1 00:00:06,860 --> 00:00:08,700 # Theme music 2 00:00:24,140 --> 00:00:26,100 (Applause) 3 00:00:31,100 --> 00:00:34,780 Well, hello, hello, hello. 4 00:00:35,140 --> 00:00:39,300 And welcome to another glamour-filled QI night of a thousand stars. 5 00:00:39,620 --> 00:00:42,100 Spread-eagled on my casting couch are... 6 00:00:42,380 --> 00:00:44,980 Josie Lawrence... (Applause) 7 00:00:45,340 --> 00:00:52,740 the stunning Johnny Sessions, the gorgeous pouting Rich Hall, 8 00:00:52,940 --> 00:00:54,180 and Alan Davies. 9 00:00:57,220 --> 00:01:01,380 Well, let's see you toy with your globes, girls. 10 00:01:01,700 --> 00:01:03,660 Um, see if anyone rings my bell. Rich. 11 00:01:03,860 --> 00:01:06,220 (Bell) 12 00:01:06,500 --> 00:01:08,660 Johnny. (Higher-pitched bell) 13 00:01:08,940 --> 00:01:10,700 Josie. (Higher-pitched bell) 14 00:01:10,940 --> 00:01:12,180 And Alan. 15 00:01:12,500 --> 00:01:13,980 (Breathy male voice) Well, hello. (Audience laughs) 16 00:01:14,180 --> 00:01:15,420 Ding dong. 17 00:01:15,620 --> 00:01:18,940 Oh, there we are. Very nice. 18 00:01:19,220 --> 00:01:24,100 And so, to question one. What eat clothes? 19 00:01:24,380 --> 00:01:26,860 Ding dong. (Audience laughs) 20 00:01:27,140 --> 00:01:29,580 - I don't know. I just wanted to do that. (Laughs) 21 00:01:29,900 --> 00:01:31,700 - What eats clothes? - Yeah.- Moths eat clothes. 22 00:01:31,980 --> 00:01:33,180 - Moths? - Yes. 23 00:01:33,500 --> 00:01:36,540 (Siren) (Audience laughs) 24 00:01:36,740 --> 00:01:38,020 Oh, no they don't. 25 00:01:38,300 --> 00:01:39,580 They make holes in them, though, don't they? 26 00:01:39,820 --> 00:01:41,820 Not moths, no. Their larva. 27 00:01:42,100 --> 00:01:44,380 Their little caterpillars do, but not the moths. 28 00:01:44,700 --> 00:01:46,980 See? You see? (Bell) 29 00:01:47,300 --> 00:01:49,660 Larva. (Laughs) 30 00:01:49,940 --> 00:01:52,420 - So, by the time you see a moth, it's... - It never eats... 31 00:01:52,700 --> 00:01:54,060 - BOTH: Too late. - And you very rarely do. 32 00:01:54,380 --> 00:01:56,820 They're only a quarter of an inch long, the actual moths. 33 00:01:57,140 --> 00:01:59,220 Supposedly there are fewer of them due to synthetic materials, 34 00:01:59,540 --> 00:02:01,020 which they don't eat, and dry-cleaning. 35 00:02:01,300 --> 00:02:04,380 - If you dry-clean something, it works as well as a mothball. - Really? 36 00:02:04,580 --> 00:02:06,340 That camphor and naphthalene smell. 37 00:02:06,620 --> 00:02:08,340 - I don't think I've ever smelt one. - Have you not? 38 00:02:08,620 --> 00:02:10,500 - Too young. - It's horrible. It's like a dead body. 39 00:02:10,820 --> 00:02:13,300 A mothball in this hand, a mothball in that hand - what have I got? 40 00:02:13,540 --> 00:02:15,820 Two mothballs. 41 00:02:16,100 --> 00:02:17,820 - A rather excited moth. - Oh, right. 42 00:02:18,020 --> 00:02:19,300 (All laugh) 43 00:02:20,900 --> 00:02:22,740 Sorry, I thought you were literally asking. 44 00:02:22,940 --> 00:02:24,220 No. It's alright. 45 00:02:24,500 --> 00:02:26,340 I've never smelt a dead body either. 46 00:02:26,580 --> 00:02:28,140 No, I haven't. I've never seen a dead body. 47 00:02:28,460 --> 00:02:30,420 They say a policeman thinks once you've smelt death 48 00:02:30,740 --> 00:02:32,220 it's just... it never gets out of your nostrils. 49 00:02:32,540 --> 00:02:34,220 - But, I'll tell you something quite interesting. - Yeah? 50 00:02:34,500 --> 00:02:36,660 It's that... (Audience laughs) 51 00:02:36,900 --> 00:02:40,900 Leopards eat rotting flesh. They don't mind it. 52 00:02:41,180 --> 00:02:44,140 - Cheetahs will only eat fresh. - Oh, really? 53 00:02:44,500 --> 00:02:46,780 They eat when they've killed, there and then, 54 00:02:47,020 --> 00:02:48,340 and they eat as quickly as they can. 55 00:02:48,660 --> 00:02:50,580 Otherwise a lion will come over and have it off them. 56 00:02:50,860 --> 00:02:54,100 - Hmm. - But a leopard will drag something up into a tree. 57 00:02:54,380 --> 00:02:57,060 and leave it there days on end, go back, have a bit more. 58 00:02:57,380 --> 00:02:59,980 - Even if it's green and maggoty... - Oh!- Don't care. 59 00:03:00,220 --> 00:03:01,500 There's a new theory 60 00:03:01,780 --> 00:03:03,180 about Tyrannosaurus rex being a scavenger - 61 00:03:03,420 --> 00:03:07,140 not in fact going and attacking big hairy-arsed monsters, 62 00:03:07,380 --> 00:03:09,660 but waiting until they were daed and rotting, like an old Stilton, 63 00:03:09,940 --> 00:03:11,340 - and then eating them. - Yeah, yeah. 64 00:03:11,540 --> 00:03:14,020 In Jurassic Park 2, 65 00:03:14,300 --> 00:03:17,620 a Tyrannosaurus rex eats a man who's sitting on the loo. 66 00:03:17,820 --> 00:03:19,180 That's right. 67 00:03:19,460 --> 00:03:20,740 Do you think that's inaccurate, then? 68 00:03:21,020 --> 00:03:22,220 What it is, is... Yeah? (Audience laughs) 69 00:03:24,100 --> 00:03:26,740 - But he's an accountant. - He's an accountant. 70 00:03:27,020 --> 00:03:28,700 Well, there you are. Yes. Moths don't eat clothes. 71 00:03:28,940 --> 00:03:30,260 Their larva do, their caterpillars. 72 00:03:30,580 --> 00:03:33,220 Anyway, um... Next question is - why butterflies? 73 00:03:34,820 --> 00:03:37,580 - Wow, that's a short question. - Isn't it? Two words. 74 00:03:37,900 --> 00:03:39,380 Do you mean why are they called that? 75 00:03:39,620 --> 00:03:40,860 It doesn't actually mean that, no. 76 00:03:41,140 --> 00:03:42,660 It means why do they... who do they exist? 77 00:03:42,980 --> 00:03:44,660 - Why are they? - Yeah. 78 00:03:44,900 --> 00:03:49,140 I think it's evil to put a food in front of any bug, 79 00:03:49,340 --> 00:03:50,740 to name like it a butterfly, 80 00:03:51,020 --> 00:03:52,740 'cause I would eat butterflies when I was a kid, 81 00:03:53,060 --> 00:03:54,420 because I thought they had butter in 'em. 82 00:03:54,740 --> 00:03:56,660 - Ohhh. - And honey bees. 83 00:03:56,940 --> 00:04:00,020 There are two theories as to why... (Audience laughs) 84 00:04:00,260 --> 00:04:01,500 And a hamster. 85 00:04:01,700 --> 00:04:02,980 (All laugh, applaud) 86 00:04:07,460 --> 00:04:10,060 'Cause, you know, you're four years old - you don't know better. 