[theme song]
♪ Sometimes the world looks perfect ♪
♪ Nothing to rearrange ♪
♪ Sometimes you just get a feeling ♪
♪ Like you need some kind of change ♪
♪ No matter what the odds are this time ♪
♪ Nothing’s gonna stand in my way ♪
♪ This flame in my heart ♪
♪ Like a long lost friend ♪
♪ Gives every dark street a light at the end ♪
♪ Standing tall ♪
♪ On the wings of my dream ♪
♪ Rise and fall ♪
♪ On the wings of my dream ♪
♪ The rain and thunder ♪
♪ The wind and haze ♪
♪ I’m bound for better days ♪
♪ It’s my life and my dream ♪
♪ Nothing’s gonna stop me now ♪
[theme music]
‐Good morning, everybody! ‐Cousin, cousin, cousin...
Y‐you want some breakfast?
Oh, no, no time!
No time?
You’ll have plenty of time
when you’re in the hospital for malnutrition.
‐Eat this. ‐Okay, okay, save it for me.
‐Okay. ‐Alright.
Come on. We gotta get going.
We’re taking a long way to work.
Larry, ever since you bought that new car stereo
you always take the long way to work.
Well, when you’ve spent as much as I have
on a state‐of‐the‐art vehicular sound system
you wanna get your money’s worth.
Larry, just exactly how much did that state‐of‐the‐art
vehicular sound system cost?
Whoa, Balky, look at the time.
Now if we’re gonna hear the extended version of
"Bridge Over Troubled Water" we gotta get movin’.
Bye‐bye, goodbye. Goodbye, sweetie.
‐Come on, Balki. ‐Okay, okay.
I’m coming. Just a second. I have to grab my lunch.
I...I love lunch on Wednesdays.
Peanut butter and jellyfish.
Goodbye, my little lamb chop.
Oh‐oh!
Wow!
That’s just an example of what’s in store
for my future husband.
Well, he’s gonna be one lucky guy.
You are not gonna believe this.
My new car radio has been stolen.
I don’t believe it.
That’s the second time in the last two weeks.
(Mary Anne) ’That’s terrible.’
I can’t believe the "Beware of Dog" sign
I put on the windshield didn’t scare them away.
Well, I am taking action.
A man has got to protect his belongings.
That I am not gonna rest until
the person responsible for this is behind bars.
Maybe you should get a car alarm.
Why does he need a car alarm if he don’t have a radio?
[instrumental music]
[car alarm buzzing]
[panting]
[car alarm buzzing]
Did the alarm wake you up too?
Yes, it did, just like the last 17 times
in the past two days.
Well, it didn’t wake me up.
Fortunately after the last time it went off
I never went back to sleep, so I painted my room.
The alarm goes off one more time
I should have that guest bathroom done.
I was thinking about painting my room.
Do you have any suggestions?
Well...
I’ve got, uh...
...pastels...
’...earth tones...’
[panting] It was a false alarm.
Of course it was a false alarm.
It’s always a false alarm.
You have that alarm set at such a sensitive level
dew sets it off!
Larry, we need sleep.
Maybe you could just turn off the alarm
for the rest of the night.
Turn it off? Jennifer, that would defeat the whole purpose.
Alright, I admit it’s changed our routine a little bit.
A little bit?
Larry, it’s three o’clock in the morning
and you’re standing in the kitchen with a baseball bat!
How about baby bottom pink?
Oh!
Jennifer, it’s been two days
and no one has stolen my car radio.
You can’t argue with results.
And you can’t argue with a hungry pig.
Larry, we have to do something.
Cousin. Cousin?
Why don’t we join the neighborhood watch
and take a bite out of crime?
Oh sure, join the neighborhood watch
and tell e‐everyone in the neighborhood our business?
Why don’t we just put a sign on the car that says
"New car radio inside, come and get it?"
It sounds good the way you say it, but...
...I don’t think it would work in practice.
No, Balki, the thief is someone in the neighborhood.
Someone who knows my schedule.
Someone who knows when I come and go.
Someone who knows I bought a new car radio.
It must have been me.
It’s the only thing that makes sense.
I’m a thief and an amnesiac!
Balki, it wasn’t you.
‐Yes, it was! ‐No, it wasn’t you.
Take my word for it, it wasn’t you.
‐Really? ‐Yes.
Oh, cousin, thank you for turning my life around.
I think it was that Mr. Finley.
He hates me!
Once, just once...
...I went out to get the newspaper in my underwear
the man called the police.
I’m going to bed, you can sleep down here
so you can be close to your car alarm.
Umm...
Actually, uh...
I was the one that called the police, um...
The way the streetlight made your skin glow, I...
I thought you were an alien.
You know, Larry, I think you’re right about the Finleys.
