1 00:00:30,560 --> 00:00:32,530 Well! Ha ha! 2 00:00:34,520 --> 00:00:36,010 Good evening! 3 00:00:37,860 --> 00:00:39,670 Good evening, good evening, good evening, good evening, good evening, and welcome. 4 00:00:39,675 --> 00:00:42,720 Welcome to QI for another wild leap into the dark. 5 00:00:42,725 --> 00:00:47,400 And teetering on the precipice tonight are the daring Sean Lock... 6 00:00:47,650 --> 00:00:48,720 Thank you. 7 00:00:51,730 --> 00:00:53,740 ...the devil-may-care Jimmy Carr... 8 00:00:56,440 --> 00:00:59,230 the dauntless Jo Brand... 9 00:01:02,970 --> 00:01:08,650 and he-doesn't-even-know-the-meaning-of-the-word-"dastardly", Alan D-d-d-d-davies! 10 00:01:13,560 --> 00:01:17,060 It's "D, D, D" all the way, and tonight it's "D" for "danger". 11 00:01:17,550 --> 00:01:21,180 Danger in the face, with alarm calls to match. 12 00:01:21,290 --> 00:01:23,410 So, Sean, let's hear your alarm call. 13 00:01:25,920 --> 00:01:27,130 And Jimmy goes... 14 00:01:31,140 --> 00:01:32,020 And Jo... 15 00:01:33,030 --> 00:01:34,800 "Vehicle reversing!" 16 00:01:37,610 --> 00:01:39,810 Very nice, too. And Alan: 17 00:01:43,970 --> 00:01:46,820 - You don't get more dangerous than a mozzy. - Mosquito, yeah. - Yeah. 18 00:01:47,330 --> 00:01:50,430 Anyway, in the next twenty-four hours... 19 00:01:50,720 --> 00:01:53,650 talking of danger... there is a one-in-48-million 20 00:01:53,730 --> 00:02:00,380 risk of being burned to death while you sleep. There is a one-in-30-million risk... - But that would wake you up, wouldn't it? - It would. 21 00:02:00,820 --> 00:02:04,810 How heavy a sleeper would you have to be... to be burned alive? 22 00:02:05,120 --> 00:02:07,080 You could be quite pissed, couldn't you? 23 00:02:07,860 --> 00:02:10,490 - I knew someone... - I actually burned my flat down when I was pissed. 24 00:02:12,310 --> 00:02:14,470 You didn't put that on the insurance form, did you? 25 00:02:14,940 --> 00:02:16,300 "I was pissed; that's how it happened." 26 00:02:16,500 --> 00:02:19,090 You know what it's like, you just go, "Oh, fuck it; sort it out in the morning." 27 00:02:20,090 --> 00:02:21,970 Are you exaggerating? Was it cystitis? 28 00:02:24,430 --> 00:02:29,730 - Hey, you've got rather ladies' area quite early on in the show. - Thank you very much. 29 00:02:33,930 --> 00:02:38,660 Dear me! Right, one in 30 million people risk dying by being murdered. 30 00:02:39,010 --> 00:02:42,090 The risk of choking to death is one-in-120-million, 31 00:02:42,110 --> 00:02:45,530 and the risk of dying by tea cosy is one-in-20-billion. 32 00:02:47,130 --> 00:02:53,210 There is, however, a one-in-257,000 chance of you dying today, 33 00:02:53,890 --> 00:02:54,890 during this programme. 34 00:02:56,350 --> 00:02:57,760 What have you got planned for round two? 35 00:03:00,330 --> 00:03:02,620 - It's... - Is there a tiger involved, is there? 36 00:03:02,930 --> 00:03:08,220 If there happened to be 257,000 people playing QI at the moment, one of them would die. 37 00:03:08,640 --> 00:03:11,370 But it may be us; we don't know. - Not because of the game though. 38 00:03:11,380 --> 00:03:16,230 - No, I'm just saying you have a one-in-257,000 chance. - Is it electrocution by the buzzer? 39 00:03:21,950 --> 00:03:24,440 What are the chances of you dying 40 00:03:24,450 --> 00:03:28,570 in your sleep, from a fire, with a tea cosy over your head? 41 00:03:29,920 --> 00:03:33,010 You're fifty times more likely to die now than you are to win the lottery. 42 00:03:33,730 --> 00:03:36,530 I think we have a nurse standing by, frankly. Well, we have. 43 00:03:36,790 --> 00:03:39,000 - I'm not a proper nurse. - How not proper? 44 00:03:39,160 --> 00:03:41,240 - Psychiatric. - She's a stripper! 45 00:03:43,450 --> 00:03:46,090 Do you think strippers go home at the end of the day and go, "Oh, more work"? 46 00:03:49,140 --> 00:03:50,940 Well, I think it's time for our first question. 47 00:03:51,370 --> 00:03:53,590 What is three times more dangerous than war? 48 00:03:56,110 --> 00:03:57,450 - Jimmy Carr. - Three wars. 49 00:04:05,400 --> 00:04:10,380 "Vehicle reversing!" Is it doing a U-ey on the A40? 50 00:04:11,390 --> 00:04:13,000 This is according to the United Nations. 51 00:04:13,290 --> 00:04:16,540 Is it... It's probably something really inane, like cycling. Trampolining. 52 00:04:16,550 --> 00:04:19,760 It's work. You're more likely to die at work than you are at war. 53 00:04:19,920 --> 00:04:21,290 Does that include soldiers? 54 00:04:23,630 --> 00:04:25,720 What if you work in a shoe shop near a war? 55 00:04:28,040 --> 00:04:31,800 You always guarantee you will find some cunning way to make me not know anything. 56 00:04:31,810 --> 00:04:34,580 And I don't know what the statistics are 57 00:04:34,640 --> 00:04:37,800 for people who work in shoe shops near wars. It's... 58 00:04:37,960 --> 00:04:40,820 How many times have they actually had a war in a shopping centre? 59 00:04:42,790 --> 00:04:47,030 It's very rare that First World countries get in—invaded, but if they did, you could have 60 00:04:47,080 --> 00:04:49,210 a shoot-out in a multiplex, couldn't you? 61 00:04:49,710 --> 00:04:52,820 - Be a wonderful sight. - Wagamamas. - If you lived in South London, you'd... 62 00:04:52,830 --> 00:04:55,030 you'd find a lot of wars in shopping centres. 