1
00:00:01,334 --> 00:00:03,103
[theme music]

2
00:00:11,545 --> 00:00:14,214
♪ Sometimes the world
looks perfect ♪

3
00:00:15,248 --> 00:00:17,483
♪ Nothing to rearrange ♪

4
00:00:17,518 --> 00:00:20,587
♪ Sometimes you just
get a feeling ♪

5
00:00:20,621 --> 00:00:25,125
♪ Like you need
some kind of change ♪

6
00:00:25,158 --> 00:00:28,595
♪ No matter what
the odds are this time ♪

7
00:00:28,629 --> 00:00:30,831
♪ Nothing’s gonna stand
in my way ♪

8
00:00:30,864 --> 00:00:34,400
♪ This flame in my heart
Like a long lost friend ♪

9
00:00:34,434 --> 00:00:37,504
♪ Gives every dark street
a light at the end ♪

10
00:00:39,540 --> 00:00:42,375
♪ Standing tall ♪

11
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♪ On the wings of my dream ♪

12
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♪ Rise and fall ♪

13
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♪ On the wings of my dream ♪

14
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♪ The rain and thunder ♪

15
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♪ The wind and haze ♪

16
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♪ I’m bound for better days ♪

17
00:00:59,826 --> 00:01:03,229
♪ It’s my life my dream ♪

18
00:01:03,263 --> 00:01:06,399
♪ Nothing’s going
to stop me now ♪

19
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[instrumental music]

20
00:01:30,156 --> 00:01:31,391
Good vegetables, Jen.

21
00:01:34,895 --> 00:01:36,196
Thanks.

22
00:01:36,229 --> 00:01:38,832
They’re, they’re so...crisp.

23
00:01:41,635 --> 00:01:44,905
Well, I did, uh,
keep them in the crisper.

24
00:01:44,938 --> 00:01:48,374
Well, that, uh,
that must be it.

25
00:01:48,408 --> 00:01:50,511
Balki, could you, uh,
please pass the salt?

26
00:01:52,412 --> 00:01:53,446
Balki?

27
00:01:54,581 --> 00:01:55,616
Balki?

28
00:01:56,783 --> 00:01:57,818
Balki?

29
00:02:05,559 --> 00:02:07,694
Would you please
pass the salt?

30
00:02:16,803 --> 00:02:18,404
Thank you.

31
00:02:19,740 --> 00:02:23,577
Sorry, cousin, we were playing
lip tag and I was it.

32
00:02:28,281 --> 00:02:30,416
Tonight is
the fourth anniversary

33
00:02:30,450 --> 00:02:33,954
of the very first time we ever
said the exact same thing

34
00:02:33,987 --> 00:02:35,556
at the exact same time.

35
00:02:37,924 --> 00:02:39,860
Well, who, who could blame you
for celebrating?

36
00:02:42,996 --> 00:02:44,264
Cuddle break.

37
00:02:54,708 --> 00:02:56,242
What is it with those two?

38
00:02:57,744 --> 00:03:00,514
It’s, it’s a cuddle break
every fifteen minutes.

39
00:03:02,482 --> 00:03:05,451
I mean, have you ever seen
anything so nauseating?

40
00:03:05,485 --> 00:03:06,787
I think they’re adorable.

41
00:03:07,788 --> 00:03:08,822
You do?

42
00:03:08,855 --> 00:03:10,290
Yeah, I think it’s sweet the way

43
00:03:10,323 --> 00:03:11,892
they’re so affectionate
with each other.

44
00:03:12,759 --> 00:03:13,994
You do?

45
00:03:14,027 --> 00:03:15,596
I feel like going to bed.

46
00:03:16,630 --> 00:03:17,698
You do?

47
00:03:27,007 --> 00:03:28,909
Goodnight, Balki.
Goodnight, Mary Anne.

48
00:03:28,942 --> 00:03:31,344
I’ll just, uh, lock the doors
and be right up sweetheart.

49
00:03:31,377 --> 00:03:32,212
Why?

50
00:03:32,245 --> 00:03:34,380
Because you said
you wanted to go to bed.

51
00:03:34,414 --> 00:03:37,383
Oh, right, try not to disturb me
when you come upstairs, okay?

52
00:03:41,387 --> 00:03:42,523
They’re so cute.

53
00:03:44,490 --> 00:03:45,592
Race you to the pillow.

54
00:03:57,337 --> 00:03:58,505
‐Balki?
‐Yeah.

55
00:03:58,539 --> 00:04:02,776
Ordinarily I wouldn’t come
to you with a problem like this.

