1 00:00:01,537 --> 00:00:05,110 [opening theme music playing] 2 00:00:11,488 --> 00:00:14,194 ♪ Sometimes the world Looks perfect ♪ 3 00:00:15,196 --> 00:00:17,536 ♪ Nothing to rearrange ♪ 4 00:00:17,569 --> 00:00:21,544 ♪ Sometimes you get a feeling Like you need ♪ 5 00:00:21,577 --> 00:00:25,083 ♪ Some kind of change ♪ 6 00:00:25,116 --> 00:00:28,456 ♪ No matter what The odds are this time ♪ 7 00:00:28,489 --> 00:00:31,128 ♪ Nothing’s going to stand In my way ♪ 8 00:00:31,162 --> 00:00:34,502 ♪ This flame in my heart And a long lost friend ♪ 9 00:00:34,536 --> 00:00:39,580 ♪ Gives every dark street A light at the end ♪ 10 00:00:39,613 --> 00:00:46,325 ♪ Standing tall On the wings of my dream ♪ 11 00:00:46,358 --> 00:00:52,906 ♪ Rise and fall On the wings of my dream ♪ 12 00:00:52,939 --> 00:00:56,412 ♪ The rain and thunder The wind and haze ♪ 13 00:00:56,445 --> 00:01:03,259 ♪ I’m bound for better days It’s my life and my dream ♪ 14 00:01:03,292 --> 00:01:06,432 ♪ Nothing’s going to stop Me now ♪ 15 00:01:25,504 --> 00:01:28,342 Balki, I have great news! 16 00:01:29,613 --> 00:01:31,448 What is all this? 17 00:01:31,482 --> 00:01:33,954 Cousin, you know it’s mama’s soon. 18 00:01:33,988 --> 00:01:37,227 And I want to get her really special birthday present this year. 19 00:01:37,260 --> 00:01:39,264 So, I had to get a part‐time job. 20 00:01:39,298 --> 00:01:40,868 I’m a bear stuffer! 21 00:01:40,902 --> 00:01:42,872 [audience laughing] 22 00:01:42,906 --> 00:01:45,745 And this is my bear‐stuffing jamboree! 23 00:01:47,616 --> 00:01:49,920 ‐[sarcastically] That’s great. ‐Well, it’s better than great. 24 00:01:49,953 --> 00:01:53,628 It’s fun, it’s wacky and it’s not as easy as it looks. 25 00:01:53,661 --> 00:01:57,636 You have to pay attention every second. For instance, 26 00:01:57,669 --> 00:02:01,275 one of these bears has half of my Snickers bar in it. 27 00:02:01,308 --> 00:02:03,547 [audience laughing] 28 00:02:05,083 --> 00:02:07,822 ‐Balki! ‐Yes, yes, it’s hard work 29 00:02:07,856 --> 00:02:10,995 but it’s worth it knowing that I’m bringing joy to little children. 30 00:02:11,028 --> 00:02:14,301 All right, Balki, forget about bringing joy to little children. 31 00:02:14,334 --> 00:02:19,478 I have got us a part‐time job that is going to make us rich! 32 00:02:19,512 --> 00:02:24,088 This afternoon I interviewed L. Bob Frederick, 33 00:02:24,121 --> 00:02:28,698 President and CEO of Clean For Life. 34 00:02:28,731 --> 00:02:32,605 Get out of the city! I know who’s L. Bob Frederick. 35 00:02:32,638 --> 00:02:35,043 He was on the cover of Cheez Whiz magazine! 36 00:02:35,076 --> 00:02:36,412 [audience laughing] 37 00:02:36,445 --> 00:02:38,984 Not Cheez Whiz magazine, 38 00:02:39,953 --> 00:02:41,556 Biz Whiz magazine. 39 00:02:41,589 --> 00:02:43,728 [audience laughing] 40 00:02:43,761 --> 00:02:48,904 Balki, L. Bob Frederick told me that he finally found in me... 41 00:02:48,938 --> 00:02:53,146 A salesman who could sell their Clear For Life Home Hygiene System. 42 00:02:53,179 --> 00:02:54,649 You’re not gonna believe this stuff, Balki. 43 00:02:54,683 --> 00:02:57,087 This... is a miracle! 