1 00:00:07,000 --> 00:00:09,920 (Theme music) 2 00:00:24,200 --> 00:00:27,080 (Applause) 3 00:00:33,040 --> 00:00:36,160 Well, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, 4 00:00:36,480 --> 00:00:39,520 and welcome to QI, the show that puts a song in your heart, 5 00:00:39,800 --> 00:00:41,920 a tune on your lips and a hum in your pyjamas. 6 00:00:42,240 --> 00:00:44,960 Joining me for tonight's special music edition 7 00:00:45,240 --> 00:00:49,960 are Sean Lock, Mark Gatiss, Linda Smith and Alan Davies. 8 00:00:52,200 --> 00:00:54,680 So, let's tune up, ladies and gentlemen, please. 9 00:00:54,920 --> 00:00:56,360 See how you're sounding. Sean goes... 10 00:00:56,600 --> 00:00:59,080 (# Beethoven - Fifth Symphony) 11 00:00:59,400 --> 00:01:02,560 Mark goes... (# Handel - Water Music) 12 00:01:02,880 --> 00:01:06,560 Linda goes... (# Vivaldi - Spring) 13 00:01:06,840 --> 00:01:11,200 And Alan goes... (# Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star) 14 00:01:15,240 --> 00:01:18,320 Well done. Very good. Excellent. 15 00:01:18,600 --> 00:01:21,880 First question this evening is, what kind of music 16 00:01:22,160 --> 00:01:25,480 do snakes like the best? What do they find most charming? 17 00:01:25,680 --> 00:01:28,280 (# Handel - Water Music) 18 00:01:28,560 --> 00:01:31,760 - Mark? - Kraftwerk. 19 00:01:32,040 --> 00:01:33,800 Really vicious German electro-pop. 20 00:01:36,000 --> 00:01:38,680 Imagine those fakirs playing it... 21 00:01:39,000 --> 00:01:41,440 - Those whats? Excuse me? - Fakirs. - Oh, yes, right, fair enough. 22 00:01:41,720 --> 00:01:44,800 You're quite right. They are. All of them. Um, and... 23 00:01:45,080 --> 00:01:46,240 (Cymbals crash) At ease, thank you. 24 00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:48,160 Thank you, sound department. 25 00:01:48,360 --> 00:01:50,680 When you say they like it, 26 00:01:50,960 --> 00:01:52,880 it's not like they like it, they go out, 27 00:01:53,160 --> 00:01:55,280 they buy it, they put posters up inside their baskets. 28 00:01:55,560 --> 00:01:58,240 No, right, I see. When you say like... 29 00:01:58,440 --> 00:02:01,240 (Imitates snake-charming music) 30 00:02:03,240 --> 00:02:04,640 Yeah, Kraftwerk. 31 00:02:04,880 --> 00:02:07,280 Just a second. 32 00:02:07,520 --> 00:02:10,240 Good heavens! It works. 33 00:02:10,560 --> 00:02:13,400 Oh, the hood right back, ready to pounce. 34 00:02:13,640 --> 00:02:15,440 Um... 35 00:02:15,720 --> 00:02:18,040 - I'm so sorry. - X-rated Ain't Half Hot Mum, that. 36 00:02:18,240 --> 00:02:19,480 It was, rather. 37 00:02:19,720 --> 00:02:20,960 The oddity is, actually, 38 00:02:21,240 --> 00:02:23,240 that snakes, uh, don't respond to the music at all. 39 00:02:23,520 --> 00:02:25,240 - They don't. They can't. - It's simply the sight of it. 40 00:02:25,520 --> 00:02:28,360 - They just like the sight of it. - Yeah, 'cause if you do it without... 41 00:02:28,640 --> 00:02:31,480 - They don't respond to music. - You're quite right. 42 00:02:31,800 --> 00:02:33,160 - You could be doing that on anything? - Yeah. 43 00:02:33,360 --> 00:02:35,000 Yeah. Or just making no noise at all, 44 00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:37,760 and it would still sway backwards and forwards and look mesmerised. 45 00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:39,280 They don't have ears. 46 00:02:39,560 --> 00:02:41,720 You're sort of right. Until recently that was exactly what was thought, 47 00:02:42,000 --> 00:02:43,960 'cause they don't appear to. In fact, when you go inside - 48 00:02:44,200 --> 00:02:46,840 they've now discovered - they do have otic nerves and a whole system, 49 00:02:47,040 --> 00:02:49,160 which responds electrically to sound. 50 00:02:49,440 --> 00:02:52,400 Is that snake alive or is it a model one? 51 00:02:52,680 --> 00:02:55,040 I think it's actually a dinner. It's a snake in a basket. 52 00:02:56,680 --> 00:02:58,600 I think it's just come back from holiday in Spain 53 00:02:58,880 --> 00:03:01,040 and bought one of those donkeys, those straw donkeys. 54 00:03:02,640 --> 00:03:05,920 When I was a kid, there was a rattlesnake on TV, every week. 55 00:03:06,120 --> 00:03:07,840 (Laughs) 56 00:03:08,160 --> 00:03:11,560 Every week, in something, there was always a rattlesnake. 57 00:03:11,880 --> 00:03:15,920 And nowadays, there's never a rattlesnake on TV. 58 00:03:16,160 --> 00:03:17,680 It was like a big thing in the '70s. 59 00:03:18,000 --> 00:03:19,760 You didn't even see one. You just heard one. 60 00:03:20,040 --> 00:03:21,920 It was the most terrifying noise of my childhood. 61 00:03:22,200 --> 00:03:23,440 - And I grew up in Loughton. - Yeah. 62 00:03:25,200 --> 00:03:27,920 Good. Well, there you are. That's the point. Snakes and hearing. 63 00:03:28,160 --> 00:03:29,360 Now, onto a nursery rhyme. 64 00:03:29,640 --> 00:03:31,000 The nursery rhyme says, 65 00:03:31,240 --> 00:03:32,720 'Hey diddle diddle, the cat and the fiddle.' 66 00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:35,320 But what have cats got to do with violins? 67 00:03:35,640 --> 00:03:37,960 Catgut? (Alarm sounds) 68 00:03:38,160 --> 00:03:41,320 Oh, dear. Oh, dear, oh, dear. No. 69 00:03:41,600 --> 00:03:43,840 - Not that then? - Not that! No. 70 00:03:44,120 --> 00:03:46,400 The fact is, catgut has never gone into the making of violins. 71 00:03:46,680 --> 00:03:48,280 It was a myth put about by the... 72 00:03:48,560 --> 00:03:50,920 - By dogs. - ..string-makers. 73 00:03:54,240 --> 00:03:57,880 It was considered very unlucky to kill a cat in medieval times. 74 00:03:58,080 --> 00:03:59,560 They're made out of sheep gut, 75 00:03:59,880 --> 00:04:02,080 - and the people of... - Sheep really get it all. 76 00:04:02,280 --> 00:04:03,760 Don't they just? 77 00:04:04,080 --> 00:04:06,640 They've got low self-esteem, I think. 78 00:04:06,960 --> 00:04:09,160 - They allow themselves to be bullied. - They do allow themselves to be. 79 00:04:10,560 --> 00:04:13,640 In Australia, they discovered that sheep possess morphic knowledge. 