1
00:00:01,167 --> 00:00:03,103
[theme music]

2
00:00:11,477 --> 00:00:14,748
♪ Sometimes the world
looks perfect ♪

3
00:00:14,781 --> 00:00:17,450
♪ Nothing to rearrange ♪

4
00:00:17,483 --> 00:00:20,386
♪ Sometimes you just
get a feeling ♪

5
00:00:20,420 --> 00:00:24,691
♪ Like you need
some kind of change ♪

6
00:00:24,725 --> 00:00:28,461
♪ No matter what the odds
are this time ♪

7
00:00:28,494 --> 00:00:30,731
♪ Nothing’s gonna stand
in my way ♪

8
00:00:30,764 --> 00:00:34,200
♪ This flame in my heart
like a long lost friend ♪

9
00:00:34,234 --> 00:00:39,339
♪ Gives every dark street
a light at the end ♪

10
00:00:39,372 --> 00:00:46,212
♪ Standing tall
on the wings of my dream ♪

11
00:00:46,246 --> 00:00:52,619
♪ Rise and fall
on the wings of my dream ♪

12
00:00:52,653 --> 00:00:56,089
♪ Through the rain and thunder
the wind and haze ♪

13
00:00:56,122 --> 00:00:59,459
♪ I’m bound for better days ♪

14
00:00:59,492 --> 00:01:02,729
♪ It’s my life my dream ♪

15
00:01:02,763 --> 00:01:06,099
♪ And nothing’s gonna
stop me now ♪

16
00:01:15,842 --> 00:01:17,511
[instrumental music]

17
00:01:35,428 --> 00:01:36,763
[sighs]

18
00:01:38,932 --> 00:01:40,667
[knocking]

19
00:01:44,270 --> 00:01:46,439
Dad, it’s good to see you.

20
00:01:46,472 --> 00:01:49,342
Oh, oh.
Oh, put me down.

21
00:01:51,845 --> 00:01:54,781
Uh, dad,
uh, this is Balki.

22
00:01:54,815 --> 00:01:56,883
And this is my apartment.

23
00:01:58,585 --> 00:02:01,454
Oh, no, no.
I didn’t hire a decorator.

24
00:02:01,487 --> 00:02:03,189
I did this all myself.

25
00:02:04,324 --> 00:02:05,592
Oh, this?

26
00:02:05,626 --> 00:02:07,761
This is my scrapbook.

27
00:02:07,794 --> 00:02:10,564
Yeah, I keep all my newspaper
articles in here.

28
00:02:10,597 --> 00:02:11,865
This is Volume One.

29
00:02:11,898 --> 00:02:14,701
Volume Two is, uh,
still being bound.

30
00:02:14,735 --> 00:02:17,871
Hmm? Oh.
Oh, yeah, the trophies.

31
00:02:17,904 --> 00:02:19,706
Yeah, well,
they’re really starting to...

32
00:02:21,908 --> 00:02:23,777
...stack up, aren’t they?

33
00:02:23,810 --> 00:02:27,313
Oh, this one?
Yeah, this is my pride and joy.

34
00:02:27,347 --> 00:02:29,650
I won this playing softball.

35
00:02:29,683 --> 00:02:31,952
I took a ragtag team
of rank amateurs

36
00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:35,355
all the way to the Park District
Softball Championship.

37
00:02:35,388 --> 00:02:36,523
Cousin?

38
00:02:38,692 --> 00:02:41,194
I hate to interrupt
your talk with your...

39
00:02:42,328 --> 00:02:44,565
...invisible friend...

40
00:02:44,598 --> 00:02:47,534
...but your‐your papa’s
going to be here any minute.

41
00:02:47,568 --> 00:02:50,270
Yeah, I was just practicing,
uh, what I’m gonna say to him.

42
00:02:50,303 --> 00:02:51,972
Oh, what a great idea.
I’ll help you.

43
00:02:52,005 --> 00:02:53,239
Yeah, what’s in the bag?

44
00:02:53,273 --> 00:02:56,309
Oh, cousin, I got...

45
00:02:56,342 --> 00:02:59,546
...the biggest cheese wheel
I could find.

46
00:02:59,580 --> 00:03:02,282
You should have seen
the cheese car I took it off of.

47
00:03:07,954 --> 00:03:10,490
Well, that’s great.
Dad loves a good cheese wheel.

48
00:03:10,524 --> 00:03:12,659
Cousin, you know what
I thought I would do?

49
00:03:12,693 --> 00:03:15,629
I thought I would take
this cheese wheel

50
00:03:15,662 --> 00:03:18,865
and‐and cut it up
into little geometric shapes.

