1 00:00:01,835 --> 00:00:04,672 (THEME MUSIC) 2 00:00:10,211 --> 00:00:12,746 * Sometimes the world looks perfect 3 00:00:13,914 --> 00:00:16,184 * Nothing to rearrange 4 00:00:16,250 --> 00:00:19,187 * Sometimes you just get a feeling 5 00:00:19,253 --> 00:00:22,390 * Like you need some kind of change 6 00:00:27,295 --> 00:00:29,497 * Nothing's gonna stand in my way 7 00:00:29,563 --> 00:00:31,165 * This flame in my heart 8 00:00:31,232 --> 00:00:32,766 * Like a long lost friend 9 00:00:32,833 --> 00:00:36,670 * Gives every dark street a light at the end 10 00:00:38,005 --> 00:00:41,041 * Standing tall 11 00:00:41,109 --> 00:00:44,878 * On the wings of my dream 12 00:00:44,945 --> 00:00:47,915 * Rise and fall 13 00:00:47,981 --> 00:00:51,585 * On the wings of my dream 14 00:00:51,652 --> 00:00:54,588 * The rain and thunder the wind and haze 15 00:00:54,655 --> 00:00:58,192 * I'm bound for better days 16 00:00:58,259 --> 00:01:01,462 * It's my life and my dream 17 00:01:01,529 --> 00:01:05,133 * And nothing's gonna stop me now 18 00:01:20,981 --> 00:01:22,450 BALKI: Look at this, Ms. Lydia. 19 00:01:22,516 --> 00:01:24,885 I'm running for Student Body President 20 00:01:24,952 --> 00:01:26,454 at the Chicago City College. 21 00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:28,989 Ah! Balki, that's terrific. 22 00:01:29,056 --> 00:01:30,291 Yeah. How's it going? 23 00:01:30,358 --> 00:01:32,693 Oh, just as sleazy as pie. 24 00:01:35,062 --> 00:01:36,497 Just like campaigning on Mypos. 25 00:01:36,564 --> 00:01:38,098 All you have to do is make sure 26 00:01:38,166 --> 00:01:39,833 that everyone knows how you feel 27 00:01:39,900 --> 00:01:43,404 about the important issues. 28 00:01:43,471 --> 00:01:46,174 that I'm pro-sheep and anti-wolf. 29 00:01:48,409 --> 00:01:50,077 Coming out against wolves 30 00:01:50,144 --> 00:01:53,113 is a good start, Balki. 31 00:01:53,181 --> 00:01:55,383 But, uh, maybe you should ask Larry to help you. 32 00:01:55,449 --> 00:02:00,053 Yeah. 33 00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:01,822 that I'm, that I'm running. 34 00:02:01,889 --> 00:02:04,225 Oh, well, if you tell him, I'm sure he'd help you 35 00:02:04,292 --> 00:02:06,294 with your campaign, why don't you ask him? 36 00:02:06,360 --> 00:02:10,298 (CHUCKLES) Well, because if I, uh 37 00:02:10,364 --> 00:02:12,500 if I ask Cousin Larry to help me 38 00:02:12,566 --> 00:02:15,903 with my campaign, um, I'm sort of afraid 39 00:02:15,969 --> 00:02:18,772 Cousin Larry will help me 40 00:02:18,839 --> 00:02:20,208 with my campaign. 41 00:02:22,576 --> 00:02:23,944 Uh, I don't know if you've noticed 42 00:02:24,011 --> 00:02:26,180 but Cousin Larry 43 00:02:26,247 --> 00:02:28,216 he's trying to be helpful 44 00:02:28,282 --> 00:02:30,351 but-but he tends to go overboard. 45 00:02:30,418 --> 00:02:33,221 He's kind of a type-A personality. 46 00:02:34,822 --> 00:02:36,490 So, I-I-I beg of you 47 00:02:36,557 --> 00:02:39,260 please, promise me, you won't tell Cousin Larry? 48 00:02:39,327 --> 00:02:42,930 A team of wild horses couldn't drag it out of me. 49 00:02:42,996 --> 00:02:44,698 Thank you, Ms. Lydia. 50 00:02:44,765 --> 00:02:47,801 Of course, the sweaty cowboy pulling the reins 51 00:02:47,868 --> 00:02:49,337 might have a shot. 52 00:02:54,775 --> 00:02:56,176 Hi, Balki. 53 00:02:57,411 --> 00:03:00,113 Oh, I see you're running 54 00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:01,915 for Student Body President. 