1
00:00:01,535 --> 00:00:04,037
[theme music]

2
00:00:11,477 --> 00:00:13,680
♪ Sometimes the world
looks perfect ♪

3
00:00:15,181 --> 00:00:17,718
♪ Nothing to rearrange ♪

4
00:00:17,751 --> 00:00:20,787
♪ Sometimes you just
get a feeling ♪

5
00:00:20,821 --> 00:00:23,624
♪ Like you need
some kind of change ♪

6
00:00:25,325 --> 00:00:28,729
♪ No matter what
the odds are this time ♪

7
00:00:28,762 --> 00:00:31,131
♪ Nothing’s going
to stand in my way ♪

8
00:00:31,164 --> 00:00:32,733
♪ This flame in my heart ♪

9
00:00:32,766 --> 00:00:34,535
♪ Like a long lost friend ♪

10
00:00:34,568 --> 00:00:37,804
♪ Gives every dark street
a light at the end ♪

11
00:00:39,673 --> 00:00:44,745
♪ Standing tall
on the wings of my dream ♪

12
00:00:46,547 --> 00:00:51,518
♪ Rise and fall
on the wings of my dream ♪

13
00:00:53,219 --> 00:00:54,621
♪ Rain and thunder ♪

14
00:00:54,655 --> 00:00:56,289
♪ Wind and haze ♪

15
00:00:56,322 --> 00:00:58,324
♪ I’m bound for better days ♪

16
00:01:00,126 --> 00:01:03,163
♪ It’s my life and my dream ♪

17
00:01:03,196 --> 00:01:05,566
♪ Nothing’s gonna
stop me now ♪

18
00:01:16,577 --> 00:01:18,712
[instrumental music]

19
00:01:27,621 --> 00:01:30,323
Well, this is the biggest joke
in the world.

20
00:01:30,356 --> 00:01:31,592
What is?

21
00:01:31,625 --> 00:01:33,359
Wainwright has got
some psychiatrist

22
00:01:33,393 --> 00:01:35,395
doing a stress evaluation
with the printers.

23
00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:38,865
[laughing]

24
00:01:41,935 --> 00:01:44,337
That is the biggest joke
in the world.

25
00:01:44,370 --> 00:01:47,240
I‐I, I, I love it. I’m just not
quite clear on the punchline.

26
00:01:49,610 --> 00:01:51,578
What I’m trying to tell you
is that Wainwright

27
00:01:51,612 --> 00:01:52,913
volunteered to help some doctor

28
00:01:52,946 --> 00:01:55,315
who’s doing a stress test
with the printers.

29
00:01:55,348 --> 00:01:57,283
The printers aren’t
under any stress at all!

30
00:01:57,317 --> 00:01:58,852
[laughing]

31
00:02:02,689 --> 00:02:04,591
Appleton, Bartokomous

32
00:02:04,625 --> 00:02:07,460
I’m gonna need your Dimitri
cartoon one day early this week.

33
00:02:07,493 --> 00:02:08,829
We’re trying a new format
on the Sunday paper.

34
00:02:08,862 --> 00:02:10,531
Well, you can count on us, sir.

35
00:02:10,564 --> 00:02:12,566
And may I compliment you
on your selection

36
00:02:12,599 --> 00:02:14,434
of the printers
for the stress evaluation?

37
00:02:14,467 --> 00:02:15,769
They’re under a lot of pressure
down there.

38
00:02:15,802 --> 00:02:17,738
[laughing]

39
00:02:20,473 --> 00:02:21,642
Of course, it doesn’t
come anywhere near

40
00:02:21,675 --> 00:02:24,410
the level of stress we have
up here in the nerve center.

41
00:02:24,444 --> 00:02:26,179
[laughing]

42
00:02:27,881 --> 00:02:28,882
He’s killing me.

43
00:02:32,619 --> 00:02:33,920
Well, I guess
we’ve become somewhat, uh

44
00:02:33,954 --> 00:02:36,289
experts at, uh, managing stress.

45
00:02:36,322 --> 00:02:38,358
Appleton, you’ve given me
an excellent idea.

46
00:02:38,391 --> 00:02:39,526
Well, just part of my job, sir.

47
00:02:41,261 --> 00:02:43,897
And, uh, what idea
would that be, sir?

48
00:02:43,930 --> 00:02:45,532
The idea is to forget
the printers.

49
00:02:45,566 --> 00:02:46,767
I’m gonna send
the doctor up here

50
00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:48,835
to the nerve center
to talk with the experts.

51
00:02:52,806 --> 00:02:54,575
‐What have I done?
‐I have no idea.

52
00:02:54,608 --> 00:02:56,677
But you were on a roll, buddy.

53
00:02:57,978 --> 00:02:58,979
I think, I just got everybody

54
00:02:59,012 --> 00:03:02,415
in the City Room
volunteered for a stress test.

55
00:03:02,448 --> 00:03:04,450
‐That could be fun.
‐No, it’s not gonna be fun.

56
00:03:04,484 --> 00:03:06,286
Balki, there’s gonna be
some psychiatrist up here

57
00:03:06,319 --> 00:03:08,421
trying to find out
everything we’re thinking.

58
00:03:08,454 --> 00:03:10,891
Well, uh, that might be
possible with you, cousin

59
00:03:10,924 --> 00:03:13,493
but I don’t think
he can do that to me.

60
00:03:13,527 --> 00:03:16,930
Most of the time,
I don’t know what I’m thinking.

