[theme music]
♪ Sometimes the world looks perfect ♪
♪ Nothing to rearrange ♪
♪ Sometimes you just get a feeling ♪
♪ Like you need some kind of change ♪
♪ No matter what the odds are this time ♪
♪ Nothing’s going to stand in my way ♪
♪ This flame in my heart ♪
♪ And a long lost friend ♪
♪ Gives every dark street a light at the end ♪
♪ Standing tall ♪
♪ On the wings of my dream ♪
♪ Rise and fall ♪
♪ On the wings of my dream ♪
♪ The rain and thunder ♪
♪ The wind and haze ♪
♪ I’m bound for better days ♪
♪ It’s my life my dream ♪
♪ Nothing’s going to stop me now ♪
[theme music]
[upbeat music]
Hi!
I’ve got everything we’ll need for Thanksgiving...
...dinner.
I’ve got everything we need for Thanksgiving dinner.
Thanksgiving dinner is as good as cooked.
Pass the word, I’ve got the bird.
Oh, I guess it is true, what they say
Birds with no feathers do flock together.
May I ask why?
Well, I assumed that I would cook dinner this year.
It’s my first Thanksgiving as Larry’s wife.
And I want it to be special.
I’ve made Thanksgiving dinner every single year
since I come to America, so, so I just assumed that, that
I would, I would make it again.
Well, that, that’s okay.
How about, how about I’ll take Thanksgiving
and you take Christmas and Mud Day?
Balki, we don’t celebrate Mud Day in this country.
Well, it’s just as well. You’d only commercialize it.
Wait a minute, I wanted to cook Thanksgiving dinner
so I could prove to a certain someone
what a wonderful wife I would make.
Oh, Mary Anne, that is great.
You invited someone?
You are not gonna believe what I just did.
You forgot we moved and you went back to the old apartment again?
Yeah, I did.
But before that, I was out at McGregor’s Farm
and, and I was writing a turkey story‐‐
Now, cousin, cousin, cousin, you are too hard on yourself.
Now, Mr. Wainwright occasionally calls your writing mediocre
but he has never come out
and called one of your articles a turkey.
Well, except for that one time but you weren’t even in the room
so, as far as I’m concerned, it never happened.
I mean, I was writing a story about turkeys
for tomorrow’s Thanksgiving edition.
Well, in that case, never mind.
Well, anyway, while I was interviewing Mr. McGregor
he told me he was retiring
and I could take as many turkeys as I wanted for half price.
So, having a keen eye for a quick profit, I took ’em all.
How many is all?
Fifty‐eight.
Fifty‐eight turkeys?
They’re being unloaded in the back yard right now.
[gasps]
Oh, cousin, this is wonderful.
The most pets I ever had before was seventeen.
No, no, these are not pets.
They’re an investment.
Well, if they’re infested
we cannot let them up on the furniture.
Investment. Investment.
Larry, tomorrow is Thanksgiving.
How are you gonna get rid of all these birds?
And get your, I mean our money back?
Very simple, I have...
‐Oh, God! ‐Oh, God!
A plan!
[turkeys clucking]
Attention last minute shoppers
get your fresh turkeys.
Get ’em while they’re breathin’. Get ’em while they’re gobblin’.
Whack ’em and sack ’em.
Whack ’em and sack ’em?
Larry, that’s disgusting.
If you think that’s disgusting you don’t even wanna know
what they do to eggplant on Mud Day.
I’m following Balki’s recipe for stuffing
and it calls for one pinch of GP.
‐What does GP stand for? ‐Probably ground pepper.
I’d better ask Balki.
‐Balki? ‐’Yeah?’
‐What does GP stand for? ‐Goat pancreas.
’But I think I used the last of it on my breakfast cereal.’
Where am I gonna get goat pancreas now?
(Larry) ’Shut the door! Shut the door!’
Oh, hello turkeys.
Unlock the door! Unlock the door!
Well, I wish you make up your mind.
