’s too bad you don’t wanna go.
I want to go to the dentist!
Well...okay, we’ll make an appointment for you.
Oh, thank you, cousin.
[instrumental music]
Aren’t you supposed to be making your afternoon deliveries?
I finished, Mr. Gorpley.
Aren’t you supposed to be sorting the mail?
I finished.
I want to be all ready
when Cousin Larry comes out and says
"It’s time to go to the dentist!"
You’re in a hurry to go to the dentist?
Cousin Larry says it’s more fun than an amusement park.
Well, actually, it’s more like the House of Horrors.
[laughing]
Especially when you see...the drill.
Cousin Larry didn’t mention...
...the drill.
The drill is the greatest instrument
of torture since alimony.
The dentist uses it to drill holes in your teeth.
Well, ain’t I the lucky one?
I won’t be needing the drill
because I already got a hole in my tooth.
See? See that?
See that?
Lovely.
Well, just wait until the dentist uses the drill
to make that hole bigger
and deeper
and wider...and...
[groaning]
God, I wish I hadn’t dropped out of dental college.
Well, have fun, Bartokomous, I’m going to lunch.
I’ll bring you back a jawbreaker.
[giggles]
Tooth bothering you, Balki?
You didn’t tell me about the drill.
‐Who told you about the drill? ‐Mr. Gorpley.
He tell me that the dentist is going to take a drill
and make the hole in my tooth bigger and wider and deeper
and that it’s going to hurt more than alimony.
And we all remember what happened at the alimony.
Did Mr. Gorpley scare you?
‐Well, he‐‐ ‐Did he scare you?
Are you scared... Are you scared of the dentist?
No, I’m not scared of the dentist
scared of the dentist.
However...I’ve decided
that I don’t need
to go to the dentist.
I can learn to live with the pain.
‐You can live with the pain? ‐Yes!
[screams]
You can’t live with the pain.
Balki, you’ve got to get your tooth taken care of now.
If you don’t, it’ll only hurt worse and be harder to fix.
But there’s‐there’s just one little problem.
‐What’s that? ‐I’m afraid.
Oh...
I know, I know you’re afraid
but‐but I...I wouldn’t make you do anything
that was bad for you.
Balki, remember the time you were afraid
to have your picture taken?
Yeah.
’Cause you thought the camera
was gonna steal part of your soul?
‐Yeah. ‐You remember what I said?
Yeah, you said, "Balki...
...don’t be stupid."
And you remember the time you were afraid
to get into the elevator?
Yeah.
Because you thought it would take you to the center
of the earth.
And you said, "Balki...
...don’t be stupid."
And now you ride the elevator all the time
and that’s what’s happening now.
I’m riding the elevator?
No.
You’re being stupid.
Thank you, cousin.
[instrumental music]
I like that.
Do it again.
One ride per visit, Balki.
This is his first time at the dentist.
Oh, I see.
I’m gonna put this little piece of film in your mouth.
Open up. Ah‐ha.
Bite down gently on the... No!
On the tab
and be sure to keep your mouth closed.
‐But‐‐ ‐No, no, no!
It’s very important
to keep your mouth closed.
I’m just gonna take some X‐rays of your tooth.
[Balki mumbling]
What?
He said, "X‐rays? We didn’t talk about X‐rays."
In this business you get used to people
talking with stuff in their mouths.
Well, nothing to worry about.
An X‐ray is an invisible beam that goes through your face
takes a picture of your tooth, goes right out the other side.
It’s completely safe.
[mumbling]
What?
He said, "What if the X‐ray gets stuck in my head
and makes a hole in my brain?"
Trust me.
[mumbling]
Well, you’ve got a good point there.
Uh, I’ll‐I’ll just take this
and, uh, I, I think I’ll let the doctor
look at him first and then we’ll take the X‐rays.
[chuckles]
You know, you’re really being a big baby about all this.
I’m sorry, cousin.
‐It’s okay. ‐Thank you.
Hmm.
Cousin...
...what, what is this?
Oh, look, here’s the air blower.
‐No, not, not... ‐Whoo!
[laughs]
‐No, no... ‐Whoo!
‐No, no, no, no.
No, no.
Not that, what is, what is this?
Oh, and here’s the water sprayer.
No, not the...
No that...
Not that, cousin.
What‐what is this?
Oh, and look, the saliva sucker.
No, not...
[groaning]
I’m just desperate to know...
...what is this.
Oh, that?
[whirring]
Would it be...
...the drill?
Yes, that’s the drill,
but it wont be painful.
It won’t hurt a bit after you’re shot.
I’m going to be shot?
No, no. No.
Nothing like that.
The‐the doctor is just gonna stick a needle
in your cheek.
