[theme song]
♪ Sometimes the world looks perfect ♪
♪ Nothing to rearrange ♪
♪ Sometimes you just get a feeling ♪
♪ Like you need some kind of change ♪
♪ No matter what the odds are this time ♪
♪ Nothing’s going to stand in my way ♪
♪ This flame in my heart ♪
♪ Like a long lost friend ♪
♪ Gives every dark street a light at the end ♪
♪ Standing tall ♪ ♪ Standing tall ♪
♪ On the wings of my dream ♪ ♪ Wings of my dream ♪
♪ Rise and fall ♪ ♪ Rise and fall ♪
♪ On the wings of my dream ♪ ♪ Wings of my dream ♪
♪ The rain and thunder the wind and haze ♪
♪ I’m bound for better days ♪ ♪ Ooh ooh ♪
♪ It’s my life and my dream ♪
♪ And nothing’s going to stop me now ♪
[instrumental music]
Cousin, cousin, cousin.
I’ve got some amazing news. You’d better sit down.
I am sitting.
Well, then stand up.
Alright, now sit down.
I have been waiting and waiting to find
just the right time to tell you.
Do you know how Ms. Lydia is always wanting
exciting new scripts for her theater group?
Mm‐hmm. Oh, don’t tell me you gave Lydia my play!
Okay, I won’t tell you, but then I won’t have any news.
You wanna make popcorn or...
Balki, I can’t believe you gave her my script
without my permission.
My play, "Wheat," is still a work in progress.
Oh, I’ll be humiliated!
The theater group will hate it!
I‐I’ll be a laughing stock!
Cousin, um, it opens on Friday.
They’ve been rehearsing for weeks.
Everyone loves it!
Well, of course they love it.
It’s a brilliant piece of writing.
Well, cousin, I’ve never actually read it
but as the author you’ll be particularly pleased to know
that the stage is brilliantly managed by me.
I’m the stage manager!
They forgot my name!
My‐my duties include opening and closing the curtain.
I’ve been practicing in the shower all week.
[upbeat music]
Cousin, cousin, come on.
I’m gonna give you...
I’m gonna give you a complete tour of the theater.
Now this...is the stage.
And, and these, these are the chairs.
And that’s...just about it.
Oh, hi, Larry! I love your play!
I bet you were really excited
when Balki told you we’re doing it?
I sure was.
You know, the play is, uh, somewhat autobiographical.
I based the character of Lawrence on, well...me.
Well, despite that opening night’s already sold out!
Cousin! Cousin, cousin, look! Look! See them two guys?
The guy on the left, he’s the director, Trevor McNeil.
’And the guy on the right is the star of the show’
Brad Oliver. You’ve seen him before!
‐I have? ‐Yes!
Last week at Little Tony’s Pasta Palace.
He was our waiter.
Okay, in this scene your brother, Billy
erupts in a fit of anger.
Now, Brad, your character of Lawrence
is‐is basically a buffoon.
So your underlying motivation is...
Bu...buffoonery?
Bravo, Brad! Yeah!
Thanks, Trevor, I’m depending on your guidance to help make
this Lawrence character a complete bonehead.
Good, good. And look, don’t let the words get in your way.
We can always change them later, huh?
Ho...ho...whoa, whoa, no!
No, no, no, no, you‐you can’t change the words.
The words are sacred.
‐Who are you? ‐I’m Larry Appleton.
The author of "Wheat."
And "Wheat" is perfect as it is.
Every word is in its proper place.
Oh, I see what’s going on here.
This is your first play
and you think you’ve written a masterpiece.
Well, I’ll tell you what, if you work real hard, maybe someday
you’ll have a career writing game show questions, huh?
Excuse me. Excuse me. Just a minute.
Cousin Larry happens to be a published writer.
He fills in the bubbles for the cartoon
"Dimitri’s World."
Ooh, that’s very impressive.
Now be a good little playwright and get off my stage.
You, sir, are theatrically illiterate!
I‐I‐I bet you thought that "The King And I"
was the story of Elvis and Priscilla!
You mean it’s not?
I don’t need this aggravation, huh?
I don’t need this play! I quit!
Well, good! Who needs him?
I do! He’s my ride!
I quit!
Well, well, you still want to put on this play, don’t you?
Boy, I’m guessing Trevor has a van.
Larry, I just ran into Trevor in the hall!
I cannot believe that you made him quit!
Well, then, so, you’ll get another director.
And then some more actors.
You can open in a couple months.
You know, that‐that would really help me out a lot.
It‐it would give me time to perfect my curtain‐closing.
Every time I practice in the shower, someone’s in it
and they scream and ruin my timing.
Well, I suppose we could postpone, but I‐I don’t know
if Clive Rich will be available in two months.
Clive Ric... Cli... Clive Rich?
The Clive Rich was going to review my play?
He was going to be here on opening night
but now I’ll just have to call him and tell him it’s off.
No, wait, Lydia! Don’t‐don’t call anyone.