87 00:04:11,180 --> 00:04:12,580 And we were poor. 88 00:04:13,900 --> 00:04:17,580 Well, there are two theories as to why they're called butterflies. 89 00:04:17,900 --> 00:04:21,740 One is that it's from a Dutch word which means 'excretes butter' - 90 00:04:22,020 --> 00:04:23,820 there was this theory that they actually shat butter. 91 00:04:24,020 --> 00:04:25,300 Early on. 92 00:04:25,580 --> 00:04:27,340 And the other is that it's from Anglo-Saxon - 93 00:04:27,700 --> 00:04:29,460 that the most common butterflies in England 94 00:04:29,780 --> 00:04:30,940 when the Anglo-Saxons invaded Britain, 95 00:04:31,220 --> 00:04:32,700 were yellow and were butter-coloured - 96 00:04:32,900 --> 00:04:34,180 it's as boring as that. 97 00:04:34,460 --> 00:04:35,700 But, no, the reason they exist... 98 00:04:35,980 --> 00:04:39,820 They're quite a late addition, as it were, to the family of creatures. 99 00:04:40,140 --> 00:04:43,420 They...when do they start, then, butterflies? 100 00:04:43,700 --> 00:04:45,460 They were around when I was a kid. (Audience laughs) 101 00:04:45,740 --> 00:04:49,300 Yes. For a hundred million years before butterflies evolved, 102 00:04:49,540 --> 00:04:50,820 moths had been around, 103 00:04:51,140 --> 00:04:53,460 and it's generally believed that butterflies 104 00:04:53,700 --> 00:04:55,060 were kind of an evolution from moths, 105 00:04:55,340 --> 00:04:57,220 because moths have one big disadvantage. 106 00:04:57,500 --> 00:04:59,460 What is it about moths that's different from butterflies... 107 00:04:59,780 --> 00:05:01,660 Night - they go around at the night, in the night. 108 00:05:01,940 --> 00:05:03,140 Yeah, and they get eaten a lot. 109 00:05:03,380 --> 00:05:05,180 - Butterflies go in the day. - Yeah. 110 00:05:05,500 --> 00:05:09,820 - And the moths have been eaten a lot by bats. - By bats. 111 00:05:10,100 --> 00:05:13,460 And so, the idea was, that the butterflies... 112 00:05:13,780 --> 00:05:15,580 - That's a bat. - Yeah. There's a bat. 113 00:05:15,780 --> 00:05:17,060 Seen a moth there. 114 00:05:17,300 --> 00:05:18,940 Yeah... Well, not seeing, but hearing. 115 00:05:19,220 --> 00:05:20,980 - So, it's heard a moth? - Yeah.- Sensed a moth. 116 00:05:21,180 --> 00:05:22,540 Sensed a moth. Exactly. 117 00:05:24,380 --> 00:05:27,220 The precision of their echolocation is remarkable. 118 00:05:27,500 --> 00:05:30,780 If you put cotton wool in their ears, they are useless, aren't they? 119 00:05:31,060 --> 00:05:32,580 They bounce off the wall like... Canadian squash balls. 120 00:05:32,860 --> 00:05:35,660 This is how it was discovered. It was actually in the 18th century. 121 00:05:36,020 --> 00:05:38,900 A French scientist put cotton wool in the ears of bats, 122 00:05:39,140 --> 00:05:40,380 and reali... and saw that they were... 123 00:05:40,700 --> 00:05:43,060 And so he posited the idea that they had this extra sense. 124 00:05:44,180 --> 00:05:46,540 And then it was pooh-poohed, and for 150 years it wasn't reconsidered, 125 00:05:46,820 --> 00:05:48,340 and we now know that he was absolutely right - 126 00:05:48,620 --> 00:05:52,220 that they send out these signals that bounce back, exactly like sonar, 127 00:05:52,460 --> 00:05:53,740 only much more effective than sonar. 128 00:05:54,020 --> 00:05:56,300 - That's why they never bump into you as well at night. - That's right. 129 00:05:56,540 --> 00:05:58,300 People get scared of bats, and they go like that, 130 00:05:58,580 --> 00:06:00,100 but they'd never ever bump into you - they'd always... 131 00:06:00,380 --> 00:06:02,460 I saw David Attenborough being interviewed, in which he said, 132 00:06:02,780 --> 00:06:05,060 he once did a piece to camera for Life On Earth or something, 133 00:06:05,420 --> 00:06:07,180 about bats, saying one thing that's never true about bats 134 00:06:07,460 --> 00:06:08,980 is you never get them caught in your hair. 135 00:06:09,260 --> 00:06:11,420 It's never true. They have such accur... 136 00:06:11,740 --> 00:06:13,380 Bats immediately flew into his head while he was... 137 00:06:13,700 --> 00:06:15,900 - Stephen, can I tell you something about David Attenborough... - Go on. 138 00:06:16,220 --> 00:06:17,540 ..'cause he is my god. 139 00:06:17,860 --> 00:06:21,060 Ages ago, they're doing a column in one of the papers - 140 00:06:21,300 --> 00:06:22,980 who would you most like to be like? 141 00:06:23,180 --> 00:06:25,380 And, so I said David Attenborough - 142 00:06:25,700 --> 00:06:27,740 I love the career he's had, I love his wisdom, 143 00:06:27,980 --> 00:06:29,500 I love his sense of adventure. 144 00:06:29,780 --> 00:06:31,780 And a couple of weeks later, the article came out. 145 00:06:32,060 --> 00:06:34,660 It was actually - who would you most like to look like? 146 00:06:34,860 --> 00:06:36,100 (All laugh) 147 00:06:36,500 --> 00:06:39,260 So, there's a lovely picture of me next to David, 148 00:06:39,500 --> 00:06:42,540 and then like Victoria Wilcox next to Audrey Hepburn. 149 00:06:46,460 --> 00:06:48,100 ..to go from David Attenborough to Richard Attenborough. 150 00:06:48,380 --> 00:06:50,940 And when he was directing the great Ben Kingsley in Gandhi. 151 00:06:51,220 --> 00:06:52,940 You probably know there were, I think, maybe a million, 152 00:06:53,180 --> 00:06:56,660 possibly even two million, extras, during Gandhi's funeral, 153 00:06:56,900 --> 00:06:59,900 and the first assistant, the very famous, undoubtable, David Tomblin 154 00:07:00,140 --> 00:07:02,340 was told by Sir Dicky Attenborough to instruct the crowd 155 00:07:02,540 --> 00:07:03,980 as to how they may react. 156 00:07:04,220 --> 00:07:06,340 And he said to David Tomblin, he said, 157 00:07:06,620 --> 00:07:09,780 'I want you to convey to them, David, that Gandhi has died, 158 00:07:10,100 --> 00:07:12,820 and it's an extraordinary event, darling - 159 00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:16,980 extraordinary event in the whole history of India, darling - 160 00:07:17,260 --> 00:07:21,340 that Gandhi has gone - their god, their national hero, is gone.' 161 00:07:21,620 --> 00:07:24,100 So David Tomblin turned to the crowd and he said, 162 00:07:24,380 --> 00:07:28,780 'Right, listen up. Gandhi's dead and you're all (Bleep) sad.' 163 00:07:29,020 --> 00:07:31,780 (All laugh) 164 00:07:32,020 --> 00:07:33,260 Excellent. 