1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,840 'Ooh, did you hear that wind last night? It were awful. 2 00:00:04,840 --> 00:00:07,800 'You should have seen Betty's trees bending.' 3 00:00:07,800 --> 00:00:09,120 Bending, were they? 4 00:00:09,120 --> 00:00:11,360 'I thought they were going to snap.' 5 00:00:11,360 --> 00:00:14,320 Yeah, it were bad, weren't it, last night? It's lovely now, though. 6 00:00:14,320 --> 00:00:17,040 'I've never known weather like it. We've had the lot. 7 00:00:17,040 --> 00:00:20,800 'Wind, rain, wind. I've never known weather like it. 8 00:00:20,800 --> 00:00:22,960 'It can't make its mind up. 9 00:00:22,960 --> 00:00:25,640 'And I'm worried about our Paul and all.' 10 00:00:25,640 --> 00:00:26,920 Why? What's up with him? 11 00:00:26,920 --> 00:00:30,520 'He borrowed my leaf blower and he never took the charger.' 12 00:00:30,520 --> 00:00:32,480 It'll be all right. Have you told him? 13 00:00:32,480 --> 00:00:34,400 He can pop round and get it, can't he? 14 00:00:34,400 --> 00:00:38,040 'But he'll be busy. He'll be off gallivanting.' 15 00:00:38,040 --> 00:00:39,840 Well, if he wants it, he can come and get it. 16 00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:41,040 He can get it at the weekend. 17 00:00:41,040 --> 00:00:43,560 You're coming to my mum's for dinner on Sunday, aren't you? 18 00:00:43,560 --> 00:00:45,280 'Am I? She never said.' 19 00:00:45,280 --> 00:00:47,320 Yeah, we're all going round for birthday tea. 20 00:00:47,320 --> 00:00:48,760 I've got you a Dairy Box. 21 00:00:48,760 --> 00:00:50,800 'But what if he needs it before then?' 22 00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:51,880 Who? 23 00:00:51,880 --> 00:00:55,960 'Paul. What if he needs the charger before then?' 24 00:00:55,960 --> 00:00:58,440 Well, I'm sure he can come and get it if he needs it. 25 00:00:58,440 --> 00:01:01,360 'I know, but he's busy with his job. 26 00:01:01,360 --> 00:01:03,760 'Can you not drop it round to him?' 27 00:01:03,760 --> 00:01:07,360 I'm busy with my job! Anyway, I'll have to go. I'm at work now. 28 00:01:07,360 --> 00:01:08,840 'So soon?' 29 00:01:08,840 --> 00:01:10,720 Well, I mean I'm nearly at work, 30 00:01:10,720 --> 00:01:12,240 Are you doing owt today? 31 00:01:12,240 --> 00:01:15,160 'No, I'm not stirring out in this weather.' 32 00:01:16,200 --> 00:01:18,560 But it's a gorgeous day, and it's your birthday. 33 00:01:18,560 --> 00:01:22,720 'Oh, it makes no odds when you get to my age, John. 34 00:01:22,720 --> 00:01:25,240 - 'I'm just going to play my Michael Buble.' - What did you say? 35 00:01:25,240 --> 00:01:29,000 - Playing your what? - 'I'm going to sit and play my Michael Buble CD.' 36 00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:31,600 - Oh, right. Very good. - 'But I think he's gone off.' - Do you? 37 00:01:31,600 --> 00:01:34,840 'He was on TV AM, and I think he looked tired.' 38 00:01:34,840 --> 00:01:36,440 - UNINTERESTED: - Yeah? Did he? 39 00:01:36,440 --> 00:01:39,000 Well, have a good day, and I'll see you at the weekend. 40 00:01:39,000 --> 00:01:42,240 - I've got your Dairy Box. - 'OK, then.' - All right. 41 00:01:42,240 --> 00:01:44,320 - (Seatbelts.) - Yeah. - 'I'll see you. Ta-ra.' 42 00:01:44,320 --> 00:01:46,840 All right, bye-bye. See ya, Nana. Take care. See ya. 43 00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:48,320 'Oh, did you hear...' 44 00:01:48,320 --> 00:01:50,960 Sorry about that. Hello. Hello. 45 00:01:50,960 --> 00:01:52,760 Sorry, I was getting these dressed. 46 00:01:52,760 --> 00:01:54,680 Yeah... Who are they? 47 00:01:54,680 --> 00:01:57,280 - You did get my text about the kids, didn't you? - No. 48 00:01:57,280 --> 00:02:01,240 Oh, that's funny. I text you last night to see if it was all right to drop them off on the way in. 49 00:02:01,240 --> 00:02:03,040 No, but it doesn't matter. It's OK. 50 00:02:03,040 --> 00:02:07,040 - They stayed at mine last night. Our Mandy's having her legs done, private. - Is she? 51 00:02:07,040 --> 00:02:08,840 Hello. Nice to meet you. 52 00:02:08,840 --> 00:02:11,280 This is Alfie. This is Chloe. 53 00:02:11,280 --> 00:02:12,800 Say hello to Uncle John. 54 00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:15,280 I'm hanging for an high five here, kids. Eh? 55 00:02:17,760 --> 00:02:19,160 Nah. 56 00:02:19,160 --> 00:02:20,760 Where's the school? 57 00:02:20,760 --> 00:02:23,360 Keep going. It's just on the way in as normal. 58 00:02:23,360 --> 00:02:26,280 It's just off Hibbert Road, near the old Bla-busters... 59 00:02:26,280 --> 00:02:27,840 Blackbusters? 60 00:02:27,840 --> 00:02:29,640 Ooh, sorry. I just burped. 61 00:02:31,160 --> 00:02:33,080 - RADIO DJ: - Morning all. This is Forever FM. 62 00:02:33,080 --> 00:02:35,280 A classic Madonna and Cherish... 63 00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:38,960 So, who's Rose? Finally got yourself a girlfriend? 64 00:02:38,960 --> 00:02:42,680 No, it's my nana, if you must know. It's her birthday. I should have sent that yesterday. 