51
00:03:18,899 --> 00:03:22,302
You know, uh, circles,
uh, rectangles.

52
00:03:22,335 --> 00:03:25,539
Maybe a trapezoid
or a rhombus.

53
00:03:25,572 --> 00:03:28,709
Balki, cheese wheels are always
cut in triangular wedges.

54
00:03:28,742 --> 00:03:30,443
Well, I beg to take issue.

55
00:03:30,476 --> 00:03:33,013
Balki, how many cheese wheels
have you cut in your lifetime?

56
00:03:33,046 --> 00:03:35,882
‐Well, eh, cousin‐‐
‐How many? How many?

57
00:03:35,916 --> 00:03:37,851
How many cheese wheels,
how many cheese wheels

58
00:03:37,884 --> 00:03:40,587
have you cut
in your lifetime?

59
00:03:43,657 --> 00:03:46,560
‐None.
‐None? As in zero?

60
00:03:46,593 --> 00:03:49,863
As in never ever have you cut
a cheese wheel in your lifetime?

61
00:03:51,598 --> 00:03:53,366
This would have been my first.

62
00:03:55,869 --> 00:03:57,971
Well, I’m from Wisconsin,
the cheese wheel state

63
00:03:58,004 --> 00:04:00,941
and we always cut cheese wheels
in triangular wedges.

64
00:04:00,974 --> 00:04:04,044
Not circles, not rectangles,
not trapezoids

65
00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:06,880
and never, ever, ever...

66
00:04:08,749 --> 00:04:10,283
...a rhombus.

67
00:04:18,759 --> 00:04:20,026
Cousin?

68
00:04:23,797 --> 00:04:24,931
Cousin...

69
00:04:25,899 --> 00:04:28,434
...th‐this is very disturbing.

70
00:04:28,468 --> 00:04:32,038
Usually geometric discussions
have a calming effect on you.

71
00:04:33,540 --> 00:04:35,909
I’m just a little tensed
about my dad’s visit.

72
00:04:35,942 --> 00:04:38,845
I want this visit to be perfect.

73
00:04:38,879 --> 00:04:42,448
This is my chance to show dad
I’ve made it on my own.

74
00:04:42,482 --> 00:04:44,317
When he sees the life
I’ve made for myself

75
00:04:44,350 --> 00:04:47,588
he’ll be so proud of me,
he’ll say, "Well done, son."

76
00:04:48,922 --> 00:04:50,724
Wh‐when I was a kid,
I used to live

77
00:04:50,757 --> 00:04:52,626
for a "well done, son."

78
00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:57,397
‐I never got one.
‐Oh!

79
00:04:57,430 --> 00:05:00,033
Except for the one time I asked
dad how he wanted his steak.

80
00:05:01,535 --> 00:05:02,669
[knock on door]

81
00:05:02,703 --> 00:05:05,005
Oh, that must be dad.

82
00:05:05,038 --> 00:05:06,372
Woo.

83
00:05:11,011 --> 00:05:12,378
This is it.

84
00:05:14,915 --> 00:05:16,650
‐Dad.
‐Lawrence.

85
00:05:19,620 --> 00:05:21,522
It is good to see you, son.

86
00:05:21,555 --> 00:05:23,056
Good to see you too, dad.

87
00:05:23,089 --> 00:05:24,424
Well, this is for you.

88
00:05:24,457 --> 00:05:27,661
A genuine
Wisconsin cheese wheel.

89
00:05:27,694 --> 00:05:29,462
Don’t cut it
into triangular wedges.

90
00:05:29,495 --> 00:05:31,565
It dries out.

91
00:05:31,598 --> 00:05:34,768
Right you are, dad.
Uh, dad, this is Balki.

92
00:05:34,801 --> 00:05:36,737
Balki.

93
00:05:36,770 --> 00:05:38,872
Uncle Walter.

94
00:05:38,905 --> 00:05:41,708
Uncle Walter, I’ve been looking
forward to‐to seeing you

95
00:05:41,742 --> 00:05:43,376
for a sheepdog’s age.

96
00:05:43,409 --> 00:05:45,478
And you’re everything
I thought you would be.

97
00:05:45,512 --> 00:05:47,548
Only taller.

98
00:05:47,581 --> 00:05:49,916
Well, uh,
height runs in the family.

99
00:05:51,484 --> 00:05:52,753
Usually.

100
00:05:55,088 --> 00:05:58,925
Well, so, dad, uh, what do you
think, uh, of my apartment?

101
00:05:58,959 --> 00:06:00,661
Well...