56
00:04:02,809 --> 00:04:06,246
Uh, but you seem
to be doing something right.

57
00:04:06,847 --> 00:04:10,016
So, uh, tell me.

58
00:04:10,050 --> 00:04:11,718
How do you...

59
00:04:11,752 --> 00:04:14,054
...keep the old...

60
00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:16,389
...home fires, burning?

61
00:04:21,962 --> 00:04:23,463
Gotcha.

62
00:04:23,496 --> 00:04:28,068
Well, cousin, the, um,
the most important thing

63
00:04:28,101 --> 00:04:31,838
is to use very,
very dry wood.

64
00:04:36,076 --> 00:04:39,580
But the real key
is the kindling.

65
00:04:41,381 --> 00:04:43,383
And, of course,
the lighter fluid.

66
00:04:43,416 --> 00:04:44,718
Now, if you just go through
a little bota bag‐‐

67
00:04:44,751 --> 00:04:47,588
No, no, no, no, no, no.

68
00:04:48,589 --> 00:04:51,992
I’m talking about
the fires

69
00:04:52,025 --> 00:04:54,861
between a man
and a woman.

70
00:04:55,596 --> 00:04:57,531
Oh.

71
00:04:57,564 --> 00:05:00,000
‐Oh...them fires.
‐Yeah.

72
00:05:04,070 --> 00:05:08,374
If our flame ever flickered,
I think what I would do

73
00:05:08,408 --> 00:05:11,578
I would go into my
pleasure chest and select

74
00:05:11,612 --> 00:05:15,348
one of the three tried and true
Bartokomous marriage secrets.

75
00:05:17,417 --> 00:05:19,786
"Three tried and true
Bartokomous marriage secrets?"

76
00:05:20,587 --> 00:05:21,822
What are they?

77
00:05:21,855 --> 00:05:25,491
Well, cousin, uh, if I told you
they wouldn’t be secrets.

78
00:05:28,128 --> 00:05:29,395
I’ll buy you ice cream.

79
00:05:29,429 --> 00:05:30,631
Moon oil is one.

80
00:05:32,566 --> 00:05:34,835
Burning amber incense
is another.

81
00:05:34,868 --> 00:05:37,437
And, of course, there’s
the Ocean Surf cassette tape.

82
00:05:39,740 --> 00:05:40,941
Goodnight, cousin.

83
00:05:42,976 --> 00:05:44,410
‐Uh, just out of curiosity.
‐Uh‐huh.

84
00:05:44,444 --> 00:05:48,481
Um, where is, uh,
your pleasure chest?

85
00:05:48,515 --> 00:05:49,850
Well, cousin, now again

86
00:05:49,883 --> 00:05:52,786
that would be another
Bartokomous marriage secret.

87
00:05:54,454 --> 00:05:55,288
Waffle cone?

88
00:05:55,321 --> 00:05:57,157
In the garage behind
my cheese wheel.

89
00:05:57,190 --> 00:05:58,625
Thank you.

90
00:05:59,159 --> 00:06:00,293
Why do you ask?

91
00:06:00,326 --> 00:06:02,929
Oh, you know, no reasons.
Just, uh, you know guy talk.

92
00:06:04,665 --> 00:06:05,999
Oh, hey!
Look at the time.

93
00:06:06,032 --> 00:06:07,400
Hey, you better get to bed,
don’t you think?

94
00:06:09,002 --> 00:06:11,538
I don’t know, cousin, you kinda
got me in the mood to talk.

95
00:06:11,572 --> 00:06:14,541
So anyway,
how’s everything by you?

96
00:06:14,575 --> 00:06:15,676
‐Balki.
‐Uh‐huh.

97
00:06:15,709 --> 00:06:19,513
Go to bed, Mary Anne is waiting.
Cuddle break, remember?

98
00:06:20,747 --> 00:06:23,149
Cousin, I got to be
honest with you.

99
00:06:24,217 --> 00:06:26,386
The woman is
wearing me out.

100
00:06:29,690 --> 00:06:31,491
(Mary Anne)
’Balki.’

101
00:06:31,525 --> 00:06:33,960
On the other hand, she sure
knows how to toss my salad!

102
00:06:36,229 --> 00:06:37,497
Goodnight, cousin.

103
00:06:41,001 --> 00:06:42,969
[instrumental music]

104
00:06:52,045 --> 00:06:53,514
Good morning, cousin.

105
00:06:53,547 --> 00:06:54,981
Would you like
a fish head omelet?