65 00:02:42,680 --> 00:02:45,280 - ALFIE: - It's her birthday. I should have sent that yesterday. 66 00:02:45,280 --> 00:02:47,680 - You call your nana Rose? - Yeah, why? - Yeah, why? 67 00:02:47,680 --> 00:02:49,240 Why don't you just call her Nana? 68 00:02:49,240 --> 00:02:51,680 No, I... I call her Rose. I've always called her Rose. 69 00:02:51,680 --> 00:02:53,720 No, I call her Rose. I've always called her Rose. 70 00:02:53,720 --> 00:02:55,640 - Weird. - No, it ain't. - No, it ain't. 71 00:02:55,640 --> 00:02:58,200 - Is he trying to wind me up? - Is he trying to wind me up? 72 00:02:58,200 --> 00:03:00,160 It's just his thing at the moment. 73 00:03:00,160 --> 00:03:03,040 - How come he's not copying you? - How come he's not copying you? 74 00:03:03,040 --> 00:03:05,120 Aw, he must have taken a shine to you. 75 00:03:05,120 --> 00:03:07,400 Oh. All right, son, what are you into? 76 00:03:07,400 --> 00:03:09,960 - Right, son, what are you into? - Angry Birds. 77 00:03:09,960 --> 00:03:12,880 Oh, aye, are you? I've had a few of them in my time. 78 00:03:12,880 --> 00:03:15,200 - I've had a few of them in my time. - John! - What? 79 00:03:15,200 --> 00:03:16,400 What? 80 00:03:16,400 --> 00:03:19,120 - I'm just looking for the party, buddy. - Tool. 81 00:03:19,120 --> 00:03:22,960 - You're the tool. - You're the tool. - No, you're the tool. - No, you're the tool. - You're the tool. 82 00:03:22,960 --> 00:03:25,080 Quit it, the pair of you! 83 00:03:25,080 --> 00:03:26,920 - It's him. - It's him. - It's him. - It's him. 84 00:03:26,920 --> 00:03:29,160 - It's him. - It's him. - You want to act your age, son. 85 00:03:29,160 --> 00:03:31,760 - I'm eight. - You want to act your age, John. 86 00:03:31,760 --> 00:03:34,160 Arguing with a child. 87 00:03:34,160 --> 00:03:36,240 - I'll keep my mouth shut. - I'll keep my mouth shut. 88 00:03:36,240 --> 00:03:37,600 Enough! 89 00:03:40,400 --> 00:03:43,000 MUSIC: When Smokey Sings by ABC 90 00:04:03,160 --> 00:04:05,840 Do you know what? I'm going to post this. 91 00:04:05,840 --> 00:04:08,320 Don't be daft. You'll never make it there and back in time. 92 00:04:08,320 --> 00:04:09,520 Who won't? 93 00:04:09,520 --> 00:04:10,920 Watch this. 94 00:04:24,720 --> 00:04:26,760 Oh, my God. What is he doing? KIDS LAUGH 95 00:04:26,760 --> 00:04:28,400 Wait there. 96 00:04:29,440 --> 00:04:32,320 HE GROANS John! 97 00:04:32,320 --> 00:04:34,800 Suffering Jesus. Oh, God... 98 00:04:34,800 --> 00:04:37,520 - Are you all right? - THEY LAUGH 99 00:04:37,520 --> 00:04:39,760 - Thank you. - It's all right. - Thanks. You're all right. 100 00:04:39,760 --> 00:04:41,880 - Oh, God, me arm. - Did you see his hair? 101 00:04:41,880 --> 00:04:44,800 - CAR HORNS BLARE - And you! 102 00:04:44,800 --> 00:04:46,840 There's a man down here, all right? 103 00:04:46,840 --> 00:04:48,840 Just get in the car. 104 00:04:48,840 --> 00:04:50,120 I've broken my arm. 105 00:04:50,120 --> 00:04:52,440 Aaargh! What are you doing to it?! 106 00:04:52,440 --> 00:04:54,960 - If you can bend it, it's not broken. - Don't do that again! 107 00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:57,600 Just get me to... It's not funny, you! 108 00:04:57,600 --> 00:05:00,160 - Stop laughing! - Leave it. Alfie, shut up. 109 00:05:00,160 --> 00:05:01,800 Get in the car. 110 00:05:01,800 --> 00:05:04,320 - What are you doing? - Well, you can't drive, can you? Get in! 111 00:05:04,320 --> 00:05:07,040 Well, you can't drive this. You're not insured. 112 00:05:07,040 --> 00:05:10,200 - It doesn't matter. Just get in. - You two, stop laughing. 113 00:05:11,480 --> 00:05:14,040 Shut the door, shut the door. I can't shut it. 114 00:05:17,880 --> 00:05:20,560 Aaaaargh! Me arm! 115 00:05:20,560 --> 00:05:23,440 - RADIO DJ: - We stick a celebrity in that toaster, you tell us who it is. 116 00:05:23,440 --> 00:05:26,880 So, Katie, can you put today's celeb in the toaster? 117 00:05:26,880 --> 00:05:28,800 HE WHIMPERS 118 00:05:30,320 --> 00:05:31,760 Brave soldier. 119 00:05:31,760 --> 00:05:33,440 KIDS GIGGLE 120 00:05:33,440 --> 00:05:34,600 Jesus! 121 00:05:34,600 --> 00:05:36,200 I've been in the wars, here! 122 00:05:38,200 --> 00:05:39,480 You've got to laugh, John. 123 00:05:39,480 --> 00:05:40,960 I'm not laughing. 124 00:05:40,960 --> 00:05:44,200 - It was so funny! - Went right round. It's gone right round. 125 00:05:47,520 --> 00:05:49,000 Your hand goes like... 126 00:05:50,640 --> 00:05:52,040 SHE WHIMPERS MOCKINGLY 127 00:05:56,760 --> 00:05:58,160 It's proper throbbing. 128 00:06:08,160 --> 00:06:09,600 Ooh... 129 00:06:10,800 --> 00:06:12,240 Come on, Miss Daisy! 130 00:06:12,240 --> 00:06:14,640 Get your foot down. We've got a stock take at half nine. 131 00:06:14,640 --> 00:06:15,800 Agh! 132 00:06:15,800 --> 00:06:18,400 Do you not think you should go to A & E and get it checked out? 133 00:06:18,400 --> 00:06:19,840 Oh, I-I've no time for A & E. 134 00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:24,360 I'll be reet. I'll power through. 