165 00:07:35,180 --> 00:07:36,620 Very good. 166 00:07:36,860 --> 00:07:38,620 I don't have an anecdote, but I have a joke. 167 00:07:38,900 --> 00:07:40,100 - Go on. - They're much better. 168 00:07:40,340 --> 00:07:41,580 We're open to jokes too. 169 00:07:41,860 --> 00:07:44,820 Two vampire bats in a cave, flying around and... 170 00:07:45,100 --> 00:07:47,020 You know, they like blood. Haven't had any in a while. 171 00:07:47,260 --> 00:07:48,780 One of 'em goes out on a recon. 172 00:07:49,060 --> 00:07:51,220 Comes back. Face just covered in blood. 173 00:07:51,500 --> 00:07:52,740 The other bat's beside himself, and says, 174 00:07:53,020 --> 00:07:54,180 'Wow. What happened?' 175 00:07:54,500 --> 00:07:57,180 And he points to this village. The bat, well he flaps to it. 176 00:07:57,500 --> 00:07:59,380 'See that village over there?' and the other bat says, 'Yeah.' 177 00:07:59,660 --> 00:08:00,900 'See that steeple?' 'Yeah.' 178 00:08:01,100 --> 00:08:02,340 'I didn't.' 179 00:08:02,540 --> 00:08:03,820 (All laugh) 180 00:08:05,540 --> 00:08:08,580 So, moths have to devise strategies to beat the bat. 181 00:08:08,900 --> 00:08:10,380 And some have evolved to hear the bats - 182 00:08:10,660 --> 00:08:11,860 echolocation, screeching, which humans can't hear. 183 00:08:12,100 --> 00:08:13,300 As you know, it's very high. 184 00:08:13,580 --> 00:08:15,100 And other ones decided to live during the day, 185 00:08:15,340 --> 00:08:16,620 and they became butterflies. 186 00:08:16,860 --> 00:08:18,460 Now, moths are alright at night - 187 00:08:18,740 --> 00:08:22,980 they like being in the dark, they like living in clothes in cupboards. 188 00:08:23,180 --> 00:08:24,460 Yeah. 189 00:08:24,740 --> 00:08:28,260 So, what is this thing they have about candles and... 190 00:08:28,460 --> 00:08:29,860 Isn't it mad? I agree with you that... 191 00:08:30,140 --> 00:08:31,420 The light in the porch. Mad for that. 192 00:08:31,700 --> 00:08:34,740 There you are - you're a nocturnal animal, you're attracted to light. 193 00:08:35,100 --> 00:08:37,140 Well, then, get up in the morning. You'll have lots of it. 194 00:08:38,540 --> 00:08:42,900 Another question. Compared to bats, do owls ring any bells? 195 00:08:44,020 --> 00:08:45,700 (Bell) 196 00:08:45,980 --> 00:08:47,460 - Josie's ringing a bell. - Yes. 197 00:08:47,740 --> 00:08:49,980 Well, it's like what we've just been talking about, I think. 198 00:08:50,180 --> 00:08:51,660 It's something to do with sonar. 199 00:08:51,980 --> 00:08:54,820 - Yeah, you're absolutely right. Why not have a point? - Oh, thank you. 200 00:08:55,100 --> 00:08:56,980 When it was first... They first tried to experiment 201 00:08:57,260 --> 00:09:00,340 with how bats could see so well in the dark, 202 00:09:00,620 --> 00:09:04,540 they put owls and bats in a very, very dark room, 203 00:09:04,780 --> 00:09:06,540 with some bells hung from ropes. 204 00:09:06,740 --> 00:09:08,620 And if it was slightly low light, 205 00:09:08,900 --> 00:09:11,220 the owls could see well enough to avoid the ropes. 206 00:09:11,540 --> 00:09:13,620 But if it was pitch black, they would fly into the ropes, 207 00:09:13,820 --> 00:09:15,100 because they couldn't see them. 208 00:09:15,380 --> 00:09:17,340 Whereas the bats, if it was pitch black, just flew around, 209 00:09:17,540 --> 00:09:18,820 and didn't ring any bells. 210 00:09:19,100 --> 00:09:21,300 And so, that's how it was first seen 211 00:09:21,580 --> 00:09:24,900 that bats could manoeuvre in the dark without bumping into anything. 212 00:09:25,180 --> 00:09:27,540 So the flatter an owl's face, the bigger a bell it's run into. 213 00:09:27,860 --> 00:09:30,420 - Yeah. - Yes, probably. Exactly. 214 00:09:30,740 --> 00:09:32,700 - That's why it's called an owl. OW! - They are... 215 00:09:32,900 --> 00:09:34,180 (All laugh) 216 00:09:35,300 --> 00:09:38,460 I have an AGA. Um, yes, I know I should be shot, but I do. 217 00:09:38,780 --> 00:09:41,260 And it kept going out. Oh, I got the AGA person to come down... 218 00:09:41,540 --> 00:09:42,900 - What, down the shops, or... - No. 219 00:09:43,100 --> 00:09:44,380 (All laugh) 220 00:09:46,780 --> 00:09:49,180 - It kept... - Imagine you're out shopping, and you see your AGA. 221 00:09:50,660 --> 00:09:52,980 You rush over, and just as you get there, it's not there. 222 00:09:53,220 --> 00:09:54,460 and you keep losing it. 223 00:09:54,700 --> 00:09:55,900 And so the AGA man kept coming, 224 00:09:56,220 --> 00:09:57,780 and he kept saying, 'It's perfectly fine.' 225 00:09:57,980 --> 00:09:59,220 And it kept going out again. 226 00:09:59,540 --> 00:10:01,660 So eventually he said, 'I've got to stay overnight,' he said. 227 00:10:01,900 --> 00:10:03,100 This wasn't... Come on... 228 00:10:03,380 --> 00:10:04,780 (Audience laughs) 229 00:10:05,060 --> 00:10:07,260 'Cause he would come during the day, light it - it was perfect. 230 00:10:07,580 --> 00:10:09,820 In the morning I'd ring him up and say, 'It's gone out overnight,' 231 00:10:10,100 --> 00:10:11,380 and he couldn't work it out. 232 00:10:11,660 --> 00:10:13,220 What it turned out was, it was an owl - 233 00:10:13,500 --> 00:10:15,860 would roost on the top of the cowling of the flue, 234 00:10:16,100 --> 00:10:18,180 'cause it liked the warm air up it or whatever. 235 00:10:18,500 --> 00:10:21,940 And it would cover itself over it, and it would block it out. 236 00:10:22,220 --> 00:10:23,940 And stop it, so there is a safety device. 237 00:10:24,180 --> 00:10:25,860 If you block the chicken... The chicken... 238 00:10:26,140 --> 00:10:27,420 If you block the... (Audience laughs) 239 00:10:27,740 --> 00:10:30,300 ..the chimney, the chimney of an AGA, it goes out. 240 00:10:30,500 --> 00:10:32,820 Anyway, that's my owl-AGA story. 241 00:10:33,100 --> 00:10:34,780 It wasn't worth telling. I'm pissed. Never mind. 242 00:10:35,060 --> 00:10:36,820 (Audience laughs, applauds) 243 00:10:41,780 --> 00:10:45,460 So there we are. Ringing the bells. Our next question. What is batology? 