[theme song]
♪ Sometimes the world looks perfect ♪
♪ Nothing to rearrange ♪
♪ Sometimes you just get a feeling ♪
♪ Like you need some kind of change ♪
♪ No matter what the odds are this time ♪
♪ Nothing’s gonna stand in my way ♪
♪ This flame in my heart ♪
♪ Like a long lost friend ♪
♪ Gives every dark street a light at the end ♪
♪ Standing tall ♪
♪ On the wings of my dream ♪
♪ Rise and fall ♪
♪ On the wings of my dream ♪
♪ The rain and thunder ♪
♪ The wind and haze ♪
♪ I’m bound for better days ♪
♪ Ahh ♪
♪ It’s my life and my dream ♪
♪ Nothing’s gonna stop me now ♪
[instrumental music]
Come on, cousin, we got a lot to do
before King Ferdinand gets here.
Cousin, uh, uh, didn’t you see your outfit?
I laid it up on your bed for you.
Come on, go upstairs and change. Come on. Bushi, bushi, bushi‐‐
No, no, no, no, no. No.
Balki, Balki, I agreed
to let you decorate the house with a salad bar.
And I agreed to let you have a reception
here for King Ferdinand.
But I am not dressing up like a snout merchant.
‐How about just the loincloth? ‐No.
But, uh, cousin, this is a special occasion.
King Ferdinand is going to be
the grand marshal of a parade.
Parade?
Balki, he’s walking down Stage Street
with a bunch of cows.
Cousin, King Ferdinand
is leading the Livestock Liberation Parade.
Alright, uh, uh, let’s just, uh
go over the official greeting for royalty.
Okay, now, cousin, this is very important.
Um...when meeting royalty
protocol must be followed, alright?
So, the king will come to the door and he will say
in his most regal voice, "Knock, knock."
And then you, as head of the household, will say
"Who’s there?"
And then the king will say, "The king."
And then you will say, "The king who?"
And then the king will say, "Gesundheit"and then we laugh.
Okay, so...laugh. Let‐let me hear it.
[mock laughter]
Not exactly the big yuk I was hoping for but...
...then again I don’t have the king’s delivery.
‐What can I tell you? ‐’Knock, knock!’
The king’s early.
Oh, oh, God, oh God, he’s early!
I haven’t even had the chance to spray
the room with welcoming goat fragrance.
Alright, alright, calm down, calm down.
It’s okay, everything’s under control.
‐Uh, uh... ‐Come on, come on.
‐We can do this, here we go. ‐Oh, God...
‐Here we go. Okay? ‐’Knock, knock!’
‐Who’s there? ‐’The king.’
‐The king who? ‐ ’Gesundheit!’
[laughter]
You may speak!
Welcome to our humble home, Your Gratuitousness.
♪ Hoo ♪ ♪ Patam‐patam‐pa ♪
♪ Tada‐da‐da ♪
♪ Patam‐pa tada‐deda ♪
♪ Hee ♪ ♪ Patam‐patam‐pa ♪
♪ Hoo ♪ ♪ Patam‐patam‐pa ♪
♪ Deee‐oh ♪ ♪ Yip ♪
♪ Ramba ramba ding‐dong ♪
♪ Hoo baby hee momma give it all you got ♪
‐Oh, po po. ‐Oh, po po.
[laughs]
‐And you must be Cousin Larry? ‐Aha... Oh, boy.
You may speak!
[grunts]
Uh, w‐w‐welcome, uh‐uh‐uh
to America, Your‐Your...
Superfluousness.
...Superfluousness.
Thanks.
You may rise.
Thank you.
Uh, Your Majesty
w‐w‐where would you like to go first?
To see a dentist!
See a dentist?
I have to get my crown replaced.
It’s a king joke.
[laughing]
Where does he come up with them?
Whoa‐ha‐ha!
I think he likes you. Scratch him behind the ears.
Uh, um‐um, Balki, I‐I think something’s wrong.
Oh, cousin, it’s probably just a serious case of jetlag.
Isn’t it? Isn’t it?
No, Balki, I‐I‐I don’t think that it’s jetlag.
He’s dead.
Are you sure?
Positive.
King Ferdinand is dead.
All hail Cousin Larry, the new king of Mypos.
[instrumental music]
‐You okay? ‐Yeah.
[sobbing]
We all knew the king had a weak heart.
Everybody always said
"Long live the king," but nobody really believed it.
Well, we should call someone to move him.
Oh, no. No‐no, cousin.
We cannot do that.
The Kingly Carcass must not be moved
until the speaker of the hut arrives.
The who?
The Speaker of the Hut of Representatives.
He is the man who oversees the day‐to‐day
governing of Mypos.
And in his spare time he manages
a four‐day tire store.
He’s really a very nice guy.
Too bad he wasn’t here to catch the king.
