1
00:00:00,801 --> 00:00:02,202
[theme song]

2
00:00:11,277 --> 00:00:14,781
♪ Sometimes the world
looks perfect ♪

3
00:00:14,815 --> 00:00:17,383
♪ Nothing to rearrange ♪

4
00:00:17,417 --> 00:00:20,353
♪ Sometimes you just
get a feeling ♪

5
00:00:20,386 --> 00:00:23,356
♪ Like you need
some kind of change ♪

6
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♪ No matter what the odds
are this time ♪

7
00:00:28,494 --> 00:00:30,564
♪ Nothing’s going
to stand in my way ♪

8
00:00:30,597 --> 00:00:32,232
♪ This flame in my heart ♪

9
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♪ And a long‐lost friend ♪

10
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♪ Gives every dark street
a light at the end ♪

11
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♪ Standing tall ♪

12
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♪ On the wings of my dream ♪

13
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♪ Rise and fall ♪

14
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♪ On the wings of my dream ♪

15
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♪ The rain and thunder ♪

16
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♪ The wind and haze ♪

17
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♪ I’m bound for better days ♪

18
00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:02,729
♪ It’s my life
and my dream ♪

19
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♪ And nothing’s going
to stop me now ♪

20
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[instrumental music]

21
00:01:23,449 --> 00:01:25,385
[instrumental music on stereo]

22
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You, you seem a little
distracted tonight

23
00:01:38,732 --> 00:01:41,802
my little pork loin.

24
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I was just thinking
about Jennifer and Larry.

25
00:01:45,271 --> 00:01:48,241
They get home
from their honeymoon tonight.

26
00:01:48,274 --> 00:01:50,811
Right about now Larry’s probably
carrying Jennifer

27
00:01:50,844 --> 00:01:54,247
across the threshold
of their new apartment.

28
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‐Isn’t it romantic?
‐Yes, it is.

29
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Unless Cousin Larry
threw his back out...

30
00:02:01,387 --> 00:02:03,590
...in which case
Cousin Jennifer is carrying him

31
00:02:03,624 --> 00:02:06,259
across the threshold.

32
00:02:06,292 --> 00:02:09,195
Which is still kind of
romantic in a ’90s kind of way.

33
00:02:12,666 --> 00:02:14,200
Well, as long as
the lights are low

34
00:02:14,234 --> 00:02:17,838
and it’s just
the two of us...

35
00:02:17,871 --> 00:02:21,241
why don’t we take advantage
of the situation?

36
00:02:21,274 --> 00:02:23,343
[giggles]

37
00:02:23,376 --> 00:02:24,745
I know what you’re thinking.

38
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Shadow animals.

39
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I’ll get the screen
and the lamp.

40
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Balki, that wasn’t what
I was thinking.

41
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Oh, what were you thinking?

42
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[music continues]

43
00:02:56,476 --> 00:02:58,512
Mary Anne, I need the key
to the apartment.

44
00:02:58,545 --> 00:03:01,982
Okay, Jennifer,
so, I made one little mistake!

45
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It was not
a little mistake.

46
00:03:03,884 --> 00:03:05,185
You didn’t put
the deposit down

47
00:03:05,218 --> 00:03:07,788
on our beautiful new apartment
and now it’s someone else’s

48
00:03:07,821 --> 00:03:10,323
beautiful new apartment.

49
00:03:10,356 --> 00:03:11,892
Jen... Jennifer,
I, I promise you

50
00:03:11,925 --> 00:03:13,393
by this time tomorrow

51
00:03:13,426 --> 00:03:15,328
we’ll have an even
nicer apartment

52
00:03:15,361 --> 00:03:16,897
th‐than the one we lost.

53
00:03:16,930 --> 00:03:18,799
That’s fine, Larry,
but until you find that place

54
00:03:18,832 --> 00:03:20,433
I’ll be living upstairs.

55
00:03:20,466 --> 00:03:22,368
Oh, we‐well,
well, at‐at least

56
00:03:22,402 --> 00:03:24,738
let me carry you over
your old threshold.

57
00:03:28,575 --> 00:03:30,310
‐Did you hear something?
‐No.

58
00:03:31,411 --> 00:03:33,346
[instrumental music]

59
00:03:39,820 --> 00:03:42,255
And here we are
back in the living room.

60
00:03:42,288 --> 00:03:43,657
Now, this room
has southern exposure

61
00:03:43,690 --> 00:03:45,659
so, you get lots of light
in here all day long.

62
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(Balki)
’Look out, everyone!’

63
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I’m racing my jacket down
the laundry chute!

64
00:03:56,469 --> 00:03:58,271
Larry, I love this house.

65
00:03:58,304 --> 00:03:59,706
It’s everything
I ever dreamed of.