44 00:02:57,889 --> 00:02:58,991 [audience laughing] 45 00:03:01,697 --> 00:03:04,068 You guys are gonna have to stuff yourselves for a while. 46 00:03:04,101 --> 00:03:05,103 [audience laughing] 47 00:03:09,111 --> 00:03:13,754 Here it is. This stuff puts the lean in clean. 48 00:03:13,788 --> 00:03:16,425 It puts the spark in sparkle. 49 00:03:16,458 --> 00:03:18,630 Does it put the hiney in shiny? 50 00:03:18,663 --> 00:03:20,466 [audience laughing] 51 00:03:21,603 --> 00:03:22,872 Yes, it does. 52 00:03:26,814 --> 00:03:31,055 Cousin, this miracle looks an awful lot like a bottle of soap. 53 00:03:31,088 --> 00:03:32,490 [audience laughing] 54 00:03:32,525 --> 00:03:35,664 Balki, you have no vision. 55 00:03:35,697 --> 00:03:37,836 Well, I did have pink eye once but I... [audience laughing] 56 00:03:40,206 --> 00:03:42,711 I think it’s all cleared up 57 00:03:42,746 --> 00:03:47,487 Balki, when you look at this bottle of soap you see a bottle of soap. 58 00:03:47,521 --> 00:03:51,228 ‐That is correct. ‐When I look at this bottle of soap 59 00:03:51,262 --> 00:03:54,736 I see cars, yachts, beach houses! 60 00:03:57,240 --> 00:03:59,545 [audience laughing] 61 00:04:02,084 --> 00:04:05,223 I don’t see any of that. [audience laughing] 62 00:04:11,202 --> 00:04:14,542 Cousin, I see something. It’s getting bigger... 63 00:04:14,575 --> 00:04:18,282 And bigger... Cousin, it’s you! 64 00:04:18,316 --> 00:04:19,986 [audience laughing] 65 00:04:20,020 --> 00:04:27,100 Balki, this miracle product combined with this marvel of technology, the Omni‐Sweep, 66 00:04:27,134 --> 00:04:31,108 will revolutionize the way we think of dirt. 67 00:04:31,142 --> 00:04:35,952 You know, when I think of dirt I think of the floor in Mama’s kitchen, 68 00:04:35,985 --> 00:04:38,991 hard‐packed and you can eat an omelet off it. 69 00:04:39,024 --> 00:04:40,795 [audience laughing] 70 00:04:40,828 --> 00:04:42,698 But let’s get back to your incredible vision. 71 00:04:42,731 --> 00:04:46,038 Can you tell me which of those bears has my Snickers in it? 72 00:04:46,072 --> 00:04:48,009 [audience laughing] 73 00:04:48,042 --> 00:04:50,915 Balki, your bear‐stuffing days are over. 74 00:04:50,948 --> 00:04:54,054 I’m not gonna ride the Clean For Life gravy train without you. 75 00:04:54,088 --> 00:04:56,058 You mean we’re going to be partners? 76 00:04:56,092 --> 00:04:58,964 Well, sixty‐forty but partners, sure, 77 00:04:58,998 --> 00:05:02,204 ‐Oh Cousin, you are too kind. ‐You take the sixty. 78 00:05:02,237 --> 00:05:04,976 If it’ll make you happy. [audience laughing] 79 00:05:05,010 --> 00:05:06,646 [theme music playing] 80 00:05:12,190 --> 00:05:16,733 All right, now, before we start making huge sums of money 81 00:05:16,766 --> 00:05:19,672 we’ve got to go over the finer points of selling. 82 00:05:19,705 --> 00:05:21,275 Sure, Cousin, what would you like to know? 83 00:05:21,308 --> 00:05:24,782 [laughing] 84 00:05:24,815 --> 00:05:28,823 Balki, Balki, Balki... [audience laughing] 85 00:05:28,858 --> 00:05:34,134 I already know everything there is to know about selling. 86 00:05:34,168 --> 00:05:39,144 I stayed up all night reading the Clean For Life handbook, 87 00:05:39,178 --> 00:05:42,919 "Knock Knock, I’m There." [audience laughing] 88 00:05:46,325 --> 00:05:50,834 "A Guide to Door‐to‐Door Selling", by L. Bob Frederick. 