80 00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:16,240 They found that sheep managed to get across a cattle grid 81 00:04:16,440 --> 00:04:18,160 by lying on their backs, 82 00:04:18,480 --> 00:04:19,960 holding their legs up, and rolling across them. 83 00:04:20,200 --> 00:04:21,520 'Cause they were like a little furry ball. 84 00:04:21,840 --> 00:04:24,760 And sheep were doing it almost at the same time... 85 00:04:25,080 --> 00:04:26,360 ..1,000 miles away, other side of Australia. 86 00:04:26,640 --> 00:04:27,880 But that's it, people don't know. 87 00:04:28,200 --> 00:04:29,720 That's why it's called morphic resonance or morphic knowledge. 88 00:04:30,000 --> 00:04:31,240 It started with tits. 89 00:04:31,560 --> 00:04:34,240 Blue tits seemed to discover, in different parts of Britain, 90 00:04:34,520 --> 00:04:36,800 to peck open the silver top of a milk bottle, 91 00:04:37,080 --> 00:04:39,760 within a week of each other in Scotland and in England, 92 00:04:40,040 --> 00:04:41,440 without any tit having done it before. 93 00:04:41,720 --> 00:04:43,840 And they were too far away from each other to have communicated. 94 00:04:44,160 --> 00:04:46,000 And this theory arose of what's called, 95 00:04:46,200 --> 00:04:48,040 as Sean said, morphic resonance. 96 00:04:48,320 --> 00:04:50,080 - Er, cats and violins. - Oh, yes. 97 00:04:50,360 --> 00:04:52,480 The people who had the monopoly as it were, put it about 98 00:04:52,680 --> 00:04:53,960 that it was made of catgut, 99 00:04:54,240 --> 00:04:56,080 knowing that their rivals would never dare kill cats, 100 00:04:56,400 --> 00:04:58,000 and they wanted to, kind of, keep it secret. 101 00:04:58,280 --> 00:05:02,120 The same families have run violin string-making for over 600 years. 102 00:05:02,400 --> 00:05:04,840 But now, of course, there's nylon and steel added, 103 00:05:05,120 --> 00:05:07,400 though people still say the old sheep gut is still the best. 104 00:05:07,680 --> 00:05:09,760 I thought it was something to do with the cat's penis. 105 00:05:09,960 --> 00:05:11,200 Did you? 106 00:05:11,520 --> 00:05:13,680 Isn't it a strange shape, like a violin, or something like that? 107 00:05:13,960 --> 00:05:15,160 - Is it really strange? - That would... 108 00:05:16,920 --> 00:05:20,600 What would be the shape of the female's orifice? 109 00:05:20,760 --> 00:05:22,600 A violin case. 110 00:05:27,060 --> 00:05:28,540 Isn't it? Haven't they got a strange shape? 111 00:05:28,860 --> 00:05:32,380 That's why they screech so loudly when they're... 112 00:05:32,660 --> 00:05:34,580 Cats' penises are barbed and have a bone in them. 113 00:05:34,860 --> 00:05:36,380 So yes, they are an unusual shape, unless... 114 00:05:36,660 --> 00:05:38,380 - Yeah, they've got a bone. That was it. - Yep. 115 00:05:38,580 --> 00:05:40,100 Cats could choke on small bones. 116 00:05:42,900 --> 00:05:44,380 So, you wouldn't want to fiddle with them. 117 00:05:44,700 --> 00:05:45,860 That's the connection with the violin. 118 00:05:48,180 --> 00:05:49,580 Nice. 119 00:05:51,220 --> 00:05:53,940 Now. We're still musical, as we hope to be all evening. 120 00:05:54,260 --> 00:05:56,300 Now, what kind of music do spiders like? 121 00:05:56,620 --> 00:05:58,340 - Well, I reckon... - Yeah, go on. 122 00:05:58,620 --> 00:06:02,420 ..they've got eight legs - they'd appreciate a one-man band. 123 00:06:02,700 --> 00:06:04,540 You know, chicka-chicka-ching, 124 00:06:04,820 --> 00:06:06,620 dum-dum, brrp-brrp-da-drrp, doof-doof. 125 00:06:06,900 --> 00:06:09,500 You know, they'd appreciate that all-round entertainer. 126 00:06:09,700 --> 00:06:11,060 (# Handel - Water Music) 127 00:06:11,340 --> 00:06:13,460 - Et cetera. - Er, Kylie Minogue. 128 00:06:13,740 --> 00:06:15,020 - Why's that? - Spinning Around. 129 00:06:15,260 --> 00:06:16,540 Spinning Around. Very good. 130 00:06:16,860 --> 00:06:19,460 You could have said, Andrew Lloyd Webber, I suppose. 131 00:06:19,740 --> 00:06:21,980 Actually, on a similar note, might it be Cliff Richards? 132 00:06:22,260 --> 00:06:23,420 - Because isn't his real name... - Richards? 133 00:06:23,740 --> 00:06:25,660 - Cliff Richard, rather - beg your pardon. - Is? - Webb. 134 00:06:25,940 --> 00:06:28,340 - It is, his real name's Webb. - Marti Webb. 135 00:06:28,620 --> 00:06:30,500 Marti Webb. It's all just, isn't it? 136 00:06:30,520 --> 00:06:32,240 But I don't think spiders are that into puns. 137 00:06:33,960 --> 00:06:37,760 I think they like flies, stuff like that, cheese. 138 00:06:38,040 --> 00:06:39,680 I'll tell you an interesting fact about spiders. 139 00:06:39,840 --> 00:06:41,960 The Huntsman spider - 140 00:06:42,240 --> 00:06:45,040 well, a fact everyone knows, doesn't actually build a web - 141 00:06:45,360 --> 00:06:48,040 - is the only spider with lungs. - Ooh, I like that. 142 00:06:48,320 --> 00:06:50,600 So, you can get it a birthday cake with a candle on. 143 00:06:53,280 --> 00:06:57,760 What a sweet thing to think of. What a nice way of thinking. 144 00:06:57,960 --> 00:07:00,280 What do spiders do to flies? 145 00:07:00,600 --> 00:07:02,800 They wrap them up in web, like in Lord Of The Rings. 146 00:07:03,120 --> 00:07:04,480 - Yeah, and? - Like silk. 147 00:07:04,760 --> 00:07:08,920 And then take them off, till they've softened up a bit and then eat them. 148 00:07:09,240 --> 00:07:11,320 That's the odd thing, 'cause they don't eat them - they drink them. 149 00:07:11,640 --> 00:07:14,120 - They drink them and dissolve them. - They squirt them with that acid 150 00:07:14,400 --> 00:07:16,120 that dissolves them into a sort of liquid. 151 00:07:16,440 --> 00:07:20,120 Flies, when they land on your food, they immediately vomit on it. 152 00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:23,000 And then they tread about on it, like that, 153 00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:25,640 get it all mushy, and then they digest that. 154 00:07:25,920 --> 00:07:27,600 - That's quite rude, isn't it? - It is. 155 00:07:27,880 --> 00:07:29,400 And they listen with their eight feet. 156 00:07:29,640 --> 00:07:31,080 They can hear you coming. 