244 00:10:46,580 --> 00:10:48,540 Batology. There's the word on your screen. What is it? 245 00:10:48,740 --> 00:10:51,780 It is NOT the study of bats. 246 00:10:52,060 --> 00:10:53,340 Correct. (Audience laughs) 247 00:10:53,580 --> 00:10:56,100 You've saved yourself a big forfeit. Well done. 248 00:10:56,300 --> 00:10:58,140 (Applause) 249 00:10:58,380 --> 00:11:00,180 There you are. 250 00:11:00,460 --> 00:11:02,380 Can you give us a clue, or is that not allowed? 251 00:11:02,660 --> 00:11:06,060 It's fruit. Batology is the study of a particular fruit. 252 00:11:06,380 --> 00:11:08,100 A fruit that has two words for it in English, 253 00:11:08,380 --> 00:11:10,020 - both of which begin with B. - Banana... 254 00:11:10,340 --> 00:11:11,980 It's a native to Britain. (Gasps) 255 00:11:12,260 --> 00:11:15,060 And you can either call it a bu or a bu. 256 00:11:15,260 --> 00:11:16,660 Apple... 257 00:11:16,900 --> 00:11:18,180 Anyone in the audience? 258 00:11:18,420 --> 00:11:19,660 - Blum... - WOMAN: Bramble or blackberry. 259 00:11:19,940 --> 00:11:21,900 Bramble or blackberry. The audience is well up there. 260 00:11:22,220 --> 00:11:24,420 - Blackberries. - The study of blackberries. Very good. 261 00:11:24,700 --> 00:11:26,940 Well done. You may say it's not worth studying, 262 00:11:27,260 --> 00:11:28,780 but there are over 1000 different species of bramble. 263 00:11:29,060 --> 00:11:30,300 No, there aren't. 264 00:11:30,620 --> 00:11:32,500 (All laugh) 265 00:11:32,780 --> 00:11:35,100 The study of bats is actually chiropterology. 266 00:11:35,420 --> 00:11:37,300 Alan, ther's a plot for you here, mate, 267 00:11:37,580 --> 00:11:38,820 - in your Jonathan Creek... - Oh, yeah? 268 00:11:39,100 --> 00:11:41,500 You've got an old lady, come in, she's been picking blackberries, 269 00:11:41,780 --> 00:11:44,260 someone's been killed in the village, stabbed, 270 00:11:44,540 --> 00:11:47,620 and you go, 'She might be a batologist' - just a thought. 271 00:11:47,860 --> 00:11:49,140 (All laugh) 272 00:11:50,180 --> 00:11:52,380 So, now, what is batophobia? 273 00:11:52,660 --> 00:11:55,380 Fear of blackberries. (Audience laughs) 274 00:11:55,580 --> 00:11:56,820 (Siren) 275 00:11:57,020 --> 00:11:58,860 (Applause) 276 00:12:00,260 --> 00:12:05,220 Oh, dear. I'm sorry. You ought to be right. Ought to be... 277 00:12:05,500 --> 00:12:08,580 And surely no-one's ever had fear of blackberries. 278 00:12:08,900 --> 00:12:10,380 Quite. Exactly. So, it isn't. (Audience laughs) 279 00:12:10,580 --> 00:12:11,860 No, a batophobe is actually... 280 00:12:12,140 --> 00:12:13,860 It's a fear of being close to tall buildings. 281 00:12:14,180 --> 00:12:17,500 Panic attacks. Irregular heartbeat. Sweating. Nausea. 282 00:12:17,780 --> 00:12:19,420 And an overall feeling of dread. 283 00:12:20,900 --> 00:12:22,900 I've got it. (Audience laughs) 284 00:12:23,180 --> 00:12:25,980 Other phobias like that are bathophobia, the fear of depths. 285 00:12:26,180 --> 00:12:28,420 Alan. Um... 286 00:12:28,700 --> 00:12:30,180 (Audience laughs) 287 00:12:30,460 --> 00:12:33,100 The fear of profundancy of any kind. No, uh... 288 00:12:33,380 --> 00:12:37,060 What is battology? Battology spelt thus... 289 00:12:37,300 --> 00:12:39,220 Batteries. The study of batteries. 290 00:12:39,500 --> 00:12:41,820 - No, it's not that. Nice thought. - It is. 291 00:12:42,020 --> 00:12:43,980 (Audience laughs) 292 00:12:44,260 --> 00:12:47,260 There's no other word in English with B-A-T-T at the beginning... 293 00:12:47,540 --> 00:12:49,260 - 'Battle'? - 'Battle' is the other one. 294 00:12:49,460 --> 00:12:51,100 (All laugh) 295 00:12:51,380 --> 00:12:53,700 - 'Batter'? - 'Batter' is another one. 296 00:12:55,220 --> 00:12:59,500 'Batten' - batten down the hatches - is another one. 297 00:12:59,780 --> 00:13:01,060 Apart from those three... 298 00:13:01,340 --> 00:13:03,700 It reminds me of the story of someone who was saying that 'sugar' 299 00:13:03,980 --> 00:13:05,500 is the only English word that begins with S-U, 300 00:13:05,660 --> 00:13:06,940 but where the S is pronounced 'sh'. 301 00:13:07,260 --> 00:13:08,460 And someone called out, 'Are you sure?' 302 00:13:08,660 --> 00:13:10,620 (Audience laughs) 303 00:13:10,900 --> 00:13:15,100 Battology means pointlessly repeating the same thing over and over again. 304 00:13:15,380 --> 00:13:16,620 Oh, my god. 305 00:13:16,940 --> 00:13:19,620 Battology means pointlessly repeating the same thing over and over again. 306 00:13:19,820 --> 00:13:21,060 Some people do that, don't they? 307 00:13:21,380 --> 00:13:23,580 I've got a friend who always repeats himself. 308 00:13:23,900 --> 00:13:26,460 His name's Dave, and we call him Dave Javoo. 309 00:13:26,700 --> 00:13:29,220 Oh! Very good. (Audience laughs) 310 00:13:29,540 --> 00:13:31,260 Is Dave aware he does it. Is he total... 311 00:13:31,460 --> 00:13:33,580 Yeah, 'cause people said to him, 312 00:13:33,860 --> 00:13:36,220 'You say everything twice. That's why we call you Dave Javoo.' 313 00:13:36,460 --> 00:13:37,740 (Audience laughs) 314 00:13:37,980 --> 00:13:40,260 'I say everything twice. I say everything twice, like.' 315 00:13:40,460 --> 00:13:41,740 (Audience laughs) 316 00:13:42,020 --> 00:13:44,940 'They call me Dave Javoo. They call me Dave Javoo.' 317 00:13:45,180 --> 00:13:46,380 (Audience laughs) 318 00:13:46,700 --> 00:13:49,900 We're moving on to births, but first Swedish girls. 319 00:13:50,180 --> 00:13:54,540 What happened to every eight-year-old Swedish girl in the year 1994? 320 00:13:54,780 --> 00:13:57,180 (Bell) Young Rich. 321 00:13:57,500 --> 00:14:02,460 From what I understand, there were no eight-year-old girls in 1994, 322 00:14:02,740 --> 00:14:08,460 because in 1986 every child born in Sweden was a boy, 323 00:14:08,660 --> 00:14:09,900 just purely by... 324 00:14:10,100 --> 00:14:11,980 (All laugh) 325 00:14:12,260 --> 00:14:14,820 - Pure law of averages. - A genealogical freak. 326 00:14:15,140 --> 00:14:16,900 No, no, let me give you the answer, which is 327 00:14:17,180 --> 00:14:19,460 that they had their ninth birthdays... 