[theme song]
♪ Sometimes the world looks perfect ♪
♪ Nothing to rearrange ♪
♪ Sometimes you just get a feeling ♪
♪ Like you need some kind of change ♪
♪ No matter what the odds are this time ♪
♪ Nothing’s going to stand in my way ♪
♪ This flame in my heart like a long lost friend ♪
♪ Gives every dark street a light at the end ♪
♪ Standing tall ♪
♪ On the wings of my dream ♪
♪ Rise and fall ♪
♪ On the wings of my dream ♪
♪ The rain and thunder the wind and haze ♪
♪ I’m bound for better days ♪ ♪ Haa ♪
♪ It’s my life and my dream ♪
♪ Nothing’s going to stop me now ♪
[instrumental music]
Well, look what I found in the white zone at the airport.
Welcome home, oh!
Oh, it’s so good to be home.
Well, Jennifer, you look exhausted.
Why don’t we, uh, go upstairs and take a nap?
Larry, I‐I’m not sleepy.
Yeah, but, Jennifer, you know
every time you come back from a long trip
we take a nap.
Oh, oh, a nap.
Well, I’m a little hungry, why don’t we have lunch first?
You’re in luck, I have plenty of cold yak loaf.
Uh, uh, Jennifer, it’s, uh, been two weeks
since I’ve had a nap.
I mean, if I were any sleepier, I’d explode.
Well, alright.
I should have eaten on the plane.
Oh, great.
She prefers airline food over my yak loaf.
I love your yak loaf.
Well, if nobody cares about my yak loaf
I’m just gonna put it away.
Balki, Balki, hello?
Oh...
I’m sorry, I, uh
my mind was somewhere else
my little gravy boat.
Come, sit down, sit down.
I want to hear all about your trip.
How was San Francisco
Honolulu, Tahiti, Sydney
Auckland, Sydney, Tahiti
Honolulu and San Francisco?
Fine.
I brought you a present from Tahiti.
Oh!
This is the biggest gummy bear I have ever seen.
‐Balki, Balki! ‐Mm? Mm‐hmm.
It’s not a gummy bear.
It’s a Polynesian marriage God.
The legend says if you give it to someone
you’ll be married to them by the next full moon.
This is gonna come in handy in case I ever meet anyone
I want to marry.
I’m worried about Mary Anne.
Larry, all she talked about on this trip was Balki.
She really wants to marry him but he just doesn’t get it.
W‐what... Isn’t‐isn’t this something
that we could talk about later?
Mm, la‐later is good.
‐Mm? Mm. ‐Mm.
Oh, later is no good.
Alright, alright. Look, you’re right. You’re right.
But this is not a‐a new problem.
I mean, Mary Anne has wanted Balki
to marry her for a long time.
It’s much worse now
it’s gotten to the point where every time
she sees a woman with a wedding ring on
she breaks down.
W‐w‐well, don’t worry.
I mean, they’ll work it out.
Yeah, they’ll work it out.
Oh, there’s no way they can work it out.
Larry, this is really upsetting to me
and you know I can’t nap when I’m upset.
Okay, alright, alright, alright, alright.
I’ll tell you what I’m gonna do, alright?
I’m gonna do downstairs and‐and talk to Balki
and‐and tell him that Mary Anne wants him to propose.
Then I’m gonna come back and we’ll take a nap.
‐Maybe two. ‐Larry, you can’t do that!
Oh, sure I can, it’s been two weeks.
No, come on, no.
What I mean is a woman
wants a man to propose because he’s in love
not because someone told him to.
I want you to go talk to Balki
get him to realize how much he loves Mary Anne
how much she loves him
and how perfect they are for each other.
But don’t use any of those words.
[instrumental music]
There is a certain woman
who is interested in you
in a romantic way.
Apparently you have not realized it.
Realize it...
...take care of it, see you later.
Who could that possibly be?
"Who could that possibly be?"
Balki, open your eyes!
No, no.
I mean, it is obvious.
Who is it?
I can’t tell you her name.
Oh, this is a game. Is she living or dead?
Balki, this is a woman
who is always making excuses
to be with you, huh?
If you’re in another room, she finds some
lame reason to go in there.
Alright, she’s always asking for your help.
She’s blonde.
She lives in this house.
Give me a hint.
She is in love with you.
Please, take care of it because it is starting
to affect my marriage.
I...I‐I had no idea.