89 00:05:52,771 --> 00:05:55,143 No, no, no, no, no, no, no. 90 00:05:55,176 --> 00:05:57,380 You are not ready for the book. 91 00:05:59,251 --> 00:06:01,890 I want to read the book. 92 00:06:01,924 --> 00:06:06,198 No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Balki, if it were up to me 93 00:06:06,232 --> 00:06:07,568 I would let you see the book, 94 00:06:07,601 --> 00:06:13,948 but L. Bob gave explicit instructions not to let you see the book. 95 00:06:13,981 --> 00:06:17,521 He said that it contains mind‐control information which, 96 00:06:17,555 --> 00:06:20,026 in the wrong hands, could be dangerous. 97 00:06:21,228 --> 00:06:22,397 [audience laughing] 98 00:06:22,430 --> 00:06:25,136 I will tell you everything you need to know about selling. 99 00:06:25,170 --> 00:06:30,380 Now, there are two basic rules to selling. 100 00:06:30,413 --> 00:06:35,390 Get your foot in the door and get the money, get the money, get the money. 101 00:06:35,423 --> 00:06:36,994 [audience laughing] 102 00:06:39,064 --> 00:06:41,202 Cousin, that seems to me to be four rules. 103 00:06:41,235 --> 00:06:44,208 However, I’m not allowed to read the book! 104 00:06:44,241 --> 00:06:48,316 [mocking] Oh no! Oh no, no, no! Oh no, no, no! 105 00:06:48,349 --> 00:06:51,322 Balki, you don’t need to read the book, 106 00:06:51,355 --> 00:06:54,562 L. Bob said that everything you need to know about selling 107 00:06:54,595 --> 00:06:58,537 is printed on this little card. 108 00:06:58,570 --> 00:07:02,511 L. Bob actually said that I was allowed to read the card? 109 00:07:02,545 --> 00:07:04,114 [audience laughing] 110 00:07:04,148 --> 00:07:08,156 ‐Yes, he did. ‐Did... Did he actually use my name? 111 00:07:08,189 --> 00:07:11,964 Yes, he said, Balki should read this card. 112 00:07:13,199 --> 00:07:14,434 [audience laughing] 113 00:07:14,468 --> 00:07:18,442 Now, I think it would be helpful if we did a little practice run. 114 00:07:26,225 --> 00:07:27,561 Good. [chuckles] 115 00:07:27,595 --> 00:07:29,364 [audience laughing] 116 00:07:29,398 --> 00:07:33,006 Now, you pretend to be the salesman. 117 00:07:33,039 --> 00:07:35,376 I will pretend to be the customer. 118 00:07:35,410 --> 00:07:38,984 Cousin, when you were talking to L. Bob, how did my name come up? 119 00:07:39,018 --> 00:07:40,286 I mean... 120 00:07:40,320 --> 00:07:42,424 ‐Get outside. ‐Okay. 121 00:07:42,457 --> 00:07:44,094 Here’s the card. 122 00:07:53,513 --> 00:07:56,152 Balki. [audience laughing] 123 00:07:57,154 --> 00:07:59,224 Yeah? [audience laughing] 124 00:08:01,195 --> 00:08:03,399 ‐Knock. ‐What? 125 00:08:05,103 --> 00:08:07,641 ‐Knock, knock. ‐Who’s there? 126 00:08:07,675 --> 00:08:09,144 [audience laughing] 127 00:08:11,182 --> 00:08:12,384 Oh! 128 00:08:13,119 --> 00:08:16,425 [audience laughing] 129 00:08:26,679 --> 00:08:28,717 [doorbell rings] 130 00:08:37,267 --> 00:08:38,469 Read the card. 131 00:08:41,609 --> 00:08:47,254 [speaking gibberish] 132 00:08:56,438 --> 00:09:00,446 Can I interest you in a revolutionary way to clean your home? 133 00:09:00,480 --> 00:09:01,816 ‐No. ‐Okay, bye. 134 00:09:01,849 --> 00:09:05,223 [audience laughing] 135 00:09:05,256 --> 00:09:07,795 ‐Where are you going? ‐Well, I’m going back to bear‐stuffing. 