1 00:00:24,807 --> 00:00:26,877 (Applause) 2 00:00:26,927 --> 00:00:28,519 (Cheering) 3 00:00:34,087 --> 00:00:38,126 Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, and welcome to another edition of Ql, 4 00:00:38,167 --> 00:00:41,000 the televisual equivalent of an afternoon at the zoo. 5 00:00:41,047 --> 00:00:43,402 Let's meet tonight's performing seals. 6 00:00:43,447 --> 00:00:45,165 Bill Bailey. 7 00:00:47,207 --> 00:00:48,799 Andy Hamilton. 8 00:00:50,407 --> 00:00:52,557 Helen Atkinson Wood. 9 00:00:53,167 --> 00:00:55,362 And Alan Davies. 10 00:00:58,527 --> 00:01:01,678 All right, you party animals, let's hear it. 11 00:01:01,727 --> 00:01:02,716 Bill goes... 12 00:01:02,767 --> 00:01:05,759 (Donkey heehawing) 13 00:01:05,807 --> 00:01:07,001 Andy goes... 14 00:01:07,047 --> 00:01:09,402 (Gorilla grunting) 15 00:01:09,447 --> 00:01:11,677 l'm terribly sorry. 16 00:01:11,727 --> 00:01:12,762 Helen goes... 17 00:01:12,807 --> 00:01:16,083 (Chicken clucking) 18 00:01:16,127 --> 00:01:17,446 And Alan goes... 19 00:01:17,487 --> 00:01:20,047 (Mosquito buzzing) 20 00:01:22,767 --> 00:01:25,918 - l do actually do that. - Yes, you do, yes. 21 00:01:25,967 --> 00:01:28,720 Now we have a rather special edition this evening, ladies and gentlemen, 22 00:01:28,767 --> 00:01:31,725 because we have two hidden prizes tonight. 23 00:01:31,767 --> 00:01:33,883 One of the questions is so impossible 24 00:01:33,927 --> 00:01:37,442 that l shall award a gigantic 200 points 25 00:01:37,487 --> 00:01:39,478 if anyone gets the answer right. 26 00:01:39,527 --> 00:01:41,518 Secondly, we will also have 27 00:01:41,567 --> 00:01:44,718 a spot the cuttlefish competition, 28 00:01:44,767 --> 00:01:47,964 - which we've never had... - There it is! 29 00:01:48,007 --> 00:01:51,044 Because concealed somewhere in the programme later on, 30 00:01:51,087 --> 00:01:53,362 there will be a cuttlefish, or part... 31 00:01:53,407 --> 00:01:57,605 - of a cuttlefish. - l bet it's the penis. 32 00:01:57,647 --> 00:01:59,717 You're so blasé already about penises, aren't you? 33 00:01:59,767 --> 00:02:02,281 And yet there's so many more series to go. 34 00:02:02,327 --> 00:02:03,840 We're only at the letter C so far. 35 00:02:03,887 --> 00:02:09,917 - (Alan) Cock. - As in... As in cockerel or as in... 36 00:02:09,967 --> 00:02:12,083 Stop right there. 37 00:02:12,807 --> 00:02:15,082 And we start with chromosomes, 38 00:02:15,127 --> 00:02:17,800 so fingers on your animals, please. 39 00:02:17,847 --> 00:02:21,760 Which of the four buzzer animals 40 00:02:21,807 --> 00:02:24,002 has the most chromosomes? 41 00:02:24,047 --> 00:02:26,242 (Mosquito buzzing) 42 00:02:26,287 --> 00:02:28,437 - ls that an answer? - Yeah. 43 00:02:28,487 --> 00:02:32,366 My one, the mosquito does. lt has... seven. 44 00:02:35,967 --> 00:02:38,765 That's an interestingly precise number. 45 00:02:38,807 --> 00:02:41,082 l think l'm right in saying that in all animals chromosomes are paired, 46 00:02:41,127 --> 00:02:43,687 so l think we're looking for an even number. 47 00:02:43,727 --> 00:02:46,161 - That's why it's quite interesting. - (Bill) Yeah. 48 00:02:46,207 --> 00:02:48,277 (Gorilla noise) 49 00:02:48,327 --> 00:02:50,716 l'm going to say my gorilla. 50 00:02:50,767 --> 00:02:52,086 (Alarm) 51 00:02:52,127 --> 00:02:55,802 Oh, already. lt seems rather unfair, but no. 52 00:02:55,847 --> 00:02:58,441 No, you'd think, wouldn't you, because we're very closely related to them, 53 00:02:58,487 --> 00:03:00,364 and they're intelligent, you would imagine the chromosome 54 00:03:00,407 --> 00:03:03,319 - is something to boast about. - (Chicken clucking) 55 00:03:03,367 --> 00:03:06,677 Well, l think it might be something to do with mine, 56 00:03:06,727 --> 00:03:08,957 because of all the eggs it lays. 57 00:03:09,007 --> 00:03:11,646 Do you think a chicken lays more eggs than a mosquito? 58 00:03:11,687 --> 00:03:13,882 Y... no. 59 00:03:14,967 --> 00:03:17,037 - (Donkey heehawing) - ln that case, it must be, 60 00:03:17,087 --> 00:03:19,442 it must be the donkey, 61 00:03:19,487 --> 00:03:22,957 because they lay more eggs than all the others. 62 00:03:23,007 --> 00:03:25,965 No, it's not that. lt is actually Helen's chicken, 63 00:03:26,007 --> 00:03:28,646 which has 78 chromosomes. 64 00:03:28,687 --> 00:03:30,803 lt's one of the most mysterious puzzles of all science, 65 00:03:30,847 --> 00:03:33,315 that the apparent complexity of living creatures 66 00:03:33,367 --> 00:03:35,801 bears no relation to their genetic make-up, 67 00:03:35,847 --> 00:03:37,678 or to their genome, as it's called. 68 00:03:37,727 --> 00:03:41,356 lt's sometimes called the C-value paradox, apparently. 69 00:03:41,407 --> 00:03:45,195 Perhaps unsurprisingly, a mosquito has six chromosomes, 70 00:03:45,247 --> 00:03:46,760 so you weren't far off, were you? 71 00:03:46,807 --> 00:03:50,436 l mean, a pig has a respectable 38 chromosomes. 72 00:03:50,487 --> 00:03:52,842 A mere mouse has 40, though, two more. 73 00:03:52,887 --> 00:03:55,720 (Alan) How many have l got? 74 00:03:55,767 --> 00:03:57,644 Ah, you see now, we'll come to that. 75 00:03:57,687 --> 00:04:00,406 The supposedly dunderheaded sheep first, 76 00:04:00,447 --> 00:04:02,563 how many would you imagine that has? 77 00:04:02,607 --> 00:04:04,563 (Andy) What sort of sheep is it? 78 00:04:04,607 --> 00:04:07,405 What sort of sheep? One that goes baaa. 79 00:04:07,447 --> 00:04:09,438 Well, there's, to quote Monty Python, 80 00:04:09,487 --> 00:04:11,318 there is that most dangerous of animal, 81 00:04:11,367 --> 00:04:13,085 - the intelligent sheep. - (Stephen) That's true. 82 00:04:13,127 --> 00:04:14,924 That can climb trees, so. 83 00:04:14,967 --> 00:04:16,923 (Bill) l saw a goat up a tree in Morocco. 