[chuckling] I’m‐I’m so sorry.
Don’t worry about it. Just talk to her.
What‐what will I say?
Just tell her how you feel about her.
‐Okay. ‐Everything will be fine.
I sure hope so.
Dimitri, did you hear that?
Jennifer is in love with me.
Oh, Jennifer! Good news.
I talked to Balki. Everything is fine.
Oh, great.
‐Where are you going? ‐You were subtle, weren’t you?
He never knew what hit him.
Why are you going downstairs?
B‐I‐I‐I have to go fold the laundry.
W‐well, yo‐but‐but‐but you told me to hurry
and I did, I hurried and‐and shouldn’t we hurry upstairs?
Well, I can’t, I’m still a little tense.
I need to be relaxed to take a nap
and folding laundry helps me do that.
Okay, okay, it’s a little weird
but it worked on our honeymoon.
Fold, fold away.
‐Hi, Balki, ‐Hi‐hi, Jennifer. How are you?
What are you doing down here in the kitchen alone with me?
I was just gonna fold the laundry.
Whatever you do, don’t leave me alone with her.
‐Balki? ‐Yeah?
Would you give me a hand with this?
Look, look, Jennifer
I don’t think this is a good idea
for either one of us.
I need you.
So, uh, did, uh, Larry talk with you?
Yeah, yeah.
He did.
And do you understand everything?
Yeah, yeah, I think I do.
I‐I would have said something to you earlier but
I just didn’t feel comfortable talking to you about it.
Well, I can understand that.
It just seemed better to have Larry tell you.
Yeah, yeah, that takes the pressure off of you
but how you think Cousin Larry feels about this?
Oh, he’s all for it.
"He’s all for it?"
Here, grab the ends.
Yeah, well, Larry’s always said
that if two people are in love
then nothing should stand in their way.
Come to me.
Now that you know everything
don’t you think you should make your move?
‐Jennifer, Jennifer, please. ‐Oh! Oh!
Please, look, look, look, now listen to me. Listen to me.
I know you have your heart set on things being different.
‐I do! I do with all my heart! ‐Oh, God!
But in this turbulent sea of emotions
you and I can only be two ships
that go bump in the night, okay?
You are anchored at Appleton Harbor
and I am
what I am, okay?
And that’s all that I am.
I’m Balki, the sailor man, toot, toot.
[imitating Popeye]
What the hell are you talking about?
Oh, I knew it. This is killing you.
Jennifer, look, we have got to stop this
before innocent people get hurt.
What do ya, what, do ya think you’re the first
married woman to ever go goo‐goo over me?
Stop it.
Just stop it. Don’t kid yourself, baby.
‐Balki‐‐ ‐Look, look, look.
I‐I‐I don’t often speak about this
because it’s one of the reasons I had to leave Mypos
but Stavros is on the other side of the island
and you innocently offer to milk
his wife’s goat and all of a sudden
she gets all hot and buttered.
‐Balki‐‐ ‐No, no, Katarina! It’s wrong!
Balki, we need to clear up a big misunderstanding.
‐That’s right. Now you go back. ‐Okay?
‐Back! Back! Back! Back! ‐Balki, no, no, no.
Back up against the stove.
There’s only one thing that you have to understand
and that is that even though you have feelings for me
your place is with your man.
‐Balki, please, please... ‐Don’t beg.
It’s just not gonna happen, baby.
You go back to Cousin Larry
you forget me and the power I have over you.
And don’t you ever speak of this again.
Oh, believe me, I won’t.
Larry!
Larry, you are an idiot.
Oh, good.
We’re gonna play strict schoolmarm
and naughty student again.
Teach me.
No, I mean, you’re really an idiot.
You completely botched your conversation with Balki.
He thought I wanted to marry him.
Balki thought you wanted to marry him?
You remember last summer, when Balki and I were out
on a lake alone in the rowboat?
I should have killed him then.
Larry, you have to go talk to him again.
Jennifer, I would love to see Balki and Mary Anne get married
but we can’t force it.
I know how women think.
Mary Anne has waited this long
if she has to, she will wait a lot longer.
I can’t wait any longer.
Balki’s never gonna ask me to marry him, so I’m moving out.
[instrumental music]
‐Balki... ‐Cousin, look.
I want you to know I talked to Jennifer
and‐and that everything’s fine.
But I really want you to know that I did nothing
to reduce her to a quivering mass of desire.