136 00:09:07,828 --> 00:09:09,632 ‐I stink at selling. ‐No, no, no, no. 137 00:09:09,665 --> 00:09:13,306 Come back inside. Okay, I see the problem. Okay, I see the problem. 138 00:09:13,339 --> 00:09:16,445 Okay. Listen, sit down. 139 00:09:16,478 --> 00:09:22,190 See, when I said, "No", you thought I meant no. 140 00:09:22,625 --> 00:09:24,629 ‐Yes. ‐No. 141 00:09:24,662 --> 00:09:26,498 [audience laughing] 142 00:09:26,533 --> 00:09:30,473 You see, to a good salesman no means yes. 143 00:09:31,475 --> 00:09:36,252 ‐You understand? ‐Yes... and no, 144 00:09:36,285 --> 00:09:38,422 [audience laughing] 145 00:09:38,456 --> 00:09:40,226 ‐When you say, "No..." ‐Yes. 146 00:09:40,861 --> 00:09:42,565 ‐...do you mean yes? ‐No. 147 00:09:42,598 --> 00:09:43,600 [audience laughing] 148 00:09:46,506 --> 00:09:51,616 But, but, then why, but, but when, when you say, "No", you don’t mean yes? 149 00:09:51,649 --> 00:09:54,589 No. I mean no. 150 00:09:54,622 --> 00:09:58,429 No, see, when a customer says, "No", they mean yes. 151 00:09:58,462 --> 00:10:00,433 When I say "No", I mean no. 152 00:10:01,669 --> 00:10:02,671 [audience laughing] 153 00:10:04,642 --> 00:10:07,981 Let me try to put this together. 154 00:10:08,015 --> 00:10:14,862 ‐When, when you’re being the customer, no means yes. ‐Yes. 155 00:10:14,895 --> 00:10:20,273 ‐When you’re being Cousin Larry, no means no. ‐Yes. 156 00:10:20,306 --> 00:10:24,915 ‐When you look at a bottle of soap, you see a yacht. ‐Yes. 157 00:10:24,949 --> 00:10:26,252 [audience laughing] 158 00:10:28,623 --> 00:10:30,594 [sobbing] 159 00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:37,407 Okay, Balki, I think this little outburst proves 160 00:10:37,440 --> 00:10:40,647 ‐that you are not ready to read the book. ‐I’m fine. 161 00:10:40,681 --> 00:10:44,655 I think maybe by the time we go once around the neighborhood, 162 00:10:44,689 --> 00:10:47,026 I’ll have the hang of this door‐to‐door selling. 163 00:10:47,059 --> 00:10:49,599 Balki, we are not going to go once around the neighborhood. 164 00:10:50,032 --> 00:10:51,603 ‐No? ‐No. 165 00:10:51,636 --> 00:10:54,675 And I mean no. 166 00:10:54,709 --> 00:10:58,349 Balki, in this neighborhood, we could go to a thousand doors and make one sale. 167 00:10:58,382 --> 00:11:01,656 A good salesman goes to one door and makes a thousand sales. 168 00:11:01,689 --> 00:11:06,799 We are going to sell this product to Lenora Dumont. 169 00:11:06,833 --> 00:11:11,876 [exclaiming] Lenora Dumont? Lenora Dumont? 170 00:11:13,145 --> 00:11:16,653 ‐Yes. ‐Never heard of her. 171 00:11:16,686 --> 00:11:18,957 Well, I have. I interviewed her last month. 172 00:11:18,990 --> 00:11:21,127 She owns the Dumont chain of hotels. 173 00:11:21,161 --> 00:11:25,537 Balki, we are going to make her the Queen of Clean. 174 00:11:25,571 --> 00:11:28,877 We are about to make salesman history. Are you with me? 175 00:11:28,910 --> 00:11:30,847 ‐No! ‐[audience laughing] 176 00:11:48,783 --> 00:11:50,887 Balki, get in here. 177 00:11:50,921 --> 00:11:57,467 [singing Lone Ranger theme song] 178 00:11:57,500 --> 00:12:00,774 ‐Hi‐Yo, Omni‐Sweep! ‐[audience laughing] 179 00:12:02,143 --> 00:12:04,882 All right, Balki, this is not fun and games. 