[theme song]
♪ Sometimes the world looks perfect ♪
♪ Nothing to rearrange ♪
♪ Sometimes you just get a feeling ♪
♪ Like you need some kind of change ♪
♪ No matter what the odds are this time ♪
♪ Nothing’s going to stand in my way ♪
♪ This flame in my heart like a long lost friend ♪
♪ Gives every dark street a light at the end ♪
♪ Standing tall ♪
♪ On the wings of my dream ♪
♪ Rise and fall ♪
♪ On the wings of my dream ♪
♪ The rain and thunder the wind and haze ♪
♪ I’m bound for better days ♪ ♪ Haa ♪
♪ It’s my life and my dream ♪
♪ Nothing’s going to stop me now ♪
[instrumental music]
[telephone ringing]
Hello!
Yeah, yeah, Tina, Hi!
Yeah. No, Balki’s not here right now.
Can I take your number?
Uh‐huh.
Okay, well, you know, I really have
no idea if he is free on Tuesday.
Oh, your second date!
Well, you are a lucky, lucky girl!
Uh‐huh.
Okay, bye‐bye.
Larry, dating all these women at once is
is sending Balki down a‐a terrible and‐and lonely road.
I‐I think that deep down, he’s miserable.
Okay, you lost me.
Balki has had twenty dates
in the last two weeks.
You call that misery?
Balki is trying to fill the void left by Mary Anne.
He’s never gonna be happy until they get back together.
Alright, alright, uh‐Jen, I‐I‐I know that
Mary Anne is your dearest friend
but Balki has moved on.
[chuckling] He is now living
every bachelor’s dream.
Trust me, he is very, very happy.
Well, thank you, thank you very much for driving.
Well, aren’t ya gonna invite me in for a nightcap?
Well, I would but I don’t think
any of my nightcaps would fit you.
‐Uh! Oh! ‐Goodnight. Oh!
Watch your fingers, watch your fingers, fingers.
Well, here’s the happy bachelor!
[laughing]
So, Balki...
...did you have fun on your date with Heather?
She owns her own trampoline.
Need I say more?
See? Huh?
And what about last night, uh
did you have fun with Kimberley?
Ooh, Kimberley. Yeah.
Yeah. What a woman.
What a wonderful woman
and what a special evening we had.
We went to a magic show
and, uh, she was picked out of the audience
to be a contestant.
They put her in a box
and I still don’t know where she is.
Oh, yeah, Jen, he is real miserable.
Yeah, life don’t get much better than this.
No‐o‐o, sir!
[laughs]
No way!
[laughing continues]
So you really are happy?
[crying] Oh, God! Jennifer!
You can see through me like an empty aquarium.
I feel like I’m sitting on the dock at the bay...
...wasting time.
[crying]
Alright, maybe "Happy" isn’t exactly the right word.
Larry, you have to go talk to him.
He’s feeling empty
and‐a‐and shallow and he’s quoting song lyrics
because he misses Mary Anne.
Alright, alight, I’ll talk to him
but this has nothing to do with Mary Anne.
‐Yes, it does. ‐N‐no, he just...
He just needs to slow down his dating habits.
He’s confused because he’s dating
too many women at a time.
I experienced the same thing when I was in college.
Well, I read about the same thing when I was in college.
An‐an‐anyway, I will straighten him out.
[crying]
Balki, Balki, Balki, come on, come on.
Now let me, l‐let me get this straight.
You’re...you’re dating
all these gorgeous women
sometimes two, three a day.
Yeah.
You’re not happy?
I‐I know that you told me
the American bachelor’s dream
was to juggle three women at the same time...
I tried it and I almost
dislocated my shoulder.
[groaning]
Alright, Balki, listen, listen.
I‐I‐I’m gonna give you a‐a slight adjustment
to some of the advice I gave you earlier.
Well, cousin, your exact words were
"Balki, you got to date until your head caves in
"and then remember every little detail
so you can tell me about it later."
Balki, I‐I think you gotta slow down.
You know, get to know the women that you date.
You know, find out who they are
w‐w‐what they’re like.
Learn to listen to their
inane little stories.
(Larry) ’I talked to Balki, he’s happy. End of conversation.’
Larry, he’s not happy!
I’m sure he still loves Mary Anne
and Mary Anne still loves him.
[sighs] Well, I think he’s over Mary Anne.
I’m glad you’re both here, I have some wonderful news
to share with you.
I’ve met her! The girl of my dreams!
And I owe it all to this big Cucamonga over here!
Cousin Larry!
Hey, we’re all gonna go out to dinner tonight to celebrate!
‐Really? ‐Well, Balki.
Congratulations! Where’d you meet her?