102
00:06:00,694 --> 00:06:02,395
Hope you didn’t hire
a decorator.

103
00:06:02,428 --> 00:06:04,130
Oh, no, I didn’t hire
a decorator.

104
00:06:04,164 --> 00:06:06,099
I did this all my‐myself.

105
00:06:12,438 --> 00:06:15,375
[instrumental music]

106
00:06:17,443 --> 00:06:18,679
Where do you want
these snacks, Larry?

107
00:06:18,712 --> 00:06:19,813
On the dining room table.

108
00:06:19,846 --> 00:06:22,015
Uh, finger food
goes on the coffee table.

109
00:06:23,449 --> 00:06:24,450
Good point, dad.

110
00:06:24,484 --> 00:06:26,587
Finger food goes
on the coffee table, Jennifer.

111
00:06:30,924 --> 00:06:32,425
Excuse me, Lawrence.

112
00:06:32,458 --> 00:06:34,761
Ladies, let me show you
the Appleton method

113
00:06:34,795 --> 00:06:35,829
of folding napkins.

114
00:06:35,862 --> 00:06:38,532
I can show you
the threefold star

115
00:06:38,565 --> 00:06:40,901
’or the Appleton tulip.
Neither aren’t easy...’

116
00:06:40,934 --> 00:06:43,970
Cousin, I bet
your papa will say it

117
00:06:44,004 --> 00:06:46,540
when he tastes your onion dip.

118
00:06:46,573 --> 00:06:48,642
Say what?

119
00:06:48,675 --> 00:06:51,077
Well done, son.

120
00:06:51,111 --> 00:06:53,880
Oh, Balki, I’m sure he’ll say it
when I deserve it.

121
00:06:53,914 --> 00:06:55,549
He doesn’t just throw
around well dones

122
00:06:55,582 --> 00:06:57,551
for‐for the heck of it.

123
00:06:57,584 --> 00:06:59,553
Well, you know, cousin,
I‐I’ve noticed

124
00:06:59,586 --> 00:07:01,087
he is rather thrifty

125
00:07:01,121 --> 00:07:03,489
with his "well done,
sons" and...

126
00:07:04,791 --> 00:07:08,862
...so generous with his
"not that way, Lawrences."

127
00:07:10,864 --> 00:07:13,233
He’s just being helpful.
Dad’s great that way.

128
00:07:13,266 --> 00:07:14,801
He spots what I’m doing wrong

129
00:07:14,835 --> 00:07:16,903
and shows me
how to do it his way.

130
00:07:18,138 --> 00:07:20,874
Like, like the same way
you help me.

131
00:07:20,907 --> 00:07:21,975
Exactly.

132
00:07:23,176 --> 00:07:24,978
Come on.
Let’s go sit down.

133
00:07:26,813 --> 00:07:29,049
You must be very proud
of Larry, Mr. Appleton.

134
00:07:29,082 --> 00:07:31,084
You know, "The Chronicle"
doesn’t pick just anybody

135
00:07:31,117 --> 00:07:33,219
for its Investigative Reporting
team.

136
00:07:33,253 --> 00:07:36,557
Oh, I was very impressed
with that.

137
00:07:36,590 --> 00:07:39,059
‐You were?
‐Oh, you bet.

138
00:07:39,092 --> 00:07:40,827
Of course,
when it comes to reporting

139
00:07:40,861 --> 00:07:42,796
television’s the place to be.

140
00:07:44,665 --> 00:07:47,534
Television, right.
Thanks for the advice, dad.

141
00:07:47,568 --> 00:07:49,870
Well, I try. After all,
what’s a father for?

142
00:07:51,171 --> 00:07:54,174
You know, my father
was for higher mutton prices.

143
00:07:56,843 --> 00:07:59,580
I just remember all the fun
I had with my father.

144
00:07:59,613 --> 00:08:00,947
He used to take me everywhere.

145
00:08:00,981 --> 00:08:03,817
To the lake, to the golf course,
to ball games.

146
00:08:03,850 --> 00:08:05,852
Oh, I did the same thing
with Lawrence.

147
00:08:05,886 --> 00:08:08,689
Do you remember that time
the Yankees played the White Sox

148
00:08:08,722 --> 00:08:10,223
and we drove down to Chicago?

149
00:08:10,256 --> 00:08:13,560
I got us box seats
right behind the Yankee dugout?

150
00:08:13,594 --> 00:08:14,961
How could I forget?

151
00:08:14,995 --> 00:08:17,163
I still have the bat
Mickey Mantle autographed.

