[theme music]
♪ Sometimes the world looks perfect ♪
♪ Nothing to rearrange ♪
♪ Sometimes you just get a feeling ♪
♪ Like you need some kind of change ♪
♪ No matter what the odds are this time ♪
♪ Nothing’s gonna stand in my way ♪
♪ This flame in my heart ♪
♪ And a long lost friend ♪
♪ Gives every dark street a light at the end ♪
♪ Standing tall ♪
♪ On the wings of my dream ♪
♪ Rise and fall ♪
♪ On the wings of my dream ♪
♪ The rain and thunder ♪
♪ The wind and haze ♪
♪ I’m bound for better days ♪
♪ Oo‐oh ♪
♪ It’s my life and my dream ♪
♪ Nothing’s gonna stop me now ♪
[music continues]
Hi, Jen, I’m home.
I‐I’m sorry I’m late. The traffic was terrible.
Larry...
Oh. Oh, sweetheart.
Sweetheart, I’m‐I’m so sorry.
Oh, I‐I didn’t see you there.
Although, I don’t know how I could have missed you.
[laughs]
No, I mean, not that you’re not that you’re too big to miss.
No, just, no, I didn’t mean I‐I‐I...
And I’ll‐I’ll stop talking now.
Is there, is there anything I can do for you, precious?
Yes, have this baby.
Alright, I know you’re a little overdue and I understand.
I do. Really.
But you are gonna have this baby any day now.
No, Larry, I’ve been pregnant so long
that this baby is gonna go
straight from delivery room to college.
Well, at least we’ll miss the toilet training.
♪ Boochi boochi boochi ♪
[gasps]
♪ Boochi boochi boochi ♪
Alright, it hasn’t escaped our notice
that some people in this house
we’re not gonna mention names...
No.
...have been a little less than jolly.
But we have just the way to turn them frowns upside down.
We’re going to a place that’s big and colorful
where barnyard animals roam freely.
No, it’s not my bedroom.
[laughs]
Where do I come up with them?
We’re going to the fair.
‐Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. ‐Wheee.
Oo‐ah.
And Balki’s gonna enter his boysenberry pig gut preserves
in the jams and jellies contest.
Come on, you guys, you want to be
the first in line at the petting zoo
because later in the afternoon the animals get so cranky.
So, come on, come on, come on‐‐
Hold it. Hold it. Hold it. Hold it. Hold it.
Are you crazy?
We are not going to the fair.
Jennifer is in no condition to be
waddling around the fairgrounds.
She can barely waddle around here.
Now, I mean, just look at her.
I think they get the picture, Larry.
The fair is out of the question.
Okay, forget the fair. We’ll go miniature golfing.
We’ll just sort of golf around her. Just...
Balki.
Balki, take a hike.
Okay, a hike.
Even though that seems a bit more strenuous
than the fair.
Get out.
‐What? ‐Get out. Get out now.
Well, excuse us for trying to bring
a little bit of joy into your lives.
Come on, Mary Anne, let’s forget this whole ugly incident
at the Square Dance Pavilion.
[sighing]
Larry, I’m a little hungry.
Would you fix me something to eat?
Sure.
Maybe some...fresh fruit
a‐a tossed salad, some cheese
a pot roast with those little round potatoes
Oh, wait a minute, what am I thinking?
I couldn’t finish that much food.
Um, forget the little potatoes.
[Jennifer exhaling]
Sweetheart, uh, if you’re going to
practice your Lamaze breathing remember
you have to start with a cleansing breath.
[inhales and exhales]
Hmh?
Come on, try it with me now.
Larry, honey... I’m not practicing.
‐I’m having the baby. ‐What? What?
We have to go to the hospital.
I’ll, um, I’ll write Balki and Mary Anne a note.
Okay, good, good. You write them the note.
Alright. Alright. I’ll‐I’ll get the car.
Where are the keys? Alright, no. Where’s the Maalox?
Huh? No, where’s my jacket?
Where is your suitcase?
[blabbering]
[breathing heavily]
Jen, we have to talk.
Now, in the last week we have gone to the hospital
numerous times and you know how it goes, it’s always the same.
You tell me you’re in labor, I have a mini‐breakdown.
Somehow we get out the door, I drive on the sidewalk
we get to the hospital and we find out
it is false labor, false labor, Jen.
And then we come home and then I have to go back to the hospital
and have my blood pressure lowered.
Now, I‐I only have one trip left in me, Jen.
If we’re going to do this, I have to know
that this is the real thing.
This is the real thing, Larry.
We have to go to the hospital.
We have to go now.
Okay, okay, alright, alright.
Alright‐alright, just‐just so long as you know
what you’re getting yourself into.
Okay, alright. Here we go.