84 00:04:16,967 --> 00:04:20,004 They go right up the... l thought it was someone 85 00:04:20,047 --> 00:04:23,005 in the pub having me on. And they don't do much. 86 00:04:23,047 --> 00:04:25,880 And you're sure it was a tree, not a goat-hanger? 87 00:04:25,927 --> 00:04:28,725 - (Groaning) - l'm sorry, no, you're right actually. 88 00:04:28,767 --> 00:04:31,725 Surely there must be some forfeit for that. 89 00:04:31,767 --> 00:04:34,042 l'm deeply ashamed. 90 00:04:34,087 --> 00:04:37,238 Well, a cow has 60 chromosomes. 91 00:04:37,287 --> 00:04:39,755 Goldfish amazingly have 94. 92 00:04:39,807 --> 00:04:42,879 But they're dwarfed by shrimps that have 254. 93 00:04:42,927 --> 00:04:45,521 The world record is 1320. 94 00:04:45,567 --> 00:04:47,398 (Alan) ls that you? 95 00:04:47,927 --> 00:04:50,919 - lt's nothing... No, no it's... - lt's something very basic. 96 00:04:50,967 --> 00:04:53,162 - lt's something... - (Stephen) lt's very, very basic. 97 00:04:53,207 --> 00:04:56,085 Swarfega. 98 00:04:56,127 --> 00:04:58,925 - (Alan) Grass, cheese. - lt's a plant. 99 00:04:58,967 --> 00:05:00,685 - (Alan) Daffodil. - The oldest kind of plant. 100 00:05:00,727 --> 00:05:01,921 (Andy) Fern. 101 00:05:01,967 --> 00:05:04,197 Fern, well done, l'll give you a couple of points there, 102 00:05:04,247 --> 00:05:09,879 it's the adder's tongue fern, southern adder's tongue fern. 103 00:05:09,927 --> 00:05:12,646 And human beings have 46 chromosomes 104 00:05:12,687 --> 00:05:15,121 arranged as 23 pairs. 105 00:05:15,167 --> 00:05:17,761 And that's your entire genetic make-up? 106 00:05:17,807 --> 00:05:21,004 Well, yeah, all your DNA is coiled into a tight package 107 00:05:21,047 --> 00:05:24,676 in a cell and the little bundle it's in is called a chromosome. 108 00:05:24,727 --> 00:05:28,003 But both sexes have two fewer than our close relatives, 109 00:05:28,047 --> 00:05:33,201 the great apes, which have 48, the same number as a potato. 110 00:05:33,807 --> 00:05:36,560 What it seems to be is to do with the age of a species. 111 00:05:36,607 --> 00:05:38,120 The more genetic mutations you go through, 112 00:05:38,167 --> 00:05:40,886 you're just left with more chromosomes, even though they may not do anything, 113 00:05:40,927 --> 00:05:42,838 - and the fern is... - So what was the potato, then, 114 00:05:42,887 --> 00:05:45,401 before it was a potato? What did it evolve from? 115 00:05:45,447 --> 00:05:49,725 - No, the point, well... - The chick pea? 116 00:05:52,247 --> 00:05:54,920 So let's have a look at some apes, 117 00:05:54,967 --> 00:05:56,923 or maybe they are potatoes. 118 00:05:56,967 --> 00:05:59,117 (Bill) Whoo-hoo! 119 00:05:59,167 --> 00:06:02,477 Now my question to you is, what does a pair of pygmy chimpanzees do 120 00:06:02,527 --> 00:06:04,518 when they see a box? 121 00:06:05,127 --> 00:06:08,085 - (Chicken clucking) - Yes, Helen? 122 00:06:08,127 --> 00:06:11,164 Wear children's clothes and have a tea party. 123 00:06:11,207 --> 00:06:13,562 That's usually ordinary chimpanzees. 124 00:06:13,607 --> 00:06:16,997 The pygmy chimpanzee is also known as a bonobo. 125 00:06:17,047 --> 00:06:19,720 - Oh, they're highly sexed. - Ah, you know this, very good. 126 00:06:19,767 --> 00:06:23,316 l just happen to know this cos, you know, 127 00:06:23,367 --> 00:06:25,437 l've got kids and they watch a lot of nature documentaries, 128 00:06:25,487 --> 00:06:27,762 but they find the bonobo extremely funny, 129 00:06:27,807 --> 00:06:31,720 because it's the ape that indulges in huge amounts of recreational sex. 130 00:06:31,767 --> 00:06:35,043 - (Stephen) Yeah, absolutely. - Often with itself. 131 00:06:35,087 --> 00:06:37,078 And they are the happiest ape. 132 00:06:37,127 --> 00:06:40,199 They are the only ape that doesn't go around 133 00:06:40,247 --> 00:06:43,080 - trying to brain other apes. - You're absolutely right, 134 00:06:43,127 --> 00:06:44,958 you must have a whole hatful of points. 135 00:06:45,007 --> 00:06:46,998 l'm just not seeing where the box comes into this. 136 00:06:47,047 --> 00:06:49,242 Just a sort of alien object, 137 00:06:49,287 --> 00:06:51,562 slightly surprising to see in the jungle. 138 00:06:51,607 --> 00:06:54,917 Normal chimpanzees will want to fight each other over it, 139 00:06:54,967 --> 00:06:57,401 males in particular, they'll just simply have a big go at each other 140 00:06:57,447 --> 00:07:00,325 as to who gets the rights to explore this odd object. 141 00:07:00,367 --> 00:07:05,839 But when anything surprises, interests, alerts, fascinates a bonobo, 142 00:07:05,887 --> 00:07:09,357 they shag each other. Whatever their gender. 143 00:07:09,407 --> 00:07:12,285 l had a wonderful explanation given to me once 144 00:07:12,327 --> 00:07:15,319 about the difference between the great apes, 145 00:07:15,367 --> 00:07:17,562 because if you give them a camera, 146 00:07:17,607 --> 00:07:21,043 a chimp will probably take the camera and smash it, 147 00:07:21,087 --> 00:07:23,521 because that's a chimp's idea of fun. 148 00:07:23,567 --> 00:07:26,365 But if you gave a camera to a gorilla, 149 00:07:26,407 --> 00:07:29,444 it will probably unscrew all the bits from the camera 150 00:07:29,487 --> 00:07:32,923 and take the camera apart, very delicately, it won't smash it. 151 00:07:32,967 --> 00:07:35,481 But if an orang-utan got the camera, 152 00:07:35,527 --> 00:07:36,926 it will dismantle it 153 00:07:36,967 --> 00:07:38,923 and then put it back together again. 