Everybody always said, he’d make a great king.
Anyway, you’ll like him, Your Diminutiveness.
Don’t call me "Your Diminutiveness."
As you wish.
No, no, no‐no.
No, get up, get up.
Get up, get up.
Get up... You may rise.
Don’t call me "Your Diminutiveness."
As you wish, Your Compactness.
Uh‐uh‐uh, Balki, just because the king died in my arms
doesn’t mean that I am the king of Mypos.
Cousin, I’m telling you this, whoever is the first person
to touch the king after he dies becomes the new king.
It’s a tradition.
W‐well, w‐w‐what if he had fallen into someone else’s arms?
Someone else would be the new king.
‐Really? ‐Yes, really.
Now, if you’ll excuse me
I have to call Mypos to tell the authorities
that you’re going to be the new king.
Oh, no‐no‐no...
Hold‐hold‐hold off on that call.
I need to give them time to put your face on the money.
No. No, Balki. Balki, we have got to...
They’re going to put my face on the money?
Well, just the five digda note and the pingis.
They’re are going to put my face on the money?
Wait, no, alright, no, no, no! Look, Balki!
Th‐th‐this is crazy. Just hold off on that call.
Alright, you‐you know, if I’m going to be king
I need to immerse myself in the food of my people.
I just happen to have a vat of yak fat.
No, you know, Balki.
I’m not in a yak fat mood.
Go out and get me some chocolate covered...goat parts.
Which goat parts would you like?
Get me the sampler.
Go now.
As you wish, Your Petiteness.
[instrumental music]
I, I‐I couldn’t find any chocolate covered
goat parts, Your Liplessness.
So, I’ll just heat up some chocolate and dip them myself.
Thank you, Balki.
You know, Your Majesty, you couldn’t ask
for a more loyal subject than Balki Bartokomous.
Oh! Hi, Balki.
[gasps]
He’s alive. He’s alive.
All hail King Ferdinand of Mypos!
[instrumental music]
Balki, don’t get your hopes up.
King Ferdinand is still dead.
But, cousin, cousin, he, he waved at me.
You‐you must have seen it, you were sitting right there.
Yeah, Balki, I made him wave.
See? Fishing line, huh?
Pretty good, huh?
You’re playing puppets with a dead monarch?
Balki, Balki, look. Here’s my plan.
We’ll just keep King Ferdinand alive for just a few more hours
then dump him into the arms of the speaker of the hut
when he arrives at the reception.
The speaker will be king and everybody will be happy.
Your Obsessiveness
you caught the king, so you are the king
I rest my face.
Balki, Balki, now, now, listen to me.
Listen to me, listen to me, will you?
‐Just stop, stop! ‐No, no, no!
Balki, you said it yourself.
The speaker of the hut would make a terrific king for Mypos.
Well, he has been trying to catch a dead king for years.
And I would make a lousy king, you know me.
I‐I’m selfish, pushy, greedy.
Shallow, hypocritical
and a bold‐faced liar.
But that won’t impair your ability to lead the country.
Face it, you’re the king.
Oh, no, no, no...
Uh, oh, al‐alright.
Alright...
...I’ll be the king.
You may rise.
Balki, you know the first thing I’m going to do
as king of Mypos?
Put a booster chair on the throne?
No.
I am going to turn the island of Mypos
into a radioactive toxic waste dump.
What do you think of that?
I don’t think you should do that.
Oh, you don’t think I should do that?
Mm‐hmm, no, no, no, I don’t think you should do that‐‐
But I am the king and I think as the king
I would know what’s best for the island.
And nobody, not you, not the speaker of the hut
can stop me... Get down there!
Get down there! Yes, yes...
[Balki grunting]
Yes, a radioactive toxic waste dump it will be.
‐You may rise. ‐No, no, no.
Of course, all the Mypiots will glow in the dark.
No.
But think of all the money we’ll save on
florescent vests for the road crews!
Try me for treason and call me eggs benedict but...
...I don’t think you should be the king.
Oh, you don’t think I should be the king?
No, I don’t think you should be the king.
Oh, you don’t think I should be the king?
‐Oh, but I am the king. ‐But you should not be...
I am the king... Get down there!
Get down there...huh!
[Balki sobbing]
I am the king.
[whimpering]
But I don’t think you should be the king.
Oh, you don’t think I should be the king?
No, I don’t.
Oh, you don’t think I should be the king?
But I am the king and it’s too late now.
‐It’s too late now. ‐Yes.
Yes, it’s too late now.
[gasps] Unless...
It’s too late now...
[sobbing]
Yes, yes.
‐Unless... ‐Unless what?
Unless...
Oh, no. It would never work. It’s too perfect.
Cousin, we may have to settle for perfect. We’re desperate.
Well, you know, I was thinking...