Come on, come on.
Balki! Balki, get ’em out. Get ’em out.
Get ’em outta here. Come on.
Get ’em out. Get ’em out.
Come here, come here, come here.
I got it, I got it, I got it.
Okay, okay. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.
I got it. Alright, we’re leaving. We’re leaving.
Take these, take these turkeys outta here.
And stop trying to put those little pilgrim hats on ’em.
Well, excuse me for getting into the spirit of the holiday.
How about, how about just them little buckles on their shoes?
No.
How about just little lace bibs?
No. Get out, get outta here. Take ’em out.
Where’s my ring? I, I had it right here.
It’s gone. I’ve lost my diamond ring.
Well, well, don’t worry, Jen.
We, we’ll find it.
Are, are you sure it was on the counter?
Yes, Larry, I’m sure.
Every time I cook I take off my diamond ring
and I put it by the salt and pepper shakers.
Salt, pepper, diamond. Salt, pepper, diamond.
Only now it’s salt, pepper, nothing.
No one’s been in here but us and the turkeys.
Larry, if one of your stupid birds ate my ring
you’ll be the one who gets whacked and sacked.
[beeping]
Well, I’m exhausted. We’ve been doing this all night.
What a lousy Thanksgiving this is turning out to be.
Cousin, shhh. She’ll hear you.
Balki, I don’t believe this.
We’ve checked every turkey three times.
There’s no metal in any of them.
Well, maybe the turkey that took it didn’t swallow it.
What do you mean "He didn’t swallow it?"
Well, maybe he hid it.
He hid it?
Well, cousin, eh, it’s a well‐known fact that
turkeys are the practical jokers of the farmyard.
And when you consider how gullible the cows are
and the fact that chickens have
absolutely no sense of humor, whatsoever
well, you can imagine how kooky things can get.
If any of you find a ring out there
there’s extra corn in it for you.
Balki, one of the turkeys had to swallow it.
It’s the only thing that makes sense.
Alright, now, Jennifer set the ring down on the counter. Right?
Right.
Mary Anne opened the door, the turkeys came in. Right?
Right.
And you took the turkeys back outside and the ring was gone.
‐Right? ‐Right.
And we haven’t sold any turkeys. Right?
This is where you are supposed to say "Right." Right?
I’m sorry, I, I wasn’t paying attention.
Did you ask me a question?
Turkeys.
We haven’t sold any turkeys. Right?
Mmm, more or less.
What do you mean "More or less?"
Let me ask you a question.
Have, have you ever been in a situation
where you were given a job to do
and you did that job well
but um...you
you later found out that the job you did well
was the wrong thing to do even though you thought
it was the right thing to do at the time
that you were doing that good job.
What?
Have you ever been in a situation where
where you were given‐‐
Balki! What are you talking about?
‐Oh, no, no! ‐What are you talking about?
‐Don’t hurt me. ‐I’m not gonna hurt ya.
‐You’re not gonna hurt me? ‐I’m not gonna...
No, I’m not gonna hurt you. No, of course.
‐No, no. ‐I’m not gonna hurt ya.
Come on. Come on.
Come on, you’re talkin’ to Cousin Larry here.
Yeah, I know .
You can talk to Cousin Larry, huh?
Just tell Cousin Larry what you did.
Cousin Larry is nice to me.
Yes. Yes, he is. Yes, he is.
He’s, he’s just a nice guy.
Oh, he sure is.
He’s a nice guy so just tell Cousin Larry what you did.
I sold one of the turkeys to the Johnsons.
You what?
[screaming]
Why would you do that?
Well, it kind of made sense at the time.
I mean, it was the day before Thanksgiving.
And, and we had dozens of turkeys out in the backyard
and a sign in the front yard that said "Turkeys for Sale"
I guess, I just wasn’t thinking.
Balki, we have got to get that turkey back from the Johnsons.
No problem. I know what to do.
[clucking]
Wowww!