157 00:07:31,440 --> 00:07:33,760 - They listen with their feet? - They have a penis on their head. 158 00:07:33,960 --> 00:07:35,360 It's on the end of a little feeler. 159 00:07:35,640 --> 00:07:36,960 That's where their mating organ is, the males. 160 00:07:37,240 --> 00:07:39,320 - They're just a mess, aren't they? - Exactly. 161 00:07:39,560 --> 00:07:41,120 They're all dickheads, really. 162 00:07:43,800 --> 00:07:46,000 And they have eight eyes, as well, most of them. 163 00:07:46,280 --> 00:07:47,960 - Spiders have eight eyes and eight legs? - Yes. 164 00:07:48,240 --> 00:07:50,360 The answer to this question is it seems to be classical music, 165 00:07:50,640 --> 00:07:53,120 'cause they did an experiment 166 00:07:53,400 --> 00:07:56,120 - and they found that... - Who are they? 167 00:07:56,400 --> 00:07:59,240 University of Ohio, in this instance, is they. Or are they. 168 00:07:59,520 --> 00:08:01,520 The University of (Bleep) All-Else-Better-To-Do. 169 00:08:01,760 --> 00:08:02,960 Ah, well, no. 170 00:08:03,240 --> 00:08:05,440 Formerly the Polytechnic of (Bleep) All-Else-To-Do. 171 00:08:06,840 --> 00:08:10,160 Domestic spiders were subjected to Bach, techno - 172 00:08:10,440 --> 00:08:12,360 which I believe is some kind of modern music - 173 00:08:12,600 --> 00:08:13,840 and rap. 174 00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:15,800 For techno and rap, they built their webs 175 00:08:16,080 --> 00:08:17,800 as far away from the speakers as possible. 176 00:08:18,000 --> 00:08:19,320 For classical music, closer to. 177 00:08:19,680 --> 00:08:21,920 Someone very close to me told me about a music called tesco. 178 00:08:22,200 --> 00:08:23,560 - Do you know about that? - BOTH: No. 179 00:08:23,880 --> 00:08:25,120 It's a blend of disco and techno. 180 00:08:25,320 --> 00:08:27,040 Rather sweet, as it's known as tesco. 181 00:08:27,360 --> 00:08:29,400 And they have tesco evenings in certain nightclubs. 182 00:08:29,720 --> 00:08:32,200 - Really? - Type of modern young person's dance music, 183 00:08:32,520 --> 00:08:37,640 like two-step UK garage for example, which is my particular favourite. 184 00:08:37,960 --> 00:08:39,760 These will be nightclubs right on the edge of town. 185 00:08:40,080 --> 00:08:42,440 Plenty of parking. 186 00:08:44,600 --> 00:08:46,640 Another bizarre experiment on spiders - 187 00:08:46,920 --> 00:08:48,920 and this, I think, will fascinate you - was conducted by NASA. 188 00:08:49,280 --> 00:08:50,600 Really extraordinary experiment, in 1995, 189 00:08:50,880 --> 00:08:54,200 to see how spiders reacted to drugs. 190 00:08:54,560 --> 00:08:56,440 So, behind you are some of the results. 191 00:08:56,760 --> 00:09:01,040 We have two webs - one produced on LSD, and one produced on caffeine. 192 00:09:01,320 --> 00:09:03,440 You have to match the drug to the web. 193 00:09:03,720 --> 00:09:06,200 I bet the worse one is caffeine. On the right there. 194 00:09:06,400 --> 00:09:07,640 That's what you reckon, yeah? 195 00:09:07,920 --> 00:09:10,160 The other one looks like a bullet through glass on Callan. 196 00:09:10,360 --> 00:09:11,640 You're absolutely right. 197 00:09:11,960 --> 00:09:14,320 The extraordinary thing is that when they give them LSD, 198 00:09:14,640 --> 00:09:17,000 they make even more geometrically perfect webs 199 00:09:17,280 --> 00:09:19,640 than they do in nature. It's absolutely perfect. 200 00:09:19,920 --> 00:09:22,360 - And they see spiders everywhere. - Well, they'd see humans, probably. 201 00:09:22,680 --> 00:09:25,880 Ooh, it's a bad trip, I saw humans floating in front of my eyes. 202 00:09:27,280 --> 00:09:29,360 And that jangled mess on the right is caffeine, 203 00:09:29,560 --> 00:09:31,240 the world's most popular drug. 204 00:09:31,440 --> 00:09:34,240 80% of all human beings take caffeine at least once a day. 205 00:09:34,520 --> 00:09:37,080 There's an exhibition at the British Museum at the moment 206 00:09:37,320 --> 00:09:38,760 and it's about healthy living, or life, 207 00:09:39,000 --> 00:09:40,400 and the things we do to ourselves, 208 00:09:40,680 --> 00:09:45,160 - and there's an exhibit with 14,000 pills in it... - Ah. 209 00:09:45,400 --> 00:09:47,360 ..all sewn into a big mesh 210 00:09:47,640 --> 00:09:49,960 to represent the pills that an average First World person 211 00:09:50,160 --> 00:09:51,880 takes in their life. 212 00:09:52,080 --> 00:09:53,960 That would last my nan about a week. 213 00:09:56,400 --> 00:09:59,120 Not content with that, we kind of push our gear on spiders 214 00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:00,640 for some extraordinary reason. 215 00:10:00,880 --> 00:10:03,040 You try it. We don't want coffee. Try it, have it. 216 00:10:03,360 --> 00:10:05,440 Want to see what you do. Want to see what you do. 217 00:10:05,640 --> 00:10:08,480 Oh! Ah, look, you're weird. Thanks. 218 00:10:08,760 --> 00:10:12,080 There'd be a lot of loud-laughing flies if they saw that. 219 00:10:12,360 --> 00:10:13,880 Ooh, I just fly straight through it. It's great. 220 00:10:15,240 --> 00:10:18,440 We have another one, and you have to guess the drug. Let's have a look. 221 00:10:18,720 --> 00:10:21,000 There we are. What would that be as a result of? 222 00:10:21,240 --> 00:10:22,480 Lager. 223 00:10:24,240 --> 00:10:26,680 - Any other thoughts? - Marijuana. 224 00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:29,640 Marijuana is the right answer. (American accent) Mary Jane. 225 00:10:29,960 --> 00:10:31,960 Or cannabis, or whatever else you'd like to call it. 226 00:10:32,240 --> 00:10:33,600 'Cause they couldn't be arsed to finish it. 227 00:10:33,840 --> 00:10:35,640 Exactly. Good. 228 00:10:35,960 --> 00:10:38,480 Now, listen to this piece of music by The Mamas and The Papas. 