Alright, okay, I’ll get the car.
Alright, where’s my keys? Alright, no.
Where the Maalox? Huh. Where’s my jacket?
No, where’s the suitcase?
Alright. Let’s go. Come on. Let’s go.
Let’s go. Alright, here we go.
[panting] I’m breathing too fast.
We’re not gonna make it. Just clear the sidewalks.
‐Whoop. ‐Oh.
♪ Who’s got the pain when they do the mambo ♪
♪ Who’s got the pain when they go hoo ♪
♪ Who’s got the pain when they do the mambo ♪
♪ I don’t know who do you ♪
♪ Someone must be sick with the heat ♪
♪ Or stepping on everyone’s feet ♪
♪ But if everyone’s feeling okay ♪
♪ Why don’t they just say ole ♪
Ow.
Oh, Balki, I’m sorry your boysenberry
pig gut preserves didn’t win first prize.
Well, that’s okay, I guess they just hated my guts.
Where do I come up with them?
Thank you for winning Bobo for me.
I just love him. He’s so cute.
And I love you, too, Mary Anne.
And remember, only you can prevent forest fires.
Okay.
Okay, Bobo, take a break.
[both sighing]
Oh, Balki, look a note.
"We’ve gone to the hospital. I’m having my baby."
Gee, I wonder who it could be from.
Oh, for heaven’s sake, Mary Anne.
See, it’s on my stationery.
‐Hmm... ‐Hmm...
‐It’s from Jennifer. ‐It’s from Jennifer.
‐Jennifer’s having her baby. ‐We have to call the hospital.
Uh, no, no, no, we have to go to the florist.
No, no, no, we have to call the florist.
We have to go to the florist
and call the hospital from the florist.
‐Oh... ‐Oh...
‐Congratulations. ‐Oh, congratulations.
You had a baby. Oh, my goodness.
We’re home.
And‐and‐and you’re home in only one day. What stamina.
You must be part Myposian.
Oh, Jennifer, I’m so happy for you.
I think I’m gonna cry.
Jennifer didn’t have the baby.
Well, that‐that would explain why she’s still so huge.
You didn’t have the baby?
It was another false alarm.
‐Oh. ‐Oh.
I hyperventilated, drove on the sidewalk.
Jennifer yelled, screamed, pulled the nurse’s hair...
You know, the usual.
[laughing]
Mary Anne, please, there’s nothing funny
about what I’m going through.
[giggling]
I’m sorry, Jennifer. I wasn’t laughing at you.
[giggling]
Oh, I know what it is.
You’re‐you’re thinking about the way I looked
in the Fun House mirror.
No, but that’s funny, too.
[giggling]
Oh, I feel all funny inside.
I think I’m having my baby.
Really?
Yes. Oh.
You can’t be having your baby.
I’m‐I’m due before you are. It’s my turn.
Larry, make her stop.
Oh, uh, well, l‐listen, um, uh, Mary Anne, this is‐this is
kind of a touchy subject with Jennifer right now.
Is‐is there any way that‐that you could just
hold off, on hold on having that baby?
[giggling]
I don’t think so, Larry. Oh, boy.
Okay, now listen everyone. Listen, listen, listen.
Here’s the plan.
Now, uh, Jennifer, would you please walk
Mary Anne to the car?
And, um, I’ll call the doctor and tell him to meet us
at the hospital and Cousin Larry
you get the pig snout pacifier.
Alright, go.
Oh.
Mary Anne, you’re gonna hear a lot of ugly things
about my behavior at the hospital today.
Unfortunately, it’s all true.
Yes, hello. Uh, this is Balki Bartokomous.
My wife, Mary Anne Bartokomous, is on her way to the hospital.
She is in labor.
Would you... Yes, I’ll hold.
Oh, yes, hello. Ah, uh, yes.
And would you please tell Dr. Ives
that we are on our way to the hospital
and would he please meet us there?
Okay, thank you.
Oh, I’m fine. I’m fine.
Are you, are you okay?
Alright, thank you very much. Bye‐bye.
Boy, you are gone.
Well, I will be in just a second.
Who do you think you are fooling with this "I am in control" act?
I am in control.
No, you just think you’re in control.
You’re in the midst of a major breakdown.
‐What? ‐And you’re in denial.
‐No, I’m not. ‐See?
Oh, my God, you’re right. What am I denying?
Alright, you are facing one of the most
important moments of your adult life
and you are starting to realize
that millions of things can go wrong.
What can go wrong?
Well, just getting to the hospital.
What if you run out of gas?
What if you get stuck in a traffic jam?
What if the transmission falls out?
What if I hit a cow and then I have to bury it
and comfort the other cows?
That’s right, that’s right.
Just go with those feelings, buddy.