Why do they make their little boy stand out in the yard
all day in his good suit?
That’s a lawn jockey.
Oh!
[car alarm buzzing]
There it goes again.
Maybe I do have it set at too sensitive a level.
I’ll go reset it.
You know, I’ll never understand why people
take something that isn’t theirs.
Don’t you have burglars on Mypos?
Well, uh, we do have a tiny group of stealers and liars.
They, uh, they go out and steal things and then lie about it.
We call them "The Stealers and Liars."
Or for short, "The S and L gang."
Want to come upstairs and watch me spackle?
It wasn’t a false alarm.
My new car radio has been stolen, again!
This means war!
Ah!
[instrumental music]
Alright, let’s review the plan.
Now, we will get in the trunk
leaving the lid slightly ajar
and wait for the thief, who we all know
is that lowlife Mr. Finley.
‐Cousin, let it go. ‐Alright, alright.
‐Let it go. ‐Now...
When he opens the door that’s when we spring into action.
I will freeze him in his tracks with the bullhorn.
Alright, freeze! You’re under arrest.
Then you jump out of the trunk with the rope, tie him up.
I’ll call the police. Any questions?
Yeah, can I be the one to hold the bullhorn?
‐No! ‐Yeah, Cousin.
‐Why not? ‐Because it’s mine.
‐Cousin, cousin. ‐Now, come on.
We’ll get into position. We’re gonna get‐‐
Just let me hold it for one second.
Just let me put my hand around, then push the button.
‐I want to push the button. ‐We’re getting into the trun k.
‐I wanna push that button. ‐No, get, get away from me.
Get in the trunk, get in the trunk, get in the trunk!
Gee...
I hope no one steals my brand new
very expensive car radio!
Especially while we are in the trunk.
Will you shut up?
What is the matter with you?
Now, help me in. Just help me in. Here, take this.
‐Hold it. ‐Listen, let me help you.
‐Alright. ‐Let me help you.
I am holding the bullhorn!
Will you stop it? Just stop it!
Let me push the button. I’ll tell you what‐‐
Yes, sir, brand new car radio
right here, in this car.
I’ll be seeing it in the morning.
Till then, I’ll be asleep, in the house.
Not in the trunk.
Will you shut up?
‐What is the matter with you? ‐I’m sorry.
[panting]
Ah!
[grunting]
Cousin, correct me if I’m wrong
but I think this is the first time
you and I have ever been in this trunk at the same time.
Balki, why don’t, why don’t you just, uh, relax and...be quiet?
Oh‐ah!
You know, Balki, I don’t think you are
taking this seriously enough!
In fact, I think you might have to go back in the house.
‐No, cousin, come on, no. ‐Yes, I think you might have‐‐
‐Cousin, no, no, please! ‐You might have to‐‐
‐Please, please, please. ‐Right back in the house.
Please, let me stay in the trunk.
Alright, but you’ve been warned, mister.
[footsteps approaching]
Cousin. Cousin...
I hear something. It sounds like two people.
You’re right. You’re right.
Finley must have brought a friend.
Okay, alright, this is it. Get ready!
[footsteps approaching]
‐Balki. ‐Uh?
Did you just do what I think you did?
That depends on what you think I just did.
Did you just shut the trunk?
Well, of course, I did. Don’t be ridiculous.
These are criminals we’re dealing with.
We don’t want them to know we’re in here.
Balki, you have locked us in the trunk.
Cousin, I just had the most horrible thought.
We have to get out of here, before we run out of oxygen.
I, I saw this once on "Star Trek."
It wasn’t pretty!
The Klingons had taken control of the life‐support system
of the Enterprise and the crew were running out of oxygen.
And Captain Kirk said...
"Scotty...
You’ve got to get us out of here."
And Scotty said...
"Captain, I‐I can’t give you any more power.
"We’re out of dilithium crystals.
I need more time" and then...
...and then Bones said...
"Damn it, Jim, I’m a doctor, not a machine!"
Balki...let me tell you somethin’, okay?
Nothing uses up oxygen faster than talking.
So why don’t you shut up?
We are not gonna run out of oxygen.
‐Yeah, well‐‐ ‐The trunk is not air tight.
Now, we are just gonna sit here until they
steal the radio and leave.
And then we’re gonna call for help.
[car doors opening]
[car doors closing]
Alright, they’re in the car.
[engine cranking]
Oh, my Lord!
They are stealing the entire car.
Well, at least you won’t have that big, ugly hole
in the dashboard.
[trembling]
[dramatic music]
Alright, they drove for about ten minutes...
...then they slowed down, then they stopped.
I think they stopped at Bugsy’s Burgers.
I think you’re right, cousin.
That was definitely the smell of Bugsy’s French fries.