229 00:10:38,760 --> 00:10:41,520 # Ba-da, ba-da-da-da 230 00:10:41,760 --> 00:10:45,040 # Monday, Monday 231 00:10:45,320 --> 00:10:47,440 - # So good to me - # Ba-da-da 232 00:10:47,640 --> 00:10:50,280 # Ba-da, ba-da-da-da 233 00:10:50,520 --> 00:10:51,880 # Monday morning. # 234 00:10:52,200 --> 00:10:54,440 Lovely. That, as I say, is the sound of 235 00:10:54,720 --> 00:10:56,720 Monday Monday by The Mamas and the Papas. 236 00:10:57,000 --> 00:10:58,440 But what colour would you say Monday is? 237 00:10:58,680 --> 00:11:01,120 (# Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star) 238 00:11:01,440 --> 00:11:02,720 - Yes. - Blue. 239 00:11:03,000 --> 00:11:05,160 - Blue. Because of...why? Because...? - Just makes me think of blue. 240 00:11:05,400 --> 00:11:06,760 Well, that's right. 241 00:11:07,040 --> 00:11:08,440 Most people, thinking of days of the week, 242 00:11:08,720 --> 00:11:10,240 assign a colour to them. Not assign one... 243 00:11:10,560 --> 00:11:13,480 Wednesday is kind of green, Thursday is brown, Friday is black. 244 00:11:13,680 --> 00:11:15,600 Ah, you see, Friday dark blue to me, 245 00:11:15,840 --> 00:11:17,400 and Thursday is sort of orange, reddy. 246 00:11:17,680 --> 00:11:19,480 - Tuesday is, maybe, yellow. - Yellow. I have a yellow Tuesday. 247 00:11:19,760 --> 00:11:23,200 Saturday's red. Sunday's sort of bluey purple. 248 00:11:23,480 --> 00:11:25,280 Monday's white to me, for some reason. There you are. 249 00:11:25,560 --> 00:11:28,480 Have you done a spider experiment at NASA, you two? 250 00:11:28,720 --> 00:11:31,080 Do you not have any sense of colour...? 251 00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:33,640 No, Monday, I think of a period of time 252 00:11:33,840 --> 00:11:36,840 which has to be endured until Tuesday comes along. 253 00:11:37,120 --> 00:11:40,040 Yes, don't expect a poet laureateship 254 00:11:40,280 --> 00:11:41,720 to be handed to you on a plate. 255 00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:43,360 It's a little bit literal. 256 00:11:43,640 --> 00:11:46,280 If Monday makes you think of blue, does blue make you think of Monday? 257 00:11:46,560 --> 00:11:48,120 - It makes me think of mould. - Yeah. 258 00:11:51,560 --> 00:11:53,800 It's not thought, either. That's to say, it's not thought 259 00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:56,080 in the sense of rational analysis. 260 00:11:56,400 --> 00:11:58,440 It's as if you see the colour in your head. 261 00:11:58,760 --> 00:12:00,320 Well, we'll move onto this because, uh, 262 00:12:00,600 --> 00:12:02,640 I'll play you a chord of music, like so. 263 00:12:02,880 --> 00:12:04,720 (# Piano chord) 264 00:12:05,040 --> 00:12:08,440 Which some of you with perfect pitch might know was D major. 265 00:12:08,760 --> 00:12:10,840 - D, F-sharp, A triad. - Lime green, I had there. 266 00:12:11,120 --> 00:12:14,120 You had lime green? Anybody else have a colour? 267 00:12:15,520 --> 00:12:17,080 - No. - No? 268 00:12:17,400 --> 00:12:18,880 Tell you what I heard. I heard a sound. 269 00:12:19,200 --> 00:12:21,880 - I just thought. I just sat here. - Yes, I know. We do. Most people do. 270 00:12:22,080 --> 00:12:24,880 Anyone hear a sound? 271 00:12:25,200 --> 00:12:27,880 Anyone? Or just me? Please, God, not again! 272 00:12:28,200 --> 00:12:31,720 I just thought of, also, a sound man going, 'Yes!' 273 00:12:32,040 --> 00:12:34,160 It's true, 'cause he really did it well. Let's try it again. 274 00:12:34,440 --> 00:12:35,800 (# Piano chord) He's good, isn't he? 275 00:12:36,120 --> 00:12:38,720 He's going, 'Oh-uh-oh.' (# Piano chord) 276 00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:42,040 (# Piano chords) He's very good, that sound man. 277 00:12:42,320 --> 00:12:45,080 He's very good. Round of applause. (Laughs) 278 00:12:46,920 --> 00:12:49,400 - If I do it, will he do it for me? - Go on, see. 279 00:12:49,680 --> 00:12:51,400 (# Piano chord) Yes, with one finger, as well. 280 00:12:51,600 --> 00:12:53,800 (# Piano chord) 281 00:12:54,120 --> 00:12:55,840 - Will he do it for me? - Move up the scale. 282 00:12:56,040 --> 00:12:58,160 (# Piano chord) (Laughs) Eh! 283 00:12:58,440 --> 00:13:02,120 No, the fact is there is this condition known as synaesthesia, 284 00:13:02,400 --> 00:13:04,720 which is quite common, in which people genuinely see a colour 285 00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:06,480 when they hear sound. 286 00:13:06,760 --> 00:13:10,120 Rimsky-Korsakov, for example, saw that D major chord. Boing! 287 00:13:10,400 --> 00:13:12,080 (# Piano chord) Ah-ha! 288 00:13:12,360 --> 00:13:16,640 There's Rimsky-Korsakov. He saw it as a glorious sunny yellow. 289 00:13:16,920 --> 00:13:19,800 Liszt would say to orchestras, and completely baffle them, 290 00:13:20,080 --> 00:13:21,360 'No, no, no, please, gentlemen - bluer, bluer.' 291 00:13:21,640 --> 00:13:23,040 Julian Asher, who is a neuroscientist, 292 00:13:23,280 --> 00:13:24,640 who also has synaesthesia, 293 00:13:24,920 --> 00:13:26,840 tried to explain it - 'cause he had it as a child - 294 00:13:27,160 --> 00:13:28,880 and he used to go to concerts with his parents, 295 00:13:29,240 --> 00:13:31,680 and he always used to assume that the lights went down before the concert 296 00:13:32,000 --> 00:13:34,480 so you could see the colours better as they came off the orchestra. 297 00:13:34,760 --> 00:13:37,000 He just always assumed that 'cause he assumed, as you would, 298 00:13:37,280 --> 00:13:38,640 that everybody had the same experience - 299 00:13:38,960 --> 00:13:40,840 that when they heard music, they saw colours, 300 00:13:41,080 --> 00:13:42,840 right in front of them, for real. 301 00:13:43,120 --> 00:13:46,680 And Rimsky-Korsakov wrote down that he saw, and so, going up from F, 302 00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:49,120 we have E major. (# Piano chord) 303 00:13:49,520 --> 00:13:52,400 And that for him was bright blue. And F major. 