55 00:03:03,884 --> 00:03:07,655 Oh, good luck with your campaign-- 56 00:03:07,721 --> 00:03:09,790 no matter what you do, there is absolutely 57 00:03:09,857 --> 00:03:12,192 no way that I'm... 58 00:03:12,260 --> 00:03:14,528 What did you just say? 59 00:03:14,595 --> 00:03:17,164 I said, "Good luck with your campaign." 60 00:03:17,231 --> 00:03:19,833 Well, bang my bongos and call me Daisy. 61 00:03:23,337 --> 00:03:25,873 You mean to say that, that you're not gonna force yourself 62 00:03:25,939 --> 00:03:28,008 into my campaign and, and then go overboard 63 00:03:28,075 --> 00:03:30,944 and make yourself a royal pain in the boingi? 64 00:03:33,080 --> 00:03:34,815 Oh! 65 00:03:34,882 --> 00:03:36,650 Oh, I see. 66 00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:40,254 I see, you think because I lost 67 00:03:40,321 --> 00:03:42,890 every campaign I managed in school 68 00:03:42,956 --> 00:03:45,826 that I would see your campaign as my last chance 69 00:03:45,893 --> 00:03:47,828 to be a winner. 70 00:03:50,130 --> 00:03:52,433 You lost every single campaign? 71 00:03:55,903 --> 00:03:58,472 Uh, it used to bother me, but I'm over it. 72 00:03:58,539 --> 00:04:02,776 Those 120 hours of self-help tapes cured me. 73 00:04:06,213 --> 00:04:08,449 to win just once. 74 00:04:12,553 --> 00:04:14,087 So...good luck. 75 00:04:14,154 --> 00:04:16,223 I hope you win. 76 00:04:16,290 --> 00:04:18,326 Wait one finger-lickin' moment. 77 00:04:18,392 --> 00:04:21,429 Are you telling me that we can discuss this 78 00:04:21,495 --> 00:04:23,864 and your eyes won't bulge out of your head 79 00:04:23,931 --> 00:04:27,701 and that vein in your forehead won't start throbbing? 80 00:04:27,768 --> 00:04:29,002 Oh, sure. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. 81 00:04:29,069 --> 00:04:31,138 Oh, that syndrome is covered in tapes 82 00:04:31,204 --> 00:04:34,007 one through 43, 83 00:04:34,074 --> 00:04:38,312 "Coping and being at peace with your body." 84 00:04:38,379 --> 00:04:41,315 "My body is like a hollow reed. 85 00:04:41,382 --> 00:04:43,817 Troubles blow through me like the wind." 86 00:04:43,884 --> 00:04:46,820 (INHALES) 87 00:04:48,822 --> 00:04:49,823 (WHISTLES) 88 00:04:56,229 --> 00:04:58,298 Okay. Uh, well, cousin, I... 89 00:04:58,366 --> 00:05:00,267 I'm glad you've weathered that storm 90 00:05:00,334 --> 00:05:02,770 because I'd love to tell you about my campaign. 91 00:05:02,836 --> 00:05:04,137 Well, I'd love to hear about it. 92 00:05:04,204 --> 00:05:06,139 Well, um, if I'm elected 93 00:05:06,206 --> 00:05:08,842 my goal is to reinstate the language requirement. 94 00:05:08,909 --> 00:05:10,411 That means every student have to 95 00:05:10,478 --> 00:05:12,079 take a foreign language to graduate. 96 00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:14,515 I feel that we'll all understand each other better 97 00:05:14,582 --> 00:05:17,451 if we can speak in another man's tongue, 98 00:05:17,518 --> 00:05:20,554 walk in another man's shoes 99 00:05:20,621 --> 00:05:23,657 see the world through another man's binoculars, 100 00:05:25,559 --> 00:05:28,396 cure another man's ham... 101 00:05:33,901 --> 00:05:35,869 I'm still fine-tuning my platform. 102 00:05:37,571 --> 00:05:39,673 You call that a platform? Okay, here it is! 103 00:05:39,740 --> 00:05:41,241 I knew it was coming! 104 00:05:41,308 --> 00:05:44,712 (SPEAKING MYPOSIAN) 105 00:05:47,515 --> 00:05:48,982 No, wait, no. I know. I know. 106 00:05:49,049 --> 00:05:52,620 You thought that I was just gonna jump in and go crazy 107 00:05:52,686 --> 00:05:55,322 but I was only asking, if that's your platform. 108 00:05:55,389 --> 00:05:56,824 And if it is... 109 00:05:58,258 --> 00:05:59,660 ...I hope it works for you. 110 00:06:01,395 --> 00:06:02,663 Really? Really. 