63 00:04:55,300 --> 00:04:56,880 I've been arrested in a shopping centre. 64 00:04:57,030 --> 00:04:58,680 - Have you? Tell us why. - For an act of war? 65 00:04:58,700 --> 00:05:00,420 I knocked a security guard's hat off. 66 00:05:02,120 --> 00:05:04,690 - Recently? - Ooh, a very Bertie Wooster thing to do. 67 00:05:05,540 --> 00:05:07,250 Yeah. I didn't even do it on purpose; I was taking my jumper off. 68 00:05:09,020 --> 00:05:11,170 I was absolutely arseholed as well. 69 00:05:13,250 --> 00:05:15,460 And you're very much hearing my side of the story. 70 00:05:17,010 --> 00:05:18,970 I called it, actually, rather than a story, a "defence". 71 00:05:20,160 --> 00:05:25,400 - Right. - I read a thing once that said a third of all accidents at work go unreported. 72 00:05:26,420 --> 00:05:27,220 How do they know? 73 00:05:29,530 --> 00:05:32,440 Lumberjacks have the most dangerous job in America, it appears. 74 00:05:32,750 --> 00:05:35,430 A hundred and twenty two deaths per hundred thousand employees. 75 00:05:35,440 --> 00:05:37,000 So that song's entirely wrong, is it? 76 00:05:37,140 --> 00:05:39,410 Yes! Exactly. 77 00:05:39,820 --> 00:05:43,400 How could you die doing that? Just... Trees falling on you; would that... would that be it? 78 00:05:43,410 --> 00:05:46,600 You're saying "trees falling on you" like that's a bit of a pansy way to go. That's a... 79 00:05:47,750 --> 00:05:49,600 That's a legitimate way to die. 80 00:05:49,610 --> 00:05:51,820 It's just the only real sort of peril, isn't it? 81 00:05:51,830 --> 00:05:53,040 - Yeah. - There's a lot of chain saws. 82 00:05:53,130 --> 00:05:56,670 But also, you're not very well protected in panties and a bra, are you? 83 00:05:58,620 --> 00:06:00,360 And also, if you're a lumberjack, you're supposed to be good at it. 84 00:06:01,240 --> 00:06:05,640 - Yeah. - You're not supposed to chop down trees and go, "Oh, it's the other side, isn't it?" 85 00:06:06,680 --> 00:06:08,950 - "Oh, no!" - The single most 86 00:06:08,960 --> 00:06:11,830 dangerous specific job is said to be an Alaskan crab fisherman. 87 00:06:12,060 --> 00:06:13,820 Is this the most dangerous jobs in America? 88 00:06:14,110 --> 00:06:16,420 'Cause how many presidents have they had? They've had a lot of those go. 89 00:06:16,500 --> 00:06:17,850 But only three have been assassinated. 90 00:06:18,460 --> 00:06:21,670 Three have been assassinated and one had a blowjob in the office, so it... 91 00:06:22,270 --> 00:06:24,280 it can go either way, can't it? 92 00:06:24,580 --> 00:06:27,350 - Yes, it's swings and roundabouts. - Not a job you turn down straight away. 93 00:06:30,400 --> 00:06:34,050 Oh, dear. Well, now. Yes, according to the United Nations, 94 00:06:34,060 --> 00:06:36,950 more than two million people die from work-related accidents, 95 00:06:36,970 --> 00:06:41,010 as opposed to 650,000 people a year who die in wars. 96 00:06:41,070 --> 00:06:45,860 Now, what was the most dangerous military stratagem ever devised? 97 00:06:47,990 --> 00:06:51,590 Was it Hannibal's first crack at the Alps with chihuahuas? 98 00:06:53,680 --> 00:06:56,350 The purpose of this one was to terrify the enemy. 99 00:06:56,810 --> 00:07:00,990 Imagine you're in the front line of an arm, and you're amassing against the front line of another army, and 100 00:07:01,370 --> 00:07:04,730 the front line of the opposing army does something so extraordinary that you think, 101 00:07:04,760 --> 00:07:06,560 "Oh, my God, we're never gonna to beat them." 102 00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:09,160 Is it from a Carry On film? Is it when they lifted their... 103 00:07:09,910 --> 00:07:13,610 when they lifted their kilts and they didn't wear pants? It was amazing. 104 00:07:13,640 --> 00:07:16,260 Carry On Braveheart. No, it's neither of those. 105 00:07:16,610 --> 00:07:19,500 They flagellate themselves. They insert something within their persons. 106 00:07:19,510 --> 00:07:23,210 - They chop their own heads off. - They chop their own heads off? - Their own heads off? 107 00:07:23,250 --> 00:07:25,630 The front line of the army chops their heads off. How... how you do that... 108 00:07:25,630 --> 00:07:28,360 Grab your hair and just slice with a very sharp sword. 109 00:07:28,430 --> 00:07:30,420 Who was that, then? The Scots Guards? 110 00:07:30,430 --> 00:07:33,270 This was... This was in 496 BC. 111 00:07:33,280 --> 00:07:36,850 It would be the Swiss army, because they'd have something on one of those little knives, wouldn't they? 112 00:07:38,400 --> 00:07:40,220 Self-decapitation! 113 00:07:43,100 --> 00:07:45,810 It's a country you know well, and you're wearing its flag at the moment. 114 00:07:45,810 --> 00:07:46,780 This is the flag of Vietnam. 115 00:07:46,780 --> 00:07:51,350 Well, that's right. We're talking 496 BC, the army of King Goujian of Yueh. 116 00:07:51,570 --> 00:07:56,410 And he had convicted criminals in the front line and told them they had to cut their own heads off. 117 00:07:56,520 --> 00:07:59,110 - You may say, "Well, why would they do that?" - What's the worst that could happen? 