304 00:13:52,680 --> 00:13:55,960 (# Piano chord) - Red. - Uh, bright green for him. 305 00:13:56,240 --> 00:13:58,080 But this is interesting. E-flat major. 306 00:13:58,280 --> 00:14:00,120 (# Piano chord) 307 00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:02,160 - Magnolia. - Miserable grey for him. 308 00:14:02,480 --> 00:14:04,680 Well, isn't that interesting? 'Cause it's very, very common indeed, 309 00:14:04,960 --> 00:14:07,040 E-flat major, for singers. It's their most common chord. 310 00:14:07,280 --> 00:14:08,560 It's quite odd, that photograph. 311 00:14:08,840 --> 00:14:10,320 It's not like he's posed for it - not full-on. 312 00:14:10,640 --> 00:14:11,960 It's like he's coming out of somewhere, 313 00:14:12,240 --> 00:14:15,680 and someone's taken a sort of Victorian paparazzi snap of him. 314 00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:18,560 It's probably CT camera, or a Victorian CT camera, 315 00:14:18,840 --> 00:14:23,680 which was a bloke with a big clunk...moving along the street. 316 00:14:23,920 --> 00:14:27,040 Now, in 1988, lady and gentlemen. 317 00:14:27,320 --> 00:14:30,960 In 1988, Warner Communications as then was, 318 00:14:31,280 --> 00:14:37,600 paid John F. Sengstack $28 million for the rights to a single song. 319 00:14:37,880 --> 00:14:39,240 I just want to know what it was. 320 00:14:39,560 --> 00:14:41,840 (# Vivaldi - Spring) 1988. Yes? 321 00:14:42,080 --> 00:14:43,360 A bit pricey. 322 00:14:43,560 --> 00:14:46,080 (Laughs) It was. It was. 323 00:14:46,400 --> 00:14:47,680 They reckon they'll do well out of it. 324 00:14:47,960 --> 00:14:50,440 - National anthem? - It was not the national anthem. Not copyright. 325 00:14:50,800 --> 00:14:52,360 (# Handel - Water Music) Yes. 326 00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:54,240 Was it the theme to Button Moon? 327 00:14:54,520 --> 00:14:57,960 (Laughs) Lovely idea. It wasn't that. 328 00:14:58,280 --> 00:14:59,640 - Hokey Cokey? - No.- - Happy Birthday? 329 00:14:59,840 --> 00:15:01,520 Ah, thank you very much, Mark Gatiss. 330 00:15:01,760 --> 00:15:03,840 It was indeed Happy Birthday To You, 331 00:15:04,120 --> 00:15:07,440 which was composed in 1924 by a couple of old biddies. 332 00:15:07,640 --> 00:15:09,040 $28 million? 333 00:15:09,320 --> 00:15:11,160 $28 million. They make about $2 million a year. 334 00:15:11,480 --> 00:15:14,560 What did the people sing in 1923, for goodness sake? 335 00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:18,160 They brought the cake out, everyone just stood about 336 00:15:18,360 --> 00:15:19,840 in a slightly awkward silence? 337 00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:23,880 It's infinitely preferable than having that bloody song sung at you. 338 00:15:24,160 --> 00:15:28,480 You're older! You're older! You're older! 339 00:15:28,760 --> 00:15:31,240 It was written by these two, and then Irving Berlin included it, 340 00:15:31,520 --> 00:15:33,400 with the words Happy Birthday To You, which they didn't write - 341 00:15:33,680 --> 00:15:34,920 nobody knows who did write those. 342 00:15:35,240 --> 00:15:38,160 He included it in a 1933 musical, so they sued, and won, 343 00:15:38,400 --> 00:15:39,640 and retained the copyright. 344 00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:41,840 And in theory, if you sing it in a restaurant, 345 00:15:42,080 --> 00:15:43,360 you owe Warner Brothers money, 346 00:15:43,640 --> 00:15:44,880 because it's counted as a public place. 347 00:15:45,160 --> 00:15:47,320 You'd have to be very honest to phone them up and go, 348 00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:51,840 'Er, it was my birthday last night, how much do I owe you? 349 00:15:52,120 --> 00:15:54,760 And I hummed a few bars of Let It Be, as well.' 350 00:15:56,840 --> 00:15:58,960 Happy Birthday was the first song to be sung in space, 351 00:15:59,200 --> 00:16:00,480 by the Apollo 9 crew. 352 00:16:00,760 --> 00:16:02,880 Do you know what the original song was written as - the lyrics? 353 00:16:03,080 --> 00:16:04,360 They weren't Happy Birthday To You. 354 00:16:04,600 --> 00:16:06,960 It was a death row song. 355 00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:09,080 # You won't be alive tomorrow 356 00:16:11,400 --> 00:16:12,800 Yeah. 357 00:16:13,080 --> 00:16:14,480 # Don't bother making your bed. # 358 00:16:16,080 --> 00:16:18,680 - No. - A really, really good idea for Ainsley Harriott 359 00:16:18,960 --> 00:16:20,920 would be Ainsley's Death Row Dinners. 360 00:16:22,760 --> 00:16:25,640 Don't you think? 'Cause he's so jolly. 361 00:16:25,920 --> 00:16:28,080 Originally, it was written as a teachers' song 362 00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:29,800 to sing to their class. 363 00:16:30,080 --> 00:16:31,520 Good Morning To All, it was called. 364 00:16:31,800 --> 00:16:34,480 Then it became Good Morning To You, and then Happy Birthday To You. 365 00:16:34,680 --> 00:16:36,320 That's its history. Anyway. 366 00:16:36,600 --> 00:16:38,680 What was the most disastrous composition 367 00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:41,080 of the man who gave the world The Wombling Song, 368 00:16:41,400 --> 00:16:43,400 Remembering You're A Womble, Wombling Free, 369 00:16:43,720 --> 00:16:44,960 - Wombling In The Rain... - Mike Batt. 370 00:16:45,240 --> 00:16:46,400 (# Handel - Water Music) ..Non-Stop Wombling Summer Party, 371 00:16:46,720 --> 00:16:48,280 whose name, as you rightly say, is Mike Batt. 372 00:16:48,520 --> 00:16:50,720 - All of them. - Yes. 373 00:16:51,000 --> 00:16:53,600 But one of them was particularly and rather amazingly disastrous. 374 00:16:53,880 --> 00:16:55,120 (# Vivaldi - Spring) 375 00:16:55,400 --> 00:16:59,240 - Not one of those I've mentioned. - Was it The Wombling (bleep) Party? 376 00:17:01,800 --> 00:17:03,560 It was actually a financial disaster. 377 00:17:03,840 --> 00:17:05,440 - # Free Myra Hindley. # - Ooh, hang on. 378 00:17:05,640 --> 00:17:08,200 (# Handel - Water Music) 379 00:17:10,440 --> 00:17:12,560 Free Myra Hindley?! 