61
00:03:16,963 --> 00:03:19,900
I mean, sometimes I think
I know what I’m thinking

62
00:03:19,933 --> 00:03:24,638
and then I start to try to think
about what I’m thinking

63
00:03:24,671 --> 00:03:27,373
and just when I think
the thought that I think

64
00:03:27,407 --> 00:03:30,310
I’m thinking...
the thought is gone.

65
00:03:32,913 --> 00:03:34,314
What are we talking about?

66
00:03:36,282 --> 00:03:37,183
We, uh, a, wait.

67
00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:40,320
We’re talking
about the psychiatrist.

68
00:03:40,353 --> 00:03:41,655
‐The psychiatrist‐‐
‐Oh, the psychiatrist.

69
00:03:41,688 --> 00:03:43,924
Do you see the way
your mind wanders?

70
00:03:45,992 --> 00:03:47,327
No, hey, no, Balki.

71
00:03:47,360 --> 00:03:48,428
Balki, no, see, see

72
00:03:48,461 --> 00:03:50,330
that is just what is going
to get you into trouble.

73
00:03:50,363 --> 00:03:51,898
You have to be very careful

74
00:03:51,932 --> 00:03:54,000
what you say
to the psychiatrist, okay?

75
00:03:54,034 --> 00:03:55,168
Because he’s gonna take
everything you say

76
00:03:55,201 --> 00:03:58,705
and, and twist it and,
and turn it and, and think that

77
00:03:58,739 --> 00:04:00,507
just because your,
your brother Billy

78
00:04:00,541 --> 00:04:02,308
was your dad’s favorite
that you’re bitter and neurotic.

79
00:04:02,342 --> 00:04:03,476
Well, it’s not true, I tell you.

80
00:04:03,510 --> 00:04:06,379
And, and I just never had
the chance to show dad that I...

81
00:04:06,412 --> 00:04:09,616
Cousin, cousin, listen, cousin.
Cousin, it’s okay.

82
00:04:09,650 --> 00:04:11,384
It’s alright. It’s alright.

83
00:04:11,417 --> 00:04:14,054
It’s alright, now, now,
just don’t‐don’t worry about

84
00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:16,623
your brother Billy
and don’t worry about me

85
00:04:16,657 --> 00:04:18,324
because when the psychiatrist
comes to talk to me

86
00:04:18,358 --> 00:04:19,693
I’m just gonna be myself.

87
00:04:19,726 --> 00:04:20,894
‐You’re just gonna be myself.
‐You’re just gonna be yourself?

88
00:04:20,927 --> 00:04:22,028
I’m just gonna be myself.

89
00:04:22,062 --> 00:04:23,764
Let me tell you
something, Balki.

90
00:04:23,797 --> 00:04:25,932
You have gotta tell these people
exactly what they want to hear.

91
00:04:25,966 --> 00:04:27,701
Whatever you do,
do not speak Myposian.

92
00:04:27,734 --> 00:04:28,869
‐Why not?
‐No, not a word.

93
00:04:28,902 --> 00:04:31,505
‐It’s a noble language.
‐No, not a word of Myposian.

94
00:04:31,538 --> 00:04:33,840
No, no, none of this oh!
Po, po, po, po, po, po.

95
00:04:33,874 --> 00:04:34,908
’Boing‐boing‐boing.’

96
00:04:34,941 --> 00:04:36,843
Diggi, diggi, diggi,
diggi, diggi, diggi, diggi.

97
00:04:36,877 --> 00:04:39,379
Boochi, boochi, boochi!

98
00:04:40,346 --> 00:04:41,347
Excuse me!

99
00:04:42,649 --> 00:04:46,052
I don’t want to interrupt
your...chant.

100
00:04:46,086 --> 00:04:48,855
Uh, I’m Dr. Michael Aldrich.

101
00:04:48,889 --> 00:04:50,791
Mr. Wainwright sent me up here.

102
00:04:50,824 --> 00:04:53,927
Oh! Oh! That right, Dr. Aldrich.

103
00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:57,430
[laughing]
Oh, no. No, no, not a chant.

104
00:04:57,463 --> 00:05:01,434
Hello, hello,
I’m Balki Bartokomous and...

105
00:05:01,467 --> 00:05:03,069
And this my‐my cousin,
Larry Appleton.

106
00:05:03,103 --> 00:05:04,304
And, uh...

107
00:05:05,706 --> 00:05:07,641
I wouldn’t bring up
his brother, Billy.

108
00:05:10,476 --> 00:05:12,546
I’m just gonna ask
a few questions

109
00:05:12,579 --> 00:05:14,681
do some word association,
show you some ink blots

110
00:05:14,715 --> 00:05:16,416
and ask for your
interpretations.

111
00:05:16,449 --> 00:05:17,984
[instrumental music]

112
00:05:18,852 --> 00:05:20,320
Alright, Larry.

113
00:05:21,888 --> 00:05:22,956
What do you see?

114
00:05:24,558 --> 00:05:26,660
Man’s, uh, relentless quest

115
00:05:26,693 --> 00:05:30,396
to return to and liberate
the child within, as I have.

116
00:05:32,065 --> 00:05:33,499
Butterfly.

117
00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:37,704
And what do you see in this one?

118
00:05:37,738 --> 00:05:39,940
Man in turmoil,
uh, struggling to reach

119
00:05:39,973 --> 00:05:42,909
the level of inner peace I have.

120
00:05:44,745 --> 00:05:45,812
Bowling ball.

121
00:05:48,615 --> 00:05:51,451
Now, we’re going to do
some word association.

122
00:05:51,484 --> 00:05:52,986
I’ll say a word,
you say the first thing

123
00:05:53,019 --> 00:05:54,621
that comes in your head.