I think I have a pretty good idea where we are.
Well, so do I...
We’re in the trunk.
I mean...
I think I know where they’ve taken us.
[tires screeching]
Yeah, yeah, see!
That turn would put us on the Old Mill Road, sure.
Out in the middle of nowhere.
[engine revving]
Sure, I think they’re gonna strip the car
and abandon it in the woods.
[tires screeching]
You know what, cousin?
It’s bad enough they stole the car
but they haven’t used the turn signal once.
I guess crime poisons every part of you.
Now, look, we gotta figure out a way outta here.
See if you can find the jack.
‐What? ‐The jack, the jack.
Cousin, I...I’m pretty sure
we’re the only two people that got in this car.
I’ll, I’ll look for him if you want me to.
Jack!
I mean, see if you can find the tool
we use to prop up the car when we change the tire.
Oh, I got it.
Here you go.
Do, do you want me to stop looking for the man?
Yes, yes, alright, now!
I think I can use the jack
to pop the lid of the trunk.
Change places with me.
No!
I’m not gonna change places with you.
I like my place right here.
I got my, I got it all just the way I want it.
‐Change places with me. ‐No, I’m not gonna change‐‐
‐Oh! ‐Get out of the way!
[indistinct chatter]
‐Get out of the way! ‐No. Ow!
[panting]
Ow, ah!
Okay, I got it!
’Hey, cousin, you know what?’
I don’t think that’s such a hot idea.
Oh, you don’t think it’s such a hot idea?
‐No, I don’t. ‐Well.
Let me ask you something, Balki.
’What’s that?’
How many trunks have you opened from the inside?
‐Oh, don’t start it. ‐How many? How many...
Oh, cousin, please! Please, I can’t stand it!
...have you opened from the inside?
‐None. ‐None? As in zero.
As in never, ever have you opened a trunk from the inside?
‐That is correct. ‐Thank you.
Cousin, just curious. How many‐‐
Four! F‐four.
‐Cousin, you know what, I‐‐? ‐Balki, please.
‐I know what I’m doing. ‐Cousin yet‐‐
‐I know what I’m doing. ‐Let me just tell you‐‐
Let me just tell you something.
I was just going to say...
...that, that little machine was going to
poke through the top of the trunk.
Alright!
There’s gotta be something else in here that we can use
to, to pop open the lid.
Just look around.
’See if you can find something.’
[Larry panting]
‐Cousin? ‐Ah?
What’s in this box? No, don’t open the box.
[air gushing]
[screaming]
You...
You live with someone for five years.
And you think you know them.
Balki.
Then you spend a night in a car trunk with them.
Balki, this is not what you think.
It’s not an inflatable woman?
Oh, yes, it is.
Does the lady have a name?
I use this so I can drive in the carpool lane
when I’m driving alone.
[squealing]
They stopped.
Oh, yeah, we are out in the woods alright.
Balki, if they find us, we’re dead men.
‐Cousin. ‐Shh!
Cousin!
Aargh!
I’m so sorry.
Well, I hope you enjoyed that sneeze
because it just caused us our lives!
[car door opens]
Oh! Oh, no.
Oh, no, please. No, please. Don’t shoot.
No, no, no. Alright, kill him but spare me.
[indistinct chatter]
‐Hi. ‐Hi.
You almost scared us to death.
W‐why were you driving like criminals?
Why were you driving in the woods?
And why weren’t you using your turn signals?
Why are you in the trunk?
And who is your plastic friend?
‐She’s with him. ‐She’s with him.
[instrumental music]
Cousin.
Settle an argument.
Which Ninja Turtle is the most sensitive?
Donatello.
Hm. Told you.
Hi.
‐’Hi.’ ‐’Hi.’
Larry, this is for you.
Oh, wow, what’s the special occasion?
Well, no special occasion.
Just a little something that says "I love you."
Oh, what could be that small and talk?
A hamster, if he’s properly trained.
Oh.
Well, it’s a pull out car radio.
Oh, well, thank you. That’s great.
Thank you.
Actually, cousin, all of your ideas have been pull out radios.
It’s just that the wrong people were pulling them out.
Well, not anymore.
You know, Balki, you were right.
I should’ve just joined the neighborhood watch.
Well, funny you should mention that because
I took the liberty, I signed us all up.
Well, this would be a good night to turn in early, Larry.
We won’t be bothered by that pesky car alarm.
Oh.
Oh, oh.
Well‐well, uh, uh, a‐a‐another good idea.
Cousin, there’s only one thing wrong with that idea.
‐What’s that? ‐Well...
It’s our first night on the neighborhood watch
and we have been assigned to patrol.
And I’ve been assigned the bullhorn.
But I’ve been assigned the batteries.
[theme music]
[music continues]