1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,080 - And do I sound all right or do I sound like a robot? - 'You sound like you normally do.' - Do I? 2 00:00:07,080 --> 00:00:08,880 Do I sound like I'm in a tin box? 3 00:00:08,880 --> 00:00:10,840 My mum said I sound like I'm underwater. 4 00:00:10,840 --> 00:00:12,600 'Are you underwater?' 5 00:00:12,600 --> 00:00:15,200 No. I'm in the car. What are you on about? 6 00:00:15,200 --> 00:00:17,120 'And where's your phone, on your knee?' 7 00:00:17,120 --> 00:00:20,760 No, no. It's at the side of me. It's all Bluetooth now, it's hands free 8 00:00:20,760 --> 00:00:21,800 'Wow.' 9 00:00:22,960 --> 00:00:26,080 Are you there? Hello? I can't hear you now, you've gone. 10 00:00:26,080 --> 00:00:27,880 Hello? Kayleigh? 11 00:00:27,880 --> 00:00:30,120 'All right, all right, I heard you, 12 00:00:30,120 --> 00:00:32,400 'I just didn't say anything, I'm doing my lippy.' 13 00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:35,040 Lipstick? You best get a wriggle on, I'm nearly here. 14 00:00:35,040 --> 00:00:36,400 - 'What, already?' - Yeah. 15 00:00:36,400 --> 00:00:39,040 'Just hang on, I've not got my bra on yet.' 16 00:00:39,040 --> 00:00:42,880 MUSIC: Labour of Love by Hue And Cry 17 00:01:02,240 --> 00:01:04,000 Just get in the car. 18 00:01:06,760 --> 00:01:09,280 Just get in the car. Come on! 19 00:01:11,440 --> 00:01:14,360 Get in the car. What were you doing? 20 00:01:14,360 --> 00:01:15,920 I was doing me Beyonce. 21 00:01:15,920 --> 00:01:19,200 - Come on, we're going to be late. - All right. 22 00:01:19,200 --> 00:01:21,840 I went to watch her last night at the arena. 23 00:01:21,840 --> 00:01:24,080 She was shamazing! 24 00:01:24,080 --> 00:01:27,600 Best night of my life, ever. 25 00:01:27,600 --> 00:01:28,720 Good then, was she? 26 00:01:28,720 --> 00:01:32,800 Oh, unbelievable, John, two and a half hours, nonstop. 27 00:01:32,800 --> 00:01:35,600 You never said you were going. Did you have a date? 28 00:01:36,600 --> 00:01:39,520 Joking, aren't you? My inbox has been barren for weeks. 29 00:01:39,520 --> 00:01:41,600 No, our Mandy and her mate had a spare ticket, 30 00:01:41,600 --> 00:01:43,040 it was all very last minute. 31 00:01:43,040 --> 00:01:44,960 But OMG! 32 00:01:44,960 --> 00:01:47,440 She was amazing. 33 00:01:47,440 --> 00:01:51,080 And she's sexy but she's not slutty with it. 34 00:01:51,080 --> 00:01:52,880 That's a hard balance, that. 35 00:01:52,880 --> 00:01:56,320 I know, yeah. She makes me feel inadequate as a woman. 36 00:01:56,320 --> 00:01:57,560 I was sat in my onesie, after, 37 00:01:57,560 --> 00:01:59,360 picking crisps out of my teeth thinking, 38 00:01:59,360 --> 00:02:01,720 "I bet Beyonce doesn't do this." 39 00:02:01,720 --> 00:02:04,440 I bet she does. She's human, at the end of the day. 40 00:02:04,440 --> 00:02:09,360 She isn't, John, she squats in heels, how does she do that? 41 00:02:09,360 --> 00:02:12,440 Believe me, I've tried - I nearly broke my back. 42 00:02:12,440 --> 00:02:14,240 And she's gorgeous. 43 00:02:15,320 --> 00:02:16,520 She is. 44 00:02:16,520 --> 00:02:19,920 I mean, I'm not a lesbian, John, but she would get it. 45 00:02:19,920 --> 00:02:21,360 You can't say that. 46 00:02:21,360 --> 00:02:23,440 Our Kelly'll be well jel when she finds out, 47 00:02:23,440 --> 00:02:25,440 she's always wanted to see her, she loves her. 48 00:02:25,440 --> 00:02:28,680 How is your Kelly getting on in Australia, has she settled in yet? 49 00:02:28,680 --> 00:02:31,360 She's OK, yeah. Homesick. 50 00:02:31,360 --> 00:02:34,280 It's a good job Skype's free. I speak to her every night, 51 00:02:34,280 --> 00:02:36,640 I speak to her more now than I did when she was back here. 52 00:02:36,640 --> 00:02:39,400 It is amazing, Skype. We were talking to me cousin the other week. 53 00:02:39,400 --> 00:02:40,520 It were her birthday. 54 00:02:40,520 --> 00:02:42,720 It's nice, yeah, brings people together. 55 00:02:42,720 --> 00:02:46,120 I know, but she only lives three streets away - lazy bitch. 56 00:02:47,240 --> 00:02:50,280 - RADIO: - 'This is Forever FM. 57 00:02:50,280 --> 00:02:54,520 'The cruise ship Ireland Virgin has been hit by a norovirus outbreak 58 00:02:54,520 --> 00:02:57,440 'and is currently languishing in port after reports that more 59 00:02:57,440 --> 00:03:00,720 'than 150 people have suffered from the vomiting bug...' 60 00:03:00,720 --> 00:03:02,080 - Awful. - Oh. 61 00:03:03,760 --> 00:03:06,200 I wish I'd thrown a sickie today. 62 00:03:06,200 --> 00:03:08,000 - Don't be saying that to me. - Why? 63 00:03:09,640 --> 00:03:11,840 I'm management. I could sack you. 64 00:03:11,840 --> 00:03:12,880 As if. 65 00:03:12,880 --> 00:03:16,400 You know when you just fancy a day off? 66 00:03:16,400 --> 00:03:19,080 Lying on the settee with a duvet, 67 00:03:19,080 --> 00:03:23,640 catching up on my soaps. Been ages since I last did that. 68 00:03:23,640 --> 00:03:27,000 I haven't had a sick day... 69 00:03:27,000 --> 00:03:30,160 - I can't remember the last time. - Well, you should try it, 70 00:03:30,160 --> 00:03:33,840 my grandad's died four times in the last ten years. 71 00:03:33,840 --> 00:03:35,200 Eh? 72 00:03:35,200 --> 00:03:37,520 My grandad, he dies every time I get a new job, 73 00:03:37,520 --> 00:03:40,600 - when I fancy a few days off. - You can't do that. 74 00:03:40,600 --> 00:03:43,680 I've never met him - he died before I was born so I don't feel bad. 75 00:03:43,680 --> 00:03:46,400 - That's sacrilege! - Nonsense. - You'll burn in hell. 76 00:03:46,400 --> 00:03:48,840 The only hell I know, John, is standing in the middle 77 00:03:48,840 --> 00:03:52,360 of an aisle trying to get people to sample my Mini Cheddars. 