1
00:00:01,535 --> 00:00:04,170
[theme song]

2
00:00:11,477 --> 00:00:15,048
♪ Sometimes the world
looks perfect ♪

3
00:00:15,081 --> 00:00:17,518
♪ Nothing to rearrange ♪

4
00:00:17,551 --> 00:00:20,453
♪ Sometimes you just
get a feeling ♪

5
00:00:20,486 --> 00:00:23,456
♪ Like you need
some kind of change ♪

6
00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:28,629
♪ No matter what the odds
are this time ♪

7
00:00:28,662 --> 00:00:30,731
♪ Nothing’s going to
stand in my way ♪

8
00:00:30,764 --> 00:00:32,398
♪ This flame in my heart ♪

9
00:00:32,432 --> 00:00:34,367
♪ Like a long lost friend ♪

10
00:00:34,400 --> 00:00:38,071
♪ Gives every dark street
a light at the end ♪

11
00:00:39,405 --> 00:00:42,308
♪ Standing tall ♪

12
00:00:42,342 --> 00:00:46,179
♪ On the wings of my dream ♪

13
00:00:46,212 --> 00:00:49,182
♪ Rise and fall ♪

14
00:00:49,215 --> 00:00:52,686
♪ On the wings of my dream ♪

15
00:00:52,719 --> 00:00:54,354
♪ The rain and thunder ♪

16
00:00:54,387 --> 00:00:55,822
♪ The wind and haze ♪

17
00:00:55,856 --> 00:00:59,626
♪ I’m bound for better days ♪

18
00:00:59,660 --> 00:01:02,763
♪ It’s my life and my dream ♪

19
00:01:02,796 --> 00:01:06,166
♪ Nothing’s going to
stop me now ♪

20
00:01:16,342 --> 00:01:17,678
[instrumental music]

21
00:01:17,711 --> 00:01:18,779
(Larry)
’We’re almost there, Balki.’

22
00:01:18,812 --> 00:01:21,381
’Las Vegas, the city where
fun never stops.’

23
00:01:21,414 --> 00:01:23,216
(Balki)
’More to the point,
the city that’s the home of’

24
00:01:23,249 --> 00:01:24,384
’Wayne Newton.’

25
00:01:24,417 --> 00:01:26,119
[tires screeching]

26
00:01:26,152 --> 00:01:28,689
[upbeat music]

27
00:01:35,461 --> 00:01:38,131
The luggage should be
up in a minute.

28
00:01:38,164 --> 00:01:40,634
When Balki won this "All expense
paid" trip to Las Vegas

29
00:01:40,667 --> 00:01:42,468
did the "All expenses paid"
include, uh

30
00:01:42,503 --> 00:01:43,670
tips for the bellman?

31
00:01:44,605 --> 00:01:46,206
I don’t think so, Larry.

32
00:01:47,340 --> 00:01:48,642
Anybody got change for a dollar?

33
00:01:57,183 --> 00:01:58,484
Hi, Balki.

34
00:01:59,553 --> 00:02:01,688
If anybody needs me, I...

35
00:02:01,722 --> 00:02:03,924
I’ll be in my room
until we go home.

36
00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:07,493
Oh, Balki...what’s the matter?

37
00:02:07,528 --> 00:02:09,730
The person on line
in front of me

38
00:02:09,763 --> 00:02:12,599
got the last two tickets
to Wayne Newton’s Show.

39
00:02:14,467 --> 00:02:16,202
[sobbing]

40
00:02:16,236 --> 00:02:17,904
Well, Balki, we can have fun

41
00:02:17,938 --> 00:02:20,373
without going to
the Wayne Newton Show.

42
00:02:22,743 --> 00:02:24,878
Fun without Wayne?

43
00:02:27,914 --> 00:02:30,483
Fun without Wayne?

44
00:02:31,818 --> 00:02:34,755
Cousin, there can be no fun...

45
00:02:36,222 --> 00:02:37,691
...without...

46
00:02:37,724 --> 00:02:38,725
...Wayne.

47
00:02:41,628 --> 00:02:43,664
Well, I think I‐I know
a way we might get tickets.

48
00:02:43,697 --> 00:02:45,298
Really?

49
00:02:45,331 --> 00:02:46,833
Well, I have a friend
who lives here in Las Vegas.

50
00:02:46,867 --> 00:02:47,968
And he said, any time I’m here

51
00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:50,436
if I need tickets to anything,
just give him a call.

52
00:02:50,470 --> 00:02:51,938
Oh, you mean Clint?

53
00:02:51,972 --> 00:02:53,373
Clint?

54
00:02:53,406 --> 00:02:54,508
An old boyfriend of Jennifer’s

55
00:02:54,541 --> 00:02:56,910
who’s always calling and telling
her to dump the troll.

56
00:02:56,943 --> 00:02:59,680
[giggles]

57
00:03:01,648 --> 00:03:04,450
Well, um. I’ll just go
make the call.

58
00:03:04,484 --> 00:03:05,418
Cousin.