118 00:07:59,640 --> 00:08:04,210 The worst that could happen is if they didn't, then all their families and all their children would be massacred as well. - Yeah, fuck it! 119 00:08:10,390 --> 00:08:14,620 They didn't seem to worry; they knew they were going to die anyway. They were condemned to death. 120 00:08:15,140 --> 00:08:17,770 What do we know about decapitation? Does it kill you straight away? 121 00:08:17,970 --> 00:08:20,210 I know if you cut a duck's legs off, it can still swim. 122 00:08:22,150 --> 00:08:25,060 It can float, but it can't swim. 123 00:08:25,730 --> 00:08:29,390 - Float! A floating duck! - I leave a little bit of stumpage. 124 00:08:30,910 --> 00:08:32,180 It wouldn't be able to swim. 125 00:08:32,190 --> 00:08:36,210 It would have to catch the currents; it would evolve into a whole different animal. It would probably get a... 126 00:08:36,230 --> 00:08:37,780 a wing up as a sail, or something like that. 127 00:08:44,310 --> 00:08:49,280 Didn't they discover, like, for example, at the French revolution with the guillotine, that, 128 00:08:49,540 --> 00:08:52,340 like, heads could kind of, like, chat a bit afterwards, so... - Carry on chatting. 129 00:08:52,380 --> 00:08:57,160 Well, no, you're right. There was a story during the Terror of the French Revolution that, er, two members of the... 130 00:08:57,230 --> 00:09:01,740 the National Assembly were guillotined and their heads put in the same bag straight away, 131 00:09:01,750 --> 00:09:04,740 and one bit the other so hard they couldn't be separated. 132 00:09:04,940 --> 00:09:08,540 Just the heads. - That's holding a grudge, isn't it? - It is! 133 00:09:09,210 --> 00:09:12,210 I mean, for intents and purposes, you're dead; let it go! 134 00:09:12,230 --> 00:09:15,620 Yeah, you didn't get on! Whatever! - They were French. 135 00:09:18,590 --> 00:09:21,180 Anyway, from "decapitation" to another kind of danger. 136 00:09:21,200 --> 00:09:26,100 What is the most dangerous sport in, in fact, the most dangerous country in the world? 137 00:09:28,250 --> 00:09:29,250 Contemporary dance in Scotland. 138 00:09:31,760 --> 00:09:33,600 Hopscotch in Afghanistan? I don't know. 139 00:09:33,700 --> 00:09:36,370 You're... You're very close. 140 00:09:36,920 --> 00:09:40,840 - Well, it's going to be Afghanistan or Iraq, isn't it? Aren't they quite... - Well, oddly enough, in between those two. 141 00:09:40,910 --> 00:09:43,200 - "Kabizakistan." - No, no, a much better known one. 142 00:09:43,210 --> 00:09:46,390 - "Subizakistan"? - It's another "-stan", but a very... The best known "-stan." - Iraq. - Uzbekistan. 143 00:09:46,530 --> 00:09:49,610 - Pakistan. - They play a lot of cricket there. 144 00:09:49,640 --> 00:09:56,440 They do play cricket there, but they also have this very dangerous sport, so dangerous it's been banned for all but fifteen days of the year. 145 00:09:56,690 --> 00:10:00,800 It's a child's pastime that has become aggressive and extreme. 146 00:10:00,920 --> 00:10:03,170 - Conkers? - No. 147 00:10:04,630 --> 00:10:08,070 It's mentioned, and indeed sung about, in Mary Poppins. - Marbles? - Buckaroo? 148 00:10:09,510 --> 00:10:11,940 - Mary Poppins. - Flying a kite. 149 00:10:12,250 --> 00:10:14,430 - The idea of extreme kite flying... - It's dangerous. 150 00:10:14,430 --> 00:10:16,930 - You have to sever your... - Head? - ...competitor's... 151 00:10:18,750 --> 00:10:23,880 You have to sever your competitor's kite from its string, and so the string's actually made of metal with glass; 152 00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:29,780 sharp, abrading glass. And motorcyclists get garroted, 'cause hundreds of people do it all over the country. 153 00:10:29,820 --> 00:10:31,800 Who told you this, Stephen? This is nonsense. 154 00:10:32,390 --> 00:10:34,400 This doesn't happen. - I'm afraid it does. 155 00:10:34,470 --> 00:10:37,390 No, I saw it. Channel 5: "When Kiters Go Bad". 156 00:10:40,750 --> 00:10:43,280 They shout "Bo Kata!" "Kite Down!" 157 00:10:43,500 --> 00:10:46,240 - What about when they garrote someone... What do they shout then? - I don... - "Oops." 158 00:10:46,240 --> 00:10:52,910 Yes, probably. It's the spring festival of [?], is when it happens. 159 00:10:53,090 --> 00:10:57,060 And there's a... The people against it, the Kite Flying Affectees Committee, 160 00:10:57,310 --> 00:11:00,660 people who are affected by kite flying have tried to ban it completely. 161 00:11:00,840 --> 00:11:04,240 Do all the kites have to have the face of Des Lynam on them? 162 00:11:07,750 --> 00:11:09,380 - He is a god in Pakistan. - Yeah. 163 00:11:10,770 --> 00:11:15,300 - How big can the kite be? What's the heaviest kite they can have? - Huge. They could weight anything up to four tons. 164 00:11:17,290 --> 00:11:22,250 Well, the largest kite ever made is... weighs nearly a ton. 165 00:11:22,720 --> 00:11:25,850 - It's a hundred metres long. - It's forty-eight foot by thirty-six foot. 166 00:11:26,420 --> 00:11:29,730 - That's right. - And how many people does it take to fly that, then? - Fifty. 