78 00:03:52,360 --> 00:03:55,320 - You don't believe in all that hoopty, do you? - What? 79 00:03:55,320 --> 00:03:58,240 Heaven and hell and the Bible and all that tosh. 80 00:04:00,760 --> 00:04:05,000 - Come on. - What? - You shock me. - Why? 81 00:04:05,000 --> 00:04:07,400 - Really? - Yeah, why? 82 00:04:07,400 --> 00:04:10,360 You'll be telling me dinosaurs existed next. 83 00:04:12,320 --> 00:04:14,680 Are you for real? Of course they existed. 84 00:04:14,680 --> 00:04:16,960 Bullcrap. 85 00:04:16,960 --> 00:04:19,960 Of course they existed, how do you explain the bones? 86 00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:22,920 Bones shmones, you've been brainwashed. 87 00:04:22,920 --> 00:04:25,040 It's all a conspiracy, you know. 88 00:04:25,040 --> 00:04:27,440 Conspiracy? What are you on about? 89 00:04:27,440 --> 00:04:30,760 They just look ridiculous, like... 90 00:04:30,760 --> 00:04:32,920 Stupid. 91 00:04:32,920 --> 00:04:35,920 They don't mention them in the Bible. 92 00:04:35,920 --> 00:04:39,840 they weren't at the Nativity, they weren't on Noah's Ark. 93 00:04:39,840 --> 00:04:41,480 The stories don't match! 94 00:04:41,480 --> 00:04:43,840 What a load of utter shit. 95 00:04:43,840 --> 00:04:45,160 I'm telling you. 96 00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:49,080 I suppose you think the moon landings weren't real or 97 00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:50,680 JFK wasn't assassinated. 98 00:04:50,680 --> 00:04:53,320 - The strong man? - Who? 99 00:04:53,320 --> 00:04:58,520 - Geoff Capes? - JFK, cloth ears! Geoff Capes... 100 00:04:58,520 --> 00:05:01,760 - RADIO: - '...foreverfm.co.uk. 101 00:05:01,760 --> 00:05:05,200 'Katie, David in Rochdale's text in to ask about this hamster, 102 00:05:05,200 --> 00:05:07,240 'the one you had in your kitchen cupboard. 103 00:05:07,240 --> 00:05:09,400 'He wanted to know if it was wearing a top hat.' 104 00:05:09,400 --> 00:05:12,520 Good morning, Mr Magpie, how's your wife? 105 00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:14,200 What did you say? 106 00:05:14,200 --> 00:05:17,560 Good morning, Mr Magpie, how's your wife today? 107 00:05:17,560 --> 00:05:19,480 I just saw a Mr Magpie. 108 00:05:19,480 --> 00:05:21,200 It's on its own, it's bad luck, 109 00:05:21,200 --> 00:05:23,760 so I'll keep my fingers crossed now till I see another. 110 00:05:23,760 --> 00:05:25,400 So you're telling me, you don't 111 00:05:25,400 --> 00:05:28,200 believe in dinosaurs but you're superstitious? 112 00:05:29,240 --> 00:05:32,520 - You're one on your own, you. - Completely different. 113 00:05:32,520 --> 00:05:33,920 Is it balls. 114 00:05:33,920 --> 00:05:35,880 'Course it is. 115 00:05:35,880 --> 00:05:38,400 Would you walk under a ladder? 116 00:05:38,400 --> 00:05:41,280 - Yes. - Open an umbrella indoors? 117 00:05:41,280 --> 00:05:42,680 Why not? 118 00:05:42,680 --> 00:05:45,840 Put new shoes on a kitchen table? Cross on the stairs? 119 00:05:45,840 --> 00:05:47,680 Step on a crack? 120 00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:51,200 Watch me, cos it's all utter bollocks, love. 121 00:05:51,200 --> 00:05:52,720 No wonder you're single, John. 122 00:05:52,720 --> 00:05:55,360 What's that got to do with anything? 123 00:05:55,360 --> 00:05:58,760 Superstitious. You're as bad as me dad, he were like that. 124 00:05:58,760 --> 00:06:01,200 If he ever saw a hearse he used to have to hold his collar 125 00:06:01,200 --> 00:06:03,200 until he saw a four legged animal. 126 00:06:03,200 --> 00:06:04,240 How annoying. 127 00:06:04,240 --> 00:06:06,840 You're telling me, he was an undertaker. Got sod all done. 128 00:06:06,840 --> 00:06:08,640 Was he really? 129 00:06:08,640 --> 00:06:10,000 No. 130 00:06:12,320 --> 00:06:17,200 RADIO: 'Playing timeless hits now and forever and ever and ever. 131 00:06:17,200 --> 00:06:20,440 'This is Forever FM.' 132 00:06:20,440 --> 00:06:23,640 So have you got anything exciting happening today? 133 00:06:23,640 --> 00:06:26,600 I've got to arbitrate a disciplinary first up. 134 00:06:26,600 --> 00:06:28,080 Whose? 135 00:06:28,080 --> 00:06:29,640 - I can't say. - Whose? 136 00:06:30,840 --> 00:06:33,920 Janine Cosgrove and Elsie off deli. 137 00:06:33,920 --> 00:06:36,680 Oh, yeah, what a carry on that was. Did you see it? 138 00:06:36,680 --> 00:06:37,920 I arrived at the headlock. 139 00:06:37,920 --> 00:06:39,880 She was dragging her round by her hair. 140 00:06:39,880 --> 00:06:42,720 I know. Like a dog on a bitch. 141 00:06:42,720 --> 00:06:46,240 Well, I'm surprised they've lasted this long car sharing. 142 00:06:46,240 --> 00:06:50,160 Janine's a strict vegan, Elsie's meat mad. Her farts stink. 143 00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:52,760 She's been doing red days on Slimming World for years now. 144 00:06:52,760 --> 00:06:56,320 Slimming World? Have you seen the size of her? 145 00:06:56,320 --> 00:06:58,600 Think she's got a problem with her glands. 