180 00:12:04,915 --> 00:12:07,788 ‐Whatever you say, Kemo Sabe. ‐[audience laughing] 181 00:12:07,821 --> 00:12:09,258 All right, now, 182 00:12:09,291 --> 00:12:12,565 when Mrs. Dumont gets here, let me do all the talking. 183 00:12:12,598 --> 00:12:16,939 You just remember rule number two: Get the money, get the money, get money. 184 00:12:19,278 --> 00:12:22,083 Cousin, I still think that’s rules two through four. 185 00:12:22,116 --> 00:12:23,953 [audience laughing] 186 00:12:23,987 --> 00:12:26,726 Maybe it’s explained in the book. 187 00:12:26,759 --> 00:12:29,298 However, I’m not allowed to see the book. 188 00:12:29,331 --> 00:12:32,771 [mocking] Oh, no, no! Oh, no, no, no, no! 189 00:12:32,805 --> 00:12:35,977 ‐Good afternoon. ‐Good afternoon, Mrs. Dumont. 190 00:12:36,011 --> 00:12:38,850 ‐You’re looking well. ‐Thank you. Who are you? 191 00:12:38,883 --> 00:12:40,587 [audience laughing] 192 00:12:40,621 --> 00:12:44,629 Larry Appleton from the Chronicle. Remember? 193 00:12:44,662 --> 00:12:49,572 [stammering] I interviewed you last month. Four columns? Nice picture. 194 00:12:51,275 --> 00:12:52,711 We, we had lunch on your terrace. 195 00:12:52,745 --> 00:12:57,921 Cold salmon, asparagus with dill sauce, and you showed me, uh, pictures 196 00:12:57,955 --> 00:13:02,263 ‐of, of little Malcolm and Cecily? ‐No. 197 00:13:02,297 --> 00:13:05,671 Cousin Larry spilled gazpacho on your lap? 198 00:13:05,704 --> 00:13:07,340 ‐[gasps] Now I remember. ‐[audience laughing] 199 00:13:09,645 --> 00:13:12,016 I’m terribly sorry, uh, did you get my flowers? 200 00:13:12,049 --> 00:13:14,722 Yes, I gave them to the maid. 201 00:13:14,755 --> 00:13:19,130 As I recall, you wrote a very nice article about my art collection. 202 00:13:19,163 --> 00:13:23,740 ‐Oh, well, thank you. ‐So, I suppose you’re here to do a follow‐up piece. 203 00:13:23,773 --> 00:13:25,844 Are you interested in my Monet? 204 00:13:25,877 --> 00:13:29,418 Yes, we’re here to get the Monet, get the Monet, get the Monet, 205 00:13:29,451 --> 00:13:31,956 [audience laughing] 206 00:13:37,233 --> 00:13:38,970 Uh... [clears throat] 207 00:13:39,003 --> 00:13:42,176 Uh, this is, uh, my associate, Balki Bartokomous. 208 00:13:42,209 --> 00:13:44,849 [nervous chuckle] Oh... 209 00:13:44,882 --> 00:13:46,886 [audience laughing] 210 00:13:46,919 --> 00:13:49,358 [Larry chuckling embarrassingly] 211 00:13:49,391 --> 00:13:52,364 Y... You’ll, uh, you’ll have to excuse him. 212 00:13:52,397 --> 00:13:56,338 He’s from a very small island with a defective gene pool. 213 00:13:56,372 --> 00:13:59,143 [audience laughing] 214 00:13:59,177 --> 00:14:04,488 Well, the real story is the portrait I’m having painted by Renaldo Ricardo. 215 00:14:04,522 --> 00:14:08,061 Did you hear that, Balki? Renaldo Ricardo! 216 00:14:08,095 --> 00:14:11,368 Renaldo Ricardo? I love him! 217 00:14:11,402 --> 00:14:13,840 Why would he never let Lucy in his show? 218 00:14:13,873 --> 00:14:16,779 [audience laughing] 219 00:14:16,813 --> 00:14:19,519 And what was the basis of his friendship with Fred? 220 00:14:19,552 --> 00:14:22,758 They had absolutely nothing in common. 