* Sometimes the world looks perfect
* Nothing to rearrange
* Sometimes you just get a feeling
* Like you need some kind of change
* No matter what the odds are this time
* Nothing's going to stand in my way
* This flame in my heart
* Like a long lost friend
* Gives every dark street
* A light at the end
* Standing tall
* On the wings of my dream
* Rise and fall
* On the wings of my dream
* The rain and thunder
* The wind and haze
* I'm bound for better days
* It's my life and my dream
* Nothing's going to stop me now *
That's one small sip for Balki
one giant slam dunk for the environment.
(TELEPHONE RINGS)
Thank you for reaching out and touching me.
Who is this?
Oh, Mrs. Holland! Mrs. Holland, how are you?
No, you're not interrupting anything.
I was just crushing my can. Crushing my can.
Well, certainly I can babysit Tess tonight.
Yeah. Balki!
No, it's... Just bring her over any time.
Balki! Uh, yeah.
We'll have a lot of fun.
Okay, okay, Mrs. Holland
and thank you for using AT&T.
Balki.
Cousin, you picked up garbage!
I'm so happy you decided to give a hoot and not pollute.
No, no, Balki, Balki.
What looks like garbage to you
are notes on the most important story
to hit Chicago in years.
While I was down at City Hall this morning
I saw Big Jim Morris.
You saw Big Jim Morris?
Who's Big Jim Morris?
Big Jim Morris.
He's a crooked contractor
who's been banned from doing business with the city.
So you tell me, Balki,
what was Big Jim doing talking to two city aldermen?
I wouldn't know, cousin.
Mama always told me
when you go to the park, don't talk to older men.
Not older men. Aldermen. Aldermen.
He was talking to Aldermen.
Well, I knew something was afoot so I spent the rest of the day
digging up enough evidence to prove that Big Jim
is still involved with dirty dealings.
(GASPS) I loved that movie!
Patrick Swayze was brilliant!
No. No.
Not Dirty Dancing.
Dirty dealings.
Phony contracts, payoffs, bribes.
Balki, this is my big break.
I've got the jump on every reporter in this city.
If I can get this story in tomorrow's edition,
you'll be rooming with a journalistic superstar!
Sam Donaldson is moving in?
No!
Not him!
Me!
Me! I'll be a superstar!
Tough break for Sam.
Listen to me. Look, Balki, listen to me!
Listen to me!
Tonight, I don't want any phone calls.
Got it.
I don't want any interruptions.
Got it.
Got it! Got it! Got it!
Argh!
Cousin, I got it.
(KNOCK ON DOOR) That must be Tess.
We're babysitting tonight.
Hello, Balki.
Could you excuse us for just a moment?
Who are these people?
Cousin, that's Mrs. Holland
and her daughter, Tess.
If you'd do the laundry once in a while, you'd meet people.
Balki, why are we babysitting
on the one night when I need absolute quiet?
Because I made a promise, cousin,
and I need to keep my promises.
You won't even know Tess is here.
Hey, Balki, let's play boochi tag!
Boochi, boochi, boochi!
(GASPS)
I'm safe. I got the boochi.
Oh, you're good!
Uh, Balki, uh, aren't you going to introduce me to your friends?
Oh, I'm sorry, Boochi break.
Um, Mrs. Holland, I want you to meet my cousin
Cousin Larry Appleton.
who is dancing in the park with older men.
Nice to know you, Larry.
I really appreciate you taking care of Tess.
Well, I better scoot.
Now, Tess, you be a good girl.
I will, Mom. Okay.
Buh-bye. Oh, bye-bye.
Let's party!
Tess, dear.
Tonight is quiet night.
And Balki is gonna show you
a lot of quiet things to do, aren't you, Balki?
Yes, cousin. Good.
Boochi, boochi, boochi.
(TESS GIGGLING)
TESS: Balki.
(GRUNTS)
You missed me! I'll get you next time.