59
00:03:05,451 --> 00:03:07,721
Why you didn’t tell me
we have a troll?

60
00:03:10,657 --> 00:03:11,792
Where do you keep him?

61
00:03:13,660 --> 00:03:16,997
No, oh, oh, oh‐oh, oh, oh! Wait
a minute. Wait a minute. Oh, oh.

62
00:03:17,030 --> 00:03:18,565
What, what are we talking about?

63
00:03:18,599 --> 00:03:20,266
Oh! What was I thinking?

64
00:03:20,300 --> 00:03:21,568
Well, what do you know?

65
00:03:21,602 --> 00:03:23,604
We’re talking about tickets!

66
00:03:23,637 --> 00:03:26,272
Oh, I can get us tickets.

67
00:03:26,306 --> 00:03:28,241
‐You can?
‐Oh, sure, sure.

68
00:03:28,274 --> 00:03:31,477
I’m a‐a reporter with a major
metropolitan newspaper.

69
00:03:31,512 --> 00:03:33,246
All I have to do is
pick up the phone

70
00:03:33,279 --> 00:03:37,684
tell ’em who I am, what I want
and bingo, tickets to Wayne!

71
00:03:37,718 --> 00:03:39,520
Larry, are you sure
you’re not doing this

72
00:03:39,553 --> 00:03:41,522
because you’re jealous of Clint?

73
00:03:41,555 --> 00:03:43,023
‐Clint who?
‐Clint...

74
00:03:43,056 --> 00:03:44,991
The man who knows that
you have a troll.

75
00:03:46,927 --> 00:03:48,294
Cousin, where do you keep him?

76
00:03:48,328 --> 00:03:49,830
Forget Clint.

77
00:03:49,863 --> 00:03:51,397
‐Where did you get him?
‐Believe me, Jennifer‐‐

78
00:03:51,431 --> 00:03:52,766
W‐what does he look like?

79
00:03:52,799 --> 00:03:54,400
The tickets are as good as
in my pocket.

80
00:03:54,434 --> 00:03:55,636
What do you feed him?

81
00:03:58,505 --> 00:03:59,573
Troll chow.

82
00:04:01,307 --> 00:04:02,843
[instrumental music]

83
00:04:07,848 --> 00:04:11,017
Yeah, h‐hello, uh,
this is Larry Appleton.

84
00:04:11,051 --> 00:04:14,555
I’m a reporter with
the Chicago Chronicle.

85
00:04:14,588 --> 00:04:18,792
Yeah, I’m considering doing
a profile piece on Wayne Newton.

86
00:04:18,825 --> 00:04:22,028
Uh, I think it would be
a big boost for Wayne’s career.

87
00:04:23,764 --> 00:04:25,866
So, if you could leave, uh

88
00:04:25,899 --> 00:04:28,301
four tickets at the front desk

89
00:04:28,334 --> 00:04:31,437
uh, well I could pick them up,
uh...now.

90
00:04:33,373 --> 00:04:34,407
Uh‐huh.

91
00:04:35,776 --> 00:04:36,843
Uh‐huh.

92
00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:40,046
Uh‐ha.

93
00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:42,282
Well, I...
Yes, yes, but I...

94
00:04:44,484 --> 00:04:45,852
No, no, no‐no, see...

95
00:04:45,886 --> 00:04:47,387
You don’t understand.

96
00:04:47,420 --> 00:04:49,723
No, you see, because
I need these tickets.

97
00:04:51,525 --> 00:04:53,326
I really need the tickets.

98
00:04:53,359 --> 00:04:55,328
If‐if I don’t get these tickets

99
00:04:55,361 --> 00:04:58,031
my wife is gonna leave me
for some tall guy named Clint!

100
00:04:59,766 --> 00:05:01,367
Hello? Hello?

101
00:05:04,370 --> 00:05:05,872
Cousin, cousin, come on!

102
00:05:05,906 --> 00:05:07,708
We’re waiting for you
down in the lobby.

103
00:05:07,741 --> 00:05:09,543
We want to get to
the Liberace Museum early.

104
00:05:10,611 --> 00:05:12,445
You know, uh, Balki...

105
00:05:12,478 --> 00:05:16,349
Uh, I’ve been thinking about
this, uh, Wayne Newton thing.

106
00:05:16,382 --> 00:05:18,852
And I‐I think
you’re expectations

107
00:05:18,885 --> 00:05:20,854
of Wayne are, are too big.

108
00:05:21,988 --> 00:05:24,858
So, what do you say we, uh...

109
00:05:24,891 --> 00:05:26,426
...skip the show
and go out to Hoover Dam?

110
00:05:26,459 --> 00:05:27,661
I hear it’s beautiful at night.

111
00:05:30,130 --> 00:05:32,032
You’re hiding something from me,
aren’t you?

112
00:05:32,065 --> 00:05:33,366
No, no, I’m not!

113
00:05:34,635 --> 00:05:36,036
Your nostrils are flaring.

114
00:05:38,404 --> 00:05:39,472
No, they’re not.

115
00:05:41,107 --> 00:05:42,475
‐You’re eyes are twitching.
‐No, they’re not.