106
00:06:57,984 --> 00:06:59,720
No.

107
00:06:59,753 --> 00:07:01,187
Would you like
a knuckle sandwich?

108
00:07:03,624 --> 00:07:05,125
Knuckles are more
of a lunch thing.

109
00:07:07,027 --> 00:07:08,662
They tend to stay with you‐‐

110
00:07:08,695 --> 00:07:09,763
Listen to me.

111
00:07:09,796 --> 00:07:11,131
Besides, they,
they repeat on me.

112
00:07:11,164 --> 00:07:14,100
Listen to me,
listen to me.

113
00:07:14,134 --> 00:07:17,170
Because of you, Jennifer is
miserable this morning.

114
00:07:19,205 --> 00:07:22,175
I went into your stupid pleasure
chest, I used your stupid

115
00:07:22,208 --> 00:07:24,878
Bartokomous marriage secrets
and they didn’t work.

116
00:07:27,581 --> 00:07:29,015
You went into my
pleasure chest?

117
00:07:29,049 --> 00:07:30,684
‐Yes.
‐What you did take?

118
00:07:30,717 --> 00:07:32,485
I took ’em all!

119
00:07:32,519 --> 00:07:34,988
The moon oil gave her a rash,
she’s still sneezing

120
00:07:35,021 --> 00:07:38,124
from the incense, and the ocean
sounds made her seasick.

121
00:07:40,827 --> 00:07:43,897
Before I report you
to the proper authorities

122
00:07:43,930 --> 00:07:45,699
there’s something
I think you should know.

123
00:07:48,935 --> 00:07:52,539
Moon oil applied
directly to the skin

124
00:07:52,573 --> 00:07:54,641
usually causes
third degree burns!

125
00:07:56,276 --> 00:07:57,944
Ow.

126
00:08:00,581 --> 00:08:02,749
You must have found
an old bottle.

127
00:08:02,783 --> 00:08:06,019
But, the, the moon oil
isn’t body oil?

128
00:08:06,052 --> 00:08:09,623
Moon oil is used to light
the Myposian honeymoon lamp

129
00:08:09,656 --> 00:08:12,292
and the incense is for
outdoor use only

130
00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:13,827
and no one
should ever listen

131
00:08:13,860 --> 00:08:16,196
to the Ocean Surf cassette tape
on a full stomach.

132
00:08:18,665 --> 00:08:19,933
And in case
you haven’t noticed

133
00:08:19,966 --> 00:08:22,503
Jennifer has
a very full stomach.

134
00:08:34,681 --> 00:08:37,684
Jen, honey, you,
you feel better?

135
00:08:38,719 --> 00:08:40,120
It’s funny, Larry.

136
00:08:40,153 --> 00:08:41,922
Until last night
I didn’t think anything

137
00:08:41,955 --> 00:08:44,691
could make me feel more
miserable than being pregnant.

138
00:08:45,659 --> 00:08:46,693
I was wrong.

139
00:08:52,933 --> 00:08:55,936
Let’s get going, this is gonna
take a major league gift.

140
00:08:57,003 --> 00:08:58,939
‐May I make a suggestion?
‐Yeah.

141
00:08:58,972 --> 00:09:00,774
A Louisville slug?

142
00:09:04,611 --> 00:09:06,780
A little garlic on it,
delicious.

143
00:09:13,754 --> 00:09:15,989
[instrumental music]

144
00:09:16,022 --> 00:09:17,858
(Larry)
’Look, this is a waste of time.’

145
00:09:17,891 --> 00:09:19,760
’We’re not gonna find
a perfect for Jenifer’

146
00:09:19,793 --> 00:09:21,928
in the sports department.

147
00:09:21,962 --> 00:09:23,697
(male #1 in store)
’Thank you for shopping
at Peterman’s.’

148
00:09:23,730 --> 00:09:26,933
’Remember, Peterman’s white sale
starts Monday.’

149
00:09:26,967 --> 00:09:28,101
Come on, let’s go.

150
00:09:28,134 --> 00:09:29,135
Cousin, just,
just wait a minute.

151
00:09:29,169 --> 00:09:32,138
I, I want to find
something special for Mary Anne.

152
00:09:32,172 --> 00:09:34,908
Balki, you already got a,
a car full of gifts.

153
00:09:34,941 --> 00:09:37,778
Wha‐wha‐what is this?
Another anniversary?