Just‐just let it happen. Go ahead.
Oh, cousin, oh, cousin, I‐I‐I didn’t mean to hit her.
She ran out in front of my car.
She was, she was chasing a salt lick.
One minute she was a happy, productive little heifer
and the next, ground chuck.
That’s good. That’s good.
Guys, the most amazing thing just happened.
Mary Anne had the baby in the car.
‐What? ‐Balki, you have a son.
Did you hear that, cousin?
I have a son.
Well, congratulations.
Well, come on, we’ve gotta get ’em both to the hospital.
Yeah, but‐but what if something goes wrong?
What if, uh, what if, uh, I run out of gas
or‐or the transmission on my car falls out or I hit another cow?
The other cows know about me now.
Okay, Balki, Balki, Balki.
Just get a hold of yourself.
Yeah, yeah. You’re right. You’re right. Gotcha. I’m fine.
‐Okay, let’s go. ‐Okay.
Balki, I’ve been going over this and over this.
There has to be something different
that Mary Anne did that made her go into labor so early.
I’ve got to find out what it was and do it.
I’ve got to have this baby now.
Well, Jennifer, no one wants you to have this baby more than I do
but I don’t think anything Mary Anne did had anything to do
with her going into labor.
Maybe you’re right, sweetheart.
Could you fix me a Pop Tart?
And cut it into little tiny squares like I like it?
Well, of course, honey.
Anything for my little mother‐to‐be.
’My little mother‐to‐be.’
Balki, tell me everything Mary Anne did yesterday
up until she went into labor.
Okay, but first I have a really important question for you.
Is this the cutest nose you’ve ever seen in your life or what?
It’s adorable.
Don’t worry he’ll grow into it.
Balki, what did Mary Anne do yesterday?
She had my child.
Little Robespierre Boinki Bartokomous...
A‐K‐A...
(both) The cutest baby in the world.
Oh‐ho‐ho.
I’ve taken a photograph of him every hour for the last two days
and I’ve just realized if I flip them real fast
you can see him grow.
‐Baby’s first steps. ‐Oh, okay, okay, okay.
Balki, I need to know everything Mary Anne did
leading up to the birth of little Robespierre Boinki.
Well, let’s see, uh, she didn’t do much of anything
until we went to the fair.
Mary Anne spent $36 at the coin toss
and she won a moustache comb which...
...which she gave to the Bearded Lady
’cause she’s such a giving soul.
And all that time, unbeknownst to us
Little Robespierre Boinki was planning
to make his little entrance into the world.
[laughs] Look at those cheeks.
Don’t you just wanna pinch them?
I wanna have my own little baby
with little cheeks to pinch.
I wanna have 48 pictures
of my own baby.
Forty‐nine if you count the double exposure.
Look, see where it’s like a car coming through his head.
Balki, you could help me have this baby.
Huh?
You could help little Robespierre Boinki
have a little cousin to play with.
All you have to do is just tell me what Mary Anne did.
After the coin toss
we went for a helium balloon ride
and then she wanted a corn dog which I really don’t understand.
’Cause it’s not corn and it’s not a dog, what is it?
Jennifer, are you still trying to figure out
what Mary Anne did?
‐Because I don’t‐‐ ‐Balloon ride.
It makes perfect sense.
She went up in a balloon, the air pressure changed
she went into labor.
Well, that is ridiculous.
A‐a balloon ride couldn’t possibly have made
Mary Anne go into labor.
Cousin, it makes perfect sense.
It happens to Myposian astronauts all the time.
We have a birth on every shuttle.
Of course, they only go up as far as we can throw them
but still the principle is exactly the same.
Come on, Jennifer, let’s go get
little Robespierre Boinki a little cousin.
Come on, we’ll put them in a crib
make them do the Dance of Joy with their little booties...
Hey. Hey. Now, hold it, hold it, hold it.
What, are, are you two out of your minds?
I‐I am not gonna let my wife float hundreds of feet
in the air i‐i‐in a, in a balloon.
Cousin, it’s not hundreds of feet.
It’s just fifty feet up and it goes
and‐and there’s rope holding it to the ground.
You know, I bet, I bet we could see the hospital from it.
Maybe‐maybe I could ask Mary Anne to take a picture
of me from little Robespierre Boinki’s
point of view.
Come on, Larry, we have to get to the fair.
Now‐now, sweetheart, listen‐listen.
I know you are not gonna to like this
but I absolutely forbid you to go up in a balloon.
Now, is‐is‐is that gonna be a problem, sweetheart?
What do you think?
I think we’re going for a balloon ride.
You see the eyelashes?
‐Yes, they’re adorable. ‐You see those...
Will you guys please hurry up?
We’re coming, sweetheart.
