[theme music playing]
♪ Sometimes the world Looks perfect ♪
♪ Nothing to rearrange ♪
♪ Sometimes you just Get a feeling ♪
♪ Like you need Some kind of change ♪
♪ No matter what The odds are this time ♪
♪ Nothing’s gonna stand In my way ♪
♪ This flame in my heart Like a long lost friend ♪
♪ Gives every dark street A light at the end ♪
♪ Standing tall ♪
♪ On the wings of my dream ♪
♪ Rise and fall ♪
♪ On the wings of my dream ♪
♪ The rain and thunder ♪
♪ The wind and haze I’m bound for better days ♪
♪ It’s my life and my dream ♪
♪ Nothing’s gonna stop me now ♪
You are not going to believe
the vacation I’ve planned for us.
And it’s well within our budget.
Wait here. I’ll get the brochure.
You are going to love it!
‐We’re not going. ‐Why not?
When Larry comes back, you’re just gonna have
to tell him we’re not going.
Where is it we’re not going?
It doesn’t matter, if Larry planned it,
we’re not going.
Now, ladies, listen to me.
I know that in the past, Cousin Larry’s trips
have proved a little life‐threatening
but this time, things are going to be different.
Now, I‐I‐I took a peek at the travel brochure
and just between you and me
I think I can safely say that this time
everything’s coming up noses.
Balki, I still haven’t gotten my luggage back
from our last trip
Come on, now. Come on.
Cousin Larry wants more than anything
for you to have a good time.
He‐He’s trying to make up for his past mistakes.
Balki, we know his intentions are good
but that’s when he’s the most dangerous.
Well, maybe we should give Larry another chance.
I mean, after all,
he did pay all of our medical bills last time.
Well, my‐my tetanus shot is up to date, so...
‐Why not? ‐Great.
Thank you.
Now, everything is set.
We are going to paradise.
Well, if we all follow the golden rule,
I don’t know why not.
We are going to Club Paradise.
It’s‐it’s a small resort island
tucked away in the warm waters of the Gulf of Mexico.
‐Great. We’ll go. ‐Now, just hear me out.
Because, it’s got sunshine, beaches‐‐
Sounds wonderful.
Now I know I’ve messed up before
but just give it a chance.
It’s got great shopping...
‐Cousin. Cousin‐‐ ‐...great food.
‐Entertainment. What? ‐Cousin.
I‐I think they’re saying yes.
They are?
Well, that’s great!
I told you there’d be no problem.
[upbeat saxophone music playing]
Well, here we are, Mr. Appleton.
Hope you enjoy yourselves.
Someone will be right with you.
Well, didn’t I tell you this was a great vacation package?
With free transportation from the airport.
Larry, it was a mule cart.
I don’t believe this place.
I don’t believe it, either.
This is nicer than The Howell’s Hut
in Gilligan’s Island.
Now, come on.
It’s‐it’s island. It’s native.
It’s falling apart.
I love this place.
The whole sense of decayed elegance.
Fabulous.
Jennifer, it’s‐it’s got character.
Besides, we’ll be spending most of our time on the beach anyhow.
Come on, let‐let’s check in.
Oh, Cousin! Cousin!
Can I, can I? Can I...
ring the bell?
Okay, you ring the bell.
[bell ringing]
I’m having fun already.
Well, hi there. Welcome to Club Paradise.
I’m Mac MacIntyre, and you are?
A‐Appleton. Larry Appleton.
Well, we’re delighted to have you.
I’ll just get someone to help you with your bags.
[ringing bell] Front!
Just follow me.
They shot Papillon here, you know.
Well, here are your keys.
And, uh, I just hope that you have
a wonderful weekend in paradise.
Mi casa es su casa.
Well, thanks, Mac.
Well, what do you say we take a swim,
go into town, and shop till we drop?
Okay, we’ll change and meet you in the lobby.
[together] Bye‐bye.
Interesting wallpaper.
Boy, these walls are thin.
It sounds like Mary Anne
is right here in the room with us.
Boy, these walls really are thin.
I can see through them.
I wonder if they can see us.
No, they can’t.