154
00:09:37,811 --> 00:09:40,380
Today is the first anniversary
of the first time that

155
00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:42,248
Mary Anne and I
got caught in the rain

156
00:09:42,282 --> 00:09:44,084
and our hair got all wet
and stringy

157
00:09:44,117 --> 00:09:45,786
and we used the car heater
to dry it

158
00:09:45,819 --> 00:09:47,888
and got our heads stuck
under the steering wheel.

159
00:09:51,391 --> 00:09:55,195
Well, that must have been
a special, special day for you.

160
00:09:58,131 --> 00:10:00,000
And I’d love to hear
more about it.

161
00:10:00,033 --> 00:10:02,636
Well, we got caught
in the rain‐‐

162
00:10:02,669 --> 00:10:04,270
But...

163
00:10:04,304 --> 00:10:06,773
And our, our hair was all wet
and, and stringy‐‐

164
00:10:06,807 --> 00:10:10,310
But, but, but, I have to find

165
00:10:10,343 --> 00:10:12,145
the perfect gift for Jenifer.

166
00:10:12,178 --> 00:10:13,346
Cousin, what are you
talking about?

167
00:10:13,379 --> 00:10:17,150
We’ve been shopping all day
and the little neck pillow

168
00:10:17,183 --> 00:10:18,919
that you got six
and a half hours ago

169
00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:20,887
remains the perfect gift.
And why?

170
00:10:20,921 --> 00:10:22,756
Because it’s what
she really wants.

171
00:10:22,789 --> 00:10:26,426
Balki, it’s cheap, it’s stupid
and it’s too small.

172
00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:30,764
Cousin, if a gift is given
with love, size don’t count.

173
00:10:30,797 --> 00:10:33,199
Believe me, size always counts.

174
00:10:35,168 --> 00:10:38,038
(male #1)
’Attention, shoppers, the store
will close in five minutes.’

175
00:10:38,071 --> 00:10:39,673
’Five minutes till closing.’

176
00:10:39,706 --> 00:10:40,874
Come on, cousin,
let’s get out of here.

177
00:10:40,907 --> 00:10:42,008
They’re closing the store.

178
00:10:42,042 --> 00:10:44,044
‐No, they’re not.
‐Yeah, they are.

179
00:10:44,077 --> 00:10:46,747
They just, he just said, "The
store closing in five minutes."

180
00:10:46,780 --> 00:10:50,416
It’s just a trick
to encourage impulse buying.

181
00:10:50,450 --> 00:10:53,720
It amazes me how you can find
the ugliest motives

182
00:10:53,754 --> 00:10:54,955
in the simplest things.

183
00:10:57,023 --> 00:10:59,192
It’s what I do best.

184
00:10:59,225 --> 00:11:00,927
Now let’s go back
to the jewelry department.

185
00:11:00,961 --> 00:11:02,262
Okay.

186
00:11:02,295 --> 00:11:03,463
Cousin, the jewelry
is right around that corner‐‐

187
00:11:03,496 --> 00:11:05,365
‐It’s right over here.
‐It’s right around the corner.

188
00:11:05,398 --> 00:11:07,067
Cousin, remember,
look, look...

189
00:11:07,100 --> 00:11:08,134
Just turn and look.

190
00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:17,778
‐Well, now you’ve done it.
‐Well, now you’ve done it.

191
00:11:17,811 --> 00:11:19,212
‐What do you mean I’ve done it?
‐What do you mean I’ve done it?

192
00:11:19,245 --> 00:11:20,280
‐What are you talking about?
‐The jewelry department...

193
00:11:20,313 --> 00:11:22,148
‐Is right over there.
‐Look, if you’d just...

194
00:11:22,182 --> 00:11:24,818
You have no visual memory.
No visual memory at all.

195
00:11:24,851 --> 00:11:26,920
[indistinct arguing]

196
00:11:26,953 --> 00:11:29,455
(both in unison)
Well, I can’t believe you’re
gonna wriggle out of this again.

197
00:11:37,531 --> 00:11:39,099
Just help me put
this thing back together

198
00:11:39,132 --> 00:11:41,234
before the security guard
sees us.

199
00:11:41,267 --> 00:11:42,435
‐Okay.
‐Umm.

200
00:11:51,411 --> 00:11:53,113
Look, cousin

201
00:11:53,146 --> 00:11:54,815
he’s got his foot
in his mouth.

202
00:12:00,186 --> 00:12:02,523
Will you stop
fooling around?

203
00:12:02,556 --> 00:12:04,991
Oh, I’m sorry,
cousin, here

204
00:12:05,025 --> 00:12:06,259
let me give you a hand.