On the carousel in the park, about an hour ago.
I‐I think she was swayed by the fact that
uh, my shirt wasn’t tucked into my underwear.
Balki, before you decide she’s the girl for you
don’t you think you should spend a little more time with her?
Oh, sometimes, you know, love just
hits you in the stomach and makes you nauseous.
And this girl...makes me sick.
She’s in the kitchen right now, I’d like to bring her out
and introduce you to her.
Well, there goes one happy man!
He’s met a girl
he’s moving on with his life
and he owes it all to me.
I don’t buy it, Larry. He still loves Mary Anne.
Oh, Jen‐Jennifer, I know how you feel
but Mary Anne is in his deep past.
He is over Mary Anne for good.
Cousin Larry?
Honey, this is Cousin Larry
and his wife, Jennifer.
Pleased to meet you.
Cousin Larry, are you a friend
of Balki’s or are you related?
Is she one of a kind or what?
Balki, you said that before dinner
we could race our jackets down the laundry chute.
Last one up the stairs is a rotten eggbeater!
And we owe this all to you!
[instrumental music]
Honey, I think you’re really gonna like this restaurant.
The food is excellent, the service is great
and the bread sticks are just small enough
to stick up your nose.
Good evening.
May I help you?
Yes, uh, Bartokomous, party of four.
The other two are in the parking lot.
My Cousin is negotiating with the parking attendant.
Jennifer, for the last time I admit
I was wrong about Balki.
Larry, it doesn’t matter who’s right or wrong.
What’s important is what we do about it.
Got any ideas?
Not a one.
But I did just save us a buck on parking!
Oh, here we are.
‐Excuse us. ‐Oh.
Uh‐uh, uh, move, uh, move.
[laughing]
Okay, okay, fine.
Hi. We have reservations...
[gasps] Look who just walked in!
Oh, oh, alright, alright, don’t panic.
I, I’ll, I’ll take care of this.
Uh, Balki, uh
I think you should know
an old friend of yours is here.
Ah! Well, of course.
Mary Anne.
How long is the wait?
Mary Anne. Mary Anne.
Hi, Balki.
Hi, Mary Anne.
Um...how are you?
Fine.
‐You look great. ‐Thank you, you look great too!
You look just great.
‐Are you happy? ‐Yeah, I’m happy!
‐Are you happy? ‐Oh, couldn’t be happier!
Well, I’m happy to hear you’re happy.
Honey, this is happy.
I mean, this is, uh...
’This is, this is Mary Anne.’
And Mary Anne, this is Honey.
It’s nice to meet you, Honey.
It’s very nice to meet you, too.
I love your hair.
I could never get mine to do that.
Mary Anne, would you like to join us?
Okay, but, but I’m here with my date.
Oh, you‐you are? Well, that’s great.
Yeah, I think you’d really like him.
Well, sure. Well, he can join us, too.
Where is he?
Oh, there he is.
Yoo‐hoo, over here.
Everyone, this is Nico.
He’s pretty special.
Oh, go on with you.
I’m happy to make your acquaintance.
What did he just say?
He said he’s happy to make your acquaintance.
Oh, pleased to meet you.
Larry, what are we going to do?
I don’t know.
But maybe two people who look exactly like us
will come in and explain it to us.
[instrumental music]
Mary Anne and Balki are dating
mirror images of each other and they don’t even see it.
I‐I can’t believe it!
Well, I can’t believe there’s no cheesecake.
Larry!
Alright, alright, alright, look.
We’ll‐we’ll just go back to the table
sit down, drop a few subtle hints
and get them to see what’s going on.
So anyway to this day
the moose doesn’t know
what happened to his shower cap.
[laughing]
[sighing]
I don’t get it.
Neither do I.
Oh, but I love your accent, Nico.
Are you from Mypos, too?
No, I’m from Greece.
Why does everyone think I’m from Mypos?
With that nose?
Uh, Nico, your, your vest is very beautiful.
I‐I know I’ve seen one very similar to it before.
Mary Anne, does this vest look familiar to you?
You know you’re right!
I don’t believe I didn’t see this sooner!
We used to have a couch made out of that same material.
‐Balki? ‐Mm‐hmm.
Would you like some pepper?
Pepper! Oh, Balki never uses pepper.
It makes his feet itch.
You remembered.
Is it just me...
...or is there an amazing similarity
between the four of you?
Well, of course there is. Don’t be ridiculous!
‐Finally! ‐We all ordered rice.
‐Okay, Balki. ‐’Mm?’
Come with me to the dessert cart.
No, cousin, I’ve got a knife full of peas here
and they’re all just nice
and peppered at room temperature...
Yeah, very nice.
