(male narrator) Last on "Perfect Strangers..."
♪ ...yankee Dood‐lee dandy ♪
♪ Yankee Dood‐lee do or die ♪
I passed my citizenship test.
[cheering]
See, I arranged to have Balki’s mother
flown over from Mypos so she could witness
Balki being sworn in as a US citizen.
Balki, Balki.
‐My Balki! Balki... ‐Mama!
Oh, my mama, mama!
[speaking in Myposian]
She thought she was coming over here
to see me get my driver’s license?
Either I go back to Mypos with her or...
...I am no longer her son.
Well, I guess this is...
...goodbye.
[instrumental music]
I should never have let him go in the first place.
I’m going to Mypos.
[theme song]
♪ Sometimes the world looks perfect ♪
♪ Nothing to rearrange ♪
♪ Sometimes you just get a feeling ♪
♪ Like you need some kind of change ♪
♪ No matter what the odds are this time ♪
♪ Nothing’s going to stand in my way ♪
♪ This flame in my heart ♪
♪ Like a long lost friend ♪
♪ Gives every dark street a light at the end ♪
♪ Standing tall ♪
♪ On the wings of my dream ♪
♪ Rise and fall ♪
♪ On the wings of my dream ♪
♪ The rain and thunder ♪
♪ The wind and haze ♪
♪ I’m bound for better days ♪
♪ It’s my life and my dream ♪
♪ Nothing’s going to stop me now ♪
[instrumental music]
[music continues]
[sheep bleating]
[indistinct chatter]
[music continues]
Hot doggies! Get them while they’re hot.
Hot doggies!
‐Hello, Balki. ‐Hi.
Hot...
Cousin Larry. Cousin Larry...
What are you doing here? I can’t believe it’s you.
I... I‐I must be dreaming.
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
You’re not dreaming. Stop pinching me!
[screams]
It is you!
Oh, cousin, cousin!
Cousin, I... I...
I mean, it’s, it’s unbelievable. I...
What are you doing here?
Balki, I came to try one more time
to talk mama into letting you come back to America.
Oh, cousin
you’re barking up a dead horse.
Balki, just let me talk to her.
Well, cousin, that’s a big no can do.
She’s on the other side of the island.
Well, let’s go get her.
Well, cousin, we can’t.
Her woman’s group is having
a consciousness raising seminar and chili cook‐off.
These things can be really intense.
She’ll be back in a week
more in touch with herself and reeking of onions.
No problem, I’ll wait.
I took two weeks vacation.
Cousin.
Well, cousin, cousin, eh, pull up a stool
pull up a stool and take a load off.
[bell ringing]
What’s goin’ on?
Nap time.
What, for the whole island?
Well, yeah, except for me.
I’m so excited I‐I‐I haven’t
been able to sleep since you got here.
So, Balki, how are things goin’ for ya here?
Great! Really great!
Yeah, um...
Uh, they, they had
a big welcome home parade for me
and I’ve been invited to appear on a local talk show
"Livestock of the Rich and Famous."
I would’ve thought you would have been
a little homesick...
...you know, because of all you left behind.
Uh, your job
your friends
Mary Anne
the coin‐operated horse outside the Shop ’n Save.
I do miss Blue Thunder.
Cousin, you can read me like a book on tape.
I am homesick. I...
I... Things are not the same for me here.
You know, there’s no urban sprawl
no lines at the movies
no, no unsightly graffiti.
I miss America.
Well, we miss you too.
And so that’s why, no matter what it takes
I’m gonna take you back.
But, cousin, you know, I don’t think you’re going to be able
to convince mama into letting me go.
Once she gets her mind set on something
you know, she’s, she’s very pig‐headed.
Well, you let me worry about mama.
Well, okay, cousin.
Listen, until she comes back
you’ll be staying with me at mama’s place.
Um... I think you’re gonna like it.
It’s got central air and detached chicken coop.
[instrumental music]
[whistling]
[squawk]
Marge, Cousin Larry might want an omelet too.
[Marge squawking]
[whistling]
[chickens squawking]
Cousin, where have you been?
I got up before dawn this morning
sat on the hill overlooking the village.
You know what I saw?
The village?
Well, yeah, that.
But I, I also saw something
truly remarkable.
I saw Mypiots on their way to work.
They were happy
smiling, saying "Hello" to each other.
Well, th‐they seemed to actually enjoy...
...just being alive.
Mmm.
It was a totally stress‐free environment
there was no rat race.
Well, of course not. Don’t be ridiculous.
The rat races are only on Sunday.
We’ve got the, uh
schedule stuck to the egg dispenser.