124
00:05:54,655 --> 00:05:56,089
Boy.

125
00:05:56,122 --> 00:05:58,759
Young, well‐adjusted
urban warrior with a vision

126
00:05:58,792 --> 00:06:00,994
desire to help others
on his road toward adulthood.

127
00:06:03,029 --> 00:06:04,030
Girl.

128
00:06:05,999 --> 00:06:07,467
‐Career.
‐Struggling, clutching.

129
00:06:07,501 --> 00:06:08,535
Climbing, always trying to reach
the next rung

130
00:06:08,569 --> 00:06:09,836
of the corporate ladder

131
00:06:09,870 --> 00:06:12,005
all while being a loyal soldier
to Mr. Wainwright, which I am.

132
00:06:13,039 --> 00:06:15,175
Job.

133
00:06:15,208 --> 00:06:18,745
Now, there’s just one more area
that I’d like to cover.

134
00:06:18,779 --> 00:06:21,047
I understand
that even though you’re married

135
00:06:21,081 --> 00:06:22,983
your cousin
still lives with you.

136
00:06:23,016 --> 00:06:24,918
Tell me about that.

137
00:06:24,951 --> 00:06:26,787
Oh, I do, uh, well,
no, no, that’s...

138
00:06:26,820 --> 00:06:28,922
I know that it may seem
a little peculiar but, uh...

139
00:06:28,955 --> 00:06:30,991
No, uh, well, uh...
I had no choice.

140
00:06:31,024 --> 00:06:33,694
Because, well‐well,
to be‐be perfectly honest

141
00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:36,062
uh, he’s,
he’s helpless without me.

142
00:06:37,831 --> 00:06:40,667
Cousin Larry said that
he needed help with the rent

143
00:06:40,701 --> 00:06:43,904
but to tell you the truth
he’s...helpless without me.

144
00:06:45,906 --> 00:06:48,842
[instrumental music]

145
00:06:54,581 --> 00:06:56,082
Bartokomous, Appleton.

146
00:06:56,116 --> 00:06:59,653
‐Hi, Mr. Wainwright.
‐Yes, sir, Mr. Wainwright.

147
00:06:59,686 --> 00:07:01,722
I just finished talking
with Dr. Aldrich.

148
00:07:01,755 --> 00:07:04,925
And he’s given me some
very constructive ideas

149
00:07:04,958 --> 00:07:06,727
about changes
I could make around here.

150
00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:09,863
Well, you know, I was pretty
impressed with him myself.

151
00:07:09,896 --> 00:07:14,467
Dr. Aldrich, uh, found you two
very, um, interesting.

152
00:07:14,501 --> 00:07:18,171
Uh, in fact, he’s so impressed
by you that he wants both of you

153
00:07:18,204 --> 00:07:20,140
to do further stress testing
at his clinic.

154
00:07:20,173 --> 00:07:21,742
Be there tomorrow morning
at nine.

155
00:07:23,777 --> 00:07:25,211
Cousin, did you hear that?

156
00:07:25,245 --> 00:07:27,914
We get to go down to the clinic
for further testing!

157
00:07:27,948 --> 00:07:30,617
Oh, I’m so excited!

158
00:07:30,651 --> 00:07:32,819
I don’t know about you but I’m
not gonna sleep a wink tonight.

159
00:07:32,853 --> 00:07:36,056
What am I gonna wear?
What am I gonna wear?

160
00:07:36,089 --> 00:07:37,591
Oh, I guess, we shouldn’t flaunt

161
00:07:37,624 --> 00:07:39,693
our good fortune
in front of the others.

162
00:07:41,261 --> 00:07:43,764
I knew it. I knew it.

163
00:07:43,797 --> 00:07:44,898
Dr. Aldrich found something

164
00:07:44,931 --> 00:07:47,601
to make him think
that we’re unstable, the quack.

165
00:07:48,869 --> 00:07:49,770
What did you tell him?

166
00:07:49,803 --> 00:07:51,872
Did you tell him
about the Dance of Joy?

167
00:07:51,905 --> 00:07:54,675
Tell him about it?
I taught it to him.

168
00:07:54,708 --> 00:07:56,677
He did this snappy little
knee‐jerk thing

169
00:07:56,710 --> 00:07:57,878
with a little rotation up here.

170
00:07:57,911 --> 00:07:59,045
I’m gonna have you try it.

171
00:07:59,079 --> 00:08:01,815
Balki, Balki. Don’t you see
what’s going on here?

172
00:08:01,848 --> 00:08:03,817
When Wainwright said he’s,
he’s gonna make some changes

173
00:08:03,850 --> 00:08:05,786
around here,
what‐what he means is that

174
00:08:05,819 --> 00:08:08,522
he’s gonna find out who can’t
handle stress and fire them.

175
00:08:08,555 --> 00:08:10,624
And I’m gonna be
one of the first ones to go.

176
00:08:10,657 --> 00:08:12,192
[instrumental music]

177
00:08:18,264 --> 00:08:20,834
[instrumental music]

178
00:08:34,047 --> 00:08:36,617
So, this is the clinic.

179
00:08:36,650 --> 00:08:39,319
It’s even more wonderful
than I dreamed.

180
00:08:39,352 --> 00:08:42,088
So much formica
and simulated wood.

181
00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:50,030
Well, I‐I, I don’t
have to work at the paper.

182
00:08:52,065 --> 00:08:53,534
I could cut hair.

183
00:08:55,001 --> 00:08:58,138
My Uncle Bud had a barbershop,
did‐did well.