380 00:17:12,800 --> 00:17:14,840 It didn't take long. 381 00:17:15,120 --> 00:17:16,880 # Free Myra Hindley. # Kapow! 382 00:17:19,480 --> 00:17:21,880 No, he didn't go that far. No, it was on an album. 383 00:17:22,160 --> 00:17:25,400 He had a track which lasted a minute, and it was complete silence. 384 00:17:25,680 --> 00:17:27,080 - Ah, yes. - It was called A Minute's Silence. 385 00:17:27,360 --> 00:17:29,560 And he was sued by... who would sue him? 386 00:17:29,840 --> 00:17:31,960 - Cage. John Cage. - John Cage. - John Cage, exactly. 387 00:17:32,280 --> 00:17:36,280 Author of 4'33", the famous 1952 composition of complete silence. 388 00:17:36,480 --> 00:17:37,760 What a load of rubbish. 389 00:17:38,080 --> 00:17:40,640 But there are two reasons why we shouldn't feel sorry for Mike Batt. 390 00:17:40,920 --> 00:17:46,160 One is, he actually put One Minute's Silence (Batt/Cage), 391 00:17:46,480 --> 00:17:48,680 so, uh-huh... And the second reason is, 392 00:17:48,960 --> 00:17:51,920 he wrote the campaign song for William Hague's 97 campaign, 393 00:17:52,200 --> 00:17:54,120 so whatever shit is flung at him, frankly... 394 00:17:56,520 --> 00:17:58,760 I heard one of the best ever links done on radio 395 00:17:59,040 --> 00:18:01,720 was done by Dale Winton on his Radio 2 show. 396 00:18:02,040 --> 00:18:04,760 He played Watership D...you know, Bright Eyes, which Mike Batt wrote. 397 00:18:05,040 --> 00:18:06,800 - You know, # Bright eyes... # - Yes, indeed. 398 00:18:07,080 --> 00:18:09,640 And he got to the end of it, and he goes, 399 00:18:09,840 --> 00:18:11,480 'Listen to that,' he said. 400 00:18:11,760 --> 00:18:13,840 'A song about a rabbit, written by a Batt.' 401 00:18:15,360 --> 00:18:17,800 - And I thought, that's ghastly. - Dale...well, he is the guv'nor. 402 00:18:18,080 --> 00:18:19,960 He's the guv'nor, of course. 403 00:18:20,160 --> 00:18:22,360 I saw The Wombles. 404 00:18:22,680 --> 00:18:24,680 - Live? - They were actually men dressed as Wombles, 405 00:18:24,960 --> 00:18:26,200 So they were enormous. 406 00:18:26,520 --> 00:18:29,560 It was one of the most frightening things of my entire childhood. 407 00:18:29,880 --> 00:18:31,400 - Freak you out? - They towered over children 408 00:18:31,680 --> 00:18:34,400 who'd come to see little cute Wombles who gathered litter 409 00:18:34,640 --> 00:18:36,400 and lived in a burrow. 410 00:18:36,600 --> 00:18:38,240 Loomed over them, like that. 411 00:18:38,520 --> 00:18:39,760 Was it Christmas? 412 00:18:40,040 --> 00:18:41,560 All the dwarves are booked up round that time. 413 00:18:42,960 --> 00:18:46,000 Two actor friends of mine were in this pantomime version 414 00:18:46,200 --> 00:18:47,920 of The Wind In The Willows. 415 00:18:48,240 --> 00:18:51,040 One was the badger and one was Toad. 416 00:18:51,360 --> 00:18:53,720 And they didn't really get on. They were getting on quite badly. 417 00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:56,400 So obviously, there's quite a long section of the show 418 00:18:56,640 --> 00:19:00,120 where Badger is nagging Toad, you know, to change his ways. 419 00:19:00,400 --> 00:19:03,200 And one day, my friend who was the toad, just got really, really drunk 420 00:19:03,480 --> 00:19:05,560 and he turned up for the afternoon show, 421 00:19:05,760 --> 00:19:07,160 and Badger started telling him off, 422 00:19:07,440 --> 00:19:08,960 saying, 'You've got to mend your ways.' 423 00:19:09,240 --> 00:19:12,200 And he just said, 'You (bleep) off you stripey bastard!' 424 00:19:16,320 --> 00:19:18,200 Are the children still in therapy? 425 00:19:20,920 --> 00:19:22,520 Anyway, here's an interesting question, as well. 426 00:19:22,800 --> 00:19:27,440 What was unique about Good Friday, 1930, that urgently required 427 00:19:27,640 --> 00:19:29,600 ten minutes of light piano music? 428 00:19:29,880 --> 00:19:32,200 Did Jesus come back, change His mind, and they had to fill in? 429 00:19:33,480 --> 00:19:36,160 No...it was a news program, but instead of news, 430 00:19:36,440 --> 00:19:38,840 they played ten minutes' light music. Why would that be? 431 00:19:39,120 --> 00:19:40,520 'Cause something had happened? 432 00:19:40,800 --> 00:19:43,280 - Quite the opposite. - Nothing had happened? - Nothing had happened. 433 00:19:43,560 --> 00:19:44,960 'Oh, no news today.' 434 00:19:45,240 --> 00:19:46,720 An announcer came on and said, 'Ladies and gentlemen, 435 00:19:47,040 --> 00:19:48,880 there is no news tonight, so here is some music.' 436 00:19:49,080 --> 00:19:51,920 Absolutely true. Absolutely true. 437 00:19:55,640 --> 00:19:57,440 - There was no news? - Nothing happening... 438 00:19:57,800 --> 00:19:59,480 Well, in fact, we've tried to check what did happen, 439 00:19:59,720 --> 00:20:01,160 and aside from football matches, 440 00:20:01,440 --> 00:20:04,400 in India, there was the start of what was called the Chittagong Rebellion. 441 00:20:04,680 --> 00:20:06,800 700 youths attacked the telegraph office, 442 00:20:07,080 --> 00:20:09,440 disconnected all communications in the city of Chittagong, 443 00:20:09,720 --> 00:20:11,240 but that didn't happen until ten o'clock. 444 00:20:11,520 --> 00:20:13,040 It was too late for the news in London. 445 00:20:13,280 --> 00:20:14,840 So, there was no news, it seems. 446 00:20:15,120 --> 00:20:16,480 They probably didn't have traffic reports. 447 00:20:16,720 --> 00:20:18,040 They wouldn't have had traffic reports. 448 00:20:18,360 --> 00:20:20,320 'Here we go live to the camera at Hanger Lane... 449 00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:22,360 ..and there's a bloke on a bike.' 450 00:20:25,080 --> 00:20:27,040 'Lorks, I wouldn't give you much chance of getting home 451 00:20:27,360 --> 00:20:29,320 before six o'clock, and that's a fact.' 452 00:20:29,640 --> 00:20:30,920 'You'd better call up your maid and butler, 453 00:20:31,200 --> 00:20:33,520 and tell them to put something in the oven.' 454 00:20:35,640 --> 00:20:37,160 But that's ridic... I mean, local papers 455 00:20:37,440 --> 00:20:38,960 have to deal with no news every week. 456 00:20:39,240 --> 00:20:40,880 They still write the paper every week. 457 00:20:41,200 --> 00:20:43,200 My favourite ever... When I used to live in Sheffield - 458 00:20:43,480 --> 00:20:45,640 the Sheffield Star - my favourite ever headline. 