135 00:06:24,360 --> 00:06:26,640 BLEEP Oh! 136 00:06:26,640 --> 00:06:29,640 What... What was that noise, John? 137 00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:31,560 It's the petrol thing. It needs filling up. 138 00:06:31,560 --> 00:06:33,400 It's the petrol thing. It needs filling up. 139 00:06:33,400 --> 00:06:35,560 Oh, quit it, son! I've been through the mill, here. 140 00:06:35,560 --> 00:06:37,280 Alfie, stop it. Shh. 141 00:06:39,360 --> 00:06:41,240 Are you all right? You've gone white. 142 00:06:41,240 --> 00:06:42,560 - WEAKLY: - I'm not surprised. 143 00:06:42,560 --> 00:06:44,760 - Have you hurt your arm? - Take a wild guess, love. 144 00:06:44,760 --> 00:06:46,240 Take a wild guess, love. 145 00:06:46,240 --> 00:06:49,200 - (Shut up, you.) - All right, John, don't snap at her. 146 00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:50,720 She's only trying to be nice to you. 147 00:06:50,720 --> 00:06:54,040 It's your own fault for playing the daredevil. I told you you wouldn't make it. 148 00:06:54,040 --> 00:06:57,480 I would've made it, easy, if it hadn't been for that bloody pavement sticking up. 149 00:06:57,480 --> 00:07:00,040 - They're going to get a strong letter off me tonight. - Who is? 150 00:07:00,040 --> 00:07:01,600 'Kin council. Shithouses. 151 00:07:01,600 --> 00:07:03,360 - Shithouses. - Right! 152 00:07:03,360 --> 00:07:05,800 Alfie Price, any more filth like that out of your mouth 153 00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:08,040 - and you're grounded for a month. - You can't ground me! 154 00:07:08,040 --> 00:07:11,520 Ah! Keep going. Soon see who can't. 155 00:07:11,520 --> 00:07:12,760 HE WHIMPERS 156 00:07:13,680 --> 00:07:16,440 MUSIC: Put Yourself In My Place by Kylie Minogue 157 00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:23,520 Jesus, my arm! 158 00:07:23,520 --> 00:07:25,320 Right, come on, quick, you two. 159 00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:27,520 Say goodbye to Uncle John the cripple. We're late. 160 00:07:27,520 --> 00:07:30,280 - He's made us late now, the idiot. - Hey! - Hey! 161 00:07:30,280 --> 00:07:32,520 What have I told you? Come on. 162 00:07:32,520 --> 00:07:34,720 Outrageous, that, son. 163 00:07:34,720 --> 00:07:38,200 If I'd said that to my dad, he'd have put me over his knee. 164 00:07:38,200 --> 00:07:39,840 Cheeky, aren't they? 165 00:07:39,840 --> 00:07:41,920 Alfie, you've left your orange on the seat. 166 00:07:41,920 --> 00:07:44,040 Yeah, I'll orange you. 167 00:07:44,040 --> 00:07:45,760 - Come on, in, in. - Look at that! 168 00:07:45,760 --> 00:07:47,320 Did you see the look he gave me? 169 00:07:47,320 --> 00:07:50,840 - Ugh. Are you going to be all right? I'll just be in and out. - Yeah, yeah. 170 00:07:50,840 --> 00:07:54,200 See, this is why this country's gone wrong. 171 00:07:54,200 --> 00:07:56,720 They need a good crack, these kids today. 172 00:07:56,720 --> 00:07:59,880 Kids like that will be wiping my arse when I'm an old man. 173 00:08:10,120 --> 00:08:12,320 Here, I got you this. 174 00:08:12,320 --> 00:08:14,440 - What is it? - It's a sling. 175 00:08:14,440 --> 00:08:16,280 You're joking. Peppa Pig? 176 00:08:16,280 --> 00:08:17,760 It's all they had. 177 00:08:17,760 --> 00:08:19,080 Aaaaargh! 178 00:08:19,080 --> 00:08:20,520 You stupid bi... 179 00:08:23,080 --> 00:08:29,600 Did they not have a Bob the Builder or a...Power Rangers or something? 180 00:08:29,600 --> 00:08:31,000 SHE SNIGGERS 181 00:08:31,000 --> 00:08:32,680 Peppa pissing Pig. 182 00:08:33,760 --> 00:08:35,480 You're making it worse! 183 00:08:35,480 --> 00:08:38,120 - It's so funny... - It's not funny. 184 00:08:38,120 --> 00:08:40,720 Ah, keep me going all day, that. 185 00:08:40,720 --> 00:08:42,040 SHE LAUGHS 186 00:08:42,040 --> 00:08:43,760 All right, all right! 187 00:08:46,080 --> 00:08:48,040 Have you any Nurofen in your bag? 188 00:08:48,040 --> 00:08:50,080 - No, I don't believe in it. - Oh... 189 00:08:53,440 --> 00:08:54,720 Anadin? 190 00:08:54,720 --> 00:08:57,200 I don't have any chemical toxins in my body. 191 00:08:58,560 --> 00:09:00,640 Yeah, well... 192 00:09:00,640 --> 00:09:03,720 I didn't hear you moaning yesterday, when you had me Fruit Pastilles. 193 00:09:05,840 --> 00:09:07,760 - RADIO DJ: - This is Forever FM. 194 00:09:07,760 --> 00:09:09,440 MUSIC: New Sensation by INXS 195 00:09:09,440 --> 00:09:10,720 Both: (Forever FM.) 196 00:09:10,720 --> 00:09:12,360 Oh, this is a song. 197 00:09:15,440 --> 00:09:17,840 I used to have this cassette. 198 00:09:17,840 --> 00:09:19,600 Kick, this is off. 199 00:09:19,600 --> 00:09:20,920 Belter. 200 00:09:20,920 --> 00:09:22,080 I had it. 201 00:09:23,320 --> 00:09:26,520 He were another Jim Morrison, this fella. 202 00:09:26,520 --> 00:09:28,400 You know what he did, don't you? 203 00:09:28,400 --> 00:09:30,520 - Who? - This fella. 204 00:09:30,520 --> 00:09:32,600 Hutchence? 