221 00:14:22,791 --> 00:14:27,166 ‐[audience laughing] ‐Renaldo Ricardo is a world‐famous artist. 222 00:14:27,199 --> 00:14:30,406 He’s painted all the members of the Royal Family. 223 00:14:30,440 --> 00:14:33,145 And when he finishes with this one, 224 00:14:33,178 --> 00:14:38,321 it will hang in the portrait gallery of the Chicago Art Institute. 225 00:14:40,894 --> 00:14:44,233 ‐What a beautiful painting! ‐[chuckles] 226 00:14:44,267 --> 00:14:48,141 Oh, Cousin, this guy is really good! 227 00:14:48,175 --> 00:14:50,847 You can’t even see any of the numbers. 228 00:14:50,881 --> 00:14:52,016 [audience laughing] 229 00:14:53,118 --> 00:14:56,391 [laughing embarrassingly] 230 00:14:56,425 --> 00:15:01,503 [clears throat] Mrs. Dumont, uh, we are not here about the painting 231 00:15:01,536 --> 00:15:06,613 We are here to sell you a miracle product. 232 00:15:06,646 --> 00:15:12,089 ‐I beg your pardon? ‐"Hello, busy homemaker. 233 00:15:12,123 --> 00:15:16,498 We’re here to make your housecleaning chores a joy and a pleasure. 234 00:15:16,533 --> 00:15:18,135 May we come in? 235 00:15:21,576 --> 00:15:23,446 Get foot in door." 236 00:15:23,479 --> 00:15:25,415 [audience laughing] 237 00:15:29,257 --> 00:15:30,894 I’m telling L. Bob. 238 00:15:30,927 --> 00:15:32,396 [audience laughing] 239 00:15:32,429 --> 00:15:34,033 [both grunting] 240 00:15:37,474 --> 00:15:38,610 [both] Hi. 241 00:15:41,181 --> 00:15:46,057 Mrs. Dumont, we represent the Clean for Life Home Hygiene System. 242 00:15:46,091 --> 00:15:52,369 We have over two hundred varieties of cleaners and spot and stain removers. Balki. 243 00:15:52,403 --> 00:15:57,046 Hello, busy homemaker. We’re here to make your housecleaning chores a joy. 244 00:15:57,079 --> 00:15:59,685 Give me the bottle. Give me the bottle. 245 00:15:59,719 --> 00:16:01,623 ‐Oh. ‐[nervous chuckle] 246 00:16:01,656 --> 00:16:05,664 It’s as simple as shake and shine. 247 00:16:05,697 --> 00:16:10,339 I’m sure with three hotels you use a lot of cleaning products. 248 00:16:10,372 --> 00:16:11,676 Look, you’ll have to excuse me, 249 00:16:11,709 --> 00:16:13,178 I don’t have time for any of this, 250 00:16:13,211 --> 00:16:15,551 ‐and please leave my house. ‐Wait, wait, wait. 251 00:16:15,584 --> 00:16:18,355 ‐You, you don’t want to buy anything? ‐No! 252 00:16:18,388 --> 00:16:24,000 No! Did you hear that, Cousin? Oh, boy, this is great! 253 00:16:24,033 --> 00:16:27,073 This no means yes stuff is really starting to make sense to me. 254 00:16:27,106 --> 00:16:29,512 When do we get our money, get our money, get our money? 255 00:16:29,545 --> 00:16:31,314 ‐[audience laughing] ‐[grumbling] 256 00:16:32,383 --> 00:16:35,657 [chuckling nervously] 257 00:16:35,691 --> 00:16:40,065 Mrs. Dumont, uh, if you would just give a us a moment to show you some of our‐‐ 258 00:16:40,099 --> 00:16:41,101 [shouts] 259 00:16:42,336 --> 00:16:45,209 The maid will clean it up! Don’t be here when I get back! 260 00:16:52,001 --> 00:16:55,676 ‐Let’s get outta here. ‐Cousin, no. We made this mess, we got to clean it up. 261 00:16:57,213 --> 00:17:00,819 Balki, that’s a brilliant idea! 262 00:17:00,853 --> 00:17:03,792 Well, Cousin, I, I can’t take all the credit. 