111 00:06:04,097 --> 00:06:08,268 Aw, thank you, cousin. 112 00:06:08,335 --> 00:06:09,537 I haven't even started baking 113 00:06:09,603 --> 00:06:11,739 my special election spleen chip cookies. 114 00:06:11,805 --> 00:06:14,442 Spleen chip cookies? Yeah, original recipe. 115 00:06:14,508 --> 00:06:16,644 And now with pimentos. 116 00:06:21,549 --> 00:06:23,083 Well, well... 117 00:06:37,931 --> 00:06:41,168 You know, Balki, uh, I don't want you to think 118 00:06:41,234 --> 00:06:42,970 that I'm getting involved in your campaign 119 00:06:43,036 --> 00:06:44,505 because I'm not. Really. 120 00:06:44,572 --> 00:06:47,741 But as a disinterested bystander, 121 00:06:47,808 --> 00:06:51,679 uh, would you allow me to say that spleen chip cookies 122 00:06:51,745 --> 00:06:54,247 are not gonna be enough to, to get you elected. 123 00:06:54,314 --> 00:06:56,149 Well, of course they're not. 124 00:06:56,216 --> 00:06:58,452 Don't be ridiculous. 125 00:06:58,519 --> 00:07:00,287 That's why each student gets a special 126 00:07:00,353 --> 00:07:02,890 "Vote for Balki" sheep kidney coin pouch. 127 00:07:04,324 --> 00:07:05,559 Oh, no, no. Don't touch, cousin. 128 00:07:05,626 --> 00:07:07,495 It's not quite dry yet. 129 00:07:10,698 --> 00:07:15,002 Balki, sheep kidney coin pouches and spleen chip cookies 130 00:07:15,068 --> 00:07:17,738 with or without pimentos, may work on Mypos 131 00:07:17,805 --> 00:07:21,475 but in America, you need slogans 132 00:07:21,542 --> 00:07:23,511 buttons, posters, position papers. 133 00:07:23,577 --> 00:07:25,513 We have got to set up meetings with the voters. 134 00:07:25,579 --> 00:07:26,647 We're gonna have to, did I say "We?" 135 00:07:26,714 --> 00:07:28,816 Because I meant "You." You. 136 00:07:30,250 --> 00:07:33,086 This is your campaign. Not mine. I wouldn't do it. 137 00:07:33,153 --> 00:07:34,822 (CHUCKLES) I put all that behind me. 138 00:07:34,888 --> 00:07:37,290 (CHUCKLES) No, no way. No how. 139 00:07:37,357 --> 00:07:39,292 Not in a million years. 140 00:07:39,359 --> 00:07:40,661 Don't need it, don't want it, 141 00:07:40,728 --> 00:07:42,262 wouldn't do it, 142 00:07:42,329 --> 00:07:43,731 not this guy. 143 00:07:45,599 --> 00:07:47,501 You want in, don't you, cousin? 144 00:07:50,804 --> 00:07:53,707 Please, please, please. 145 00:07:55,876 --> 00:07:58,546 Okay, okay. You can be my campaign manager. 146 00:07:58,612 --> 00:08:00,714 Oh, thank you! Thank you! Thank you! 147 00:08:00,781 --> 00:08:02,750 But you have to promise me one thing. 148 00:08:02,816 --> 00:08:06,186 Anything. You won't go overboard. 149 00:08:06,253 --> 00:08:09,222 I promise I won't go overboard. 150 00:08:09,289 --> 00:08:10,490 Oh. 151 00:08:13,927 --> 00:08:16,864 (DRUM BEATS) 152 00:08:25,438 --> 00:08:28,175 (INDISTINCT CHATTER) 153 00:08:34,748 --> 00:08:36,784 Balki, I'm glad you're here. 154 00:08:36,850 --> 00:08:40,788 Let me show you around campaign headquarters. 155 00:08:40,854 --> 00:08:43,323 You promised me, you were not going to go overboard. 156 00:08:43,390 --> 00:08:44,892 And here you are 157 00:08:44,958 --> 00:08:47,595 scraping barnacles off the Titanic! 158 00:08:49,730 --> 00:08:53,000 Balki, this is just a bare minimum. 159 00:08:53,066 --> 00:08:54,568 We have posters with your picture 160 00:08:54,635 --> 00:08:55,869 we're putting up all over campus. 161 00:08:55,936 --> 00:08:57,504 We have people calling students 162 00:08:57,571 --> 00:08:59,206 urging them to vote for you. 163 00:08:59,272 --> 00:09:01,575 We have volunteers stuffing campaign literature 164 00:09:01,642 --> 00:09:03,076 into envelopes. 