205
00:12:06,292 --> 00:12:08,028
[giggles]

206
00:12:12,566 --> 00:12:14,034
You’re not gonna help,
are you?

207
00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:16,402
Well, of course I am.
Don’t be ridiculous.

208
00:12:19,205 --> 00:12:21,407
♪ Dem bone dem bone dem ♪

209
00:12:21,441 --> 00:12:24,444
♪ Dry bone dem bone
dem bone dem ♪

210
00:12:24,477 --> 00:12:28,148
♪ Dry bone the hand bone
connect to the neck bone ♪

211
00:12:28,181 --> 00:12:31,151
♪ The wrist bone connect
to the shoulder bone ♪

212
00:12:31,184 --> 00:12:32,986
♪ The foot bone
connect to the ♪

213
00:12:33,019 --> 00:12:35,321
(male #1)
’Thank you for shopping
at Peterman’s.’

214
00:12:35,355 --> 00:12:37,057
’The store is now closed.’

215
00:12:37,591 --> 00:12:38,625
Cousin...

216
00:12:38,659 --> 00:12:41,027
I think they’re serious
about this closing thing.

217
00:12:41,061 --> 00:12:41,895
Balki...

218
00:12:41,928 --> 00:12:44,565
I happened to be
a gold card holder.

219
00:12:44,598 --> 00:12:46,833
Now, no store
is going to close

220
00:12:46,867 --> 00:12:49,402
while a gold card holder
is still shopping.

221
00:12:51,037 --> 00:12:53,807
Now just help me
find the, the head.

222
00:12:53,840 --> 00:12:55,441
It must have
r‐rolled somewhere.

223
00:12:55,475 --> 00:12:56,843
L‐look around.

224
00:13:17,531 --> 00:13:20,000
[grunting]

225
00:13:20,466 --> 00:13:22,168
[snorting]

226
00:13:24,505 --> 00:13:27,941
Look, cousin, it’s the
incredible two‐headed Mypiot.

227
00:13:27,974 --> 00:13:29,510
[snorts]

228
00:13:32,312 --> 00:13:34,114
Balki, you idiot.

229
00:13:35,115 --> 00:13:36,517
Now, give me that.

230
00:13:36,550 --> 00:13:38,418
[groaning]

231
00:13:39,953 --> 00:13:40,954
Oh!

232
00:13:43,423 --> 00:13:44,925
Two‐headed Mypiot.

233
00:13:47,994 --> 00:13:49,129
Will you stop it?

234
00:13:53,534 --> 00:13:54,935
‐Hey, cousin...
‐Umm?

235
00:13:56,336 --> 00:13:58,138
You do notice
anything strange?

236
00:14:00,006 --> 00:14:03,309
Other than the fact that
I’m torn between two dummies?

237
00:14:05,111 --> 00:14:06,412
Feeling like a fool?

238
00:14:08,281 --> 00:14:09,983
Cousin

239
00:14:10,016 --> 00:14:12,085
it’s awfully quiet
in here.

240
00:14:13,219 --> 00:14:14,521
You know what I think?

241
00:14:18,158 --> 00:14:19,526
You know what?

242
00:14:21,127 --> 00:14:23,396
You know,
you know what I think?

243
00:14:23,429 --> 00:14:25,198
I think everybody
gone home.

244
00:14:29,169 --> 00:14:30,270
‐Cousin...
‐Hmm?

245
00:14:31,037 --> 00:14:32,873
They closed the store.

246
00:14:34,440 --> 00:14:35,441
Impossible.

247
00:14:40,681 --> 00:14:42,516
[door rumbling]

248
00:14:53,694 --> 00:14:55,161
Balki, they closed
the store.

249
00:14:57,097 --> 00:15:01,267
You stupid little
nincompoopolos.

250
00:15:01,301 --> 00:15:03,236
Oh, so now, suddenly,
I’m the one to blame.

251
00:15:03,269 --> 00:15:06,540
Oh, no, you were pretty much
always the one to blame.

252
00:15:06,573 --> 00:15:08,675
Well, l‐look,
let’s just concentrate

253
00:15:08,709 --> 00:15:11,011
on finding a way
outta here.

254
00:15:11,612 --> 00:15:13,046
But don’t worry, cousin.

255
00:15:14,247 --> 00:15:16,082
I have a plan.

256
00:15:16,116 --> 00:15:17,618
‐Oh, oh, you have a plan?
‐Yeah.

257
00:15:17,651 --> 00:15:18,952
‐I have a plan.
‐You have a plan?

