[theme song]
♪ Sometimes the world looks perfect ♪
♪ Nothing to rearrange ♪
♪ Sometimes you just get a feeling ♪
♪ Like you need some kind of change ♪
♪ No matter what the odds are this time ♪
♪ Nothing’s gonna stand in my way ♪
♪ This flame in my heart and a long lost friend ♪
♪ Gives every dark street a light at the end ♪
♪ Standing tall on the wings of my dream ♪
♪ Rise and fall on the wings of my dream ♪
♪ The rain and thunder the wind and haze ♪
♪ I’m bound for better days ♪
♪ It’s my life and my dream ♪
♪ Nothing’s gonna stop me now ♪
Face it, mister, we can’t get the couch up to your office.
It won’t fit in the elevator.
Oh, it’s just great.
I spent a fortune redecorating my office
around this sofa and you can’t get it up there?
You hear that, Balki? Opportunity is knocking.
Well, I have no choice. Take it back.
N‐no need to take that couch back, sir.
Uh, it just so happens that, uh, during college
I worked for the Eight Garibaldi Brothers Moving Company.
I was so good, uh, they laid off four brothers.
So you could get this couch up to my office?
Absolutely, sir.
Is this gonna be like that time you insisted
on cleaning my aquarium and got your head stuck in it?
No, it won’t be anything like that, sir.
I‐I will treat your couch with TLC.
I have a better idea.
Treat it as if it meant your J‐O‐B.
R‐E‐S‐P‐E‐C‐T.
Find out what it means to me.
Okay. Good luck with that couch, sucker.
Whoa!
Oh!
Don’t play with my dolly.
Stop fooling around.
We’ve got a job to do.
Hey, cousin, uh, you never told me that you were a mover.
Balki, I have never moved a piece of furniture in my life.
But how hard can it be to get a couch into an elevator?
Well, that all depends on how much of the couch
you want to get into the elevator
and whether or not you want the doors to shut.
Alright, Balki, let me explain.
Getting this couch into the elevator
is all a matter of finding the magic angle.
Oh, yeah.
Vila, the goat girl, used to say
there was a certain magic in my ankles.
‐Balki. ‐Yeah?
Just help me get the couch into the elevator.
Cousin, the only way you’re gonna get this couch
into that elevator is to saw it in half.
No, we are not going to saw it in half.
Oh, yes. Make a nice set of sectionals.
Perhaps a little end table with some straw flowers‐‐
We’re not going to saw it in half.
Balki, what we’re going to do is take this end
into the elevator and then lift it up.
Now you take this end, I will take that end.
Wait a minute. How come you get the good end?
There is no good end. Both ends are the same.
‐Oh really? ‐’Yes.’
Then how come you want that end?
‐No, you take that end. ‐I’m just gonna take a look.
Just take that end. Look, now alright.
You see, they’re both the same, alright?
Now you take that end. You take that end.
I am a citizen of this country.
I can vote. I can choose.
I do not have to take this end!
Please, let me have that end.
‐Alright, fine, take this end. ‐Okay.
Happy?
Well, professionally, I, I can’t complain
and my personal life is pretty satisfying
and I’ve got a little money in the bank
so overall, I’m gonna say yes, I’m happy.
Glad to hear it.
‐I think spiritually, I’m‐‐ ‐Okay, ready? Here we go.
On the count of three, we’ll lift. Ready?
One, two, three, lift!
Now?
Yes, now.
[grunting]
And circle!
And swing it around. Just swing it on in.
Just swing it on in and into the elevator.
I knew I had the bad end.
Alright now, lift. Lift. Keep lifting.
‐Cousin, cousin, oh, cousin‐‐ ‐Lift it up. Lift it up.
‐Stop! Stop pushing! ‐Just lift. Keep lifting.
‐Ah! Ah! Stop pushing! ‐To the left! To the left!
Is it going? Th‐there! I think I feel it going!
There it goes. There it goes. You’ve got...
‐Ow! Ow! Ow! ‐’Stop pushing!’
[gasps]
Aah! Ah!
What is it? What’s wrong? What’s wrong?
‐Foot! ‐’Foot?’
‐Foot! ‐Oh, your foot!
[groans]
It’s caught under the couch!
You‐you’ve got to get it out from under the couch!
‐Ow, ow, ow. ‐Get it off!
Oh!
Are you alright?
[grunting]
‐Cousin, cousin. ‐Huh?
‐What is it? ‐Cousin, you know what?
You know what? This isn’t working.
I think you’re right.
Cousin, why we don’t just tell Mr. Wainwright
that the couch don’t fit in the elevator?
Balki, we are not quitters. We are not shirkers.
‐We are not slackers. ‐We are not movers.
Please, please, just... You’ve got to help me.