167 00:11:29,870 --> 00:11:32,920 - Fifty people. - Fifty people, yeah. - Fifty "men", it says here. 168 00:11:33,350 --> 00:11:36,320 Fifty men, or twenty-five fat birds. 169 00:11:37,680 --> 00:11:39,980 It has two hundred strings. 170 00:11:40,330 --> 00:11:43,560 And the smallest is one-point-two-five inches across. 171 00:11:43,830 --> 00:11:47,140 You can get them in the market and stuff. You see those blokes doing those tiny kites... 172 00:11:47,270 --> 00:11:49,220 - Have you seen them? - No. - Miniature kites. - That's right. 173 00:11:49,250 --> 00:11:51,690 - On, bridges and things they sell them. - Oh, do they? 174 00:11:52,200 --> 00:11:56,860 You start it using an electric fan, one of those little hand-held electric fans, and it just flies up. 175 00:11:56,870 --> 00:12:01,040 - Invisible string, which makes it very pleasing, because it's so fine. - And then you go home and cry. "What am I doing? 176 00:12:03,110 --> 00:12:04,820 What the hell am I doing with my life? 177 00:12:06,520 --> 00:12:07,730 I wanted to be a doctor!" 178 00:12:11,520 --> 00:12:14,530 - Oh, Lord. - "Look, everybody!" "Oh, what's the point?" 179 00:12:17,560 --> 00:12:21,790 So, name the world's most dangerous manager. 180 00:12:22,170 --> 00:12:27,410 - It's not Dave the Decapitator, who's head of Psychos-R-Us in Catford, then? - No. No. 181 00:12:28,740 --> 00:12:30,770 Not Chernobyl Health and Safety or something, is it? 182 00:12:31,530 --> 00:12:34,680 - No, that would count. - Is it someone like Evil Knievel's manager? 183 00:12:34,790 --> 00:12:38,290 Very like Evil Knievel's manager, only go back in time to the Niagara Falls. 184 00:12:38,970 --> 00:12:42,700 - Blondin's manager. - Absolutely right! I think you should get ten points for that. 185 00:12:42,800 --> 00:12:44,140 - Thank you. - Blondin's manager. 186 00:12:48,360 --> 00:12:50,440 And for the boys and girls, tell us who Blondin was. 187 00:12:50,840 --> 00:12:54,420 - He was a famous tightrope walker. - He was the most famous tightrope walker of his day. 188 00:12:54,600 --> 00:12:58,130 But he also carried his manager across, which was a disaster, 189 00:12:58,610 --> 00:13:02,300 because his manager was a lot heavier than him, and Blondin liked slippery tights. 190 00:13:02,830 --> 00:13:06,000 And, they had to stop six times because he was so heavy. 191 00:13:06,420 --> 00:13:09,980 It was on the 17th of August, 1859, and it took forty-two minutes. 192 00:13:10,350 --> 00:13:14,350 Is that his manager, then, or just some bloke that wanted to get to the other side? 193 00:13:15,710 --> 00:13:20,530 He's take eggs and a frying pan and a trivet and matches, and he'd stop halfway across and... 194 00:13:20,760 --> 00:13:24,980 and make an omelette and then eat it. Or he'd take a... a lion in a wheelbarrow across with him. 195 00:13:24,990 --> 00:13:27,180 - Is that real? - A lion? - Yeah. 196 00:13:29,660 --> 00:13:31,150 What was his manager giving him? 197 00:13:32,930 --> 00:13:35,100 Did he eventually die by falling off one? 198 00:13:35,250 --> 00:13:38,500 - No, he died... Actually, he died in... - A tea cosy. 199 00:13:40,420 --> 00:13:45,910 I thought it said... I thought it said there he died in a "bed of diabetes". No, he died in bed, of diabetes. 200 00:13:46,530 --> 00:13:50,940 Not in a bed surrounded by... Restaurant menus: "nestling in a bed of diabetes". 201 00:13:52,450 --> 00:13:55,190 No. He died in bed aged seventy-three. 202 00:13:55,510 --> 00:13:58,890 But actually, though, they have terrible trouble, don't they, stopping people 203 00:13:58,910 --> 00:14:01,010 trying to go over the Niagara Falls. - Yeah. 204 00:14:01,020 --> 00:14:04,110 Because people are always trying to get in a barrel, and 205 00:14:04,520 --> 00:14:08,000 I've no idea why, but they have to have special security men, 206 00:14:08,360 --> 00:14:13,780 because, apparently, there's endless, kind of, trucks reversing up with, sort of, concealed barrels. 207 00:14:15,430 --> 00:14:18,970 And people just going, "Right, push me, Dave; I'm fucking going." 208 00:14:21,410 --> 00:14:24,880 Apparently, there's enough people that want to do that for them to have to really, you know... 209 00:14:24,880 --> 00:14:31,150 They have... They do stop it. There have been sixteen known barrel drops and six of those have ended in mortality. The first to do it was a woman. 210 00:14:31,590 --> 00:14:34,720 - Hey! - Yes. Annie... Annie Taylor her name was. - She didn't want to. 211 00:14:37,300 --> 00:14:39,700 - That's a honeymoon that's gone horrible wrong. - Yeah. 212 00:14:40,750 --> 00:14:42,850 No, Annie Taylor was the first to do it, 213 00:14:43,130 --> 00:14:46,600 and she was something of a heroine for doing it; she was... There she is. Look. 214 00:14:46,810 --> 00:14:50,780 An old battleaxe she looks; I mean, God! But, there's her barrel... - You say that, I think she's all right. 