258
00:15:18,985 --> 00:15:20,253
‐A good one too.
‐No.

259
00:15:20,286 --> 00:15:23,223
No, no,
no‐no‐no‐no‐no‐no‐no!

260
00:15:24,691 --> 00:15:28,529
I make the plans
and you follow.

261
00:15:29,229 --> 00:15:31,397
Engine, caboose.

262
00:15:33,066 --> 00:15:35,368
Engine...caboose.

263
00:15:36,770 --> 00:15:39,205
‐Got it?
‐Yeah, I got it.

264
00:15:39,239 --> 00:15:41,642
No one blows hot air
like you do.

265
00:15:47,548 --> 00:15:50,517
I think, I’ll just use
the phone to call for help.

266
00:15:50,551 --> 00:15:53,119
[dog barking]

267
00:15:54,287 --> 00:15:56,089
Cousin...

268
00:15:56,122 --> 00:15:57,290
Did you hear something?

269
00:15:57,323 --> 00:15:58,358
Yes, I heard something.

270
00:15:58,391 --> 00:15:59,760
[dog snarling]

271
00:15:59,793 --> 00:16:00,894
Must have been
a recording.

272
00:16:00,927 --> 00:16:04,297
Probably a motion detector
and a speaker around here.

273
00:16:04,330 --> 00:16:06,667
[dog snarling]

274
00:16:06,700 --> 00:16:10,036
You know, all the big stores
are going with these

275
00:16:10,070 --> 00:16:12,038
high‐tech alarm systems.

276
00:16:13,406 --> 00:16:15,441
Cousin. Cousin...

277
00:16:15,475 --> 00:16:18,044
It’s, it’s, it’s a dog.

278
00:16:18,078 --> 00:16:21,214
Of course, it’s a dog.
It’s a recording of a dog.

279
00:16:21,247 --> 00:16:23,149
And not a very good one,
I might add.

280
00:16:23,183 --> 00:16:25,251
[snarling]

281
00:16:27,688 --> 00:16:32,325
No, cousin,
it’s a big scary dog.

282
00:16:32,358 --> 00:16:34,227
I know you’re scared.

283
00:16:34,260 --> 00:16:36,630
It’s your first time
locked in a store.

284
00:16:36,663 --> 00:16:38,699
But Cousin Larry is here.

285
00:16:40,767 --> 00:16:44,337
I’m not gonna let anything
happen to you, okay?

286
00:16:44,370 --> 00:16:45,639
You feel better?

287
00:16:45,672 --> 00:16:47,140
Huh? Feel better?

288
00:16:47,173 --> 00:16:49,142
[dog snarling]

289
00:16:54,447 --> 00:16:55,749
Why didn’t you tell me?

290
00:16:55,782 --> 00:16:58,218
I tried to tell you,
but you were too busy making‐‐

291
00:16:58,251 --> 00:16:59,285
[dog barks]

292
00:16:59,319 --> 00:17:01,354
Making me feel better,
feel better.

293
00:17:02,355 --> 00:17:04,490
Just for the record,
I don’t.

294
00:17:06,259 --> 00:17:08,829
Alright, Balki,
don’t make any sudden moves.

295
00:17:08,862 --> 00:17:12,465
We’re going to back up
very, very slowly.

296
00:17:13,634 --> 00:17:15,401
[snarling]

297
00:17:15,435 --> 00:17:17,538
[barking]

298
00:17:20,874 --> 00:17:22,108
[barking continues]

299
00:17:25,311 --> 00:17:26,813
[barking continues]

300
00:17:29,482 --> 00:17:31,451
Cousin, I think he wants us
to stand still.

301
00:17:32,653 --> 00:17:33,787
Okay, okay!

302
00:17:34,821 --> 00:17:38,191
Alright, I think
we need a plan.

303
00:17:38,224 --> 00:17:39,593
‐Alright, let me think.
‐I got it.

304
00:17:39,626 --> 00:17:41,261
I got it, I got it, I got it.

305
00:17:41,294 --> 00:17:44,130
Listen up. Listen up.
I got it.

306
00:17:44,164 --> 00:17:45,732
You let the dog chase you
around the store

307
00:17:45,766 --> 00:17:47,167
while I make
the phone call.

308
00:17:47,200 --> 00:17:48,869
On three, ready?
One, two, three.

309
00:17:48,902 --> 00:17:50,170
Go.

310
00:17:50,804 --> 00:17:52,472
[dog growling]

311
00:17:52,506 --> 00:17:53,640
One, two, three, go.