146 00:06:58,600 --> 00:07:01,520 She's a problem with her hands - they can't stop picking up quiche 147 00:07:01,520 --> 00:07:05,320 and shoving it into her fat mouth! I've seen the security cameras, 148 00:07:05,320 --> 00:07:07,520 we're losing a fortune on that deli. 149 00:07:07,520 --> 00:07:10,600 She's on her third written already, so she'll be up the road. 150 00:07:10,600 --> 00:07:13,160 - Oh, you can't do that to her, John. - She broke Janine's nose! 151 00:07:13,160 --> 00:07:16,960 Oh, I know, but she's had a really crap year, bless her. 152 00:07:16,960 --> 00:07:18,280 She's been a victim to arson 153 00:07:18,280 --> 00:07:20,600 and her mum's lost her leg to diabetes - 154 00:07:20,600 --> 00:07:23,600 - she put the pictures on Facebook. - Of her mum? 155 00:07:23,600 --> 00:07:25,560 No, her husband's allotment. 156 00:07:25,560 --> 00:07:28,960 Kids set fire to it, they lost a full crop of marrows. 157 00:07:28,960 --> 00:07:31,160 Oh. Well, I'm filling up here(!) 158 00:07:32,600 --> 00:07:34,280 # Never let go, gotta hold on and 159 00:07:34,280 --> 00:07:35,840 # Nonstop till the break of dawn and 160 00:07:35,840 --> 00:07:38,440 - # Keep moving, don't stop rocking - Ah 161 00:07:38,440 --> 00:07:39,880 # Get on up... # 162 00:07:39,880 --> 00:07:43,320 So I've got that first up and then it's our team awayday today. 163 00:07:43,320 --> 00:07:46,160 Oh, where are you off to? Anywhere nice? 164 00:07:46,160 --> 00:07:49,560 Nowhere, Dave Thomson decided to make use of the big meeting room, 165 00:07:49,560 --> 00:07:51,440 so we're stopping in. 166 00:07:51,440 --> 00:07:52,840 Bit of a pisser. 167 00:07:52,840 --> 00:07:55,560 Last year we all had a beano to Abersoch. 168 00:07:55,560 --> 00:07:58,440 Oh, it's lovely there, 169 00:07:58,440 --> 00:08:01,120 we had our Mandy's hen weekend there, all-inclusive. 170 00:08:01,120 --> 00:08:05,920 I put on a stone in 48 hours and snogged a pikey with moobs. 171 00:08:05,920 --> 00:08:09,880 - What? - Moobs. You know, man boobs. They were bigger than mine. 172 00:08:09,880 --> 00:08:10,960 You can't say that. 173 00:08:10,960 --> 00:08:13,800 Well, they were, he could have breast-fed a creche! 174 00:08:13,800 --> 00:08:14,880 No, you can't say pikey. 175 00:08:16,720 --> 00:08:18,840 But he was a pikey, John. 176 00:08:18,840 --> 00:08:21,880 He might have been but they don't like you saying that about them. 177 00:08:23,440 --> 00:08:26,520 Anyway, I snogged a tinker with moobs. 178 00:08:26,520 --> 00:08:29,000 He had really rough skin on his hands - 179 00:08:29,000 --> 00:08:33,000 - must have been from spinning all them waltzers. - Jesus. 180 00:08:33,000 --> 00:08:35,400 # I know it's not much but it's OK 181 00:08:35,400 --> 00:08:38,440 # We'll keep on movin' on anyway... # 182 00:08:38,440 --> 00:08:41,360 Well, that's not much of an awayday, staying in work. 183 00:08:41,360 --> 00:08:43,880 It's not all day either, it's only 11 till 3. 184 00:08:45,040 --> 00:08:48,000 Just like a long lunch. What's on your agenda? 185 00:08:49,520 --> 00:08:52,840 Erm, this one's about team building, trust strategies 186 00:08:52,840 --> 00:08:55,640 and motivational role-play. 187 00:08:55,640 --> 00:08:57,400 - What a load of hoopty. - Why? 188 00:08:57,400 --> 00:08:59,360 Well, it is. 189 00:08:59,360 --> 00:09:00,560 Just a waste of money, 190 00:09:00,560 --> 00:09:03,440 - I'm sure it could be put to better use. - Like? 191 00:09:06,360 --> 00:09:09,480 Well, the vending machine's been stuck on Scotch broth 192 00:09:09,480 --> 00:09:11,440 since the Olympics 193 00:09:11,440 --> 00:09:13,920 and the disabled toilet's got a crack in it. 194 00:09:13,920 --> 00:09:15,480 I nipped my bum twice last week. 195 00:09:15,480 --> 00:09:17,160 You shouldn't even be using it. 196 00:09:17,160 --> 00:09:20,320 - Oh, come on, we've all done it. - I've not. 197 00:09:20,320 --> 00:09:22,600 Jobsworth. 198 00:09:22,600 --> 00:09:24,760 All I'm saying is, what's the point of having 199 00:09:24,760 --> 00:09:27,160 a management awayday like this? 200 00:09:27,160 --> 00:09:29,760 Well, it's all about pushing the envelope, innit? 201 00:09:29,760 --> 00:09:33,280 Like moving things forward and knowing we're all giving 110%. 202 00:09:33,280 --> 00:09:36,680 Bullcrap. Do you go on a course to learn that jive? 203 00:09:36,680 --> 00:09:38,000 What jive? 204 00:09:38,000 --> 00:09:42,080 Business speak - 110%, pushing your envelope 205 00:09:42,080 --> 00:09:43,760 and all that guff. 206 00:09:43,760 --> 00:09:46,200 "Somebody's thrown me a curve ball." 207 00:09:46,200 --> 00:09:49,440 I mean, what a load of old balls. Who speaks like that? 208 00:09:49,440 --> 00:09:52,720 - I don't know. - Why do you say it then? 209 00:09:52,720 --> 00:09:54,560 You're in a good mood(!) 210 00:09:54,560 --> 00:09:56,680 I think you should have thrown that sickie. 211 00:09:56,680 --> 00:10:01,680 - RADIO: - 'Sit in a shed this weekend with shed surgery and Forever FM.' 212 00:10:01,680 --> 00:10:04,120 'Forever FM traffic and travel 213 00:10:04,120 --> 00:10:06,400 'brought to you by Brighter Day Careers. 214 00:10:06,400 --> 00:10:09,400 'Stuck in a dead-end job going nowhere fast? 215 00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:13,600 'Log on to brighterdaycareers.co.uk and get your career back on track.' 216 00:10:13,600 --> 00:10:14,920 Aww, cute. 217 00:10:14,920 --> 00:10:18,400 'Still looking slow on the M62 between junction 18 and 19...' 218 00:10:18,400 --> 00:10:20,680 - Look at this. Where's he going? - CAR HORN BEEPS 219 00:10:20,680 --> 00:10:22,360 Oh, let it go. What are you doing? 220 00:10:22,360 --> 00:10:24,040 It's an adult crossing. 