154 00:07:38,967 --> 00:07:41,800 So l'm not sure that's true, because you'd see them employed 155 00:07:41,847 --> 00:07:45,203 - in camera repair shops. - Yes, you would. 156 00:07:46,367 --> 00:07:48,005 Yeah, if it was a bonobo though, 157 00:07:48,047 --> 00:07:51,596 you'd get loads of pictures back of chimps shagging. 158 00:07:51,647 --> 00:07:54,002 "l never took these." 159 00:07:54,727 --> 00:07:58,720 Male bonobos practise so-called penis fencing. 160 00:07:58,767 --> 00:08:01,884 - Oh, yeah. - Where they... 161 00:08:01,927 --> 00:08:04,282 they hang face to face from a branch 162 00:08:04,327 --> 00:08:06,841 while rubbing their erect penises together. 163 00:08:06,887 --> 00:08:10,323 You see them in Ann Summers buying toys. 164 00:08:10,367 --> 00:08:14,360 - l think that's where the box comes in. - That's what the box is for. 165 00:08:14,407 --> 00:08:16,125 And the amount of sex you have 166 00:08:16,167 --> 00:08:18,317 doesn't necessarily reflect the number of babies you have, 167 00:08:18,367 --> 00:08:20,881 because cod fish only shag each other once 168 00:08:20,927 --> 00:08:23,760 and they have three and a half million little babies. 169 00:08:23,807 --> 00:08:28,244 Think of the pressure the male cod fish is under. 170 00:08:28,287 --> 00:08:32,246 Or, cod fish got a bit drunk, was going "No, nothing to do with me, love. 171 00:08:33,367 --> 00:08:35,403 Erm, the other interesting thing about bonobos 172 00:08:35,447 --> 00:08:38,120 is that they use the missionary position for sex. 173 00:08:38,167 --> 00:08:41,603 Do you think it was taught to them by the missionaries who went out there, 174 00:08:41,647 --> 00:08:43,638 and actually said, "Actually, the way you're doing it 175 00:08:43,687 --> 00:08:45,200 "is a bit ape-like, you want to do it 176 00:08:45,247 --> 00:08:49,399 "in this more civilised Victorian way that we do." 177 00:08:49,447 --> 00:08:52,644 lt's often said that human beings are 98 per cent, 178 00:08:52,687 --> 00:08:54,837 or thereabouts, chimpanzee. 179 00:08:54,887 --> 00:08:57,196 Figures vary, recently been revised downwards actually, 180 00:08:57,247 --> 00:09:01,126 but it's also true to say that human beings are about 35 per cent daffodil. 181 00:09:01,167 --> 00:09:04,876 One of the big differences between chimpanzees and people 182 00:09:04,927 --> 00:09:08,158 is that chimps are terrible swimmers, right? 183 00:09:08,207 --> 00:09:11,324 Now since we are so closely related, no one understands quite why this is, 184 00:09:11,367 --> 00:09:16,157 but, Andy, what is similar to swimming through treacle? 185 00:09:16,207 --> 00:09:18,277 Nothing is like swimming through treacle. 186 00:09:18,327 --> 00:09:21,922 Once you've done it, you know, you don't want to go back to water. 187 00:09:21,967 --> 00:09:23,844 lt's fantastic. 188 00:09:23,887 --> 00:09:25,878 What do you imagine swimming through treacle would be like? 189 00:09:25,927 --> 00:09:28,566 Difficult. And l say that as a non-swimmer, 190 00:09:28,607 --> 00:09:30,643 but if l was going to learn to swim, 191 00:09:30,687 --> 00:09:34,123 treacle is not what l'd choose to start in. 192 00:09:34,167 --> 00:09:36,442 Especially if you were a chimp and you were all hairy 193 00:09:36,487 --> 00:09:38,239 and you got all clogged up in it. 194 00:09:38,287 --> 00:09:41,245 And although Andy is reasonably hairy, he's not as hairy as a chimp, 195 00:09:41,287 --> 00:09:43,721 - and he's smooth-skinned. - l thought you were going to say me. 196 00:09:43,767 --> 00:09:47,237 You looked at me and went "Not as hairy as, er... a chimp." 197 00:09:48,927 --> 00:09:50,883 Well, what l want you to think of 198 00:09:50,927 --> 00:09:54,602 is it is actually very like swimming in water, in terms of speed. 199 00:09:54,647 --> 00:09:57,798 You're pulling, when you say do that, or that. 200 00:09:57,847 --> 00:09:59,246 And that's hard work. 201 00:09:59,287 --> 00:10:01,357 But, when you kick, 202 00:10:01,407 --> 00:10:04,797 it's against something and you get a real spring from it. 203 00:10:04,847 --> 00:10:07,919 So the result is, it ends up as being about the same as water. 204 00:10:07,967 --> 00:10:09,764 And they tried it, of course they did, 205 00:10:09,807 --> 00:10:13,402 A man called Edward Cussler of the University of Minnesota 206 00:10:13,447 --> 00:10:15,642 actually filled a 25-metre swimming pool with... 207 00:10:15,687 --> 00:10:19,282 well, not with treacle but a gloopy syrup made from guar, 208 00:10:19,327 --> 00:10:22,125 which is a thickening agent used in ice cream and all kinds of other things. 209 00:10:22,167 --> 00:10:23,441 Whichever strokes they used, 210 00:10:23,487 --> 00:10:26,365 the swimmer's times differed by no more than four per cent, 211 00:10:26,407 --> 00:10:29,001 but with neither water nor syrup producing a faster result. 212 00:10:29,047 --> 00:10:33,006 And l bet the bonobos made no progress at all. 213 00:10:33,047 --> 00:10:36,244 - They just saw this tub full of treacle. - (Bill) Wahey! 214 00:10:38,087 --> 00:10:40,521 When he goes under, does the treacle... 215 00:10:40,567 --> 00:10:44,276 go into those holes where his eyes should be? 216 00:10:46,487 --> 00:10:51,197 - ls there a cuttlefish in that pool? - There is not. Glad you're on the lookout. 217 00:10:51,247 --> 00:10:54,125 So from physics to chemistry, Alan. 218 00:10:54,167 --> 00:10:56,556 - What is this, boy? - Stick of chalk. 219 00:10:56,607 --> 00:10:59,838 - (Alarm) - Stick of chalk. Stick of chalk. 