116
00:05:42,509 --> 00:05:44,511
[feet pattering]

117
00:05:44,545 --> 00:05:46,079
‐Your foot is tapping.
‐No, it’s not.

118
00:05:47,480 --> 00:05:48,915
And you’re trying to
cover it all up.

119
00:05:48,949 --> 00:05:50,016
No, I’m not.

120
00:05:51,952 --> 00:05:54,420
Cousin, you couldn’t get
the tickets, could you?

121
00:05:54,454 --> 00:05:56,356
Well, it depends on
what you mean by "Couldn’t."

122
00:05:58,959 --> 00:06:01,127
[Balki sobbing]

123
00:06:01,161 --> 00:06:03,764
Hurry up, Larry, they turn off
Liberace’s cufflink fountain

124
00:06:03,797 --> 00:06:05,465
a half hour before closing.

125
00:06:06,967 --> 00:06:08,368
Balki, what’s wrong?

126
00:06:12,072 --> 00:06:14,140
You couldn’t get
the tickets, could you?

127
00:06:14,174 --> 00:06:15,909
I better call Clint.

128
00:06:15,942 --> 00:06:16,977
‐Yes, please, call Clint.
‐Oh, no, no‐no.

129
00:06:17,010 --> 00:06:18,044
Hey, hey, hold on now, hey‐hey!

130
00:06:18,078 --> 00:06:19,079
Please, call Clint.

131
00:06:19,112 --> 00:06:21,948
Who said that I‐I couldn’t get
the tickets?

132
00:06:21,982 --> 00:06:24,484
[chuckling]
Come on, come on!

133
00:06:24,518 --> 00:06:28,789
In fact, they wanted to give me
more than I asked for

134
00:06:28,822 --> 00:06:31,625
‐Cousin, are you sure?
‐Well, of course, I’m sure.

135
00:06:31,658 --> 00:06:33,560
‐Would I lie?
‐Yes.

136
00:06:35,195 --> 00:06:36,429
Alright, yes, I would.

137
00:06:36,462 --> 00:06:38,565
[Balki sobbing]

138
00:06:38,599 --> 00:06:40,701
But this time, I didn’t.

139
00:06:40,734 --> 00:06:43,436
‐Really? Really?
‐Yes! Yes!

140
00:06:43,469 --> 00:06:44,905
Alright, now, now, what do you
say the‐the three of you

141
00:06:44,938 --> 00:06:47,574
just go down, just grab a cab

142
00:06:47,608 --> 00:06:50,777
and‐and I’ll just, I’ll get
changed and meet you out front?

143
00:06:50,811 --> 00:06:52,579
Be careful walking through
the lobby, Larry.

144
00:06:52,613 --> 00:06:54,147
The bellmen hate you.

145
00:06:57,518 --> 00:06:59,119
Mary Anne

146
00:06:59,152 --> 00:07:02,689
come on, I‐I want to show you
to my special lucky machine.

147
00:07:02,723 --> 00:07:04,725
I win every time!

148
00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:06,627
You don’t even have to
put in coins.

149
00:07:06,660 --> 00:07:10,496
You just put in your credit card
and it pays you money.

150
00:07:10,531 --> 00:07:11,565
[gasps]

151
00:07:13,133 --> 00:07:15,569
[indistinct]

152
00:07:15,602 --> 00:07:16,870
[chuckles]

153
00:07:22,108 --> 00:07:24,845
Yeah... Yes, hello, this is
Larry Appleton again.

154
00:07:24,878 --> 00:07:27,948
Uh, did you change your mind,
uh, about those tickets?

155
00:07:27,981 --> 00:07:29,482
Okay, alright, alright.

156
00:07:29,516 --> 00:07:30,851
I‐I didn’t want to tell you
this before

157
00:07:30,884 --> 00:07:32,786
but you’ve‐you’ve
left me no choice.

158
00:07:32,819 --> 00:07:35,055
You see, the, the tickets
are for my cousin.

159
00:07:35,088 --> 00:07:38,859
And, uh, and well, well, he,
well, he’s going deaf.

160
00:07:38,892 --> 00:07:42,095
And, uh, his, his only wish...

161
00:07:42,128 --> 00:07:44,798
...was to hear Wayne Newton
sing in person

162
00:07:44,831 --> 00:07:46,199
before he lost his hearing.

163
00:07:49,570 --> 00:07:53,707
[sobbing]
And, I‐I brought him
to Las Vegas to...

164
00:07:53,740 --> 00:07:55,876
...to fulfill a lifelong dream.

165
00:07:57,210 --> 00:07:59,145
[sobbing]

166
00:08:01,982 --> 00:08:04,084
Now, is that asking for so much?

167
00:08:09,122 --> 00:08:10,824
Four will be great, thank you.
I’ll be right down.

168
00:08:12,092 --> 00:08:13,126
Hey, hey!