312
00:17:54,541 --> 00:17:55,576
Balki, go.

313
00:17:57,210 --> 00:17:58,612
One, two, three, go.

314
00:17:58,645 --> 00:17:59,780
Go, go.

315
00:17:59,813 --> 00:18:01,548
One‐two‐three. Go.

316
00:18:04,785 --> 00:18:07,487
What else you got?

317
00:18:07,521 --> 00:18:10,490
Nice doggy. Nice doggy.
Nice doggy. Stay. Stay. Stay.

318
00:18:10,524 --> 00:18:11,625
‐Stay.
‐Cousin, cousin.

319
00:18:11,658 --> 00:18:13,226
Cousin, cousin, cousin.

320
00:18:13,259 --> 00:18:15,261
Here you go. Here you go, doggy.
Fetch.

321
00:18:15,295 --> 00:18:16,730
‐’No, cousin.’
‐’Here you go. Here you go.’

322
00:18:16,763 --> 00:18:19,499
Fetch. Here you go,
here you go, doggy. Fetch.

323
00:18:19,533 --> 00:18:20,801
‐No, cousin.
‐Here you go. Here you go.

324
00:18:20,834 --> 00:18:22,168
Doggy, just, just go.

325
00:18:23,236 --> 00:18:24,505
Balki.

326
00:18:24,538 --> 00:18:26,740
What kinda doggy
doesn’t fetch?

327
00:18:26,773 --> 00:18:29,409
A dog that would
rather kill.

328
00:18:29,442 --> 00:18:32,412
Cousin, if I don’t make it
out of here... Oh, God.

329
00:18:32,445 --> 00:18:34,380
If, if I don’t make it out
of here alive

330
00:18:34,414 --> 00:18:37,250
tell Mary Anne that, um, that
I stashed some extra cash

331
00:18:37,283 --> 00:18:41,354
behind the nutmeg in the kitchen
and that I love her very much.

332
00:18:41,387 --> 00:18:43,524
Why am I telling you this?
You’ll be dead, too.

333
00:18:43,557 --> 00:18:45,792
Balki, I know about
your nutmeg stash.

334
00:18:45,826 --> 00:18:48,461
And, listen, if we do
get out of here alive

335
00:18:48,494 --> 00:18:50,797
I‐I’m gonna give you back the
three hundred dollars I stole.

336
00:18:50,831 --> 00:18:52,332
[dog barking]

337
00:18:52,365 --> 00:18:54,701
You stole my nutmeg
nest egg?

338
00:18:55,736 --> 00:18:57,403
How could you do that?

339
00:18:57,437 --> 00:18:58,839
How can you do that to me?

340
00:18:59,840 --> 00:19:01,441
[barking continues]

341
00:19:01,474 --> 00:19:03,677
[instrumental music]

342
00:19:03,710 --> 00:19:05,178
Oh‐oh.

343
00:19:07,447 --> 00:19:09,182
[dog barking]

344
00:19:10,684 --> 00:19:12,519
Enough, enough.

345
00:19:18,825 --> 00:19:21,261
(Jennifer)
Where would they be all night
without calling us?

346
00:19:21,294 --> 00:19:22,696
Maybe they wanted to
earn some extra money

347
00:19:22,729 --> 00:19:24,631
for our babies’
college education

348
00:19:24,665 --> 00:19:26,800
so they took second jobs
and forgot to tell us.

349
00:19:28,434 --> 00:19:30,571
Or maybe they’re lying
in a ditch somewhere.

350
00:19:31,738 --> 00:19:33,840
See that’s the difference
between us.

351
00:19:33,874 --> 00:19:35,842
You see the glass
and you say it’s half empty

352
00:19:35,876 --> 00:19:38,845
whereas I see the glass
and I say it’s empty halfway.

353
00:19:45,619 --> 00:19:46,920
‐Hi.
‐Hi.

354
00:19:48,354 --> 00:19:50,691
Balki, what happened to you?

355
00:19:50,724 --> 00:19:51,792
Larry, where have you been?

356
00:19:51,825 --> 00:19:53,794
I’ve been worried sick.

357
00:19:53,827 --> 00:19:55,328
Well, we accidentally
got locked

358
00:19:55,361 --> 00:19:57,964
in Peterman’s department store
with a mad dog.

359
00:19:59,432 --> 00:20:00,867
Larry, I promise
I won’t be angry.

360
00:20:00,901 --> 00:20:01,968
Where have you
really been?