215 00:14:50,830 --> 00:14:53,920 ...with her name on it. "Annie Edson Taylor, 216 00:14:53,940 --> 00:14:59,410 heroine of Niagara Falls," it says. And Bobby Leach was the second man to do it. The third man to do it was a Briton, Charles Stephens, 217 00:14:59,470 --> 00:15:03,000 and he did it with his legs tied to an anvil, to... 218 00:15:03,290 --> 00:15:06,660 By this time, people were really bored with the feat by two people having done it. 219 00:15:06,670 --> 00:15:10,800 - I think it's really nice they went to all the effort of writing their names on the barrels. - Isn't it? 220 00:15:10,840 --> 00:15:14,630 Well, he couldn't, because he tied it to an anvil, in that rather sort of road-runner-y way, you know... 221 00:15:15,190 --> 00:15:19,590 kind of thing. And all they found of him was a severed arm inside the barrel... 222 00:15:20,900 --> 00:15:23,960 ...with a tattoo on it saying, "forget me not, Annie". 223 00:15:25,230 --> 00:15:28,100 People were obsessed with the Niagara Falls. They had this pirate ship 224 00:15:28,130 --> 00:15:35,170 and they filled it with animals--bears and geese and all kinds of things--and sailed it off the top of Niagara. Only two geese survived. 225 00:15:35,520 --> 00:15:37,780 Two bears crawled out and they were shot. 226 00:15:40,880 --> 00:15:42,180 For cowardice, probably. 227 00:15:44,530 --> 00:15:49,220 So, now, what's the most dangerous sporting activity for women? 228 00:15:51,120 --> 00:15:52,190 Foxy boxing. 229 00:15:52,800 --> 00:15:54,650 - "Foxy boxing"? - Foxy boxing. 230 00:15:55,690 --> 00:15:58,520 Cheerleading somewhere like Iraq would be tough, wouldn't it; you know, 231 00:15:58,670 --> 00:16:01,900 a very Muslim country. - I'm going to give you... - Cheerleading would be quite... - I'm going to give you the money. 232 00:16:02,150 --> 00:16:04,090 - Money? - The points! "The money..."? 233 00:16:04,960 --> 00:16:05,940 No, I want the money! 234 00:16:06,880 --> 00:16:11,600 - If we start playing for money, I... - What am I suggesting? - Actually, Stephen, I really want the car! I know it's behind there! 235 00:16:13,750 --> 00:16:16,040 You get the points, because the answer is, simply, "cheerleading". 236 00:16:16,340 --> 00:16:20,560 - Really? - Cheerleading is the most dangerous. - What? - More injuries and deaths are sustained 237 00:16:20,640 --> 00:16:24,260 by women engaged in cheerleading than any other sporting activity. - How bizarre! 238 00:16:24,460 --> 00:16:26,550 The best known cheerleader in America is..? 239 00:16:27,340 --> 00:16:29,860 - Nancy Reagan. - George Bush. - "George Bush" is the right answer. 240 00:16:29,950 --> 00:16:32,740 - How did... Did you actually know that? - Yes, well, he did it... Thanks. - Yes. 241 00:16:36,260 --> 00:16:40,080 - Yeah, it... it was the only sporting activity... It's what he did. He didn't... he didn't play sports. - Absolutely right. 242 00:16:40,080 --> 00:16:45,260 He had special t-shirts made with "go Nads", which was the name of his team. "Gonads." 243 00:16:45,990 --> 00:16:49,740 - You see? - I've never seen cheerleaders that aren't in a shower. - Yeah. 244 00:16:51,800 --> 00:16:55,510 I thought that's what they did. I thought they were just obsessed by lather. 245 00:16:57,940 --> 00:17:00,380 Other dangerous sport? Bungee jumping: do you know anything about that? 246 00:17:00,440 --> 00:17:02,670 You can get a detached breast tissue. 247 00:17:04,050 --> 00:17:05,630 What, at the gift shop afterwards, or..? 248 00:17:06,900 --> 00:17:10,660 Because if you go in... in the nude, they let you do it for free. 249 00:17:11,270 --> 00:17:15,100 - And... - Where, everywhere, or at a particular site you know of? 250 00:17:16,200 --> 00:17:19,270 And... And you can, if you don't have proper support, 251 00:17:19,420 --> 00:17:22,030 your breasts, 'cause of the gravitational pull, 252 00:17:22,610 --> 00:17:23,970 can fly clean off! 253 00:17:25,250 --> 00:17:27,220 And you can also get a detached retina. 254 00:17:27,230 --> 00:17:32,510 And if you shout at a breast that's just been decapitated, as it were, does it still respond for the next thirty seconds? 255 00:17:32,720 --> 00:17:35,590 It will... It will still lactate for half an hour. 256 00:17:36,580 --> 00:17:38,640 - Still express itself, quite literally. - After it's been separated. 257 00:17:41,660 --> 00:17:47,460 - Can I go and have a lie down? Highly unpleasant. - I like to think of bungee jumping as suicide for indecisive people. 258 00:17:49,320 --> 00:17:50,910 It's like a tester, isn't it? - It is. 259 00:17:51,290 --> 00:17:52,290 "Whoa! No, I'll be all right with this, yeah." 260 00:17:53,700 --> 00:17:57,840 I heard a brilliant story about... You know the Darwin Awards? Obviously, every year, they have these Darwin Awards for people 261 00:17:57,930 --> 00:18:01,630 taking themselves out of the gene pool. And there was a brilliant story of a guy that... 262 00:18:01,720 --> 00:18:04,920 He was, you know, drunk one night, and he decided, "Right, what I'm going to do is bungee jump." 263 00:18:05,150 --> 00:18:08,090 His mates went, "You won't be able to do it." "I will." He just got a tow rope 264 00:18:08,630 --> 00:18:11,740 and jumped off a bridge. Obviously... 265 00:18:12,270 --> 00:18:16,160 Obviously, the foot just... snapped off, and he landed in a freezing river. 