169
00:08:13,159 --> 00:08:14,895
[instrumental music]

170
00:08:21,968 --> 00:08:24,270
♪ You know when that
shark bites ♪

171
00:08:24,304 --> 00:08:27,641
♪ With his teeth baby ♪

172
00:08:27,674 --> 00:08:32,846
♪ Scarlet billows
start to spread ♪

173
00:08:32,879 --> 00:08:38,084
♪ Fancy gloves oh
wears old MacHeath babe ♪

174
00:08:38,118 --> 00:08:42,155
♪ So there’s never
never a trace of red ♪

175
00:08:42,188 --> 00:08:43,990
Come on!

176
00:08:44,024 --> 00:08:46,259
♪ Now on the sidewalk huh huh ♪

177
00:08:46,292 --> 00:08:49,029
♪ Down by the river
don’t you know? ♪

178
00:08:49,062 --> 00:08:51,164
♪ Lies a body ♪

179
00:08:51,197 --> 00:08:54,300
♪ Oozin’ life eek ♪

180
00:08:54,334 --> 00:08:57,804
♪ Someone’s sneakin’ ♪

181
00:08:57,838 --> 00:08:59,806
♪ Around the corner ♪

182
00:08:59,840 --> 00:09:03,810
♪ Could that someone be
Oh Mack the Knife? ♪

183
00:09:09,249 --> 00:09:12,753
It was more wonderful than
I dreamed it would be!

184
00:09:12,786 --> 00:09:15,221
Cousin, I clapped so hard...

185
00:09:15,255 --> 00:09:18,191
...I think I dislocated
my palms.

186
00:09:18,224 --> 00:09:20,627
Well, I gotta admit,
he put on a heck of a show.

187
00:09:20,661 --> 00:09:21,662
[knocking on door]

188
00:09:24,665 --> 00:09:26,633
‐Hi, uh, Mr. Appleton?
‐Yes, that’s me.

189
00:09:26,667 --> 00:09:28,301
How do you do?
I’m Dave Miner.

190
00:09:28,334 --> 00:09:30,003
I’m an assistant
to Wayne Newton.

191
00:09:30,036 --> 00:09:32,005
Oh! Oh! Very nice to meet you.

192
00:09:32,038 --> 00:09:33,774
‐Yes.
‐Uh, this is my cousin.

193
00:09:33,807 --> 00:09:35,041
Balki Bartokomous.

194
00:09:36,877 --> 00:09:37,944
[chuckles]

195
00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:42,182
You, you...

196
00:09:42,215 --> 00:09:43,717
You know Wayne?

197
00:09:43,750 --> 00:09:45,819
Yes, I do. Now,
Mr. Newton would like to‐‐

198
00:09:45,852 --> 00:09:48,822
Is it, is it the kind of thing
where, where he might even say

199
00:09:48,855 --> 00:09:52,726
"Hey, Dave, let’s you and me go
grab a Grand Slam at Denny’s?"

200
00:09:52,759 --> 00:09:54,327
Well, I’m not exactly sure.

201
00:09:54,360 --> 00:09:57,664
Have you, have you ever,
have you ever...

202
00:09:57,698 --> 00:09:59,866
...hugged Wayne?

203
00:09:59,900 --> 00:10:03,136
Well, yes, in a, in a, you know,
a manly, buddy sort of way.

204
00:10:05,105 --> 00:10:09,876
I just hugged someone who has,
who has hugged Wayne?

205
00:10:09,910 --> 00:10:12,378
I hugged someone
who has hugged Wayne!

206
00:10:12,412 --> 00:10:16,316
Balki, uh, why don’t we let
Dave tell us what Wayne wants?

207
00:10:16,349 --> 00:10:18,719
‐Now, Wayne‐‐
‐You call him "Wayne?"

208
00:10:18,752 --> 00:10:19,953
Yeah!

209
00:10:19,986 --> 00:10:23,924
Wayne would, uh, would like to
invite you and your Cousin Balki

210
00:10:23,957 --> 00:10:26,860
to a little reception he’s
having in his suite right now.

211
00:10:26,893 --> 00:10:28,962
He’s, uh, very anxious
to meet this special person.

212
00:10:30,864 --> 00:10:34,367
Oh, w‐well, that’s, uh, a really
a very wonderful offer and, uh

213
00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:37,137
we’d like you to thank
Mr. Newton for us.

214
00:10:37,170 --> 00:10:39,372
Uh, but we can’t make it.

215
00:10:44,911 --> 00:10:48,114
What are you talking about?

216
00:10:48,148 --> 00:10:49,750
‐We’ll be there.
‐No, we won’t.

217
00:10:49,783 --> 00:10:51,952
What are you talking about?
We won’t be there?

218
00:10:51,985 --> 00:10:54,320
We’re going!
Are you out of your mind?

219
00:10:54,354 --> 00:10:55,355
Are you?

220
00:10:57,190 --> 00:10:58,959
Would you excuse us
for just a moment?

221
00:10:58,992 --> 00:11:00,727
Sure!

222
00:11:00,761 --> 00:11:02,996
Listen to me, listen to me,
listen to me.

223
00:11:03,029 --> 00:11:05,131
You are not thinking
this through.