66
00:03:59,740 --> 00:04:02,308
Well, nothing’s too good
for you, sweetheart.

67
00:04:05,779 --> 00:04:07,781
Yes! I won.

68
00:04:10,517 --> 00:04:12,586
And this is one
of my fastest jackets.

69
00:04:15,021 --> 00:04:17,490
Uh, Mr. Dexter, I’d like
to look at the upstairs again.

70
00:04:17,524 --> 00:04:18,491
Sure.

71
00:04:18,525 --> 00:04:20,460
Did you notice
that we have designer faucets

72
00:04:20,493 --> 00:04:22,696
in the master bathroom?

73
00:04:22,729 --> 00:04:25,566
Balki, isn’t this great?
Jennifer loves this house.

74
00:04:25,599 --> 00:04:28,401
Cousin, you are going
to be so happy here.

75
00:04:28,434 --> 00:04:30,403
No, no, not here,
we’re not gonna be living here.

76
00:04:30,436 --> 00:04:32,372
No, Jennifer and I could
never afford a place like this.

77
00:04:35,509 --> 00:04:38,044
Cousin, I, I, I know
you think of me

78
00:04:38,078 --> 00:04:40,346
as a simple
country pumpkin

79
00:04:40,380 --> 00:04:43,316
who just stepped off
the goat, but...

80
00:04:45,418 --> 00:04:48,421
...why would you show Jennifer
a house that you cannot afford?

81
00:04:48,454 --> 00:04:50,356
Well, Balki,
it’s simple.

82
00:04:50,390 --> 00:04:52,593
See, I promised Jennifer
I’d find her

83
00:04:52,626 --> 00:04:55,428
a terrific apartment to make up
for the one I lost.

84
00:04:55,461 --> 00:04:58,732
I couldn’t.
All I could find was a dump.

85
00:04:58,765 --> 00:05:00,734
Now, when Jennifer
comes back downstairs

86
00:05:00,767 --> 00:05:03,904
I’m going to insist
that we take this house.

87
00:05:03,937 --> 00:05:05,872
She’ll know we can’t
possibly afford it

88
00:05:05,906 --> 00:05:08,509
but I’ll tell her I’m willing
to sacrifice anything

89
00:05:08,542 --> 00:05:09,610
so she can have it.

90
00:05:09,643 --> 00:05:10,777
She still won’t take it

91
00:05:10,811 --> 00:05:13,379
but she’ll think that I am
the most wonderful husband

92
00:05:13,413 --> 00:05:14,915
in the world

93
00:05:14,948 --> 00:05:16,683
and we’ll live happily
ever after...

94
00:05:17,951 --> 00:05:19,352
...in that dump.

95
00:05:20,754 --> 00:05:21,755
Get it?

96
00:05:23,790 --> 00:05:25,458
I...

97
00:05:25,491 --> 00:05:27,493
I’m close...

98
00:05:27,528 --> 00:05:29,963
...but, eh, could we
take it again

99
00:05:29,996 --> 00:05:31,832
from "Balki, it’s simple?"

100
00:05:33,667 --> 00:05:35,435
Balki, all you have
to understand is that

101
00:05:35,468 --> 00:05:37,370
the more Jennifer
loves this house

102
00:05:37,403 --> 00:05:38,972
the more
she’s gonna love me.

103
00:05:39,005 --> 00:05:41,542
The more Cousin Jennifer
loves this house

104
00:05:41,575 --> 00:05:43,877
the more she will love
Cousin Larry.

105
00:05:43,910 --> 00:05:45,378
Yes, exactly.

106
00:05:48,782 --> 00:05:51,552
Well, Jennifer,
what do you think?

107
00:05:51,585 --> 00:05:53,453
I mean, it’s an amazing house,
isn’t it?

108
00:05:53,486 --> 00:05:54,988
Oh, Larry,
I love this house

109
00:05:55,021 --> 00:05:56,957
but we can’t afford it.

110
00:06:02,529 --> 00:06:04,631
Well, if you really want it

111
00:06:04,665 --> 00:06:07,834
we’ll‐we’ll just sacrifice
a‐and make it work somehow.

112
00:06:07,868 --> 00:06:10,504
I’ll probably have
to work a lot overtime.

113
00:06:10,537 --> 00:06:12,873
Maybe even
get a second job.

114
00:06:12,906 --> 00:06:14,808
We won’t be seeing
each other that much

115
00:06:14,841 --> 00:06:18,512
but, but, hey, if this
is what you want

116
00:06:18,545 --> 00:06:20,581
we’ll get it.

117
00:06:20,614 --> 00:06:22,983
Larry, I do love this house
but it’s too expensive.

118
00:06:23,016 --> 00:06:24,818
So. I don’t love it that much.