263 00:17:03,825 --> 00:17:07,032 You yourself said we were going to clean up in here. 264 00:17:07,067 --> 00:17:08,435 [audience laughing] 265 00:17:08,469 --> 00:17:12,277 No, Balki, I mean this is a golden opportunity to show Mrs. Dumont 266 00:17:12,310 --> 00:17:15,015 exactly what the Clean For Life system is all about. 267 00:17:15,048 --> 00:17:19,657 When she gets back, we’ll have this place spotless! Bring me the Omni‐Sweep. 268 00:17:19,691 --> 00:17:22,597 I think this calls for Solvent Number Nine! 269 00:17:25,703 --> 00:17:29,777 Balki, this will be as simple as shake and shine! 270 00:17:29,811 --> 00:17:32,150 ‐Cousin, just a second‐‐ ‐I don’t have time, I don’t have time for this. 271 00:17:32,183 --> 00:17:35,389 ‐Cousin, no, no, no, listen to me. ‐I met with L. Bob Frederick. 272 00:17:35,423 --> 00:17:39,197 I read the book. I know what I’m doing. 273 00:17:40,333 --> 00:17:42,837 Fine. ‐[audience laughing] 274 00:17:49,016 --> 00:17:51,755 ‐I suppose you were going to tell me to tighten the cap. ‐Yes. 275 00:17:51,788 --> 00:17:54,026 [audience laughing] 276 00:17:54,060 --> 00:17:56,131 But perhaps that wasn’t covered in the book. 277 00:17:56,165 --> 00:17:58,469 [audience laughing] 278 00:18:02,343 --> 00:18:05,082 Oh, God! I hope we didn’t hurt it. 279 00:18:05,116 --> 00:18:07,887 Oh, now, now, Cousin, look, don’t fly off your love handles, 280 00:18:11,228 --> 00:18:17,072 Cousin, the wall is fine. Lucky for us, the Ricardo painting was in the way. 281 00:18:17,106 --> 00:18:19,144 [audience laughing] 282 00:18:19,177 --> 00:18:21,815 All right, Balki, I hope we didn’t ruin the painting. 283 00:18:21,848 --> 00:18:23,252 Just, just help me take this off. 284 00:18:27,227 --> 00:18:28,895 [both sigh in relief] 285 00:18:28,929 --> 00:18:34,241 That was close. All right, I’ll just clean up the carpet and then we’re outta here. 286 00:18:34,274 --> 00:18:38,149 Boy, Mrs. Dumont must have had this little mole removed after the painting was done. 287 00:18:38,182 --> 00:18:40,786 ‐What mole? ‐Little mole right over here. 288 00:18:43,259 --> 00:18:47,066 Balki, that’s not a mole! It’s a spot of cleaning fluid! 289 00:18:47,099 --> 00:18:50,439 [hyperventilating] Oh, okay, all right! Don’t panic! 290 00:18:50,473 --> 00:18:52,977 [audience laughing] 291 00:18:53,010 --> 00:18:57,187 All right, all right, all right. Balki, okay, okay, okay. All right, all right. 292 00:18:57,220 --> 00:19:03,332 I’ll just carefully remove the little speck of cleaning fluid. 293 00:19:04,867 --> 00:19:06,405 [audience laughing] 294 00:19:08,942 --> 00:19:11,481 Oh, God! I took off the end of her nose! 295 00:19:11,515 --> 00:19:13,985 [panting] 296 00:19:16,124 --> 00:19:19,163 Well, if you ask me, Cousin, it looks a whole lot better, 297 00:19:19,197 --> 00:19:21,368 ‐[audience laughing] ‐We gotta fix it! 298 00:19:21,401 --> 00:19:23,205 [gasping] 299 00:19:26,545 --> 00:19:29,484 [humming] 300 00:19:31,154 --> 00:19:35,162 Cousin, Cousin, Cousin, Cousin. Articulate the cartilage. 