And I appreciate that.
Thank you.
But as long as we’re here
why don’t we talk about... another problem?
Cousin, another dirty little problem like the last one
and we could end up on "Sally Jessy Raphael."
Listen to me.
There is a woman...
...who lives in this house...
...not Jennifer.
Not Jennifer...
...who has something she wants you to know.
‐Mary Anne? ‐I didn’t use those words.
‐Not Mary Anne? ‐Yes, Mary Anne.
But you didn’t hear it from me.
She loves you. She cares about you very much.
And you’d better talk to her because in a few days
it will be too late.
‐Why would it be too late? ‐Because she will be gone.
Oh, God.
Oh, cousin, oh, cousin, I got to talk to her
before it’s too late and... and she will be gone.
Yes, you do.
And you don’t have a moment to lose.
And neither do I.
Dimitri...brace yourself.
Mary Anne only has a few days to live.
Is today’s newspaper here?
I wanna read the funnies.
Laughter is the best medicine.
Mary Anne, Mary Anne, Mary Anne.
I want to talk to you.
Oh? About what?
About...you, and how you feel.
Oh, suddenly you care about how I feel?
Yes, I do. I do.
And‐and I’m so sorry I didn’t realize sooner
what was going on.
Well, I hinted at it.
But maybe I should’ve just come right out and told you.
Should’ve, could’ve, would’ve.
Mary Anne, let’s not conjugate our lives.
What’s important is that I want you to know
that I want to spend every minute of the rest
of your life with you.
Doing everything that I possibly can to‐to make you
as happy as you can be.
Balki, this is the happiest day of my life!
[Balki sobbing]
Well, you certainly do have a good attitude about this.
Now, when the big day comes
do you think we should make a major event out of it
or should we just keep it small and intimate?
Well, that’s kind of up to you.
A‐after all, it‐it will be your day.
Then I want a lot of people there.
It’ll be wonderful. My mother will cry her eyes out.
Well, of course she will! I’ll cry my eyes out!
[sobbing]
Oh, Balki, you’re so sensitive.
Well, who wouldn’t be?
I’ll wear the same dress my grandmother wore.
And I thought we had some weird customs.
Let’s go tell Jennifer and Larry.
Jennifer’s going to be so excited.
Well, I suppose so. She does look good in black.
Jennifer, Larry! Come down quick!
And I want to get a really good band so everyone can dance.
‐Hurry! ‐What is it?
We have some really big news.
Well, couldn’t it have waited just a few minutes?
The big news?
Yes.
[screaming]
Ah, ya crazy kid, you! Ah!
You nut!
[laughs]
Larry, isn’t this great?
What a party we’re going to have.
It sure is. I can’t wait. I’m gonna dance all night.
What is it with you people?
What are you talking about?
Dancing? Partying? Are you crazy?
You should be ashamed of yourselves!
Talking like this when Mary Anne only has a few days to live.
I only have a few days to live?
Why didn’t anyone tell me?
Mary Anne, you’re not going to die.
What did you say to him?
Well, I don’t know what I said to him.
But I didn’t use any of the forbidden words.
If Mary Anne...isn’t dying...
...what are we talking about?
We’re talking about our wedding.
Didn’t you just ask me to marry you?
I thought I just agreed to oversee your burial.
But then again, it’s been a very confusing afternoon.
Balki, it’s really not confusing at all.
I’m moving out of the house.
Mary Anne, I don’t want you to move out.
If you want me to marry you...
...I‐I will.
You’d marry me just to keep me from moving out?
Sure, if it would make you happy.
Balki, marriage is something that’s supposed
to make both of us happy.
I’ve been dropping hints for months, but you never got it.
And now I realize it’s because
marriage is something you haven’t even thought about.
We seem to be headed in two different directions.
It’s better if I move out and just get on with my life.
[instrumental music]
(Larry) ’We’re gonna miss you, Mary Anne.’
Well, um, we’ll just let you say goodbye.
I found this in my wallet.
It’s your season pass to the reptile farm.
I’m gonna miss you.
Me too.
But we can still be friends.
Yeah, we can.
And‐and we can still go to the reptile farm together.
Yeah, we can.
And if we can...if we can still be friends...
...then we can still make...
...we can still make shadow animals on the wall together.
But friends can’t do that.
No.
No...no, they can’t.
Goodbye, Balki.
Goodbye, Mary Anne.
[theme music]
[music continues]