119
00:06:24,851 --> 00:06:26,820
‐Well, if that’s the way feel...
‐Are you crazy?

120
00:06:30,891 --> 00:06:33,560
Do you see
the same house I saw?

121
00:06:33,594 --> 00:06:35,161
Three spacious bedrooms?

122
00:06:35,195 --> 00:06:36,963
Two and a half baths?

123
00:06:36,997 --> 00:06:38,765
Did you see
the laundry chute?

124
00:06:38,799 --> 00:06:40,767
Yes, Balki, it’s
a very nice house

125
00:06:40,801 --> 00:06:42,703
but it’s just
really too expensive.

126
00:06:42,736 --> 00:06:43,870
Well, if you think
it’s too much‐‐

127
00:06:43,904 --> 00:06:46,006
How can you put a price
on the happiness

128
00:06:46,039 --> 00:06:47,741
that living in the house
like this could give you?

129
00:06:49,242 --> 00:06:51,678
Did you notice
the window seat?

130
00:06:51,712 --> 00:06:52,713
[gasps]

131
00:06:54,815 --> 00:06:56,550
Do you know
how many woman in America

132
00:06:56,583 --> 00:06:57,984
would give their eyebrow

133
00:06:58,018 --> 00:07:00,754
to have a window seat
like this?

134
00:07:00,787 --> 00:07:03,757
What about when it’s one of them
cold Chicago nights

135
00:07:03,790 --> 00:07:06,560
and it’s way too windy
to sit in the window seat?

136
00:07:06,593 --> 00:07:09,029
You want some place
nice and warm to snuggle up?

137
00:07:09,062 --> 00:07:10,531
You got it!

138
00:07:10,564 --> 00:07:11,898
You got it!
Look at this!

139
00:07:11,932 --> 00:07:13,767
It’s a walk‐in fireplace!

140
00:07:15,569 --> 00:07:17,203
But if you think
it’s too much‐‐

141
00:07:17,237 --> 00:07:20,507
Larry, you know,
Balki’s right.

142
00:07:20,541 --> 00:07:22,509
This house is too good
to pass up.

143
00:07:22,543 --> 00:07:25,612
I can work extra flights.
It’s worth any sacrifice.

144
00:07:26,713 --> 00:07:27,781
We’ll take the house.

145
00:07:27,814 --> 00:07:29,149
[gasps]
Oh.

146
00:07:31,251 --> 00:07:32,986
[instrumental music]

147
00:07:37,858 --> 00:07:39,192
[instrumental music]

148
00:07:48,969 --> 00:07:50,604
I’m sorry,
all I had leftover

149
00:07:50,637 --> 00:07:52,172
from my flight were
meals from coach.

150
00:08:01,114 --> 00:08:02,916
Would you like
another bag of peanuts?

151
00:08:15,762 --> 00:08:17,698
It’s so cold in here.

152
00:08:18,732 --> 00:08:20,266
’Don’t touch that!’

153
00:08:20,300 --> 00:08:23,136
Remember,
we made a choice.

154
00:08:23,169 --> 00:08:25,071
Pay for heat
or pay for the rent.

155
00:08:27,007 --> 00:08:29,676
I thought we sold our wedding
gifts to pay for the rent?

156
00:08:31,111 --> 00:08:33,547
No, no,
we sold our wedding gifts

157
00:08:33,580 --> 00:08:35,115
so we could turn on
the electricity.

158
00:08:36,617 --> 00:08:39,820
Larry, it’s cold

159
00:08:39,853 --> 00:08:41,788
I need to keep warm.

160
00:08:41,822 --> 00:08:43,924
And you certainly haven’t
done anything lately

161
00:08:43,957 --> 00:08:45,726
to raise my body temperature.

162
00:08:54,167 --> 00:08:56,937
I have been under
a lot of stress.

163
00:09:01,007 --> 00:09:02,876
And that’s my fault?

164
00:09:02,909 --> 00:09:05,646
We wouldn’t be in this mess
if it weren’t for you.

165
00:09:05,679 --> 00:09:07,113
Me?

166
00:09:07,147 --> 00:09:10,050
You‐you’re the one who,
who had to have this house.

167
00:09:10,083 --> 00:09:12,619
You’re the one who found
this house in the first place.

168
00:09:12,653 --> 00:09:14,187
[knocking on door]

169
00:09:15,856 --> 00:09:17,658
I’ll get it, Larry,
I wouldn’t want to put you

170
00:09:17,691 --> 00:09:19,593
through the stress
of opening the door.

171
00:09:21,962 --> 00:09:23,029
Hi, Balki.
Come on in.

172
00:09:24,665 --> 00:09:25,666
Uh‐huh.

173
00:09:27,333 --> 00:09:28,334
Uh‐huh.

174
00:09:29,903 --> 00:09:31,605
I love it.