‐Balki... ‐Aah!
What are you doing in our room?
Well, we’re not in your room.
This is our room, I‐I think.
No.
Well, let’s see.
[Larry] We’re in 101. You’re in 102.
Wow.
This room is nicer than ours.
‐Balki. ‐Yes.
This is the same room.
Well, I’ll be snookered.
Well, Cousin, this is great.
Now when you call out Jennifer’s name in your sleep
she’ll be right here.
Uh, L‐Larry, this is not going to work.
No problem, I’ll‐I’ll call the desk
and‐and get this all straightened out.
Ask them to send up another bed.
And another wall.
Hello, Mac?
Yeah, this‐this is Larry Appleton.
Yeah, listen, we‐we only have, uh, one room
and we did pay for two.
Simple math would tell us
that, uh, we’re exactly one room short.
Yeah, you‐you get my point?
Uh‐huh.
I see.
Well, let me get back to you on that.
What did he say?
Well, there are two other rooms.
Uh, one is a little flooded
and the other has snakes.
‐[gasping] ‐But they’re not poisonous.
He said, we could take our pick.
Well, Cousin, what kind of fool would want a flooded room?
We’ll take the snakes.
Larry, you did it to us again.
Now, let’s get our money back and get out of here, now.
Hey, there’s just a little problem
with the accommodations.
I’ll work it out with Mac.
Hey, this place is gonna look great
from the other side of a suntan.
This is the worst vacation I’ve had with you
since the last worst vacation I’ve had with you.
[door closing]
I better go talk to her.
What’s with her?
Cousin, um...
call it intuition,
call it common sense,
call the wind Mariah,
but I, uh...
I‐I‐I don’t think the girls are happy here
so even though I love it
I‐I think we should leave.
Balki, I have put a lot of thought
and planning into this vacation.
‐I know that, Cousin. ‐I need your support here!
Now after we get this room thing worked out,
I’m sure the girls will come around.
[both screaming] Aah!
There’s a, there’s a, a thing in the bathtub!
R‐r‐relax. Just relax.
In tropical climates you’ve got to expect
the occasional insect or bug.
Now, whatever it is...
I’ll take care of it.
[Larry screaming] Aah‐aah!
What is it, Cousin?
Well, it’s either a spider,
or a very hairy Volkswagen.
‐Okay, my turn. ‐Okay, okay.
Aah!
Okay, okay, my turn.
Ow. Ow. Ow!
Ow.
Aah!
Cousin, I‐I‐I know we’re having the time of our lives
but I‐I don’t think the girls
quite share our enthusiasm for this place.
What are you talking about? The girls are having
a wonderful time.
Larry, I hate this place.
There is no swimming pool, no golf course,
and you have to rappel down a cliff to get to the beach.
And I don’t know why we bothered to get all dressed up.
There’s nothing to do.
Well, that amusement park next door looked like fun.
Balki, that isn’t an amusement park.
That’s a refinery.
Okay. Okay.
You wanna leave? We’ll leave.
[spraying]
Mosquitoes.
Watch out for the dead ones.
You could turn an ankle.
[Larry] Mac.
What time does the plane leave for the mainland?
Uh, twenty minutes ago,
but there’s another one tomorrow.
All right, we can leave tomorrow.
In the meantime, let’s just try
to enjoy the time we’ve got here.
You know, I think we’re all experiencing a sugar low.
Why we don’t go into town and sample the island cuisine?
Now that’s the spirit, Balki.
Mac...
Uh, can you recommend a good restaurant on the island?
Oh, I sure could.
Welcome to Chez Mac.
Oh.
Do you have reservations?
Mac, this is a good restaurant?
Well, this is the, uh, the only restaurant.
We did have a little Tex‐Mex place on the North Beach
but it went under last week.
Went out of business?
No, it really went under.
It sank.
We got sink holes all over the island.
[laughing]
W‐w‐why don’t we just, uh, eat here?
I’ve‐I’ve got a good feeling about it.
You do?
Well, let’s eat here anyway.
Hi. My name’s Mac.
I’ll be your waiter this evening.