184
00:08:58,171 --> 00:09:00,273
And my Uncle Ed
sold meat door‐to‐door

185
00:09:00,306 --> 00:09:01,975
always made a very nice living.

186
00:09:02,008 --> 00:09:03,577
Cousin.

187
00:09:03,610 --> 00:09:06,012
Cousin, listen.
This is not necessary.

188
00:09:06,046 --> 00:09:08,649
You’re not going to
lose your job.

189
00:09:08,682 --> 00:09:12,218
And can we please
just be adults about this?

190
00:09:13,987 --> 00:09:15,589
Popsicle sticks!

191
00:09:21,728 --> 00:09:24,097
No, no, Balki,
those are not popsicle sticks.

192
00:09:24,130 --> 00:09:25,632
Those are tongue depressors.

193
00:09:25,666 --> 00:09:28,201
Well, of course they are,
don’t be ridiculous.

194
00:09:29,235 --> 00:09:31,171
After the popsicle’s gone...

195
00:09:31,204 --> 00:09:32,973
...your tongue gets depressed.

196
00:09:38,712 --> 00:09:39,846
Hello, Larry, Balki.

197
00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:41,114
Dr. Mike!

198
00:09:42,716 --> 00:09:43,917
[both chuckle]

199
00:09:43,950 --> 00:09:45,285
Well, are you ready
to get started?

200
00:09:45,318 --> 00:09:46,887
Dr. Mike, before we get started

201
00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:49,623
I just got to hear
your duck imitation.

202
00:09:49,656 --> 00:09:50,891
‐My duck imitation?
‐Yeah.

203
00:09:50,924 --> 00:09:52,659
Cousin Larry says
you’re a big quack.

204
00:09:57,864 --> 00:10:01,735
‐Will you stop it?
‐Ow! Ow!

205
00:10:01,768 --> 00:10:04,304
He’s, he’s a little
nervous about the test.

206
00:10:06,272 --> 00:10:07,307
Oh!

207
00:10:07,340 --> 00:10:09,943
Look, cousin, chest watches.

208
00:10:11,878 --> 00:10:13,379
What these devices will do is

209
00:10:13,413 --> 00:10:16,082
measure the amount of stress
that your body is feeling.

210
00:10:16,116 --> 00:10:17,751
Please, be seated.

211
00:10:17,784 --> 00:10:20,386
We’re just gonna ask you
to perform a few simple tasks.

212
00:10:20,420 --> 00:10:22,022
There’s no right or wrong way
to do them.

213
00:10:22,055 --> 00:10:23,189
No passing or failing.

214
00:10:23,223 --> 00:10:24,991
Just do your best.

215
00:10:28,194 --> 00:10:29,229
[door closes]

216
00:10:29,262 --> 00:10:30,664
No passing or failing.

217
00:10:30,697 --> 00:10:33,233
We’re going to be graded
on everything we do.

218
00:10:33,266 --> 00:10:36,002
Oh, come on, cousin,
Dr. Mike left the room.

219
00:10:36,036 --> 00:10:38,271
We can do anything we want
in this palace of fun.

220
00:10:38,304 --> 00:10:39,372
I’m so excited.

221
00:10:40,941 --> 00:10:42,976
Balki, we cannot do
anything we want.

222
00:10:43,009 --> 00:10:47,080
Dr. Mike is gonna be watching us
from behind the mirror.

223
00:10:47,113 --> 00:10:48,849
Get out of the city.

224
00:10:50,450 --> 00:10:52,986
There’s no room
behind that mirror.

225
00:10:53,019 --> 00:10:56,156
It’s just right up
against the wall.

226
00:10:56,189 --> 00:10:59,292
No, Balky, there is another room
on the other side of the mirror.

227
00:10:59,325 --> 00:11:02,162
He can see us,
but we can’t see him.

228
00:11:02,195 --> 00:11:03,864
‐Really?
‐’Yes.’

229
00:11:06,933 --> 00:11:08,669
And stretch!

230
00:11:12,506 --> 00:11:13,774
‐Balki!.
‐What?

231
00:11:15,175 --> 00:11:16,777
He is watching us
from over there.

232
00:11:16,810 --> 00:11:20,180
He is going to be evaluating
everything we do.

233
00:11:20,213 --> 00:11:23,083
You know, and‐and, and
without even knowing it

234
00:11:23,116 --> 00:11:28,689
we could be revealing our,
our deepest inner most thoughts.

235
00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:31,357
Will you stop it?

236
00:11:32,893 --> 00:11:34,060
What’s the matter with you?

237
00:11:34,094 --> 00:11:37,097
Oh, God! Look! I’m‐I’m already
registering stress!

238
00:11:37,130 --> 00:11:38,398
‐Cousin, cousin...
‐I’m failing the test.

239
00:11:38,431 --> 00:11:40,934
Calm down. Calm down.
Calm down. Calm down.

240
00:11:40,967 --> 00:11:43,203
Remember. Remember your
"Think and Grow Calm" tapes?

241
00:11:43,236 --> 00:11:44,104
‐Yeah.
‐Well, now.

242
00:11:44,137 --> 00:11:45,806
Just remember,
you take a deep breath.

243
00:11:45,839 --> 00:11:47,473
[inhales]

244
00:11:47,508 --> 00:11:49,009
‐Ah!
‐Repeat after me.

245
00:11:49,042 --> 00:11:51,444
I am a Halloween.

246
00:11:51,477 --> 00:11:54,014
‐I am a Halloween.
‐No, no, no.

247
00:11:54,047 --> 00:11:56,316
It’s not "I am a Halloween."