205 00:09:32,600 --> 00:09:35,160 Put his pants on t'bed and hung himself on t'door. 206 00:09:35,160 --> 00:09:37,680 Yeah, you've told me. 207 00:09:37,680 --> 00:09:38,760 SONG PAUSES 208 00:09:38,760 --> 00:09:40,280 SONG RESUMES 209 00:09:41,920 --> 00:09:44,120 Shocking, though, when he died. 210 00:09:44,120 --> 00:09:45,360 I know! 211 00:09:46,360 --> 00:09:47,600 Didn't expect that. 212 00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:51,000 It's like when the people's princess died. 213 00:09:51,000 --> 00:09:54,080 - Ugh. - Awful. - Awful. Where were you when Diana died? 214 00:09:54,080 --> 00:09:55,440 I'm not telling you. 215 00:09:55,440 --> 00:09:57,320 - Why? - I'm not telling you. 216 00:09:57,320 --> 00:09:59,160 - Why? - Cos I'm not. 217 00:10:01,840 --> 00:10:04,800 - Where were you when...? - I was in a hot tub. 218 00:10:04,800 --> 00:10:06,440 Who were you in a hot tub with? 219 00:10:07,600 --> 00:10:09,240 Four boys and our Mandy. 220 00:10:12,440 --> 00:10:13,680 Huh... 221 00:10:13,680 --> 00:10:15,160 I were at me mam's. 222 00:10:15,160 --> 00:10:16,680 I was, too. Me mum was away. 223 00:10:17,920 --> 00:10:19,640 Cat's away, eh? 224 00:10:19,640 --> 00:10:21,000 I had a party. 225 00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:22,880 Did you? 226 00:10:22,880 --> 00:10:26,400 Me mum were in Lytham with me Auntie Joan. 227 00:10:26,400 --> 00:10:28,040 She went, and I come back in at night 228 00:10:28,040 --> 00:10:30,720 from working night shift at the supermarket, 229 00:10:30,720 --> 00:10:34,280 and she left a Post-it Note... 230 00:10:34,280 --> 00:10:36,520 "There's a lasagne in the fridge, and Diana's died." 231 00:10:36,520 --> 00:10:38,320 SHE GASPS What a way to tell you! 232 00:10:38,320 --> 00:10:39,360 Awful. 233 00:10:41,120 --> 00:10:42,800 SONG CONTINUES 234 00:10:45,760 --> 00:10:47,200 THEY SING ALONG WITH RADIO JINGLE 235 00:10:47,200 --> 00:10:49,400 # Miles of tiles that'll make you smile 236 00:10:49,400 --> 00:10:53,160 # Make dreams come true at Corton Tiles. # 237 00:10:53,160 --> 00:10:55,360 Did you try and harmonise, then? 238 00:10:55,360 --> 00:10:59,880 - RADIO DJ: - This is the station with the timeless hits. - (Timeless hits.) 239 00:10:59,880 --> 00:11:02,120 - How's your arm? - Sore. 240 00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:04,120 MUSIC: Have A Nice Day by Stereophonics 241 00:11:04,120 --> 00:11:05,920 This is a nice, happy song. 242 00:11:05,920 --> 00:11:09,440 You think it is, but if you listen to the words, it's actually... 243 00:11:09,440 --> 00:11:11,520 quite a bitter song about a man who's not happy. 244 00:11:11,520 --> 00:11:14,480 - He's being sarcastic. - Oh, is he? - Yeah. 245 00:11:14,480 --> 00:11:16,200 He's saying, "Have a nice day." 246 00:11:16,200 --> 00:11:18,600 - One of them. - Aw... 247 00:11:20,560 --> 00:11:23,360 My friend had this at her wedding. 248 00:11:23,360 --> 00:11:24,440 More fool her. 249 00:11:24,440 --> 00:11:27,120 I knew a couple who had I'm Not In Love as their first slow song. 250 00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:29,200 - SHE LAUGHS - 10cc. 251 00:11:29,200 --> 00:11:31,520 Even I know that's not a good one to have. 252 00:11:31,520 --> 00:11:33,760 Split up six months after. 253 00:11:33,760 --> 00:11:35,440 Talk about cursing. 254 00:11:36,520 --> 00:11:38,520 - What would you have? - What? 255 00:11:38,520 --> 00:11:40,200 What would be your first dance? 256 00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:41,960 I don't know... 257 00:11:41,960 --> 00:11:44,280 I don't know. It's not going to happen, so... 258 00:11:44,280 --> 00:11:47,000 I don't need to think about that one. 259 00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:49,000 I'll never get wed. 260 00:11:49,000 --> 00:11:52,320 I'm going to have Runaway by The Corrs. 261 00:11:52,320 --> 00:11:55,080 You can't have Runaway. It's about running away. 262 00:11:55,080 --> 00:11:57,840 I know, running away together. 263 00:11:57,840 --> 00:12:00,640 Oh, no. You can't have Runaway as a slow dance. 264 00:12:00,640 --> 00:12:01,840 Why not? 265 00:12:01,840 --> 00:12:06,600 - It's about running off. - Yeah, with the man of your dreams. 266 00:12:06,600 --> 00:12:09,600 - Nah. - I've got my whole wedding day planned. 267 00:12:09,600 --> 00:12:12,440 You've got to meet someone first. Talk about jumping the gun. 268 00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:13,720 It's not in it. 269 00:12:15,160 --> 00:12:17,600 How are things going with, erm... 270 00:12:17,600 --> 00:12:19,160 Heartsearches.com? 271 00:12:21,840 --> 00:12:23,840 I've not had any winks for a while. 272 00:12:25,240 --> 00:12:27,560 I won't be having any winks with this arm. 273 00:12:31,520 --> 00:12:33,560 RADIO JINGLE 274 00:12:35,640 --> 00:12:38,200 - RADIO: - Pick a number between one and ten. 275 00:12:38,200 --> 00:12:39,360 Seven. 276 00:12:39,360 --> 00:12:41,600 Take that number and double it. 277 00:12:41,600 --> 00:12:44,360 - 14. - Then add your age... 278 00:12:44,360 --> 00:12:45,480 I'm lost. 279 00:12:45,480 --> 00:12:48,320 - ..and take away 15. - Fif... Ff... 31. 