175
00:09:31,638 --> 00:09:33,173
I love what you’ve done
with the place.

176
00:09:37,243 --> 00:09:40,013
I’m so glad you didn’t fall
into that Santa Fe trap.

177
00:09:42,649 --> 00:09:44,751
Uh, I made you
a housewarming gift.

178
00:09:44,785 --> 00:09:47,187
It’s a big batch
of ferret juice.

179
00:09:47,220 --> 00:09:49,623
Just let the fur
rise to the top...

180
00:09:51,658 --> 00:09:53,193
...and then skim it off.

181
00:09:54,895 --> 00:09:56,062
Thank you, Balki.

182
00:09:59,165 --> 00:10:01,101
I’ll just go
wash our glass.

183
00:10:05,872 --> 00:10:08,108
This minimalist look
you’re going for is really

184
00:10:08,141 --> 00:10:10,176
starting to come together.

185
00:10:12,178 --> 00:10:14,414
Balki, this isn’t
a minimalist look

186
00:10:14,447 --> 00:10:16,950
it’s a poverty look.

187
00:10:16,983 --> 00:10:19,720
We‐we, we can’t
afford anything

188
00:10:19,753 --> 00:10:21,822
and, and it’s all your fault.

189
00:10:21,855 --> 00:10:23,757
It’s your fault
we live like this.

190
00:10:23,790 --> 00:10:26,359
It’s your fault for convincing
Jennifer she wanted this house

191
00:10:26,392 --> 00:10:28,361
and turning my life
into a living hell!

192
00:10:30,997 --> 00:10:33,299
Cousin, if you want
to choke me

193
00:10:33,333 --> 00:10:35,702
if that makes you feel better,
go right ahead.

194
00:10:36,336 --> 00:10:38,304
[muttering]

195
00:10:38,338 --> 00:10:41,407
Okay, alright, I’m sorry.
I’m sorry.

196
00:10:41,441 --> 00:10:43,276
I’m as much
to blame as you are.

197
00:10:43,309 --> 00:10:46,680
But, I‐I just wanted
Jennifer to be happy

198
00:10:46,713 --> 00:10:47,981
at the start of our marriage.

199
00:10:48,014 --> 00:10:50,150
And now look at me!

200
00:10:50,183 --> 00:10:53,386
Look at me! I mean,
I’m eating airline peanuts.

201
00:10:53,419 --> 00:10:54,721
And, and I’m

202
00:10:54,755 --> 00:10:56,289
and I’m too‐too tensed to...

203
00:11:04,130 --> 00:11:06,399
...perform
my husbandly duties.

204
00:11:09,469 --> 00:11:10,937
Oh, that’s horrible...

205
00:11:12,272 --> 00:11:14,741
...making Cousin Jennifer
take out the garbage.

206
00:11:19,913 --> 00:11:22,315
Larry, I can’t go on
living like this.

207
00:11:22,348 --> 00:11:25,485
This house is cold,
we’re eating airline food

208
00:11:25,519 --> 00:11:27,120
and I just broke
our only glass.

209
00:11:28,889 --> 00:11:31,224
Larry, we can’t afford
this house. We have to move.

210
00:11:31,257 --> 00:11:33,259
Jen, we have been over this.

211
00:11:33,293 --> 00:11:35,161
There‐there’s no way
we can break our lease.

212
00:11:36,396 --> 00:11:38,899
But, but maybe
my night job

213
00:11:38,932 --> 00:11:41,467
at the slaughter house
will come through.

214
00:11:41,502 --> 00:11:43,469
Find a way
to break our lease!

215
00:11:43,504 --> 00:11:45,939
‐Find a way to break‐‐
‐Cousin! Stop it! Stop it!

216
00:11:45,972 --> 00:11:47,874
‐Stop it!
‐Sorry, sorry.

217
00:11:47,908 --> 00:11:49,810
[gasping]

218
00:11:50,877 --> 00:11:52,445
May I make an observation?

219
00:11:54,180 --> 00:11:56,349
I sense
a lot of tension here.

220
00:11:57,984 --> 00:11:59,853
Now, now,
listen to me, cousin

221
00:11:59,886 --> 00:12:01,922
your landlord look
like a nice man.

222
00:12:01,955 --> 00:12:03,924
He look like if you
explain yourself to him

223
00:12:03,957 --> 00:12:05,158
he’ll understand.

224
00:12:05,191 --> 00:12:07,127
Just go to him
and tell him the truth.

225
00:12:08,128 --> 00:12:10,230
Well, you know...

226
00:12:10,263 --> 00:12:11,998
...that might just be
crazy enough to work.

227
00:12:13,133 --> 00:12:14,467
Well, what have we got to lose?