I’ve got to convince Mr. Wainwright
I am not an idiot.
Good luck.
I can’t believe he remembered the aquarium thing.
Cousin, I didn’t wanna say anything at the time
but that was pretty stupid.
Good thing for you, I had that snorkel in my desk.
And if you could be just as helpful this time
I’d appreciate it.
Okay.
You know, the thing is if we could just get rid
of the ceiling, the couch would fit in there.
That is the stupidest idea I have ever heard.
Balki, you’re a genius!
Kind of a mixed message, isn’t it?
Sort of like jumbo shrimp.
No, no, no, no.
Balki, Balki, that is a brilliant idea!
Uh, if the couch won’t fit into the elevator
we’ll put the couch on top of the elevator!
Was that my idea?
Funny, that don’t sound like me.
Just help me get the couch out of the elevator.
‐Well, I’m just taking‐‐ ‐You take that end.
‐I want this, this is my end. ‐Take that end.
Just take that end!
I haven’t even taken a look at this end.
Let me just check it out.
[grunting]
Now I have sent the elevator down one floor.
I’ll pry the doors open
and then we’ll load the couch on top of the elevator.
Cousin, since this was my idea, I hereby withdraw my idea.
Balki, it’ll be fine.
Now to make this work, we’re going to
have to stop the elevator on 15.
Yeah, but Mr. Wainwright’s office is, is on 16.
I know that, Balki, that is why we have to stop the elevator
at 15, so we can unload the couch at 16.
Now get on top of the elevator and help me pull the couch in.
I’m not gonna get on top of the elevator!
Just get on top of the elevator.
I’m not gonna get on top of the elevator.
Get on top of the elevator!
I’m not gonna get on top of the elevator!
Look it, I don’t even know if it can support my weight!
Get on top of the elevator and help me pull this couch in.
I don’t even know if it’s gonna su pport my weight.
Just get on top.
Ouch!
What if something goes wrong?
Don’t be silly. Nothing can go wrong.
You always say that right before things go wrong!
What are you talking about?
(Balki) ’Cousin, this has fish tank written all over it.’
[intense music]
Well, at least we learned the route.
‐Yes, yes, we did. ‐Hm.
And I have every reason to believe
it will go just as smoothly with the couch
on top of the elevator. Help me pick up the couch.
You know, this would never happen on Mypos.
‐Why, no elevators? ‐No, no couches.
It’s also the reason we have no talk shows.
Help me pick up the couch. You take that end.
‐I like this end. ‐You take that end.
‐That end stinks. ‐Take that end.
‐I’ve had that end. ‐Please, just take that end.
‐I wanna take this end. ‐Alright, alright, never mind.
I’ll do it myself. I’ll do it myself.
‐I’m gonna help you. ‐Aah!
Phase one, complete.
We are on our way to the top.
Correct me if I’m wrong, but don’t the phrase
on our way to the top imply movement?
Okay, I forgot to push the button.
Little snag, no big deal.
I’ll just climb down into the elevator
through this little trap door...
...press 15 and we’ll be on our way.
Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait, wait.
How come I, I can’t climb down through the little trap door?
Because someone has to stay up here with the couch.
[grunting]
Cousin, cousin, cousin.
I‐I, I‐I don’t wanna stay up here alone with the couch.
‐It’s scary. ‐Okay, okay, fine.
Ow. Ow.
I’ll stay up here with the couch.
You climb down into the elevator.
Alrighty.
Ooh.
I’m not staying up here.
It’s too scary.
We’ll both go down. You go down first. Go ahead.
Okay, I got ya. I got ya.
[thud]
(Balki) ’Oww!’
Okay, Phil, I just came up from the sub‐basement.
The elevator’s at the bottom of the shaft and it’s empty.
We’re ready for the test.
Let’s see how much punishment this baby can take.
[intense music]
‐’Okay, alright.’ ‐Okay.
‐I got you. ‐’Okay. okay.’
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
‐Yep, yep. ‐’Keep goin’.’
‐Hang on alright, good. ‐Okay, alright. Okey‐dokey.
‐Okay. Alright. Alright. ‐Okay.
‐Alright, just help me down. ‐Just let her drop.
‐Help me down. ‐Cousin, it’s one foot.
‐Help me down! ‐It’s a foot!
‐Just one foot! ‐Just help me down!
‐Just drop! Just let go! ‐Just help me!
‐Let go. Alright, alright. ‐Just help me...
[laughing]
Now I’ll just press 15 and we’ll be on our way.
Well, I’ll be snookered. It’s working.
I may just have to eat my worms.
‐Words. ‐Worms.
You might just have to eat your words.
Cousin, on Mypos, when you doubt someone
and later on you find out that they were right
you have to eat your worms.
They’re a good source of protein, but, uh...