If we pretend King Ferdinand is alive
and then drop him into the arms of‐of someone
who would make a terrific king...
Someone who would know how to run the country.
Someone who has been waiting to catch a king for years...
But no one comes to mind.
Wait a minute! I know someone.
‐The speaker of the hut. ‐Huh, Balki!
‐You’re a genius. ‐Well, I did, you know‐‐
We’ll just drop the king into the arms
of the speaker of the hut and we’ll save Mypos.
Oh, cousin!
Cousin, we have to go make King Ferdinand
ready for the party!
[instrumental music]
Here you go, cousin. I thought you might...want that.
Thank you.
[mumbling]
(Larry) ’Balki, there he is.’
Well, that’s our speaker alright. Old Walki Talki.
And his lovely wife, Chatti Kathi.
Although she, she prefers to be called Cookie.
‐Balki, go get him. ‐Okay.
Well, you’re absolutely right, Your Majesty.
It makes a marvelous aftershave.
Oki doki, how’s it hangi?
Oki doki, Balki. Reminiski Cookie?
You bet your bibbibabka!
‐How’s it hangi, Cookie? ‐Super.
(all) Ingi wingi wingi. Oh, w‐woww!
Whoa! Oh! Oh!
Oh, King Ferdinand, you little scamp.
[laughs]
Whoa! Oh!
Oh, you little devil.
[Lydia laughs]
Ooh. Ha ha ha.
Oh, cold hands, warm heart.
‐ Suplitaki, Walki Talki? ‐Balki, no can do.
Cousin, cousin, cousin, we‐we have a big problem.
The speaker and King Ferdinand aren’t speaking to each other.
They had a big fight before they left Mypos.
Something about whether
Certs is really two‐two‐two mints in one.
Alright, Balki, new plan.
If the speaker won’t come to the king
the king will have to go to the speaker.
Hold this, hold this. Just hold this.
Ah. Ahem, uh, excuse me, uh, Your Majesty.
Uh, Lydia, I know the king has taken a great liking to you
but it really is time for him to mingle with the other guests.
Well, alright, as long as you promise
to save me a dance later tonight.
Do you promise?
[chuckles] Well, I don’t think he’ll have time for that.
Ooh. Maybe he will.
Balki, will you give me a hand?
S‐s‐stop it, just stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it!
A dead man is not a toy.
Balki, we’ve got to get the king to the speaker of the hut.
Now we can’t just drag him around the room.
‐We gotta make him look alive. ‐No problem, cousin.
[grunting]
[instrumental music]
Balki, just get the speaker of the hut to turn around
and I’ll drop King Ferdinand into his arms.
Got it.
Uh, Cookie. Cookie, did you see over there?
We have, uh, chips and sheep dip.
Your Speakership, there’s something I have never told you.
The night that you and Cookie did the
"Captain and Tennille" medley, I was really moved.
‐Ooh. ‐No, yes I was. Oh, yes.
Um, I finally understood the meaning of "Muskrat Love."
Oh, look, the king.
I’ve got nothing to say to you.
Oh, uh, well, uh, sorry about that, uh
loose floor board, Your Majesty.
We’ll just have that fixed i‐immediately.
[panting]
Alright, let’s go.
Oh, no time for that. Look, let’s just get him over there.
Come on.
Oh, no more punch for you, big guy.
[grunting]
‐Hold him. ‐Okay.
Uh... Excuse me, uh, Mr. Hut?
The king would like to apologize to you
for arguing with you earlier.
Well, is that so?
Well, this I would like to hear.
Whoo‐ooh!
‐The king is dead! ‐The king is dead!
‐Long live Queen Cookie. ‐Long live Queen Cookie.
[instrumental music]
Mail call, cousin.
Oh, anything for me?
Just this, uh, winter catalogue from Digby’s Fine Apparel.
"Clothing the little man since 1954."
Let me have that.
You know, I think you’d look adorable
in that little sailor suit on the cover.
It’s just...
Oh, cousin, look, I got a letter from mama.
Oh, well, what she have to say?
Well...let’s see here.
She says that, uh, ever since
Queen Cookie has been ruling Mypos
it’s just nothing but party, party, party
and the, uh, the fun began with the Queen’s coronation
tractor pull and demolition derby.
Well, that sounds very entertaining.
Oh, cousin, look.
She send pictures of, of
King Ferdinand’s send‐off.
‐Y‐y‐you mean his, uh, funeral. ‐No, no, I‐I mean his send‐off.
See there’s a picture of them strapping him to the catapult.
Well, don’t‐don’t they bury him in the ground or‐or at sea?
Well, that all depends on where he lands.
See there’s a...there’s a picture of the launch.
Excellent hang time.
He had really quite good form.
‐Mm‐hmm. ‐For...for a dead man.
‐Uh, yeah. ‐Mm‐hmm.
[theme music]
[music continues]