228
00:12:14,500 --> 00:12:17,938
Yeah, I’ll, I’ll go down
and talk to Mr. Dexter

229
00:12:17,971 --> 00:12:19,840
and‐and tell him the truth!

230
00:12:19,873 --> 00:12:21,407
I‐I haven’t tried that.

231
00:12:22,809 --> 00:12:24,344
Maybe he’ll feel sorry for me.

232
00:12:25,311 --> 00:12:27,047
I know I do.

233
00:12:29,482 --> 00:12:32,152
Well, feed me nails
and call me Rusty.

234
00:12:36,389 --> 00:12:38,559
He’s going
to tell the truth.

235
00:12:38,592 --> 00:12:41,528
Oh, Balki, Mr. Dexter will
never let us out of the lease.

236
00:12:41,562 --> 00:12:43,864
We have to help him.
I have a plan!

237
00:12:43,897 --> 00:12:45,031
Oh, God!

238
00:12:45,065 --> 00:12:47,000
[instrumental music]

239
00:12:55,375 --> 00:12:57,878
Come on, Balki. Larry should be
with Mr. Dexter by now.

240
00:13:01,014 --> 00:13:04,350
I just figured out
what you want to do.

241
00:13:04,384 --> 00:13:07,353
You want to call Mr. Dexter
and pretend that we are people

242
00:13:07,387 --> 00:13:09,856
who want to rent the apartment
for more money.

243
00:13:09,890 --> 00:13:12,058
‐That’s right.
‐That is dishonest.

244
00:13:12,092 --> 00:13:13,960
I’m not going
to let you do that.

245
00:13:15,395 --> 00:13:16,863
Alright, fine, Balki.

246
00:13:16,897 --> 00:13:19,465
‐We’ll, we’ll do it your way.
‐Good.

247
00:13:19,499 --> 00:13:21,602
I’ll call Mr. Dexter
and tell him the truth.

248
00:13:21,635 --> 00:13:22,836
Good.

249
00:13:26,973 --> 00:13:29,375
He won’t let us
out of the lease.

250
00:13:29,409 --> 00:13:31,512
It’ll take every dime
we have to pay for the rent

251
00:13:31,545 --> 00:13:34,548
but eventually
we’ll run out of dimes.

252
00:13:34,581 --> 00:13:36,316
We’ll be living on the street.

253
00:13:39,119 --> 00:13:41,287
[gasps]
Oh, look! Look!

254
00:13:41,321 --> 00:13:43,524
Balki, who’s that?

255
00:13:43,557 --> 00:13:45,358
Who’s that digging through
the trash for food?

256
00:13:48,261 --> 00:13:49,395
Mrs. Schlegelmilch?

257
00:13:51,532 --> 00:13:53,433
It’s Cousin Larry.

258
00:13:53,466 --> 00:13:55,301
[gasps]
Oh, and who’s that
pathetic little creature

259
00:13:55,335 --> 00:13:57,538
in rags next to him?

260
00:13:57,571 --> 00:13:58,605
Me?

261
00:14:00,907 --> 00:14:02,242
It’s Cousin Jennifer.

262
00:14:03,409 --> 00:14:05,979
They’re hungry.

263
00:14:06,012 --> 00:14:07,313
Oh, sure, every once
in a while you’ll come by

264
00:14:07,347 --> 00:14:09,182
our little cardboard box
and give us some food.

265
00:14:09,215 --> 00:14:11,918
But one day
you’ll come by and...

266
00:14:11,952 --> 00:14:13,887
...we won’t be there.

267
00:14:16,456 --> 00:14:17,457
Why not?

268
00:14:20,160 --> 00:14:21,227
We’ll be dead.

269
00:14:21,261 --> 00:14:23,429
[crying]

270
00:14:23,463 --> 00:14:26,166
But, hey, the important thing is
you didn’t have to lie.

271
00:14:26,199 --> 00:14:28,201
No, Cousin Jennifer,
I don’t want you to be dead.

272
00:14:28,234 --> 00:14:30,537
We have to be dead.
We’re dead! We’re dead!

273
00:14:30,571 --> 00:14:32,539
I don’t want you to be dead!
I don’t want you to be dead!

274
00:14:32,573 --> 00:14:33,607
Fine. Make the call.

275
00:14:33,640 --> 00:14:35,141
[gasps]

276
00:14:35,175 --> 00:14:36,409
Oh, you’re good.

277
00:14:39,179 --> 00:14:40,180
[clears throat]

278
00:14:43,584 --> 00:14:45,686
‐Hello, Mr. Dexter. This is‐‐
‐No, Balki! Stop!

279
00:14:45,719 --> 00:14:47,487
‐Disguise your voice.
‐What?

280
00:14:47,521 --> 00:14:49,089
Well, pretend
you’re someone else.