221 00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:26,040 It's for kids. It's for kids this, mate. 222 00:10:26,040 --> 00:10:28,800 - What did you say? - You've no kids with you. It's not for adults. 223 00:10:28,800 --> 00:10:31,040 - Say that again. - Lock your doors, lock your doors. 224 00:10:31,040 --> 00:10:33,040 Say that again to my face. 225 00:10:33,040 --> 00:10:34,600 Never you mind. Hurry up, love. 226 00:10:34,600 --> 00:10:37,600 - Yeah? How's that, eh? - Oh, you animal! - Go on! 227 00:10:37,600 --> 00:10:41,800 - Idiot. - Yeah, you'd better drive off, you bald bastard. 228 00:10:41,800 --> 00:10:43,520 - I can't see. - What were you doing? 229 00:10:43,520 --> 00:10:45,200 Well, it's a kids' crossing, isn't it? 230 00:10:45,200 --> 00:10:47,240 - I'm up to bloody here with it. - He was quite fit. 231 00:10:47,240 --> 00:10:50,680 I can't see a pissing thing now. Look at that egg. 232 00:10:50,680 --> 00:10:53,320 - I can't see nothing. - You're making it worse. 233 00:10:56,120 --> 00:10:58,520 'This is Forever FM.' 234 00:10:58,520 --> 00:11:00,480 MUSIC: MMMBop by Hanson 235 00:11:00,480 --> 00:11:01,920 Do we have to do this? 236 00:11:01,920 --> 00:11:05,280 I can't see out the windscreen. Animal. 237 00:11:05,280 --> 00:11:07,320 Should've opened me car door and winded him. 238 00:11:07,320 --> 00:11:08,800 Do we really need to do this, John? 239 00:11:08,800 --> 00:11:12,040 It's all right. I'm not having the full platinum. 240 00:11:13,440 --> 00:11:16,080 - Here we go. - Are your windows up? Are your windows up? 241 00:11:16,080 --> 00:11:17,360 It's up, it's up. 242 00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:24,280 Here she comes. 243 00:11:24,280 --> 00:11:27,400 I can't do it. I can't do this, I can't do this, John. 244 00:11:27,400 --> 00:11:29,520 Hey, get off me. What's up with you? 245 00:11:29,520 --> 00:11:32,040 We shouldn't have done this. MUSIC BLARES 246 00:11:32,040 --> 00:11:34,240 - Are you deaf? - I can't stand the noise. 247 00:11:34,240 --> 00:11:36,160 What, MMMBop - Hanson? 248 00:11:36,160 --> 00:11:38,240 What's the matter with you? 249 00:11:38,240 --> 00:11:40,960 It's the water, there's just water everywhere. 250 00:11:40,960 --> 00:11:42,400 It's a carwash. What's up? 251 00:11:42,400 --> 00:11:44,400 I'm aquaphobic. Got to get out. 252 00:11:44,400 --> 00:11:45,880 Let me out, let me out! 253 00:11:45,880 --> 00:11:48,240 We can't get out now, I only have half the car washed. 254 00:11:48,240 --> 00:11:49,840 It cost me £6.50! 255 00:11:49,840 --> 00:11:52,800 - I'm having a panic attack. - Now? You pick your moments. 256 00:11:52,800 --> 00:11:55,480 - I'm going all funny. - Think happy thoughts. 257 00:11:55,480 --> 00:11:59,120 Breathe. Just breathe. Think happy thoughts. 258 00:11:59,120 --> 00:12:02,400 Just think happy thoughts. Think happy thoughts. 259 00:12:04,400 --> 00:12:06,560 # Said, oh, yeah 260 00:12:06,560 --> 00:12:08,880 # In an mmmbop they're gone 261 00:12:10,000 --> 00:12:13,280 # Yeah, yeah 262 00:12:13,280 --> 00:12:15,960 # Plant a seed plant a flower, plant a rose 263 00:12:15,960 --> 00:12:18,200 # You can plant any one of those 264 00:12:18,200 --> 00:12:20,960 # Keep planting to find out which one grows 265 00:12:20,960 --> 00:12:25,320 # It's a secret no-one knows 266 00:12:25,320 --> 00:12:27,920 # It's a secret no-one knows 267 00:12:27,920 --> 00:12:31,680 # Oh, no-one knows 268 00:12:31,680 --> 00:12:33,680 # Mmmbop, ba duba dop 269 00:12:33,680 --> 00:12:35,960 # Ba du bop, ba duba dop 270 00:12:35,960 --> 00:12:38,000 # Ba du bop, ba duba dop 271 00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:40,480 # Ba du, yeah 272 00:12:40,480 --> 00:12:42,360 # Mmmbop, ba duba dop 273 00:12:42,360 --> 00:12:45,000 # Ba du bop, ba du dop 274 00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:46,960 # Ba du bop, ba du dop 275 00:12:46,960 --> 00:12:50,280 # Ba du, yeah 276 00:12:50,280 --> 00:12:52,480 # Can you tell me? Oh 277 00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:54,800 # No, you can't cos you don't know 278 00:12:54,800 --> 00:12:57,120 # Can you tell me? Oh, yeah 279 00:12:57,120 --> 00:12:59,360 # You say you can but you don't know 280 00:12:59,360 --> 00:13:02,320 - # Can you tell me? Oh - Which flower's going to grow? 281 00:13:02,320 --> 00:13:04,760 # No, you can't cos you don't know... # 282 00:13:09,960 --> 00:13:13,800 It's all right, it's all gone now, deep breaths, that's it. 283 00:13:13,800 --> 00:13:15,400 SHE CHOKES 284 00:13:15,400 --> 00:13:18,640 Shit, what's up? What's up? 285 00:13:21,400 --> 00:13:22,600 What's that? 286 00:13:23,960 --> 00:13:26,920 Poppadom. Oh, I'm sorry, I had that last night. 287 00:13:26,920 --> 00:13:28,320 Sorry, sorry, sorry. 288 00:13:29,920 --> 00:13:31,800 - RADIO: - '...with Lancashire Scrap Metal. 289 00:13:31,800 --> 00:13:38,080 'If the outlook is rubbish, call Keith on 08081-570-075.' 290 00:13:38,080 --> 00:13:39,560 'So, here we go again, then. 291 00:13:39,560 --> 00:13:41,720 'The Forever FM Golden Hour with hits 292 00:13:41,720 --> 00:13:44,640 'and headlines from a chosen year. "It could be you." 293 00:13:44,640 --> 00:13:47,120 'That's what the National Lottery started telling us 294 00:13:47,120 --> 00:13:49,120 'in this year and I've only ever had one ball. 295 00:13:49,120 --> 00:13:51,440 'The Lion King was stealing our hearts in the cinema, 296 00:13:51,440 --> 00:13:54,680 'whilst Fred and Primrose West were arrested for the murders 297 00:13:54,680 --> 00:13:58,240 'of 12 women in Gloucester but what was the year? Let me know. 298 00:13:58,240 --> 00:14:01,000 You're listening to the Golden Hour on Forever FM. 299 00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:02,880 'The Forever FM Golden Hour.' 300 00:14:03,960 --> 00:14:06,240 MUSIC: Bump N'Grind by R. Kelly 301 00:14:06,240 --> 00:14:08,560 '94. Wahey! 