What was that?
That’s the sound turkeys make when they wanna get...
...r‐romantic.
And it brings them running every time.
I think we’re gonna see that turkey
I sold to the Johnsons any second.
As I recall, not an unattractive bird.
No.
By now the Johnsons’ turkey is cooked.
We’re gonna have to switch cooked turkeys.
Well, cousin, that’s not all we’re gonna have to do.
We’re gonna have to deal with
fifty seven romantic turkeys that are headed this way.
[clucking]
[instrumental music]
Alright, alright. Now, remember, let me do all the talking.
Cousin, I still think we’re better off telling the truth.
What am I supposed to say to her?
Excuse me, Mrs. Johnson but your turkey swallowed
a very expensive diamond and I would just like the opportunity
to rummage through the bird in the hopes of retrieving it?
I’d believe it.
Well, I have something else in mind.
Something a little more believable.
I am going to tell her that you made a tiny error
and sold them a poisoned turkey
that could kill their entire family.
Then we’ll exchange our bird for their bird and be on our way.
It’s a whole lot simpler than telling them the truth.
Alright, ready? Here we go.
Cousin, you know, I, I think it’s, I think it’s too late
to, to do your plan, they’re already having dinner.
Well, if they’re already eating the poison thing won’t work.
Alright, I’ll have to think of something else.
Ju‐just don’t let them see you.
Hello, Mrs. Johnson!
Mrs. Johnson is coming to the door.
Well, get out of the window.
Mrs. Johnson likes me.
Hello, Balki.
‐Hello, Mrs. Johnson. ‐Oh!
‐Happy Thanksgiving! ‐Yes.
What can I do for you?
Uh, yeah, Mrs. Johnson, we’re here, uh, because
uh, because we are a full service turkey organization.
And, and, and, and, uh, so, we’re, we’re
we’re here to serve your bird.
We sell ’em, we slice ’em, we serve ’em.
That’s, that’s very sweet.
Uh, but we already have everything on the table.
Whoa, ho, ho, ho. What about seconds?
What about side dishes? What about beverages?
What about desserts?
What about driver’s side air bags?
Just stop it. Let me do the talking.
Thank you very much.
Mrs. Johnson, we’re here to make sure that this is
the best darn Thanksgiving the Johnsons ever had.
Come on, Balki. We’ve got a meal to serve.
Believe me, nobody can dish it out like Cousin Larry.
Hello! Hello!
Don’t stand up. Don’t stand up.
Have you done something different in here?
I wouldn’t know, I’ve never been in here.
Marion, what’s the foreign boy from down the street doing here?
Well, I’m not really sure.
Um, Larry and Balki, this is my husband, Howard.
‐Hi! ‐And this is our son, Richie.
Our daughter, Joanie and Grandpa Johnson.
Well, it’s a pleasure meeting you all.
Why don’t you just sit down and, uh
enjoy your Thanksgiving dinner?
We’re here just to make your meal a little more enjoyable.
Why?
Well, Howard, Thanksgiving has always been a, a special time
at the Appleton home and, uh, I just thought
I’d like to share that special feeling this year
with a few close friends.
What’s the Appleton home?
Well...it’s my home. And I’m Larry Appleton.
And I’m Balki Bartokomous.
Oh, Mrs., um, Mrs. Johnson, your stuffing looks delicious.
Do you use chestnuts or walnuts?
Me, I use a handful of beer nuts.
Uh, Balki!
Why, why don’t we all just, uh
bow our heads for grace?
Howard, would you do the honors?
I’ve, I’ve already said grace.
Oh, ha, yeah. And I missed it.
And you know, it just doesn’t feel like Thanksgiving
with‐without, uh, hearing grace.
Uh, Howard, just say grace and, and maybe they’ll go away.
Let us bow our heads.
Dear Lord, we thank you for the food we are about to eat.
For the good fortune our family’s been blessed with.
‐’We come together...’ ‐Alright, now...