Balki, here, look at this.
I picked it myself.
Well, isn’t that something?
You can’t do that in Chicago.
[chuckles] Life here is good.
[crunching]
What’s wrong with this apple?
It’s a sour turnip, only horses eat those.
And a perfectly wonderful sour turnip it is.
Toss it in here, we’ll make an omelet.
You know, Balki...
...I’m startin’ to feel at home here.
Yeah, and, and I think the villagers like me too.
All morning they’ve been calling out my name
wherever I go.
"Larry, Larry! Larry, Larry!"
Cousin, I hate to burst your bubble
but "Larri larri" is a Myposian phrase.
It means "Sheep crossing, watch where you step."
Well, that’s right neighborly of them.
You know, Balki
watching these happy
stress‐free
smiling villagers
well, it made me realize that...
...well, I wanna be one of ’em.
You know, Balki, I’ve made a decision.
I am going to stay on Mypos.
Well, cousin, you’re welcome to stay as long as you like.
By the way, you’re drinking from the goat’s water bowl.
[indistinct]
No, no, Balki, you‐you you don’t understand.
See, see.
I belong on Mypos.
I want to live here forever.
I’m gonna call Mr. Wainwright, quit my job
tell him what I really think of him.
Now, cousin, that’s going a little far.
Then I’m gonna call Jennifer, tell her to sell
everything we own and get over here.
Speed bump, slow down.
I’m gonna give away my Maalox
have all my sport coats made into vests.
Now, cousin, that is just...
Actually the vest idea, there‐there’s something to that.
But you know, cousin, this is
the dirt is always browner syndrome.
I went through the same thing myself.
Remember when we went to Six Flags for the first time
and I wanted to live on the log ride?
I came back in a week.
No, no, Balki, this is the real thing.
Now, cousin, come on, you’re not serious.
Look, I’ll, I’ll show you how serious I am.
See this? My return ticket to Chicago...
Cousin, you are going to be sorry
you did that in about a week.
However, for the present
I think I can stick this back together for you.
Balki, do what you want
but I am here to stay.
[instrumental music]
[chickens squawking]
Did you get it?
Yeah, Niko says
this would take the stains right out.
Oh.
[sighs]
He also said you’re fired.
Fired?
Niko says I was fired? Why?
I‐I was one of the best grape crushers he had.
He said you drank too much of the wine.
Cousin, is that true?
No, I didn’t drink any of the wine.
I fell in the vat. I was drowning!
Well, that doesn’t get the hair out of the burgundy, does it?
Oh, this is great.
Niko says I’m not good enough to step on grapes.
I rub my hands raw trying to be a butter churner
but Dario says my butter isn’t spreadable.
I get thrown out of my, my sheepherding class
because a wolf ate my training flock.
Who’d have thought there’d actually be
a wolf in sheep’s clothing?
Cousin, maybe
nine blisters
two purple feet, and fourteen dead sheep
are a sign that you really belong in Chicago.
Well...
...Balki, maybe you’re right.
I mean, who am I kidding?
I’m going back to Chicago.
You, you belong in Chicago.
Well, you know something?
So do you!
I would love to go back to Chicago
but this is a conversation you have to have with mama.
When you say to me, you know
it just really bums me out.
Well, Balki...
...there’s got to be something...
...that we could say to change her mind.
Cousin, you don’t know mama.
When she gets an idea in her head
trying to get that idea out of her head
is like trying to teach an old frog new tricks.
Now, mama has decided that she wants me here
and that is that.
I‐I don’t know, cousin, how I can explain this to you.
[exhales]
Have a seat.
Balki, I came 5000 miles
to try to talk mama into letting you come back to America.
‐And that’s what I’m gonna do. ‐Well..
♪ She works hard for the money ♪
♪ So hard for the money ♪
Looks like you’re gonna get your chance.
♪ ...so you better treat her right ♪
[humming]
[chickens clucking]
Balki.
‐Balki, babiki! ‐Mama! Oh...
(Balki) ’Oh.’
That’s very nice.
Very nice.
‐Uh, welcome home, mama. ‐Thank you.
‐Mama, guess what? ‐What?
Cousin Larry has come to visit.
Huh, yeah, right.
Hello, mama.
Mama, we have to talk.
Balki, go ludiki bang bong poki noki waka yahoo.
Mama, mama, uh
I want to stayiki.
Go ludiki bang bong poki noki waka yahoo.
Why no stayiki?
[screaming] Because I’m the mama, and I said so!
Cousin, if she gets you in a headlock
just yell, I’ll be right outside.
Cousin Larry.
Hello, mama.