224
00:11:05,165 --> 00:11:07,033
What are you thinking of?

225
00:11:07,067 --> 00:11:08,434
What are you talking about?

226
00:11:08,468 --> 00:11:10,704
What could possibly possess you

227
00:11:10,737 --> 00:11:13,273
to try to crush
the biggest dream of my life?

228
00:11:13,306 --> 00:11:14,841
Balki, you know, you know.

229
00:11:14,875 --> 00:11:19,045
Sometimes it is better
to worship from afar.

230
00:11:19,079 --> 00:11:22,415
Fine! You do that!
I’m gonna worship from a‐close!

231
00:11:22,448 --> 00:11:25,185
Come on! Come on!
Come on! Let’s go!

232
00:11:25,218 --> 00:11:27,420
Alright, alright, alright.
Alright, we’ll go.

233
00:11:27,453 --> 00:11:29,322
Great! Follow me.

234
00:11:29,355 --> 00:11:31,024
Ah, oh, cousin

235
00:11:31,057 --> 00:11:33,860
I am the happiest Mypiot
dead or alive!

236
00:11:33,894 --> 00:11:34,895
Aw!

237
00:11:36,262 --> 00:11:38,298
[instrumental music]

238
00:11:40,166 --> 00:11:43,103
[indistinct chatter]

239
00:11:51,377 --> 00:11:53,379
Cousin, cousin, look!

240
00:11:53,413 --> 00:11:55,982
This is the couch
where Wayne sits!

241
00:11:58,251 --> 00:12:00,220
Cousin, look! Look!

242
00:12:00,253 --> 00:12:03,456
This is the piano where Wayne
tinkles on the ivories.

243
00:12:06,059 --> 00:12:09,495
Red roses! Red Roses!

244
00:12:09,530 --> 00:12:11,064
You must be the Blue Lady.

245
00:12:12,132 --> 00:12:13,366
Cheer up, they’re for you.

246
00:12:29,049 --> 00:12:30,784
[grunting]

247
00:12:32,819 --> 00:12:34,287
Alright, that’s it!

248
00:12:34,320 --> 00:12:35,789
You are over‐excited.

249
00:12:35,822 --> 00:12:36,923
‐Cousin, cousin!
‐We’re outta here.

250
00:12:36,957 --> 00:12:38,959
I‐I saw him. He look at me!

251
00:12:38,992 --> 00:12:41,361
But, I‐I was just a little
overwhelmed but I’m fine now.

252
00:12:41,394 --> 00:12:42,529
‐Oh, you are.
‐I’m fine now, I’m okay.

253
00:12:42,563 --> 00:12:45,365
Alright, how many fingers
am I holding up?

254
00:12:45,398 --> 00:12:47,367
Ah, gentlemen, Wayne would
like to meet you now.

255
00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:49,269
Oh, alright, yeah...

256
00:12:50,270 --> 00:12:53,439
[indistinct chatter]

257
00:12:53,473 --> 00:12:55,008
Wayne, these are the gentlemen
I told you about.

258
00:12:55,041 --> 00:12:56,476
This is Larry Appleton.

259
00:12:56,510 --> 00:12:58,545
‐Nice to meet you, Larry.
‐Very nice to meet you.

260
00:12:58,579 --> 00:13:00,480
And this is Balki Bartokomous.

261
00:13:06,853 --> 00:13:08,088
He skipped lunch.

262
00:13:10,591 --> 00:13:12,526
[grunting]

263
00:13:15,095 --> 00:13:16,096
Thank you.

264
00:13:17,430 --> 00:13:21,301
Balki, it’s so nice to meet you.

265
00:13:21,334 --> 00:13:23,504
You’re such an incredible
young man.

266
00:13:25,371 --> 00:13:27,307
Wayne! Wayne! Wayne!

267
00:13:27,340 --> 00:13:29,042
Wayne! Wayne! Wayne!

268
00:13:29,075 --> 00:13:31,945
Wayne,
t‐the photographer’s ready.

269
00:13:31,978 --> 00:13:35,582
‐Oh, oh‐oh!
‐I’ll be right back, Balki.

270
00:13:35,616 --> 00:13:39,119
Honest! I’m coming,
I’m coming right back.

271
00:13:41,454 --> 00:13:43,423
Daddy, don’t you walk so fast.

272
00:13:44,057 --> 00:13:45,125
Alright!

273
00:13:47,528 --> 00:13:50,196
Cousin! Cousin! Cousin!
Isn’t he wonderful?

274
00:13:50,230 --> 00:13:51,632
Isn’t he terrific?

275
00:13:51,665 --> 00:13:54,367
Why is he yelling at me?

276
00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:56,002
Uh, why, why is Wayne
yelling at you?

277
00:13:56,036 --> 00:13:57,270
‐Why is Wayne yelling at you?
‐Yeah.

278
00:13:57,303 --> 00:13:59,239
Well, well, well, uh, you know.