220 00:11:01,287 --> 00:11:03,755 - (Alan) lt's chalk. lsn't that chalk? - No, it isn't. 221 00:11:03,807 --> 00:11:06,037 lt's what schoolmasters use to write on blackboards. 222 00:11:06,087 --> 00:11:07,918 (Bill) Well done. 223 00:11:09,167 --> 00:11:11,237 (Stephen) Very impressive. 224 00:11:11,287 --> 00:11:13,323 You did that with upside-down writing. 225 00:11:13,367 --> 00:11:14,561 (Stephen) lt's not chalk. 226 00:11:14,607 --> 00:11:17,326 - (Bill) What is it? - What's it actually made of? 227 00:11:17,367 --> 00:11:19,801 - (Alan) Chalk. - No, it's not made of chalk. 228 00:11:19,847 --> 00:11:22,361 lt's a very, very old worm. 229 00:11:26,167 --> 00:11:27,919 Chalk is calcium carbonate, isn't it? 230 00:11:27,967 --> 00:11:29,764 - That's not calcium carbonate. - What is it, then? 231 00:11:29,807 --> 00:11:31,638 lt's some sort of powdery white substance. 232 00:11:31,687 --> 00:11:35,396 - May we take a closer look at it? - l've got another one for you, if you want. 233 00:11:35,447 --> 00:11:37,836 (Andy) ls it something like gypsum or one of those? 234 00:11:37,887 --> 00:11:39,605 Say that louder, please, Andy. 235 00:11:39,647 --> 00:11:41,365 ls it something like gypsum, sir? 236 00:11:41,407 --> 00:11:44,717 lt is gypsum, Hamilton. Congratulations. 237 00:11:46,887 --> 00:11:48,366 Gypsum. 238 00:11:48,407 --> 00:11:52,366 lt is a chalk, it's the word we use for a thing for writing on a board, 239 00:11:52,407 --> 00:11:54,398 it's called the chalk, but it's not made of chalk. 240 00:11:54,447 --> 00:11:57,166 Chalk is calcium carbonate. Here's a very good drawing of a... 241 00:11:57,207 --> 00:11:59,562 Cuttlefish! 242 00:12:01,127 --> 00:12:04,119 Yes, it is in fact hydrated calcium sulphate, 243 00:12:04,167 --> 00:12:06,681 - which is gypsum. - lt's a very unpopular mineral, 244 00:12:06,727 --> 00:12:08,479 people are always moving it on and saying 245 00:12:08,527 --> 00:12:11,997 "We don't want any gypsum round here," you know. 246 00:12:13,727 --> 00:12:15,957 75 per cent of all gypsum is used in building. 247 00:12:16,007 --> 00:12:18,475 ln fact, apparently, a typical new American home 248 00:12:18,527 --> 00:12:21,439 contains more than seven metric tonnes of gypsum. 249 00:12:21,487 --> 00:12:23,239 - lt's in concrete, cement... - (Bill) Plaster? 250 00:12:23,287 --> 00:12:27,166 Plaster, yes, plastering. Plaster of Paris is gypsum. 251 00:12:27,207 --> 00:12:29,323 Why is it called plaster of Paris? 252 00:12:29,367 --> 00:12:32,245 Marketing. Poncier name. 253 00:12:32,967 --> 00:12:37,006 They tried plaster of Brentford and it didn't really take off. 254 00:12:38,207 --> 00:12:41,085 Lots of gypsum in the ground around Paris. 255 00:12:41,127 --> 00:12:42,845 Yes, chalk is calcium carbonate, 256 00:12:42,887 --> 00:12:47,677 as is limestone, marble, coral, the skeleton of humans and fish. 257 00:12:47,727 --> 00:12:50,924 The lenses of eyes are made of calcium carbonate, which is real chalk. 258 00:12:50,967 --> 00:12:54,403 And indigestion pills, Rennies, Settlers, Tums. 259 00:12:54,447 --> 00:12:56,881 - The lenses of eyes? - Yes, are made of calcium... 260 00:12:56,927 --> 00:12:59,680 - Are made of chalk? - Yeah. 261 00:12:59,727 --> 00:13:01,126 l know it sounds weird. 262 00:13:01,167 --> 00:13:05,399 Sorry to pick you up on that, but l think you made that up. 263 00:13:05,447 --> 00:13:08,484 You see, the interesting thing is that things can look very similar 264 00:13:08,527 --> 00:13:10,438 but be made of different elements. 265 00:13:10,487 --> 00:13:13,126 But things can be made of absolutely identical elements 266 00:13:13,167 --> 00:13:14,919 and be utterly different, for example, 267 00:13:14,967 --> 00:13:16,685 if you take carbon, hydrogen and oxygen, 268 00:13:16,727 --> 00:13:20,845 combined in different proportions you get testosterone, vanilla, 269 00:13:20,887 --> 00:13:24,243 aspirin, glucose, vinegar, alcohol, 270 00:13:24,287 --> 00:13:26,323 - and... - (Drum roll) 271 00:13:27,887 --> 00:13:30,003 Now this is the big one. 272 00:13:30,047 --> 00:13:33,596 - 200 pointeroonies at stake. - (Bill) Er, potato. 273 00:13:33,647 --> 00:13:36,525 For those 200 points, what is that? 274 00:13:36,567 --> 00:13:38,159 That's a cuttlefish. 275 00:13:40,007 --> 00:13:42,202 l know what that is, that's a text message 276 00:13:42,247 --> 00:13:44,363 from someone who's very pissed. 277 00:13:47,087 --> 00:13:51,524 lt's a process, it's a happening, it's a, as it were, a chemical episode. 278 00:13:51,567 --> 00:13:55,037 - ls it some sort of an explosion? - (Stephen) That's brilliant. 279 00:13:55,087 --> 00:13:56,202 She's right! 280 00:13:56,247 --> 00:13:59,796 ls there some sort of food stuff involved in it? 281 00:13:59,847 --> 00:14:01,758 (Stephen) This is brilliant, my God! 282 00:14:01,807 --> 00:14:03,843 - (Applause) - No, no, no, because... 283 00:14:03,887 --> 00:14:07,323 - Did you do this at school? - Yeah, l did domestic science at school 284 00:14:07,367 --> 00:14:09,881 and l know an explosion when l see one, and l think, 285 00:14:09,927 --> 00:14:11,804 and l'm only going on a hunch here, 286 00:14:11,847 --> 00:14:17,285 l think it's an explosion in a... custard, 287 00:14:17,327 --> 00:14:19,158 a sort of a custard explosion. 288 00:14:19,207 --> 00:14:21,357 How the hell did you know that? 289 00:14:21,407 --> 00:14:23,238 l have to give her 200. 290 00:14:23,287 --> 00:14:25,437 There's an old phrase, an explosion in a custard factory. 291 00:14:25,487 --> 00:14:27,637 That is what happens when custard explodes. 