302 00:14:10,280 --> 00:14:11,960 Feeling better? 303 00:14:13,600 --> 00:14:14,920 You look a bit rough. 304 00:14:16,560 --> 00:14:18,600 - Thanks. - Well, you do. 305 00:14:28,240 --> 00:14:30,240 John! 306 00:14:30,240 --> 00:14:32,880 Oh, frig me. What time's the circus? 307 00:14:32,880 --> 00:14:35,760 - You what? - Yeah, look at your face, Coco. 308 00:14:38,040 --> 00:14:40,160 Oh, shit, I thought it was me lip balm. 309 00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:45,240 - Why've I done that? - You look like Ivy Tilsley. 310 00:14:45,240 --> 00:14:47,880 Thought you were dolling yourself up for Superted. 311 00:14:47,880 --> 00:14:51,080 He gets where water can't, this lad. 312 00:14:51,080 --> 00:14:55,240 # I don't see nothing wrong 313 00:14:55,240 --> 00:14:57,680 # With a little bump and grind 314 00:14:57,680 --> 00:14:59,800 Look at him, he's filthy 315 00:14:59,800 --> 00:15:01,640 Fingers crossed. 316 00:15:01,640 --> 00:15:03,560 Oh, so you're feeling better. 317 00:15:03,560 --> 00:15:06,440 I'm not, actually, me head's banging now, 318 00:15:06,440 --> 00:15:08,200 I told you I should have done a sickie. 319 00:15:08,200 --> 00:15:11,480 Well, too late now. Up and at 'em. Come on. 320 00:15:11,480 --> 00:15:14,920 Wait, I can't go into work looking like this. 321 00:15:14,920 --> 00:15:16,760 Well, you lock her up, Baby Jane. 322 00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:30,680 MUSIC IN CAR: How Bizarre by OMC 323 00:15:33,560 --> 00:15:36,520 - You all right? - Not really. - What's up? 324 00:15:37,920 --> 00:15:40,200 Dave Thomson is a N-O-B head. 325 00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:43,440 He's just had a right go at me in front of everyone, I'm fuming! 326 00:15:43,440 --> 00:15:44,480 Why? What for? 327 00:15:44,480 --> 00:15:47,040 Because I priced up an iceberg lettuce as a cabbage. 328 00:15:47,040 --> 00:15:49,880 What do I know about fruit and veg? I'm promotions. 329 00:15:49,880 --> 00:15:51,800 What were you doing on fruit and veg? 330 00:15:51,800 --> 00:15:54,480 I was covering for Gayle, she's gone for a smear. 331 00:15:54,480 --> 00:15:58,000 I priced up a "couple" of iceberg lettuce as cabbage. 332 00:15:58,000 --> 00:15:59,120 How come? 333 00:15:59,120 --> 00:16:02,080 Because they look exactly the same, that's how come. 334 00:16:02,080 --> 00:16:04,200 Yeah, but they don't cost the same, do they? 335 00:16:04,200 --> 00:16:06,000 I only sold about eight. 336 00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:07,760 Next minute he comes over booming, 337 00:16:07,760 --> 00:16:09,240 IRISH ACCENT: "Stop right there, 338 00:16:09,240 --> 00:16:12,440 "you've cost this company a fortune today, missy." Missy! 339 00:16:12,440 --> 00:16:15,240 That's uncanny. I thought he was sat in the back, then. 340 00:16:15,240 --> 00:16:16,880 Waving fruit and veg in me face. 341 00:16:16,880 --> 00:16:19,800 "See this? This is a banana. This, this is a tomato." 342 00:16:19,800 --> 00:16:21,040 Sarcastic pig. 343 00:16:21,040 --> 00:16:22,480 A tomato's not a fruit. 344 00:16:23,640 --> 00:16:25,320 Oh, don't you start. 345 00:16:25,320 --> 00:16:29,080 # Every time I look around 346 00:16:29,080 --> 00:16:32,040 # Every time I look around 347 00:16:32,040 --> 00:16:34,000 # It's in my face. # 348 00:16:34,000 --> 00:16:36,840 - RADIO: - 'It is the big, big drive home. It's Forever FM. 349 00:16:36,840 --> 00:16:38,040 'Hello, this is Andy. 350 00:16:38,040 --> 00:16:40,440 'Have you had a good day today? We hope you have. 351 00:16:40,440 --> 00:16:43,600 'Here's a question for you - have you ever used Botox? 352 00:16:43,600 --> 00:16:45,720 'Apparently, scientists are now looking at...' 353 00:16:45,720 --> 00:16:48,320 - What happened earlier? - When? 354 00:16:48,320 --> 00:16:52,000 This morning in the carwash, like. What happened? 355 00:16:52,000 --> 00:16:55,240 I'm so sorry, I haven't had an episode like that in ages. 356 00:16:57,000 --> 00:17:00,240 You said aquaphobia. 357 00:17:00,240 --> 00:17:04,080 Yeah, it just came over me before. I had it really bad years ago. 358 00:17:04,080 --> 00:17:05,880 I had to go to counselling for it. 359 00:17:05,880 --> 00:17:08,280 You're joking. I didn't think you could get it that bad. 360 00:17:08,280 --> 00:17:09,760 Oh, yeah, awful. 361 00:17:09,760 --> 00:17:12,640 I didn't even have a bath or shower in the second year. 362 00:17:12,640 --> 00:17:14,520 I know. Really traumatic. 363 00:17:14,520 --> 00:17:15,760 How did you cope? 364 00:17:15,760 --> 00:17:18,560 Wet wipes, John. Saved me life. 365 00:17:18,560 --> 00:17:22,080 Where did you get it, like? You're not born aquaphobic are you? 366 00:17:22,080 --> 00:17:24,760 - I mean... - No. Well, it started... 367 00:17:24,760 --> 00:17:27,280 Me mum bought me a cheap swimming cossie off the market 368 00:17:27,280 --> 00:17:30,520 and I got allergic to all the pink, glittery butterflies on it. 369 00:17:30,520 --> 00:17:32,880 My skin went just all red and itchy and eugh! 370 00:17:32,880 --> 00:17:34,400 Anyway, me mum lost her mind, 371 00:17:34,400 --> 00:17:36,600 took it back to the woman who ran the stall. 372 00:17:36,600 --> 00:17:38,040 Anaphylactic? 