248
00:11:56,349 --> 00:11:59,252
It’s "I am a hollow reed."

249
00:12:02,055 --> 00:12:04,958
Well, that makes absolutely
no sense whatsoever.

250
00:12:04,991 --> 00:12:07,427
But if it works for you,
go with it.

251
00:12:07,460 --> 00:12:08,962
I am a hollow reed.

252
00:12:08,995 --> 00:12:10,931
I am a hollow reed.

253
00:12:10,964 --> 00:12:14,300
Trouble blows through me
like the wind.

254
00:12:14,334 --> 00:12:17,070
Alright. We’re going to begin
with a simple task.

255
00:12:17,103 --> 00:12:18,539
Please, be seated.

256
00:12:18,572 --> 00:12:21,875
Oh. You know, I decided
I like this seat because it’s...

257
00:12:21,908 --> 00:12:24,845
(Dr. Mike)
’Assemble the puzzle of
the United States on the table.’

258
00:12:24,878 --> 00:12:28,114
‐You have one minute. Begin.
‐Alright, alright, Balki.

259
00:12:28,148 --> 00:12:29,349
You start with East Coast,
work your way this way

260
00:12:29,382 --> 00:12:30,884
I’ll start with the West Coast
and work my way that way.

261
00:12:30,917 --> 00:12:32,185
Come on.
No, no. I don’t know.

262
00:12:32,218 --> 00:12:34,187
‐I don’t want to have a plan.
‐Just start on the East Coast.

263
00:12:34,220 --> 00:12:35,421
‐And work your way this way.
‐No. I don’t want to have.

264
00:12:35,455 --> 00:12:37,490
Cousin, I want to be
here with the farms

265
00:12:37,524 --> 00:12:38,525
where people have
nice braids and‐‐

266
00:12:38,559 --> 00:12:39,359
Alright, alright, Balki,
I’ll start on the coasts

267
00:12:39,392 --> 00:12:41,094
and work my way in,
and you start

268
00:12:41,127 --> 00:12:42,228
in the middle
and work your way out.

269
00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:43,329
Oh, come on, cousin.
No, look.

270
00:12:43,363 --> 00:12:44,397
Balki, if we don’t do this

271
00:12:44,430 --> 00:12:45,532
I’m gonna lose my job!

272
00:12:45,566 --> 00:12:47,067
Oh, cousin, for goodness sake.

273
00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:48,168
Let’s make a game out of it.

274
00:12:48,201 --> 00:12:49,836
Balki, we have wasted
15 seconds.

275
00:12:49,870 --> 00:12:51,171
We’ve only got 45 seconds left.

276
00:12:51,204 --> 00:12:53,073
Cousin, cousin, look,
the only way

277
00:12:53,106 --> 00:12:55,876
to accomplish a difficult task
is to make it fun, okay?

278
00:12:55,909 --> 00:12:58,078
California!
Where is California?

279
00:12:58,111 --> 00:13:00,914
♪ California here I come ♪

280
00:13:00,947 --> 00:13:03,116
♪ Right back where
I started from ♪

281
00:13:03,149 --> 00:13:04,417
Start in the middle
of the country.

282
00:13:06,386 --> 00:13:11,825
♪ There’s a yellow rose of Texas
that I am gonna see ♪

283
00:13:11,858 --> 00:13:16,797
♪ Oh the sun shines bright
on my old Kentucky home ♪

284
00:13:18,331 --> 00:13:21,535
♪ Oh I come from Alabama
with a banjo on my knee ♪

285
00:13:21,568 --> 00:13:25,005
♪ I’m goin’ to Louisiana
my true love for to see ♪

286
00:13:25,038 --> 00:13:28,074
♪ Oh Susannah
don’t you cry for me ♪

287
00:13:28,108 --> 00:13:31,044
♪ For I come from Alabama
with a banjo on my knee ♪

288
00:13:31,077 --> 00:13:37,217
♪ Carry me back
to old Virginny ♪

289
00:13:37,250 --> 00:13:38,919
Alright, Balki, we just need
New York. Where’s New York?

290
00:13:38,952 --> 00:13:40,053
‐Where is New York?
‐Just find New York.

291
00:13:40,086 --> 00:13:41,254
I’ll‐I’ll do the rest.
You just find New York.

292
00:13:41,287 --> 00:13:42,322
Find New York. Go on.

293
00:13:42,355 --> 00:13:43,389
If I can make it there

294
00:13:43,423 --> 00:13:44,290
then I’ll make it anywhere.

295
00:13:44,324 --> 00:13:46,827
It’s up to you!
New York! New York!

296
00:13:49,663 --> 00:13:54,000
♪ These vagabond shoes ♪
♪ Ta ta ta‐ra‐ra ♪

297
00:13:54,034 --> 00:13:57,571
♪ Are leaving today ♪
♪ Ta ta ta‐ra‐ra ♪

298
00:13:57,604 --> 00:14:00,473
♪ I want to be a part of it ♪

299
00:14:01,542 --> 00:14:04,878
♪ In old New York ♪

300
00:14:04,911 --> 00:14:08,615
♪ If I can make it there ♪

301
00:14:08,649 --> 00:14:12,418
♪ I’ll make it anywhere ♪

302
00:14:12,452 --> 00:14:15,956
♪ It’s up to you New York ♪

303
00:14:15,989 --> 00:14:20,561
♪ New York ♪

304
00:14:24,998 --> 00:14:26,399
Time.

305
00:14:26,432 --> 00:14:28,034
You did very well.