292 00:14:27,687 --> 00:14:29,803 There was an explosion in Norwich in fact, 293 00:14:29,847 --> 00:14:32,964 my old manor, on the 21st of July last year. 294 00:14:33,007 --> 00:14:36,556 lt's the oxidisation of glucose is what happens 295 00:14:36,607 --> 00:14:39,167 and it can be pretty nasty. 296 00:14:39,207 --> 00:14:41,675 What custard facts can l offer you? 297 00:14:41,727 --> 00:14:44,321 There was a food survey conducted in the year 2000 298 00:14:44,367 --> 00:14:47,086 and it was discovered that 99 per cent 299 00:14:47,127 --> 00:14:51,484 of all British people recognised the brand, Bird's custard. 300 00:14:51,527 --> 00:14:53,916 Bird invented it, Sir Alfred Bird, 301 00:14:53,967 --> 00:14:58,040 an eggless custard powder, because his wife was allergic to eggs. 302 00:14:58,087 --> 00:14:59,486 lt was a kindness to his wife. 303 00:14:59,527 --> 00:15:01,006 He also gave the world baking powder, 304 00:15:01,047 --> 00:15:04,517 in order to keep our boys in the Crimea in good bread. 305 00:15:04,567 --> 00:15:07,161 A remarkable man. What do the French call custard? 306 00:15:07,207 --> 00:15:08,879 "Coutard". 307 00:15:10,207 --> 00:15:12,675 Good guess, but no, no. They don't really have a word for custard, 308 00:15:12,727 --> 00:15:14,797 they don't believe it exists. 309 00:15:16,247 --> 00:15:20,126 l mean, that's to say, they just don't... 310 00:15:20,167 --> 00:15:23,239 Take some over and pour it on them. 311 00:15:23,287 --> 00:15:27,485 What we call custard they call crème anglaise, but they don't recognise... 312 00:15:27,527 --> 00:15:30,166 But what we call confectioner's custard they just call crème. 313 00:15:30,207 --> 00:15:34,519 l was in a restaurant the other day and it said "apple pie with crème anglaise". 314 00:15:34,567 --> 00:15:39,800 - (Stephen) Yes, that's custard. Pathetic. - And l thought... 315 00:15:39,847 --> 00:15:42,042 What would they say if you go "l want custard on it"? 316 00:15:42,087 --> 00:15:45,397 (French accent) "l'm afraid, sir, it does not exist." 317 00:15:45,447 --> 00:15:47,324 (Stephen) Ca n'existe point. 318 00:15:47,367 --> 00:15:49,676 "You have placed me into an existential quandary." 319 00:15:52,007 --> 00:15:54,805 "l'm afraid l'll have to leave the restaurant. 320 00:15:54,847 --> 00:15:57,520 "You, sir, you are barred for life. 321 00:15:57,567 --> 00:16:00,400 - "l'll stab you with this chalk." - Why would they do that in London? 322 00:16:00,447 --> 00:16:01,960 Ponciness. Sheer pretension. 323 00:16:02,007 --> 00:16:05,886 - They don't want custard on the menu. - Exactly, they think it's in for a dig. 324 00:16:05,927 --> 00:16:10,921 l bet they make proper real custard instead of nice custard out of a packet. 325 00:16:10,967 --> 00:16:13,003 That's right. l must say, l prefer the real thing. 326 00:16:13,047 --> 00:16:17,325 Do you know what l love about custard? Viscosity, l love the viscosity, 327 00:16:17,367 --> 00:16:18,800 because when you put the spoon through, 328 00:16:18,847 --> 00:16:22,601 you have exactly the amount of push with the spoon... 329 00:16:22,647 --> 00:16:27,562 You use the same amount of energy as if you were pouring water onto your pie. 330 00:16:27,607 --> 00:16:31,282 Except in France, where you just do that over an invisible bowl. 331 00:16:31,327 --> 00:16:34,603 Did you know that if you have muesli, you can have it with water, 332 00:16:34,647 --> 00:16:36,046 tastes the same as it does with milk. 333 00:16:36,087 --> 00:16:39,124 - (Bill) Exactly. - Except less milky and eurgh. 334 00:16:39,167 --> 00:16:42,125 lt's a lot better with Lambrusco, l have to say. 335 00:16:43,447 --> 00:16:47,725 Anyway, from a very difficult and remarkably well answered custard question, 336 00:16:47,767 --> 00:16:49,917 to canines. Apart from the obvious, what's unusual 337 00:16:49,967 --> 00:16:52,720 about the New Guinea singing dog? 338 00:16:52,767 --> 00:16:54,120 Did you say "apart from the obvious"? 339 00:16:54,167 --> 00:16:57,603 Well, the obvious being that it's a singing dog, yes. 340 00:16:57,647 --> 00:17:00,445 lt's the only singing dog never to have been 341 00:17:00,487 --> 00:17:02,637 on Esther Rantzen. 342 00:17:02,767 --> 00:17:06,806 lt's a tiny little dog in a huge bath of potpourri. 343 00:17:09,407 --> 00:17:11,682 lt sings so high that no one can hear. 344 00:17:11,727 --> 00:17:15,322 You can actually hear him sing if you want to, l think we've got him singing. 345 00:17:15,367 --> 00:17:21,636 (Dog howling descending notes) 346 00:17:23,247 --> 00:17:26,717 (Andy) That's like Gracie Fields falling off a cliff, isn't it? 347 00:17:29,047 --> 00:17:33,438 Rather pretty little dog. lt's a mixture supposedly between a fox and a dingo. 348 00:17:33,487 --> 00:17:35,478 But it has no feet. 349 00:17:37,247 --> 00:17:40,922 lt actually never moves, it's stuck in the ground. 350 00:17:40,967 --> 00:17:43,276 Ah, now that's where you're wrong, young Davies. 351 00:17:43,327 --> 00:17:46,797 - lt's the only dog that climbs trees. - Yes, is the right answer! 352 00:17:46,847 --> 00:17:49,202 - (Bill) Well done. - Absolutely brilliant. 353 00:17:49,247 --> 00:17:51,203 Well done. 354 00:17:51,247 --> 00:17:53,681 Absolutely spot on. 355 00:17:53,727 --> 00:17:57,800 Like tigers, the New Guinea singing dog is also extremely rare in the wild, 356 00:17:57,847 --> 00:18:01,396 and is best known from the 150 examples living in the US. 357 00:18:01,447 --> 00:18:03,642 There are more of those in the US than in its natural habit. 