459 00:20:45,880 --> 00:20:48,080 'Worksop Man Dies of Natural Causes.' 460 00:20:50,880 --> 00:20:53,560 Fantastic! Oh, that's bliss. 461 00:20:53,880 --> 00:20:56,960 But what about the story of the giant microphones invading the BBC? 462 00:20:59,160 --> 00:21:00,520 He's terrified. 463 00:21:00,720 --> 00:21:02,080 They were hushing that one up. 464 00:21:02,360 --> 00:21:05,320 The Incredible Shrinking Announcer. 465 00:21:05,520 --> 00:21:08,320 Now, prepare to lose composure, 466 00:21:08,640 --> 00:21:11,560 because it's General Ignorance, so fingers on buzzers. What is this? 467 00:21:11,840 --> 00:21:14,480 (# Beethoven - Fifth Symphony) Tap music? 468 00:21:14,760 --> 00:21:17,680 - Tap music? Yeah, very close. - Looks like taps, doesn't it? 469 00:21:17,880 --> 00:21:20,880 Yes, it does. 470 00:21:21,120 --> 00:21:22,640 By a weird accident, you're right, 471 00:21:22,920 --> 00:21:25,880 - in as much as it's a dance notation. - Ah. 472 00:21:26,160 --> 00:21:28,040 It's known as the Benesh Movement Notation, 473 00:21:28,320 --> 00:21:30,680 which was invented in the 1950s by a Mr Benesh, 474 00:21:31,000 --> 00:21:32,800 who was an accountant and very talented artist and musician. 475 00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:34,480 His wife was a ballet dancer, 476 00:21:34,800 --> 00:21:36,800 and it shows the choreography of a particular dance. 477 00:21:37,080 --> 00:21:38,720 Can you work out what it is? 478 00:21:39,000 --> 00:21:40,360 It sort of represents... 479 00:21:40,680 --> 00:21:41,960 - Is that legs then? - Oh, bodies changing. 480 00:21:42,240 --> 00:21:43,760 (# Handel - Water Music) - Yes? - The Hokey Cokey? 481 00:21:44,040 --> 00:21:46,160 It is the Hokey Cokey! Well done. 482 00:21:46,440 --> 00:21:49,040 And there are legs going in and out. Exactly. 483 00:21:49,320 --> 00:21:51,160 There was an American version of the dance... 484 00:21:51,480 --> 00:21:53,600 A man called Larry LaPrise, and he died in 1996. 485 00:21:53,880 --> 00:21:55,120 What happened at his funeral? 486 00:21:55,440 --> 00:21:57,160 - Oh, they couldn't get him in the coffin. - Why's that? 487 00:21:57,360 --> 00:22:00,560 They put the left leg in... 488 00:22:00,840 --> 00:22:03,160 - ..then the trouble started. - Right, fair enough. Exactly. 489 00:22:04,560 --> 00:22:08,000 Mr Fry, can I do my song? Mr Fry? 490 00:22:09,240 --> 00:22:11,920 Bring back variety. (Audience laugh) 491 00:22:12,200 --> 00:22:13,400 Now, next question. 492 00:22:13,720 --> 00:22:17,440 What was the first invention to break the sound barrier? 493 00:22:17,640 --> 00:22:20,960 Mae West's vibrator. 494 00:22:21,240 --> 00:22:23,440 (Makes buzzing noise) 495 00:22:23,760 --> 00:22:26,800 How fast does a bullet go? (Makes buzzing noise) 496 00:22:27,080 --> 00:22:28,840 I need an answer, not a question. (Makes buzzing noise) 497 00:22:29,040 --> 00:22:31,760 (# Handel - Water Music) 498 00:22:32,000 --> 00:22:34,120 (Makes buzzing noise) More steam! 499 00:22:35,880 --> 00:22:37,800 They've got coal. They're shovelling it in. 500 00:22:40,520 --> 00:22:42,760 (Makes vibrating sound) 501 00:22:42,960 --> 00:22:45,920 Counting to three. Um, so... 502 00:22:46,160 --> 00:22:47,960 She had a giant rubber band, six foot wide, 503 00:22:48,240 --> 00:22:49,640 with ten men twisting it round. 504 00:22:51,000 --> 00:22:52,880 Dear. Dear me. 505 00:22:53,160 --> 00:22:55,920 Cannonball, musket fire, catapults? 506 00:22:56,160 --> 00:22:58,080 (Alarm sounds) Whoa, hello. 507 00:22:58,320 --> 00:22:59,560 No, not a cannonball. 508 00:22:59,880 --> 00:23:02,840 They spelt it wrong, they spelt it wrong! Points to me. 509 00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:06,800 - No, they haven't. - You'd prefer there Ns, would you? 510 00:23:07,080 --> 00:23:09,000 - Two Ns in cannon, isn't there? - Three, I would have thought. 511 00:23:09,320 --> 00:23:11,120 Yeah, well, one on the end, but in the middle. 512 00:23:11,360 --> 00:23:12,640 In the middle, two, yes. 513 00:23:12,960 --> 00:23:16,840 Otherwise it's a ball of religious person. 514 00:23:17,040 --> 00:23:18,320 Yeah, exactly. 515 00:23:18,600 --> 00:23:20,800 We thought it was Bobby and Tommy, you know. 516 00:23:21,080 --> 00:23:22,960 MARK: Hey! (In Northern accent) Hey! 517 00:23:23,280 --> 00:23:26,720 You're looking at me! He's looking at me! 518 00:23:26,960 --> 00:23:28,840 Stop looking! 519 00:23:29,040 --> 00:23:30,800 Alistair McGowan, watch out! 520 00:23:33,240 --> 00:23:34,760 - Anyway... - Not a cannonball then? 521 00:23:35,040 --> 00:23:38,840 No, not a cannonball. It's 7,000 years old - the earliest we've found. 522 00:23:39,080 --> 00:23:40,840 In China, it was invented. 523 00:23:41,120 --> 00:23:42,560 A very common thing in all cultures, though. 524 00:23:42,840 --> 00:23:44,120 - Harrison Ford uses it extensively. - Ooh. 525 00:23:44,480 --> 00:23:46,360 (# Handel - Water Music) - Alan: Whip? - Firework? 526 00:23:46,640 --> 00:23:48,040 Not a firework. (Makes whipping sound) 527 00:23:48,320 --> 00:23:49,640 - A whip is the right answer. - MARK: What?! 528 00:23:49,920 --> 00:23:52,880 A whip. The sound of a whip cracking is not leather hitting leather - 529 00:23:53,160 --> 00:23:55,120 it is a sonic boom, a mini sonic boom. 530 00:23:55,440 --> 00:23:56,680 (Whistling) It's where it makes a loop, 531 00:23:57,000 --> 00:23:59,080 and as it tapers towards the end, it gets faster and faster 532 00:23:59,360 --> 00:24:01,640 till it gets up to 724mph. 533 00:24:01,920 --> 00:24:03,800 - Wowser. - We only discovered this - 534 00:24:04,080 --> 00:24:05,360 humans only discovered it - 535 00:24:05,640 --> 00:24:08,720 When we were able to use high-speed cameras to see it all slowed down, 536 00:24:09,080 --> 00:24:10,760 and see that it wasn't hitting itself, 537 00:24:11,040 --> 00:24:13,160 and that wasn't the noise at all. It was actually... 