152
00:08:17,197 --> 00:08:20,667
[chuckles]
We had such fun that day.

153
00:08:20,701 --> 00:08:22,903
It wasn’t Mickey Mantle.
It was Roger Maris.

154
00:08:22,936 --> 00:08:26,707
Oh, remember the time I took you
to the circus in Milwaukee?

155
00:08:26,740 --> 00:08:28,775
Oh, I love the circus.

156
00:08:28,809 --> 00:08:31,712
Show me 50 clowns
in a flaming Volkswagen

157
00:08:31,745 --> 00:08:34,247
and I’m a happy Mypiot.

158
00:08:34,280 --> 00:08:36,717
Uh, dad.

159
00:08:36,750 --> 00:08:39,052
It was Mickey Mantle.

160
00:08:39,085 --> 00:08:40,220
’A‐and I can prove it.’

161
00:08:40,253 --> 00:08:42,856
I have the bat
right here in the closet.

162
00:08:42,889 --> 00:08:43,990
Uh...

163
00:08:45,258 --> 00:08:48,228
Cousin, cousin,
the bat’s in the basement.

164
00:08:48,261 --> 00:08:49,462
No, Balki,
the bat’s in the closet.

165
00:08:49,495 --> 00:08:52,165
‐The bat’s in the basement.
‐The bat’s in the closet.

166
00:08:52,198 --> 00:08:54,100
The bat’s in the basement.

167
00:08:54,134 --> 00:08:55,802
The bat’s in the closet.

168
00:08:58,138 --> 00:08:59,740
[rattling]

169
00:09:03,076 --> 00:09:04,745
The bat’s in the basement.

170
00:09:07,180 --> 00:09:11,351
Lawrence, it doesn’t matter
who signed the bat.

171
00:09:11,384 --> 00:09:13,620
Let’s get ready for the party.

172
00:09:13,654 --> 00:09:15,221
But it was Roger Maris.

173
00:09:16,823 --> 00:09:18,258
Mickey Mantle.

174
00:09:18,291 --> 00:09:21,261
Dad, uh, you taught me
that being right is important

175
00:09:21,294 --> 00:09:23,096
and I’m right about this.

176
00:09:23,129 --> 00:09:26,099
Alright, let’s go down
to the basement and find out.

177
00:09:28,101 --> 00:09:30,737
Good idea, uh, if anybody comes
while we’re gone

178
00:09:30,771 --> 00:09:32,806
just tell ’em
we’ll be right back.

179
00:09:32,839 --> 00:09:34,641
Come on, Balki,
you seem to be the only one

180
00:09:34,675 --> 00:09:36,109
who knows where this bat is.

181
00:09:38,879 --> 00:09:40,647
Lawrence, I remember it
distinctly.

182
00:09:40,681 --> 00:09:43,917
Roger Maris was standing by the
dugout. You didn’t even see him.

183
00:09:43,950 --> 00:09:46,953
I had to tell you, "Have
Roger Maris sign your bat."

184
00:09:46,987 --> 00:09:48,822
‐Mickey Mantle.
‐Roger Maris.

185
00:09:48,855 --> 00:09:49,890
‐Mickey Mantle.
‐Roger Maris.

186
00:09:49,923 --> 00:09:51,357
‐Mickey Mantle.
‐Roger Maris.

187
00:09:51,391 --> 00:09:52,959
Tastes great. Less filling.

188
00:09:52,993 --> 00:09:54,595
Tastes great. Less filling.

189
00:09:56,162 --> 00:09:58,098
I just got caught up
in the rhythm.

190
00:10:01,668 --> 00:10:02,969
Alright, here it is.

191
00:10:03,003 --> 00:10:05,238
‐Roger Maris, right?
‐No.

192
00:10:08,274 --> 00:10:11,878
‐"Joey Dolan."
‐Who’s Joey Dolan?

193
00:10:11,912 --> 00:10:14,047
Look, he‐he autographed
the ball too.

194
00:10:14,080 --> 00:10:16,382
"Joey Dolan, bat boy."

195
00:10:18,051 --> 00:10:20,654
You thought the bat boy
was Roger Maris?

196
00:10:22,122 --> 00:10:24,257
No, I thought the bat boy
was Mickey Mantle.

197
00:10:25,892 --> 00:10:28,128
I thought the bat boy
was Batman’s son.

198
00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:33,333
It’s an easy mistake, son.

199
00:10:33,366 --> 00:10:35,101
Baseball never was your sport.

200
00:10:35,135 --> 00:10:37,337
Oh, I don’t know about that.