266 00:18:17,160 --> 00:18:19,490 With no feet. He couldn't swim. 267 00:18:19,520 --> 00:18:24,730 - So take me back, because it's a good letter "D", for Darwin... I don't know the Darwin Awards. - The Darwin Awards... - When you say "take yourself out of the gene pool"... 268 00:18:24,750 --> 00:18:28,800 - Well, it's stories from 'round the world of people that have killed themselves in such stupid ways... - Oh, actually killed themselves. Right. 269 00:18:28,800 --> 00:18:33,350 There's another brilliant one of a guy that was sitting in his back garden, and he had... got a couple of balloons and filled them up with... 270 00:18:33,380 --> 00:18:37,090 with helium or whatever, so that he would float. He thought, "It would be brilliant if I could float 271 00:18:37,900 --> 00:18:42,080 and drink beer. Wouldn't that be lovely? It would be... be so comfy in a garden chair." 272 00:18:42,920 --> 00:18:44,810 He went about a mile up and froze to death. 273 00:18:49,860 --> 00:18:52,460 What an arse! How lovely! 274 00:18:53,470 --> 00:18:55,860 But I see what you mean, taking out of the gene pool... In other words, our... 275 00:18:55,860 --> 00:19:00,060 the human gene pool does not need those kind of people to pass on their genes to the next generation. 276 00:19:00,080 --> 00:19:06,230 Indeed, indeed. And it's the reason why they should allow people to walk down to railway tracks, if they so wish. Because you know what? We don't need 'em. 277 00:19:07,360 --> 00:19:09,210 If they can't work out a train's coming... 278 00:19:11,180 --> 00:19:12,180 Right. 279 00:19:13,440 --> 00:19:15,440 Let's face it, the gene pool needs a little chlorine. 280 00:19:15,440 --> 00:19:18,260 - It does. - You know who you are. 281 00:19:21,410 --> 00:19:23,020 Who invented bungee jumping, and when? 282 00:19:23,210 --> 00:19:24,760 That was the New ZeAlanders, wasn't it? 283 00:19:24,850 --> 00:19:27,840 - It was actually a British invention in 1979. - The bungee strap is a British invention. 284 00:19:27,880 --> 00:19:31,960 - Yeah. - Hurrah. - "Ah, good old..." - They never, ever, ever break. 285 00:19:32,380 --> 00:19:35,670 - No. - That must be... That must be a real comfort to the families of the people that the rope was too long. 286 00:19:36,770 --> 00:19:38,570 "You can have the rope if you want; it's still perfect." 287 00:19:40,450 --> 00:19:43,310 "Oh, thanks for that." - He can have another go with the coffin. 288 00:19:45,620 --> 00:19:48,510 Oh, into the grave, out of the grave, into the grave... 289 00:19:48,550 --> 00:19:51,770 Oh, it must happen. I want that to happen. Well... 290 00:19:54,790 --> 00:19:57,260 - I'm redrafting my will tomorrow! - Yeah, exactly! 291 00:19:57,270 --> 00:20:01,100 You've sorted out all our funeral requirements. Oh, excellent. 292 00:20:01,220 --> 00:20:03,270 Another dangerous sport is Russian Roulette, of course. 293 00:20:03,280 --> 00:20:04,410 - That's dangerous. - Yes. 294 00:20:04,420 --> 00:20:07,290 In the early days if you had a musket, you'd only... only have the one. 295 00:20:09,270 --> 00:20:14,810 - That was a man's game! - To get... Exactly. - Oh, it's six to one, ooh. - Sissys do six to one. 296 00:20:15,860 --> 00:20:20,740 What we do know is that in 2005, more than two hundred thousand cheerleaders had to attend medical 297 00:20:20,780 --> 00:20:23,970 facilities with cheerleading-related injuries. 298 00:20:24,210 --> 00:20:26,480 It's time, ladies and gentlemen--how could it not be?-- 299 00:20:26,490 --> 00:20:33,920 for us to dare to dip into the deep end of the pool of half-dissolved truths and sheer undiluted myth-ery that we call 300 00:20:34,350 --> 00:20:36,500 General Ignorance. So, fingers on buzzers, please. 301 00:20:36,540 --> 00:20:40,340 What causes deep vein thrombosis on airplanes? 302 00:20:42,820 --> 00:20:46,290 - Oh, you're in first. - Sitting still for ages and getting a blood clot. 303 00:20:50,260 --> 00:20:51,480 "Sitting down for too long." 304 00:20:52,200 --> 00:20:53,360 Oh, hello. 305 00:20:53,530 --> 00:20:55,750 Is it the five pasties you had before you set off? 306 00:20:58,140 --> 00:21:02,450 Well, it turns out, according to a Lancet article, that if you put people in exactly the same conditions 307 00:21:02,470 --> 00:21:08,600 as on a cramped aeroplane, but on dry land in an ordinary room, they don't get the increased chances of DVT... 308 00:21:09,090 --> 00:21:11,480 ...and that it's actually the poor air quality. 309 00:21:11,660 --> 00:21:13,970 And you know the air quality on planes is worse 310 00:21:14,450 --> 00:21:17,480 now that they've stopped you smoking. - I know, exactly right. 311 00:21:17,540 --> 00:21:20,490 It's very bad air indeed up there, and they've saved a lot of money on it being bad air. 312 00:21:20,810 --> 00:21:24,340 And it also seems to be a contributory factor to DVT. 313 00:21:24,370 --> 00:21:28,170 Although these compression socks... There was an article in the newspaper very recently about them actually working. 314 00:21:28,270 --> 00:21:30,520 They're hugely sexually attractive, those. 