358 00:18:03,687 --> 00:18:07,157 Again, dogs, like chickens have an amazing? 359 00:18:07,207 --> 00:18:08,879 How many chromosomes have you got as a chicken, 360 00:18:08,927 --> 00:18:10,360 - do you remember? - (Alan) 78. 361 00:18:10,407 --> 00:18:11,840 (Stephen) 78, well done. 362 00:18:11,887 --> 00:18:15,197 God, you really are absolutely on fire, young Davies. 363 00:18:15,247 --> 00:18:18,762 Now, what is this and what is it pretending to be? 364 00:18:18,807 --> 00:18:20,240 Cuttlefish! 365 00:18:20,287 --> 00:18:23,199 - (Alarm) - Oh, no! 366 00:18:26,607 --> 00:18:28,802 (Stephen) No, no. 367 00:18:30,487 --> 00:18:33,843 lt's an octopus pretending to be something else. l've seen them scuba diving. 368 00:18:33,887 --> 00:18:35,798 You're right, it is an octopus pretending to be something else. 369 00:18:35,847 --> 00:18:36,836 Do you know what it's pretending to be, 370 00:18:36,887 --> 00:18:39,924 according to the latest theories by cephalopod people? 371 00:18:39,967 --> 00:18:42,276 lt looks a bit like a crab. lt's even more weird actually. 372 00:18:42,327 --> 00:18:45,205 (Andy) Coconuts. (Alan) Carrier bags. 373 00:18:46,327 --> 00:18:47,840 - Didn't you say coconuts? - l did. 374 00:18:47,887 --> 00:18:52,005 You're right, that's what they're trying to be - coconuts, apparently. 375 00:18:56,447 --> 00:18:59,007 The octopus, you wouldn't see one if you didn't dive very often. 376 00:18:59,047 --> 00:19:01,356 l dive on holiday once a year, 377 00:19:01,407 --> 00:19:04,558 but the dive leader sort of went over to this wall of rocks, 378 00:19:04,607 --> 00:19:09,397 and he went a bit like that... (Breathing noises) 379 00:19:09,447 --> 00:19:11,756 - "Use the force." - And he went like... 380 00:19:12,767 --> 00:19:17,841 He went to the dark side. And he kind of prodded this rock 381 00:19:17,887 --> 00:19:19,639 and it suddenly went... 382 00:19:24,367 --> 00:19:26,756 - What's the plural of octopus? - Octopi. 383 00:19:26,807 --> 00:19:29,480 - Oh, no, it isn't, no. - Octopuses. 384 00:19:29,527 --> 00:19:31,563 Octopuses is really accepted almost everywhere. 385 00:19:31,607 --> 00:19:35,156 lf it were to be anything, it would be octopodes, if it was Greek. 386 00:19:35,207 --> 00:19:38,961 An octopus the size of a volleyball can fit into a soft-drink can. 387 00:19:39,527 --> 00:19:41,677 Er, bluff. 388 00:19:44,127 --> 00:19:46,687 (Stephen) Octopuses, of course, have eight arms. 389 00:19:46,727 --> 00:19:50,083 Now, after a lifetime working with radioactivity, 390 00:19:50,127 --> 00:19:53,164 what did Marie Curie have two of? 391 00:19:53,207 --> 00:19:55,482 (Alan) Lesbians. 392 00:19:55,527 --> 00:19:57,802 She had two lesbians? 393 00:19:59,487 --> 00:20:02,445 She left them in her will to someone, did she? 394 00:20:02,487 --> 00:20:07,117 "And l leave my collection of Sèvres porcelain to my son Arnold 395 00:20:07,167 --> 00:20:09,522 "and my two lesbians to my..." 396 00:20:09,567 --> 00:20:11,523 Annabelle and Michelle. 397 00:20:11,567 --> 00:20:15,003 She was the first person on earth to have two of these. 398 00:20:15,047 --> 00:20:16,400 Abortions. 399 00:20:16,447 --> 00:20:19,245 First person on earth to have two abortions? When she was in? 400 00:20:19,287 --> 00:20:22,677 Sorry, it's the first thing that comes into my head whenever l hear Marie Curie. 401 00:20:22,727 --> 00:20:23,876 Why? 402 00:20:23,927 --> 00:20:26,999 Oh, no, l'm thinking of Marie Stopes. 403 00:20:29,447 --> 00:20:34,680 So, shall we first sort out for Alan who Marie Curie was? 404 00:20:34,727 --> 00:20:37,161 - Who was Marie Curie? - (Alan) She's a scientist. 405 00:20:37,207 --> 00:20:39,357 She was a scientist, she invented, or discovered rather? 406 00:20:39,407 --> 00:20:40,965 (Andy) Radium. 407 00:20:41,007 --> 00:20:44,238 With her husband Pierre, radium and polonium. She won? 408 00:20:44,287 --> 00:20:45,481 - Nobel Prize. - The Nobel Prize. 409 00:20:45,527 --> 00:20:50,237 She won one Nobel Prize? She won two Nobel Prizes. 410 00:20:50,287 --> 00:20:52,755 (Alan) One in chemistry and the other one was in something else. 411 00:20:52,807 --> 00:20:54,763 One was physics, one was chemistry. 412 00:20:54,807 --> 00:20:57,560 She shared one with her husband Pierre. 413 00:20:57,607 --> 00:21:01,202 Oh, l bet that caused a lot of rows. 414 00:21:01,247 --> 00:21:04,557 But the really sad thing, what do we know about radium? 415 00:21:04,607 --> 00:21:07,326 - lt's not good for you. - Yes, but she didn't know that. 416 00:21:07,367 --> 00:21:10,279 She discovered it, but she carried lumps of it around with her. 417 00:21:10,327 --> 00:21:13,797 The notebooks that she had, which are in a French scientific museum, 418 00:21:13,847 --> 00:21:16,645 - are still radioactive. - Do they glow like that bit of stuff 419 00:21:16,687 --> 00:21:20,236 - that falls out of Homer's pocket? - Yeah, absolutely. 420 00:21:20,287 --> 00:21:22,243 Radium was exactly that, it's luminous. 421 00:21:22,287 --> 00:21:24,357 lt was used for making luminous watches. 422 00:21:24,407 --> 00:21:28,195 Radium Dial Company was a huge scandal in the 20th century. 423 00:21:28,247 --> 00:21:30,522 The five workers who worked at the Radium Dial Company, 424 00:21:30,567 --> 00:21:32,762 they used paintbrushes, and they used to... 425 00:21:32,807 --> 00:21:36,800 do that to bring them to a point to paint luminous radium onto the dial. 426 00:21:36,847 --> 00:21:38,803 And they used to paint their teeth 427 00:21:38,847 --> 00:21:42,044 to amuse their boyfriends to make them go like that. 428 00:21:42,087 --> 00:21:44,885 They all died from lesions and bone degeneration, 429 00:21:44,927 --> 00:21:47,600 general ill health. There was a rage for radium. 