165 00:09:03,143 --> 00:09:05,045 "Dear fellow student..." No time now. 166 00:09:05,112 --> 00:09:06,513 You can read what you said later. 167 00:09:06,580 --> 00:09:08,515 Have you noticed 168 00:09:08,582 --> 00:09:11,819 how handsome you look in the poster? 169 00:09:11,885 --> 00:09:15,122 Oh, cousin, it's a real Kojak moment. 170 00:09:17,057 --> 00:09:19,292 Now, over here, we are tallying 171 00:09:19,359 --> 00:09:21,261 the latest results of a poll we've just taken. 172 00:09:21,328 --> 00:09:24,097 I want to know how much of a lead I have built for you. 173 00:09:24,164 --> 00:09:26,767 I'm good, Balki. I am really good. 174 00:09:27,735 --> 00:09:31,304 Balki, this is so exciting. 175 00:09:31,371 --> 00:09:33,841 And I'm gonna be First Girlfriend. 176 00:09:33,907 --> 00:09:36,143 I've recruited Jennifer and Mary Anne 177 00:09:36,209 --> 00:09:37,645 Oh, I'm gonna speak on your behalf 178 00:09:37,711 --> 00:09:39,046 at the women in College Foundation. 179 00:09:39,112 --> 00:09:40,681 And I'm talking to the cheerleaders. 180 00:09:40,748 --> 00:09:41,982 I speak their language. 181 00:09:44,017 --> 00:09:46,486 Give me a B! ALL: B! 182 00:09:46,553 --> 00:09:48,355 Give me an A! ALL: A! 183 00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:51,391 Give me an L! ALL: L! 184 00:09:51,458 --> 00:09:53,694 That's good. Save it, save it, save it for the rally. 185 00:09:56,864 --> 00:10:00,467 Cousin, are all of these people 186 00:10:00,533 --> 00:10:04,972 going to stay to dinner? 187 00:10:05,038 --> 00:10:07,841 and you know how hard it is to stretch snout. 188 00:10:09,710 --> 00:10:11,078 Balki, they're not staying for dinner. 189 00:10:11,144 --> 00:10:14,014 These are your campaign working volunteers. 190 00:10:14,081 --> 00:10:17,317 They believe in you. They love you. 191 00:10:17,384 --> 00:10:18,385 (CHUCKLES) 192 00:10:22,956 --> 00:10:26,426 Now, your job is just to be yourself. 193 00:10:26,493 --> 00:10:28,528 Just...be Balki. 194 00:10:28,595 --> 00:10:31,331 You think you can handle that? Well, of course I can. 195 00:10:31,398 --> 00:10:32,632 Don't be ridiculous. 196 00:10:32,700 --> 00:10:34,334 I've got the vest, the accent 197 00:10:34,401 --> 00:10:36,036 and 26 years of experience. 198 00:10:37,070 --> 00:10:38,471 I knew you could do it. 199 00:10:38,538 --> 00:10:40,307 Oh, cousin, I'm gonna need your advice. 200 00:10:40,373 --> 00:10:42,876 You've got to tell me which vest do you think 201 00:10:42,943 --> 00:10:45,178 I should wear to the debate. 202 00:10:45,245 --> 00:10:47,347 What debate? 203 00:10:47,414 --> 00:10:49,950 the day before the election, isn't that great? 204 00:10:50,017 --> 00:10:52,986 No debate! No debate! Debates are a big mistake. 205 00:10:53,053 --> 00:10:54,521 But, cousin, don't you think it's a good way 206 00:10:54,587 --> 00:10:56,990 to show the students how I feel about the issues? 207 00:10:57,057 --> 00:10:58,892 I've got that covered. Don't worry about it. 208 00:10:58,959 --> 00:10:59,993 Have I told you how good I am? 209 00:11:00,060 --> 00:11:03,997 Twice. Okay. 210 00:11:04,064 --> 00:11:05,565 you'll be meeting with the football team. 211 00:11:05,632 --> 00:11:07,868 You'll tell them how important you think sports are 212 00:11:07,935 --> 00:11:11,271 to the school's image, got it? 213 00:11:11,338 --> 00:11:13,073 Okay, then at 10:30, you'll be meeting with the science club. 214 00:11:13,140 --> 00:11:15,242 You'll tell them, you think education is important 215 00:11:15,308 --> 00:11:17,344 and too much of the school's budget is spent on sports. 