281
00:14:49,122 --> 00:14:51,091
‐Who?
‐Anybody! Just do it!

282
00:14:51,124 --> 00:14:53,159
[breathing heavily]

283
00:14:53,193 --> 00:14:55,128
This is Robin Leach...

284
00:14:59,432 --> 00:15:02,135
...wishing you champagne wishes
and caviar dreams...

285
00:15:04,470 --> 00:15:08,074
...from our exclusive
state‐of‐the‐art super villa

286
00:15:08,108 --> 00:15:13,179
in fabulous
Puerta Vallarta!

287
00:15:13,213 --> 00:15:16,282
Not long ago
I was in Chicago

288
00:15:16,316 --> 00:15:19,452
that glittering jewel of steel
and glass quivering

289
00:15:19,485 --> 00:15:23,389
on the edge
of fabulous Lake Michigan...

290
00:15:23,423 --> 00:15:25,559
...and I happened to see
that adorable little house

291
00:15:25,592 --> 00:15:28,562
you had for rent
on fabulous Elm Street.

292
00:15:28,595 --> 00:15:30,030
That’s the one!

293
00:15:30,063 --> 00:15:32,198
That gem of gingerbread

294
00:15:32,232 --> 00:15:35,201
with its tempting turret
towering towards the twilight.

295
00:15:37,170 --> 00:15:40,273
I happened to mention it
to Charles and Di

296
00:15:40,306 --> 00:15:43,510
and the Prince and Princess
of Wales were wowed.

297
00:15:43,544 --> 00:15:47,013
Chic Chuck and Divine Di
said I would be foolish

298
00:15:47,047 --> 00:15:48,549
not to climb
on the Concord

299
00:15:48,582 --> 00:15:52,218
and jet right back here
and take it!

300
00:15:52,252 --> 00:15:53,687
What do you mean
it’s already been rented?

301
00:15:53,720 --> 00:15:55,155
‐No!
‐No!

302
00:15:55,188 --> 00:15:58,324
No! I’ve already
invited Liz and Joan

303
00:15:58,358 --> 00:16:02,128
and Liza and Ivana
for a pull‐out‐all‐the‐stops

304
00:16:02,162 --> 00:16:03,997
fabulous housewarming!

305
00:16:04,030 --> 00:16:05,766
I need that house, Mr. Dexter.

306
00:16:05,799 --> 00:16:08,101
Money is no object.

307
00:16:08,134 --> 00:16:10,370
The‐the current tenant
is there with you?

308
00:16:10,403 --> 00:16:13,239
Fabulous! It’s real‐life drama
at its best!

309
00:16:14,307 --> 00:16:16,743
Mr. Dexter, if you can
get him to break

310
00:16:16,777 --> 00:16:18,545
his lackluster lease

311
00:16:18,579 --> 00:16:20,681
I’ll offer you
a hundred dollars more a month

312
00:16:20,714 --> 00:16:23,016
than you’re getting now.

313
00:16:23,049 --> 00:16:25,652
No? No? Did I say
a hundred dollars more a month

314
00:16:25,686 --> 00:16:26,720
than you’re gettin’ now?

315
00:16:26,753 --> 00:16:28,154
Small change

316
00:16:28,188 --> 00:16:30,524
in the glittering world
of top real estate!

317
00:16:32,125 --> 00:16:34,294
I’ll give you double
what you’re getting now!

318
00:16:35,128 --> 00:16:36,630
No? Triple!

319
00:16:36,663 --> 00:16:39,032
I’ll give you triple
what you’re getting now!

320
00:16:39,065 --> 00:16:42,135
That’s almost
three times as much.

321
00:16:42,168 --> 00:16:45,572
Mr. Dexter,
I need that house.

322
00:16:45,606 --> 00:16:47,741
Call me when the house
becomes available.

323
00:16:47,774 --> 00:16:50,243
My number?
My number is, uh, is...

324
00:16:50,276 --> 00:16:51,578
Wha... My number is

325
00:16:51,612 --> 00:16:53,680
five‐five‐five

326
00:16:53,714 --> 00:16:57,450
four‐six‐nine‐three.

327
00:16:57,483 --> 00:16:59,219
Will I repeat that?

328
00:17:00,721 --> 00:17:03,489
Five‐five‐five‐four

329
00:17:03,524 --> 00:17:06,793
six‐nine‐three‐zero.

330
00:17:06,827 --> 00:17:08,562
No! No! No!

331
00:17:08,595 --> 00:17:10,396
Go! Go! Go!

332
00:17:10,430 --> 00:17:12,165
Ow! Ow! Ow!

333
00:17:12,198 --> 00:17:14,334
I’m gonna kill you!
I’m give up.