306
00:14:31,004 --> 00:14:32,305
’Are you ready for step two?’

307
00:14:32,338 --> 00:14:33,507
Oh, you bet, we are.

308
00:14:33,540 --> 00:14:35,308
‐Hi‐yah!
‐Hi‐yah!

309
00:14:41,414 --> 00:14:44,150
Raise the temperature
in the lab to 100 degrees.

310
00:14:46,620 --> 00:14:47,888
I love this part.

311
00:14:50,624 --> 00:14:54,260
Here’s a stack of assorted
colored papers in front of you.

312
00:14:54,294 --> 00:14:57,230
’Separate them according
to color and count them.’

313
00:14:57,263 --> 00:14:59,199
You have two minutes.

314
00:14:59,232 --> 00:15:01,968
Alright, Balki, this will go
faster if we each take half

315
00:15:02,002 --> 00:15:03,436
and then‐then add them up
at the end.

316
00:15:03,469 --> 00:15:05,071
Okay, could I have that pile?

317
00:15:05,105 --> 00:15:06,907
‐Because I’ve always loved...
‐’Begin.’

318
00:15:08,108 --> 00:15:10,544
One, two, sweep the hut.

319
00:15:10,577 --> 00:15:13,479
Three, four, milk the goat.

320
00:15:13,514 --> 00:15:16,550
Five, six, tend the flock.

321
00:15:16,583 --> 00:15:19,285
Seven, eight, run next door

322
00:15:19,319 --> 00:15:22,388
and see if Stavros
has any extra lard.

323
00:15:24,725 --> 00:15:26,993
‐Nine‐‐
‐Balki, will you stop that?

324
00:15:27,027 --> 00:15:28,428
It doesn’t even rhyme.

325
00:15:28,461 --> 00:15:30,030
Well, it does in Myposian.

326
00:15:31,464 --> 00:15:32,666
Now, I’ll have to start
all over again.

327
00:15:35,669 --> 00:15:37,571
Boy, it’s getting hot in here.

328
00:15:39,005 --> 00:15:41,508
‐Balki.
‐Uh‐huh.

329
00:15:41,542 --> 00:15:43,977
(Dr. Mike)
’What is your phone number?’

330
00:15:44,010 --> 00:15:48,048
Five, five, five,
nine, eight, seven, six.

331
00:15:48,081 --> 00:15:53,253
Five, four, three,
two, one, zero.

332
00:15:56,422 --> 00:15:57,423
Will you shut up?

333
00:15:58,491 --> 00:15:59,993
[device beeping]

334
00:16:00,026 --> 00:16:01,427
Cousin, now, cousin,
cousin, look.

335
00:16:01,461 --> 00:16:03,597
Just remember,
deep breath, deep breath.

336
00:16:03,630 --> 00:16:07,668
I am hollow reed and wind blows
through me with no trouble.

337
00:16:07,701 --> 00:16:09,135
Trouble blows through me
like the wind.

338
00:16:09,169 --> 00:16:11,237
Wind blows through me...

339
00:16:12,305 --> 00:16:14,440
One, two...

340
00:16:14,474 --> 00:16:17,010
(Dr. Mike)
’Larry, what is your
wife’s occupation?’

341
00:16:17,043 --> 00:16:20,113
Five... Flight attendant.
Six...

342
00:16:20,146 --> 00:16:22,448
Does it bother you that
your wife spends a lot of time

343
00:16:22,482 --> 00:16:24,651
away from home
with good‐looking pilots?

344
00:16:24,685 --> 00:16:29,355
Twelve, thirteen, fourteen,
fifteen... No!

345
00:16:29,389 --> 00:16:30,256
Sixteen...

346
00:16:30,290 --> 00:16:32,125
[device beeping]
Seventeen, eighteen...

347
00:16:32,158 --> 00:16:34,327
‐Cousin, I am a hollow reed.
‐Nineteen... I am a hollow reed.

348
00:16:34,360 --> 00:16:36,029
‐Hollow reed.
‐Twenty... I am a hollow reed.

349
00:16:36,062 --> 00:16:37,397
‐Hollow reed.
‐I am a hollow reed.

350
00:16:37,430 --> 00:16:39,332
Oh, who’s kidding who?
I’m not a hollow reed.

351
00:16:39,365 --> 00:16:42,035
How can I be a hollow reed when
my wife’s off sharing peanuts

352
00:16:42,068 --> 00:16:43,737
with some square‐jawed
jet jockey?

353
00:16:45,639 --> 00:16:46,907
I am a hollow reed.

354
00:16:46,940 --> 00:16:49,475
If hollow reed doesn’t work,
you try "I’m a Halloween."

355
00:16:49,510 --> 00:16:51,645
(both)
I’m a Halloween.

356
00:16:51,678 --> 00:16:53,346
‐I’m a Halloween.
‐I’m a Halloween.

357
00:16:53,379 --> 00:16:54,447
‐I’m a Halloween.
‐I’m a Halloween.

358
00:16:54,480 --> 00:16:56,049
I’m alright.

359
00:16:56,082 --> 00:16:57,350
‐Okay. Yeah.
‐Thank you, buddy. Thank you.

360
00:16:57,383 --> 00:17:00,086
Alright, let’s get these things
counted and get out of the oven.

361
00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:01,454
‐Okay.
‐Don’t let him distract you.

362
00:17:01,487 --> 00:17:02,523
Alright, alright.

363
00:17:03,757 --> 00:17:05,425
[whispering]
Four, five, six‐‐

364
00:17:05,458 --> 00:17:07,728
‐’Balki.’
‐Uh‐huh.