...it’s a long, long time before you doubt someone again.
All connections and overrides have been made.
Let’s, uh, take it up to the tenth floor.
What was that?
‐We’ve stopped. ‐Yeah, I know that.
But we’re supposed to be going to floor number 15
and we’re only on number 10.
Something’s wrong.
Did it ever occur to you that maybe
someone pressed the button at 10 to get on?
Did it ever occur to you
that the usual sequence of elevator events
is someone pushes the button...
...the doors open and someone gets in?
What’s your point?
My point is the doors didn’t open. Something’s wrong!
Everything is fine.
I’ll just press the button and we’ll be on our way again.
Okay, let’s test the brakes.
Let it drop, uh, three floors.
Here we go.
[both screaming]
What was that?
I don’t know. But it seems to be over.
Let’s not dwell on it.
Let’s just get the hell out of here.
Okay, Phil, let’s really test the brakes.
Take her up 10 floors and drop her all the way down.
There.
Everything seems to be fine.
Everything seems to be fine to me.
Everything seem fine to you?
No.
Except I can take some small comfort
from having just figured out what is going on here.
‐You know what’s going on here? ‐Well, of course, I do.
Don’t be ridiculous.
This elevator is possessed.
What?
I saw the very same thing in a Stephen King movie once.
Only the elevator was a car
it didn’t have a couch on top of it and we weren’t in it.
But aside from that, it was the exact same thing
that’s happening here right now.
This elevator wants to kill us.
Next stop, hell!
Balki, that is the dumbest thing I have ever heard.
[both screaming]
[groaning]
Balki!
This elevator is possessed!
We’re gonna die!
I‐I hate this elevator! I hate it! I hate it!
I hate it! I hate...
You are hysterical. Now calm down. I’m going to handle this.
I’m going to talk to the elevator.
I have a way with mechanical objects.
Hello, Mr. Elevator.
May I call you Otis?
Otis, I know how you must feel.
All day long, up and down, up and down.
Everybody pushing your buttons.
But‐but, Otis, you’re taking it out on the wrong guys.
We usually take the stairs.
‐Now I was wondering‐‐ ‐Balki, wait a minute!
Elevators always have a phone!
Cousin, cousin, what a great idea
but, but who’s gonna call?
Nobody knows we’re here.
We are going to call out.
Oh, cousin, that is a good idea.
We’ll call Jennifer and Mary Anne
and say our last goodbye.
B‐Balki, we are gonna call out for help.
Cousin, we don’t have time for that.
We have to call our loved ones
and cancel our magazine subscriptions.
‐Give me that. ‐No, cousin. I’m calling.
‐I’m calling! ‐I am calling!
‐Cousin!
I will give you the phone
when I am finished with "Muppet Baby" magazine!
‐Give me that. ‐Cousin.
Not until I cancel "Kermit."
Oh, God.
The line’s been cut.
[grunting]
Phil, the override checks out.
The, uh, brakes seem okay, but I’m hearing
a kind of high‐pitched noise coming from the shaft.
[screaming]
I think it’s probably just the cables
but just to be safe, we should check the rate of climb.
Let’s, uh, see how fast we can get this baby to the top.
[intense music]
[grunting]
Balki, we’re moving, but we’re going much too fast.
What if it doesn’t stop? What‐what’ll happen to us?
Oh, it’ll stop, cousin, I guarantee that.
The top of the elevator shaft is reinforced concrete.
When we arrive, the car will smash
and we’ll be squashed like grapes.
This car will be no thicker than a deck of cards.
So you see, we will stop. Feel better?
Oh! Oh!
Cousin, would you mind choking me down there?
Because, you see, any second the couch is going to come
through the ceiling right above our heads.
[both screaming]
‐This is much better. ‐Thank you.
You’re welcome.
[crash]
Okay, elevator’s all yours, Mr. Wainwright.
Thank you.
‐Hi. ‐Hi.
‐How’s it goin’, cousin? ‐Pretty good, Balki.
I think I’ve figured out how I can get
my half of the money for Wainwright’s couch.
No vacation this year.
Uh, forget about new tires for my car.
And sell my bagpipes.
Well...
Alright, I’ll keep the bagpipes.
Where are you gonna get your half of the money?
Oh, that’s simple, cousin.
I’m just gonna dip into my
Cousin Larry Appleton Emergency Relief Fund.
What are you talking about?
Well, every time you try to impress Mr. Wainwright
lie to Jennifer or say I have a plan
I put a dollar into this fund.
‐Oh, really? ‐Mm‐hmm.
‐How much do you have? ‐Well, let’s see.
Three dollars, some Junior Mints and this.
A postcard of a golf course?
If you look down the ninth fairway
you’ll see the villa I own.
‐Next to the lake? ‐That’s my pool.
[theme music]