[theme music]
♪ Sometimes the world looks perfect ♪
♪ Nothing to rearrange ♪
♪ Sometimes you just get a feeling ♪
♪ Like you need some kind of change ♪
♪ No matter what the odds are this time ♪
♪ Nothing’s going to stand in my way ♪
♪ This flame in my heart ♪
♪ Like a long lost friend ♪
♪ Gives every dark street a light at the end ♪
♪ Standing tall ♪
♪ On the wings of my dream ♪
♪ Rise and fall ♪
♪ On the wings of my dream ♪
♪ The rain and thunder ♪
♪ The wind and haze ♪
♪ I’m bound for better days ♪
♪ It’s my life and my dream ♪
♪ Nothing’s going to stop me now ♪
[instrumental music]
(Jennifer) ’Okay, it’s your turn, Balki.’
Okay, Balki, pet peeve.
"What bothers you most about the person
sitting on your right?"
Ooh. This should be good.
This is very hard for me to say.
The‐the‐the thing that bothers me most
about cousin Larry
is...he doesn’t give himself enough credit
for all the good things he does.
Forgive me if I’ve hurt you.
Oh...it’s okay.
Okay, Mary Anne, your turn.
Ooh. I get a pet peeve too, just like you.
Don’t do that.
Okay, "Name a fault of the person sitting
across from you, or sing a Barry Manilow song."
(all) Answer the question.
Well, okay, but it’s a tough one.
I mean, Jennifer’s almost perfect.
Well, there is this one teeny little fault.
It wouldn’t be worth mentioning
if I didn’t want to win the game.
Come on.
It’s her habit of correcting everything I do.
[laughing]
Mary Anne, I don’t do that.
Yes, you do. Who’s next?
Wait a minute, Mary Anne, if‐if your gonna
make a statement like that, you have to explain it.
Should I roll the dice for you?
Not now, Larry.
Now, what do you mean I correct everything you do?
Alright, fine, for example
every time I check the passengers’ seat belts
you follow right along behind me checking them again.
Well, I have to. You’re careless.
‐I am not. ‐’Oh yeah?’
Last week you left the oven on.
‐I was baking cookies. ‐For three days?
Well, I’m surprised you had time to check the oven
you spend so much time in front of a mirror.
Well, at least I don’t put my makeup on with a spray gun.
This from a person who snores like a teamster!
I don’t have to sit here and take this from someone
who can’t remember her real hair color.
Goodnight.
Oh! Oh, yeah?
Well, well, at least I didn’t go
to the prom with my brother!
[instrumental music]
The screaming has stopped.
I think the girls must have made up.
[knock on door]
Hi, Balki.
I just wanted to say goodbye
before I move out.
Why you are moving out?
Because I would rather eat glass
than live with Jennifer!
Mary Anne, you can’t be serious.
Cousin Larry’s right.
Glass is really tough on your digestive system.
Mary Anne, Jennifer is your best friend.
Ex‐best friend.
I’m gonna go stay in a hotel
until I find my own place.
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
You can forget about going to a hotel.
You’ll stay right here with us.
You’ll sleep in my room, and I’ll stay on the couch.
Oh, Balki, I couldn’t do that.
I’d be putting you out. I’ll stay in a hotel.
Well, if you think that’s best.
No, no, no.
You march yourself right on in there and start unpacking.
Bush, bush, bush.
Cousin Larry and I insist.
Oh, you guys are the greatest.
I’ll try to stay out of your way.
Oh, sorry, Larry.
Balki, you just made a huge mistake.
I’m sorry, cousin.
Did you want to give her your room?
I’ll go ask her.
I mean, you put us right in the middle of their argument.
But, cousin, I’m just helping Mary Anne.
What you would say if Jennifer wanted to stay here?
Thank you, God.
But that’s not the point.
Balki, Jennifer is going to think that
I’m taking Mary Anne’s side.
Now, wait a minute.
Mary Anne is my girlfriend.
She’ll be staying in my room.
She’ll be wearing my robe.
She’ll be using my Mr. Ducky bubble bath.
There is no way Jennifer could get mad at you.
[knock on door]
‐Oh, hi. ‐Hey, guys. Ugh!
Mary Anne just moved out. I’m so mad.
Larry, I just need to talk.