365
00:17:07,761 --> 00:17:09,095
I understand your girlfriend

366
00:17:09,129 --> 00:17:10,463
lives in the same house
with you?

367
00:17:10,496 --> 00:17:13,433
Yes, that’s right. She lives
right across the hall.

368
00:17:13,466 --> 00:17:15,736
Are you a feeling a lot
of pressure to get married?

369
00:17:18,171 --> 00:17:19,239
To who?

370
00:17:22,442 --> 00:17:24,477
Balki, we gotta do something
about the heat in here.

371
00:17:24,511 --> 00:17:25,646
‐Turn on the fan.
‐No, no, cousin.

372
00:17:25,679 --> 00:17:26,713
‐I don’t thin‐‐
‐Turn on the fan.

373
00:17:26,747 --> 00:17:28,348
‐Cousin, cousin, listen to me.
‐Turn on the fan.

374
00:17:28,381 --> 00:17:29,716
Turn on the fan!
Turn on the fan, now!

375
00:17:29,750 --> 00:17:31,685
[device beeping]

376
00:17:33,219 --> 00:17:35,388
‐I’m hollow reed.
‐Turn the fan on, now!

377
00:17:39,259 --> 00:17:40,661
[yelling]

378
00:17:46,332 --> 00:17:48,401
Cousin...

379
00:17:48,434 --> 00:17:50,804
‐Balki, turn off the fan!
‐I am hollow reed.

380
00:17:50,837 --> 00:17:52,238
Turn off the fan, now!

381
00:17:53,206 --> 00:17:54,074
Turn the fan off!

382
00:17:56,142 --> 00:17:57,678
I can’t.
Cousin, I can’t turn it off.

383
00:17:57,711 --> 00:17:58,745
I can’t turn it off.

384
00:18:00,514 --> 00:18:02,148
I can’t move it.

385
00:18:02,182 --> 00:18:05,385
‐I can’t move it, cousin.
‐You have 20 seconds.

386
00:18:05,418 --> 00:18:08,722
Balki, help me pick up the
papers or I’m gonna lose my job!

387
00:18:08,755 --> 00:18:10,290
Hey, cousin, listen.
You know what?

388
00:18:10,323 --> 00:18:12,258
Don’t think about.
Don’t worry about it.

389
00:18:12,292 --> 00:18:15,295
Nothing, nothing is that
important, cousin. It’s just...

390
00:18:15,328 --> 00:18:19,232
Cousin, oh, gosh, if you lose
your job, you get another job.

391
00:18:19,265 --> 00:18:21,668
‐’Balki.’
‐Yah?

392
00:18:21,702 --> 00:18:23,770
Did your Cousin Larry tell you
that he’s going to Disneyland

393
00:18:23,804 --> 00:18:26,239
this summer and he’s not
taking you?

394
00:18:27,373 --> 00:18:29,109
[device beeping]

395
00:18:30,276 --> 00:18:35,682
How...could you do that to me?

396
00:18:35,716 --> 00:18:38,318
You, you know that
going to the Magic Kingdom

397
00:18:38,351 --> 00:18:40,521
is my life‐long dream?

398
00:18:40,554 --> 00:18:42,355
Balki, I didn’t say that!
He’s lying.

399
00:18:42,388 --> 00:18:43,657
Doctors don’t lie.

400
00:18:43,690 --> 00:18:46,860
And anyway, lying about
Disneyland is illegal.

401
00:18:46,893 --> 00:18:50,263
Balki...I’m telling you,
I didn’t say that.

402
00:18:50,296 --> 00:18:51,665
Don’t you see
what he’s trying to do?

403
00:18:51,698 --> 00:18:53,233
He’s trying to pit us
against each other

404
00:18:53,266 --> 00:18:55,301
so he’ll raise our,
raise our stress level.

405
00:18:55,335 --> 00:18:59,606
And you thought you’d just go
to Disneyland and unwind!

406
00:18:59,640 --> 00:19:01,307
[device beeping]

407
00:19:01,341 --> 00:19:03,777
I’m not going to Disneyland!

408
00:19:03,810 --> 00:19:06,212
Nobody is going to Disneyland!

409
00:19:06,246 --> 00:19:07,447
(Dr. Mike)
’Time’s up!’

410
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:09,716
Oh, God! Oh, no.
We didn’t finish the test!

411
00:19:09,750 --> 00:19:11,818
We’re gonna lose our jobs.

412
00:19:11,852 --> 00:19:14,555
Yeah, well, one of us
is goin’ to Disneyland!

413
00:19:16,489 --> 00:19:17,558
Yes, I am.

414
00:19:18,759 --> 00:19:21,494
[instrumental music]

415
00:19:26,299 --> 00:19:27,834
Yes, thank you, Alice.

416
00:19:29,603 --> 00:19:31,437
That was Wainwright’s secretary.

417
00:19:31,471 --> 00:19:32,472
‐Alice.
‐Alice.

418
00:19:33,640 --> 00:19:35,275
He’s on his way down here.

419
00:19:35,308 --> 00:19:38,244
We may as well clean out
our desks now.

420
00:19:38,278 --> 00:19:41,481
Cousin, I’m so sorry
that I let you down.

421
00:19:41,515 --> 00:19:43,884
I, I‐I...

422
00:19:43,917 --> 00:19:46,787
When Dr. Aldrich said that
you were going to Disneyland

423
00:19:46,820 --> 00:19:49,556
without me, I just
completely lost it and...

424
00:19:51,257 --> 00:19:53,894
It wasn’t very nice of
Dr. Aldrich to lie to me.