If the turkey swallowed the...
(Mr. Howard) ’...things easily taken for granted’
’which we also give thanks to...’
Alright, now listen, if the turkey swallowed the ring
it would be in the gizzard.
Now the gizzard is either in the stuffing or in the gravy.
You check the stuffing and the gravy. I’ll check the turkey.
...today and always, amen!
(all) Amen!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
I think we all have a little more
to be grateful for than that.
Huh?
Y‐you know, I, I would like to say a few words
so if we could just bow our heads again.
‐I’m hungry. ‐Me, too.
And so are children all over the world
but they have no food to eat.
Which is why we have so much to be thankful for.
So could we just bow our heads
and reflect on the true meaning of this day?
Thanksgiving.
The stuffing. Check the stuffing.
The stuffing. Shut up!
Thanksgiving!
Thanks and giving.
What do these two words mean?
I know! I know!
Heads down! Heads down! Nobody said anything.
Cousin, I know, I know what they...
Shut up! Shut up!
Giving, giving...
The gravy, the gravy.
Giving, the‐the act of
imparting or bestowing.
That’s what I was gonna say.
Shut up!
Now, putting these two words
back together...
...we have, we have Thanksgiving.
The, the bestowal of gratitude.
Balki! Help me! Help me!
And‐and looking around I see that we
we have so much to be grateful for.
Eyes down, missy.
Just the, just the facts of...
[mumbling]
Just the fact of, of being together
is, is something to be grateful for.
Have you finished yet? I...
Oh! Oh, Howard!
Am I taking too long
to express gratitude to our Creator?
Hmm?
I mean, you know, I could just say that
Howard didn’t want to take the time
to thank the man upstairs.
Heads down! Heads down!
Thanksgiving...
Get it off me! Get it off me!
Thanksgiving, being grateful, grateful
for the air we breathe
for the few merciless...
I’m throwing them out.
Maybe we should do what they say.
I, I think they’re crazy.
[indistinct shouting]
Thankful to those for giving...
Cousin! Cousin, go deep.
Grandpa’s choking on the ring.
Grandpa! Grandpa!
Let’s get those arms up! Arms up! Arms up!
[squealing]
Come on.
Come on, you old geezer. Cough up the ring.
[groaning]
I’m not choking! I’m not choking!
Leave my father alone and get the hell out of here!
[indistinct shouting]
[instrumental music]
You’re welcome. And Happy Thanksgiving.
Larry, it was very nice of you
to donate those turkeys to the homeless shelter.
Well, I like to do what I can
for the less fortunate during the holiday season.
Cousin Larry’s exact words were
"As long as I’m stuck with all these turkeys
I may as well at least get a tax deduction out of it."
I, I think it would be nice if we all just
uh, took a moment and, uh
gave thanks for all that we have.
Oh, well, um, I’m thankful for two of the best friends
anyone could ever hope for.
And I’m thankful to the most understanding husband
in the world who didn’t get angry with me
when I found my diamond ring in my jewelry box.
I’m thankful that we have the opportunity
to share Thanksgiving together.
Well, uh, I don’t know where to begin.
Uh...this has been the most wonderful year of my life.
And I have a lot to be grateful for.
I’m married to the most wonderful woman in the world
and I’m thankful for our lovely home.
And the two dear friends who share it with us.
I’m very thankful that I’m out of the turkey selling business.
Although I know with a, a little time
and a lot more support
I could’ve made a go of it.
I have a lot to be thankful for.
I’m celebrating my first truly American holiday
as an American citizen, and, um...
I want to thank Mary Anne
Cousin Jennifer
and Cousin Larry
for all of their love and support.
And uh... I want to thank the Johnsons
for not calling the police
even though Grandpa Johnson wanted to press charges.
Let’s eat.
Now, who had the Salisbury steak.
I did.
And the cheese enchilada? Yeah, over there.
I’ve got the lasagna.
Cousin, a hungry man for you.
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