(GRUNTING)
Balki, I thought you were gonna play outside
so that I could get some work done.
It's cold and dark and some big kid wants my shoes.
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
* She is wicked nasty and mean
* As a girl can be *
Balki, could you possibly do something about this?
Cousin, she don't know where the volume control button is.
Yes, I do. Here.
* She made me wait I just wanna cry... *
How's that, cousin? Lower.
(IN LOW VOICE) How's that, cousin?
Turn it down.
Better? Turn it down.
Perfect! Enjoy!
Tess, maybe you'd like to wear the earphones.
No. But why not?
Earphones mess up my hair. Oh.
Cousin, earphones mess up her hair.
Here, Tess.
Your hair looks even nicer like this.
Cousin, don't you think you're being just a little hard on her?
The girl just wants to have fun.
Well, Balki, the next time she wants to have fun
just tell her no.
I cannot believe what you just said.
What did I say? I just told you to tell her no.
You said it again. What kind of monster are you?
Balki, occasionally a child will do something wrong
and you have to say that word.
Cousin, on Mypos we never say no.
We believe that children should be allowed to grow
like wild flowers on the side of the mountain,
their little faces turned up toward the sun.
Hey, girls. Do you believe in love?
Well, I got something to say about it.
* Don't go for second best baby
* Put your love to the test
* You know you know got to... *
Balki! Ah!
Is that too loud for you, cousin?
Well, cousin, if you get lonely
Thank you.
* Yeah I wanna dance with somebody
* Say you wanna dance *
Oh, my Lord!
Were we robbed?
(MUFFLED) Don't be ridiculous.
Well, did you, uh... Did you get a good look at who did this?
Tess did it.
Cousin, we were playing Cowboys and Mypiots.
And you lost? No, I won.
has turned her into a monster?
Cousin, she's not a monster.
Listen, could you untie me?
I, uh, I had a big glass of iced tea
about an hour ago.
(INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC)
Good story, Appleton. I'm putting it on page one.
Thank you, Mr. Wainwright. But it's too long.
Take out a hundred words.
You'll get it to me in ten minutes.
Ten minutes, of course, sir.
Yeah, and you can count on me.
And when I first joined the-- Nine and half minutes.
All right, okay.
Nine minutes, fifteen seconds.
Nine minutes, ten seconds.
Nine, eight...
Seven, six...
Oh, my God! I'm freezing up.
Okay! Where is the Mypiot?
He'll be late.
I need him to find out what is going on around here.
Somebody's been pushing all the elevator buttons
leaving phones off the hook
and there's a Barbie doll stuck in the mail chute.
Well, I gotta get to work.
A Barbie doll stuck in the mail chute?
She's here.
Okay! We're almost done with our mail delivery.
Now, uh, Mr. Gorpley's mail.
That's right. That's right.
Very good.
You almost got it in the box this time.
Okay, and last, but not yeast, Cousin Larry's mail.
Air mail.
Very funny, dear.
Uh, would you excuse us for just a moment?
Why did you...
(GIGGLING)
Come on, here we go. Here we go.
Go on, go on and play.
Why did you bring her here?
Well, she wanted to come.
Balki, people do not bring children to the workplace.
Oh, is that so, Mr. Spock?
Well, for your information, on Mypos
we always bring children to the workplace.
Well, Balki, on Mypos, the workplace is a field.
And the worst damage a child could do is to trample a gourd.
Now, this is a major metropolitan newspaper
and I have to finish a story in exactly...
In exactly...
Where's my watch? Where is my watch? My watch is gone!
Where's my watch? I have your watch.
Now, you see it...
...now you don't.
Cousin, cousin, I'm, I'm sorry I took so long.
I, I found your watch in the sports department.
And, and in the, the advertising department
and...in the, the classified department
and this doesn't go with the watch but isn't it pretty?
Are you going to have a nervous breakdance?
(CLINKING)
Balki,
nothing can spoil this day.