Look at my little boy’s little buttocks. They’re so cute...
I don’t believe this. The balloon is closed.
Uh‐oh, looks like Howard took the day off.
(Jennifer) ’Who’s Howard?’
Well, he runs the balloon ride.
He’s also a wine connoisseur, philosopher
and his thumbs are double‐jointed.
They bend all the way back.
Mine won’t reach.
‐Sure they will. ‐Oh.
Okay. Now let’s‐let’s just forget Howard. Let’s go.
I’m not leaving here until I’ve gone up in this balloon.
Now‐now‐now where do we find this Howard person?
Sweetheart, we are in no condition to be
running all over Chicago looking for some clown named Howard.
Excuse me, cousin, Howard is not the clown.
Arthur is the clown.
He’s right over there, next to the fortune teller.
‐Arthur? Arthur? ‐’Thank you, thank you.’
‐Cousin Larry needs to laugh. ‐’Thank you, thank you.’
Look, look, cousin. See?
Here’s what we’re gonna do.
We’re just gonna go home, get a good night’s rest
and‐and just be here bright and early tomorrow morning.
‐Exactly what I’d suggest. ‐Thank you.
If today didn’t happen to be
the last day of the fair.
Oh, God.
Oh, God, I’m never gonna have this baby.
I’m never gonna have 48 pictures.
I’m never gonna have any chubby little cheeks to pinch.
I’m just gonna have this huge stomach for the rest of my life.
No, you won’t, Jennifer.
I’ll take you up in the balloon myself.
‐Oh, thank you, Balki. ‐Yeah.
No. Hey, now. Hey, let’s not get crazy.
It’s too late, Larry. I am way past crazy.
I’m going up in this balloon with or without you.
Alright, alright. Hold it, hold it, hold it.
Balki, Balki? Are‐are you sure you can do this?
Well, of course I am. Don’t be ridiculous.
Just like the balloons we have on Mypos.
Only ours don’t have any air in them
and they don’t have any baskets.
We call them drop cloths.
‐Let’s get going. ‐Alright.
Alright, wait, wait. Let us help you in.
Here. Come on, Balki. Just, just, okay.
Here we go, here we go, here we go, sweetheart.
Here we go. Alright, alright, I’ve got her.
‐I just got these two back‐‐ ‐Just get in.
Just get in and help her in the basket.
Help her in the basket now.
Here, I got you, sweetheart. I got you.
Alright, alright, here we go. Here we go.
‐Okay, okay, Jennifer. ‐Alright, there you go.
Okay. Good, good, good.
Okay.
‐Good girl. ‐Balki, help me in.
Come on. Quick, quick, quick, quick.
[panting]
Alright, wait there, sweetheart, Wait there, we’ll help you.
We’ll help you. Hang on. Hang on, we‐we’ll be right there.
[indistinct mumbling]
Alright, come on, let’s just get in. Just get in.
Here we go.
Oh, Larry. Um, there... There we go.
Okay. Okay.
[panting]
Okay, now let’s see, um, yeah, yeah.
It’s all coming back to me now.
I was here, and, uh and Howard was over there
and‐and the McNulty’s were back there
and‐and Mary Anne was right behind me.
And, uh, yeah, this, uh, this rope
uh, it lets you go up and that one brings you back down.
Nope, I think it’s this one.
See‐see the way it’s tied down there?
This is clearly the one.
Larry, are you sure you guys know what you’re doing?
Absolutely.
Well, it’s obvious to anyone
with a brain.
‐This is the one. ‐This is the one.
Cousin, I’m kinda sure it’s this one.
Kinda sure? Kinda sure?
Kinda sure isn’t gonna cut it.
Balki, I am positive it is this one.
No, I was in the basket. I know it.
‐Well, now you’ve done it. ‐Well, now you’ve done it.
‐You pulled the wrong rope. ‐You pulled the wrong rope.
‐Now we can’t get back down. ‐Now we can’t get back down.
(Larry) ’Don’t worry, sweetheart, everything is under control.’
’Balki, get this thing back down on the ground.’
(Balki) ’I can’t get back.’
’I don’t know how it works.’
(Jennifer) ’Oh, my God. The wind is picking up.’
’We’re starting to drift.’
Balki, I’m sorry your boysenberry pig gut preserves...
Stop it.
Balki, I’m sorry your boysenberry pig gut preserves...
I’m really sorry it didn’t win first prize.
Balki, I’m sorry your boysenberry pig gut
preserves didn’t...
Balki, I’m sorry your
boysenberry pig gut preserves...
Balki, I’m sorry
your boysenberry pig gut
preserves didn’t win
first prize...
We’ll be right back with a word from our sponsors.
Balki, I’m sorry your boysenberry pig gut...