You‐you know the old show business saying?
Feed a cold, starve an actor?
No, it’s, "The show must go on."
And it will.
I will be the director and I, Larry Appleton
will star in "Wheat."
[upbeat music]
Alright! Alright, everybody!
People! People! Gather around! Here we go. Okay.
I know it’s only a few days until we open
but I’ve been up all night rewriting "Wheat."
So that the five of us can handle it, alright?
Now, I will play Lawrence, the lead role and narrator.
Balki, you will be my brother, Billy.
Jennifer...Lois.
Mary Anne...Bobbi Sue.
And Lydia...the Apple Lady.
Larry, we have never acted.
We’re gonna make fools of ourselves.
The only thing I ever acted in was the sixth grade
hygiene pageant.
I played Little Miss Gingivitis.
There is nothing to worry about. I will guide you through.
I know everything there is to know about the theater.
In college, I was the head ticket taker.
So that’s why they called you Stubby.
Larry, I just read the description of Lois.
And when we get through this, we’re going to have a nice
long discussion about why you think your wife
should play your mother.
What about... W‐w‐we’ll talk about it later.
Why don’t you go with Lydia and Mary Anne
learn the lines for the wheatfield scene
and Balki and I will start rehearsal on stage.
At least in this play I won’t be washed off
the stage by a giant Waterpik.
Cousin, um, I have two small problems.
I’ll give you the big one first.
If I play your brother, Billy
how am I gonna still be able to pull the curtain?
I’ve got a lot of time invested in that.
You can still pull the curtain.
‐Really? Okay. ‐Yes.
Now, what’s your second problem?
I don’t think I can play your brother, Billy.
Why not?
Well, because Billy in the script
is a mean, angry person
and I don’t think I can be someone mean and angry.
It’s too different from what I am.
So, um, I was thinking
maybe if Billy was an immigrant mail boy
who now draws a cartoon...
‐I think I could get that. ‐Okay.
Balki, you don’t have to be a mean person
to act a mean character in a play.
See, you just, you just have to think of a mean person
and then you become that person.
You think of a mean person, and you become that person.
So just, just think of somebody who is really mean.
I don’t know anyone really mean.
Sure you do. Uh, uh, wait, oh, wait.
You were always telling me back on Mypos
there‐there was a bully.
He used to always steal your lunch
when you were going over Goat Water Bridge to get to school?
Uh, Brunos.
I can’t talk about that, cousin.
‐I‐I‐I‐I still get nightmares. ‐No, it’s alright, alright.
You, you, you don’t have to think about
what he did to you.
Just‐just think about who he was.
Just‐just describe him. Hmm?
Well...
‐He was as big as an ox. ‐Mm‐hmm.
‐He was as strong as an ox. ‐Mm‐hmm.
‐He smelled like an ox. ‐Mm‐hmm.
W‐wait a minute.
He was an Ox. I’m thinking of the family Ox, Mikey.
Brunos. Think of Brunos. Think of Brunos.
Oh! Yeah.
‐I got him. I got him. ‐Okay, alright, alright.
Alright. Just‐just describe him.
What‐what‐what did he sound like?
When he talked, it was like thunder.
Mm‐hmm, okay, okay. How did he move?
When he walked, the whole island shook.
He wasn’t invited out very often.
He wasn’t invited out very often?
‐No. ‐Why not?
Because he was big and smelly and scary.
And have you ever thought how that made him feel?
‐Angry! ‐Mm‐hmm.
‐Angry! ‐Alright. Good! Good!
‐Become Brunos! ‐Ah!
It’s Friday night and I’m all alone.
And I smell bad!
Great! Great! You’re doing great!
You’re doing great! Oh!
Alright, alright. Now, come on, let’s just, let’s just
try it with the lines, okay?
‐Okay. ‐Alright, alright. Here we go.
‐Yeah. Okay. ‐Here we go. Alright.
‐Angry, angry. ‐Angry!
‐Good! Okay, okay. Alright. ‐Yeah.
"Billy, who parked the thresher down by Old Creek Road?"
"I did. What are you going to do about it?"
No, no, no. You lost the anger.
You lost the anger. It all went right out the window.
Alright, what you have to do...
You have to retain the anger when you say the lines.
Alright, alright, what we need is a word...
...that will help you to become Brunos.
A key word that will set off your memory of Brunos
when he was at his meanest.
Alright, alright. Where would you see Brunos?
Uh...well, uh, when I was on my way to school.
And you’d be on your way to school.
‐Yeah, I‐I‐I‐I would have‐‐ ‐You’d have your lunch.
I’d have my lunch, and‐and I’d be crossing over the‐the bridge.
Path to school. Okay, alright.
[snaps fingers] I’ve got it. Lunch.
Bridge.
Alright... Uh, uh, school.
Bridge.
Alright, alright. Path.
Bridge!
Bridge! Bridge!
I’ve got it. Bridge!
[screaming]
Great! Great! You’re doing great!