280 00:12:48,320 --> 00:12:51,280 - Are you left with the number 76? - No. 281 00:12:51,280 --> 00:12:53,560 No. It doesn't add up, does it? 282 00:12:53,560 --> 00:12:55,880 - No. - But one thing that does add up... - Ugh, bollocks. 283 00:12:55,880 --> 00:12:57,640 ..is the new current account from... 284 00:12:57,640 --> 00:12:58,960 Suck you in, don't they? 285 00:12:58,960 --> 00:13:01,240 BLEEP It's still beeping, John. 286 00:13:01,240 --> 00:13:03,600 - HE SIGHS - We need petrol. 287 00:13:03,600 --> 00:13:06,320 Just...get to a garage, fill her up. 288 00:13:06,320 --> 00:13:09,160 ..current account is the one that really adds up. 289 00:13:09,160 --> 00:13:12,640 Call into your local branch today, and let us do the maths. 290 00:13:15,240 --> 00:13:20,520 - RADIO: - 15 degrees. - Forever FM weather with Lancashire Scrap Metal. 291 00:13:20,520 --> 00:13:23,280 If the wind's blown it down, we'll pick it up. 292 00:13:23,280 --> 00:13:27,720 Call Keith on 08081-570-075. 293 00:13:27,720 --> 00:13:30,480 So here we go, the Forever FM Golden Hour, 294 00:13:30,480 --> 00:13:32,680 with hits and headlines from a chosen year. 295 00:13:32,680 --> 00:13:34,080 What year is it? 296 00:13:34,080 --> 00:13:36,440 It was the unforgettable year of 9/11, 297 00:13:36,440 --> 00:13:39,320 when two planes hit the World Trade Center in New York, 298 00:13:39,320 --> 00:13:41,720 whilst Harry Potter started his first year at Hogwarts 299 00:13:41,720 --> 00:13:44,720 on the big screen. But what was the year? 300 00:13:45,720 --> 00:13:47,280 2001. 301 00:13:47,280 --> 00:13:49,840 MUSIC: Hero by Enrique Inglesias 302 00:13:57,120 --> 00:13:58,680 Got something for your arm. 303 00:13:58,680 --> 00:13:59,920 Painkillers? 304 00:13:59,920 --> 00:14:01,120 A Creme Egg! 305 00:14:02,280 --> 00:14:03,640 Argh! 306 00:14:07,320 --> 00:14:09,080 SONG CONTINUES 307 00:14:10,400 --> 00:14:13,160 Aw, how's your poorly arm now? 308 00:14:13,160 --> 00:14:14,560 Still smarting. 309 00:14:15,640 --> 00:14:17,080 There he is. 310 00:14:18,280 --> 00:14:20,680 Ted number two, having a Diet Coke break. 311 00:14:21,800 --> 00:14:25,160 # I can be your hero, baby... # 312 00:14:27,080 --> 00:14:29,240 He could lift me up like that any time he likes. 313 00:14:29,240 --> 00:14:31,400 # I can kiss away the pain... # 314 00:14:31,400 --> 00:14:34,480 I bet he's not been CRB checked. 315 00:14:34,480 --> 00:14:37,000 # I will stand by you forever... # 316 00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:39,280 I don't know why you just don't speak to him. 317 00:14:39,280 --> 00:14:41,120 What?! As if I'd just... 318 00:14:41,120 --> 00:14:43,400 Pfft, no! As if... 319 00:14:43,400 --> 00:14:45,640 Joking. 320 00:14:45,640 --> 00:14:47,840 Mind you, he'll probably have bloody clocked off 321 00:14:47,840 --> 00:14:49,480 by the time you've parked up. 322 00:14:50,520 --> 00:14:51,840 Ow! 323 00:14:51,840 --> 00:14:55,200 - Are you sure you don't want to go to the hospital and get it checked out? - No time. 324 00:14:55,200 --> 00:14:57,920 Just get a few painkillers down me, I'll be right as rain. 325 00:14:57,920 --> 00:14:59,520 Well, don't you go overdosing. 326 00:14:59,520 --> 00:15:01,800 I don't want to get the bus home on my own. 327 00:15:07,280 --> 00:15:10,240 There's no chance. It's too much money. 328 00:15:10,240 --> 00:15:11,960 I said I'm happy for you. 329 00:15:14,960 --> 00:15:18,440 Well, you've got to, haven't you? It's work. What can you do? 330 00:15:20,400 --> 00:15:22,800 I don't know. I'll have to sort something. 331 00:15:24,280 --> 00:15:25,640 I'm not phoning her tonight. 332 00:15:25,640 --> 00:15:27,640 She's had a sedation, she'll be off her face. 333 00:15:28,840 --> 00:15:31,120 Yeah, as far I know. Steve rang earlier. 334 00:15:32,920 --> 00:15:34,480 Anyway, I'm going to have to go. 335 00:15:34,480 --> 00:15:36,600 OK. I know it's not your fault. 336 00:15:37,720 --> 00:15:39,840 Well, just speak to your boss, sergeant fella, 337 00:15:39,840 --> 00:15:41,840 and let us know what's happening. 338 00:15:41,840 --> 00:15:43,160 All right. Bye. 339 00:15:45,240 --> 00:15:48,080 - How's your arm? - Ugh, agony. 340 00:15:48,080 --> 00:15:51,800 I felt a right arsehole, sat in stocktake with this in a sling. 341 00:15:51,800 --> 00:15:53,400 - Give us your keys. - Why? 342 00:15:53,400 --> 00:15:56,200 You can't drive with your arm like that, can you? 343 00:15:56,200 --> 00:15:58,680 - All right. A bit of sympathy wouldn't go a miss. - Get in. 344 00:16:03,840 --> 00:16:06,120 MUSIC: Picture Of You by Boyzone 345 00:16:31,320 --> 00:16:34,240 I see you were chatting to your friend Rachel. 346 00:16:34,240 --> 00:16:36,800 - Yep. - What did she want? 347 00:16:36,800 --> 00:16:39,040 Nowt. I was just telling her about my accident, 348 00:16:39,040 --> 00:16:41,200 what happened this morning. 349 00:16:41,200 --> 00:16:43,080 Did she offer to kiss it better? 