328 00:14:19,780 --> 00:14:21,740 If we believe the official statistics, alright, 329 00:14:22,060 --> 00:14:27,020 there were exactly 112,521 eight-year-old girls in Sweden 330 00:14:27,260 --> 00:14:28,900 on 1st January 1994, 331 00:14:29,180 --> 00:14:31,500 and there was exactly the same number of nine-year-olds 332 00:14:31,700 --> 00:14:33,420 on 1st January 1995. 333 00:14:33,660 --> 00:14:38,020 And this is unique in statistics, because none died, none emigrated - 334 00:14:38,300 --> 00:14:41,100 precisely the same number survive a whole year. 335 00:14:41,020 --> 00:14:43,260 But in Britain in 1994, you might be interested to know, 336 00:14:43,540 --> 00:14:45,980 there were an astonishing range of accidents 337 00:14:46,300 --> 00:14:49,980 reported by the Trade and Industry's Consumer Safety Unit 338 00:14:50,260 --> 00:14:53,660 Home Accident Surveillance System report. 339 00:14:53,980 --> 00:14:56,820 Eight people in the UK in '94 were injured by placemats. 340 00:14:57,100 --> 00:14:58,380 (Audience laughs) 341 00:14:58,660 --> 00:15:00,980 Thirteen sustained cruet injuries. 342 00:15:02,140 --> 00:15:04,580 Five were wounded by dustpans. 343 00:15:04,900 --> 00:15:06,860 Eight suffered as a result of a breadbin accident. 344 00:15:07,900 --> 00:15:09,420 Five were hurt by sieves. 345 00:15:10,540 --> 00:15:13,260 14 fell foul of a serving trolley. 346 00:15:13,540 --> 00:15:16,500 17 were treated for injuries caused by a draught excluder. 347 00:15:17,980 --> 00:15:20,900 476 people were injured while on the lavatory. 348 00:15:22,180 --> 00:15:24,260 There you are. Underwear hurt 11 people. 349 00:15:25,380 --> 00:15:27,660 How many of those people were drunk? 350 00:15:28,780 --> 00:15:30,660 Well, exactly - that's a very interesting point. 351 00:15:30,980 --> 00:15:32,980 Well, how many of them were sexually experimentative, as it were? 352 00:15:33,260 --> 00:15:36,500 You know - you go to the doctor - 'I was just sitting down in the nude, 353 00:15:36,820 --> 00:15:38,340 and this cruet happened to get stuck...' 354 00:15:39,700 --> 00:15:43,620 That's why in the hospital they use acronyms for... 355 00:15:43,940 --> 00:15:46,980 You know, like GOMER, which is 'get out of my emergency room'. 356 00:15:47,260 --> 00:15:50,180 - Oh, really? - Or SARA, which is sexual activity-related accident. 357 00:15:50,380 --> 00:15:51,660 It's called SARA. 358 00:15:51,940 --> 00:15:53,940 There's an acronym they have in my part of the world, 359 00:15:54,220 --> 00:15:57,620 which doctors apparently put on patient notes, which is NFN - 360 00:15:57,900 --> 00:16:00,380 - which stands for 'normal for Norfolk'. - Yes. 361 00:16:00,580 --> 00:16:01,860 (All laugh) 362 00:16:05,020 --> 00:16:06,860 On the positive side of 1994, 363 00:16:07,100 --> 00:16:11,740 tea-cosy damage was down from 3 in '93, to nil, 364 00:16:12,060 --> 00:16:14,540 so we cleared up the menace of tea-cosy damage. 365 00:16:15,700 --> 00:16:17,020 Who knows? Who knows? 366 00:16:17,340 --> 00:16:19,140 People don't use them very often, do they, nowadays? 367 00:16:19,380 --> 00:16:20,580 No, because they're so dangerous. 368 00:16:20,860 --> 00:16:22,260 - Lethal. - Lethal! 369 00:16:23,500 --> 00:16:26,740 Now, what was the biggest tourist attraction in Canada 370 00:16:26,980 --> 00:16:29,780 between 1934 and 1943? 371 00:16:30,020 --> 00:16:31,260 (Ding dong.) 372 00:16:31,540 --> 00:16:34,100 Ah, beaten to the buzzer by Leslie Davies. 373 00:16:35,700 --> 00:16:37,100 Niagara Falls. 374 00:16:37,420 --> 00:16:39,620 Oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear. (Siren) 375 00:16:39,820 --> 00:16:42,140 Oh, no, no. No, no, no. 376 00:16:42,340 --> 00:16:43,860 Canada's a relatively young country. 377 00:16:44,140 --> 00:16:46,500 and I'm not sure how much of it there was at that time. 378 00:16:46,740 --> 00:16:48,420 Was it finished by the '30s? 379 00:16:49,540 --> 00:16:51,180 As it were, I think more or less, yes. 380 00:16:51,540 --> 00:16:53,540 'Cause Alberta's only about 80 years old. 381 00:16:53,860 --> 00:16:55,500 - I know, I know the story, I know it. - Yes? 382 00:16:55,780 --> 00:16:58,460 (Bell) (Laughs) Yes? 383 00:16:58,740 --> 00:17:00,660 - It's a really sad story, actually... - Yes. 384 00:17:00,940 --> 00:17:03,900 ..and didn't they have sextuplets or octuplets... 385 00:17:04,260 --> 00:17:05,460 - Quins, in fact. - Qu... 386 00:17:05,740 --> 00:17:07,340 - Quintuplets. - Quintuplets.- You're absolutely right. 387 00:17:07,660 --> 00:17:10,020 - And everyone came to see them. - There they are. 388 00:17:10,300 --> 00:17:11,940 And they were taken away from their parents 389 00:17:12,260 --> 00:17:14,660 - and made to live in a house across the road. - Exactly right. 390 00:17:14,980 --> 00:17:17,900 Exactly right. It was the Dionnes, they were known as. 391 00:17:18,180 --> 00:17:20,460 There were these five girls who were born from a single egg, 392 00:17:20,700 --> 00:17:22,180 to a rather poor family, 393 00:17:22,500 --> 00:17:24,420 and the father started talking about exhibiting them himself, 394 00:17:24,660 --> 00:17:25,900 because they were very famous. 395 00:17:26,220 --> 00:17:28,020 In those days before all kinds of fertility treatments, 396 00:17:28,380 --> 00:17:30,540 it was much rarer to have these kinds of multiple births. 397 00:17:30,820 --> 00:17:33,420 So, the government took over and put them in a hospital, 398 00:17:33,700 --> 00:17:35,940 and then slowly the hospital started to admit people, 399 00:17:36,220 --> 00:17:38,580 and it became the single biggest attraction in Canada. 400 00:17:38,860 --> 00:17:43,380 But, after nine years, the parents successfully got their girls back, 401 00:17:43,660 --> 00:17:45,300 but at the age of 18 they all left. 402 00:17:45,580 --> 00:17:49,140 Two are still alive, and in '98, Mike Harris, who was the Prime Minister, 403 00:17:49,420 --> 00:17:51,260 travelled to apologise to the two remaining ones, 404 00:17:51,500 --> 00:17:52,980 and give them $4 million as compensation, 405 00:17:53,260 --> 00:17:54,500 and apologise on behalf of Canada... 