538 00:24:13,440 --> 00:24:15,040 - But Professor, that's fantastic! - Isn't it?! 539 00:24:15,240 --> 00:24:17,560 Isn't it? It's great news. 540 00:24:17,840 --> 00:24:19,240 Well, on the subject of sounds, 541 00:24:19,520 --> 00:24:21,320 when you listen to the waves in a seashell, 542 00:24:21,560 --> 00:24:23,000 what are you actually hearing? 543 00:24:23,280 --> 00:24:26,280 (# Vivaldi - Spring) Yes? 544 00:24:26,520 --> 00:24:28,480 Nine times out of ten, Norah Jones. 545 00:24:30,120 --> 00:24:31,800 - Norah Jones. - What do you mean? 546 00:24:32,120 --> 00:24:34,400 - What's the sound you hear when you do that? - You're hearing the sea. 547 00:24:34,640 --> 00:24:37,400 (Alarm sounds) 548 00:24:37,680 --> 00:24:40,160 - Why would that be? - You're on the beach, aren't you? 549 00:24:40,440 --> 00:24:42,080 No, you could be in Ashby-de-la-Zouch. 550 00:24:42,360 --> 00:24:44,000 You'd still hear that same noise. (# Handel - Water Music) 551 00:24:44,280 --> 00:24:46,120 I've never done it anywhere away from the seaside. 552 00:24:46,320 --> 00:24:47,680 Ah, you must try it with a mug. 553 00:24:47,960 --> 00:24:49,960 It's the pounding of your blood in your eardrums. 554 00:24:50,280 --> 00:24:52,360 (Alarm sounds) Oh, dear. 555 00:24:52,560 --> 00:24:54,760 No, not that, neither. No. 556 00:24:55,080 --> 00:24:57,560 Who's that girl though, who's got that seashell on her ear? 557 00:24:57,840 --> 00:25:01,160 Oh, she looks like she failed the Magnum advert. 558 00:25:01,560 --> 00:25:02,960 They said, 'No, lick it, you silly bitch!' 559 00:25:10,080 --> 00:25:12,920 They're awfully rude, aren't they? But I know what you mean. 560 00:25:13,200 --> 00:25:16,840 You just get a rushing sound, like...what would that be? 561 00:25:17,160 --> 00:25:19,000 - It's... - Air in your ear? 562 00:25:19,320 --> 00:25:20,480 - Echoes? - Yeah, noise, airflow, resonating inside it. 563 00:25:20,680 --> 00:25:22,200 It works with a mug or a cup. 564 00:25:22,480 --> 00:25:25,040 Course, if you hold a shell-suit to your ear, you can hear Romford. 565 00:25:28,800 --> 00:25:30,880 Very good. 566 00:25:31,200 --> 00:25:34,320 There we are. Now, who wrote the tune for Alan's buzzer? 567 00:25:34,560 --> 00:25:37,200 (# Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star) 568 00:25:37,440 --> 00:25:39,960 Prince Edward. 569 00:25:40,200 --> 00:25:41,640 Who's that? Oh, blimey, it's me. 570 00:25:42,760 --> 00:25:45,080 Is that two of Anne Robinson's daughters? 571 00:25:50,040 --> 00:25:54,520 You see now, how they got the idea for the Slinky, don't you? 572 00:25:54,760 --> 00:25:59,440 I bet there's a clown somewhere, panicking, going 'Jesus Christ!' 573 00:25:59,720 --> 00:26:01,880 It's about five minutes to showtime. He's going 'Aah!' 574 00:26:03,600 --> 00:26:05,120 Why's it not so springy now? 575 00:26:05,440 --> 00:26:07,520 You're not eating so many Cheesy Wotsits, are you? 576 00:26:09,040 --> 00:26:10,760 Also, I'm looking a bit ginger there, aren't I? 577 00:26:11,040 --> 00:26:13,960 - You certainly are. - He looks like the new Anne Robinson. Seen her? 578 00:26:14,280 --> 00:26:16,000 - The new...? Oh, yes. - She's regenerated. 579 00:26:17,400 --> 00:26:20,560 Beautiful new lady. It's extraordinary. 580 00:26:20,840 --> 00:26:23,080 She looks like a Siamese cat walking into a storm. 581 00:26:26,280 --> 00:26:27,920 What was the tune again? I've forgotten. 582 00:26:28,200 --> 00:26:30,280 It was what we would call Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star. 583 00:26:30,600 --> 00:26:33,320 SLOWED DOWN: (# Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star) 584 00:26:33,520 --> 00:26:34,760 Didn't do that last time. 585 00:26:37,920 --> 00:26:39,920 - I bet it's German. - (German accent) Twinkle, Twinkle... 586 00:26:40,200 --> 00:26:42,800 - (German accent) At five years old... - ..Little Star! 587 00:26:44,400 --> 00:26:46,840 No. Mozart wrote an extraordinary series of variations on that tune 588 00:26:47,120 --> 00:26:49,600 at the age of five. Very beautiful variations indeed. 589 00:26:49,800 --> 00:26:52,160 Bloody Mozart. Special needs boy. 590 00:26:54,720 --> 00:26:57,080 And now, let's get to the scores. 591 00:26:57,360 --> 00:26:59,560 And it's rather a dissonant quartet, here. My goodness, me. 592 00:26:59,840 --> 00:27:02,680 Well, look, we're going to have to do it in first to last. 593 00:27:03,000 --> 00:27:06,800 Our winner, very tunefully, is Linda, with two massive and tuneful points. 594 00:27:09,480 --> 00:27:12,520 Two. Two points. Yes! Two. 595 00:27:14,160 --> 00:27:17,560 And Mark managed a perfectly respectful and harmonic minus four. 596 00:27:23,280 --> 00:27:26,640 And Sean was not quite so on song with minus eight. 597 00:27:31,680 --> 00:27:34,160 As usual, I'm sorry to say, 598 00:27:34,440 --> 00:27:38,680 Alan managed an absolutely astounding, caterwauling mess 599 00:27:39,000 --> 00:27:41,600 of a ruin of a sound, which was minus 13. 600 00:27:41,880 --> 00:27:43,240 Congratulations. 601 00:27:49,800 --> 00:27:51,560 That's all from QI for this week. 602 00:27:51,840 --> 00:27:55,240 A big hand, please, for our singers, Sean, Mark, Linda and Alan. 603 00:27:57,840 --> 00:27:59,960 And we leave you with this famous musical memento, 604 00:28:00,320 --> 00:28:03,000 the observation of the conductor Sir Thomas Beecham to a lady cellist. 605 00:28:03,320 --> 00:28:05,920 'Madame, you have between your legs an instrument capable 606 00:28:06,240 --> 00:28:09,720 of giving pleasure to thousands, and all you can do is scratch it.' 607 00:28:09,960 --> 00:28:11,200 Good night. 608 00:28:13,880 --> 00:28:16,760 Closed Captions by CSI - David Hull