350 00:16:43,080 --> 00:16:45,840 No, but she did ask me if I fancied a drink sometime. 351 00:16:45,840 --> 00:16:47,280 What?! 352 00:16:47,280 --> 00:16:49,320 She asked me if I fancied going for a drink. 353 00:16:49,320 --> 00:16:51,320 Well, I hope you told her where to go. 354 00:16:51,320 --> 00:16:52,800 What's rattled your cage? 355 00:16:52,800 --> 00:16:55,000 (Nothing.) 356 00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:57,680 - Just didn't think you went for that type. - And what type's that? 357 00:16:57,680 --> 00:16:58,960 Slutty. 358 00:16:58,960 --> 00:17:01,120 Christ! I don't know what's got into you lately. 359 00:17:01,120 --> 00:17:02,760 I can't do right for doing wrong. 360 00:17:02,760 --> 00:17:05,200 You're always on at me, "John, you need to meet somebody, 361 00:17:05,200 --> 00:17:07,800 "you can't spend the rest of your life on your own," and then 362 00:17:07,800 --> 00:17:09,800 when I do finally get a sniff, you go berserk. 363 00:17:09,800 --> 00:17:12,240 Well, she's just not right for you, that's all I'm saying. 364 00:17:12,240 --> 00:17:15,400 - How do you know what's right for me? - Well, I know it's not that slapper. 365 00:17:15,400 --> 00:17:18,160 - I thought you were friends? - We are! 366 00:17:18,160 --> 00:17:19,560 I know what she's like. 367 00:17:19,560 --> 00:17:21,880 She'd go with anything with a pulse. 368 00:17:21,880 --> 00:17:23,320 Thanks. 369 00:17:25,600 --> 00:17:30,400 - Well, she's already been out with three different blokes from our place since Christmas. - Who? 370 00:17:30,400 --> 00:17:33,680 Steve...off freezers, 371 00:17:33,680 --> 00:17:38,520 Ian Hardy, who left, and I'm sure he moved to Burnley just to get away from her because he still lives 372 00:17:38,520 --> 00:17:41,880 - round here and it takes him two hours to get to work every morning. - Ian Hardy left 373 00:17:41,880 --> 00:17:44,560 cos he got store manager. It had nothing to do with Rachel. 374 00:17:44,560 --> 00:17:45,720 And who's the third? 375 00:17:45,720 --> 00:17:48,680 - You, now! - Ha-ha! Me? 376 00:17:48,680 --> 00:17:53,160 - Yes! - She's only asked me out for a bloody drink. Good God. 377 00:17:53,160 --> 00:17:56,040 And as for fancying people from work, that's rich. 378 00:17:56,040 --> 00:17:59,600 You've been drooling over Ted two since old Ted's funeral. 379 00:17:59,600 --> 00:18:01,680 - Completely different. - No, it's not. 380 00:18:01,680 --> 00:18:04,640 Yes, it is, that's from afar. She's gone and asked you out for a drink. 381 00:18:04,640 --> 00:18:06,640 Aye, for a drink. Nothing else. 382 00:18:06,640 --> 00:18:11,480 Yeah, a drink, and the next thing you know, her knickers will be hanging off your lampshade. 383 00:18:12,720 --> 00:18:14,240 Sounds to me like you're jealous. 384 00:18:14,240 --> 00:18:16,280 Of her?! 385 00:18:16,280 --> 00:18:17,720 You've got to be kidding. 386 00:18:19,400 --> 00:18:22,280 She's a wrong 'un, John. Don't say I didn't warn you. 387 00:18:22,280 --> 00:18:24,360 MUSIC: Devil Woman by Cliff Richard 388 00:18:26,320 --> 00:18:29,360 # I've had nothing but bad luck 389 00:18:29,360 --> 00:18:32,440 # Since the day I saw the cat at my door 390 00:18:34,560 --> 00:18:38,200 # So I came into you, sweet lady 391 00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:40,840 # Answering your mystical call 392 00:18:42,680 --> 00:18:44,960 # Crystal ball on the table 393 00:18:46,680 --> 00:18:48,840 # Showing the future, the past 394 00:18:51,080 --> 00:18:54,120 # Same cat with them evil eyes 395 00:18:54,120 --> 00:18:57,760 # And I knew it was a spell she cast 396 00:18:59,160 --> 00:19:03,280 # She's just a devil woman with evil on her mind 397 00:19:03,280 --> 00:19:07,400 # Beware the devil woman, she's going to get you 398 00:19:07,400 --> 00:19:11,480 # She's just a devil woman with evil on her mind 399 00:19:11,480 --> 00:19:14,000 - # Beware the de... # - PHONE RINGS 400 00:19:15,760 --> 00:19:17,440 "Our Keiron." 401 00:19:17,440 --> 00:19:19,920 - Leave it. I'll speak to him later. - Sure? 402 00:19:23,920 --> 00:19:26,360 # Give me the ring on your finger 403 00:19:27,920 --> 00:19:30,240 # Let me see the lines on your hand 404 00:19:32,320 --> 00:19:35,880 # I can see me a tall, dark stranger 405 00:19:35,880 --> 00:19:38,680 # Giving you what you hadn't planned... # 406 00:19:38,680 --> 00:19:40,320 PHONE RINGS 407 00:19:42,160 --> 00:19:43,600 "Our Keiron" again. 408 00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:45,040 Ugh, just leave it. 409 00:19:45,040 --> 00:19:46,520 Are you sure? He wants to get hold, 410 00:19:46,520 --> 00:19:49,160 - he's obviously trying to get hold of you. - John, I said leave it. 411 00:19:49,160 --> 00:19:52,280 - I can't answer it when I'm driving, can I? - What's got into you? 412 00:19:52,280 --> 00:19:55,720 - Nothing. - Has something happened at work? - Nothing. No. 413 00:19:55,720 --> 00:19:57,560 Is it Rachel asking me out for a drink? 