In less than an hour, the Chicago Chronicle
hits the streets with my story on the front page.
Cousin, that's wonderful!
Wait 'til I tell Tess. She'll be pleased as lunch.
Where is the little darling?
Don't suppose it's too much to hope the police have her?
Cousin, she's with Miss Lydia, who unlike you,
has the patience to nurture a child.
Wait 'til I get my hands on you!
You little devil child!
Don't let her get me! Uh, uh, Lydia! Lydia!
Wh-what is going on?
That little monster left me a note!
Okay, okay, okay, okay, who covered my telephone
in peanut butter and jelly?
I just got a melted chocolate bar
in the inter-office mail.
I want an explanation, Gorpley!
We have got to get her out of here.
Look how big I am. I can reach this.
That turns on the sprinklers!
ALL: No!
It's been quite a day, hasn't it?
Let me run the highlight film for you, Balki.
(SIGHS)
For the first time in 75 years,
the Chicago Chronicle didn't publish.
But what do I care?
At some time, in the next 75 years,
maybe I'll get another chance
to have a story on the front page.
And who do we have to thank?
Tess, the Terrible
and her Mypiot babysitter!
(SIGHS)
I'm sorry, cousin, I wasn't paying attention.
I was sitting here,
sitting here thinking
maybe I was too lenient with Tess.
No.
Thanks, cousin, but you can't change my mind.
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
(SIGHS)
My mother said I should give these to you.
And thank you for taking care of me.
Oh, these are my favorite.
Tollbooth cookies.
Are you mad at me because I made it rain on your newspaper?
Oh, I'm not mad at you.
Uh, I'm not mad at you,
but, but you-you-you shouldn't have
turned on the sprinklers.
That was wrong,
but I was also wrong because I shouldn't have let you do
whatever you wanted to do.
It got us all into a lot of trouble.
Does, does this mean we can't be friends anymore?
We can still be friends
but I'm going to have to say a word to you
that I've never said to a child before.
I'm-I'm going to have to-to say...
...no.
I can live with that.
Oh, Tess, Tess, I can't expect you to understand
how anybody ever going to say such an ugly world
but sometimes in life, you just have to be--
Balki. Balki!
Yeah?
I get it.
You don't mind. No.
I'm going to have to ask you to do something
you might not want to do.
Like what?
for everything you did today.
I'm really sorry that I got you all wet.
And I'm sorry I got you in trouble with your boss.
And I'm sorry I broke your watch.
Well...
...that's okay.
It was an old watch.
Bu you're gonna have to be
a little more careful from now on.
Yeah, yeah, I will. Okay.
Well, bye, Larry. Bye-bye.
Bye, Balki.
Well...I guess
she's not so bad after all.
You know...
...I'll never forget the look on Wainwright's face
when that water hit him.
Was it me,
or did you see steam rising from his head?
Are you asking
did I see steam rising from his head,
or did I see you rising from his head?
I'm asking was it me,
or did you see steam rising from his head?
Okay, okay, are you asking
was it me who saw steam rising from his head
or was it you who saw steam rising from his head?
I'm asking was it me
or did you see steam rising from his head?
Yes. Now I have one for you.
Was it me,
or was that Miss Lydia's beauty mark
sliding down her cheek?
It was you.
It was definitely you sliding down her cheek.
TESS: Balki.
Hey, Balki.
Hi, Tess.
I wanna talk to Uncle Cousin Larry.
Oh.
Uh, Cousin Larry, come-come and talk to Tess.
I think she wants to be friends.
No.
Cousin Larry, you come over to the window.
She came all the way down here...
She came all the way down here to make friends
and say she was sorry, the least you can do
is stick your head out the window and say hello.
Okay, okay. Hmm.
I...guess I haven't been very nice to her.
Hi, Tess.
(TESS GIGGLING)
Is it me...
...or is that steam rising out of your head?
(MUSIC CONTINUES)