Hello, hello, yes, yes.
Yes, I, uh...
‐We eat, we eat. ‐Oh, no, I‐I don’t...
‐Oh, yes. Yup. ‐No...
Mama, no, I...
No, mama, I really don’t..
No, I’m not, I’m not hungry. I...
No, no, Mama...
Nothing. Mama, we...
We have to talk.
‐Cousin Larry, sit down. ‐Oh!
And take a load off.
‐Oh, no, no, mama... ‐Very nice. Very nice.
Mmm, this is a new dish...
[mumbling]
...and I want your take on it.
[coughs]
Oh! Oh, no! No, no, Cousin Larry!
[coughing]
[speaking in Myposian]
‐Better? ‐Mm, oh, yeah.
Yak juice.
[coughs]
Cousin Larry, Cousin Larry...
‐Yes, yes, yes. ‐Oh, no, mama. No, no.
‐That’s enough. That’s enough. ‐Just a little bit.
Mama, no, mama.
Mama, we’ll, we’ll eat later.
‐Yes. Okay. ‐Al‐alright? Mama.
‐Yes. ‐Mama?
Yes.
We have to talk.
Yi‐yi‐yi‐yi‐yiy!
Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
Sorry!
Oh! Oh!
[indistinct chatter]
Alright. No, here take this. Take this.
Careful. Alright, alright.
[grunting]
(Mama) Oh, no.
Alright, okay, mama! Okay, here.
Let me, let me help you up.
Let me help you up, mama. Let me help you.
Oh, alright. Alright. Here, hang on! Hang on.
‐Hang on, mama. Hang on. ‐Oh!
Alright, here we go. Here we go.
‐Here we go. Here we go. ‐Oh, yes.
What happened to your feet? They’re funny color.
There. Are you okay? Are you okay, mama? Are you alright now?
‐Oh, yi‐yiyi‐yiyi‐yi! Ooh! Ooh! ‐Ow! Ow! Ow!
Oh! Ooh!
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.
‐Sit down, mama. ‐Ow!
‐Here we go. ‐Oh!
‐Yeah. ‐Ooh!
Why have you come to Mypos?
You come to take Balki back to America?
Well...
...yes, mama.
I, I was hoping to talk you into letting him go back.
‐ Convincikaki? ‐Yes. Go back, go back.
Balki’s whole life is in America.
Yes.
‐His job is there. ‐Job, yes.
His‐his friends who‐who miss him.
Friends, yes.
His girlfriend who‐who loves him.
‐Skinny Minny? ‐Skinny Minny, mama.
Yes.
Feed her, Cousin Larry.
‐I will, mama. I will. ‐Please.
Such a tiny little thing.
Mama, Balki loves you very much.
Yes. Yes. Yes.
But if you really want Balki to be happy...
Yes.
...you’re gonna have to let him go back to America.
[instrumental music]
You have come very far
and you have broken my foot.
You... You must love Balki very much.
‐Yes, I do, mama. ‐You do.
And‐and so do all of his friends in America.
Balki, many, many friends in America?
Yes. Yes, mama.
And is very much love
in America?
‐Yes, mama. ‐Okay.
[music continues]
Balki, go, go back to America.
And then, then Balki happy
and, and, and mama happy.
And I will be happy.
And then...
Then, then we all will be so happy
we do the Dance of Joy.
♪ Dai dai dai dai ♪
♪ Da‐dai da da da da ♪
♪ Hey hey hey hey ♪
♪ Hey hey hey ♪
Either I’m going back to America
or, or there’s a mouse in the hut.
Balki...
Balki, go home.
Go back to America.
‐Mama! Oh! ‐Yes.
Babiki, yes, very, very nice.
Thank you, mama.
No problem.
Mama, you can come to America to live with us if you want.
‐No. ‐Well... I saw that.
No, mama belongs in Mypos, you know.
[instrumental music]
Babiki, yes.
(Mama) Very, very nice.
He’ll be in in a minute.
He’s never run up the sidewalk as an American citizen before.
This is the first time...
[doorbell rings]
...I’ve rung the doorbell as an American citizen.
You looked so cute when you were being sworn in.
We’re very proud of you, Balki.
Congratulations, Balki. We’re glad you’re here to stay.
This is the first time I’ve flung myself on the couch
as an American citizen.
And you know, you know
what was the most amazing thing?
What’s that?
The exact moment that I was sworn in
and I became an American citizen
I completely lost my accent.
We’ll tell him in the morning.
And this is the first time that I’ve hugged
all of three of my very best friends
in the whole world all at the same time
as an American citizen.
Mmm.
[theme music]
[music continues]