414 00:19:57,560 --> 00:19:59,560 - No! - Well, summat's up. 415 00:20:04,720 --> 00:20:07,960 Our Keiron's been offered a job, and he's got to move away. 416 00:20:09,600 --> 00:20:11,320 Can he not commute? 417 00:20:11,320 --> 00:20:13,200 It's in Cyprus. 418 00:20:13,200 --> 00:20:14,520 Clearly not, then. 419 00:20:15,760 --> 00:20:18,280 He's in the army, though. You're used to him being away. 420 00:20:18,280 --> 00:20:20,720 I know, but it's different this time. 421 00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:24,320 He's going to be stationed out there permanently. 422 00:20:24,320 --> 00:20:25,920 Ah, I see. 423 00:20:25,920 --> 00:20:27,560 What am I going to do? 424 00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:30,520 I can't afford to keep paying for the house on my own. 425 00:20:31,520 --> 00:20:33,120 But don't you do that now? 426 00:20:33,120 --> 00:20:37,320 Well, not on my own. He still chucks in for the mortgage. 427 00:20:37,320 --> 00:20:40,040 He won't be able to do that any more. 428 00:20:40,040 --> 00:20:41,840 I'll have to move out, won't I? 429 00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:43,480 Where will you go? 430 00:20:43,480 --> 00:20:44,720 I don't know. 431 00:20:46,040 --> 00:20:47,800 Probably to our Mandy's. 432 00:20:47,800 --> 00:20:49,440 I can't afford to rent on my own. 433 00:20:49,440 --> 00:20:51,680 Do none of your friends need someone to rent with? 434 00:20:51,680 --> 00:20:54,520 They're all married with kids. It's only me who's still left 435 00:20:54,520 --> 00:20:55,920 on their effing own. 436 00:20:55,920 --> 00:20:58,000 This wouldn't have happened if I'd met someone. 437 00:20:58,000 --> 00:21:01,120 Don't be ridiculous. They're two separate things. 438 00:21:01,120 --> 00:21:03,520 You can't force meeting somebody, 439 00:21:03,520 --> 00:21:06,920 and your Keiron would have got that job, whatever the weather. 440 00:21:08,120 --> 00:21:09,600 What about your mum's? 441 00:21:11,440 --> 00:21:12,720 Fair enough. 442 00:21:12,720 --> 00:21:15,240 SHE SIGHS I'll have to ask our Mandy. 443 00:21:15,240 --> 00:21:18,120 - She's got her own family, hasn't she? - I know, I know. 444 00:21:18,120 --> 00:21:19,800 There's hardly enough room as it is, 445 00:21:19,800 --> 00:21:22,080 and Steve's got his bikes in the garden. 446 00:21:22,080 --> 00:21:25,000 MUSIC: Drive by The Cars 447 00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:27,280 I could actually cry. 448 00:21:27,280 --> 00:21:31,200 36, and what have I got to show for my life? I've got nothing. 449 00:21:31,200 --> 00:21:33,400 Don't be silly. 450 00:21:33,400 --> 00:21:34,920 It'll be all right. You've got... 451 00:21:34,920 --> 00:21:37,040 You'll only be at Mandy's for a little while, 452 00:21:37,040 --> 00:21:39,720 and I can still pick you up in the mornings. 453 00:21:39,720 --> 00:21:41,280 She lives in Bury. 454 00:21:41,280 --> 00:21:42,840 Shit. Bury? 455 00:21:42,840 --> 00:21:45,120 Bloody miles away. 456 00:21:45,120 --> 00:21:47,240 How are you going to get in? 457 00:21:47,240 --> 00:21:48,960 I'll have to get the tram. 458 00:21:48,960 --> 00:21:50,400 Oh, right. 459 00:21:50,400 --> 00:21:52,120 Well, you can't pick me up. 460 00:21:52,120 --> 00:21:53,600 It's on the other side of town. 461 00:21:53,600 --> 00:21:55,200 Yeah, I suppose. 462 00:21:55,200 --> 00:21:58,320 I'll be all right. I've got to get the tram. I'll be fine. 463 00:21:58,320 --> 00:22:00,600 At least you've got a bit of time to sort things out. 464 00:22:00,600 --> 00:22:02,200 He leaves next week! 465 00:22:02,200 --> 00:22:03,840 Bloody hell! Are you joking? 466 00:22:05,280 --> 00:22:08,320 - What you slowing down for? - I'm not. I've got me foot right down. 467 00:22:08,320 --> 00:22:10,120 - It's not me. - Put your foot down. 468 00:22:10,120 --> 00:22:12,600 It's not me, it's just slowing down, John. 469 00:22:12,600 --> 00:22:14,800 - What's up with her? - John, it's... 470 00:22:14,800 --> 00:22:16,400 - Pull over. - Oh, shit. 471 00:22:16,400 --> 00:22:18,040 - Pull over. - I'm pulling over! 472 00:22:19,080 --> 00:22:20,760 Here, pull over here. 473 00:22:22,520 --> 00:22:23,880 Park here. 474 00:22:27,680 --> 00:22:29,120 Well, what do you reckon? 475 00:22:29,120 --> 00:22:31,400 Not a clue. Flip the bonnet. 476 00:22:38,800 --> 00:22:40,280 What do you reckon? 477 00:22:41,720 --> 00:22:44,360 Bloody catches, eh? Why do they hide 'em? 478 00:22:47,800 --> 00:22:50,080 It's snapped off. It's snapped off! 479 00:23:00,280 --> 00:23:01,720 What do you reckon? 480 00:23:01,720 --> 00:23:04,880 Will you stop saying that, "What do you reckon?" I know nothing about cars! 481 00:23:04,880 --> 00:23:06,200 SHE SIGHS 482 00:23:06,200 --> 00:23:08,440 Looks all right... No steam. 483 00:23:09,480 --> 00:23:10,720 It just slowed down? 484 00:23:10,720 --> 00:23:12,560 Yeah. You were with me! 485 00:23:12,560 --> 00:23:14,160 Bollocks! What a day! 486 00:23:14,160 --> 00:23:15,640 I don't need this. 487 00:23:15,640 --> 00:23:17,080 What are we going to do? 488 00:23:17,080 --> 00:23:19,520 We're going to have to ring roadside recovery, aren't we? 489 00:23:19,520 --> 00:23:22,080 SHE SIGHS We're going to be stuck here for hours. 