406 00:17:54,820 --> 00:17:56,580 - Four million Canadian dollars. - Canadian dollars. 407 00:17:56,860 --> 00:18:00,420 (Laughter drowns speech) 408 00:18:00,660 --> 00:18:01,860 Throw 'em a bone. 409 00:18:03,580 --> 00:18:05,300 Alan, a question for you. 410 00:18:05,620 --> 00:18:09,620 Name all the events at the first-recorded Olympic Games 411 00:18:09,940 --> 00:18:11,940 in the year 776BC. 412 00:18:12,260 --> 00:18:14,420 Discus. (Siren) 413 00:18:17,260 --> 00:18:19,220 Have another go. 414 00:18:19,540 --> 00:18:20,700 Javelin. (Siren) 415 00:18:21,940 --> 00:18:25,020 No, no. Try harder. 416 00:18:25,340 --> 00:18:27,620 - Hammer. - No! Dear, oh, dearie me. 417 00:18:27,900 --> 00:18:29,060 (Siren) 418 00:18:29,380 --> 00:18:31,420 No, no. I think that way madness lies. 419 00:18:31,780 --> 00:18:34,140 - That was running. - Yes, running is the answer. 420 00:18:34,420 --> 00:18:36,780 - Running was running just one race. - Just one race. 421 00:18:37,060 --> 00:18:39,260 And if you get the distance, I will be astonished. 422 00:18:39,540 --> 00:18:42,060 - Two hundred metres. - That's damn close. 423 00:18:42,340 --> 00:18:43,580 (Siren) 424 00:18:43,780 --> 00:18:45,940 It's unfair. It's very unfair. 425 00:18:46,180 --> 00:18:47,420 I think you've taken enough forfeits, 426 00:18:47,700 --> 00:18:50,100 because there was just one event, and it was 192m. 427 00:18:50,380 --> 00:18:52,020 (Laughs) 428 00:18:52,300 --> 00:18:55,260 Which is the modern equivalent. It's a stadium, the length of a stadium. 429 00:18:55,580 --> 00:18:57,500 And that was the only race in the first Olympic Games. 430 00:18:57,820 --> 00:18:58,940 That was the Olympic Games? 431 00:18:59,260 --> 00:19:00,740 - The first recorded one. - Yeah. 432 00:19:01,060 --> 00:19:03,540 But they later discovered and indeed included discus and javelin, 433 00:19:03,820 --> 00:19:06,300 or wrestling and boxing - and all the things you've mentioned. 434 00:19:06,620 --> 00:19:08,100 But, unfortunately, the first recorded one was just one... 435 00:19:08,380 --> 00:19:09,620 When was the first recorded one? 436 00:19:09,820 --> 00:19:11,220 776BC. 437 00:19:11,460 --> 00:19:13,220 Now, the next question, 438 00:19:13,540 --> 00:19:16,260 which is a subsidiary to this first recorded Olympics is, 439 00:19:16,500 --> 00:19:18,420 what was the naked chef doing there? 440 00:19:18,700 --> 00:19:19,860 (Ding dong.) (Audience laughs) 441 00:19:20,180 --> 00:19:23,180 Yes. Is that a response to the buttocks, or... 442 00:19:23,500 --> 00:19:25,340 - Yeah. A fine pair. - For what? 443 00:19:25,540 --> 00:19:28,740 Um, naked cooking for the athletes? 444 00:19:29,020 --> 00:19:30,540 No. Not quite. 445 00:19:30,820 --> 00:19:34,860 Preparing meals for the judges. Selling food to the audience. 446 00:19:35,140 --> 00:19:36,380 Won the race? 447 00:19:36,580 --> 00:19:37,820 Yes! Quite right. 448 00:19:38,020 --> 00:19:39,300 Ah. 449 00:19:39,580 --> 00:19:40,820 The winner was a cook. 450 00:19:41,020 --> 00:19:42,300 (Applause) 451 00:19:44,780 --> 00:19:47,300 His name was Coroebus of Elis, and he was a cook, 452 00:19:47,620 --> 00:19:48,780 and like all the contestants was naked. 453 00:19:49,060 --> 00:19:51,620 - And they all ran in the nude. - All ran in the nude... 454 00:19:51,860 --> 00:19:54,140 - How wonderful. - Even the trainers. 455 00:19:54,460 --> 00:19:55,940 I would like to have seen the triple jump. 456 00:19:57,460 --> 00:19:59,220 - How about the pole vault? - Oh, don't. 457 00:20:00,380 --> 00:20:04,860 He... Coroebus of course won by a short head. No... 458 00:20:05,180 --> 00:20:07,700 After his... final spurt. No, shut up. 459 00:20:09,460 --> 00:20:14,180 Now, why is a marathon 26 miles and 385 yards long? 460 00:20:14,460 --> 00:20:17,620 I feel a trap coming up. (Laughs) 461 00:20:17,860 --> 00:20:20,860 There's an utterly preposterous myth 462 00:20:21,180 --> 00:20:26,500 that it is the distance run from the Battle of Marathon 463 00:20:26,740 --> 00:20:28,380 back to Athens. 464 00:20:28,660 --> 00:20:30,980 - The myth is that it was a man called Pheidippides... - Yes. 465 00:20:31,300 --> 00:20:36,460 - ..who actually conducted the run, to convey the news of the battle. - Yes. 466 00:20:36,780 --> 00:20:39,260 - And in fact it was the Battle of Snickers, not Marathon. - Exactly. 467 00:20:39,460 --> 00:20:40,740 (All laugh, applaud) 468 00:20:45,940 --> 00:20:47,660 No, that's right. There is a fairly well-known story 469 00:20:47,980 --> 00:20:50,580 that a man called Pheidippides apparently ran from Marathon, 470 00:20:50,860 --> 00:20:52,900 where there'd been a battle against the invading Persians. 471 00:20:53,220 --> 00:20:55,740 According to Herodotus, who was born six years after the battle, 472 00:20:56,020 --> 00:20:58,140 and whose account is the nearest we have to a contemporary one, 473 00:20:58,420 --> 00:20:59,940 Pheidippides ran from Marathon to Sparta, 474 00:21:00,220 --> 00:21:01,620 which is actually about 145 miles. 475 00:21:01,900 --> 00:21:03,260 - There'd be no way! - Yeah. 476 00:21:03,580 --> 00:21:06,900 - 145 miles? - Yeah. And then he ran all the way back again, 477 00:21:07,180 --> 00:21:08,780 since the Spartans were having a holy day. 478 00:21:08,980 --> 00:21:10,220 But he died under the same... 479 00:21:10,540 --> 00:21:12,020 No, he didn't die. According to Herodotus, he didn't. 480 00:21:12,340 --> 00:21:14,220 - I thought he was... - No record of him dying at all. 481 00:21:14,500 --> 00:21:16,620 It was 500 years later in Plutarch and various other sources 482 00:21:16,860 --> 00:21:18,100 that this myth grew up. 483 00:21:18,380 --> 00:21:21,380 But the reason why the marathon is 26 miles 385 yards 484 00:21:21,620 --> 00:21:22,860 is the British Royal Family. 485 00:21:23,140 --> 00:21:26,700 Is it the distance from Windsor to St James? 486 00:21:26,980 --> 00:21:29,100 Not Windsor to St James, but you're absolutely on the right lines. 487 00:21:29,380 --> 00:21:31,980 In 1908, there was an Olympic Games held in London, 488 00:21:32,260 --> 00:21:35,700 and the marathon started outside a window in Windsor Castle, 489 00:21:36,020 --> 00:21:37,740 and half the Royal Family sat in the window going, 490 00:21:38,020 --> 00:21:40,380 'Oh, well done. Go and...' You know, 'What fun.' And there started. 