201
00:10:37,370 --> 00:10:40,807
Cousin Larry knows an awful lot
about baseball.

202
00:10:40,841 --> 00:10:45,045
He taught me how to swing
this old hickory stick

203
00:10:45,078 --> 00:10:47,981
so I could just knock
that horsehide

204
00:10:48,014 --> 00:10:50,350
right into the next county.

205
00:10:50,383 --> 00:10:52,919
You show a lot
of natural ability, Balki.

206
00:10:52,953 --> 00:10:55,822
Oh, thank you, Uncle Walter.

207
00:10:55,856 --> 00:10:57,691
But whoever taught you
that stance

208
00:10:57,724 --> 00:10:59,159
didn’t know what he was doing.

209
00:11:00,794 --> 00:11:04,698
I taught him that stance,
and you taught it to me.

210
00:11:04,731 --> 00:11:07,701
Here, you‐you crouch
like Stan Musial

211
00:11:07,734 --> 00:11:09,803
squint like Ted Williams

212
00:11:09,836 --> 00:11:11,805
stride like Mickey Mantle.

213
00:11:13,273 --> 00:11:15,308
Swing like Grandma Moses.

214
00:11:17,410 --> 00:11:21,047
Well, you know, dad, I’ve done
pretty well with that swing.

215
00:11:21,081 --> 00:11:23,449
To prove it, I’ve got
that trophy on my mantel.

216
00:11:23,483 --> 00:11:25,085
‐Maris.
‐Mantel.

217
00:11:25,118 --> 00:11:27,153
‐Maris.
‐Mantel. Will you stop it?

218
00:11:29,122 --> 00:11:32,759
Uh, no offense, son,
but with that swing

219
00:11:32,793 --> 00:11:35,028
I’ll bet even I could throw
the ball by you.

220
00:11:36,763 --> 00:11:38,765
Well, there’s a ball
right there.

221
00:11:38,799 --> 00:11:40,867
If you feel lucky, dad,
let’s see what you can do.

222
00:11:42,503 --> 00:11:44,070
You’re on.

223
00:11:52,478 --> 00:11:55,949
‐Oh, you know, cousin, I‐‐
‐Balki, Balki, Balki, Balki.

224
00:11:55,982 --> 00:11:56,817
‐’Yes.’
‐You can bat next.

225
00:11:56,850 --> 00:11:57,984
‐Oh, no, that’s nothing.
‐’Balki.’

226
00:11:58,018 --> 00:11:59,052
‐I want to tell you something‐‐
‐’Balki, Balki‐‐’

227
00:11:59,085 --> 00:12:01,788
Let me just tell you something.
Cousin, cousin.

228
00:12:01,822 --> 00:12:03,223
Get out of the way.

229
00:12:03,256 --> 00:12:04,725
’Get out of the way.’

230
00:12:09,295 --> 00:12:11,231
Okay. Here it comes.

231
00:12:11,264 --> 00:12:14,234
Nothing fancy. Just smoke.

232
00:12:14,267 --> 00:12:15,335
‐’Cousin, let me just‐‐’
‐Balki.

233
00:12:15,368 --> 00:12:18,004
‐Just let me say something‐‐
‐Balki. Balki. Balki.

234
00:12:18,038 --> 00:12:19,472
‐One thing.
‐Later.

235
00:12:19,506 --> 00:12:21,141
Let her rip, dad.

236
00:12:32,452 --> 00:12:33,887
[clanking]

237
00:12:46,567 --> 00:12:48,234
What did you wanna say, Balki?

238
00:12:48,268 --> 00:12:49,970
‐Well, I wanted to say...
‐Hmm...

239
00:12:50,003 --> 00:12:51,972
"Cousin Larry,
you’re standing too close

240
00:12:52,005 --> 00:12:53,039
to the water pipe."

241
00:12:53,073 --> 00:12:55,909
But now,
that seems rather obvious.

242
00:13:00,413 --> 00:13:02,215
Oh, I don’t think
it’s very serious.

243
00:13:02,248 --> 00:13:03,950
Just a simple repair job.

244
00:13:03,984 --> 00:13:05,285
Oh, God.

245
00:13:07,253 --> 00:13:09,255
Well, we better go tell
the janitor anyway.

246
00:13:09,289 --> 00:13:11,825
[speaking in foreign language]

247
00:13:27,541 --> 00:13:29,109
[rattling]

248
00:13:33,580 --> 00:13:36,382
‐Balki, open the door.
‐Cousin, I would love to.

249
00:13:36,416 --> 00:13:38,552
But there’s one
little difficulty.

250
00:13:38,585 --> 00:13:40,621
The door is locked.