373 00:17:38,040 --> 00:17:39,920 I don't know her name. 374 00:17:39,920 --> 00:17:41,960 No, I mean, that's what it is, isn't it? 375 00:17:41,960 --> 00:17:44,400 When you're allergic to something, it's anaphylactic. 376 00:17:44,400 --> 00:17:46,520 You get symptoms, like, you get a rash and that. 377 00:17:46,520 --> 00:17:48,160 Well, I did. 378 00:17:48,160 --> 00:17:50,920 Swelled up like a beachball but just in the shape of me cossie. 379 00:17:50,920 --> 00:17:54,240 Weird. Anyway, the woman wouldn't give us a refund. 380 00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:56,960 Me mum lost her mind, sent the cossie to Esther Rantzen. 381 00:17:56,960 --> 00:17:58,880 Never heard anything back. 382 00:17:58,880 --> 00:18:01,760 It took me years to pluck up the courage to go back in the water 383 00:18:01,760 --> 00:18:04,880 and when I finally did, I swallowed a plaster in Rhyl Sun Centre. 384 00:18:04,880 --> 00:18:07,880 - RADIO: - 'And we're conduction clinical trials to help find a cure 385 00:18:07,880 --> 00:18:11,120 'for asthma and other lung and heart-related conditions. 386 00:18:11,120 --> 00:18:15,480 'You'll need to be available Monday to Friday, 10 till 4 for six weeks. 387 00:18:15,480 --> 00:18:16,680 'And, if eligible, 388 00:18:16,680 --> 00:18:19,720 - 'we may reimburse up to half your travelling expenses.' - "May"? 389 00:18:19,720 --> 00:18:22,880 'To take part, text "heart attack" to...' 390 00:18:22,880 --> 00:18:25,360 Text "heart attack"! What? Oh. 391 00:18:25,360 --> 00:18:27,840 You'd proper have to be on the bones of your arse 392 00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:29,200 to do that, wouldn't you? 393 00:18:29,200 --> 00:18:31,800 Well... Don't knock it till you've tried it. 394 00:18:31,800 --> 00:18:33,840 I would never try it. 395 00:18:33,840 --> 00:18:36,600 I could do with a bit of extra income myself, actually. 396 00:18:36,600 --> 00:18:39,400 Well, don't be doing that. Bloody hell, things can't be that bad. 397 00:18:39,400 --> 00:18:42,600 Well, they're not THAT bad but I am constantly skint. 398 00:18:43,800 --> 00:18:46,200 I shouldn't have gone to Beyonce last night, really, 399 00:18:46,200 --> 00:18:50,520 but sometimes you've just got to live a little, John, haven't you? 400 00:18:50,520 --> 00:18:53,920 - Very true. - You know, I'm always trying to make ends meet. 401 00:18:53,920 --> 00:18:56,400 It soon goes. 402 00:18:56,400 --> 00:18:59,680 - If I could just get some extra cash, that'd help. - Yeah. 403 00:19:01,240 --> 00:19:03,480 Hey, is there any money in the Christmas team 404 00:19:03,480 --> 00:19:04,920 you're putting together? 405 00:19:06,640 --> 00:19:08,920 I don't know. 406 00:19:08,920 --> 00:19:10,320 Am I on the list? 407 00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:15,800 We're calculating aisle space and working out staff rotas 408 00:19:15,800 --> 00:19:17,840 and all that carry-on. 409 00:19:17,840 --> 00:19:19,280 Don't forget me. 410 00:19:19,280 --> 00:19:22,080 How can I forget? You mention it every bloody day. 411 00:19:23,480 --> 00:19:26,240 You must be on a good whack being management. 412 00:19:26,240 --> 00:19:27,520 You think? 413 00:19:27,520 --> 00:19:29,800 I'm an assistant manager of a supermarket, love. 414 00:19:29,800 --> 00:19:30,880 I'm hardly Lord Sugar. 415 00:19:30,880 --> 00:19:33,600 You live on your own. 416 00:19:33,600 --> 00:19:35,720 So do you. 417 00:19:35,720 --> 00:19:39,440 Suppose, I just don't know where it goes, John. 418 00:19:39,440 --> 00:19:42,920 I've got the mortgage, utilities, petrol money... 419 00:19:42,920 --> 00:19:45,920 Oh, and I'm paying 15 quid a month for heartsearchers.com. 420 00:19:45,920 --> 00:19:47,640 Heart searchers? 421 00:19:47,640 --> 00:19:49,240 You know, me online dating. 422 00:19:49,240 --> 00:19:51,120 Oh, yes, yes, yes. 423 00:19:51,120 --> 00:19:54,320 Well, that's a waste of money, right there. 424 00:19:54,320 --> 00:19:57,280 I've got me animals to pay for every month. 425 00:19:57,280 --> 00:20:00,360 What animals? I thought you only had a dog. 426 00:20:00,360 --> 00:20:05,120 Well, I have but I've also fostered a panda, a tiger and a donkey. 427 00:20:05,120 --> 00:20:07,880 You've fostered a panda, a tiger and a... 428 00:20:07,880 --> 00:20:10,400 It's those appeals, John - they get me every time. 429 00:20:10,400 --> 00:20:11,840 Them shitty appeals... 430 00:20:11,840 --> 00:20:15,080 Oh, they break my heart. I can't say no. 431 00:20:15,080 --> 00:20:17,880 You're forking out for a panda, a tiger and a donkey? 432 00:20:17,880 --> 00:20:21,520 - No wonder you're on your arse. - Leeki, Thor and Jackie-O. 433 00:20:21,520 --> 00:20:24,400 I've never met them but we keep in touch on Facebook. 434 00:20:24,400 --> 00:20:26,760 - How? - They send me pictures. 435 00:20:26,760 --> 00:20:30,840 - They have proper seen you coming. - No, they haven't. 436 00:20:30,840 --> 00:20:34,040 They're endangered species, John, once they're gone, that'll be it. 437 00:20:34,040 --> 00:20:36,840 - That'll be what? - Well, they'll be extinct, won't they? 438 00:20:36,840 --> 00:20:39,360 Like dinosaurs? Exactly. 439 00:20:39,360 --> 00:20:40,640 - Hardly. - Well. 440 00:20:44,920 --> 00:20:49,360 - RADIO: - 'Our station, your music - together, forever. 