430 00:21:47,647 --> 00:21:51,560 There was radium toothpaste, radium hair tonic, 431 00:21:51,607 --> 00:21:54,963 - radium sweets, radium condoms. - Just because it glowed? 432 00:21:55,007 --> 00:21:57,567 Because it glowed and because it was a magical new property 433 00:21:57,607 --> 00:21:59,040 that it gave off this energy. 434 00:21:59,087 --> 00:22:01,806 And people thought, "Wow, it must be good for arthritis, 435 00:22:01,847 --> 00:22:03,439 "it must be good for sexual energy." 436 00:22:03,487 --> 00:22:05,682 They made a Radioendocrinator, 437 00:22:05,727 --> 00:22:07,877 which was worn in a jockstrap under the scrotum. 438 00:22:07,927 --> 00:22:12,205 There were radioactive suppositories, bath salts, cigarette holders, bread. 439 00:22:12,247 --> 00:22:13,919 Eben Byers was the other case, 440 00:22:13,967 --> 00:22:16,003 he was a millionaire steel tycoon. 441 00:22:16,047 --> 00:22:18,607 His doctor suggested he'd get more pep if he had it, 442 00:22:18,647 --> 00:22:21,559 so he had 1400 bottles of it in two years. 443 00:22:21,607 --> 00:22:24,121 The Wall Street Journal had a marvellous headline - 444 00:22:24,167 --> 00:22:28,683 "The Radium Water Worked Fine Until His Jaw Came Off." 445 00:22:28,727 --> 00:22:30,843 So dangerous bloody stuff. 446 00:22:30,887 --> 00:22:33,720 And Marie Curie herself died of leukaemia, 447 00:22:33,767 --> 00:22:36,679 her daughter, who was the second woman ever to win a Nobel Prize, 448 00:22:36,727 --> 00:22:37,796 died of leukaemia. 449 00:22:37,847 --> 00:22:41,237 Husband Pierre was killed by a runaway horse. 450 00:22:42,647 --> 00:22:45,878 Before l go to General lgnorance, l should say that the time has passed 451 00:22:45,927 --> 00:22:48,600 for you to point out part of a cuttlefish. 452 00:22:48,647 --> 00:22:50,638 You've missed it, you have missed it. 453 00:22:50,687 --> 00:22:53,406 (Andy) lt was in Marie Curie's hair. 454 00:22:53,447 --> 00:22:55,756 Well, you're right. What a shame it was too late. 455 00:22:55,807 --> 00:22:57,638 - You're joking. - ln Marie Curie... 456 00:23:03,887 --> 00:23:07,516 What is the ltalian for a cuttlefish? Do you know, by any chance? 457 00:23:07,567 --> 00:23:10,479 (Alan) Cuttlefishio. (Bill) Pesce... culla. 458 00:23:10,527 --> 00:23:11,880 (Stephen) Sepia. 459 00:23:11,927 --> 00:23:14,919 She's got a radioactive glow round her head. 460 00:23:14,967 --> 00:23:18,562 lt's sepia, that's it, the ink of a cuttlefish is sepia 461 00:23:18,607 --> 00:23:23,635 and is used in tinting photographs such as this one of Marie Curie. 462 00:23:23,687 --> 00:23:26,520 Anyway, from Marie Curie, 463 00:23:26,567 --> 00:23:30,276 we leap into the pond of General lgnorance and, Helen, l'm going to start with you. 464 00:23:30,327 --> 00:23:32,557 Mrs Miggins, a character you made glorious, 465 00:23:32,607 --> 00:23:35,804 she had, as l have good cause to remember, a pie shop. 466 00:23:35,847 --> 00:23:37,997 And so this should be a question for you. 467 00:23:38,047 --> 00:23:41,164 Who invented the pie chart? 468 00:23:41,207 --> 00:23:42,879 Mrs Beeton. 469 00:23:42,927 --> 00:23:45,839 - No, no, it wasn't Mrs Beeton. - Pythagoras. 470 00:23:45,887 --> 00:23:47,639 No, no, it was a lady female. 471 00:23:47,687 --> 00:23:50,155 The Queen invented the pie chart. 472 00:23:50,207 --> 00:23:53,404 She's the top lady, it must have been her. 473 00:23:53,447 --> 00:23:54,926 lt was a very brilliant woman, 474 00:23:54,967 --> 00:23:57,276 who was the first woman ever to bear the name. 475 00:23:57,327 --> 00:24:00,842 Her sister was called Parthenope, if that's any help. 476 00:24:00,887 --> 00:24:02,878 Parthenope, which is the Greek for Naples. 477 00:24:02,927 --> 00:24:05,202 So she might have been called Rome or... 478 00:24:05,247 --> 00:24:08,319 - Florence. - Florence Nightingale. 479 00:24:08,367 --> 00:24:10,358 (Andy) But she was busy dealing with... 480 00:24:10,407 --> 00:24:12,557 - Cuttlefish! - Yes, you've spotted it. 481 00:24:12,607 --> 00:24:14,723 - (Fanfare) - Cuttlefish. 482 00:24:14,767 --> 00:24:16,917 (Alan cheers) 483 00:24:17,927 --> 00:24:19,918 Well done. 484 00:24:19,967 --> 00:24:21,639 You do deserve it. 485 00:24:21,687 --> 00:24:24,076 No, Florence Nightingale was a very, very brilliant woman, 486 00:24:24,127 --> 00:24:27,039 she was brought up by rather eccentric parents, rather hothoused, 487 00:24:27,087 --> 00:24:28,486 but she was a brilliant mathematician. 488 00:24:28,527 --> 00:24:31,724 She was a founder member of the Royal Statistical Society, 489 00:24:31,767 --> 00:24:33,962 and when she was trying to persuade the politicians 490 00:24:34,007 --> 00:24:36,043 and generals of the Crimean 491 00:24:36,087 --> 00:24:39,443 about various statistics to do with the health of the soldiers in the Crimea, 492 00:24:39,487 --> 00:24:42,763 she used this way of demonstrating it, by getting a circle 493 00:24:42,807 --> 00:24:44,160 and showing percentages. 494 00:24:44,207 --> 00:24:45,879 And it's a brilliant, brilliant model. 495 00:24:45,927 --> 00:24:48,885 Anyway, there we are, Florence Nightingale, inventor of the pie chart. 496 00:24:48,927 --> 00:24:51,122 And here's one for everyone. Where do most tigers live? 497 00:24:51,167 --> 00:24:52,236 (Alan) Asia. 498 00:24:52,287 --> 00:24:54,198 (Alarm) 499 00:24:54,247 --> 00:24:55,680 l think you got in there first, didn't you? 500 00:24:55,727 --> 00:24:58,036 - No, not true. - (Alan) Not true? 501 00:24:58,087 --> 00:25:00,840 - (Alan and Andy) Zoos. - (Alarm) 502 00:25:00,887 --> 00:25:03,845 We said it at the same time, so he can have a couple points off. 503 00:25:03,887 --> 00:25:05,878 (Stephen) No, not zoos neither. (Helen) Las Vegas. 