216 00:11:17,410 --> 00:11:19,446 Got it? Too much on sports. Got it. 217 00:11:19,512 --> 00:11:21,314 Okay, at noon, you'll be meeting with the fraternities. 218 00:11:21,381 --> 00:11:23,583 You'll tell them, you think entirely too much time 219 00:11:23,650 --> 00:11:26,219 is being spent in the classroom 220 00:11:26,286 --> 00:11:28,188 Too much fraternity. 221 00:11:28,255 --> 00:11:31,558 meeting with the Honor Society. 222 00:11:31,624 --> 00:11:33,961 not to party, and you're pushing for Saturday classes, got it? 223 00:11:34,027 --> 00:11:36,997 Okay, cousin, small, small question 224 00:11:37,064 --> 00:11:39,767 from a simple Mypiot boy. 225 00:11:39,833 --> 00:11:43,436 This looks like I'm just telling everyone what they want to hear. 226 00:11:43,503 --> 00:11:44,704 Welcome to politics. 227 00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:49,676 I am so proud of you. 228 00:11:49,743 --> 00:11:51,444 Now, cousin, just hold on a moment. 229 00:11:51,511 --> 00:11:54,681 Are you asking me to do something dishonest? 230 00:11:54,748 --> 00:11:57,317 But, Balki, you want to 231 00:11:57,384 --> 00:11:59,519 Yes. Well, to do that. 232 00:11:59,586 --> 00:12:01,254 You're gonna have to get elected Student Body President 233 00:12:01,321 --> 00:12:03,190 and I am the man to help you do it. 234 00:12:03,256 --> 00:12:04,858 Cousin, I think I can make my position 235 00:12:04,925 --> 00:12:07,094 on all the issues clear at the debate. 236 00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:08,996 No debate! Forget the debate! 237 00:12:09,062 --> 00:12:12,165 First rule of campaigning, do not debate! 238 00:12:12,232 --> 00:12:15,803 Uh, Larry I have the results of the latest poll. 239 00:12:15,869 --> 00:12:18,772 Attention! Attention, everybody! 240 00:12:18,839 --> 00:12:20,573 Go ahead, Jennifer. Give them the good news. 241 00:12:20,640 --> 00:12:23,276 Cousin, I-- Uh, Larry, I think we should-- 242 00:12:23,343 --> 00:12:26,046 Balki, for the last time, no debate! No debate! 243 00:12:26,113 --> 00:12:27,247 Go ahead, Jennifer. 244 00:12:27,314 --> 00:12:30,083 Tell them how far Balki is ahead. 245 00:12:30,150 --> 00:12:32,485 Balki is trailing by fifteen points. 246 00:12:34,922 --> 00:12:36,990 You're gonna have to debate your opponent. 247 00:12:46,967 --> 00:12:49,069 (INDISTINCT CHATTER) 248 00:12:49,136 --> 00:12:52,405 Balki, for the last time 249 00:12:52,472 --> 00:12:53,907 you are not going to wear 250 00:12:53,974 --> 00:12:57,677 the traditional Myposian election hat! 251 00:12:57,744 --> 00:12:59,813 BALKI: Oh, is that so, is that? 252 00:12:59,880 --> 00:13:00,981 Give it to me! No! 253 00:13:01,048 --> 00:13:02,249 Give it to me! No! 254 00:13:02,315 --> 00:13:03,984 Give it to me! 255 00:13:13,526 --> 00:13:16,463 (BABBLING) 256 00:13:17,530 --> 00:13:19,466 (PANTING) 257 00:13:20,767 --> 00:13:23,303 Jennifer, Mary Anne 258 00:13:23,370 --> 00:13:25,572 Balki is ready for the mock debate. 259 00:13:25,638 --> 00:13:28,508 I've groomed him, I've prepared him. 260 00:13:28,575 --> 00:13:30,277 It's taken five years off my life. 261 00:13:30,343 --> 00:13:33,280 (SOBBING) 262 00:13:34,747 --> 00:13:37,184 Oh, ladies... 263 00:13:39,386 --> 00:13:42,055 the next Student Body President 264 00:13:42,122 --> 00:13:44,057 of Chicago City College 265 00:13:44,124 --> 00:13:45,825 Balki Bartokomous. 266 00:13:45,893 --> 00:13:48,896 (APPLAUSE) 267 00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:56,069 Oh, Balki, you look so handsome in that suit. 268 00:13:57,704 --> 00:13:59,506 It needs a hat. 269 00:14:02,142 --> 00:14:04,277 It doesn't need a hat. 270 00:14:08,681 --> 00:14:12,052 Okay, ladies, take your seats. 