441 00:20:49,360 --> 00:20:51,640 'This is Forever FM.' 442 00:20:51,640 --> 00:20:54,400 SILENCE 443 00:20:54,400 --> 00:20:55,440 No. 444 00:20:55,440 --> 00:20:57,120 MUSIC STARTS BRIEFLY, THEN CUTS OUT 445 00:20:57,120 --> 00:20:59,560 Oh, what a balls-up. 446 00:20:59,560 --> 00:21:03,280 - Did that happen live on air? - Yeah. 447 00:21:03,280 --> 00:21:04,920 Someone is going to get sacked. 448 00:21:04,920 --> 00:21:07,160 What a balls-up. 449 00:21:09,120 --> 00:21:13,440 MUSIC: Everybody Wants To Rule The World by Tears For Fears 450 00:21:23,160 --> 00:21:25,320 This song has never aged. 451 00:21:25,320 --> 00:21:26,920 Never aged. 452 00:21:28,200 --> 00:21:31,680 - BOTH SING: - # Welcome to your life 453 00:21:31,680 --> 00:21:36,800 - # There's no turning back... # - It hasn't. 454 00:21:36,800 --> 00:21:39,680 # Even while we sleep 455 00:21:41,680 --> 00:21:43,120 # We will find you 456 00:21:43,120 --> 00:21:47,320 # Acting on your best behaviour 457 00:21:47,320 --> 00:21:51,720 # Turn your back on Mother Nature 458 00:21:51,720 --> 00:21:53,880 # Everybody 459 00:21:53,880 --> 00:21:58,240 # Wants to rule the world... # 460 00:21:58,240 --> 00:22:00,600 Then, they had two black lads dancing 461 00:22:00,600 --> 00:22:02,160 in the video thing. 462 00:22:02,160 --> 00:22:04,280 And he was wearing high-waisted jeans. 463 00:22:04,280 --> 00:22:06,160 I used to watch it all the time 464 00:22:06,160 --> 00:22:08,960 in t'pub in town. They used to have a video jukebox. 465 00:22:08,960 --> 00:22:13,480 - In the pub? - Yeah. - I must have only been about two. 466 00:22:13,480 --> 00:22:16,080 A pound a video, it were. Used to be packed, 467 00:22:16,080 --> 00:22:17,760 if I wanted to go on it. 468 00:22:19,960 --> 00:22:22,200 And they had a mechanical bull for a few weeks. 469 00:22:24,880 --> 00:22:26,080 What? 470 00:22:27,080 --> 00:22:29,280 I lost my virginity on one of those. 471 00:22:29,280 --> 00:22:31,480 SHE GIGGLES 472 00:22:31,480 --> 00:22:32,840 You what?! 473 00:22:34,760 --> 00:22:36,600 What did you say?! 474 00:22:36,600 --> 00:22:38,240 Hang on a minute! 475 00:22:39,680 --> 00:22:42,680 You lost your virginity on a mechanical bull?! 476 00:22:44,680 --> 00:22:46,840 Frigging hell, what speed were it on? 477 00:22:48,440 --> 00:22:49,880 Fast enough. 478 00:22:52,880 --> 00:22:55,080 Why did you tell me that for? 479 00:22:56,600 --> 00:22:59,040 - I didn't really. - Yeah. 480 00:22:59,040 --> 00:23:02,040 - It was a Buckaroo! - A Buckaroo? 481 00:23:02,040 --> 00:23:05,240 I'm just talking silly. I don't mean it. 482 00:23:05,240 --> 00:23:07,760 I bloody hope it weren't a Buckaroo. 483 00:23:07,760 --> 00:23:10,960 I hope you didn't give it to a jumble after that. 484 00:23:12,120 --> 00:23:14,000 A couple of buckets missing. 485 00:23:19,120 --> 00:23:22,560 - RADIO: - 'Forever FM, traffic and travel, brought to you by 486 00:23:22,560 --> 00:23:23,800 'Brighter Day Career.' 487 00:23:23,800 --> 00:23:25,360 PHONE RINGS 488 00:23:25,360 --> 00:23:27,280 Hey up, your mate is ringing me. 489 00:23:29,920 --> 00:23:31,000 Hello, Dave. 490 00:23:31,000 --> 00:23:33,760 'John, it's Dave. Listen, FYI, 491 00:23:33,760 --> 00:23:36,400 'I've just had Colin on from CJK 492 00:23:36,400 --> 00:23:39,200 'and he's thrown us a bit of a curveball at the 11th hour. 493 00:23:39,200 --> 00:23:42,240 'He said that the earliest he can get it to us will be close of play 494 00:23:42,240 --> 00:23:46,360 - 'Wednesday. Now, do you think you can run with that?' - Wednesday? 495 00:23:46,360 --> 00:23:48,880 Oh, it's going to be tight. It's going to be touch and go. 496 00:23:48,880 --> 00:23:51,560 I don't think we'll have enough boots on the ground 497 00:23:51,560 --> 00:23:54,160 to wrap our heads around it. We don't want to paint ourselves 498 00:23:54,160 --> 00:23:57,000 - into a corner, Dave. - 'I hear you loud and clear, John, 499 00:23:57,000 --> 00:23:59,960 'but we need to close the loop on this. If we hit the ground running 500 00:23:59,960 --> 00:24:01,760 'on Wednesday, I think it'll be win-win. 501 00:24:01,760 --> 00:24:04,160 'But we need to keep our powder dry. We can't afford to drop 502 00:24:04,160 --> 00:24:05,920 'the ball at this late stage of the game.' 503 00:24:05,920 --> 00:24:08,720 Yeah, agreed. We're going to have to go belt and braces on this. 504 00:24:08,720 --> 00:24:11,120 I'll speak to the rest of the team, A-SAP. 505 00:24:11,120 --> 00:24:15,320 - I'm sure they'll go that extra mile. - 'We need 110%, John, nothing less.' 506 00:24:15,320 --> 00:24:18,440 You'll get it, Dave. I'll make sure they're all over it, first thing. 507 00:24:18,440 --> 00:24:22,320 'Oh, and thanks for sitting in on that shite this afternoon. 508 00:24:22,320 --> 00:24:24,520 'That Elsie, she doesn't deserve a second... 509 00:24:24,520 --> 00:24:26,640 - 'Look, are you on your own here?' - DEEP VOICE: Yes. 510 00:24:26,640 --> 00:24:29,640 - Ah...! - Choo! - 'What was that?' 511 00:24:29,640 --> 00:24:31,720 I sneezed, Dave. Sorry. 512 00:24:31,720 --> 00:24:34,920 'Bless you! Look, that Elsie doesn't deserve a second chance. 513 00:24:34,920 --> 00:24:38,360 'She's pissed on her chips too many times, as far as I'm concerned, 514 00:24:38,360 --> 00:24:41,560 'but if you think her personal life is in the shitter, 515 00:24:41,560 --> 00:24:43,800 - 'I'll take your word for it.' - She has had a rough year, 516 00:24:43,800 --> 00:24:46,080 but she'll come to her senses after a bit of leave. 