Yes! Yes! Yes! Alright! Alright!
Every time you hear that word you will become Brunos!
Now, we can put that word anywhere in the script!
Alright, come on. Let’s try it with the lines.
‐Okay. ‐Here we go. Here we go.
Come on, come on. One more time. Here we go. Alright, ready?
‐Yeah. Okay. ‐Alright, here we go.
"Billy, who parked the thresher down by Old Creek...Bridge?"
"I did! What are you gonna do about it?"
[instrumental music]
"Wheat."
Miles and miles of wheat.
In an era of depression and hardship
there emerged a young man struggling to save his family
from a failed wheat crop and economic decline.
All while trying to realize his dream of becoming an author.
I’m Lawrence, and this is my story...
"...Wheat."
This is my mother. Ma.
Ma was a hard‐working woman
who paid the price of pioneer life.
Her face was as dry and cracked as the drought‐ridden earth.
She was 40, but looked 60.
Every afternoon, Ma summoned me to supper
with her pleasant, almost melodic voice.
Come and get it, Lawrence.
But she wasn’t feeling well today.
Bu‐but no matter how she felt
Ma was always waiting there to greet me with a hug.
Except Tuesday.
There was no hugging on Tuesdays.
‐We always used to enjoy‐‐ ‐Hello, Lawrence.
‐It is I, your brother, Billy! ‐Not now! Not now!
Get off the stage! Not now! Go, go, go, go! Go away! Go away!
We always used to enjoy a visit‐‐
[blabbering]
We always used to enjoy...a visit from...
...from the Apple Lady.
One of the Apple Lady’s favorite activities was to gossip.
Once she started talking there was no stopping her.
So, Apple Lady, what’s new?
Well...
So, Apple Lady...what’s new?
Lydia. Lydia.
One of the Apple Lady’s second favorite activities
was to come into a room and stand there like a stone.
Mary Anne?
Hello, Lawrence! It is I, your brother, Billy!
Not now, not yet! No! Get Mary Anne!
Some of my fondest memories were of my sweetheart love
Bobbi Sue. Hi, Bobbi Sue!
Hi, Lawrence!
Bobbi Sue was very considerate.
She always brought over a bottle of fresh milk from her cow
Bessie.
I couldn’t find the milk.
Lawrence, may I pour you a tall, cold glass of...
Oh, now that doesn’t work at all, does it?
And so Bobbi Sue and Ma
moved to the big city.
And they took the Apple Lady with them
to use as a doorstop.
And‐and with Ma and the, and the rest of them gone
I was able to spend time alone with my brother, Billy.
My brother, Billy!
Hello, Lawrence, it is I, your brother, Billy!
On the surface, Billy was a... Oh, God!
On the surface, Billy was a...
On the surface, Billy was a good kid
but underneath there lurked a time bomb
waiting to explode.
So, Billy
who parked the thresher down by Old Creek Bridge?
I did! What are you gonna do about it, huh?
Nothing! Nothing! I’m sorry I asked!
‐You’re doing great! ‐Oh, thank you.
I‐I’ve been practicing.
Sure, Billy had his problems.
Heck, we all had our problems
but he was able to bridge that gap.
’Sometimes...Billy could be an understanding’
kind, thoughtful and filled with compassion.
A caring brother.
Whose only thought was the happiness of his family.
Wherever Billy went there was only love.
Shut up and give me your lunch!
[screaming]
I guess today’s the day that Billy goes off to college!
Bye, Billy! Write! He never will.
Oh...so, where, where was I? Oh, um...
Wheat.
Aha!
Spring break already?
Calm down, Balki.
Billy had trouble adjusting to college.
And like many struggling freshman
he developed a bizarre furniture throwing disorder.
Ah!
Sure, sure, there were barriers between us.
But Billy was always able to tear ’em down. Oh, God.
Now you’re going off the bridge!
[screaming]
(female #1) ’Curtain!’
Curtain? That’s my job!
[upbeat music]
Now let’s get you comfortable.
Cousin, I’m... Cousin, I‐I’m sorry I threw you off the stage.
I’ll never forgive myself for causing you to black out
and miss my curtain closing.
Oh, no, no, no, Mary Anne, Mary Anne
that‐that’s gonna be too high.
Oh!
No, Mary Anne, Mary Anne, that’s the good cushion, don’t do that.
Here, let’s try this one, okay?
Okay. Oh!
Oh...I know, I know. I did it again.
I couldn’t leave well enough alone.
If I hadn’t taken over the play
and insisted on doing it my way, everything would have been fine.
Oh, now, come on, cousin. Don’t be so hard on yourself.
‐Larry? ‐’Uh‐huh.’
Are, are you ready to read the review yet?
Oh, no, no, please.
I‐I don’t want to hear anything that‐that reminds me of "Wheat."
I‐I mean, I’m‐I’m just glad the whole thing is‐is over and done.
As far as I’m concerned it’s just all water under the bridge.
[screaming]
[theme music]