251
00:13:40,654 --> 00:13:42,155
We can’t get out.

252
00:13:52,232 --> 00:13:53,834
[instrumental music]

253
00:13:59,673 --> 00:14:03,409
‐Help.
‐Help.

254
00:14:06,179 --> 00:14:09,482
‐Help.
‐Help.

255
00:14:12,385 --> 00:14:15,956
Help.

256
00:14:19,660 --> 00:14:21,327
It’s no use.
The door’s solid.

257
00:14:21,361 --> 00:14:23,429
No one can hear us.

258
00:14:23,463 --> 00:14:24,531
Don’t worry, Lawrence.

259
00:14:24,565 --> 00:14:27,901
You’ve gotten us
into bigger jams than this one.

260
00:14:27,934 --> 00:14:29,435
If we don’t come back,
Jennifer and Mary Anne

261
00:14:29,469 --> 00:14:32,172
will come down and let us out,
so there’s no harm done.

262
00:14:32,205 --> 00:14:35,075
Well, you know, I think we can
count on some water damage.

263
00:14:36,943 --> 00:14:39,379
No problem, all we have to do
to stop the leak

264
00:14:39,412 --> 00:14:42,348
is turn off the valve.
Presto, no more leak.

265
00:14:43,483 --> 00:14:45,351
Oh, I’ll do it, dad.

266
00:14:51,424 --> 00:14:52,659
[grunting]

267
00:14:56,462 --> 00:14:58,298
It‐it‐it won’t turn, dad.

268
00:14:58,331 --> 00:15:00,166
Well, no wonder, it’s rusted.

269
00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:02,536
And how do we get rid
of rust, son?

270
00:15:02,569 --> 00:15:04,137
We knock it off with a hammer.

271
00:15:04,170 --> 00:15:06,573
‐Right.
‐I’ll get one.

272
00:15:06,607 --> 00:15:09,676
Uh, uh, cousin, cousin. Oh!

273
00:15:09,710 --> 00:15:11,712
‐Uh, U‐Uncle Walter.
‐Yes.

274
00:15:11,745 --> 00:15:13,580
Hitting it with a hammer?

275
00:15:13,614 --> 00:15:16,049
Doesn’t that seem
like a‐a rather violent way

276
00:15:16,082 --> 00:15:17,551
to deal with rust?

277
00:15:17,584 --> 00:15:20,521
‐Oh, you think so?
‐Yes, I do.

278
00:15:20,554 --> 00:15:22,288
Tell me, Balki.

279
00:15:22,322 --> 00:15:25,291
How many leaks have you
fixed in your lifetime?

280
00:15:27,594 --> 00:15:29,062
‐Uh...
‐How many?

281
00:15:29,095 --> 00:15:30,564
‐Well...
‐How many?

282
00:15:30,597 --> 00:15:33,199
How many leaks,
how many leaks

283
00:15:33,233 --> 00:15:36,703
have you fixed
in your lifetime?

284
00:15:36,737 --> 00:15:38,038
Um...

285
00:15:39,172 --> 00:15:42,242
‐None.
‐None? As in zero?

286
00:15:42,275 --> 00:15:46,412
As in never ever have you fixed
a leak in your lifetime?

287
00:15:48,448 --> 00:15:49,482
‐That is correct.
‐Oh!

288
00:15:49,516 --> 00:15:53,253
You see, I’ve always worked
with an Appleton.

289
00:15:55,121 --> 00:15:56,122
Let’s listen to dad, Balki.

290
00:15:56,156 --> 00:15:58,058
He taught me everything
I know about plumbing.

291
00:15:58,091 --> 00:15:59,492
That’s what worries me.

292
00:16:03,764 --> 00:16:05,365
We’re in good hands.

293
00:16:07,634 --> 00:16:09,636
Dad uses tools like a surgeon.

294
00:16:12,138 --> 00:16:13,206
[clanking]

295
00:16:21,548 --> 00:16:23,483
Looks like the surgeon
lost a patient.

296
00:16:30,090 --> 00:16:33,193
And then, after Larry’s father
separated the crackers

297
00:16:33,226 --> 00:16:35,596
by size, shape, and flavor...

298
00:16:35,629 --> 00:16:37,631
...he counted the toothpicks

299
00:16:37,664 --> 00:16:40,601
separating the round ones
from the flat ones.

300
00:16:40,634 --> 00:16:41,735
’Anyway, next he and Larry got’

301
00:16:41,768 --> 00:16:43,403
into some fight
about a silly bat

302
00:16:43,436 --> 00:16:45,205
and they went down
to the basement to find it.