271 00:14:12,119 --> 00:14:14,387 Now, Balki... 272 00:14:14,454 --> 00:14:16,489 (PANTING) 273 00:14:16,556 --> 00:14:19,626 Remember, ahem, presentation is key... 274 00:14:19,692 --> 00:14:20,693 Right. 275 00:14:20,760 --> 00:14:23,496 ...to winning the debate. 276 00:14:23,563 --> 00:14:26,166 Well, what do we do to improve our presentation? 277 00:14:26,233 --> 00:14:29,602 Um... Oh! Oh! 278 00:14:29,669 --> 00:14:32,072 I don't rest my hands on the podium. 279 00:14:32,139 --> 00:14:34,141 It makes me look lazy. 280 00:14:34,207 --> 00:14:37,044 And, uh... Uh, and... Uh, uh, uh, uh... 281 00:14:37,110 --> 00:14:39,379 Oh! And I don't fidget with my tie. 282 00:14:39,446 --> 00:14:42,249 It, uh, it makes me look, uh, nervous. 283 00:14:42,315 --> 00:14:43,550 Uh-huh. What else? 284 00:14:44,817 --> 00:14:45,818 Heck if I know. 285 00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:48,388 (GRUNTS) 286 00:14:48,455 --> 00:14:51,424 Oh! I never use the phrase, "Heck if I know." 287 00:14:51,491 --> 00:14:54,962 It makes me sound, it makes me sound chloroformed. 288 00:14:56,229 --> 00:14:57,530 Uninformed. Uninformed. 289 00:14:57,597 --> 00:14:59,899 Uninformed. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. 290 00:14:59,967 --> 00:15:01,801 And... 291 00:15:01,868 --> 00:15:03,503 Ee... 292 00:15:09,109 --> 00:15:11,444 Oh! Uh, remember to smile. Okay, good. 293 00:15:11,511 --> 00:15:14,914 Good, good. All right. Okay. 294 00:15:14,982 --> 00:15:17,917 Jennifer, ask the first question. 295 00:15:17,985 --> 00:15:19,186 (CLEARS THROAT) 296 00:15:24,491 --> 00:15:26,593 Mr. Bartokomous... Uh-huh? 297 00:15:29,196 --> 00:15:31,431 What is your position on the financing 298 00:15:31,498 --> 00:15:33,033 of student loans? 299 00:15:35,168 --> 00:15:36,669 Student loans? 300 00:15:38,805 --> 00:15:40,740 Boy, I wish I had a hat. 301 00:15:40,807 --> 00:15:45,112 Balki! Okay, okay, okay. 302 00:15:45,178 --> 00:15:47,847 Mr. Bartokomous, what is your position 303 00:15:47,914 --> 00:15:50,317 on the financing of student loans? 304 00:15:50,383 --> 00:15:54,454 Jennifer, uh, uh, I'm glad you asked me that question 305 00:15:54,521 --> 00:15:57,457 because the financing of student loans 306 00:15:57,524 --> 00:16:01,261 um, is an issue that deserves my attention 307 00:16:01,328 --> 00:16:03,696 and, uh, and, uh, let me assure you 308 00:16:03,763 --> 00:16:07,367 that my attention is what it will receive 309 00:16:07,434 --> 00:16:10,703 in its complete and unabridged form. 310 00:16:10,770 --> 00:16:13,473 Uh, and the financing of student loans 311 00:16:13,540 --> 00:16:16,709 is actually part of, uh, of my... 312 00:16:16,776 --> 00:16:19,512 ...ten point program for better schooling. 313 00:16:19,579 --> 00:16:21,481 Yes, Balki, you are doing great! 314 00:16:21,548 --> 00:16:23,283 Oh! Ah! Ah! 315 00:16:23,350 --> 00:16:24,717 Smile. 316 00:16:32,725 --> 00:16:34,961 Larry, I have to talk to you, I have something to tell you 317 00:16:35,028 --> 00:16:36,363 that's going to upset you. 318 00:16:36,429 --> 00:16:37,864 You've changed your mind. 319 00:16:37,930 --> 00:16:39,766 You're not gonna marry me? 320 00:16:39,832 --> 00:16:42,569 That's awful! You didn't tell me that! 321 00:16:44,404 --> 00:16:46,473 That's not the bad news. 322 00:16:46,539 --> 00:16:49,176 Well, maybe not to you, but think of poor Larry. 323 00:16:51,078 --> 00:16:52,545 Larry, the bad... 324 00:16:55,648 --> 00:16:57,150 Oh! 325 00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:03,823 The bad news is the athletes found out 326 00:17:03,890 --> 00:17:06,759 They've switched their votes to Balki's opponent. 