425
00:19:53,927 --> 00:19:55,361
He really got your goat.

426
00:19:56,697 --> 00:19:58,431
Oh, no. He’s got Binki?

427
00:20:00,834 --> 00:20:03,637
No. No, he doesn’t have Binki.
It’s an expression.

428
00:20:03,670 --> 00:20:05,405
"He’s got Binki"
is an expression?

429
00:20:05,438 --> 00:20:06,507
What does that mean?

430
00:20:09,342 --> 00:20:10,744
Appleton, Bartokomous.

431
00:20:12,478 --> 00:20:14,515
I’ve just been on the phone
with Dr. Aldrich.

432
00:20:14,548 --> 00:20:16,617
Well, I’m surprised
you both fit.

433
00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:21,522
Mr. Wainwright, I‐I...

434
00:20:21,555 --> 00:20:22,956
I can explain everything
about the stress test.

435
00:20:22,989 --> 00:20:24,858
There’s nothing to explain.

436
00:20:24,891 --> 00:20:27,027
Dr. Aldrich thinks I’m brilliant

437
00:20:27,060 --> 00:20:28,829
because
I teamed you two together.

438
00:20:28,862 --> 00:20:31,264
He thinks
your obsessiveness offsets

439
00:20:31,297 --> 00:20:33,366
Bartokomous’
lack of concentration

440
00:20:33,399 --> 00:20:38,038
and his level of composure
offsets your level of neurosis.

441
00:20:38,071 --> 00:20:40,507
But‐but, sir, we,
we failed the stress test.

442
00:20:40,541 --> 00:20:41,775
We‐we crumbled.

443
00:20:41,808 --> 00:20:43,977
That’s the point of the test,
Appleton, everyone crumbles.

444
00:20:44,010 --> 00:20:45,946
You two did fairly well,
until you

445
00:20:45,979 --> 00:20:47,347
started fighting
with each other.

446
00:20:47,380 --> 00:20:49,516
Then you crumbled in a big way.

447
00:20:49,550 --> 00:20:51,952
I saw the tape.
It was quite amusing.

448
00:20:51,985 --> 00:20:53,019
As a matter of fact,
my wife and I

449
00:20:53,053 --> 00:20:55,321
are having people
over tonight to view it again.

450
00:20:56,857 --> 00:21:00,360
My favorite part is
"I am a Halloween!"

451
00:21:00,393 --> 00:21:01,895
[laughing]

452
00:21:01,928 --> 00:21:03,530
I am a Halloween.

453
00:21:07,701 --> 00:21:09,936
Well, cousin, you see,
it weren’t for nothing.

454
00:21:09,970 --> 00:21:13,473
We still got our jobs
and we’re bringing big laughs

455
00:21:13,507 --> 00:21:15,408
to Mr. and Mrs. Wainwright’s
parties

456
00:21:15,441 --> 00:21:18,945
and, uh...we learned
a valuable lesson.

457
00:21:18,979 --> 00:21:21,915
That we make a great team...
till we start to fight.

458
00:21:21,948 --> 00:21:25,986
So, uh, let’s just
see to it that, uh...

459
00:21:26,019 --> 00:21:28,989
...we don’t have
any more fights, okay?

460
00:21:29,022 --> 00:21:31,892
W‐w‐w‐wait a minute,
wait a minute.

461
00:21:31,925 --> 00:21:35,562
Are‐are you saying that I am
the one who starts the fights?

462
00:21:35,596 --> 00:21:37,063
[scoffs]

463
00:21:37,097 --> 00:21:40,033
Well, I’m not saying that no

464
00:21:40,066 --> 00:21:42,536
although you are the one that

465
00:21:42,569 --> 00:21:44,771
that has always started them.

466
00:21:44,805 --> 00:21:47,440
I mean, for six years anyway,
you have been the one who starts

467
00:21:47,473 --> 00:21:49,776
but, look, but that is
water under the fridge

468
00:21:49,810 --> 00:21:51,444
you just, it’s not,
the important thing.

469
00:21:51,477 --> 00:21:53,079
What do you mean?
What do you mean for six years?

470
00:21:53,113 --> 00:21:55,481
I’ve been the one
who has started the fights?

471
00:21:55,516 --> 00:21:57,518
Well, you’re the one that
comes two inches from my ear

472
00:21:57,551 --> 00:21:59,485
and says "What,
are you outta your mind?"

473
00:22:01,555 --> 00:22:03,924
Alright, well, well,
I am not the one

474
00:22:03,957 --> 00:22:07,393
with the attention span
of a flea.

475
00:22:07,427 --> 00:22:09,963
Well, I am not the one
that comes up behind you

476
00:22:09,996 --> 00:22:12,966
and does this
when you want me to shut up.

477
00:22:12,999 --> 00:22:14,801
Oh, well, I am not the one
who’s always saying

478
00:22:14,835 --> 00:22:16,503
"Oh, go on with you."

479
00:22:18,004 --> 00:22:19,405
Yeah, but you do this.

480
00:22:19,439 --> 00:22:20,674
Aw!

481
00:22:20,707 --> 00:22:21,808
No. You do this!

482
00:22:21,842 --> 00:22:22,976
Ow!

483
00:22:23,009 --> 00:22:24,110
Actually, I guess...

484
00:22:24,144 --> 00:22:25,512
(both)
We both do this.

485
00:22:25,546 --> 00:22:26,713
(both)
Aw!

486
00:22:26,747 --> 00:22:28,481
[instrumental music]

487
00:22:34,521 --> 00:22:36,857
[theme music]