‐I’m out of here. ‐Alright, no.
‐I’m out of here. ‐Just stay right there.
Hello, Larry, well, I hear we have a nervous patient.
Hello, doctor. Balki...
This is doctor Dr. Shukin.
Don’t you touch me.
I happen to be trained
in the marital art.
Stop it! Stop it!
He’s never had a cavity before.
Well, let’s take a look.
Now, open wide.
A little wider.
Al‐alright, alright. Look, I tell you what.
Why don’t I let the doctor look in my mouth first, okay?
And that way you’ll see that nothing bad is going to happen.
Alright? Hmm?
[mumbling]
Alright, now, open wide. Tell me if this hurts.
No.
How about this?
No. I told you it wouldn’t hurt.
This?
[screaming]
What are you doing?
You’ve lost a filling.
Well, fine, I’ll make an appointment for next month.
‐Balki, you’re up. ‐Oh, now, hold on, Larry.
You have to have this taken care of today
or it could get much worse.
[dramatic music]
[instrumental music]
Alright, now, I’m just going to numb you tooth
so I can work on it.
No needles! No needles!
But, Larry, this is just a little Novocain.
I don’t want any. I don’t like being numb.
Oh, cousin, you’re not dumb.
Well, I guess I’ll just have to give you gas.
Well, we did fill up the tank this morning, but...
...I suppose we could top it off.
Oh. No, no, no.
This is nitrous oxide. Wont hurt him.
He’ll just feel very relaxed
and maybe a little giggly.
How’s that feel, Larry?
Ah, it feels so much better.
So much better.
I mentioned how much better I feel.
Now you just relax, Larry, and I’ll be right back
after I check your X‐rays.
No problem.
Alright, Balki, we’re out of here.
Oh, no, you don’t!
Keep that on.
[gasping] What’re you doing?
Cousin, don’t you remember you said to me that
sometimes we have to do things that we’re afraid of
because it’s for our own good.
Alright, alright, alright.
Alright?
Balki, I am an adult.
I can make my own decisions.
And I have decided to leave and there is nothing you can do
to make me stay!
[hissing]
Well, now you’ve done it.
I hope you’re satisfied.
We can fix it.
[gas hissing]
[both laughing]
Shh. Shh. Shh.
Cousin, cousin, I can fix it.
[laughing continues]
I need something sharp.
‐Something sharp? ‐Yeah.
How about this?
I’ve been shot.
I think you’re down a quart!
[both laughing]
I think you’re down a quart!
Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
‐I got an idea. ‐What?
We don’t need no stinkin’ dentist.
‐You fill my tooth. ‐Okay.
♪ Oh po po ♪
♪ He will be drilling through my molars when he drills ♪
♪ He’ll be drilling through my molars... ♪
[muffled singing]
You know what?
‐You know what? ‐What?
There is not sufficient light in this room
for me to fill your tooth.
So...
[laughs]
So, you’re going to have to help me...
...move the chair.
Come on, I’ll help you out of the chair.
Okay, cousin, ready?
Ready? One, two, three.
[both grunting]
‐Better? ‐Much.
‐Okay. ‐Thank you.
Oh, gosh. Okay, now I’m gonna, gonna get that drill.
[laughing]
Cousin, cousin, I can’t feel my arm.
You sure? I can feel it.
[laughing continues]
Well, then, I must be okay.
Now I’m gonna go around the other side...
Oh, dear.
[whirring]
Now...
Now, let’s have a look!
Open wide!
Stop!
What’s going on here?
Well, if you must know
I am about to perform an Orel Hershiser.
[both laughing]
[instrumental music]
Well...it’s been a rich, full day, hasn’t it?
You got that right.
We got our teeth filled...
...I got this very handsome pair of gloves...
...and we learned how to clean up a dentist’s office.
You know...
...I would have thought Dr. Shukin would have been
more upset about the mess we made.
Well, you know, I‐I think it’s because he likes us.
I hear him tell his assistant that he was going to put
a little something extra on our bills.
That’s fair.
Cousin, I want to thank you for making me go to the dentist
even though I didn’t want to.
Well, like I said...
...sometimes you have to do things you’re afraid of.
Yeah, and when you do...
...it’s nice to have a friend there to help you.
I’m glad you were with me.
Well, I’m glad you were with me.
If you weren’t, I never would have gotten over my fear
of needles.
Boy, that Novacaine is powerful stuff!
Boy, tell me about it.
I didn’t feel a thing.
So, cousin, going to the dentist
wasn’t all that bad.
But I can think about lot better ways to spend an afternoon.
Yeah. I’ll drink to that.
Careful, Balki.
You’re dribbling all over yourself.
[instrumental music]
[theme music]
[music continues]