490 00:23:22,080 --> 00:23:24,960 Here, you speak to them. They come quicker for a woman. 491 00:23:29,760 --> 00:23:31,000 Come on. 492 00:23:32,400 --> 00:23:34,240 Well, I do need some new knickers. 493 00:23:34,240 --> 00:23:35,840 Hurry up! 494 00:23:35,840 --> 00:23:37,720 ADVERT ON RADIO 495 00:23:41,080 --> 00:23:42,840 Bloody hell, are you trying to cop off? 496 00:23:42,840 --> 00:23:45,120 I've just spoke to a lovely man called Jermaine. 497 00:23:45,120 --> 00:23:47,400 - Oh, Christ. - He's sorting it. 498 00:23:47,400 --> 00:23:50,920 They'll either be an hour or we get 45 quid's worth of M&S vouchers. 499 00:23:50,920 --> 00:23:53,160 I get 'em. It's my car. 500 00:23:53,160 --> 00:23:54,480 I made the call. 501 00:23:56,320 --> 00:23:59,000 - An hour? - Mm-hm. - What are we going to do for an hour? 502 00:24:01,960 --> 00:24:03,640 Do I have my own chat show? 503 00:24:03,640 --> 00:24:05,040 No. 504 00:24:07,720 --> 00:24:09,360 Am I a human being? 505 00:24:09,360 --> 00:24:10,720 Yes, course you are. 506 00:24:12,120 --> 00:24:13,760 Am I alive or dead? 507 00:24:15,240 --> 00:24:16,560 I honestly don't know. 508 00:24:19,040 --> 00:24:22,200 - Yeah, I think you might be. I think you might be. - Well, that's no good. 509 00:24:22,200 --> 00:24:24,840 Either I'm dead or I'm alive. Am I a famous boxer? 510 00:24:24,840 --> 00:24:28,640 - You've had your turn. - I know, but you didn't know if I was alive or dead, so it doesn't count. 511 00:24:28,640 --> 00:24:33,320 - When you know who you are, it won't matter if you're alive or dead anyway. - Oh, how shite's that? 512 00:24:33,320 --> 00:24:35,080 Am I a famous boxer? 513 00:24:35,080 --> 00:24:37,080 It's still not your go. It's my go. 514 00:24:38,320 --> 00:24:40,080 Am I a famous boxer? 515 00:24:40,080 --> 00:24:43,160 No. Am I a famous boxer for the third time? 516 00:24:43,160 --> 00:24:45,040 No... 517 00:24:45,040 --> 00:24:46,880 but you like fighting. 518 00:24:46,880 --> 00:24:48,280 Where's this fella? 519 00:24:50,240 --> 00:24:52,120 Are you going to go for a drink with Rachel? 520 00:24:52,120 --> 00:24:54,480 What's...that...? Just play the game. 521 00:24:54,480 --> 00:24:56,000 Right, another question. 522 00:24:57,400 --> 00:24:58,640 Am I a child? 523 00:24:58,640 --> 00:24:59,960 Yes, constantly. 524 00:25:02,960 --> 00:25:06,160 I'm a fighter, I like fighting... 525 00:25:06,160 --> 00:25:07,600 Am I Rocky Balboa? 526 00:25:07,600 --> 00:25:08,760 No. 527 00:25:10,160 --> 00:25:11,480 Am I... 528 00:25:11,480 --> 00:25:14,680 Oh, for God's sake. Oh, play fair. 529 00:25:14,680 --> 00:25:17,000 - Do I have a... - Can I speak? 530 00:25:17,000 --> 00:25:18,320 Do I have an Afro? 531 00:25:19,640 --> 00:25:21,040 Yes, you do. 532 00:25:22,760 --> 00:25:24,080 - My go. - Am I Snoopy? 533 00:25:24,080 --> 00:25:26,720 My go! Snoopy doesn't have an Afro! 534 00:25:29,560 --> 00:25:31,760 Am I made of Plasticine? 535 00:25:31,760 --> 00:25:34,920 - Oh, finally, the cavalry's here. - Whoo-hoo. 536 00:25:42,160 --> 00:25:44,240 Oh, frig, I hope that's not Jermaine. 537 00:25:46,480 --> 00:25:48,320 - Hi. - All right, love? 538 00:25:48,320 --> 00:25:50,560 Do you want to flip your bonnet, Little Orphan Annie? 539 00:25:50,560 --> 00:25:51,760 I knew it was her. 540 00:25:51,760 --> 00:25:53,760 HE TUTS I knew it! 541 00:26:01,280 --> 00:26:03,680 Am I a famous boxer? 542 00:26:03,680 --> 00:26:05,120 Definitely not. 543 00:26:10,040 --> 00:26:11,320 Ooh. 544 00:26:12,800 --> 00:26:14,760 What do you reckon? 545 00:26:14,760 --> 00:26:16,520 When did you last fill her up? 546 00:26:16,520 --> 00:26:17,800 This morning, why? 547 00:26:17,800 --> 00:26:21,640 Well, it's never a good idea to fill a diesel engine up with unleaded. 548 00:26:22,800 --> 00:26:24,520 What have you done now?! 549 00:26:24,520 --> 00:26:26,680 I'll go and sort the truck out. 550 00:26:26,680 --> 00:26:28,200 You said it was petrol! 551 00:26:28,200 --> 00:26:29,480 Yeah, diesel! 552 00:26:29,480 --> 00:26:32,320 You didn't say diesel, you definitely said petrol. 553 00:26:32,320 --> 00:26:33,640 Petrol is diesel! 554 00:26:33,640 --> 00:26:35,680 Petrol is petrol, diesel is diesel! 555 00:26:35,680 --> 00:26:38,680 It says on the cap in bloody, big, red letters, "Diesel!" 556 00:26:38,680 --> 00:26:41,200 - Well, I didn't see it! - Obviously not! 557 00:26:42,480 --> 00:26:45,600 A perfect end to a bloody perfect day. 558 00:26:49,040 --> 00:26:52,080 # It can lift you up Never let you down 559 00:26:52,080 --> 00:26:56,720 # Take your world and turn it all around 560 00:26:56,720 --> 00:26:59,640 # Ever since time, nothing's ever been found 561 00:26:59,640 --> 00:27:03,080 # That's stronger than love 562 00:27:03,080 --> 00:27:05,640 # Ever since time, nothing's ever been found 563 00:27:05,640 --> 00:27:08,680 # That's stronger than love. #