334
00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:17,137
Mr. Dexter, uh,
goodbye, Mr. Dexter

335
00:17:17,170 --> 00:17:19,740
and remember to always reach
for your dreams in life and love

336
00:17:19,773 --> 00:17:21,174
and you too will be a winner!

337
00:17:21,207 --> 00:17:23,209
Thank you for joining us.
I’m Robin Leach.

338
00:17:27,413 --> 00:17:30,150
[instrumental music]

339
00:17:35,722 --> 00:17:38,091
‐Balki, where’s Jennifer?
‐She’s upstairs.

340
00:17:38,124 --> 00:17:39,059
‐I gotta find her.
‐She’s upstairs.

341
00:17:39,092 --> 00:17:40,426
‐I gotta talk to her.
‐She’s upstairs.

342
00:17:40,460 --> 00:17:41,828
I gotta tell her
some great news!

343
00:17:41,862 --> 00:17:43,830
Well, cousin, that don’t change
a thing. She’s still upstairs.

344
00:17:43,864 --> 00:17:45,298
Now, why you don’t
tell me your news.

345
00:17:45,331 --> 00:17:47,100
Alright, Balki, Balki, Balki

346
00:17:47,133 --> 00:17:48,569
I just came
from Mr. Dexter’s office

347
00:17:48,602 --> 00:17:49,870
and you’ll never
guess what happened.

348
00:17:49,903 --> 00:17:52,205
Tell me, cousin.
Don’t keep me on suspenders.

349
00:17:53,740 --> 00:17:55,542
Okay. You know, I went
to Mr. Dexter’s

350
00:17:55,576 --> 00:17:57,477
to try to get him to let us
out of the lease.

351
00:17:57,511 --> 00:17:58,679
‐Yeah.
‐Okay.

352
00:17:58,712 --> 00:17:59,880
Alright, well, at first
he was pretty firm

353
00:17:59,913 --> 00:18:01,247
he was gonna hold me to it.

354
00:18:01,281 --> 00:18:04,350
B‐but then
I told him the truth!

355
00:18:04,384 --> 00:18:07,420
Me, Larry Appleton!

356
00:18:07,453 --> 00:18:09,823
And here’s the weird part

357
00:18:09,856 --> 00:18:12,125
it worked!

358
00:18:12,158 --> 00:18:13,426
The truth worked!

359
00:18:13,459 --> 00:18:14,861
I don’t know how,
I don’t know why

360
00:18:14,895 --> 00:18:16,329
but it worked!

361
00:18:16,362 --> 00:18:18,498
‐Get out of the city!
‐Well, wait, wait, wait!

362
00:18:18,532 --> 00:18:21,535
It gets better. Y‐you’ll never
guessed what happened.

363
00:18:21,568 --> 00:18:23,369
Tell me, cousin, I never
could guess what happened.

364
00:18:23,403 --> 00:18:25,639
And not in a million years
could I guess what happened.

365
00:18:25,672 --> 00:18:27,674
You’d better tell me
what happened.

366
00:18:28,842 --> 00:18:30,677
‐The phone rang.
‐No.

367
00:18:32,478 --> 00:18:34,447
I could tell from Mr. Dexter’s
end of the conversation

368
00:18:34,480 --> 00:18:37,551
that someone was interested
in renting our house.

369
00:18:37,584 --> 00:18:39,620
And you’re not gonna
believe who it was.

370
00:18:39,653 --> 00:18:41,187
Who?

371
00:18:41,221 --> 00:18:42,388
Robin Leach.

372
00:18:42,422 --> 00:18:43,824
‐No!
‐Yes!

373
00:18:43,857 --> 00:18:46,660
‐No!
‐Yes. Robin Leach!

374
00:18:46,693 --> 00:18:48,562
He wanted to rent the house
and he was willing to pay

375
00:18:48,595 --> 00:18:50,163
more money
than we’re paying!

376
00:18:50,196 --> 00:18:52,332
Well, that’s when
I saw my chance.

377
00:18:52,365 --> 00:18:54,868
Oh, God.

378
00:18:56,570 --> 00:18:59,573
Mr. Dexter was just about
to let me out of the lease

379
00:18:59,606 --> 00:19:01,542
but I was too smart for him.

380
00:19:06,279 --> 00:19:08,782
Please, cousin, don’t tell me
you were too smart for him.

381
00:19:10,450 --> 00:19:13,654
I was way too smart for him.

382
00:19:13,687 --> 00:19:14,921
When Mr. Dexter
wasn’t looking

383
00:19:14,955 --> 00:19:17,924
I copied down
Robin Leach’s phone number.

384
00:19:17,958 --> 00:19:19,793
I’m going to call him.
and sublet the house to him

385
00:19:19,826 --> 00:19:20,794
for three times
what we’re paying.

386
00:19:20,827 --> 00:19:23,697
We’ll make 200 percent profit
every month!