279
00:13:59,272 --> 00:14:01,307
Uh, probably, uh,
you know, singing

280
00:14:01,341 --> 00:14:04,177
in front of a large orchestra

281
00:14:04,210 --> 00:14:07,213
all those years has, uh,
just made him a little...

282
00:14:07,247 --> 00:14:09,015
...hard of, uh, hearing.

283
00:14:11,251 --> 00:14:12,352
Yeah.

284
00:14:14,087 --> 00:14:15,355
That’s it.

285
00:14:15,388 --> 00:14:18,091
Poor man.

286
00:14:18,124 --> 00:14:20,994
Balki, I’m so sorry
that we were interrupted here!

287
00:14:22,563 --> 00:14:26,567
Wayne! I’ve waited
all my life to meet you.

288
00:14:26,600 --> 00:14:28,902
I, I have been
a fan of yours since

289
00:14:28,935 --> 00:14:31,471
I was knee‐high
to a yak pup.

290
00:14:31,505 --> 00:14:35,976
And my mother was practically
raised on your music!

291
00:14:36,009 --> 00:14:39,379
To me there is no other singer!

292
00:14:39,412 --> 00:14:43,316
Thank you, Balki! It’s fans like
you that make it all worthwhile!

293
00:14:43,349 --> 00:14:45,686
Oh, go on with you!

294
00:14:45,719 --> 00:14:48,121
‐No, I’m serious.
‐Oh, go on with you!

295
00:14:48,154 --> 00:14:49,923
‐Oh, I’m telling you the truth.
‐Oh, come...

296
00:14:53,059 --> 00:14:55,962
Balki, I just want you
to know how honored I am

297
00:14:55,996 --> 00:14:57,631
that you chose my show

298
00:14:57,664 --> 00:15:00,033
to be the last show
that you hear

299
00:15:00,066 --> 00:15:02,135
before you lose your hearing.

300
00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:08,241
What?

301
00:15:09,976 --> 00:15:11,978
I want you to know
how honored I am

302
00:15:12,012 --> 00:15:13,947
that you chose my show

303
00:15:13,980 --> 00:15:16,282
to be the last show
that you hear

304
00:15:16,316 --> 00:15:18,552
before you lose your hearing!

305
00:15:22,222 --> 00:15:23,356
What?

306
00:15:26,492 --> 00:15:27,561
It’s going fast.

307
00:15:29,495 --> 00:15:31,064
I’m glad he caught
the early show.

308
00:15:34,234 --> 00:15:37,604
You’re a very brave young man.

309
00:15:37,638 --> 00:15:39,540
‐He’s blessed to have you.
‐Uh, yes, he is.

310
00:15:40,406 --> 00:15:42,342
[indistinct chatter]

311
00:15:57,257 --> 00:15:59,325
What have you done?

312
00:16:02,696 --> 00:16:05,031
I told Wayne
you were going deaf.

313
00:16:10,303 --> 00:16:12,038
Why didn’t you tell me sooner?

314
00:16:20,714 --> 00:16:21,982
Balki...

315
00:16:24,518 --> 00:16:25,552
...I wanted to tell you sooner.

316
00:16:25,586 --> 00:16:26,620
[sobbing]

317
00:16:26,653 --> 00:16:28,421
Alright, alright, alright, no!

318
00:16:28,454 --> 00:16:31,057
No, no, Balki.

319
00:16:31,091 --> 00:16:32,659
Balki, you’re not going deaf.

320
00:16:32,693 --> 00:16:34,695
‐What?
‐You’re not going deaf.

321
00:16:34,728 --> 00:16:36,162
‐What?
‐I made it up.

322
00:16:37,497 --> 00:16:39,533
Just, I‐I, that’s what I told
Wayne’s people

323
00:16:39,566 --> 00:16:41,201
so that I could get
tickets to the show.

324
00:16:42,435 --> 00:16:44,170
[indistinct chatter]

325
00:16:46,339 --> 00:16:49,409
You, you lied to Wayne?

326
00:16:51,845 --> 00:16:55,115
Is nothing sacred to you?

327
00:16:55,148 --> 00:16:57,483
Balki, you feel great
’cause you got to meet Wayne.

328
00:16:57,518 --> 00:16:58,719
Wayne feels great
’cause he helped you.

329
00:16:58,752 --> 00:17:00,353
There’s no harm done.

330
00:17:00,386 --> 00:17:02,756
No harm done?

331
00:17:02,789 --> 00:17:06,727
Cousin, you, you took
the, the most...

332
00:17:06,760 --> 00:17:11,565
...thrilling moment of my life
and you tarnished it with a lie.

333
00:17:11,598 --> 00:17:14,067
[indistinct chatter]

334
00:17:14,100 --> 00:17:16,336
Could I please
have your attention?

335
00:17:16,369 --> 00:17:18,438
Could I please
have your attention?

336
00:17:18,471 --> 00:17:21,542
We have someone very
special here tonight.

337
00:17:23,610 --> 00:17:26,647
We have someone very
special here tonight...

338
00:17:29,516 --> 00:17:32,252
...that I would like you
all to meet.