303
00:16:45,238 --> 00:16:46,272
Where are they?

304
00:16:46,306 --> 00:16:47,340
It shouldn’t take this long

305
00:16:47,373 --> 00:16:48,474
to find a baseball bat.

306
00:16:48,509 --> 00:16:51,177
You’ve got two compulsives
and an idiot down there.

307
00:16:51,211 --> 00:16:53,213
For all we know, they could
be tunneling to China.

308
00:16:53,246 --> 00:16:54,748
[laughing]

309
00:16:57,483 --> 00:16:59,319
I think I’ll‐I’ll go downstairs

310
00:16:59,352 --> 00:17:00,721
and see what’s taking them
so long.

311
00:17:00,754 --> 00:17:02,756
Well, tell them not to hurry
on my account.

312
00:17:08,194 --> 00:17:09,730
Let’s analyze the problem.

313
00:17:09,763 --> 00:17:11,765
What is causing the flooding?

314
00:17:13,567 --> 00:17:14,735
Balki.

315
00:17:15,769 --> 00:17:18,572
My guess would be...water.

316
00:17:20,340 --> 00:17:22,208
Good, Balki, good.

317
00:17:22,242 --> 00:17:23,644
Alright. Let’s think.

318
00:17:27,681 --> 00:17:31,585
‐All basements have drains.
‐Right.

319
00:17:31,618 --> 00:17:34,354
But the water isn’t running off.

320
00:17:34,387 --> 00:17:37,490
Which means a stopped up drain.

321
00:17:38,559 --> 00:17:40,226
Right.

322
00:17:40,260 --> 00:17:41,728
You are listening to the master.

323
00:17:41,762 --> 00:17:43,363
Shh. Shh.
I’m listening.

324
00:17:45,165 --> 00:17:48,368
All we have to do is find it,
free it

325
00:17:48,401 --> 00:17:50,403
and presto, no more flood.

326
00:17:50,436 --> 00:17:51,705
Lawrence, you look over there.

327
00:17:51,738 --> 00:17:53,607
Uh, Balki,
you look around in there

328
00:17:53,640 --> 00:17:55,075
and I’ll look over here.

329
00:17:56,543 --> 00:18:00,614
♪ I’m singin’ in the rain ♪

330
00:18:00,647 --> 00:18:04,685
♪ Just singin’ in the rain ♪

331
00:18:04,718 --> 00:18:08,321
♪ What a glorious feeling ♪

332
00:18:08,354 --> 00:18:10,190
♪ I’m happy again ♪

333
00:18:10,223 --> 00:18:11,291
Balki.

334
00:18:11,324 --> 00:18:12,793
♪ The clouds in the sky ♪

335
00:18:12,826 --> 00:18:14,394
Balki.

336
00:18:14,427 --> 00:18:15,529
Balki.

337
00:18:17,297 --> 00:18:18,865
‐We can play later.
‐But I‐I‐‐

338
00:18:18,899 --> 00:18:20,466
Later.

339
00:18:20,500 --> 00:18:22,235
After we find the drain.

340
00:18:43,690 --> 00:18:45,926
Ow. Ow. Ow.

341
00:18:45,959 --> 00:18:48,194
Ow. Ow.

342
00:18:48,228 --> 00:18:49,630
‐Get it off.
‐Oh, my goodness.

343
00:18:49,663 --> 00:18:51,698
‐Get it off.
‐Does that hurt much?

344
00:18:51,732 --> 00:18:53,433
Get it off.

345
00:18:55,836 --> 00:18:57,170
Ow.

346
00:19:01,842 --> 00:19:03,610
Well...

347
00:19:03,644 --> 00:19:05,378
...we know the drain’s
not over there.

348
00:19:11,251 --> 00:19:13,353
‐Larry, what’s taking so long?
‐Don’t let the door close.

349
00:19:13,386 --> 00:19:15,321
Uh, the door locks
from the outside.

350
00:19:21,261 --> 00:19:22,596
Let’s get out of here.

351
00:19:23,997 --> 00:19:25,799
Larry, what happened here?

352
00:19:27,834 --> 00:19:29,670
Dad hit the valve with a hammer.

353
00:19:29,703 --> 00:19:32,873
Only after Lawrence hit the pipe
with a bat.

354
00:19:32,906 --> 00:19:34,575
You were playing
some kind of game?

355
00:19:35,909 --> 00:19:38,779
Yeah, baseball.
Appleton style.

356
00:19:45,986 --> 00:19:48,321
Wow. I didn’t know
there was a pool down here.