The specials are on the house
but I will need the little umbrellas back.
Well, now this is nice, huh?
This is what it’s all about.
This is why I get up in the morning, this is why‐‐
Put a sock in it, Larry.
Cousin, um...
could‐could‐could I have a private word with you?
Excuse us.
Oh...
This story is about
the most pigheaded pig farmer
on Mypos.
Oinki.
One day, Oinki thought
he had made the deal of his life on a prize pig.
Only, when he got it home
he discovered that it wasn’t a pig at all.
It was a dog in pig’s clothing.
His family was going hungry
because there was no bacon.
But Oinki was stubborn.
Even when his pig chased cars,
buried bones, and bit the mailman,
he refused to admit he’d made a mistake.
Oinki’s family
finally left him on the day his pig had puppies.
Because of his stubbornness,
he had to spend the rest of his days alone.
What’s your point?
No matter what face you put on this hotel,
it’s still a dog.
Now, Cousin, your pigheadedness
is costing you your friends.
I wanted so badly for‐for Jennifer
‐to enjoy this trip. ‐Yes.
I thought this would be my chance...
Cousin‐Cousin‐Cousin,
it’s over.
All right, I booked us on a trip to hell.
I’m sorry.
We can leave on the plane tomorrow.
And I promise never to plan another vacation again.
Well, I guess we can make it through one night.
Yeah, it’s not the end of the world.
Well, at least we can spend a quiet evening
and enjoy the peaceful solitude
of a tropical island.
[wind gusting]
[crashing]
Sorry. The kitchen’s closed.
We just sat down. How can it be closed?
Okay, it’s not closed.
It’s gone.
Things like that happen in a hurricane.
[girls] Hurricane!
Don’t panic. I’ve been through hurricanes on Mypos.
The first thing we have to do is find the sheep!
[girls] Ow! Ow.
[thunder rumbling]
Oh!
Whoa!
Aah!
[Mary Anne] I can’t get up!
‐Balki! ‐[Jennifer] Balki!
[thunder rumbling]
All right. We’ll be fine in here.
I think we’ve seen the worst of it.
Mary Anne, if I die,
I want you to have my‐my Wayne Newton albums.
Thanks, Balki.
Jennifer, if I die,
I want you to have all of my clothes
and Balki’s Wayne Newton albums.
Thank you, Mary Anne.
And Larry...
if I die...
I’m taking you with me.
Now‐now wait a minute.
What‐what is all this talk about death?
We are going to be fine.
These tropical storms pass quickly.
They blow, and then they’re gone.
[both screaming]
[Jennifer] Balki, do something!
We’ve got to...
We’ve got to stick something in the window
to block the wind.
The mattress.
We’ll cover the window with the mattress.
[together] Whoa.
Bathroom!
Oh, Cousin, you should have thought of that
before the hurricane!
I mean, let’s take cover in the bathroom.
Oh.
[grunting and groaning]
Follow me!
Good news.
The spider’s gone.
Oh, oh. Oh...
[together] Oh.
[screaming]
[yelling] Balki! Balki!
Balki! Help me!
‐Balki! ‐Cousin!
Aah!
[together] Oh, Balki!
[thud]
‐Are you okay? ‐Yeah.
I‐I think we’ve finally
seen the worst of it.
[Mary Anne] No.
[all screaming]
Cousin.
Cousin, look.
You can see the refinery from here.
[upbeat saxophone music playing]
Cousin, you know what the best thing
about going away on vacation with you is?
No, Balki, what’s that?
Coming back home alive.
I‐I just love it.
You know...
I think I’m gonna take a vacation
from planning vacations.
Oh, Cousin, you don’t have to do that.
‐I don’t? No? ‐No.
When the girls and I were pulling you
out of that sink hole,
we decided to never let you plan a trip again anyway.
I’m sorry for ruining the entire weekend.
Oh, come on, Cousin, it wasn’t a complete waste of time.
I got some neat souvenirs.
Oh, you didn’t buy one of those visors from Mac, did you?
Well, of course not. Don’t be ridiculous.
But...
Remember that spider we saw in the bathroom?
[theme music playing]