339
00:17:32,285 --> 00:17:35,255
It isn’t very often
in my lifetime

340
00:17:35,288 --> 00:17:38,725
that I’ve seen
this kind of courage.

341
00:17:38,759 --> 00:17:40,627
Would you please give
a big round of applause‐‐

342
00:17:40,661 --> 00:17:42,763
Uh, wait a minute,
wait a minute.

343
00:17:42,796 --> 00:17:44,798
I‐I can’t let you
go through with this.

344
00:17:46,567 --> 00:17:48,569
The, the man you’re
about to introduce

345
00:17:48,602 --> 00:17:51,204
is not what he appears to be.

346
00:17:51,237 --> 00:17:55,509
And, and it’s not his fault,
it’s mine.

347
00:17:55,542 --> 00:17:59,680
I made the whole thing up so he
could get tickets to the show.

348
00:18:00,814 --> 00:18:03,249
And I‐I’ve ruined
this entire evening

349
00:18:03,283 --> 00:18:07,554
for someone who,
who means a lot to me.

350
00:18:07,588 --> 00:18:09,489
And, I’m, I’m sorry.

351
00:18:12,859 --> 00:18:14,661
You should be
ashamed of yourself

352
00:18:14,695 --> 00:18:16,429
for impersonating a war hero.

353
00:18:18,932 --> 00:18:20,333
Escort him out!

354
00:18:31,177 --> 00:18:32,646
Alright, not him! Not him!

355
00:18:32,679 --> 00:18:35,582
I‐I‐I lied about

356
00:18:35,616 --> 00:18:37,417
Balki’s hearing problem.

357
00:18:37,450 --> 00:18:39,520
Oh, though I can’t vouch
for the old guy.

358
00:18:40,721 --> 00:18:42,756
Balki, I‐I am, I am so sorry.

359
00:18:42,789 --> 00:18:45,425
Can you...
Can you ever forgive me?

360
00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:48,228
Yes, cousin, I can forgive you
but I just don’t wanna be seen

361
00:18:48,261 --> 00:18:50,330
talking to you right now.

362
00:18:50,363 --> 00:18:52,265
[dramatic music]

363
00:18:58,572 --> 00:19:01,675
(Larry)
’Balki, I am so sorry
about last night.’

364
00:19:01,708 --> 00:19:03,810
I mean, your, your whole life
you’ve dreamed of meeting Wayne

365
00:19:03,844 --> 00:19:05,646
and, and I ruined it.

366
00:19:05,679 --> 00:19:07,614
No, you didn’t ruin it.
Cousin, Come on.

367
00:19:07,648 --> 00:19:12,619
It really, I met him.
It was wonderful, wonderful.

368
00:19:12,653 --> 00:19:13,654
Hi, guys!

369
00:19:15,956 --> 00:19:17,157
[giggles]

370
00:19:23,564 --> 00:19:24,565
I’ll get him.

371
00:19:25,599 --> 00:19:26,600
He skipped breakfast.

372
00:19:28,569 --> 00:19:31,505
[grunting]

373
00:19:33,006 --> 00:19:37,678
Wayne, Wayne, Wayne Newton is,
is standing in the room with me.

374
00:19:39,279 --> 00:19:40,847
I‐I guess you...

375
00:19:40,881 --> 00:19:43,383
...came up here to throw us out.

376
00:19:43,416 --> 00:19:45,652
Well, of course not.
Don’t be ridiculous.

377
00:19:50,591 --> 00:19:53,627
Actually, I was thinking,
and it finally dawned on me...

378
00:19:53,660 --> 00:19:56,930
...that you’re the Balki that’s
been writing me every week

379
00:19:56,963 --> 00:19:59,299
for the last fifteen years,
aren’t you?

380
00:19:59,332 --> 00:20:01,802
‐Yes!
‐How’s mama?

381
00:20:01,835 --> 00:20:03,870
Oh, she’s great! She’s great!

382
00:20:03,904 --> 00:20:05,606
Do you remember,
I wrote to you and I told you

383
00:20:05,639 --> 00:20:07,440
that she was going
back to school?

384
00:20:07,473 --> 00:20:09,810
‐Yes!
‐Well, she aced her midterms.

385
00:20:09,843 --> 00:20:11,578
And she made
the cheerleading squad.

386
00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:15,882
‐Get out of the city!
‐Yes, it’s true!

387
00:20:15,916 --> 00:20:18,585
[laughing]

388
00:20:18,619 --> 00:20:20,887
And you’re Cousin Larry, huh?

389
00:20:20,921 --> 00:20:22,889
Well, I must admit that
you’ve lived up to everything

390
00:20:22,923 --> 00:20:24,490
that Balki’s written about you.

391
00:20:27,661 --> 00:20:29,663
Well, thank you, Wayne.

392
00:20:29,696 --> 00:20:31,431
‐May I call you "Wayne?"
‐No.

393
00:20:34,434 --> 00:20:36,002
I‐I understand.

394
00:20:36,036 --> 00:20:38,438
[chuckles]
Lighten up, Larry.
I was just kiddin’.