327 00:17:06,826 --> 00:17:08,261 All right, I thought this might happen 328 00:17:08,328 --> 00:17:09,596 I gotta tell Balki. 329 00:17:13,133 --> 00:17:15,802 Come on, Mary Anne, we better take our seats. 330 00:17:15,868 --> 00:17:17,804 You know, it's a good thing Larry has this campaign 331 00:17:17,870 --> 00:17:20,573 to take his mind off the broken engagement. 332 00:17:22,409 --> 00:17:24,211 Balki? 333 00:17:24,277 --> 00:17:25,945 The athletes have decided to change their votes 334 00:17:26,012 --> 00:17:27,580 to your opponent. 335 00:17:27,647 --> 00:17:29,682 Well, people change their minds. 336 00:17:29,749 --> 00:17:31,851 Pigs, on the other hand, make one decision 337 00:17:31,918 --> 00:17:34,454 and stick with it. 338 00:17:34,521 --> 00:17:35,888 (SNORTS) 339 00:17:35,955 --> 00:17:39,292 Balki, don't you understand? 340 00:17:39,359 --> 00:17:41,261 we're going to lose the election. 341 00:17:41,328 --> 00:17:43,496 Now I have an easy fix, all we have to do is 342 00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:45,298 lose the language thing and they'll switch back to us. 343 00:17:45,365 --> 00:17:47,500 Cousin, wait a minute. Are you... 344 00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:49,536 You know sometimes, I think 345 00:17:49,602 --> 00:17:52,038 you're just a few grapes shy of a bunch. 346 00:17:52,105 --> 00:17:53,673 Have you been listening? 347 00:17:53,740 --> 00:17:57,244 I cannot lose the language thing. 348 00:17:57,310 --> 00:17:59,312 I cannot give that up. 349 00:17:59,379 --> 00:18:01,414 Balki, your goal is to get elected. 350 00:18:01,481 --> 00:18:04,417 Tell them what they want to hear. 351 00:18:04,484 --> 00:18:06,486 Cousin, isn't that just a bit dishonest? 352 00:18:06,553 --> 00:18:08,155 It's the American way. 353 00:18:10,590 --> 00:18:12,192 But won't the students mind? 354 00:18:12,259 --> 00:18:14,494 Mind? They expect it! 355 00:18:14,561 --> 00:18:15,395 Wait a minute... 356 00:18:15,462 --> 00:18:16,629 Uh, preceding the debate 357 00:18:16,696 --> 00:18:20,700 there will be an opening statement 358 00:18:20,767 --> 00:18:22,435 by each candidate. 359 00:18:22,502 --> 00:18:25,605 Uh, Mr. Bartokomous, we're ready for your opening statement. 360 00:18:40,287 --> 00:18:44,991 Uh, thank you, my fair chair lady 361 00:18:45,057 --> 00:18:48,561 faculty and my worthy opponent 362 00:18:48,628 --> 00:18:49,629 and students. 363 00:18:50,897 --> 00:18:53,366 My name is Balki Bartokomous 364 00:18:53,433 --> 00:18:56,002 of the students, for the students 365 00:18:56,068 --> 00:18:57,470 by the students. 366 00:18:57,537 --> 00:18:59,071 Ah! Ah! 367 00:18:59,138 --> 00:19:00,340 Ee... 368 00:19:05,212 --> 00:19:07,414 Uh, if elected, I promise 369 00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:10,817 to be firm, yet flexible 370 00:19:10,883 --> 00:19:13,453 tough, yet vulnerable 371 00:19:13,520 --> 00:19:15,855 soft, yet absorbent. 372 00:19:22,829 --> 00:19:27,600 I would like to establish a kinder, gentler cafeteria. 373 00:19:27,667 --> 00:19:30,603 (APPLAUSE) 374 00:19:31,638 --> 00:19:33,172 We will now open the floor 375 00:19:33,240 --> 00:19:35,208 to questions for Mr. Bartokomous. 376 00:19:37,910 --> 00:19:40,713 Uh, yes, in the pink angora. 377 00:19:40,780 --> 00:19:42,048 My name is Lisa Morgan. Mr. Bar-- 378 00:19:42,114 --> 00:19:43,883 Hi, Lisa! 379 00:19:43,950 --> 00:19:45,285 Hi. 380 00:19:45,352 --> 00:19:48,855 Mr. Bartokomous 381 00:19:48,921 --> 00:19:51,824 you said you wanted to be the Education President. 