Well, you came to the right place.
Let’s go to a coffee shop.
Balki, where do you keep the towels?
Mary Anne, what are you doing here?
Uh, Jennifer, I think I can explain.
The guys insisted I stay here.
Well, that doesn’t bother you, does it, Jennifer?
[chuckles]
[instrumental music]
[Mary Anne screaming]
Sorry, Mary Anne.
Ooh!
Ow!
[screams]
Ow!
[groans]
Whoa!
[groans]
[screaming]
Hi, cousin.
Balki...this has gone far enough.
I haven’t seen the inside of our bathroom in a week.
Well, the men’s room at the gas station is available.
Although, if I were you
I’d bring a little 409 along with me.
Balki.
Our lives have not been the same
since Mary Anne moved in.
We’re crowded, the place is a mess.
And she treats us like we’re passengers on a 747.
Come on, cousin. You’re exaggerating.
Good morning, everyone.
If you’ll be seated, we can start our breakfast service.
Can I put this in the overhead bin for you, sir?
Oh, sure.
Now, come on, cousin.
How she’s going to get better if she don’t practice?
Oh.
‐Now, window or aisle? ‐Window.
For those of you seated on the left side of the aircraft
we’re passing over Chicago.
Would you care for some coffee?
‐Please. ‐Please.
‐Thank you. ‐Thank you.
[clanking]
Balki? Would you like pancakes or scrambled eggs?
I would like pancakes, please.
Larry, what would you like? Pancakes or scrambled eggs?
I’ll have pancakes too.
Oh, I’m sorry, we just ran out of pancakes.
Would eggs be alright?
Fine.
Well, enjoy your meal.
If you’ll excuse me...
...I think I’ll go help out the gang in coach.
Balki, Mary Anne has to go.
She’s driving me crazy.
Come on, cousin, If Mary Anne moves out
how will the girls ever get back together?
Balki, it’s been a week!
Sh‐sh‐sh!
It’s been a week, and‐and they’re still not talking.
They pass each other on the stairs
ice forms on the walls.
B‐Balki, there’s no telling
how long this thing is gonna go on.
But, cousin, I‐I can’t ask my girlfriend to move out.
A‐anyway, I‐I like having her around.
The way she combs her hair.
The way she sips her tea.
The way she’s changed my life.
No, no, you can’t take that away from me.
Well, great, in the meantime I’m losing my girlfriend.
Jennifer insists I’m harboring the enemy.
‐She won’t talk to me! ‐Oh.
Now, Balki, it’s over.
Mary Anne has to go, I am going to tell her that
she just can’t stay here anymore.
‐Get out of my way. ‐Ha.
[gasps]
Ow, ow, ow!
Balki, I’m going to tell Mary Anne
she just can’t stay here anymore.
And nothing you can do or say
will change my mind!
Surprise time.
Mary Anne, there’s something I have to say to you.
Well, before you do there’s something
I’d like to say to both of you.
I just want to thank you for letting me stay here.
And as a token of my appreciation
I want you to have these watches.
Those look expensive.
Oh, they are. I bought them in Geneva.
I was gonna give them to you for Christmas
but you guys have been so good to me
I just couldn’t wait.
This one’s for you.
And this one’s for you.
Wow.
Cousin, was there...something
you wanted to say to Mary Anne?
Yeah see, M‐Mary Anne, listen.
Look, I‐I‐I just have to tell you that...
Well, l‐look, y‐y‐you just can’t...
...know what a joy it is having you stay with us.
[instrumental music]
Uh, Jennifer, I am not taking sides in this thing.
I’m not the one who invited Mary Anne to stay here.
No, uh, no, Jennifer, I’m warning you.
If you hang up on me again, I am not calling you back.
Hel‐hello?
Cousin, good news!
Balki, Mary Anne is out of here.
Cousin, I came up with a plan
to get Jennifer and Mary Anne back together.
Well, good, then maybe we can work on a plan
to get Jennifer and me back together.
Now, what’s your plan?
I reminded Mary Anne that
her television set was still upstairs
and she went up to get it!
Cousin, don’t you see?
When Mary Anne walks in that room
and she sees Jennifer and they start talking
the floodgates of friendship will open up
and irrigate them both with the milk of human kindness!
I don’t believe it!