361
00:20:04,270 --> 00:20:05,739
Jennifer, it’s true.

362
00:20:05,772 --> 00:20:08,642
We were, we were being chased
all night by a dog.

363
00:20:08,675 --> 00:20:10,243
But the worst part was...

364
00:20:11,044 --> 00:20:13,279
...they locked
the bathrooms.

365
00:20:15,982 --> 00:20:18,885
Well, you missed a pretty
special anniversary.

366
00:20:18,919 --> 00:20:20,621
No, I didn’t,
my little lamb shank.

367
00:20:24,024 --> 00:20:26,560
You remembered the first time
we got caught in the rain

368
00:20:26,593 --> 00:20:27,894
and our hair got
all wet and stringy

369
00:20:27,928 --> 00:20:29,663
and we used the car heater
to dry it

370
00:20:29,696 --> 00:20:32,533
and got our heads caught under
the steering wheel anniversary.

371
00:20:36,469 --> 00:20:38,404
I have your present upstairs.

372
00:20:39,606 --> 00:20:40,607
Cuddle break.

373
00:20:49,315 --> 00:20:50,951
Penny for your thoughts.

374
00:20:50,984 --> 00:20:53,419
[mellow music]

375
00:20:53,453 --> 00:20:56,923
Larry, how did you get locked
in Peterman’s department store?

376
00:20:56,957 --> 00:21:00,393
Well, well, I‐I was just trying
to find the perfect gift for you

377
00:21:00,426 --> 00:21:03,730
to save our marriage
and we got locked in.

378
00:21:03,764 --> 00:21:05,666
Larry, our marriage
doesn’t need saving.

379
00:21:05,699 --> 00:21:08,602
And why would you
think it would?

380
00:21:08,635 --> 00:21:13,039
Well, well, you, you don’t seem
to be interested in me lately

381
00:21:13,073 --> 00:21:16,309
I mean, Balki and Mary Anne are
always taking cuddle breaks

382
00:21:16,342 --> 00:21:19,780
and, and, and, you, you just
you, you don’t want to touch me.

383
00:21:19,813 --> 00:21:21,815
I’m sorry, Larry,
but these days

384
00:21:21,848 --> 00:21:23,950
I just don’t feel
very attractive.

385
00:21:25,451 --> 00:21:27,954
Well, you, you’ve never been
more attractive.

386
00:21:28,822 --> 00:21:30,691
‐Really?
‐Yes.

387
00:21:30,724 --> 00:21:32,993
‐You mean it?
‐Yes, I mean it.

388
00:21:33,927 --> 00:21:35,729
Oh, Larry,
I love you.

389
00:21:39,032 --> 00:21:41,467
Ow, ow.

390
00:21:41,502 --> 00:21:44,437
The, the dog nicked
my lip.

391
00:21:45,972 --> 00:21:49,009
Oh, and I,
I almost forgot.

392
00:21:49,042 --> 00:21:50,644
This is, uh, for you.

393
00:21:50,677 --> 00:21:52,846
And it’s small and cheap

394
00:21:52,879 --> 00:21:54,715
but it’s the only thing
I could find.

395
00:21:56,617 --> 00:21:57,884
I love surprises.

396
00:21:57,918 --> 00:21:58,952
It’s a neck pillow.

397
00:22:03,757 --> 00:22:06,527
Oh, Larry,
I love it.

398
00:22:06,560 --> 00:22:08,562
When my lip heals,
I’ll, I’ll blow it up for you.

399
00:22:10,631 --> 00:22:12,032
Cuddle break?

400
00:22:12,065 --> 00:22:14,801
[instrumental music]

401
00:22:23,844 --> 00:22:24,878
Uh‐uh, uh‐uh.

402
00:22:24,911 --> 00:22:27,013
[dog barking]

403
00:22:27,047 --> 00:22:28,815
[dog snarls]

404
00:22:32,118 --> 00:22:35,021
Balki...wh‐why isn’t he
chasing you?

405
00:22:35,055 --> 00:22:36,422
I don’t know, cousin.

406
00:22:36,456 --> 00:22:37,624
I grew up on a farm.

407
00:22:37,658 --> 00:22:40,493
I just have a way with animals.
Isn’t that right, boy?

408
00:22:40,527 --> 00:22:42,896
[dog barking]

409
00:22:42,929 --> 00:22:44,831
Oh, oh. Uh‐ah. Oh, oh‐oh.

410
00:22:47,534 --> 00:22:50,504
[both shouting]

411
00:22:55,609 --> 00:22:58,411
[theme music]