382 00:19:51,891 --> 00:19:54,461 But when you spoke in front of the fraternities 383 00:19:54,527 --> 00:19:57,096 you said education was overrated. 384 00:19:57,163 --> 00:20:00,367 Where do you stand? 385 00:20:00,433 --> 00:20:03,336 because where I stand 386 00:20:03,403 --> 00:20:06,239 uh, deserves my attention. 387 00:20:06,306 --> 00:20:09,709 And I can assure you that where I stand 388 00:20:09,776 --> 00:20:11,378 'will receive my attention' 389 00:20:11,444 --> 00:20:14,281 in its complete and unabridged form. 390 00:20:15,482 --> 00:20:16,816 Good answer. Um, wait a minute. 391 00:20:16,883 --> 00:20:20,687 That doesn't seem to make any sense to-- 392 00:20:20,753 --> 00:20:22,389 What about the rumor that you want us to take 393 00:20:22,455 --> 00:20:24,624 some dumb language before we graduate? 394 00:20:25,758 --> 00:20:26,993 I'm glad you asked that question 395 00:20:27,059 --> 00:20:29,028 because I cannot lie to you. 396 00:20:29,095 --> 00:20:33,566 Now, let me just-- Uh, uh, yes. Uh... 397 00:20:33,633 --> 00:20:35,935 He has another engagement. 398 00:20:36,002 --> 00:20:37,270 that, uh, if elected... 399 00:20:37,337 --> 00:20:38,505 Cousin, please. 400 00:20:38,571 --> 00:20:40,507 Please, I have to do this. 401 00:20:45,812 --> 00:20:47,714 Listen, if you're going to vote for me 402 00:20:47,780 --> 00:20:49,115 you've got to know who I am 403 00:20:49,181 --> 00:20:51,050 and what I really believe in. 404 00:20:51,117 --> 00:20:52,919 My name is Balki Bartokomous 405 00:20:52,985 --> 00:20:55,822 and I'm a sheepherder from Mypos. 406 00:20:55,888 --> 00:20:58,325 And yes, if I am elected I do intend 407 00:20:58,391 --> 00:21:00,293 to reinstate the language requirement. 408 00:21:00,360 --> 00:21:03,496 (BOOING) 409 00:21:18,511 --> 00:21:20,380 I lost, Balki. 410 00:21:22,114 --> 00:21:23,983 I lost big. 411 00:21:25,518 --> 00:21:28,888 You know, I wanted to win just once. 412 00:21:28,955 --> 00:21:30,990 Cousin, would you please stop this? 413 00:21:31,057 --> 00:21:32,124 You did not lose. 414 00:21:32,191 --> 00:21:34,994 I lost. I lost. I did. 415 00:21:35,061 --> 00:21:36,829 I lost the election. 416 00:21:39,065 --> 00:21:40,567 You're right, Balki. 417 00:21:42,669 --> 00:21:44,337 You're the big loser. 418 00:21:48,408 --> 00:21:50,009 And don't you forget it. 419 00:21:54,347 --> 00:21:57,350 I can't believe you're taking this so well. 420 00:21:57,417 --> 00:22:00,353 You lost. 421 00:22:00,420 --> 00:22:02,121 I didn't get elected president 422 00:22:02,188 --> 00:22:03,456 but I got what I wanted. 423 00:22:03,523 --> 00:22:04,757 My opponent thought 424 00:22:04,824 --> 00:22:06,559 that reinstating the language requirement 425 00:22:06,626 --> 00:22:08,728 was a good idea and she's gonna push for it. 426 00:22:10,029 --> 00:22:11,230 And that makes you happy? 427 00:22:11,297 --> 00:22:12,799 Happy? 428 00:22:12,865 --> 00:22:14,667 I'm erratic! 429 00:22:18,871 --> 00:22:20,640 Oh, God! Oh, goodness! 430 00:22:20,707 --> 00:22:22,875 I lost again! Oh, no. 431 00:22:22,942 --> 00:22:25,311 I've lost 13 student elections 432 00:22:25,378 --> 00:22:27,414 and the last one I wasn't even a student! 433 00:22:27,480 --> 00:22:29,382 Okay. Oh, God. 434 00:22:29,449 --> 00:22:31,518 Okay, here we go, tape number one. 435 00:22:31,584 --> 00:22:33,219 I can't belie... 436 00:22:33,285 --> 00:22:35,955 "My body is a hollow reed. 437 00:22:37,924 --> 00:22:40,460 "Trouble blows through me like the wind." 438 00:22:41,528 --> 00:22:42,862 (WHISTLES) 439 00:23:08,888 --> 00:23:09,889 (MUSIC CONTINUES)