504 00:25:05,927 --> 00:25:08,395 Well, America, certainly in America, private hands. 505 00:25:08,447 --> 00:25:11,359 - Most big cats are in private hands. - l had to do a photo shoot once 506 00:25:11,407 --> 00:25:15,241 with a tiger, and these two blokes turned up with a big, enormous chain 507 00:25:15,287 --> 00:25:17,278 and a tiger on the end of it, 508 00:25:17,327 --> 00:25:22,037 and they said, "Shouldn't really handle them after the age of ten months." 509 00:25:22,087 --> 00:25:25,523 So l said, "How old's that one?" He said, "Eleven months." 510 00:25:25,567 --> 00:25:27,637 There was a wonderful animal handler woman, you know, 511 00:25:27,687 --> 00:25:30,326 very gruff sort of woman, we were doing a scene once, 512 00:25:30,367 --> 00:25:33,439 and this dog was just shagging everything, you know. 513 00:25:33,487 --> 00:25:37,275 And this woman, a very odd mixture of severe and unbelievably twee, 514 00:25:37,327 --> 00:25:40,285 she said, "Any more of that behaviour," she said to the dog, 515 00:25:40,327 --> 00:25:43,603 "you'll have a short, sharp visit from the smack fairy." 516 00:25:46,727 --> 00:25:49,685 - That's a dealer. - lt sounds like a drug dealer, exactly. 517 00:25:51,887 --> 00:25:54,162 (Stephen) But, no... (Andy) l think... 518 00:25:54,847 --> 00:25:57,486 - Extraordinary. - Smack fairy. 519 00:25:57,527 --> 00:26:00,439 The answer to our tiger question is the United States, especially Texas. 520 00:26:00,487 --> 00:26:04,480 According to the National Geographic, there are more tigers kept as pets in the USA 521 00:26:04,527 --> 00:26:07,758 than there are remaining in their wild habitats in Asia. 522 00:26:07,807 --> 00:26:10,116 As many as 500 lions, tigers and other big cats 523 00:26:10,167 --> 00:26:12,601 in the Houston area alone. 524 00:26:12,647 --> 00:26:14,797 Now, lastly, will you identify the following - 525 00:26:14,847 --> 00:26:16,519 Silly, Billy, Chilly, Pussy, 526 00:26:16,567 --> 00:26:20,196 Pissy, Corny, Punchy, Misery, Messy and Prat. 527 00:26:21,167 --> 00:26:24,398 - Shall we throw it open to the audience? - (Stephen) Anyone in the audience know? 528 00:26:24,447 --> 00:26:27,837 - (Man) Dwarfs? - Dwarfs? Dwarfs? 529 00:26:27,887 --> 00:26:32,085 - (Alarm) - Oh dear, 25 points away. 530 00:26:32,127 --> 00:26:34,880 (Applause) 531 00:26:34,927 --> 00:26:37,202 Oh dear, oh dear. Audience light. 532 00:26:37,247 --> 00:26:41,081 That's never happened, we've never had an audience forfeit. 533 00:26:41,127 --> 00:26:43,038 He might come last now. 534 00:26:43,087 --> 00:26:45,920 (Stephen) He might, if you're lucky. They are in fact French place names, 535 00:26:45,967 --> 00:26:47,525 they're all places in France. 536 00:26:47,567 --> 00:26:50,718 They should be called... (French accent) "See-yee" and "Bee-yee" and "Pyu-see", 537 00:26:50,767 --> 00:26:52,405 but that's how they're spelt. 538 00:26:52,447 --> 00:26:54,563 There are in fact, ooh, six places called Silly, 539 00:26:54,607 --> 00:26:56,677 13 called Billy and one called Prat. 540 00:26:56,727 --> 00:26:58,843 There are also six places called Chilly, 541 00:26:58,887 --> 00:27:03,517 two called Pissy and one each of Corny, Punchy, Misery, et cetera. 542 00:27:03,567 --> 00:27:05,125 Other French names include Ham, 543 00:27:05,167 --> 00:27:10,639 Clam, Condom, Bus, Eccles and Nancy. 544 00:27:12,367 --> 00:27:14,483 l once spent some time, 545 00:27:14,527 --> 00:27:17,758 l actually did this, l went to a town in France called "Bitch!" 546 00:27:19,887 --> 00:27:21,923 Spelt B-l-T-C-H-E. 547 00:27:21,967 --> 00:27:24,003 - "Bitche." - (Stephen) "You bitche." 548 00:27:24,047 --> 00:27:25,605 "We are leaving Bitche." 549 00:27:25,647 --> 00:27:28,844 Well, my bitches, it is time to look at the score. 550 00:27:28,887 --> 00:27:32,197 ln last place, l'm sorry to say, with minus 20, is Bill Bailey. 551 00:27:32,247 --> 00:27:33,919 However... 552 00:27:35,127 --> 00:27:39,803 in third place, 15 points, Alan Davies. 553 00:27:42,007 --> 00:27:44,885 ln second place with 22 points, Andy Hamilton. 554 00:27:45,527 --> 00:27:47,040 And... 555 00:27:47,087 --> 00:27:49,920 slightly in the lead with 200 points, 556 00:27:49,967 --> 00:27:52,686 Helen Atkinson Wood. Wow. 557 00:27:58,207 --> 00:28:01,643 My goodness me. That's just about it from Ql this week. 558 00:28:01,687 --> 00:28:03,723 My thanks go to Helen, Andy, Bill and Alan, 559 00:28:03,767 --> 00:28:06,406 and one of the little understood differences between men and women of course 560 00:28:06,447 --> 00:28:08,039 is that women live longer. 561 00:28:08,087 --> 00:28:11,796 The world's oldest recorded human being was Jeanne Calment 562 00:28:11,847 --> 00:28:16,716 of Arles in France, who died recently aged 125 years old. 563 00:28:16,767 --> 00:28:19,725 On her 121st birthday, she was asked 564 00:28:19,767 --> 00:28:21,917 what the secret of her longevity was. 565 00:28:21,967 --> 00:28:25,437 She attributed it to olive oil. She ate it nearly every meal, 566 00:28:25,487 --> 00:28:27,239 as well as rubbing it into her skin. 567 00:28:27,287 --> 00:28:29,596 "l only have one wrinkle," she said, 568 00:28:29,647 --> 00:28:32,207 "and l'm sitting on it." 569 00:28:32,247 --> 00:28:34,078 Good night. 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net