This is a lovely meal, you know
and, oh, my goodness!
Cousin, cousin!
You’re embarrassing me!
Don’t you see what’s going on here?
‐You mean about Mary Anne? ‐Yes!
I can’t believe you brought that up.
I thought I was the only one that saw it.
Nico is all wrong for her.
I mean, the‐the, he’s just
he’s got a silly accent...
...he smells of goat cheese and those clothes!
Those clothes! Stop it! Take him shopping!
Plus he’s got the attention span of a child.
’Oh, they’re balancing spoons on their noses.’
I want in on this.
[piano music]
Wrong seat! Wrong seat! Um...
Can I, would it be alright if I, if I, I’m sorry.
‐I didn’t mean to‐‐ ‐You know, that’s alright.
It’s alright. Alright. Go ahead.
‐No, go ahead. ‐Thank you very much, cousin.
[chattering]
[instrumental music]
Balki, would you come down here, please?
We have to talk!
You know, I was sure they would catch on last night
wh‐when people in the restaurant kept on coming up
and asking them if they were the Doublemint twins.
Well, they, they didn’t catch on, Larry
and that’s why it’s up to you and me to just
point them in the right direction.
Is this gonna take long? Because I have plans.
Uh, Honey and I are going to the museum today.
This is the day they wax the floors.
It’s perfect for skating in your socks.
Balki, have a seat.
Uh, Jennifer and I wanted to ask you about something.
Uh, uh, how do you feel about Honey?
I adore honey on a muffin.
In tea, I have to go with granulated sugar.
I mean Honey, the girl.
Honey LeBelwich!
Oh, she’s terrific. She’s, you know, so, so sweet.
Innocent.
Naive yet with an occasional spark of genius.
So...you like her?
Oh, no one compares to Mary Anne.
Ah‐ha! What did you just say?
She‐she‐she just said, "So, you like her?"
and I said, "No one compares to Honey."
No, you said Mary Anne, not Honey.
You said, "No one compares to Mary Anne."
‐No, I didn’t. ‐I heard it, too.
What? What is it with you two?
I know my own voice.
Hello?
[knocking on door]
Hi, Mary Anne! Look, everyone, it’s Mary Anne!
‐Hi, Mary Anne. ‐Hi, Balki.
How are you?
Is this gonna take long?
They wax the floors at the museum today.
Before you say anything to these two
I just want you to know
the lights are on
but they don’t own homes.
If you get what I mean, okay.
Mary Anne, I‐I’m glad you’re here.
Jennifer and I thought that, uh
we should all get together and, uh, chat.
You know, about, uh, current events, the weather...
...displacement of true feelings
for one person onto another
having similar, almost identical characteristics.
You know...stuff!
Need I say more?
[whistling]
Mary Anne, have you noticed
that you and Balki are dating
people who look exactly like you?
Well, I don’t think I look anything like Nico!
Our mistake, our mistake.
No, I‐I‐I think what
what Jennifer means is‐is‐is
it’s just that, you know, after meeting Nico and Honey
[chuckling] it seems that both of you are attracted
to people who‐who seem to resemble one another.
And don’t you find that odd?
When you say "Odd..."
...do you mean odd funny
or odd weird?
Weird.
When you say "Attracted"
do you mean attracted allured
or attracted a force acting between particles of matter
tending to draw them together and resisting their separation?
Allured.
‐What was the question? ‐What was the question?
Oh, God!
‐Conference. ‐Okay, alright.
Okay, alright, uh, y‐y‐you know something
we’ll be right back.
Wh‐why don’t you just, uh
chat amongst yourselves?
Well, I’m sure glad you met someone that you like.
I did? Who?
‐Nico. ‐Oh, Nico, right.
Yeah.
And you and Honey make a lovely couple.
Oh, thank you, thank you very much.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, you wanna laugh?
[laughing]
Can you believe that at one time
you and I were thinking of getting married?
[laughing]
Oh, boy, that seems like a thousand years ago!
Does it ever! Oh...
[both sighing]
Well, we’ve gone with the subtle approach
and the not‐so‐subtle approach.
Do you have any other ideas?
We could wrap them together with duct tape
until they come to their senses.
Larry, I’m serious.
We have to go back in there
tell them they’re perfect for each other
and force them to get back together again.
If that doesn’t work we’ll go with the duct tape.
Okay, you two. Listen up.
You... Oh!
Well, I guess they did get it on their own.
Well, now this I like!
Now this is a good first step.
Alright, now you two kids get reacquainted.
You know, take it slow.
Spend some time together.
And who knows?
You might even have a future together.
Mary Anne and I are getting married.
[instrumental music]
[theme music]
[music continues]