315 00:21:31,600 --> 00:21:36,560 Well, they've stopped called them "surgical stockings", because that sounds so, kind of, Les-Dawson-old-lady, 316 00:21:36,880 --> 00:21:39,180 and... and they now call them "compression socks", 317 00:21:39,300 --> 00:21:44,520 which sounds slightly butch. - I think they're quite... I like those socks, 'cause if you put them on... - Yeah. - You would do, because you're sort of quite pervy, aren't you? 318 00:21:45,640 --> 00:21:49,750 Well, here's the thing I like about them: It's a really tight sock, and when you take it off, it's lovely and itchy. 319 00:21:50,340 --> 00:21:52,190 It's very satisfying somehow. 320 00:21:52,360 --> 00:21:56,770 - Do you have bald shins? - Do I have bald shins? - You're old enough now to have bald shins. The lower shin? 321 00:21:56,840 --> 00:22:00,900 - I don't know what you've been up to, Stephen, to be honest. - Well, you know... - I can't even conceive of how you've got that. 322 00:22:00,980 --> 00:22:05,450 - As men age, the... the hair stops growing on the lower part of the shin. - Does it? 323 00:22:06,200 --> 00:22:08,670 - You must have noticed that. - Oh no, I've got virtual quiffs down there. - Have you? 324 00:22:10,190 --> 00:22:11,860 - You're still pretty hairy down there. - Look at that. 325 00:22:13,520 --> 00:22:16,110 Yeah. Brushed by the tip of your penis as well, I can see there. 326 00:22:16,730 --> 00:22:18,860 Most impressive. - I've got to get that re-attached. 327 00:22:19,850 --> 00:22:24,340 With women it's the other way around. My bikini line's wound 'round me ankles at the moment. 328 00:22:28,150 --> 00:22:32,040 So, fingers again on buzzers. How much sleep should you have every night? 329 00:22:33,410 --> 00:22:35,220 - Jo Brand. - Four hours. 330 00:22:35,310 --> 00:22:37,160 - Good answer. - Four hours? 331 00:22:37,180 --> 00:22:40,520 Four to seven hours... You'll live a lot longer than if you have eight hours every night. 332 00:22:40,940 --> 00:22:43,810 People who have eight hours or more live shorter lives. 333 00:22:44,090 --> 00:22:47,440 Yeah, but if you only sleep four hours a night, it can lead to dismantling the welfare state. 334 00:22:48,690 --> 00:22:53,590 Margaret Thatcher is a famous example, and very well put, of someone who didn't get that much sleep. 335 00:22:54,040 --> 00:22:56,010 Yeah, no wonder really, what she did to the miners! 336 00:22:56,810 --> 00:22:58,000 Yeah, right! 337 00:23:00,200 --> 00:23:04,520 The average Briton gets six or seven hours of sleep a night, as opposed to their 338 00:23:04,600 --> 00:23:08,140 grandparents, or great grandparents, in 1900, when nine hours a night was the average. 339 00:23:08,630 --> 00:23:10,780 - Blimey. - Certainly people lived less long, but for all kinds of reasons. 340 00:23:11,390 --> 00:23:15,220 What scale do seismologists use to... to measure earthquakes? 341 00:23:17,540 --> 00:23:19,860 - Sean. - The, Richter Scale. 342 00:23:21,930 --> 00:23:23,980 No. No, they don't. 343 00:23:24,170 --> 00:23:27,530 Seismologists don't. Journalists often do, still, these days, but not for... 344 00:23:27,560 --> 00:23:33,770 not for thirty years, nearly. They use something else. It's called the MMS, the Moment Magnitude Scale. 345 00:23:34,050 --> 00:23:37,210 - Are you sure? Absolutely sure? - Yes. - Pretty sure. I got that wrong. 346 00:23:37,900 --> 00:23:41,470 You did, but you kindly went into our... There's an example of what happens after an earthquake. 347 00:23:41,980 --> 00:23:47,930 The angles... It's rather like Renaissance Mannerist art; the... the diagonals are very... The composition is excellent. 348 00:23:48,970 --> 00:23:52,970 - I hate Renaissance Mannerist art, don't you? - Do you? - Yeah, it's crap. 349 00:23:54,130 --> 00:23:57,600 - Michelangelo, for example? No? - Michelangelo? - Don't like him? - Bollocks! 350 00:23:57,640 --> 00:24:00,930 Oh. He was particularly good at bollocks, it must be said. 351 00:24:01,250 --> 00:24:05,040 - One thing he absolutely thrived... - Has he been spotted in heat magazine? 352 00:24:05,770 --> 00:24:08,160 "Michelangelo spotted buying pants in Primark." 353 00:24:08,340 --> 00:24:12,230 - Primark? - Primark. "Primark"! 354 00:24:13,320 --> 00:24:15,990 Do you get yours made specially by the Queen's tailor? 355 00:24:17,720 --> 00:24:20,320 I thought you'd had yours done on a loom by exquisite boys. 356 00:24:27,260 --> 00:24:29,520 - This must stop... - "We're making Stephen's pants!" 357 00:24:30,900 --> 00:24:33,120 "I can't wear these; he's got a mole on his face." 358 00:24:35,970 --> 00:24:37,680 I... oh, God, help. 359 00:24:39,550 --> 00:24:42,860 Where and when was the largest earthquake in the United States of America? 360 00:24:44,330 --> 00:24:46,500 There... there, on the left. 361 00:24:47,960 --> 00:24:49,510 The big long one, where everyone lives. 362 00:24:50,150 --> 00:24:53,270 The long bit. - You mean San Francisco, 1906. - Yeah. 363 00:24:53,850 --> 00:24:57,300 Oh, thank you so much. Indeed, he's... 364 00:24:57,300 --> 00:25:02,020 You're a true gentleman. It was not the largest. It was certainly, perhaps, the most catastrophic; it killed... 365 00:25:02,470 --> 00:25:05,050 - Three thousand. - Now, you say it killed three thousand people; 366 00:25:05,050 --> 00:25:10,590 a rather disturbing fact about it is it killed three thousand white people. They didn't count the Chinese dead. 367 00:25:10,970 --> 00:25:13,780 Isn't that horrible? A quarter of a million made homeless. 