517 00:24:46,080 --> 00:24:48,560 You know, reflect on her life and behaviour 518 00:24:48,560 --> 00:24:52,760 - and see how things pan out. - 'I didn't realise you knew her that well.' 519 00:24:52,760 --> 00:24:56,760 Well, I don't, Dave, but you hear things, don't you? 520 00:24:56,760 --> 00:25:00,360 'Aye. Did you hear I had a run-in with your wee pal Kayleigh 521 00:25:00,360 --> 00:25:01,800 'this afternoon?' 522 00:25:01,800 --> 00:25:05,320 Erm...no. No. Why, what happened? 523 00:25:05,320 --> 00:25:08,000 'Oh, the daft cow suddenly fancied herself as a greengrocer, 524 00:25:08,000 --> 00:25:11,440 'wandered over to F&V and turned the place upside down. 525 00:25:11,440 --> 00:25:14,600 'Talk about a shambles. 32 years in retail, John, 526 00:25:14,600 --> 00:25:17,160 'and I've never seen anything like it. 527 00:25:17,160 --> 00:25:18,800 'She had everything priced up wrong. 528 00:25:18,800 --> 00:25:21,040 'She was practically giving the stuff away.' 529 00:25:21,040 --> 00:25:23,200 Erm, I'm sure she was only trying to help. 530 00:25:23,200 --> 00:25:27,360 'Ho! Help? Aye! Look, she almost single-handedly closed us down. 531 00:25:27,360 --> 00:25:30,040 'Lucky I was on hand, to give her an arse kicking. 532 00:25:30,040 --> 00:25:32,520 'She's not the sharpest tool in the shed, that one, John.' 533 00:25:32,520 --> 00:25:35,800 I hear what you're saying, but trust me, her heart's in the right place. 534 00:25:35,800 --> 00:25:39,040 You've just got to get to know her. She's actually got some good ideas. 535 00:25:39,040 --> 00:25:42,720 - 'Like?' - Well, you know, about staff morale and all that - 536 00:25:42,720 --> 00:25:46,600 you know, the vending machine in the staff canteen only serves 537 00:25:46,600 --> 00:25:50,240 - Scotch broth. And the disabled toilets... - 'I like Scotch broth.' 538 00:25:50,240 --> 00:25:51,280 Me, too. Who doesn't? 539 00:25:51,280 --> 00:25:55,280 But are you aware the seat on the disabled toilet's got a crack in it? 540 00:25:55,280 --> 00:25:58,480 'I'm well aware. It took a great chunk out of my arse this morning. 541 00:25:58,480 --> 00:26:02,600 - 'And?' - And they all need addressing, is all I'm saying. 542 00:26:02,600 --> 00:26:06,480 - If we can make the staff happy, I'm confident that we can... - 'Look, 543 00:26:06,480 --> 00:26:08,800 'don't let Kayleigh soft soap you with all that 544 00:26:08,800 --> 00:26:10,160 'hippy-happy workplace shite. 545 00:26:10,160 --> 00:26:12,760 'She's playing you like a fucking fiddle, John. 546 00:26:12,760 --> 00:26:15,480 'I've got her card marked. You've just got to realise that women 547 00:26:15,480 --> 00:26:18,120 - like that are only good for...' - You're breaking up, Dave. 548 00:26:18,120 --> 00:26:20,320 I can't hear you. It's this new Bluetooth. Sorry. 549 00:26:20,320 --> 00:26:23,280 'All I'm saying is, you can't put lipstick on a pig. 550 00:26:23,280 --> 00:26:27,320 - 'And if her grandad dies one more time this year...' - What's that?! 551 00:26:27,320 --> 00:26:30,240 - MIMICS TRANSMISSION BREAKING UP - 'I can hear you fine.' 552 00:26:32,200 --> 00:26:36,720 - 'John?' - No, you're cutting out. I'll have to call you back. 553 00:26:36,720 --> 00:26:39,120 - What an effin' arsehole! - 'What was that?!' 554 00:26:39,120 --> 00:26:42,520 It was the radio, Dave. The Archers, Ta-ra! 555 00:26:42,520 --> 00:26:44,560 What did you say that for?! 556 00:26:44,560 --> 00:26:45,760 (Has he gone now?) 557 00:26:45,760 --> 00:26:49,640 Course he's gone! And so will I be, down the bloody labour exchange. 558 00:26:49,640 --> 00:26:52,640 What did you... What did you say that for?! "Effin' arsehole"! 559 00:26:52,640 --> 00:26:55,000 When have they ever said that on The Archers?! 560 00:26:55,000 --> 00:26:57,680 - He IS an effin' arsehole! - But you didn't have to tell him that! 561 00:26:57,680 --> 00:27:01,200 I did! I did have to tell him. I hate him. Did you hear him? 562 00:27:01,200 --> 00:27:04,640 IMITATES DAVE: "Almost got us closed down. Going to give her an arse kicking." 563 00:27:04,640 --> 00:27:06,600 - He's not Asian! - I'm going to kick his arse. 564 00:27:06,600 --> 00:27:09,800 - I'll kick his Irish arse back to Ballykissangel. - He's not Irish! 565 00:27:09,800 --> 00:27:12,800 - He's Scottish, you tool! - Oh, let it go. - I don't believe you. 566 00:27:12,800 --> 00:27:15,040 I don't understand what goes on in your mind. 567 00:27:15,040 --> 00:27:19,440 - Why didn't you stick up for me?! - I did stick... I did stick up for you! 568 00:27:19,440 --> 00:27:24,240 - No. - I did stick up for you. I said Scotch broth, disabled toilets. - No! 569 00:27:24,240 --> 00:27:28,040 - I did say the toilets. - He called me "a pig with lipstick". - Well, he might have had a point. 570 00:27:28,040 --> 00:27:32,440 I just used to come to work every day and nothing would ever happen. 571 00:27:32,440 --> 00:27:35,600 Nothing! I would just sail in and sail out. 572 00:27:35,600 --> 00:27:38,080 - Oh, don't say that, John. - What? 573 00:27:38,080 --> 00:27:41,360 - You know how much I hate water. - Oh, for the love of God! 574 00:27:42,320 --> 00:27:44,680 'John? Are you still there, John?' 575 00:27:45,600 --> 00:27:46,880 # Love Shack 576 00:27:46,880 --> 00:27:49,240 # Baby, Love Shack 577 00:27:49,240 --> 00:27:50,280 # Love Shack 578 00:27:50,280 --> 00:27:52,800 - # Baby, Love Shack - That's where it's at, yeah 579 00:27:52,800 --> 00:27:53,960 # Love Shack 580 00:27:53,960 --> 00:27:56,480 - # Baby, Love Shack - That's where it's at 581 00:27:56,480 --> 00:27:57,600 # Love Shack 582 00:27:57,600 --> 00:27:59,440 # Baby, Love Shack 583 00:27:59,440 --> 00:28:03,160 # Dancin' and a-lovin' at The Love Shack. #