395
00:20:38,471 --> 00:20:39,606
He does get tensed, doesn’t he?

396
00:20:39,640 --> 00:20:41,341
Oh, yeah, he’s quite,
quite tense.

397
00:20:42,643 --> 00:20:44,410
Actually the reason I came here

398
00:20:44,444 --> 00:20:45,879
was to invite you guys
back to the show

399
00:20:45,912 --> 00:20:47,648
as my guests tonight.

400
00:20:47,681 --> 00:20:49,716
’Cause I wanna do a very
special song for you, Balki.

401
00:20:51,685 --> 00:20:55,355
You...w‐want to do
a song for me?

402
00:20:55,388 --> 00:20:56,489
Yes.

403
00:20:58,024 --> 00:20:59,459
What song is it?

404
00:20:59,492 --> 00:21:00,861
I can’t tell you,
it’s a surprise.

405
00:21:00,894 --> 00:21:03,597
‐Oh, please tell me.
‐It’s a surprise.

406
00:21:03,630 --> 00:21:06,299
‐Is it "CC Rider?"
‐You’ll hear tonight.

407
00:21:06,332 --> 00:21:08,635
‐"Hungry years?"
‐It’s a surprise!

408
00:21:08,669 --> 00:21:10,470
‐"Moon River?"
‐"Andy Williams."

409
00:21:10,504 --> 00:21:11,872
Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God!

410
00:21:11,905 --> 00:21:15,008
[mumbling]

411
00:21:15,041 --> 00:21:16,743
Will you please tell me
what it is?

412
00:21:16,777 --> 00:21:18,879
Please, I‐I can’t wait!
I can’t stand it!

413
00:21:18,912 --> 00:21:21,014
I’m gonna explode if you don’t
tell me what it is!

414
00:21:21,047 --> 00:21:22,649
Okay, "Danke Schoen."

415
00:21:26,687 --> 00:21:28,488
[gasping]

416
00:21:28,522 --> 00:21:31,357
Ow! Ow, ow, ow!

417
00:21:31,391 --> 00:21:32,726
The ring. The ring. The ring.

418
00:21:38,832 --> 00:21:40,901
You know, I just had
the most beautiful dream

419
00:21:40,934 --> 00:21:43,369
that‐that, that you say
that you were going to

420
00:21:43,403 --> 00:21:45,105
to sing "Danke Schoen" for me.

421
00:21:45,138 --> 00:21:46,472
I am.

422
00:21:47,741 --> 00:21:48,942
Oh!

423
00:21:48,975 --> 00:21:50,711
Oh, oh!

424
00:21:51,477 --> 00:21:54,347
’Oh! Oh!’

425
00:21:54,380 --> 00:21:57,584
Listen, Wayne, I‐I’m sorry
about all the...

426
00:21:57,618 --> 00:21:58,785
...lying.

427
00:21:58,819 --> 00:21:59,986
Ah, don’t worry about it, Larry.

428
00:22:00,020 --> 00:22:01,054
I was thinking about it

429
00:22:01,087 --> 00:22:02,789
and I was really
kind of touched

430
00:22:02,823 --> 00:22:04,357
that you went through
all that trouble

431
00:22:04,390 --> 00:22:05,959
to get tickets to the show.

432
00:22:05,992 --> 00:22:07,360
See you later, huh?

433
00:22:07,393 --> 00:22:09,129
Oh, oh!

434
00:22:09,162 --> 00:22:10,697
Oh‐oh‐oh!

435
00:22:11,497 --> 00:22:12,566
Oh‐oh!

436
00:22:13,166 --> 00:22:14,500
Oh!

437
00:22:14,535 --> 00:22:15,702
Wayne, Wayne!

438
00:22:17,738 --> 00:22:19,673
[instrumental music]

439
00:22:26,112 --> 00:22:27,714
[instrumental music]

440
00:22:27,748 --> 00:22:28,982
Ready? Okay.

441
00:22:30,416 --> 00:22:32,018
♪ Danke Schoen ♪

442
00:22:32,052 --> 00:22:34,154
♪ Darling Danke Schoen ♪

443
00:22:34,187 --> 00:22:35,956
♪ Danke Schoen ♪

444
00:22:35,989 --> 00:22:39,760
♪ Thank you for
all the joy and pain ♪

445
00:22:39,793 --> 00:22:41,094
♪ Joy and pain ♪

446
00:22:41,127 --> 00:22:46,032
♪ I recall Central Park
in fall ♪

447
00:22:46,066 --> 00:22:49,670
♪ How you tore you dress
what a mess ♪

448
00:22:49,703 --> 00:22:51,738
♪ My heart says Danke Schoen ♪

449
00:22:51,772 --> 00:22:54,941
♪ Danke Schoen ♪
♪ Danke Schoen ♪

450
00:22:54,975 --> 00:22:57,744
♪ Auf Wiedersehen ♪
♪ Auf Wiedersehen ♪

451
00:22:57,778 --> 00:22:59,112
♪ Worth the sayin’ ♪

452
00:23:02,583 --> 00:23:04,518
[laughing]