That witch upstairs changed the locks on the doors!
Hey, miss‐have‐a friend‐for‐20‐years
and‐stab‐her‐in‐the‐back!
(Jennifer) ’Yeah, what is it, beans‐for‐brains?’
I want my television back.
’Fine.’
Well, I guess I told her.
[clattering]
That does it! I’ll show her!
(Larry) Mary Anne, what are you gonna do?
I’m going to go out and buy a new television!
It’s a good thing I didn’t remind
Mary Anne about her refrigerator.
Alright, Balki, it is time to take direct action.
‐And I have a plan! ‐Oh, God!
Balki, if we don’t do something
Jennifer and Mary Anne may never get back together.
And the two of us are gonna spend the rest of our lives
with our tray tables in the upright position!
Let’s hear the plan.
[instrumental music]
(Larry) ’Thanks for understanding, Jennifer.’
I’m glad we’re talking again.
Well, I don’t know, Larry.
I mean, um, I’m living alone now.
I thought that, um...
...maybe we could go up to my place
and, um, put on some soft music
and, uh...
...decide what to do.
Now?
Now.
Okay.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.
No.
No, Jennifer, I‐I‐I really think it would be better
if, uh, we just stay here and watch TV.
Wait a minute, you would rather stay here and watch TV
than go upstairs with me?
Yeah.
[indistinct chatter]
‐Mary Anne. ‐Jennifer.
Well, isn’t this the darndest surprise?
Cousin Larry! Jennifer!
Well, slap my face, and call me Zsa‐Zsa.
Oh, so now I see what’s going on.
Now, now, hold on, now, now, come on, come on, now
Jennifer, just a minute.
Not so fast, pilgrim!
Balki, give me the key.
I don’t think so.
‐Ha! ‐Well, then give me the key.
Double ha! Oh, stop it! Stop it!
Larry, give me the key.
Give it to me, give it to me.
‐Ha! ‐Ha!
There, now, the door is locked
the key is gone, there’s no way out.
Now, no one is leaving here until you girls sit down
and get this mess settled.
Oh, yeah, well, I’m calling a locksmith
to get me out of here.
Call two locksmiths. I want to get out of here too.
Alright, Balki, we’ve done what we can.
Let’s just forget it.
These two are never gonna get back together.
Oh, come on, cousin, You can’t just give up.
Just because two turtle doves want to fly the coop
don’t mean you make it easy for them
and buy them tickets to Miami.
Get me a locksmith too.
I got to get out of here. I am tired of this Mypos garbage.
"Every barnyard has a silver lining."
’Give me a break.’
Well, I was just trying to be nice...
...something you might want to try sometime
you big babasticki‐head!
Well, let me tell you something.
"When you lie down with sheep...
...you wake up with ticks."
"Sticks and stones may hurt Shirley Jones...
...but nerds will never harm me."
Now, is that supposed to mean something?
You’ve lived in this country for four years!
Why don’t you learn the language?
I know enough of the language to tell you
what I think of you in most uncertain terms!
Oh, yeah?
You’re short, you’re stubborn
and you’re short!
This from a man who names his shoes.
Well, if that bothers you
maybe I’ll just lace up Phil and Andy
and walk right out of here.
Balki, I can’t believe you’re doing this.
Guys, guys, you can’t just throw away a friendship like that.
Why not? I can’t stand living with this guy.
I’ve dreamed of living alone.
Get yourself another roommate.
I will. Roommates are a dime a dance.
But good friendships aren’t.
You can’t let petty disagreements break them up.
Petty disagreements?
What, like moving out
because someone insults your hair color?
That happened to you too?
Uh, Mary Anne, they’re‐they’re talking about us.
They’re trying to show us that we’re letting
petty disagreements break up a friendship.
Now, come on, girls.
This has gone on long enough.
It’s time for you to say you’re sorry.
‐I’m sorry, Mary Anne. ‐I’m sorry, Jennifer.
Oh.
Thanks for showing us how silly we were.
Oh...
You made it easy.
Hey, good friends are hard to come by.
Cousin Larry’s right. We’re all very lucky.
Hey, I got a great idea.
Why don’t we all go out to dinner, and celebrate?
‐That’s a great idea. ‐But we’re locked in.
No. This is the real key.
[instrumental music]
[theme music]