491 00:21:40,660 --> 00:21:43,100 And the finish line was at the newly built White City stadium, 492 00:21:43,380 --> 00:21:45,660 and it was exactly 26 miles and 385 yards. 493 00:21:45,940 --> 00:21:48,740 And for every Olympics afterwards, that was the settled length. 494 00:21:49,060 --> 00:21:50,900 Now, we pay our traditional visit, ladies and gentlemen, 495 00:21:51,220 --> 00:21:52,940 to the exam hall where all the candidates are writing 496 00:21:53,260 --> 00:21:55,860 with the wrong end of the pencil - it's the School of General Ignorance. 497 00:21:56,140 --> 00:21:58,780 So, fingers on buzzers, turn over your papers, and let's begin. 498 00:21:59,060 --> 00:22:04,180 Where were the first modern Olympics held? Still on Olympics. 499 00:22:04,460 --> 00:22:05,660 (Bell) Yes? 500 00:22:05,940 --> 00:22:11,940 1896 was the first year, and I believe it was Athens. 501 00:22:12,180 --> 00:22:14,060 (Siren) 502 00:22:14,340 --> 00:22:16,140 - It's not correct, I'm afraid. - No. 503 00:22:16,420 --> 00:22:18,700 - No, but in Greece? - No, it wasn't in Greece. 504 00:22:18,940 --> 00:22:20,180 (Siren) 505 00:22:21,940 --> 00:22:23,300 I'm sorry about that. 506 00:22:23,580 --> 00:22:24,780 (Bell) No. 507 00:22:25,060 --> 00:22:26,780 - Was it London? - No. You're in the right country, though. 508 00:22:27,060 --> 00:22:28,580 - Damn. - If you got the place, I'd be surprised. 509 00:22:28,900 --> 00:22:31,500 Johnny might. If I were to say AE Housman, you might get the place. 510 00:22:31,780 --> 00:22:33,220 - Salisbury? - Nope. 511 00:22:33,540 --> 00:22:35,500 - Shropshire. - Shropshire is the right answer. 512 00:22:35,780 --> 00:22:38,380 - Much Wenlock, as in on Wenlock Edge. - Wenlock Edge. 513 00:22:38,740 --> 00:22:42,420 The town of Much Wenlock in the year 1850, held Olympic Games. 514 00:22:42,700 --> 00:22:44,580 It was an extraordinary man, called Dr WP Brookes. 515 00:22:44,780 --> 00:22:46,820 1896 was the first Olympic Games. 516 00:22:47,140 --> 00:22:50,220 And so people suggest, but Baron Coubertin, who was the founder, 517 00:22:50,500 --> 00:22:52,380 supposedly, of the modern Olympic movement... 518 00:22:52,580 --> 00:22:54,620 And he wrote about WP Brookes, 519 00:22:54,940 --> 00:22:56,220 'Much Wenlock is a town in Shropshire, 520 00:22:56,460 --> 00:22:58,100 a country on the borders of Wales, 521 00:22:58,420 --> 00:22:59,900 and if the Olympic Games that modern Greece 522 00:23:00,100 --> 00:23:01,740 has not yet been able to revive...' 523 00:23:01,980 --> 00:23:03,700 He wrote this in 1890, Coubertin. 524 00:23:04,060 --> 00:23:07,460 '..still survive today, it is due not to a Greek, but to WP Brookes. 525 00:23:07,780 --> 00:23:10,940 It is he who inaugurated them 40 years ago, 526 00:23:11,260 --> 00:23:14,100 and it is he, now 82 years of age, and still alert and vigorous, 527 00:23:14,500 --> 00:23:15,860 who continues to organise and inspire them.' 528 00:23:16,060 --> 00:23:18,220 So Coubertin came to Wenlock Edge, 529 00:23:18,500 --> 00:23:21,060 and he, being a baron, having influence and political connections, 530 00:23:21,340 --> 00:23:23,820 was able to do what this little country parson was not able to do, 531 00:23:24,100 --> 00:23:26,660 which was to get the rest of the country, the rest of the world. 532 00:23:26,980 --> 00:23:28,460 But King George I of Greece, of the Hellenes, 533 00:23:28,780 --> 00:23:31,700 sent a silver medal to be a prize at the Wenlock Olympics. 534 00:23:32,020 --> 00:23:36,420 So, 46 years before the first Athens Olympiad as it's counted, 535 00:23:36,700 --> 00:23:37,940 there were Olympic Games that were recognised 536 00:23:38,220 --> 00:23:40,740 by the very man who is known as the father of the Olympic movement. 537 00:23:41,020 --> 00:23:42,900 - Gosh. - That's wonderful. - So, let's hear it for WP Brookes. 538 00:23:43,180 --> 00:23:46,260 But he died just a year before the Athens Olympics. 539 00:23:46,540 --> 00:23:48,860 - 2012 - Hackney. - Yeah. 540 00:23:49,140 --> 00:23:50,340 (Audience laughs) Could be, couldn't it? 541 00:23:50,620 --> 00:23:52,340 Could be Hackney. Nothing wrong with Hackney. 542 00:23:52,660 --> 00:23:53,820 - What a shithole. - I live in Hackney. 543 00:23:54,020 --> 00:23:55,300 (All laugh) 544 00:23:55,580 --> 00:23:57,940 - Kayaking down the Lee River. - I used to live in Hackney. 545 00:23:58,180 --> 00:24:00,660 You can develop film in the Lee River, but you can't kayak there. 546 00:24:00,900 --> 00:24:02,100 (All laugh) 547 00:24:04,180 --> 00:24:08,100 Now, here's a question - why was King Charles XIV of Sweden 548 00:24:08,380 --> 00:24:09,700 ashamed of his tattoo? 549 00:24:09,940 --> 00:24:11,180 That's Dudley Moore, innit? 550 00:24:11,380 --> 00:24:12,980 (Audience laughs) 551 00:24:13,260 --> 00:24:14,900 Charles XIV of Sweden. 552 00:24:15,180 --> 00:24:18,020 Well, because Bernadotte, one of Napoleon's generals, 553 00:24:18,340 --> 00:24:20,940 - went to become King of Sweden... - He did. 554 00:24:21,220 --> 00:24:25,580 - And the tat... And Charles XIV, was that Bernadotte? - It was. 555 00:24:25,900 --> 00:24:28,300 And he had a tattoo, 'I love Napoleon' on his arse? 556 00:24:28,620 --> 00:24:31,580 No, no. He wasn't appointed by Napoleon. 557 00:24:31,900 --> 00:24:33,540 He was actually appointed by the ailing Charles XIII. 558 00:24:33,780 --> 00:24:34,980 Napoleon regarded it as a joke, 559 00:24:35,260 --> 00:24:38,140 but Bernadotte had been a young revolutionary, a Jacobin, 560 00:24:38,460 --> 00:24:40,980 and he had a tattoo that said, 'Death to kings.' (Chuckles) 561 00:24:41,260 --> 00:24:44,900 As a young man, and then he was adopted by the old King of Sweden, 562 00:24:45,220 --> 00:24:47,340 - Charles XIII - became Charles XIV. - Yes. 563 00:24:47,620 --> 00:24:51,060 And was incredibly successful, and completely backed away from France. 564 00:24:51,340 --> 00:24:54,620 - Had an alliance with England and Prussia. - The great coalition. 