301 00:19:35,196 --> 00:19:37,367 [audience laughing] 302 00:19:37,400 --> 00:19:41,541 Now, get, get in there with some highlights. 303 00:19:41,575 --> 00:19:44,080 Some highlights. Uh, Some highlights. 304 00:19:47,019 --> 00:19:49,991 And some, some, uh, some shadow, shadow. 305 00:19:50,025 --> 00:19:52,029 [audience laughing] 306 00:19:52,062 --> 00:19:54,601 ‐What do you think? ‐It stinks. 307 00:19:54,634 --> 00:19:57,640 All right, all right, here, here. I’ll just... 308 00:20:00,346 --> 00:20:04,454 ‐Ooh! ‐Oh... God! 309 00:20:04,487 --> 00:20:07,327 I made it worse! [shouts] All right, what are we gonna do? 310 00:20:07,360 --> 00:20:08,729 ‐What are we gonna do? ‐Now listen to me. 311 00:20:08,762 --> 00:20:11,601 ‐What are we gonna do? ‐Listen to me, listen to me, listen to me. 312 00:20:13,472 --> 00:20:15,443 [audience laughing] 313 00:20:15,476 --> 00:20:18,282 ‐I can paint, right? ‐Yes, you can. 314 00:20:18,315 --> 00:20:20,986 ‐I can fix this, right? ‐Yes, you can. 315 00:20:21,020 --> 00:20:25,729 ‐I can save us, right? ‐Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you! 316 00:20:25,763 --> 00:20:30,273 ‐Can I read the book? ‐Okay, all right, all right, yes, yes, yes! 317 00:20:30,306 --> 00:20:32,510 ‐You can read the book! ‐Can you get me an autographed copy? 318 00:20:32,543 --> 00:20:34,714 Just shut up and fix the painting! 319 00:20:34,747 --> 00:20:36,385 [audience laughing] 320 00:20:36,418 --> 00:20:38,322 All right, now first things first. 321 00:20:39,491 --> 00:20:41,728 [audience exclaims in shock] 322 00:20:43,832 --> 00:20:45,736 [audience laughing] 323 00:20:50,579 --> 00:20:53,084 Now, what did she look like? 324 00:20:53,118 --> 00:20:55,122 [audience laughing] 325 00:21:01,735 --> 00:21:03,839 [screaming in shock] 326 00:21:03,872 --> 00:21:06,378 All right, all right, all right. Now hold it. Just hold it. 327 00:21:08,582 --> 00:21:11,421 Hand down, please. Hand down, please, and, uh, 328 00:21:11,455 --> 00:21:14,561 give me a little smile. Give me a little smile. 329 00:21:14,594 --> 00:21:15,629 Just hold that. 330 00:21:18,134 --> 00:21:19,837 [audience laughing] 331 00:21:21,608 --> 00:21:23,211 Hold that. 332 00:21:25,316 --> 00:21:26,585 [audience clapping] 333 00:21:38,342 --> 00:21:40,346 Did your Mama get the birthday present you sent her? 334 00:21:40,379 --> 00:21:43,619 Yes, she did. She loved her Clean For Life products. 335 00:21:45,456 --> 00:21:48,429 She has the cleanest mud hut on the island. 336 00:21:48,462 --> 00:21:50,298 [audience laughing] 337 00:21:54,240 --> 00:21:58,248 Well, we better get going. We don’t want to be late for Mrs. Dumont’s party. 338 00:21:58,281 --> 00:22:01,721 ‐Mmm. [chuckles] ‐She really was very understanding, wasn’t she? 339 00:22:01,755 --> 00:22:05,596 Oh, yes, she was. I hope tonight’s party don’t go too late. 340 00:22:05,629 --> 00:22:09,804 Look at the bright side, only another six more months of parking cars... 341 00:22:09,837 --> 00:22:11,875 [audience laughing] 342 00:22:13,445 --> 00:22:15,716 [audience clapping] 343 00:22:20,826 --> 00:22:23,565 ...and we’ll have paid off the carpet and the painting. 344 00:22:34,587 --> 00:22:36,891 [closing theme music playing]