387
00:19:23,730 --> 00:19:25,265
Cousin, there’s something
I think you should know.

388
00:19:25,298 --> 00:19:26,633
Well, hold on,
because I gotta make this call.

389
00:19:26,667 --> 00:19:27,534
Well, there’s something
I’ve got to tell you.

390
00:19:27,568 --> 00:19:29,803
Balki, hold on.
Let me make this call.

391
00:19:32,939 --> 00:19:34,508
Hello!

392
00:19:34,541 --> 00:19:35,776
Pioli’s Pizza?

393
00:19:37,878 --> 00:19:39,379
Why would Robin Leach
call and leave the number

394
00:19:39,412 --> 00:19:40,847
for Pioli’s Pizza?

395
00:19:40,881 --> 00:19:42,549
Well, cousin,
perhaps he’s smitten

396
00:19:42,583 --> 00:19:43,817
with their spectacularly

397
00:19:43,850 --> 00:19:46,452
succulent
Sicilian sausage pizza

398
00:19:46,486 --> 00:19:49,823
with a delicioso deep‐dish
doughy crust!

399
00:19:53,459 --> 00:19:55,461
[instrumental music]

400
00:19:57,598 --> 00:19:59,399
[instrumental music]

401
00:20:01,535 --> 00:20:04,738
Jennifer? Jennifer?

402
00:20:04,771 --> 00:20:07,941
Larry! Larry, I’m glad
you’re home. I have great news.

403
00:20:07,974 --> 00:20:10,376
So do I, you remember
we decided the only way

404
00:20:10,410 --> 00:20:11,878
we could afford this house
was to rent a room?

405
00:20:11,912 --> 00:20:12,946
Yes, I do.

406
00:20:12,979 --> 00:20:14,948
Well, since you were going away
on a long flight

407
00:20:14,981 --> 00:20:16,750
I decided to take
the responsibility on myself

408
00:20:16,783 --> 00:20:18,585
I found us a roommate.

409
00:20:18,619 --> 00:20:19,753
Well, Larry,
that’s very sweet

410
00:20:19,786 --> 00:20:21,922
but I thought that since
you’ve been working overtime

411
00:20:21,955 --> 00:20:23,423
I would take on
the responsibility

412
00:20:23,456 --> 00:20:24,725
of finding a roommate

413
00:20:24,758 --> 00:20:27,360
thereby reducing
your stress.

414
00:20:30,531 --> 00:20:31,665
I found us a roommate.

415
00:20:31,698 --> 00:20:32,733
Well, that’s very thoughtful

416
00:20:32,766 --> 00:20:34,635
but I found
a perfect roommate.

417
00:20:34,668 --> 00:20:35,869
Well, that’s very kind of you

418
00:20:35,902 --> 00:20:37,904
but I found
the perfect roommate.

419
00:20:37,938 --> 00:20:39,372
Come on down!

420
00:20:47,714 --> 00:20:49,349
Mary Anne,
what are you doing here?

421
00:20:49,382 --> 00:20:50,684
I’m gonna live here.

422
00:20:50,717 --> 00:20:52,653
‐She’s gonna live here?
‐Yes.

423
00:20:52,686 --> 00:20:54,988
Well, feed me bran
and call me regular.

424
00:20:58,925 --> 00:21:00,527
I’m gonna live here, too!

425
00:21:00,561 --> 00:21:01,895
[shrieking]

426
00:21:03,930 --> 00:21:05,999
Well, there are
three bedrooms.

427
00:21:06,032 --> 00:21:08,068
And we can split
the expenses.

428
00:21:08,101 --> 00:21:10,436
And still have some money
left over for a few luxuries

429
00:21:10,470 --> 00:21:12,005
like food and heat.

430
00:21:13,640 --> 00:21:16,510
This is great! We’ll have
a big celebration dinner.

431
00:21:16,543 --> 00:21:17,911
I hope you’re all hungry

432
00:21:17,944 --> 00:21:19,980
because I made
a big batch of pig snout.

433
00:21:20,013 --> 00:21:22,583
I’ve got it marinating
right now in orange Kool Aid.

434
00:21:25,919 --> 00:21:29,355
Hey, is this gonna be
great or what?

435
00:21:29,389 --> 00:21:31,391
Oh‐ho!

436
00:21:32,693 --> 00:21:35,428
[instrumental music]

437
00:22:01,021 --> 00:22:02,989
[sighs]
I’m gonna miss
this apartment, Balki.

438
00:22:04,825 --> 00:22:06,760
We had a lot of good times here.

439
00:22:09,896 --> 00:22:10,964
Yes, we did.

440
00:22:12,132 --> 00:22:13,867
[instrumental music]

441
00:22:32,519 --> 00:22:33,820
[theme music]