565 00:24:54,940 --> 00:24:57,060 Invaded Norway. Became King of Norway as well. 566 00:24:57,340 --> 00:24:59,420 And the Bernadotte family still rules Sweden. 567 00:24:59,620 --> 00:25:00,900 They are still the kings... 568 00:25:01,180 --> 00:25:04,700 It's very confusing that period, because Napoleon had Irish generals. 569 00:25:05,020 --> 00:25:06,980 - He even had a Scottish general. - Yeah. 570 00:25:07,260 --> 00:25:09,180 You know, just because you came from somewhere, 571 00:25:09,580 --> 00:25:10,820 you didn't have to fight for their army. 572 00:25:11,020 --> 00:25:12,340 No, indeed. Here's a question. 573 00:25:12,620 --> 00:25:15,980 Which Scandinavian king might you have in your mobile phone? 574 00:25:16,220 --> 00:25:17,740 (Bell) 575 00:25:17,980 --> 00:25:19,820 - Gustavus Adolphus? - No. 576 00:25:20,060 --> 00:25:23,100 - King Nokia. - No, though... 577 00:25:23,380 --> 00:25:25,220 - King Ericsson. - No. You're cer... I mean... 578 00:25:25,420 --> 00:25:27,180 King Motorola. 579 00:25:27,460 --> 00:25:28,980 Actually in it. Not as the make of. 580 00:25:29,220 --> 00:25:30,540 King Sim. 581 00:25:30,820 --> 00:25:32,060 No. (All laugh) 582 00:25:33,580 --> 00:25:36,180 - There was a King Harold who had a nickname. - Bluetooth! 583 00:25:36,460 --> 00:25:40,740 Thank you. Bluetooth is the answer. Harold Bluetooth was the king... 584 00:25:41,020 --> 00:25:43,580 Me neck went off that side to get that right. 585 00:25:43,820 --> 00:25:45,420 United Finland and Sweden and Norway, 586 00:25:45,700 --> 00:25:48,620 and when Ericsson and Nokia and all the others you mentioned 587 00:25:48,820 --> 00:25:50,780 were thinking of a unified approach 588 00:25:51,060 --> 00:25:52,940 to wireless connection between mobile phones, 589 00:25:53,260 --> 00:25:55,380 they called it Bluetooth, in his honour. 590 00:25:55,660 --> 00:25:58,260 Oh, really? 'Cause of him? Actually named after him? 591 00:25:58,540 --> 00:26:00,300 Yeah. We have the last question. 592 00:26:00,580 --> 00:26:03,020 What do St Bernards carry in barrels around their necks? 593 00:26:03,340 --> 00:26:05,300 (Bell) Brandy. 594 00:26:05,500 --> 00:26:06,780 (Siren) 595 00:26:07,060 --> 00:26:09,300 (Siren drowns speech) No, never have. 596 00:26:09,580 --> 00:26:11,700 Armagnac's a myth. 597 00:26:11,980 --> 00:26:14,300 - Armagnac IS a kind of brandy. - Oh.- Just not cognac. 598 00:26:14,500 --> 00:26:16,940 They never used casks in rescue work. 599 00:26:17,260 --> 00:26:18,620 Brandy, after all, would kill someone with hypothermia. 600 00:26:18,860 --> 00:26:20,900 - Yes. - They just do it for tourists. 601 00:26:21,180 --> 00:26:24,020 It's 'cause of a painting in 1831 by Landseer. 602 00:26:24,300 --> 00:26:25,860 Uh, that's not the painting, incidentally, but... 603 00:26:26,140 --> 00:26:27,380 (Audience laughs) 604 00:26:27,660 --> 00:26:29,420 - Very, very, very good likeness. - It's just done for tourism. 605 00:26:29,740 --> 00:26:31,740 The dog painted by Landseer was called Barry, 606 00:26:32,020 --> 00:26:33,740 and he was very handsome, and he'd rescued 40 people, 607 00:26:33,980 --> 00:26:35,220 and was something of a hero. 608 00:26:35,500 --> 00:26:36,900 Unfortunately, he was killed by the 41st person, 609 00:26:37,140 --> 00:26:38,540 who thought he was a wolf. 610 00:26:38,740 --> 00:26:40,100 Oh, that's terrible! 611 00:26:40,420 --> 00:26:45,060 But, in his honour, the handsomest St Bernard... 612 00:26:45,340 --> 00:26:48,020 - That's horrible. - ..is always called Barry at the St Bernard Hospice. 613 00:26:48,340 --> 00:26:51,380 So, why was Barry painted with a barrel around his neck, then? 614 00:26:51,660 --> 00:26:53,420 Occasionally they would carry milk and things like that, 615 00:26:53,620 --> 00:26:54,900 but certainly not brandy. 616 00:26:55,180 --> 00:26:59,820 Was St Bernard a patron saint of skiers who need some brandy? 617 00:27:00,940 --> 00:27:03,980 Well, it's a pass, isn't it? It's a pass between Italy and Switzerland. 618 00:27:04,260 --> 00:27:06,540 I'll tell you what is a really good patron saint to put, 619 00:27:06,820 --> 00:27:10,500 and it works, is St Anthony, the patron saint of lost things. 620 00:27:10,780 --> 00:27:12,660 If you lose something in the house, and you just say, 621 00:27:12,940 --> 00:27:15,060 'Please, St Anthony, will you help me find this?', 622 00:27:15,340 --> 00:27:18,060 I guarantee, 'cause it's happened with me with keys and everything - 623 00:27:18,340 --> 00:27:20,660 in about half an hour to an hour, you'll find what it is... 624 00:27:20,940 --> 00:27:22,740 (Cough 'bullshit') Um, um... (Audience laughs) 625 00:27:23,020 --> 00:27:25,740 - Stephen! It's true. - No, it's not true. I'm sorry. 626 00:27:28,900 --> 00:27:32,900 Something tells me it is so much arse. 627 00:27:33,220 --> 00:27:34,380 Anyway, that's it, ladies and gentlemen. 628 00:27:34,660 --> 00:27:37,020 It's time for the bittersweet business of the scores. 629 00:27:37,300 --> 00:27:41,300 And here we are. I will have to go, I fear, in order of first to last. 630 00:27:42,420 --> 00:27:46,220 And tied in first place are Josie and Rich - with four points! 631 00:27:46,540 --> 00:27:47,900 - Ooh. - How about that? 632 00:27:48,100 --> 00:27:49,340 (Applause) 633 00:27:53,100 --> 00:27:56,460 In third place, despite some magnificent knowledge... 634 00:27:56,740 --> 00:27:58,700 Uh, he did plunge into our traps a few times. 635 00:27:58,900 --> 00:28:00,500 With -14, it's Johnny Sessions. 636 00:28:00,700 --> 00:28:02,300 (Applause) 637 00:28:02,580 --> 00:28:07,460 But, uh... But limping, somewhat, a few laps behind, 638 00:28:07,780 --> 00:28:12,380 with, I think, a record-breaking -72 is Alan Davies. 639 00:28:12,580 --> 00:28:14,340 (Audience cheers, applauds) 640 00:28:20,700 --> 00:28:23,900 That's all. That's all from Rich, Johnny, Josie, Alan and myself. 641 00:28:24,220 --> 00:28:25,700 I leave you with this quite interesting thought. 642 00:28:27,940 --> 00:28:29,660 (Audience laughs) Good night. 643 00:28:29,940 --> 00:28:31,620 (Applause) 644 00:28:33,220 --> 00:28:36,060 Closed Captions by CSI - Adrian Tan 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net