357
00:19:50,657 --> 00:19:53,359
This is a dangerous place
for a fire extinguisher.

358
00:19:53,393 --> 00:19:54,895
(all)
No!

359
00:19:55,862 --> 00:19:57,330
[door closes]

360
00:19:58,532 --> 00:20:00,567
Mary Anne,
the fire extinguisher

361
00:20:00,601 --> 00:20:02,435
was holding the door open.

362
00:20:02,468 --> 00:20:03,737
Now we’re locked in.

363
00:20:05,405 --> 00:20:06,907
Well, gee, tell a person.

364
00:20:09,342 --> 00:20:11,712
I‐it’s alright,
when we don’t come back

365
00:20:11,745 --> 00:20:14,848
Lydia and Mr. Gorpley will come
down here and let us out.

366
00:20:16,817 --> 00:20:19,452
In the meantime,
let’s get back to work.

367
00:20:29,429 --> 00:20:30,597
I think I found it.

368
00:20:31,865 --> 00:20:34,635
Is it, is it usually
about a foot wide?

369
00:20:34,668 --> 00:20:37,037
‐Yes.
‐Does it have grating on top?

370
00:20:37,070 --> 00:20:38,672
Yes. Yes.

371
00:20:38,705 --> 00:20:41,908
Well, then, here it is.

372
00:20:41,942 --> 00:20:43,744
Oh, there’s my hibachi.

373
00:20:46,012 --> 00:20:48,849
Why are you guys
looking for a hibachi?

374
00:20:48,882 --> 00:20:51,484
We’re not.
We’re looking for the drain.

375
00:20:51,518 --> 00:20:53,787
Well, you can forget it, Larry,
the drain was sealed over

376
00:20:53,820 --> 00:20:56,289
when Mr. Winslow spilled
a load of cement down here.

377
00:20:58,592 --> 00:21:01,294
Balki, Larry, are you...
Oh, what in the world‐‐

378
00:21:01,327 --> 00:21:02,629
‐Keep the door open.
‐Hold the door. Hold it.

379
00:21:02,663 --> 00:21:04,064
‐Keep the door open.
‐Hold it.

380
00:21:04,097 --> 00:21:06,933
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

381
00:21:06,967 --> 00:21:08,434
[door closes]

382
00:21:10,571 --> 00:21:13,006
If you’ve got something to say
to me, say it one at a time.

383
00:21:14,340 --> 00:21:16,943
You just locked us all in.

384
00:21:19,345 --> 00:21:21,014
‐Okay.
‐How could you do this?

385
00:21:21,047 --> 00:21:22,683
[indistinct]

386
00:21:23,950 --> 00:21:26,352
Calm down. Alright.
Everybody. Everybody.

387
00:21:26,386 --> 00:21:29,756
Calm down. Calm down.
What’s done is done.

388
00:21:29,790 --> 00:21:31,091
Oh, I don’t know
if anyone’s noticed

389
00:21:31,124 --> 00:21:33,026
but this water is rising
awfully fast.

390
00:21:35,762 --> 00:21:37,731
Larry, there isn’t a chance
we could drown, is there?

391
00:21:37,764 --> 00:21:40,100
Nobody’s going to drown.

392
00:21:40,133 --> 00:21:42,102
When our other guests
are wondering where we are

393
00:21:42,135 --> 00:21:43,837
they’ll come down
and let us out.

394
00:21:43,870 --> 00:21:48,008
That would be true, Appleton,
if any other guests had arrived.

395
00:21:50,143 --> 00:21:52,378
You‐you invite people
for seven o’clock

396
00:21:52,412 --> 00:21:54,114
you’d think they’d have
the common decency

397
00:21:54,147 --> 00:21:56,382
to show up on time.

398
00:21:56,416 --> 00:21:57,518
Wait a minute.

399
00:21:58,752 --> 00:22:00,654
This place is gonna
fill up with water.

400
00:22:01,822 --> 00:22:02,989
I don’t wanna drown.

401
00:22:04,658 --> 00:22:06,793
Now, hold it. Hold it.

402
00:22:08,629 --> 00:22:10,396
Lawrence is right.

403
00:22:10,430 --> 00:22:13,567
‐Nobody’s gonna drown.
‐’Thanks, dad.’

404
00:22:13,600 --> 00:22:16,369
By the time the water
reaches this fuse box...

405
00:22:17,971 --> 00:22:19,405
...we’ll all be electrocuted.

406
00:22:19,439 --> 00:22:21,041
[dramatic music]

407
00:22:40,961 --> 00:22:42,829
[theme music]