368 00:25:13,780 --> 00:25:16,540 But the major cause of death and destruction was not the actual... 369 00:25:16,560 --> 00:25:20,400 - Fires. - It was the fires afterwards. - Raging fires. - Why did a lot of fires come about, do you think? 370 00:25:20,900 --> 00:25:21,920 A flame... 371 00:25:24,940 --> 00:25:28,420 - Thank you very much. - Was it because they were all really fed up... - Leaping from building to building. 372 00:25:28,430 --> 00:25:31,700 ...so they all got pissed and fell asleep with a fag, or..? - No. 373 00:25:31,700 --> 00:25:35,480 - Gas. Electricity. - Because they weren't insured against earthquake, but they were insured against fire, 374 00:25:35,480 --> 00:25:39,470 so a lot of people started setting fire to their houses when they saw that they were cracked. 375 00:25:39,470 --> 00:25:42,700 - They all started... - What, and the insurance company would go, "Oh, what are the chances: it burnt down the same day, did it?" 376 00:25:43,560 --> 00:25:46,080 - "Imagine my surprise." - Ah. Some... Some genuine fires were caused 377 00:25:46,080 --> 00:25:48,710 by the fact that there was a gas main and that would go up, 378 00:25:48,730 --> 00:25:52,280 you know. It was at a time when there was gas lighting and heating all over the city. 379 00:25:52,530 --> 00:25:55,200 - I think I might know where the largest earthquake was. - Yes, say. 380 00:25:55,220 --> 00:25:59,140 I think it might be Yellowstone National Park, 'cause there's a super volcano underneath it. 381 00:25:59,150 --> 00:26:03,420 Well, you see you're probably right. I would have to add the rider to the question: "since European settlement". 382 00:26:03,980 --> 00:26:06,330 There may well have been a huge one in Yellowstone. 383 00:26:06,360 --> 00:26:09,040 - Yeah. - It's a bit late for that, Stephen. - Little bit late for that. 384 00:26:09,040 --> 00:26:12,580 - Oh, you wouldn't have said "1906" if I hadn't said "since European settlement"? - No. 385 00:26:13,250 --> 00:26:16,250 Just on the subject of San Francisco fire, this... this is an example of how nasty it was... 386 00:26:16,260 --> 00:26:20,430 "When the fire caught the Windsor Hotel at Fifth and Market Streets, there were three men on the roof, 387 00:26:20,440 --> 00:26:24,150 and it was impossible to get them down. Rather than see the crazed men fall in 388 00:26:24,340 --> 00:26:27,260 with the roof and be roasted alive, the military officer decided, 389 00:26:27,640 --> 00:26:31,500 to direct his men to shoot them, which they did in the presence of five thousand people." 390 00:26:32,400 --> 00:26:35,700 - And there was another man who started burning... - The entertainment back then was rubbish! 391 00:26:37,020 --> 00:26:41,730 Yeah! Another man screamed and begged to be killed as his feet began to burn, and he was up on a roof then. 392 00:26:42,040 --> 00:26:44,980 And, the policeman took his name and address and then shot him through the head. 393 00:26:46,170 --> 00:26:49,990 Took his name and address. - "Name?" "This is my house, you fool!" 394 00:26:51,480 --> 00:26:55,310 No, actually the... the greatest earthquake, certainly, since European settlement, was 395 00:26:55,350 --> 00:26:58,610 that in New Madrid, Missouri, in the Mississippi Valley, 396 00:26:58,690 --> 00:27:03,050 during 1811 and 1812. Or you may prefer the one in Prince William Sound, 397 00:27:03,120 --> 00:27:07,370 in Alaska in 1964. Either way, the more famous San Francisco 398 00:27:07,460 --> 00:27:09,390 earthquake was just simply not in the same class. 399 00:27:09,570 --> 00:27:15,110 I think that brings us, really, handily, to the end of the quiz on this particular occasion. 400 00:27:15,520 --> 00:27:20,150 And looking at the scores, there's astounding, astounding things going on, 401 00:27:20,180 --> 00:27:22,840 because way out in first place with seven: 402 00:27:23,520 --> 00:27:25,240 Jo Brand, ladies and gentlemen. 403 00:27:28,870 --> 00:27:31,800 In second place, with a very handy four points, Sean Lock. 404 00:27:31,880 --> 00:27:33,500 Thank you. Thank you. 405 00:27:36,070 --> 00:27:40,510 Neither up nor down, but in third position with [French accent] "zero points", it is Jimmy. 406 00:27:40,650 --> 00:27:43,980 - What was the point of that? - Yeah, but well done. 407 00:27:43,990 --> 00:27:50,080 Which means our runaway fourth place goes to the minus n-n-n-n-nineteen of Alan D-d-d-d-davies! 408 00:27:58,000 --> 00:28:00,260 And my thanks to Jimmy, Sean, Jo, and Alan. 409 00:28:00,260 --> 00:28:03,480 I'll leave you with the observation of former Prime Minister David Lloyd George. 410 00:28:03,630 --> 00:28:05,800 [vaguely Irish accent] "The most dangerous thing in the world," 411 00:28:05,830 --> 00:28:07,290 he said, only in a Welsh accent, 412 00:28:07,360 --> 00:28:11,080 "Is to, to try to leap a chasm in two jumps." 413 00:28:11,220 --> 00:28:13,780 So from all of us at QI, good night. 414 00:28:15,000 --> 00:28:19,000 Transcript by: Sarah Falk Subtitles by: kapodilista 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net